Hey everyone! I am so sorry for taking so long to update. Life. Could do without it some days. Anyway, if you're back here, thank you so much. I love you guys for still caring about this fic and wanting to keep reading despite the long waits between chapters. I do have most of Chapter 40 put together as well, so I'm hoping it won't take too long to have it out. I really want to get this thing finished for you (but will this series really ever finish? lol).

Also, about the reviews you've been leaving and my lack of response, unfortunately (and many of you probably already know) the site was at one point failing to send out notifications pretty much for everything, or at least, that was my experience for over a year so I'm having a hard time keeping track of what I've already replied to. I'm going to try my best to respond to everything but if I miss you, I'm so sorry! I've had requests for a few years now to move this series onto another platform (i.e. Archive) and that's likely what will happen if I ever have time.

In the meantime, thank you for putting up with me my friends lol

Keep being awesome,

-Jaydee

General Content Warning: Chapters in this story may contain upsetting or triggering content including but possibly not limited to violence, consensual and non-consensual sexual references and descriptions, drug and alcohol use and abuse, references to or descriptions of mental illness, self-harm or self-injurious behaviour, and references to or discussions of suicide.

~Thirty-Nine~

"Who the hell are you?"

Cloud looked toward the open front door quickly and observed the stranger looking back at him. It was a guy who looked like he'd just been somewhere remote. He had on either work boots or hiking boots, waterproof gear and a heavy looking backpack. He was tall and bearded with an orange cap on his head. It was difficult to judge his age. His facial hair covered the bottom half of his face but it was reddish brown and didn't look to be greying at all.

Cloud was stunned into silence as he sat at the table with the man looking back at him. The unexpected visitor had entered with a key. Cloud wondered then if he was a renter. Rand had said he'd been renting the place out but he couldn't see him bringing him to a place that he'd be seen by a renter.

The man actually seemed less shocked at seeing him than the other way around and certainly seemed more confrontational than fearful of having just walked in on him there. The man was about to say something else when something seemed to catch his eye. Cloud knew what it was. It was his hand that was cuffed to the table.

At that moment then, the screened door at the back of the house could be heard closing and there was the sound of Rand's boots on the wooden floor as he came upon the two of them. He froze in the kitchen at seeing Cloud no longer alone but he wasn't slow to act.

"Chip," Rand said as he started making his way toward the visitor.

"What are you doing here, Randy?" the man questioned sharply. "What the hell is this?" he asked, nodding at Cloud, speaking of him like he was more of an object than another person.

"Outside," was all Rand said back to him as he physically moved him backwards out the front door. "I'll explain."

"Why's he cuffed to the fucking table?" Cloud heard the man asking as he was stepping back out of the house, craning his neck a little to look at Cloud again.

They were out on the porch then and Cloud sat in shock listening to them arguing. He couldn't make out the words. They definitely knew each other.

Someone had seen him. Seen him restrained, obviously there against his will. He hadn't thought anybody might actually walk in on them, or him alone. He hadn't thought that chance would come and yet it had and he'd said nothing at all. He'd done nothing. It was then that he tried to decide if he should start yelling and making as much noise as possible to make it clear if it wasn't already that he needed help.

He couldn't see out the front of the house because the curtains were drawn but he thought he heard the screened door of the covered porch slamming shut. Rand re-entered the house then, alone.

"What did you say to him?" Rand asked him and he shook his head.

"Nothing," he told him truthfully. He'd been too surprised at the sudden presence of another person, he hadn't said a thing.

"He said that as well," Rand noted before he locked the door and began to remove his coat.

"Who was that?" Cloud asked when Rand didn't say anything else.

"My cousin, Chip," Rand replied but that was it. He didn't offer up any other explanation about why he'd been there or where he'd gone now.

"He saw me," Cloud pointed out.

"I know," Rand said through a sigh as he sat down in a chair by the door to take his boots off.

"Rand, he saw me," Cloud repeated with emphasis. "You have to let me go."

It seemed obvious. Even if the guy was his cousin, surely he wouldn't just leave and forget all about what he walked in on.

"It's fine," Rand said. "I explained things.

"Explained what?" Cloud questioned sharply. What was there to explain?

"You're my patient. You're undergoing addictions treatment. You needed somewhere remote for your rehabilitation," was the man's answer.

"What?" Cloud spoke through a dry laugh. "Who would believe—"

"It's believable," the man cut him off as he looked at him straight and came to a stand. "Trust me, radical treatments like this exist."

Cloud shook his head at his words. Radical like keeping someone cuffed to a table? He couldn't imagine anyone volunteering for that.

"Well, where'd he go?" Cloud asked then.

"There's a bunkhouse, down by the water. He needs a place to stay awhile, so I told him he could stay there."

Cloud followed him with his eyes as he walked past him back to the kitchen.

"What if he says something, calls someone?" Cloud inquired.

"He won't," was Rand's simple reply.

"How do you know?"

"I'm sure," Rand said. He turned on the tap in the sink and pushed his sleeves of his sweater up so he could proceed with washing the dishes from their breakfast.

"Why?" Cloud pushed. "Why are you sure?" The man certainly seemed sure. He looked back Cloud's way with an impatient sigh, like Cloud was just some child asking questions about something he couldn't possibly understand.

"Because," he said first. His hard expression softened then and he smiled knowingly, almost arrogantly. "He's an escapee."

"What?" Cloud said back, not really sure what that meant.

"From prison," Rand continued. "He's wanted. So, at this point he's not looking to speak to any police about anything."

The man turned around again to face the sink. Cloud took in the information—really it was sinking in, all the way down to what felt like his feet. No, he thought. Just because he was on the run, didn't mean he couldn't somehow anonymously tip off police to something going on.

"But, what if—" Cloud started to argue and Rand was fast to cut him off without looking at him.

"It's handled."

That was it. That had been his one chance. He felt like it was just more proof of the universe having it out for him. Someone actually finds him there with Rand and the man is able to convince the other person it's normal. And even if Rand's cousin was still suspicious, his own need to stay hidden meant the chance of him reaching out to law enforcement was unlikely.

He tried not to give up on the hope he had that eventually after enough days passed, someone was going to know there was something up. After not hearing from him, they'd start looking. Zack would look, even if they were at odds, or if things hadn't been the best between them when they last spoke. Someone was going to come looking for him, after enough days, they would.

But it had already been a few days since he'd spoken to anyone who cared. A few days since he'd seen Reno…A lot could happen in just one day. Supposing someone actually got concerned and started looking, how long would it take for them to find him? And could they?

000

No matter how bad things are, they can always get worse.

That's what Zack had heard many times, and he'd had enough experience to know it was true. Still, the 'worse' could, and typically did, come as a surprise. The worst kind of surprise.

He hadn't really planned on doing any talk therapy while he was in Costa del Sol. Frankly, most days he felt talked out, he hadn't thought there was much else to say that hadn't been said already, but after his brief chat with his former counsellor out on the beach, he realized that there may be still some things he wanted off his chest. He actually booked a session the next day and so much came flooding out of him he had no idea had been waiting to get out.

He'd been mad at Cloud, more than he had been able to admit to himself before that point. He felt betrayed, left behind, ditched. It was worse than Aerith leaving him and he knew that was a weird way to look at it. He loved Aerith and wanted a life with her. A marriage. A partnership. But she hadn't been with him through his lowest points. Maybe emotionally in his recovery from what he'd survived, but Cloud had shared the times with him when he was in excruciating physical and emotional pain. They'd been tortured together, had to rely on one another to survive. He did love Aerith and in a way he did need her in his life, but it was different with Cloud. He was like a brother and without him in his life, he felt incomplete. Lost.

They'd gone through so much. He'd been so fortunate to be where he was and not rotting in a prison cell for nearly taking Rand's life. He'd tried to do everything he could to move on from the past, to stay positive, and act as a support system for Cloud and yet his friend had lied to him, had done reckless things and now he was abandoning him.

He found he actually had a lot of frustration about his and Cloud's friendship and what felt like a sudden hard acceptance that Cloud had been basically lying to him from the moment they returned back to Midgar together. He'd hidden a whole life from him, a life that seemed at times painfully lonely and sad and self-destructive, like he almost didn't want better for himself. It was frustrating.

What had surprised Zack was how good it had felt to finally express to someone else the fact he was angry at Cloud. What he felt also made him feel incredibly guilty. He didn't want to feel like he did but he couldn't control it. Even knowing how hard a time Cloud had had, he was angry, and he was hurt. He hadn't realized how hurt he really felt by Cloud until he was in his counsellor's office, crying ridiculously. He actually had a lot to work through, that became evident to him and he was ready to try to do that.

Unfortunately, life wasn't going to give that time to him. It couldn't even give him a whole week.

He was awoken in the middle of the night by one of the nurses. He knew right away it had to be bad, even before regarding the grim expression on the nurse's face.

"Zack, I'm so sorry to have to wake you. There's an urgent phone call for you. You need to come with me," she told him.

Cloud. He thought it was about Cloud. It's where his mind always went first.

It wasn't about Cloud though and he really didn't see what was coming his way then. He walked with the nurse to the desk not far down the hall. She picked up the handset on the phone and pushed the line button, taking the caller off hold. He'd been prepared for the voice of just about any of the people he knew and was close to. He was surprised and immediately fearful when he heard his mother's shaky, emotion-laden voice in his ear.

"Zack, something happened to Dad," she told him.

"What?" he spoke back barely audibly.

"It was his heart. He's gone. I'm so sorry."

When he was growing up, he'd always seen his father as a healthy, pretty active person. He'd done mill work for many years, even before he was born. At home, he'd spent a lot of time tending the property. He maintained the woodlot that surrounded their house and enjoyed doing woodwork in his spare time. He'd enjoyed canoeing on the river that their property backed onto. It had been a shock to find out his father had had a heart attack not long after he left Gongaga for Midgar and SOLDIER. It had been mild but he hadn't seen it coming. He was sure his parents hadn't either. Although they were slightly older than any of his friends' parents at the time, it was still too soon.

He'd felt guilty about it at the time, like somehow the stress he'd caused by leaving home had been partly to blame. He'd had some fights with his father before leaving and there had been a lot of tension in the house when he told his parents he was leaving to pursue SOLDIER. His father's doctor, however, assured him that he wasn't the reason, though he still believed he contributed a little at the very least. Regardless, he felt bad about not having been there when his father had had the attack, and that he wasn't there to help afterward. He did consider returning to Gongaga after but his parents refused to let him if that was the reason. He'd taken to life at the Academy well and things were moving quickly. Apparently, SOLDIER could see a lot of potential in him early on.

The guilt he'd felt back then for not being there for his parents when his father wasn't well was nothing compared to what he felt later for the two of them being convinced he'd died. It also couldn't compare to the guilt he felt for continuing to let them think he was dead. As his mother delivered the almost unimaginable news that his father had passed away, he felt shattered. He'd just talked to his father from the facility the day he'd arrived there, both him and his mother. They'd sounded fine, everything had been fine. They'd wanted to come out there to see him. He assured them he was alright and that they didn't need to spend the money. If he had just let them come there, he would have been able to see his father one last time. They'd missed so much time over the years. Now, there was none left…

He felt like he was in a daze when he got off the phone with his mother. He hadn't cried when she'd told him what had happened. She did cry, though he could tell she tried not to. He hadn't heard a lot of what she said after. She mentioned the funeral plans. She asked him if he was going to be able to be there and he just mumbled that he didn't know. He didn't. He would have to talk to his parole officer.

When he got off the phone, the nurse asked him if he was alright. He nodded and, feeling stunned, he just muttered quietly that his Dad had died before he began to head back to his room. He thought that's where he was going until the nurse followed after him and took hold of his forearm gently, asking if he needed to speak with someone, he assumed she meant a counsellor. He shook his head and told her he was just going back to his own room.

"It's this way," she told him, turning him around. He'd been about to head the wrong way down the hall. "Did you need to call anyone else?" the nurse asked when he was outside his room and he shook his head.

"Thanks," he uttered to her before entering his room and shutting the door gently.

He stood in the dark a moment, leaning back against the shut door and put his hands to his face before running them through his hair and exhaling shakily. He didn't know what to do. It was the middle of the night but maybe he did need to call someone. Sitting down on the bed, he picked up the phone and pressed the button to dial out long distance. He didn't even know who he was about to call. He heard, even without the handset to his ear, the automated voice telling him that long distance calls were restricted at that hour and needed to be made from a staff station somewhere in the facility.

That's why the nurse had asked him if he wanted to call someone. He thought about his own cellphone then. He didn't have service out there but he would still be able to use it to video chat and text message through the facility's wireless network, only he didn't have it with him in his room. It was a standard procedure at the facility to obtain personal electronics from the patients upon intake, which meant his phone was locked up down in a security office in the admittance area. Although he could ask to use it during office hours, it was advised by the treatment staff to avoid doing so, the thought being that having access to personal devices could be a hinderance to recovery while being treated.

Obviously, at that point, the bigger hinderance to his treatment was the sudden passing of his father, so keeping himself away from his phone didn't seem to matter at that point. Still, he wouldn't have access to it until office hours commenced. He might have been able to ask for it given the circumstances but all he did instead was let the handset he was holding onto fall back into its cradle on the nightstand next to him. Really, he didn't want to talk to anyone at all. He didn't want to face what was in front of him, another terrible thing happening that he didn't understand, that didn't seem fair. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his forehead in his palms. He stared at the space on the floor between his feet until he couldn't see past the sudden building tears.

It took some time for him to get himself together and really process what he needed to do, even if he barely felt like he could move or speak at that point. He needed to contact his parole officer back in Midgar and inform him of what had happened. He didn't feel comfortable calling him on his personal line at his home so he waited until around 9 am when he figured he'd be at the office and asked at the nursing station to make the long distance call. He informed his PO that his father had passed and that the funeral was going to be held in Gongaga and he wanted to be there if it was possible. He tried not to seem like he was demanding to go, which given how tired he was, wasn't difficult.

He was told that he'd be able to go but that he'd have to be accompanied and would have to keep wearing the monitor that had been put on his ankle when he was leaving Midgar. He also had to be back either in Costa del Sol at the treatment facility or in Midgar the day after the funeral. He worried when he heard that he'd have to be accompanied, thinking he was going to have to bear having his PO or some police officer standing next to him in Gongaga, but he was told it could be anyone, as long as they met with the officer to sign some paperwork, essentially agreeing to be responsible for him with the understanding they would have to inform the office and the police if he didn't follow his conditions.

Only thing was, he didn't know who to ask and he didn't have a lot of time to figure it out. It needed to be someone in Midgar, able to meet with the PO as soon as possible. Tifa had Marlene to take care of, Johnny was running what seemed like eight separate business operations. He couldn't stand the thought of Reno being around for such a sensitive occasion. He didn't have a lot of choice, but he supposed even with not having much of a choice, the option he did have was more than fine. Rayna agreed to be his chaperone out to Gongaga. She was the only one with the flexibility at short notice, but even so, she hadn't made Zack feel like she was obligated to take on the responsibility.

His mother made the arrangements for his father's funeral quickly once she knew he was going to be able to attend. The visitation would be the following afternoon and the funeral service and wake would be in the evening, followed by the burial the next morning. He was going to need to be back in Midgar or the treatment facility by 5:00 pm that day, which meant he'd leave immediately after the burial.

He didn't know what he wanted at that point. If he wanted to be back in Midgar or the facility. The day was difficult. He spent a fair amount of it on the phone. He was given a code he could enter in his phone in his room so that he could make long distance calls outside of the normal hours. Aside from his PO, his mother, and Rayna, he spoke with Johnny and Tifa as well. He had tried calling Cloud but only got his voicemail. He couldn't imagine leaving a message about his father's death so he chose not to leave a message at all.

While on the phone with Tifa, she asked if she'd been in touch with Cloud at all while in Costa del Sol and he admitted that he hadn't attempted to reach out to Cloud since he left Midgar, until that morning. She mentioned she'd been having a hard time getting through to him, which didn't surprise Zack, given what had been going on with Cloud at that time. Tifa told him the last conversation she'd had with him through text had been a tense one and that they hadn't left off on good terms.

Although Cloud hadn't stated outright to Tifa his decision to not return to Midgar, it sounded like he'd suggested as much. Zack still hoped Cloud would change his mind about that, but he wasn't feeling much about it in the moment. For the first time in days, he actually felt something almost like acceptance for Cloud's decision. He couldn't control his friend's life, that had been made clear to him through his recent talk-therapy, and he couldn't let Cloud's life dictate his own, or his own well-being.

Tifa offered to let Cloud know what had happened to his father if the news was too difficult for him, but he asked her not to say anything and that he'd tell Cloud himself when he did get the chance to speak with him.

That night he had one last short counselling session that didn't feel productive in the least. Just the opposite. With the blow to his gut the news about his father had given him, he felt like he was sinking back into the hardened shell that had been building up in layers around him for so long. Sharlee recommended that he return to the facility after the funeral but by then he was sure he wouldn't be back. If it weren't for the heat Rayna would be facing, he was sure at that point he would just stay in Gongaga, courts be damned. He actually wasn't positive after he returned to Midgar that he'd be able to make himself stay there and go on trying to be a good little law-abiding citizen.

The following morning, he packed his few belongings and spoke with his PO on the phone, who reiterated the conditions he had for heading to Gongaga for the funeral. The man apologized to him again for his loss and acknowledged it was going to be a difficult time for him. Those words were followed by what was basically a warning not to let his grief or emotions make him act out in any way that would violate his parole conditions and risk him being incarcerated again. It was almost like he could read his mind.

Zack sat silent and barely listened to the man as he spoke. Before leaving Midgar to attend the treatment facility he'd already been struggling to care about himself and those conditions he was under. Now, with what felt like his life fully falling apart they didn't seem to matter. Going to prison didn't really seem to matter. Nothing really did. Everything was starting to feel the same. He felt numb.

Rayna called the facility when she landed in Costa del Sol to let him know she'd be there shortly. He signed his release papers in the admittance office, picked up his phone, and was waiting outside for her when the taxi she was in drove up, though he didn't notice at first. He'd planned on trying to send a few text messages out from his phone while he was waiting and still within range of the wireless network but it hadn't turned on when he tried to start it up. The battery had been nearly at zero when he'd arrive there. After turning it off, it must have lost the last bit of juice sometime in the past few days.

So instead he'd just been sitting quietly, leaning forward with his face resting in his hands. He heard the sound of a vehicle pulling up ahead of him after maybe fifteen minutes.

"Hey," he heard Rayna say and he looked up to see her standing outside the taxi, coming toward him.

He pulled himself together quickly then, not wanting to show her just how low he was actually feeling right then.

"Hi," he said back with a bit of a weak smile.

"Shit," she muttered as she lowered her head and put her hands in the pockets of her denim jacket.

"What?" he asked while picking his bag up and coming to a stand.

"I dunno," she replied quietly. "I suddenly feel like I don't know what to say or how to act," she admitted awkwardly.

"There's nothing to say and you don't have to act any way," he assured her.

She shrugged a little to that. "I guess I just wish you had someone better than me to do this with," she said back gently. "I'm useless with comforting people."

"It's alright, Ray," he responded through another attempt at a smile. He was grateful for her being there. "Thanks for coming out here to do this for me," he added.

"You really don't have to thank me," she said as she shook her head. "I'm really sorry about your dad."

She took her hands out of her pockets then to reach for something in her crossbody bag. It was a green envelope that looked like it was for a kind of greeting card, one offering condolences, he was sure.

"The others wanted me to bring this for you," she said as she passed it his way. "They all wish they could be here," she added and he nodded as he just stashed the presumed card away in a pocket on his bag in his hand. He couldn't look at it right then or he'd probably start crying.

When they were seated in the back of the taxi, Rayna handed him something else. Another envelope, though not from anyone giving condolences. It was from the parole office.

"I was told to give you that," Rayna said as he opened the unsealed envelope with a sigh and scanned over the letter. "If you aren't back by the day and time on it they issue a warrant for your arrest."

"Yeah, my PO let me know," he said dully. "Thanks though." He shoved the letter back into the envelope and into the inner chest pocket of his jacket.

"Were you able to relax at all, you know, before getting the news about your dad?" Rayna asked as the taxi headed out onto the main road toward the airport.

"Yeah, a little," he answered flatly.

"Was it helpful?"

He had to think about it a second but he nodded. "I guess…yeah, I think so," he concluded.

"Were you able to get in touch with Cloud yet?" she asked then and he shook his head. "You tried calling?" she questioned next.

"Yeah, I think he has his phone off or let it die again. Just got the voicemail," he informed her before looking out the window next to him. "I'll try him later but…"

"But what?" she asked when he didn't finish.

He shook his head. "I dunno. It's stupid but part of me doesn't really want to tell him," he started to explain as he looked forward again. "It's been days. The last time we talked wasn't great. He's probably upset with me. Can't blame him based on some of stuff I said to him. If I do get him to answer and I tell him about my dad…I dunno, I don't want him forgiving me just because of that," he concluded with a bit of a dry laugh.

"Forgiving you for what? Saying some shit while you were angry because he told you he was ditching you and Midgar?" Rayna asked. "I don't think he can hold that against you," she added quickly.

Zack looked at her with some surprise. "Did he tell you that?" he asked. Although Tifa had her suspicions, it hadn't sounded like Cloud had told her definitively he wasn't coming back. He couldn't imagine Cloud telling anyone else before her.

"Reno told Johnny and me," she revealed. "Said it probably wasn't actually a thing and that we shouldn't say anything to Tifa about it.

Zack sighed then. "Well, I think she already has some idea anyway," he remarked. He supposed Cloud was really serious about his decision, or at least more than halfway to serious.

If he was giving Tifa reason to believe he had been thinking of staying away, he had to know the news would eventually make it to Marlene. He didn't like thinking about how sad that was going to make her. With Marlene's father being gone for long stretches of time for work, she'd really come to see Cloud as more than just a friend. She really looked up to him and took things he said and did to heart, like she would with someone like a parent or family member.

There was a bit of silence then in the cab between them before Rayna spoke again. "So, you haven't talked to Cloud since before you left Midgar? At all? Not even in text messages?"

He shook his head. "Not since he said he wasn't coming back and I busted my old phone," he recounted.

"What's that been? Like a week?" she asked next and he thought about it briefly.

"Yeah, more than a week actually," he confirmed. It was sort of surprising even to him. He couldn't have ever imagined going so long without speaking to him, not since they'd had the freedom to talk to each other whenever they wanted.

Rayna was quiet again. He saw her take her phone from her pocket and pull up something, it looked like text messages. She stared down at them with a concentrated look that had him a little concerned then.

"What?" he asked her and she shook her head a little.

"Nothing, I just…" she stopped and lowered her phone to her lap. "If you haven't talked to him since then, I think either Tifa or Reno was the last one to and that was like four days ago," she said before looking up at the ceiling of the cab. "Or, five…" she said softly, still thinking.

"Four or five?" Zack said back with some doubt and confusion.

"Yeah," Rayna confirmed. "But you haven't had your phone on right?" she asked and he shook his head. "Well then he's probably left you messages you haven't seen. You haven't talked to Reno either since you left?"

"No," he said.

"Oh, well he went out to Junon after you headed out this way," she revealed.

"Why?" he asked sharply, feeling irritated immediately.

"He went out there to talk to Cloud, and see Rude, but basically went to talk to Cloud, to find out how he was doing," she explained.

"And he saw him?" Zack asked a little more calmly then. It was actually comforting to know someone had seen Cloud with their own two eyes recently.

"Yeah, guess he wasn't really happy to see Reno, no one ever is, but he was fine," she relayed.

"What'd that jerk say to him?" Zack had to question.

"I think they just talked about why he didn't want to come back to Midgar, but, also, Reno told him you were taking a break in Costa del Sol," she explained.

Zack exhaled heavily at hearing that and Rayna could tell he wasn't happy.

"Yeah, he should have probably kept his mouth shut. If you wanted Cloud to know you would have told him yourself," she noted.

"It's not like that," he argued gently. It's not like he didn't want Cloud to know—well he didn't, but at the same time, it's not like he'd been intending to hide it either. He felt bad then thinking about what it would have been like for Cloud to hear it from someone else.

"Well, anyway," Rayna went on, "Reno told him so I'm betting one hundred percent you have some messages from Cloud on your phone."

He nodded a little to her words but all he could think about then was getting to a phone he could use to check his messages.

"You don't have service coverage on your phone do you?" he asked, already knowing the probable answer.

"Not out here," she confirmed what he suspected.

"No problem," he told her. He already had a plan in mind.

They made it to the airport with very little time to spare, only minutes before the flight to Gongaga was set to board. After checking in and getting through security, Zack looked around for a payphone. He told Rayna he'd just be a few minutes, that he was just going to call his voicemail to see if any messages were left for him. She called to him to make it quick as he was headed away from her.

He had some coins on him thankfully so that he could use the old thing that seemed like it hadn't been touched in awhile. He dialed in to his inbox and found there were in fact messages left for him. Some of them were hang ups but he did get what he was hoping for. Cloud's voice. Hearing it gave him a little bit of relief but it was short lived.

The last time he'd spoken to Cloud, his friend had sounded tired and sort of vacant in a way. Numb, like he'd felt himself the last 24 hours, but in the message Cloud had left for him it was different. He sounded sad, emotional and…hopeless. The words left for him felt like they were squeezing his heart and lungs from inside his chest.

"Hey, it's me. I saw Reno today in Junon. He told me you went back to Costa del Sol. He, uh, told me about Aerith and Kunsel leaving. I'm really sorry about that. I'm sorry, too, about not answering your calls the last few days. I, um…I just couldn't. I don't really know why. Doing anything at all right now just seems…a million times harder than it should be. Just getting up. It's just…hard. I don't want you to feel like I'm mad at you or abandoning you, I-I'm not mad at you. I just think…there's something really wrong with me and it feels like nothing and no one can fix that. And, I don't think the kind of person I am now is the kind of person who should be a part of anyone else's life."

Cloud sounded shaky then as he went on, sounding like he was struggling to hold back tears.

"It kind of feels like there's only one place I should be right now, and I wish it was in Midgar with you and the others…but it's not. I…I'm really sorry, Zack. For so much. I think your life's been harder because of me. I think Kunsel probably saw that from the beginning. I think you'd see that too if you let yourself. I—"

Cloud's voice cut out then and instead Zack heard the automated voice telling him that was the end of the message and prompting him to save, delete or hear the message again.

"Shit," he muttered into the phone as he hit the button to save the message. His own breath was shaky then as he waited to hear if Cloud had called back to finish his message. He hadn't.

He hung up then briefly and searched his pocket for more coins to try calling Cloud.

"Please pick up," he started to say after dialing Cloud's number, but he couldn't get the words out fast enough before the call went directly to Cloud's voicemail. Rayna was at his side then saying something about needing to hurry up. He just nodded at her.

"Hey Spike, it's me," he started to leave a message for Cloud. I just got your message you left a few days ago. I didn't have my phone on me. I'm on my way to Gongaga right now to…uh, can you just call me at my parents' place when you get this?"

He gave him the number and sighed a little as Rayna was giving him a hand gesture to speed up.

"I just need to know you're okay. Okay, I-I love you buddy."

"Hey," Rayna said as she watched him put another coin into the phone. "We gotta go, the plane is boarding," she told him.

"I have to call Tifa or Johnny," Zack said as he shook his head at her words. "Cloud left me a message that sounded like…"

He paused, he didn't know how to finish his thought out loud.

"What?" Rayna questioned.

"I don't know," he said. "He got cut off and didn't leave another message but he said there was some place he felt he needed to be…but not in Midgar, and then…he said some other things." He couldn't tell her right then without breaking into tears. "Something just doesn't feel right about it," he concluded.

"I'm sure he's fine, you're just stressed out right now, with what's happened," she suggested.

"Maybe," he agreed. "I don't know."

He really didn't. He couldn't tell if the dread he felt in his stomach was from thinking something had happened to Cloud, or just the worry he felt for him in general and not having seen him in so long, or having talked to him. He felt so guilty now about not having his phone on and with him while in the facility getting treatment. He knew at the time he was trying to do what was right for him, focusing on himself but that decision just seemed selfish now.

"Look," Rayna said softly, trying to be understanding. "We really have to go, or you're not going to make it to your dad's funeral."

With a sigh, he set the handset back down in the cradle and retrieved the coin that was returned to him. He knew she was right.

"Yeah okay," he said with acceptance. As hard as it was, he knew he didn't have any other choice but to get on that plane. He'd never forgive himself for not being with his mother while his father was put to rest.

000

That afternoon, back in Cloud's apartment in Midgar, Reno had been trying to rest up for work later that night. Although avoiding Kunsel had been the initial reason for him asking to crash at Cloud's place, he hadn't gone back to Johnny's when Kunsel had left. Before heading out of town to begin his road trip, Cloud had suggested he just take advantage of the empty bedroom while he was away, rather than sleeping on the couch. With Cloud away, he had the place to himself so it didn't seem to make sense for him to move back in with Johnny and Rayna just yet.

Being further from the apartment door though, he barely heard the sound of knocking. He wasn't sure at first what had woken him up but then he heard it. The thudding sound that seemed to have some urgency to it.

He groaned a little as he dragged himself up from the bed. He reached for his t-shirt laying at the end of the bed and pulled it on groggily as he made his way out into the living area. He had a bit of a headache he realized as he was moving himself to the door and at the sound of another few louder sounding thuds in front of him, he called out to whoever was out in the hall.

"Yo! I'm coming, pipe the fuck down!"

He unlocked and opened the door to find two police officers standing on the other side.

"Oh," he uttered in surprise. "Sorry. Wasn't expecting you," he found himself saying. He shook his head as the officers glanced at one another. "Don't know why I would expect you," he added, feeling suddenly nervous.

Part of him, he supposed was always expecting a run-in with police at some point, given the work he was doing with Johnny wasn't exactly legal…Still, if he was going to be confronted by them, he assumed it would be while at work, not where he was living. He was pretty confident in his ability to cover his tracks and recognize if or when he was being followed. He didn't think it was possible they'd know where he was staying.

"Is this Cloud Strife's residence?" the one officer, the older and probably more senior of the two asked.

"Oh," Reno repeated with some initial relief. They weren't there about him. But that was where the relief ended. There was no good reason he could think of for why the police would be looking for Cloud. "Yeah," he confirmed slowly. "Uh, he's not here though right now," he explained as he glanced back over his shoulder into the apartment. He didn't know why he did.

"Do you expect him back soon?" the same officer questioned and Reno shook his head.

"Uh, no, he's out of town actually," he informed them.

"In Junon?" was the next question.

"Yeah…" Reno confirmed, watching the second officer retrieve a small notepad from the one chest pocket of his uniform jacket that he flipped open to somewhere near the middle. "He's on a road trip," Reno went on hesitantly. "You know he's in Junon?"

His mind was racing then. If they knew Cloud was in Junon then that meant they'd had contact with him for some reason, but it was Midgar PD at the door, not Junon, so Junon police would have contacted them and asked they look for him at home. He must have done something in Junon that they suspected he was responsible for.

"I'm Officer Padena, this is Officer Wyatt," the older officer introduced the two of then, avoiding answer to his question. "Can I ask what your association with Mister Strife is?"

"Mister Strife?" Reno echoed lightly, finding the thought of Cloud being called mister pretty comical. He had to look down at the floor a second to keep his face straight. It definitely seemed they were there because Cloud had done something stupid and they were looking to bust his ass for it. "Uh, my association with Mister Strife is, we're friends I guess," he concluded as he looked back up at the officers. "Roommates."

"You live here as well?" Officer Wyatt spoke up finally.

"Just crashing for a while, but yeah," Reno confirmed with a slight shrug. He watched Wyatt make a note of it in his little pad.

"When was the last time you had contact with him?" Padena asked.

"Um, like a little less than a week ago?" he told them. "I saw him on a visit in Junon."

"Do you recall the day?" Wyatt questioned without looking at him.

Sighing, Reno looked upwards as he tried to think back. "It was…Thursday. Yeah." He nodded to himself a little and looked back at them.

"That was the last time you had contact?" was Padena's question to that. "You haven't seen him or spoken since?"

"Yeah, that was the last…" he started to assure them but his curiosity had really gotten to him then. "Uh, is he in trouble or something?" he asked.

"No," Padena denied. "We would just like to talk to him to confirm his well-being."

That's the last thing Reno had expected.

Confused, he asked back, "His well-being? Has someone asked for a wellness check or something?"

Padena went on to explain.

"Police in Junon recovered some belongings of his and contacted us to complete a wellness check as this is his last known address. Do you have a phone number you could give us that we could try reaching him at?"

"Yeah, no problem. I just need to go grab my phone," he told them.

"That's fine, can we step in a minute?" Padena asked and he just nodded and opened the door wider for them. He headed briefly into the bedroom to grab his phone off the nightstand. "What belongings?" he asked them when he returned. "Like he left his wallet somewhere and someone turned it in?"

"A vehicle registered to Mister Strife was recovered from the harbor in Junon," Padena explained. "Some personal belongings of his were also with it."

Reno looked up from his phone quickly, not sure he'd heard right. "What? The harbor? His bike was in the harbor?" Both of them were nodding. Still he asked, "Like in the harbor?"

"It was pulled from the water near a pier and boat launch," Padena said before asking if Reno had the number available now for Cloud. He read it out to them feeling a little bit like he was dazed. Wyatt wrote the number down in his pad presumably.

"How did Mister Strife seem when you last saw him?" Wyatt asked then.

"Well, pissed off," Reno recounted with a light shrug. "He was annoyed to see me but it's just because I annoy him. Like, in a loveable way of course," he spoke jokingly before scoffing to himself and shaking his head. "Uh. Fuck. Sorry," he said as he slid his phone into his back pocket and crossed his arms loosely in front of him. "This actually isn't funny," he told himself. "He was fine," he finally told them seriously.

Wyatt flipped back a few of the pages in his notepad before speaking again. "Are you aware he had recently been admitted to the hospital in Junon?"

Hearing that did shock Reno a little. "No, what for?" he asked.

"I'm afraid that's all we can say about it if you aren't family," Padena informed him. "Does Mister Strife have any family in the area that you know of?"

"No, he just had his mom," Reno told him. "She passed away a while back."

"Are you aware of any substance use problems or mental health issues?" Padena inquired.

"Well, like normal stuff," Reno said a little uncomfortably.

"Normal substance use problems and mental health issues?" Wyatt questioned with a raised brow.

Reno rolled his eyes a little and sighed. "Like, I mean, he does take medications but he doesn't really drink because of that. And he's got…" He paused and shook his head again. He really didn't feel like it was his place to say anything about Cloud's struggles, even if not too long ago he'd had his own pretty scary encounter with them when he'd discovered he'd overdosed in the apartment. "I dunno, everyone has messed up mental health these days," he said.

Although they hadn't said it, Reno drew his own conclusion then that the reason Cloud had been hospitalized in Junon was probably related to his medication use, or mental health. He felt a little guilty then about how hard he'd come down on him when he'd seen him.

"Has he ever, to your knowledge been suicidal or committed self-harm?" Padena asked then and Reno looked at him hard as he realized something.

"W-wait. You guys think he drove himself into the harbor or something?" he responded sharply.

"We're just trying to get any information that could be useful in trying to locate him," Wyatt told him, not confirming or denying what their suspicions were. Reno could tell though it's what they were implying.

"No, man, no he wouldn't do anything like that," he spoke defensively, even though part of him knew it was possible. He just didn't think it made sense at all. "And he cared about that bike. It's just either an accident and he lost control or someone stole it and took it for some joyride. Either way, you didn't find a body or anything right? So—"

"That's why we want to locate him, so we can understand how his vehicle ended up where it did," Padena assured him. "Can we take your details down so we can contact you if we have any other questions?"

"Yeah, whatever," Reno said back, knowing he sounded as annoyed as he felt.

As he was showing the officers out, Padena reached into the inside pocket of his own jacket and retrieved a card to hand to him with his contact details on it.

"Here's my card. Can you give us a call if you hear from him?" he asked and Reno nodded.

"When I hear from him, yeah sure."

His tone had been confident but when he shut the door and was alone again in the apartment, confidence was the furthest thing from what he felt. He tried to make sense of what he'd learned from the officers. They hadn't been specific about which of Cloud's belongings they had found with his bike, but they'd asked for his phone number, which logically meant his phone hadn't been one of those things they'd recovered. Although he'd sent a few texts to Cloud's phone since seeing him out in Junon, he hadn't tried to call. He did try in that moment and got his voicemail.

"What the hell, Strife?" he found himself saying aloud as he made his way over the couch and sat down slowly.

He started thinking back over everything he could remember about his short visit with Cloud in Junon. Sure, he'd seemed low, fed up with life in general, but had he been so fed up he decided to give up entirely? He couldn't see Cloud just saying to hell with everything and everyone and driving off a pier to end it all, but maybe he would do something like that. Back when he'd found him overdosed, Cloud had indicated to him that he wouldn't take his own life knowing someone who knew or cared about him would be the one to find him. That meant that he'd at least thought about what he might do if he wanted to end things.

It occurred to him then that maybe this had been the reason for him wanting to get out of Midgar. Maybe this had been something he'd been planning to some degree…If so, why hadn't he known when he'd seen him. Why hadn't he sensed it? Had he missed something? He found himself wondering then if the clue he'd missed had actually been the most obvious. Zack. He'd been a little shocked at Cloud's response to finding out Zack was back in treatment in Costa del Sol, or rather, the lack of response. He'd seemed a little surprised and sad, but he'd been expecting maybe a little more concern, or for him to come back to Midgar, to be there for Zack when he got back. The way Cloud had brushed him off back in Junon…He'd read it as something like a temper tantrum, but now he was seeing it a lot differently.

Screw this, he said to himself as he got up and headed to the bedroom to get dressed. He couldn't just sit around and speculate about something he didn't have any real proof of. It was too early to just assume the worst or head down the same path of thinking as the police. It may not have been an ideal alternative, or a comforting thought in the least, but given the things Cloud had said when he'd seen him and his indifference to everything he'd once seemed to care about, as far as Reno was concerned, it was just as likely Cloud had simply walked away from his life in order to have a new one.