Suicide Squad is the creation and intellectual property of DC Comics.


Mission: Imp-Ossible.


Amanda Waller was not an easily surprised woman. None of her closest allies could remember ever seeing her shocked at anything, no matter the odds or circumstances.

Good thing, then, that none of them were in her office at that moment.

On the other hand, there was a tiny bald man wearing a purple suit and bowler hat sitting on her chair, instead, and from the reports from Metropolis, she had a solid idea on his identity.

"Who are you?" she asked regardless.

The tiny man grinned, showing more diminutive teeth than humanly possible. "Hey, Wall," he said. "I heard you employed the baddest of the bad in the universe! But you've missed the baddest of the baddest... until now!"


"Kyyyzptlm, kkztplym, myyyzyytlplll..." he sing sang, tapping a foot down while waiting in line.

The doctor injecting the nanites in Quinn's neck looked curiously at Waller for a moment.

"Don't ask," Waller growled.

"She's been trying to trick me into saying my name backwards for three days now! I took pity on her," the tiny man said, "so I'm giving her a sporting chance. Who knows, eventually I may slip and say it accidentally! Mmxxppt, lllyzzzpptk, zzzptlym...!"

Quinn laughed dumbly while Waller seethed to herself. "I like ya, lil' fella! But maybe you could wear a different color while we're workin' together...?"


The helicopter was taking them to Santa Prisca now.

"Asshole," Quinn grunted, her face now as purple as the little man's combat fatigues. "I told you purple brought bad memories...!"

"I'm just helping you deal with them, Puddin'," the tiny man chuckled, adjusting the purple helmet on his large round head while Croc, Boomerang, Shark, Deadshot, Frost and Flagg watched him oddly.

"Hey," Boomerang asked him at last. "From what I heard, you could just complete the mission by yourself, by snapping your fingers, right?"

"That's right, mate," the imp whistled, blowing on his fingernails. "What about it?"

"Well, then why don't you just do that?!"

"And where would the fun be in that? Besides, I don't work for you!"

"You volunteered yourself for this!" Deadshot reminded him. "You're the first person ever to, as a matter of fact!"

"I don't get it," Croc added. "You even let them inject you with the nanites!"

"Ah, yes, about that, I was wondering," the imp said. "What was that shot supposed to do?"

"It means that if you disobey Waller's orders and ever step out of the line, the nanites blow your head up," Flagg said.

"Ohhhhh! I thought it was because of the corona! It blows, huh?" Let's see..." He stood up, pulled his pants down, and flashed the rest of the Squad. "It was told not to do this anymore, so let's-" His head exploded in a geyser of gore splattering everyone else. "I can't believe it, you were right!" his headless body said excitedly, and he grew another grinning head. "This is gonna be fun! Let's have a song to celebrate! Kyyyxxmply, tttxzzzplmk, kxtlpmkm...!"

Harley grabbed him and threw him off the chopper. "Enough with that already!"

Croc and Shark looked somewhat disappointed, as they'd been licking the blood off themselves and could've used seconds.


"Let's see, let's see... hmmmm..." he floated around in circles, completely ignoring the soldiers shooting through him as he studied a manila folder of documents. "Ah, it's such a straightforward cliched mission, how boring! I knew I shoulda read this thing before coming..."

"For the luvva God, mate, just snap those fingers already!" Boomerang shouted while shooting another wave of genetically engineered mercenaries rushing him.

"Quiet, Boomer, can't you see I'm reading here? Alright, so we break in... done... retrieve the data... Done now, Harl?"

"Fucking midget, just help us already, will you...?!" Harley screamed while chased around by a mind controlled Solomon Grundy wearing one of Tetch's hats.

"I'm gonna assume that's a yes since you sound cheerier now," Mxy passed a page lazily. "Now we have... to kill the Presidente? Oh gosh! Egads and bummer! That goes against my solid moral principles! I refuse!"

His head exploded again.

"Okay," Mxy's body said. "Okay, I can get a hint when it's applied enough..."


"You killed the whole Squad," Waller said.

"Hey, no, I didn't! I'm here, right? And technically it's not that I killed them, they just happened to be there when I blew the place up."

"You blew the whole island up!"

"Look, it was Boomer's idea, right? He kept telling me I should just snap my fingers! I did, and well, that's what happens when us cosmic beings snap fingers! Just ask Thanos! It was Boomer's fault, not mine! Blow HIS head up!"

"I can't, because you killed him along with everyone else!"

Mxy looked guilty and dragged a foot around. "My bad, then... But hey! I snapped them again and brought all the innocents back! Otherwise, Supes would never play with me again!"

Waller breathed out gruffly. "Fine... You brought the data, didn't you?"

"'Course I did," he said, handing it over. "That was the deal, right? And I'm an imp of my word!"

"Great," she grunted, snatching it from him.

"Of course, along the way I made copies and downloaded them on the Web."

"..."

"Boss?"

"You. Did. WHAT?!"

"You never said that I couldn't! What, is that anything important? Ohhhh, I get it, it IS, so that's why you sent us... Well, it was a honest mistake anyone could have made! What's the worst it could do, reveal your governments' dirty laundry to the whole planet and cause World War III?"

"I'LL KILL YOU...!"

He backed away in sudden panic. "Kltpzyxm!" he squealed, and vanished without a trace.


Bat-Mite frowned. "You did WHAT, then...?!"

"Oh!" an annoyed Mxyzptlk pushed him back. "You're just jealous 'cuz you've never played in a big team! Just ask the League if they would take you, I believe they really need extra members right now!"


Mission: Achieved!