FAGE: Sweet 16.

Title: I'm Just Ed

Written for: Rebadams7

Written by: brierlynn03

Beta and Banner maker: GoOasis726

Rating: T

Prompts used: Accident, Music from the Barbie Soundtrack, Results.

Summery:

Edward marries Bella and are on their way to the wedding of Jacob and his imprint, Carlie. What happens when they with permission cross the Treaty Line to La Push?

FAGE Sweet 16 Story For Rebadams7


If you would like to see all stories for this event head to the community page FAGE: Sweet 16. All stories past and present will be posted here. Do not forget to add the C2 to your favorite lists for all new stories as they are posted.


Author's Note:

Happy FAGE Day! I am so excited about this story. Rebadams7, I really hope you love this story!

Thanks To GoOasis726 for being my cheerleader in this. For keeping me on track and steering me where I needed to go. The banner is a STUNNING work of art. And she made my words look amazing! 3

This story was not co written, but the plot was formed after a discussion with Jennifer, a writing friend, who contributed the chorus of the parody lyrics. Thank you, Jennifer!

And mostly, a HUGE thanks goes to our lovely Mistress Deonne for all her hard work through this!

I don't own Twilight's characters or the Barbie Movie characters or the song "I'm Just Ken". My brain just wrote the incident reports of the characters' misbehaviors.

Enjoy!


Edward

I have never been more excited to see a wedding invitation in my immortal life.

Well, except, perhaps, my own. To say that my wedding was one of the happiest days of my life would be an understatement. But today, my Bella's best friend, Jacob Black, is getting married.

Saying that, even in my mind, makes me want to dance. I have spent the last two weeks dancing, singing, and writing arias for the bride and groom, grateful that Jacob could finally see my Bella as just a friend.

Less than two months before graduation, Bella made a new friend named Carlie Anderson, who transferred from a different school on the Washington/Idaho border. Carlie was not happy to leave her old school so close to graduation. From what I gather, it was the longest she had lived in one place. Three years and a difficult breakup later, Carlie's Mom thought moving away was best.

Ms. Anderson and Renee Dwyer were too alike in terms of selfishness. Now, that was a scary thought.

Forcing the move seemed cruel, but in hindsight, it was for the best. Carlie's mother's ex-boyfriend was not a 'good' man. This information came to our attention after Rose heard some rumors about things Carlie lived through. Afterward, it took Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Sam Uley to keep her from going after the creep.

I found myself thankful that the man was already dead because it would not have been hard to ensure that he had an 'accident.' Fortunately for everyone, he met his demise naturally shortly after they left him.

Bella, the saint that she is, took our new friend under her wing, going so far as bringing Carlie to La Push when Jacob invited her to a bonfire. I received a call from a laughing Bella later.

"I need a ride home. Carlie is busy with Jake. They're perfect for each other, Edward! I have a feeling they might have a wedding before we do."

And sure enough, my love was right. Well, not about the date, anyway, but they weren't far behind.

Our wedding was on June 20th. Bella loved the idea of celebrating my Birthday when we married, and I could not tell her no.

Nearly every single detail of our wedding was perfect. It was a rare, beautiful day. Bella wanted to get married in Pastor Weber's small church with his daughter Angela as a bridesmaid. Bella's gown, inspired by a popular Edwardian style, was pure satin with a modest scoop neckline.

The back, however - Holy hell! The lace was pure yet sinful, nearly revealing her entire back from her neck to the swell of her behind. My Bella looked utterly ravishing, and it took everything I had to control myself in front of our family and friends rather than whisking her away.

The train was long enough that Bella did not have too much to trip over, and she could bustle it afterward. Her veil was longer, adorned with lilacs to match her bouquet. Esme and Alice made the bouquets from lilacs out of Esme's garden. Of course, leave it to Alice to predict we'd need the lilacs for my future wedding over twenty years ago. Esme had been growing them ever since.

I could go on and on about my wedding, forever the happiest day of my life. But I digress. Let's return to this lovely July wedding of our friends, Jacob Black and Carlie Anderson.

I would not usually be allowed on the beaches of La Push. Jacob and the pack have permitted me and Bella to attend the wedding as a thank-you for two reasons.

First, they were thanking us for Bella introducing Carlie to Jacob. Second, for my gladly paying for their wedding.

Who am I kidding? I gave them enough money for several weddings and purchased houses for the pack. From what I can tell, it has been a huge blessing for these boys. Many have been lucky enough to find their soulmates. The couples needed their own homes, but the dangers of their duties left them struggling to keep steady jobs.

Looking at my Bella, I can understand wanting nothing more than to provide all of my love's desires. I hope someday that the generosity and respect paid forward might help the wolves forgive my family for moving here and entirely disrupting their lives.

Being invited today was not an honor I take lightly. Today, I will watch our friends get married before Jacob claims his rightful place as Chief and leader of the Pack. No one in the Cullen family has ever seen such a ceremony - but all are happy we will experience it with them.

Alice has been torturing my wife for the last three hours to ensure she looks perfect. I concluded my love looked perfect this morning when she woke up with the early sunlight shining through her messy, bedhead hair. Nothing was more stunning than my Bella in her natural state. Alice disagreed.

Listening to them bickering makes me laugh. Bella truly is not one for cosmetics and fluff. Thankfully, Alice has nearly finished torturing my wife.

Loud enough for Bella to hear me, I said, "Alice, if you have finished, we need to get moving…"

"Nearly finished. Just one last bit…"

I hear Bella sigh, and Alice laughs.

"And done! She is a vision and will do the Swan and Cullen family proud!"

"Of course, she will. I picked the best woman to be my bride."

Alice giggled and opened the door to my room. Admiring Bella in her blush pink dress, I feel proud to have this woman on my arm.

"You are a beautiful ray of sunshine, my Bella. Your beauty is more than the fairest of flowers." I take her left hand and kiss the top of it. "Alice, you have outdone yourself."

Bella blushes as she smiles at me. "As always, you look like a prince or a model. How did I become so lucky?"

I laughed as I hugged her gently and kissed her forehead. I was merely wearing what I got asked to wear - a simple blue suit with a pink shirt and floral tie matching Carlie's Barbie theme. It's too much pink for my taste, but it's certainly not my wedding. She gave me the option of a pocket square, but I declined. I haven't worn a pocket square or an ascot since the early 70s, and I refuse. We all have our limits.

To my Bella, I said, "I am the lucky one. Every second waiting for you was worth it."

As Bella slowly pulls away, I see tears welling in her eyes.

Alice squealed, "No time for that! We have to make our way to the border. You need to leave now to get a good seat!"

"Let's go. I have Matron Of Honor duties," Bella says with a smile.

And with that, I led her to my Volvo, parked near the front door. Everyone else intends to go on foot, leaving their vehicles behind. I grinned while watching my family dressed to the nines as they ran towards the La Push border.

As much as I wanted to speed, Jacob asked me to drive under the speed limit in La Push. Given the honor of the invitation, it's the least I can do.

As we near the border, I look at Bella and smile. "No matter what happens today, I am grateful for each moment we spent together.."

Bella smiles back, blushing. "I am grateful for you, my husband."

Looking away from Bella as we cross the border, a wave of calm passes over me. The sensation quickly fades as the car veered away from the border, somehow careening into the trees. Cradling Bella in my arms, I tried to shield her as the Volvo rolled. I could hear the screaming of my family over the sound of shattering glass, and the wolves howled as they came closer.

"God, keep us safe," Bella prayed aloud as she clung to me while I silently pleaded the same request.

The car stopped moving, and I held my breath, waiting for the dust to settle, the engine to go still, and the voices to come closer. Instead, I heard naught but silence.

Slowly, once I was sure that the car would be still, I released my wife from my cocooning embrace. Listening to the surrounding sounds, I hear absolutely nothing. No voices or tree limbs blowing in the wind. No animals or bugs. Not even the thoughts of my nearby family. Where were they?

I have never known this kind of silence. Something is disturbing about that to me.

I have never experienced complete and utter silence in my century-long existence. Even rooms built to drown out the noise have a noise to them. Sometimes, the white noise of everyday life is worse than dealing with whatever else is out there. Incessant. Monotonous. I'd rather listen to Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley talk about their fantasies of us than continue in this dreadful, absolute silence - and that's saying something.

Carefully, I force the driver's door open and climb from the wreckage. I am shocked when I see a world unlike I have ever seen. Nothing here looks real.

The sunlight seemed artificial and, while bright, didn't give off heat. Instead, the ground feels too warm, like standing on heated flooring.

As I carefully help Bella climb from the car, everything about her seems different. Her curls have turned to waves, thicker and softer than usual. Her natural highlights were more defined. The dress she is wearing seems more fitted than it was before the accident. While it was attractive before, I can barely stop looking at it now as it clung to every curve. The blush pink has become a slightly darker shade.

It looks fantastic, but who am I kidding? Everything looks great on her. It's one of the many reasons I love her. To me, her beauty is beyond comparison.

Curious, I needed to look over myself for similar changes, and what I find is shocking. The blue suit had become a bright shade of pink, and the pink shirt became white. The tie was the same, yet somehow brighter.

How had this happened? What in Hell was going on? Vampires couldn't become knocked unconscious, and I was certainly not dreaming. It was maddening.

Sounding as shocked as I felt, Bella muttered, "Well…it appears we are not in Forks anymore. Or La Push. Any idea of where we are?"

Shaking my head, I kissed her forehead. "No idea, love. Stay here, and I will look around."

I went to leave the car, and Bella grabbed me. "I know you are trying to be protective, but if you even think you are leaving me here alone, you are out of your damn mind!"

Looking into her eyes, I see her anger over the very idea of it. And honestly, I have never seen her this angry. It's almost scary since my Bella does impulsive things when angry. Then again, I suppose I can't blame her after what happened the last time I left her alone in the woods - and we were nowhere in sight of her house this time.

Unsure what to do, I take a deep, unnecessary breath and sigh. "Stay behind me. No matter what."

Bella smirked as she stood on tiptoe to kiss my cheek. "Good husband. Love you."

I chuckled at her praise and kissed the tip of her nose. "Love you more. Are you okay to walk? Should I carry you?"

"I feel… surprisingly fine."

That worried me somewhat as I hoped she wasn't in shock, but her scent, demeanor, and steady heartbeat all suggested she was perfectly fine. I tucked my hand around hers to keep her safely with me and led the way.

Somehow, after a few steps, we emerged from the trees into a bright clearing, suddenly walking on the most unnaturally green lawn. The pale blue sky was nearly white yet devoid of clouds, and the sun still had no warmth. Looking around, I wondered how we got here and prayed we could go home.

To my left, I heard what could be a lawn sprinkler, and, thinking that was the best noise I have heard in ages, I led us towards it.

Then I see them - A row of Barbie houses, complete with Barbie cars in the impossibly flat stone and brick-printed driveways.

My brain has stopped computing from all the pink. It's everywhere.

A nervous laugh escaped Bella before she said, "Carlie would love it here."

"And Jacob would hate it but say nothing."

I looked back toward the houses as they came alive with noise. People seemed to wake up, although it was late in the day. As folks made their way outside, Bella and I arrived at the same shocking realization.

Life-sized, frighteningly human-like Barbies and Kens. Everywhere. All in beach attire.

Or so it seemed, at least. Each stared our way curiously before tuning us out as though we were a mirage. I looked up in alarm and realized that I was in direct sunlight. I dropped my gaze to my hands, turning them over to seek what should appear yet doesn't.

The direct sun should cause any exposed flesh to sparkle and shine, but this light seems incandescent, barely providing the slightest shimmer and a hint of color to my pale complexion. It makes me smile. I genuinely appear human - more so than I have in a hundred years.

I could only feel curious as one of the Ken's hollered about going to the beach, pulling our attention. Within seconds, everyone piled into their cars and headed in the same direction.

Curious, I asked Bella, "How about we follow them to the beach?"

Bella shakes her head, chuckling as she looks me up and down, disbelieving the absurdity of our situation as much as I do. "I would love to go anywhere with you!"

And with that, I put her on my back and followed the cars.

It didn't take much to catch up. The vehicles here are slower than hell, crawling at a pace reminiscent of a child pushing them along. I swear Bella aged ten years. Or five minutes. Time had little meaning here.

Once we reached the beach, Bella and I observed the others. Almost immediately, I can see that Barbie and her friends are having a great time as they dance together.

Bella was far more interested in joining the group of men. "The ladies are too happy. I am feeling a bit emo."

I missed something because Ken and his friends are all sulking amongst themselves.

Laughing at my wife's mild dramatics, I walk us closer to the pack of Kens. It's then I hear what they are singing. Bella and I missed the first part of the song, but we sure reached them in time for the chorus.

"Cause I'm just Ken. Anywhere else, I'd be a ten. Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blond fragility? I'm just Ken. Where I see love, she sees a friend. What will it take for her to see the man behind the tan and fight for me? I wanna know what it's like to love, to be the real thing…"

While I hate to admit it, I immediately recognize the song from the movie soundtrack.

Is it a crime? Am I not hot when I'm in my feelings?

And is my moment finally here, or am I dreaming?

I'm no dreamer

Can you feel the Kenergy?

Feels so real, my Kenergy

Can you feel the Kenergy?

Feels so real, my Kenergy

I'm just Ken. Anywhere else, I'd be a ten

Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blonde fragility?

I'm just Ken

Where I see love, she sees a friend

What will it take for her to see the man behind the tan and fight for me?

I'm just Ken (and I'm enough)

And I'm great at doing stuff

So, hey, check me out, yeah, I'm just Ken

My name's Ken (and so am I)

Put that manly hand in mine

So, hey, world, check me out, yeah, I'm just Ken

Baby, I'm just Ken (nobody else, nobody else)

I'm stunned by what is happening before us. How can these men sing this song? It is utterly ridiculous. Looking down at Bella, I can tell she is trying hard not to laugh. Lord knows I am. I am unsure how we managed it, but somehow, Bella and I finally got noticed among them.

One man asked, "Hey! Did we get a new Ken?"

Confused, the leading Ken said, "Barbie never told me a new Barbie and Ken were coming. It's been years since we had anyone new."

The group of Kens looks at us, then at each other, confused.

Another said, "I have never met a Ken with golden eyes or such an odd shade of hair. How did that happen?"

The leading Ken shouted, "Doesn't matter! This arrival is cause for celebration, Ken! Barbie will be excited about our new neighbors! Come on, Barbie! Come on, Ken!"

Quietly, Bella interrupts, "Ummm, wait… my name is not Barbie. His name is not Ken…"

Another asked, "Wait, your name is not Barbie or Ken?"

Looking at my Bella, she just shakes her head. Curious, they gather a little closer. Instinctively, I stand in front of Bella, guarding her.

Bella nudged me in the back and whispered, "Maybe you can come up with a way to explain?"

Wondering how to go about that, I think back to the lyrics of their song.

I'm just Ken.

Bella's touch calms me down as she places one hand around my forearm, anchoring us both.

As an idea formed, I began humming the tune to their song, recreating it as an ode to my love. While it might not be as good as any of the lullabies or arias I have written for her, I know she will understand.

Softly, I began, "Doesn't matter what I do, I'm happy being number two. I have feelings that I can't explain. Drivin' me insane. All my life. Been so polite, but I won't sleep alone tonight. 'Cos I'm just Ed. She thinks I'm alive, but I'm really dead. Is it my destiny to live a stream of teen instability? I'm just Ed. I see this girl, but not in her head. What will it take for her to see the man behind the teeth — so SPAR-KLE-LY."

Bella grinned at me affectionately as I turned toward her.

I never knew what love was.

Until she walked into my life

Like a hurricane - driving me insane.

But I would never trade her for the world.

She is my girl.

Even if I'm unworthy of her love, I'm thankful that she loves me.

Cause I'm just, Ed

She thinks I'm alive, but I'm really dead. Is it my destiny to live a stream of teen instability? I'm just Ed. I see this girl, but not in her head. What will it take for her to see the man behind the teeth — so SPAR-KLE-LY."

I'm just Ed, and I'm not enough.

Even if I am great at doing stuff

Please stop looking at me

My name is Edward, not Ken

Love, put your soft hand in mine.

Baby, thank you for being my Bella. My Love."

With the last note, the group of Kens were not just Kens. Barbies came into the fold and stared at me like a piece of meat. It was unsettling, and for the first time in our brief relationship, I wanted to have Bella protect me.

The main Barbie sighed. "Did any of you Kens even hear a word Edward said?"

The Kens looked around at each other, confused. There really must be nothing going on upstairs.

Bella steps around me and, after a squeeze, lets go of my hand. "From what I heard from your song, Ken, you think it is Barbie's job to do everything in your relationship…am I wrong?"

Main Ken looks shocked. "It is her job! We are in her world!"

"And maybe that is the problem. Where Edward and I come from, men and women have different roles. Depending on the individuals involved." She takes a deep breath and starts again. "In my relationship with Edward, he is my protector and provider. Mainly because I trip over flat sidewalks and am a danger magnet."

I couldn't help but laugh. "It's true. Had my Father not been a doctor, I swear Bella would live in the hospital. Thankfully, he fixes her injuries at the house more often than should be legal."

Ruefully, Bella said, "Edward also gives me strength in ways I never thought possible. His love for me makes me feel like I can move mountains. I can accomplish anything I put my mind to." She chuckled. "Other than time travel, anyway. Technology is not there yet."

I laughed, but the Barbies all had tears in their eyes.

"If Bella wanted time travel, I would do whatever I could to make it happen."

The Kens looked at each other like I said something stupid, and I scoffed at them. "I help Bella with household chores, cooking, and cleaning. I fix what needs mending unless she asks to learn. Then the two of us work through whatever she wants to learn, step-by-step." I laughed, recalling many times I showed her how to fix things in her house.

Teasingly, I added, "Always with backup. One of my brothers and Dad nearby in case my danger magnet strikes."

Bella gently slaps my arm, and I laugh.

"There was a time in the place we came from where it was a man's job to provide for his wife and family. There was a time when it was the woman's job to do all the household chores, such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Things have changed, and now, chores are more equally shared. That is how it should have been all along."

I turned back to glance through the equally divided groups before us. The Barbies were tired of being used and wanted more than a life where they were supposed to do everything while their partners stayed home and did nothing.

And the Kens, sitting idly by, utterly useless, refused to work, to take part. They were mere decorations in their Barbie's lives, expecting love and praise while providing nothing. They refused to see that there was anything wrong with their actions.

Bella asked, "Barbie if you could see what our world is like, would you want to?"

Shocked gasps poured from both groups. The main Barbie walks up to us and, without missing a beat, looks back at her Ken with a sad smile. "I want to see a world where I could have a more equal partner. A good man who would treat me with the respect that you have, Bella. Maybe some time away will do my heart good."

This declaration made me realize I wasn't sure if Bella and I could go back.

Most Barbies nodded in agreement with their leader and wanted to leave. Some of the Ken's wanted to come along, too.

Firmly, the leading Ken said, "The world you come from can't be that different!"

Oh, how I will laugh when they see men working beside their partners rather than watching the women work circles around them.

A mere moment later, those who wanted to leave banded together. Those who were staying insisted upon keeping everything functional. I prayed the Kens would help and not leave everything to the Barbies who remained behind.

Bella and I walked back to the garish row of dream houses so they could pack. The departing Kens assumed their Barbies would do all the work. Instead, they refused. Clueless about what to do for themselves, none of the Kens had anything but their beach attire. They ignored both mine and Bella's gentle reminders of the cooler weather in our world.

Once the Barbies were ready, we all headed to my mangled Volvo. The Kens complained about the long walk and how the sandals they wore were unsuitable.

Shocking.

I was thankful when we got back to the Volvo and spotted the outlines of my family members with Carlie through what appeared to be a portal of sorts, shrouded in a milky haze. As we came closer, I could make out Alice's knowing smile.

"Our family is straight through there. If any of you want to turn around, you are more than welcome to," I directed, but nobody moved.

Bella sighed. "Let's go to Carlie and Jake's wedding, Edward."

And with that, we walked back to the treaty line. As suddenly as we'd entered this seemingly magical world, we left it. The noise of real life burst around me, along with the culmination of my loved one's thoughts. I was never so happy to hear them.

I put Bella on her feet, and she greeted her friend.

Alice teased, "Took you long enough, brother. You and your bride nearly missed the wedding."

One by one, the braver Barbies and Kens stepped into our world. We carefully explained all that happened to our family, introducing them to the small crowd of bewildered men and women who appeared far more human in our world while maintaining the shining, automatic smiles one would expect on their beloved Barbies and Kens.

Carlie was so ecstatic as the main Barbie gushed over her pink-rose-covered gown. It was a stunning dress despite the color, alongside her matching bouquet.

Alice took the ladies with us and brought them to a small trailer on the side of the road, leading me to understand she'd seen this coming. She giggled as I shot eye-daggers her way. A little warning would have been nice.

Each of the Barbies got changed into more wedding-appropriate clothing. The Kens continued wearing their scant beach attire so their ladies could 'see what they were missing.' I still couldn't hear their thoughts, though the Barbie's minds were loud enough.

Bella and Carlie laughed at the Kens' stubbornness, and Carlie called another wolf to greet them. When Embry Call took one look at the main Barbie, I knew that his world would never be the same. Based on Barbie's stunned expression, I think she feels what Embry feels, too.

Looking at my love, I smiled. Perhaps Barbie and Embry were another improbable yet perfect match, like my Bella and me. "Seems like we will attend another wedding soon, my love."

Bella giggled. "I guess La Push has something to thank the Cullen family for."

"To thank you for," I corrected. Bella had led Carlie to Jacob. Bella had invited the others here, too. Still, I felt honored to get included. I am thankful for the wolves in La Push. They kept my Bella safe when I couldn't. No matter what, every wolf will hold a special place in my heart.

And, as for the Kens and Barbies - Who knows what will happen to them? Sometimes, life makes you grow faster than you want to. It would be interesting to see who some of them became. I wondered if any of them knew what it felt like to speed.

For now, we had a wedding to attend.

…The End…