Author's Note: Okay so I know many aren't fans of Jennifer and honestly, when the show was airing, I couldn't stand her either. Now that I'm older, I appreciate her character a little more. I still would have preferred Carson to stick around full time but I at least like looking at Sheppard through her eyes. I think he STARTED to take on the protective older brother trope slightly in the show and I think that would have continued had the show kept going. So I just find it fun to play around with that dynamic with my favorite character ever.

So while this is from her POV, I think most Sheppard fans will still enjoy this because I'm not a Keller lover by no means, but I do like exploring that different dynamic. Or not.. you may hate it lol.

WARNING: Tough subject matter! No one is r*ped in this or even touched in that kind of way, but (slight story spoilers) the bad guy is threatening and alluding to those things (not explicitly, but you get the idea). He doesn't get to act on his desires, however. Still, if you are very easily triggered by things like that, you may want to skip this one.

So if you're still interested, dive right in!


Jennifer stood, frozen in pure terror as she watched the deranged man standing in the middle of the infirmary - her infirmary - waving a smoking gun around as he shouted. The scene played out like a nail biting clip from an action film and Jennifer felt oddly removed from it, as though she were a viewer. And yet, she was smack dab in the middle of it, a doctor with patients who now needed her more than ever as their lifeblood flowed from newly acquired bullet wounds.

The infirmary had been slammed over the past day or so as Atlantis sought to help the Naldians, an ally planet that had been stricken by horrible earthquakes. They had agreed to take the worst of the victims, along with some of the Atlantis staff members who had been injured during the rescue attempts, while Dr. Beckett had agreed to oversee a triage and basic care center on the mainland for the lesser of the injuries. The Athosians, ever the welcoming bunch, had been happy to help the efforts.

However, when the Naldian man, apparently now identified as an escaped prisoner from the planet's penitentiary, had popped out of the bed with a gun in hand, many of the patients and staff who were physically able to, had fled.

Jennifer didn't blame them and knew they would be getting help. But as her eyes glanced at Dr. Lennox, a biologist who had been in her care following a chemical exposure, Jennifer could hardly fight off the bile rising in the back of her throat. What had been a simple chemical burn had turned into a gunshot wound to the head and open, unseeing eyes that would no doubt haunt Jennifer for whatever days she had remaining.

Potentially worse, beside Dr. Lennox's bed was Colonel Sheppard, now sporting two bullet holes to his chest and abdomen. He was unconscious at the very least and Jennifer could not tell if his chest was still rising or not. She could tell that he needed help, however, if he was still alive. And she also knew that the Military Commander would certainly not be leading the calvary to save the day.

"You need to surrender, now!" Lorne shouted from outside the door. "Has anyone been injured? We need to help them if so!"

"Don't answer that!" the man growled at her, knowing that both the attacker and the dying or else dead patients were just out of sight from where Major Lorne and the others were staged at the door. They could only partially see Jennifer and she was fairly certain that those who fled only knew the gun had gone off, not whether the bullets had found bodies to pass through.

"Everyone needs to back away so I can leave this place and return to my world," the man yelled to Lorne. "I will fire this weapon at the healer!"

"You don't want to do that," Lorne called in response. "We can take you to your planet. It's pretty messed up from the quakes but hell, I'll take you myself. Or Colonel Sheppard is one of our best pilots… is he in there? Is he okay?"

Jennifer felt herself trembling as her eyes slipped towards the Colonel. No he was not okay. But she was pretty sure he moved some… That was something, right? Maybe, just maybe, he stood a chance at survival.

"I will go by myself."

Jennifer bit her lip as the man grew more and more deranged, knowing that he would be unable to pilot the jumper on his own. Not that anyone would actually give into his demands, anyway.

"I'm not sure you'll be able to pilot one," Lorne responded, "but I'll walk you down to the jumper bay. We'll give it a try"

The man emitted a disturbed laugh at that statement, "I am a smart man. I know you would not walk me to my escape. I want everyone to leave this area and I will take the healer with me. I'll leave her near the stargate once I am free."

Jennifer felt her stomach clench tightly at the thought of her leaving with this man. This killer. As if he were reading her thoughts, he turned to look at her and she watched as the corners of his mouth - though hidden mostly by an unkept beard - turned up slowly. His wild and hungry eyes narrowed in as he looked her up and down. Jennifer felt a chill run down her spine and her hands trembled as they still hung in the air near her head. She had never felt so vulnerable in her life.

She suddenly wished she was a tough warrior like Teyla or a masterful negotiator and mediator like Elizabeth. But she was neither. No matter how many training sessions she took with the Ahtosian leader or how many conversions with Elizabeth she replayed in her head, she would never be like those women.

"It's been so long since I have caressed a woman," he said quietly, the gun still trained on her. "And you… you are visually pleasing. You will make for a nice return to the world of pleasure…"

Jennifer squeezed her eyes shut for a moment as the fear and disgust rattled her to the core. She didn't really think that there was a version of this in which the man would be able to leave with her, but the prospect plagued every fiber of her being and brought tears to her eyes. She did not want to cry in front of this disgusting excuse of a person. She did not want to show any further evidence of fear or weakness but as her worst nightmares were spoken out loud as he voiced his intentions, she found that particular battle to be a more difficult one to fight.

A slight movement of black uniform from the bed directly behind the gunman shifted her attention quickly to the Colonel again but she diverted his eyes just as swiftly. She did not want to draw any attention to the Military Commander as she imagined the gunman likely believed the man to be dead. If he knew otherwise, he may be compelled to finish the job.

"Can't let you do that," Lorne called from the doorway, his tone still neutral but Jennifer could sense the hint of anger creeping in. "But I can clear the hallways and as long as you leave Dr. Keller and anyone else in there unharmed and in the infirmary, we can tell you how to get to the jumper bay over the loudspeaker system. And off you go. Or go straight to the stargate… we can dial any address you want and you just walk through. Free to go."

Jennifer tried to keep her breathing under control. That plan could work, right? Surely this man would accept such an offer…? Sure, he would likely never make it to freedom because he clearly needed to be locked up somewhere and Lorne would see to it. But he didn't need to know that.

But as she dared to look into the man's eyes again, her gut told her that there was no deal to be had. His soulless eyes continued to search her greedily with a slight grin. The nausea increased tenfold as she fought the urge to take off running and risk a bullet over whatever this lunatic had in store for her.

"They will never let me out of here," the man said quietly, and Jennifer knew it was not meant to be heard by the battalion of people led by Lorne at the door. "I'm going to die…"

He didn't sound scared or even upset, which rattled Jennifer even further. "No… no you don't have to die today. You don't.. Just… you need to take his offer. Any address. Freedom."

He laughed that horrific laugh again. "Stop talking. You look better when you are silent."

Her chest heaved with anger and frustration. She was getting tired of waiting to either die or be attacked; tired of sitting here while the Colonel's blood continued to spill from his body. Tired of Dr. Lennox's unseeing eyes reminding her of how quickly a life can be taken.

"Step closer to me and take your coverings off."

The breath caught in her lungs at the hushed statement from the gunman.

"W-what?"

His smile grew wild and greedy, a spark of twisted excitement in his eyes. "If these are my last moments, I will die while taking in the bare curves of a woman's body."

Jennifer's heart rate increased exponentially as the panic threatened to finally win the battle and take over her senses. She wanted to scream; wanted to run as far away as she could. She wanted to beg, plead and barter. Anything but this. Even if she agreed to remove her clothing, which she just couldn't, Jennifer knew there was a good chance the man would try to take advantage of her before he could be taken down.

Lorne couldn't hear or see the man and could only barely see her as it was. And there were no cameras in this section of the infirmary for the sake of her patients' privacy so they had no clue what was going on. Jennifer also knew Lorne would be hesitant to storm the area given the risk of collateral damage. She… she didn't have many options and she knew that.

"I said," the man growled, the grin now replaced by an impatient snarl, "come closer to me and strip away your coverings. Now."

"P…please, no."

He shook his gun as he took the slightest step towards her and angrily whispered, "Strip down, now!"

As her lip quivered and she resigned herself to either undressing or being shot by a man who had fully accepted his own impending death, she almost missed the silent flurry of motion directly behind the man. The bloody bed that had been holding Colonel Sheppard, originally only there for a deep laceration to his shoulder, was suddenly empty and before Jennifer really had a moment to realize what was happening, the Colonel reappeared behind the man with the gun. Jennifer closed her eyes, expecting the man to finally fire the weapon at her, but instead she heard a slight commotion and the sound of heavy metal hitting the ground.

She opened her eyes again just in time to see Colonel Sheppard's arms wrap strategically around her attacker's neck and chin and in one swift, sickening motion, he twisted until a loud pop filled the air.

Jennifer stared in disbelief as the man she had so desperately feared only moments ago began to crumple to the ground as though all bones had disappeared from his body. Internal decapitation, right in front of her eyes.

Her trembling increased and she was vaguely aware of shouting coming from the door. But her eyes were now glued to the Military Commander of Atlantis, covered in blood as he took rapid, shallow breaths and stared at the body below him with pure, unadulterated hatred. And suddenly, in that moment, the look on Colonel Sheppard's face looked almost as deranged as the gunman's had.

Though it was irrational, Jennifer couldn't stop the fear rising within her as she looked at her rescuer. He looked a lot more like the terrifying man who had terrorized everyone's dreams while that alien entity had wreaked havoc throughout Atlantis and less like the laid back, charming flyboy everyone had come to know and depend on.

But when he finally tore his gaze away from the life he had just taken with his own bare hands, the green eyes that met hers were no longer filled with seething hatred. There was a softness hidden behind the glossy haze of pain and blood loss. And then a strong sense of sadness began to take over his features, suddenly making Jennifer very aware that her own face likely portrayed the fear she irrationally felt towards him.

"All clear," he mumbled as loudly as he could manage towards the infirmary entrance. And as the door burst open and soldiers flooded in, Jennifer could only watch in a frozen stupor as the Colonel swayed dangerously before finally collapsing to the ground.

Snap out of it, Jennifer berated herself. He needs help.

Hands were suddenly grabbing her shoulders and words were flying all around her, but they didn't make any sense. She frowned and focused on the mouth of Teyla, briefly wondering what she was saying and why Jennifer couldn't seem to understand any of it. The world became hazy as blurred figures moved around her. An inner voice yelled at her to move, to do something, but her feet wouldn't comply and she wasn't sure her brain would adequately instruct them where to go anyway.

"Jennifer, look at me," Teyla said, causing Jennifer's eyes to snap to meet hers. "Were you harmed in any way?"

It took a little too long for her question to process but eventually it dawned on the terrified doctor what was being asked.

"No, no," she stammered, her head shaking furiously. Her eyes then wandered to the scene on the ground before her where several people were kneeling around where Colonel Sheppard had fallen moments before. "He-he killed him."

Teyla's wide eyes glanced at the Colonel and his entourage as well before shaking her head slowly. "No, Jennifer. Colonel Sheppard is still alive."

"N-no," she replied, her eyes still glued to the spot on the ground. Nearby was the body of the man who had threatened her so deeply and heinously; the man who had his neck snapped in cold blood by Colonel Sheppard. Jennifer knew it was justified and was admittedly relieved, and yet she still couldn't shake the sense of fear as she remembered the look on the Colonel's face. "He snapped his neck. Just…"

Jennifer finally looked back at Teyla who was now frowning slightly in confusion - or maybe concern - as she rapidly took in Jennifer's features.

"Yes," she said finally, her hands still firmly on the doctor's shoulders. "He did what he had to do in order to eliminate the threat."

Jennifer stared into her eyes and blinked back the tears. She was right, dammit. The Colonel had used what little strength he had left and fought through the pain in order to eliminate the threat, as Teyla had so eloquently put it, but the fact still remained: while she knew John Sheppard was a capable soldier, she never saw him in action. Not like that. Not with that look.

"Of course," Jennifer responded quickly, knowing that she was just traumatized and that the only man worthy of fear in this entire scenario was the one with a broken neck. At some point, that would fully sink in.

"Let us go to a more private area," Teyla spoke softly and in the same tone she, herself, often used for traumatized patients. "Allow a nurse to check you over."

Without really thinking about it, Jennifer realized that she was being gently guided deeper into the infirmary to the far corner where she took a seat on the bed as Teyla pulled the curtain.

"Would you like to lie down?"

"No," Jennifer replied quickly, the idea of the vulnerable position being far too much to handle at the moment. But Teyla only smiled kindly and nodded.

"You, uh, you should go check on the Colonel," Jennifer suggested with a nervous, forced smile. She knew Teyla was one of Colonel Sheppard's closest friends and would likely prefer to be at his side, not hers. "I'm fine. Just… it was a lot, you know? And the man… the man wanted… But he's dead now."

Teyla nodded slowly again, her brown eyes wide and yet soft. "Yes, he is. But it is perfectly normal for the shock of a traumatic event to linger in one's mind. Be patient and gentle with yourself. And I will check on the Colonel in a moment, though I imagine he will likely be in surgery very soon."

Jennifer nodded her head in agreement. Yes, if he was still alive then surgery and a transfusion were definitely in his future. A part of her knew she should want to scrub in and help save the man who had just saved her, but the lingering fear and adrenaline kept her hands shaking too fiercely to even dream of holding a scalpel. Besides, Dr. Wilson was already working on the Colonel and was a very capable physician. Bxh

"I am going to retrieve Marie to examine you, alright?"

Jennifer bit her lips but forced a smile out all the same. She nodded, trying her best to outwardly appear more in control than she felt. "No problem, keep me posted."

Teyla nodded and then promptly left, leaving Jennifer to suddenly feel alone and highly aware of the jumbled noises beyond the curtain. She knew there was still adrenaline pumping through her veins and she just couldn't seem to get the trembling under control.

She felt dumb for being so rattled. Even Rodney McKay had been through numerous life or death situations without being such a baby over it. And yet here she was, completely unharmed and now fully safe, but still unable to get a hold of herself.

Marie's exam was a bit of a haze and yet Jennifer found herself hyper-aware of every single touch that met her skin. Jennifer clenched her eyes shut tightly and willed the jumpiness and irrational fears to be gone already. Colonel Sheppard was no one to be feared, at least not by her, and none of her medical staff would abuse their positions and the oaths they took by inappropriately touching a patient.

Get a grip, Jen, she berated herself.

"How's Colonel Sheppard?" she asked as Marie finished up. Regardless of the lingering fear, Jennifer in no way wanted anything bad to happen to the man. And she fully acknowledged that he had likely saved her from either a horrific experience or even death. Probably both.

"They were working to get him stabilized while prepping the OR," Marie answered with a supportive smile and light squeeze to the shoulder. "He… he did lose a lot of blood volume, but if he was able to fight off the attacker, that likely means that nothing too major was hit. Of course, you know that, but it may help hearing it out loud."

Jennifer forced a smile in return. Yes, at one point she had feared the Colonel to be dead so having him not only jump out of bed but then snap another man's neck with such stealth and speed…

Jennifer cringed at the memory; at the sickening sound of the pop. Still, that meant there was at least a chance the Colonel would live. Focus on that.

"Thanks, Marie."

"Of course, Doctor. Medically you're fine, but I would highly recommend food, lots of sleep and perhaps a trip to see Dr. Reynolds."

Jennifer tried to keep her features neutral at the mention of the new psychologist. Logically, she knew Marie was properly doing her job and also knew that talking through her experience would likely be helpful. But the thought of reliving it was too much to take. Besides, at this point, the only other person who knew the man had been threatening - demanding, even - to go there was Colonel Sheppard. For all anyone else knew, she was simply held at gunpoint.

Jennifer snorted slightly. Simply held at gunpoint. Somehow she had managed to get to a point in which that statement held some validity. Being held at gunpoint was comparatively small potatoes in the Pegasus Galaxy.

"I'll do that," Jennifer said as she swiftly hopped down from the bed, suddenly ready to run from the infirmary as fast as she could.

As she made her way back through the infirmary, she realized that the scene was calming down. The bodies of her attacker and poor Dr. Lennox had been rolled away, likely to the morgue. Colonel Sheppard was also now in the surgical suite but the area still held a gaggle of soldiers, Woolsey and Sheppard's team.

"Can anyone explain to me how a gun managed to slip its way into the hands of a deranged infirmary patient?" Rodney fumed, his eyes glancing at the pool of blood still on the floor where the Colonel had fallen.

"I assure you, Dr. McKay, that our procedures on the handling of weapons has not changed," Lorne stated slowly, but his forced patience was not lost on Jennifer. "The weapon wasn't even one of ours. Looked closer to the small caliber weapons the Genii usually use, but still not one I've ever encountered before."

"So the assailant had it on his person when he was brought in?" Woolsey questioned. Jennifer slowed down her retreat, deciding that she wanted to know this information. A gun had made it into her infirmary, after all. A place where people should feel safe and focus only on healing.

"Wasn't he a prisoner?" Ronon grumbled, tension clear beneath the surface. "Why wasn't he checked thoroughly?"

Lorne sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, "No one knew he was an escapee. From what I understand, he was found outside a home about three clicks from the penitentiary that we didn't know had received any damage. He was completely unresponsive and was wearing a coat, not prison garb… I guess they loaded him up and sent him through."

"Well that's just grand, isn't it?" Rodney huffed, "Let's just send God knows who with God knows what into one of the most vulnerable areas of the base, why don't we?"

"Rodney…" Teyla warned gently.

"No," Rodney shot back. "Lennox came here for a chemical burn and left in a body bag. Sheppard came for a cut - a cut he wasn't even going to address until I nagged him about the blood getting everywhere - and almost bled to death from two gunshot wounds. Still might die on that operating table. Someone needs to be angry!"

"I assure you, Dr. McKay, that policies and procedures will be reviewed and corrected where necessary," Woolsey responded calmly but firmly. "But may I also remind you that mass rescue missions of allied planets such as the one we have conducted over the past few days is not exactly a normal operating matter. There is still a learning curve and this particular lesson will have been learned in one of the most upsetting ways. But it will be addressed all the same to prevent future incidents."

Silence fell over them momentarily as his statements effectively quelled McKay's rant and gave Jennifer a small measure of peace concerning the day's events and future scenarios. But before she could continue on her retreat mission from the infirmary, Woosley's eyes locked in on her.

"Dr. Keller," he stated with a sense of sincerity and remorse she had never witnessed in the man before. "I am so very sorry for what you have had to endure today. We will review the entire event with a fine tooth comb to ensure something like this can never take place again."

Jennifer rolled her bottom lip under her teeth and tried to force another polite smile. She nodded, probably too many times, and took a deep breath.

"Yes…," she replied awkwardly, feeling as though she needed to say something. "I… I appreciate that. Um… I'm going to go now. Sleep. Yeah."

Jennifer suddenly felt even more overwhelmed as a set of four concerned eyes found her. But she couldn't deal with it anymore. Without any further words, Jennifer resisted the urge to run and kept her pace steady as she left the infirmary. Her second home. A sanctuary of sorts that suddenly felt so tainted and foreign to her.

A shower was a top priority for her as she made her way through the halls of Atlantis. Having taken this route to her quarters hundreds of times before, muscle memory did most of the work while her mind stayed jumbled and numb. She was terrified to stop long enough to consider any one thought, knowing that she was nowhere near ready to unpack this baggage.

She made it to her quarters and, still on autopilot, stripped down and got into the shower. The hot water was almost painful and yet Jennifer had no desire to lessen the burn. It felt almost as if the steaming water could wash away the day. If only it were that easy.

Before long, her attempts to not think at all seemed to explode into an anxiety-fueled rage. She was angry - so angry - but she didn't really know who to direct the anger at.

She ultimately pitted herself in the corner of the shower and finally allowed the sobs to rattle through her body as tears rolled down her cheeks. Against the nearly scalding water, the tears surprisingly felt a little cool. Slowly, she slid to the ground and hugged her legs tightly, the water engulfing her as thoroughly as the sobs.

Eventually, the tears stopped coming and Jennifer pulled herself out of the shower and threw on the closest comfortable clothes she could find. Feeling exhausted in every way a person could, she fell into the bed but knew sleep would be elusive.

Jennifer had no clue how long she stayed on her bed, curled up and mostly staring at the wall but her silence was eventually interrupted by a knock on her door.

She sighed, not really wanting to talk to anyone but knowing it was still relatively early in the day and people were likely worried. She pulled herself out of bed, straightened her clothes and went to the door.

"Jennifer," Teyla greeted kindly, her features somewhat strained but graceful as always. In her hands, she held a tray with a sandwich, water and a few other items."I felt rather certain that you had forgotten to eat much today so I decided to bring you this."

Jennifer smiled and tried to ignore the wave of nausea that hit as she looked at the sandwich. "Thank you, Telya."

Teyla stood there a moment, watching her, so Jennifer stepped aside and motioned into the room.

"I understand that today has been very trying for you," Teyla began once she entered the room. "I just wanted to check on you."

Jennifer sighed and honestly wasn't sure how to answer that, so she shrugged slightly.

"I'm okay," she answered eventually. "How is the Colonel?"

Teyla sighed this time and took a deep breath. "He was in surgery for nearly three hours and is now in the critical care unit for observation. Dr. Wilson stated that he had to remove the… I believe it was called a gallbladder? The large intestine was also injured, but repaired, and the other bullet broke a rib and punctured a , and a small fracture to his uh…"

She trailed off as she held her hand to her shoulder, searching for the correct term.

"Clavicle?"

"Yes!" Teyla responded, "That was the term he used."

"It sounds like a good prognosis, then?" Jennifer stated as a weight lifted from her.

Teyla smiled again, "He said the recovery will be painful and will require physical therapy but Colonel Sheppard will very likely be able to resume active duty in a few weeks."

Jennifer nodded and looked at her feet for a moment, remembering that he was still the only other person who knew just how that man had threatened her today. "That's good. Um… have you talked to him?"

"Sadly, no," Teyla responded, her smile now gone. "Dr. Wilson is much more strict than you are when it comes to visitation. I understand it, of course, but I believe Colonel Sheppard recovers more thoroughly when one of us is with him. Though, perhaps it is moreso for us than him."

Jennifer grinned and nodded. Yes, Sheppard's team was as close to family as she had ever seen. When one of them were injured, it was almost impossible to keep the others away for any length of time.

"Jennifer, I must ask. Are you upset with Colonel Sheppard? I recall the look on your face after… after we entered the infirmary."

Jennifer took in a quick breath of air and shook her head, "No. No… I just… I've never seen…"

"Never seen a life taken in front of you?" Teyla offered after Jennifer couldn't seem to finish the statement. But Jennifer shook her head. That wasn't quite it.

"No, I mean, I have. Especially Ronon, you know?" she added with a nervous laugh as she recalled watching the large Satedan in action in the past. "But Colonel Sheppard…"

Teyla smiled knowingly as understanding seemed to flood her. "He does not often appear as a hardened soldier capable of such violence, I will admit. Especially for those who do not regularly accompany him offworld."

"Yeah. I mean, everyone knows he's scary good at what he does. I've heard the stories and lived through a few of them myself but… apart from that nightmare version of him, I've only ever seen the more laidback, happy-go-lucky or else grumpy, petulant versions of him."

Teyla laughed fondly at that statement. "Or bickering like a small child with Rodney."

Jennifer snorted slightly, "Exactly. But… I don't know. I think it was everything today, you know? And I wanted the gun off of me and I honestly thought the Colonel was dead or nearly dead so when he just came out of nowhere and… you know. And his eyes… it's like they weren't even his…"

"I know the look you refer to," Teyla said with a sigh. "The look of a soldier protecting his people from harm. Jennifer, I can attest to the fact that it is never easy to take a life, even for long time warriors like us. You must mentally separate yourself in ways, if only for a short while, in order to perform such difficult tasks."

Jennifer nodded and bit her lips. Yes, she remembered how quickly Sheppard's gaze had gone from terrifying to concerned to ultimately dejected before he had passed out. She had watched the process that Teyla was describing in real time. And suddenly, she felt guilt wash over her as she finally felt in her soul the same thing that she'd been trying to convince herself of for the last several hours: Colonel Sheppard's actions had been nothing but heroic and impressive, considering his injuries. Extreme and hard to stomach? Yes. But she saved lives in one way, he had to save lives in other ways at times.

"You're right," Jennifer said finally. "I was never… I was never upset with him, it was just scary to see him like that, you know? But I'm grateful he interfered when he did. More than you know."

Teyla frowned slightly but thankfully didn't push the issue much.

"Yes well, I believe Colonel Sheppard will be back to behaving as your favorite petulant infirmary patient very soon. And you will discover that the fear you felt towards him is quickly forgotten. When you are ready to return, of course. No one would fault you for a brief sabbatical following today's events."

Jennifer chuckled and wrapped her arms around herself. "Oh, I'll be back in the morning. You guys fight your battles your way, I fight mine another. I can't let something like this keep me from performing my duties."

Teyla observed her gently for a moment with a knowing smile. "I understand. Well, I must check on Torren and Kanaan before returning to the infirmary. Dr. Wilson promised to allow us a short visit with John around seven."

Jennifer smiled and nodded, "Of course. And Teyla, thank you. For everything."

After a classic Athosian meeting of the foreheads, Teyla left and Jennifer felt the sinking feeling of solitude creep up on her immediately. Thankfully, she didn't feel quite as irrationally fearful after addressing the Colonel with Teyla, but it didn't erase everything that had happened. Everything that almost happened.

With a sigh, Jennifer took a bite of the sandwich, deciding she probably needed something in her stomach. She was beginning to grab the water from the tray when she noticed a small pack of pills and a note.

I thought these may be useful tonight. Get some rest. Doctor's orders. - R. Wilson

Jennifer smiled at the pack of sleeping pills in her hand, suddenly very grateful for Dr. Wilson's decision to take the initiative to send the sleep aids with Teyla. Especially since this particular formula was known for dreamless sleep.

Feeling far better than she had an hour ago, though still far from okay, Jennifer drank down the pills and prepared herself for a little forced rest.

Morning seemed to come in a flash and for the briefest moment, the memory and weight of the previous day was forgotten and everything felt normal. The relief was short lived, however, as it all came rushing back, and with it came the anxiety of returning to work.

Jennifer did not consider herself to be exceptionally brave, at least not by the standards of some of the people she had come to know since joining the expedition. But she also didn't consider herself a coward. And she was logical enough to know that the only way to overcome the fear of returning to the infirmary was to address it head on.

So she got dressed and took a deep breath as she started making her way back towards the infirmary. She was giving herself a mental pep talk when she heard someone calling her name. She turned, now halfway to her destination, to see Mr. Woolsey and Rodney coming towards her..

"Good morning, Dr. Keller," Woolsey greeted with a cordial smile. "I hope you had a decent night's rest?"

She nodded truthfully, "Pretty good, thanks."

"Ah, well, that is a very good thing," Rodney interjected at that point. "The first couple of times I was held at gunpoint, it took several weeks to get back to any semblance of a normal sleep schedule."

Jennifer chuckled slightly at the scientist's statement. "Dr. McKay, have you ever had a normal sleep schedule?"

McKay frowned and looked as though he were about to respond but Woolsey beat him to it.

"Doctor, we will be having a debriefing around eleven concerning yesterday's unfortunate events," he spoke slowly and with as much empathy as a man like him could muster. "If possible, I would like for you to attend. If you are unable, however, we can postpone yours to join the followup that will take place once Colonel Sheppard is well enough to attend. But, given the severity, we at least want to begin addressing the most blaring and obvious lapses in policy. I will, of course, be recording the minutes for you to review, should you miss it."

Jennifer controlled her expressions as well as she could and nodded. "Right, of course. Let me see what state the infirmary and the patients are in and if I can break away at that time, I will. Um, are you two heading that way to check on Colonel Sheppard or…"

"No!" Rodney snapped, seemingly offended. "Which reminds me, you really need to pull the reins on that Dr. Wilson of yours. He gives Carson a run for his money on being an overzealous dictator. Since when do we not take turns waiting alongside Colonel Calamity while he heals from the injury or disease of the week? Surely by now…"

"Dr. McKay," Woolsey interrupted, Rodney huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Dictator Wilson so graciously invited us to visit Colonel Sheppard no earlier than eight, so I'm going to meet up with Ronon and Teyla, eat some breakfast and then we will all descend upon that medical bay. And so help me God, if…"

"We will be by later to check on you and Colonel Sheppard," Woolsey interrupted again, causing Jennifer to chuckle again. The oddity that was Rodney McKay really did surprise her sometimes…

But as she finally neared the infirmary doors, she found herself relieved that it was early and the infirmary was largely empty. In fact, she was fairly certain that the only remaining patient was Colonel Sheppard as everyone else had been either cleared or sent to the mainland after the events of the previous day. She imagined Dr. Beckett was all too happy to assist with the efforts to ultimately normalize the Atlantis infirmary.

"Dr. Keller!" Marie grinned broadly as she rounded the corner and immediately engulfed Jennifer in a warm embrace. "I am so happy you're okay and here… And I am so sorry you had to go through that."

Jennifer shook her head as she pulled away, "Oh, I'm okay. It's… well, I'm happy to be here."

Marie watched her for a moment before squeezing her shoulder and nodding.

"Well, all patients apart from Colonel Sheppard have either been released, released to their quarters with daily check ins or else sent to the mainland under Beckett's care."

"And how is our favorite -and only - patient?" Jennifer asked with a grin, trying to fall back into a normal rhythm.

"Doing well," Marie stated fondly. "He's been in quite a bit of pain, not that he admits to it. He's mostly been sleeping. It's honestly been strange not stepping over his team constantly."

Jennifer chuckled as they made their way closer to the curtained off bed, recalling the conversation with Rodney.

"I bet," Jennifer laughed. "They aren't happy about it, though."

Marie shrugged, "Honestly I think the Colonel does better with them around."

"Oh, I agree. I appreciate Dr. Wilson prioritizing rest but I'll likely raise the embargo on visitation."

Marie smiled and nodded, "Glad you're back, doc. I was about to check in on him… you got it? I'd love a quick food break."

"Of course, go!"

"Thanks!"

Jennifer watched her go before gently pushing aside the curtain and walking up to the Colonel's bed. Grabbing his chart to get up to speed, she took in the sleeping man's appearance.

For a split second, she flashed back to the previous day, seeing him limp against the bed with his head hanging to the side at an awkward angle, arms loosely at his side and one leg dangling haphazardly off the side of the gurney. As she recalled, he had simply been sitting mostly up in the bed, eyes closed in a moment of relaxation while waiting for his stitches, when the man had jumped up and shot Dr. Lennox. He had then immediately turned the gun on Colonel Sheppard the moment he lifted his head. It had all happened impossibly fast.

But unlike yesterday, the bleeding wounds had been replaced with neat bandages that protruded from under the gown. She smiled to herself, knowing how hard he usually fought to have scrubs over the gown. Aside from that, he was pale and had oxygen being delivered to him from a nasal cannula and his left arm was held in place along his stomach thanks to a sling.

She glanced at the monitor and saw his oxygen was at 94%, which was a little on the low side but she would allow him to stay with just a cannula for a little longer to hopefully avoid the high-flow oxygen of the full mask. His blood pressure was also low. Not alarmingly so but certainly worth nothing in case they needed to consider adding a vasopressor to his IV.

Jennifer then went to put the chart back in its holder after seeing the slight evidence of pain lines in his features even while sleeping, but apparently misjudged and was instead greeted with the loud clacking sound of the clipboard hitting the ground.

She tensed and jumped back, quickly scrambling to pick it up, only to stand back up and see Colonel Sheppard watching her closely through tensed eyes, his chest heaving slightly as he propped himself up with the good arm. She could tell he was on high alert, likely compensating for a sudden rush of adrenaline that was just as quickly fading.

"Doc," he grumbled as a greeting before falling back to his pillow, clearly in pain.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Jennifer winced, instantly repositioning the nasal cannula and running his O2 again to see if the sudden movement needed the oxygen mask to make an appearance.

"S'okay," he mumbled tiredly, his eyes closed as he seemingly focused on breathing through the pain.

"Let me grab some morphine…"

His eyes shot open, "No… please. M'okay."

Jennifer frowned as she watched him. She knew he generally tried to avoid heavy opioids, despising the mind-altering aspect of them, but she also knew that he had to be in significant pain following a major surgery not even 24 hours ago.

"Colonel…"

"Give me a sec…"

Jennifer watched as he continued to breathe, and sure enough, his features began to loosen and his vitals began to reflect a calmer state of being. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at the man's stubborn determination. Regardless, he seemed to get the worst of the pain under control as his breathing finally normalized and he opened his eyes.

He watched her for a moment and she suddenly felt a new wave of emotions that she couldn't quite place.

"You okay?" he asked after a moment.

She snorted slightly and responded, "I'm not the one who was shot."

He swallowed and blinked lazily as exhaustion took over the previous bout of adrenaline. "Not what I asked."

Jennifer shifted her weight to the other foot and looked down, unsure how to answer. "I'm… I'm fine. Thanks to you, that is."

When she looked back up at him, she saw the hint of a smirk. "I guess that's what I look like when I lie about being fine."

Jennifer frowned and took a deep breath, "I mean… It was scary. And I wish it had never happened but… he never even touched me. So… I'm fine."

He watched her for another minute before shrugging slightly with his good shoulder. "Okay, doc. But listen… what he was saying to you… what he was threatening to do… that can mess with a person."

Jennifer bit her lip and tightened her arms around her.

"I'm not… I'm not really good at the talking stuff," he continued, his voice low and strained. "And emotions. But I do know that with something like that, you should consider talking to someone who is good with talking and emotions."

Jennifer nodded slowly, not entirely sure what else to say but found herself wondering if he had some sort of first hand experience similar to her own. His words seemed to come from a visceral place.

"And, um, I saw the look on your face after I killed the guy."

Jennifer's heart dropped at that statement. She had truly been hoping that maybe he would have forgotten.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. My brain wasn't really functioning…"

But he held up his hand, the IV tubing dangling with the motion. "Don't apologize. It's natural. I try to keep that side separate from civilians. You should have seen McKay the first time he saw me do something like that. Took him a full week to stop avoiding me. It's… it's different when it's up close and personal. For me and for whoever is watching."

Jennifer listened in silence as the famous Military Commander of Atlantis said more words to her in one sitting than he had in the entire time they'd been working together. While she had never seen the side of him that could snap a man's neck in one fell swoop before, she had also never seen this side of him either.

"But… but I knew I didn't have much time before I passed out," he continued, the evidence of extreme pain now returning to his features. "And when I heard what he was saying… I knew Lorne wouldn't have heard the guy's demands and couldn't see enough to storm in without putting you at risk so…"

"So you did what you had to do," Jennifer finished, briefly wondering if she should place her hand on the troubled Colonel's arm, but ultimately decided against it. Still, his sad, green eyes met hers again and in them, Jennifer saw some of the sadness fade.

"Yeah…"

And in that moment, Jennifer sensed many things that were being left unsaid, and yet she was okay with that.

"Well, as I said before, I am very grateful that you somehow managed to pull yourself out of bed and… eliminate the threat."

He frowned and had a slight smile on his face, "Eliminate the threat, huh? Teyla? Or Ronon? Teyla…"

Jennifer laughed and nodded, "Yes, it was Teyla who said that. And she was right. And… you were right, too. I'm not exactly okay and I'll make an appointment with Dr. Reynolds. But I am okay enough to be here and keep working."

He smiled and closed his eyes, pain creases forming as he did. "Never doubted that for a second, Doc," he mumbled.

"Glad to hear it," she said firmly as she stuck her hands in her pockets. "Which means you won't fight me when I give you some much needed pain medication. And if you just give in to the sleep, then you won't even notice how they make you feel."

He cracked his eyes open before rolling them dramatically. "Whatever."

Jennifer rolled her own eyes and grinned, "I'll be right back, Colonel."

As she walked away, her eyes glanced over at the spot in the infirmary in which she had been held at gunpoint, and surprisingly, the physical reaction to the flashback was relatively mild. A lot had gone wrong during the entire event, which would need to be addressed, but she and Colonel Sheppard would at least both live to fight another day.

Both would continue to save lives, albeit in different ways, and she would just have to make peace with the ugly parts that came with that. But for now, Jennifer would just focus on one task at a time, which for now, was keeping Colonel Sheppard comfortable during his recovery.

Checking her watch as she pulled the medication, she realized that it was nearly time for the rest of Team Sheppard to descend upon the infirmary. She smiled, however, knowing that it would do them all some good.

As she injected his IV, she decided that while she still wasn't completely okay, nor were things back to normal just yet, they were something next to normal. And for now, that would have to be enough.


End Note: There you have it. I honestly enjoyed writing this even though it was very different than my usual.

But I am currently working on a longer story that will involve some Shep whump, Dave and, of course, comfort. Send good vibes for these children to chill out some so I will have time to write.