General Content Warning: Chapters in this story may contain upsetting or triggering content including but possibly not limited to violence, consensual and non-consensual sexual references and descriptions, drug and alcohol use and abuse, references to or descriptions of mental illness, self-harm or self-injurious behaviour, and references to or discussions of suicide.

~Thirty-Two~

It was impossible for Zack to sleep that night after talking to Cloud and then Kunsel. All he wanted to do was to take off to Junon and while on the way get a hold of Aerith and talk to her about what the hell had happened between her and Kunsel. He wanted to know why she decided not to tell him about the kiss between them.

At first when he'd kicked Kunsel out, he'd only really been feeling hurt and angry with Kunsel, but as the hours passed he started feeling hurt and angry with her too. He didn't want to feel like he'd been betrayed or question his relationship with her, but without talking to her, his thoughts were racing out of control, making him question everything, including how unhappy Aerith might have been for much longer than he realized.

Even if he decided not to give space to Aerith, like he'd promised, and did try to call her, she likely wasn't in an area with reception anyway so until she called him, he was going to have to just deal with having his questions go unanswered.

Although Kunsel had admitted to what basically felt like a betrayal to their friendship, he did feel bad about kicking him out of the apartment. He knew things hadn't been easy for him and he did believe Kunsel cared about both him and Aerith. Because of that, he decided later in the morning to go over to the motel he'd been staying in and talk to him.

When he got to the motel however, Kunsel wasn't answering at the room he was staying in. He knocked pretty persistently for a minute before deciding to try and look through a gap in the curtains of the window near the door. He cupped his hands to the glass around his eyes so he could see a little better and what he saw had his stomach sinking. There was no sign of Kunsel. In fact, it looked like the room had already been cleaned up and set for the next guest. If Kunsel wasn't there, where was he?

He didn't want to believe his friend would have taken off with the plan of disappearing again but that's what it looked like. If he'd felt bad earlier, he felt a million times worse after leaving the motel. Holding out a little bit of hope, he headed for Johnny's place, thinking just maybe he could be there. Maybe he'd just decided he didn't want to stay at the motel anymore?

On the way over to Johnny's he tried calling Cloud, to see if he was awake and how he was feeling. The call went straight to voicemail and it only added to the stress and concern he felt.

When he reached Johnny's place he used his key to get into the building. He climbed the stairs to the second floor where the actual apartment was. It was pretty quiet so he was fairly certain Johnny and Rayna were both probably still sleeping. Inside the apartment he first looked in to the third bedroom that Kunsel had been using when he was crashing there and noted it was unoccupied. Kunsel wasn't there, it didn't look like, but maybe he had been at some point the night before. He approached Johnny's closed bedroom door and knocked a few times.

"Six? You awake?" he called through the door. "It's Zack."

He was going to knock again but the sound of some movement in the room had him lowering his hand and stepping back from the door a bit. Johnny opened the door a moment later. He looked like he'd clearly been woken up from a heavy sleep. Even if it was nearly 11 am, it was still pretty early to wake up someone who worked nights. He had to remind himself not everyone consistently got by on three hours slumber. Johnny stood shirtless in a pair of sweatpants, his eyes barely open as he leaned his weight a little on the door.

"Sorry to wake you, man," Zack said.

"What's up?" Johnny asked him tiredly as he rubbed at his eyes a little.

Before Zack could say why he was there some movement behind Johnny caught his eye and he realized then that he hadn't been asleep alone. Rayna had been with him.

"S-sorry," he stuttered out, feeling embarrassed for some reason.

"Everything okay?" Johnny asked him, refocusing his attention on why he was there.

He didn't answer the question, asking instead, "Do you know where Kunsel might be right now? He wasn't here at some point after work finished this morning was he?"

Johnny shook his head.

"Great," Zack sighed. "I went by the motel and his room was cleared out. I think he took off and I'm pretty sure it's my fault," he said.

"Why your fault?" Johnny asked.

"He was by my place last night, or this morning or whatever. Things got kind of heated and I said some things. Kicked him out."

"Pretty sure he was planning to take off regardless of what you said," Rayna spoke up as she got up from the bed wearing an oversized t-shirt and stood behind Johnny.

"Why?" Zack asked back.

Johnny turned slightly toward her, looking like he wanted to say something but he didn't get the chance.

"He stole a bunch of money from Johnny last night," she announced.

Zack was shocked to hear it.

"Did he?" he asked as he looked from her to Johnny quickly.

Johnny nodded a little. "From a safe in the warehouse I had him working in," he confirmed.

"How much?" Zack asked.

"About forty grand," Johnny replied.

Zack's eyes widened as he heard the amount and he shook his head. He had to wonder then if that's what had really been in the backpack Kunsel had with him when he'd been by the apartment.

"Man, Six, I'm, I'm really sorry," he said, feeling immediately like it was somehow his fault. "Why didn't you call me?" he asked him.

Johnny gave a slight shrug. "It was late," he said. "It's alright."

"Uh, it's not alright," Rayna argued.

"I would have given it to him if he asked," Johnny said to Zack.

Johnny sure didn't sound upset. Zack felt upset for him. So much had seemed to go downhill since he'd convinced Kunsel to stay and let all of them help him while he was down and out. He didn't want to regret that but...

"Are you okay?" Rayna asked him then.

"Great," Zack answered lowly. He felt overwhelmed more than anything else at the moment.

Rayna looked from him to Johnny and decided maybe it was best if she let the two of them talk alone.

"I'm gonna go shower," she said and Johnny stepped back a little to let her pass, opening the door fully. Zack also stepped aside to let her go.

"Sorry for waking you up, Ray" he said.

"No worries," she said. She paused outside the room. "Don't worry about Kunsel," she added. "It wasn't your fault."

"Thanks," he said back, wishing that made him feel reassured.

"Coffee?" Johnny offered then.

"I guess," Zack accepted with a shrug. He headed toward the couches in the open living space while Johnny got on a t-shirt.

"She's right. It's not your fault," he said as he was heading into the kitchen area.

"After all the help that was offered to him, he just steals from you and takes off," Zack remarked with disappointment when he was sitting down.

"Pride, I guess," Johnny replied while filling the coffee pot with water from the tap.

Zack scoffed. "Yeah sure, too proud to accept money that's offered. Better to just steal it," he muttered.

"Things alright aside from that?" Johnny asked him as he scooped some coffee grounds into a filter in the machine.

Zack found himself shaking his head a little as he looked down. There really wasn't anything at that point that did seem alright.

"Something going on with Strife?" Johnny guessed and reluctantly Zack nodded.

With the coffee starting the brew, Johnny sat himself down near Zack.

"What is it?" he asked.

"There's something that..." Zack began to say and paused. He made note of the sound of the shower running from the bathroom and assumed Rayna wouldn't be able to hear anything. "I'm going to tell you something but I'm only telling you," he said then. "No one else. I can trust you to not say anything to anyone, not Rayna, no one?"

He really felt like he needed someone else who cared about Cloud to know. It was a really heavy to carry alone and not talk about.

"Yeah," Johnny agreed.

"I called him after work. He wasn't doing well. Tseng called him while he was on the road. He found out about a side project Hojo had going on. He was using a fertility clinic to get a woman pregnant with a sample he got from Cloud in Gongaga," he revealed.

He didn't look up at Johnny to see if he had any kind of outward visible shock or surprise in his facial expression. He was used to him being pretty stoic.

"It was successful?" Johnny asked in return after a moment.

"Yeah, I guess she did give birth but something happened and the kid got sick. He's gone," Zack told him.

He did look up then and could see Johnny did look kind of sad or sympathetic.

"So, he's taking it pretty hard?" he asked of Cloud and Zack nodded.

"He is," he confirmed. "I told him to come home, but..."

"What?" Johnny asked when he didn't finish.

"I dunno," Zack said.

He couldn't really explain the uneasy feeling he had, if it was just from feeling worried for Cloud and bad about what he was going through, or if it was from something else. It might have been because of something Cloud had said. That everything felt different now. He was scared of what this news about him having and losing a child he didn't know about was going to really do to him mentally.

"I'll just feel better when I can talk to him today. He said he was drinking last night and he did sound pretty messed up," he explained. "I've tried calling him but it goes straight to voicemail."

"He's probably just sleeping off the alcohol," Johnny suggested.

"Yeah probably," Zack agreed.

The smell of fresh coffee had been sweeping through the living area. He heard the sound of the shower turning off. Suddenly some tears were misting up his eyes.

"He'll be okay," Johnny assured him. "He's been through a lot, he'll get through this too."

"Wish he didn't have to," Zack replied sadly. "I wish that we knew that there was no possible way that Hojo could keep hurting him or anyone else, but who knows what else he's hiding?" he spoke with concern. "You know, it's taken a long time and a lot of hours of therapy to convince myself that real justice is legal justice and that if that psycho's found he should go to prison, but…after finding this latest thing out…man, I swear if by some chance he was here in the city and I ran into him, whether it sent me away to prison for life or not, I'd kill that son of a bitch."

Johnny gave a short nod in acknowledgement. He stood up once more and as he headed in the direction of the fresh brewed coffee he said something over his shoulder.

"Well, don't take this the wrong way, but I hope you never get that chance," he said, making Zack smirk a little.

Rayna exited the bathroom then, some steam from the shower following her. After handing Zack some coffee, Johnny went to use the bathroom next. Rayna poured herself some coffee as well before sitting herself down where Johnny had been moments earlier. Zack tried calling Cloud again and again the call went straight to his voicemail. With a long exhale he lowered his phone once more from his ear.

"Trying to get through to Aerith?" Rayna asked him and he shook his head.

"Cloud," he told her. "His phone must be off or dead or something. He knows it makes me crazy," he added.

"I'm sure he's okay," she said, not knowing as much as he did and what had happened to him the day before.

"Yeah," was all he said in return.

"Have you been able to talk to Aerith since she left?" Rayna asked then.

"Nope," he said. "She said she'd call when she was settled."

Rayna nodded a little to that. "I'm sorry she left," she said. "It must be weird, being alone at home," she commented.

"It is," he confirmed. "Sure doesn't feel like a home when it's just me."

"Well there's an empty room here if you ever get too lonely," she pointed out.

"Yeah, sure, that wouldn't be weird," he replied and she looked back at him with some confusion.

"Why would it be weird?" she asked as she set down the coffee cup in her hand to tie her damp hair up on her head with a hairband.

"Well, seems like things between you and Six are…" He hesitated on what he was going to say. "You know," he concluded and she just laughed off the observation he was making.

"We share a bedroom sometimes, not date nights or a marriage certificate," she said.

"Right, not yet anyway," he teased her.

She scoffed at his words. "More like not ever," she said and the way she said it he didn't think she meant it offensively towards Johnny.

"Why?" he asked. "You seem to be able to put up with each other," he pointed out lightly.

"Neither of us are really the type for conventional relationships," she said.

"Never thought I was either," Zack said. "Now…feels like that's all I want most days."

000

"So, how are we this morning?"

Cloud looked up from where he was watching the IV pole he had his right hand around while making his way out of the bathroom that was attached to the hospital room he woke up in. Who he assumed was a male nurse was looking at him from next to the nearby bed, a clipboard in his hand.

"You know where you area?" the guy asked when he didn't respond to the inquiry.

Cloud figured the answer was pretty obvious. He just nodded to his second question.

"Do I have to be on this anymore?" he asked the nurse, speaking of the IV drip he'd woken up attached to. He very vaguely remembered being hooked up to it hours earlier.

"No, I can take the line out," the nurse told him.

He approached the bed and sat himself down on it so the guy could pull the needle from his wrist and affix some cotton and tape over the entry site. Minutes earlier he'd thought of pulling it out himself but decided not to, choosing instead to wheel the pole with him into the bathroom so he could relieve himself. His head was pounding and his mouth felt dry. His eyes felt like rocks inside his skull. He really didn't want to move, and at the same time wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

"How'd I get here?" he asked the nurse.

He didn't remember that part at all. The last thing he remembered most clearly was getting off the phone with Zack and finally getting cold enough to force himself to move, making his way back into Rand's building. Zack couldn't have called at a better time. He knew what he'd been about to attempt before his phone had suddenly started ringing.

Once inside the building though, he didn't go back to Rand's unit. He made his way down to the ground floor of the building and headed out to the street, liquor bottle still in tow. That's really all he remembered until he was very briefly waking at the hospital while he was being moved into a bed and having the IV inserted.

"You were transported by ambulance," the nurse told him.

"You know who called?" Cloud asked next and the guy shook his head.

"Doesn't say on your chart," he replied as he picked up his clipboard again and flipped up one of the pages.

"Does it say where I was when I was picked up?" was Cloud's following question.

"Cannondale Square," the nurse told him and Cloud nodded a little even though he had no idea where that was.

"Am I allowed to leave?" Cloud said.

"Not quite yet," the nurse answered while writing a few things down on the clipboard in his hands. He glanced up at the clock on the one wall to make note of the time. "The doctor's doing his rounds and will come and talk to you and then you'll get your discharge," he said.

Nodding again slowly, Cloud looked around the room and then asked, "Is my stuff around that I came in with?" He'd woken up in his boxer shorts and a hospital gown.

The nurse stepped over to a nearby cabinet and opened it. I pulled out a clear plastic bag of items with a sticker label affixed to it and handed it to him. Cloud took it and could see that the label had his name printed on it. His name was also on the plastic bracelet around his left wrist. That meant either he'd told them who he was when he was brought in or they'd seen his identification.

"The clothes you were brought in wearing aren't in great shape," the nurse told him and Cloud knew why he was saying so. Though he didn't remember doing it, he could tell from looking at the items in the bag he must have thrown up on himself at some point.

"Is there someone you can call to bring you something clean?" he was asked and he shook his head a little. "Oh," the guy said a bit softer. "Okay. There's a store downstairs that sells some things. I can get you a set of scrubs to put on temporarily if you want to take a trip down there," he offered.

"Yeah, thanks," Cloud said to that with his head down. He didn't really want to look at the guy.

"I'll be back," the nurse told him before leaving the room.

While waiting for the doctor, he drank some water that had been left for him and tried to remember what he couldn't. He was looking out the window at the gray sky outside when the doctor finally made it to his room.

"How are we feeling today?" the man asked him in a friendly voice.

"Like crap," Cloud told him dully and the man smiled.

"I don't doubt it," he remarked. "How much do you remember from when you were brought in?" he questioned.

"Barely anything," Cloud admitted.

"Well there wasn't much for us to do. You didn't need any gastric pumping or anything like that. You kind of took care of getting your stomach contents out on your own," he said lightly. Cloud got that he was attempting to joke a little with him, maybe to make him feel less embarrassed or more comfortable but it wasn't working.

With a straighter face once more the man went on. "We gave you some fluids and kept on eye on you, but everything should be fine," he concluded. "Make sure you eat and that you drink plenty of fluids today," he added.

"Fine," he agreed a little impatiently.

"Do you drink like that often?" the man asked him then and he looked up at him.

"Like last night?" he replied. "Never."

"That's good to hear," the doctor told him. "I would advise avoiding that."

"Can I go then?" he asked and was met with a nod.

"Yes. I'll have the nurse prepare your discharge paperwork and we'll get you on your way. It'll be about fifteen minutes," the doctor said.

That would be enough time to go get himself some clothes from the store the nurse mentioned. There was something else he needed though.

"Uh, I lost my medications last night. Is there any way you'd be able to write me some prescriptions I could get filled? I'm not from here," he explained. It wasn't so much that he'd lost the medication as he realized he didn't have access to them. Saying he lost them was just simpler.

"Where's your doctor located?" the man asked.

"Midgar," he said.

The doctor took a pen from the pocket at the front of his coat and handed it his way. He turned his clipboard around for him.

"If you write down his or her name and office number I can give the office a call and see if I can get that going for you," he offered.

"Sure," Cloud agreed and proceeded to write down the info he'd been asked for. He handed the pen back to the man then and the doctor looked at him like he was questioning something but wasn't sure he should say anything.

"Cloud," he said his name then and it made him feel awkward. It always made him feel awkward when someone he didn't know said his name. "Are you seeing someone regularly as well for your mental health?" the doctor asked.

"My mental health?" Cloud echoed in question. "Why?"

"Forgive me for being forward, but I'm aware of your history, in a basic sense of course," the man told him, making his stomach sink and tighten. He looked down at the floor as the man went on. "After all you've gone through, it's important that you take care of yourself and that includes your mental well-being," the doctor told him gently. "So, is there a professional you've been seeing back in Midgar?" he asked.

"Yeah," Cloud barely spoke as he nodded a little.

"Good," the doctor said. He left it at that, perhaps because he knew how uncomfortable he was. "I'll go contact your doctor's office."

Cloud looked up to watch him leave before getting himself up so he could head down to the main floor of the building.

He wore the scrubs he was given by the nurse down to the gift shop where he purchased some clothes he could wear out of the hospital. He was changed and waiting to go for about ten minutes before the nurse finally returned to give him his discharge paperwork and the bill for the ambulance ride he'd been given without a choice. He wasn't that upset about it, he supposed. The nurse told him he could pay the bill downstairs and that his doctor had called in prescription replacements to the pharmacy downstairs as well. They'd be ready for him to pick up in 20 minutes.

Although he'd already looked through the bag of his belongings the hospital had collected, he searched it again while waiting on his medications. Luckily his wallet had been there, which meant he had money on him for his bill and the clothing and meds. His phone was there although it had run out of battery life and shut off. The one thing he didn't have were his keys. That's why he'd asked the doctor for new prescriptions.

He thought back on where they could be and accepted that he must have left them in Rand's apartment. Without the keys he couldn't drive his bike anywhere and all of his stuff was locked into the cargo cases attached to it. That meant, at some point he'd have to go back and face Rand again. It was really the last thing he felt like doing.

It was raining when he got outside. He could have gone back in to the hospital gift shop for an umbrella but didn't bother. He tied closed the plastic bag his clothes were in and put the hood up on his sweater, accepting of the fact he was going to get wet. He didn't care. He headed in the direction of a bus stop, only knowing the area vaguely because he'd already been at the hospital once asking about Angeal.

When the bus came he asked the driver if there was an electronics store on the route. The driver told him there was and that he'd make a stop for him at the place closest to the shop.

At the store he was able to pick up a charging cord that would work with his phone and asked the guy working the counter where the nearest hotel was. There was one just a couple blocks away but he was told it wasn't a nice place. He didn't care. He wasn't sure he really cared about anything at that moment. The only thing he remotely cared about was calling Zack to let him know he was still alive. He was sure after what he'd told him the night before that his friend was probably worried about him and that there was a good chance he'd tried to call him that morning. He had no intention on telling him about the hospital. He didn't even really want to talk. All he wanted to do was sleep.

The clerk at store where he bought his charger hadn't been lying about the hotel. It definitely wasn't nice but the fact it was cheap seemed like a good thing. The room he checked into actually wasn't as bad as he anticipated. The bedding and towels at least looked clean. When he checked in he asked if there was a laundry room he could use and was told there were some coin operated machines on the ground floor. He got his stuff from the night before into a machine while his phone was charging enough to get it to turn on. Once it was on he could see Zack had definitely tried to get in touch with him that morning. He called him back right then.

"Thank god," Zack said when he answered.

"Sorry," he said, expecting Zack to be upset about once again not being able to get through to him.

"That's okay," Zack replied instead. "I was just worried," he said. "How're you doing?" he asked softly.

"I dunno," Cloud said back.

"You don't sound great," his friend noted.

"Yeah, I'm really tired. I feel really sick," he said.

"You just going to rest today then?" Zack asked. "Head out tomorrow?"

Head out. Cloud thought about it, remembering their conversation and Zack suggesting he should come home rather than continue on his road trip he'd initially planned.

"Yeah, uh, I don't know," he replied finally.

"What do you mean?" Zack questioned his response quickly.

Cloud shook his head. He didn't really know. He just couldn't imagine going anywhere at the present moment.

"It's raining, so," he said back finally.

"If it's better weather tomorrow, then?" Zack said. "You'll start heading home?"

It took him probably too long to answer but he did finally. "Uh, yeah," he agreed.

"Okay," Zack replied. "Look, I'm really sorry again about what Tseng told you," he conveyed in what he hoped was a supportive tone. "And I know it won't help to hear right now, but it won't always hurt so much," he promised.

Really there was no way he could actually make that promise. It's not like he knew from experience.

"Yeah," Cloud said, his own tone flat. "I'm really tired," he repeated then. "So, I'll talk to you later," he added.

"Okay," Zack said. "Well, I love you," he told Cloud like he had so many times.

"I know," Cloud said. "Same."

"Okay," Zack said again. He really didn't really feel good about getting off the phone but Cloud didn't really give him a choice. He ended their call before he could say anything else.

Zack tried, as he most often did to stay positive. He kept telling himself that in just days, his friend would be back in Midgar and he'd be able to help him through what he was dealing with. It was hard for him to do anything or support him when they couldn't see each other face-to-face.

He didn't let himself get too worried by Cloud's decision to stay another day in Junon. He certainly didn't want him travelling if he wasn't up to it. Travelling cross-country on a motorcycle was dangerous enough when alert and well. The following morning, though, when he had him on the phone again, Cloud told him that the weather wasn't looking great and he was going to put off going anywhere for another day. Again, he tried not to worry too much, even if the concern was growing in his gut. He told himself to stay cool.

The following day, he tried calling Cloud again and his friend answered him in text. He asked Cloud if he was on the road yet and his response was that he was. He was relieved, at least for the time being. He'd be even more relieved when he was able to see Cloud in the flesh and from there they could deal with anything they needed to.

He knew it was going to be at least a day before Cloud was back in Midgar. He tried to stay occupied with work and exercise, spending more time outside running. He was staying positive, refusing to let in the despair that was always creeping around in the shadows, or around corners. He stayed calm until he couldn't. Until his positivity and hopefulness was abruptly shattered.

He'd been looking at the string of unanswered text messages he'd sent to Cloud. He'd looked at them multiple times through the afternoon. He'd asked Cloud to text him at a rest stop to let him know he was okay but a response didn't come. He gave up finally and called. He kept calling until Cloud actually answered.

"Where are you, buddy?" he asked. "You have an ETA or what?"

Cloud was silent. He knew something was wrong.

"Spike?" he spoke with apprehension. "Where are you?" he repeated. His tone was more stern but also, suspicious.

"Zack, I…" he started to say slowly.

It hit him then.

"Are you still in Junon?" he asked and received the sound of an exhale. "Cloud, tell me you aren't still sitting in Junon," he said, trying to remain calm and understanding.

"I am," his friend finally confirmed his suspicion. He broke into a sweat but tried to keep from tensing up too much.

"Why?" he asked, putting out of his mind the fact Cloud had lied to him and made him think he was already on the road when he wasn't. "Buddy, if you aren't feeling up to driving just ditch the bike in a storage place and get a bus or train ticket. We'll deal with the bike later," he told him.

There was what felt like an incredibly long silence before Cloud finally spoke again.

"I dunno, Zack," he said then and suddenly he wasn't just feeling tense and confused, he was feeling sick.

"What don't you know?" he asked hesitantly.

"I don't know," Cloud repeated quietly. "I'm not sure that I..."

There was a pause. Zack waited to find out what he'd have to say and what he got wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"Zack I'm not coming back to Midgar."

There was an intense ringing in Zack's ears then. His heart was beating harder suddenly but he also felt like the air was getting sucked from his chest.

"What do you mean?" he questioned.

"I don't want to come back," Cloud told him. He sounded emotionless as he said it. It didn't seem right.

"But…this is where you live," Zack pointed out. "It's your home."

Cloud sighed a little before responding. "It doesn't really feel like it. It's never felt like that to me," he said.

Zack did understand that, but even if he hated Midgar, it wasn't the city that made it his home.

"It's where your family is," he reminded Cloud and his tone was getting sharper, more forceful. He tried to reel it in.

"I don't have family, Zack," Cloud said and if he weren't positive it were Cloud's voice he were hearing he would have thought for sure his friend would never say something like that. He couldn't stop himself from coming back at him more aggressively then because what Cloud said hurt.

"Seriously?" he said in shock. "After everything? We aren't family?"

"The closest you can get," Cloud told him in partial agreement, "but you know what I mean—"

"No, Cloud, I don't know what you mean," Zack was quick to respond. "Where the hell are you going to go instead? You're just going to stay in Junon now?" He could hear the sound of panic in his own voice. He felt like he wanted to cry.

"I don't know," was all Cloud could say.

Even with his friend sounding distant and sad, and even knowing how he had been given some of the worst news from Tseng anyone could be given and that the last year had been so incredibly difficult for him, he still had a hard time not getting upset. He tried though with all his might to be as reassuring as he could be. He just needed to get Cloud home.

"What about everyone here who cares about you?" he asked.

"I'm just dead weight, Zack," Cloud claimed. "And everyone looks at me like they hope one day I'm going to be better than I am and I don't see that happening," he declared. It sort of threw Zack off hearing that that was how he felt. He didn't think that was the truth in the least.

"No one wants you to be better than you are, we just want what's best for you and to help you when you need it," he argued. "And you're not dead weight. You know how important you are to me and everyone else," he tried to tell him but Cloud made a sound, something that sounded like the sentiment was being brushed off. "What about Marlene? You're a hero to her," he said. "She'd be crushed if you didn't come back."

He knew there was no way Cloud couldn't see that. His friend sighed before responding.

"One day she'd realize I'm nothing like she thinks," he said.

It wasn't working. His words weren't getting through. Feeling helpless all he could think to do was to plead.

"Please, Spike, please, don't turn your back on the people who love you. Don't push us away, you need us right now, okay? And we need you. Please, I know you're hurting and you're really struggling but you belong here with us, you just…you have to come home," he begged. His tears were running down his face then and his voice was starting to shake.

"I'm sorry," was all Cloud said to him. He didn't really sound sorry. He didn't sound like he was feeling much of anything, like the pleas had no effect on him at all.

"Are you serious right now?" Zack threw back at him then, feeling his anger coming to the forefront. Reasoning wasn't working, begging wasn't working. Anger seemed like all that was left. "You're really just going to ditch your life and everyone who cares about you? That's selfish and it's bullshit Cloud," he chastised him.

"Selfish," Cloud muttered back as if he did on some level disagree. It was hard to read in his voice.

"Yeah, it is. After everything that was sacrificed for you. I basically gave up my freedom, Reno gave up his job, Six nearly gave his life. You're just going to abandon us?!" he practically yelled into the phone. Cloud was quiet and didn't respond. "Is that it?" he questioned his friend on the other end of the line.

"I don't want anyone sacrificing for me, Zack," he finally replied. His own voice was still the same. Still just quiet. Distant. "This way no one needs to feel they have to."

Zack didn't get a chance to say anything to that. He heard what he thought was the line cutting out and when he spoke to confirm he knew that Cloud had ended the call. He tried to call him back immediately but it didn't even ring. He could have tried calling again, as many times as it took to get him to answer but instead he was sending the device sailing with force against the nearest wall where it broke apart on impact.