Author's Note: Never thought I'd post for RWBY again.
I wrote this a while back, before tapering off of fanfiction in general. Recently came back to it for some final revisions and now it's here.
I didn't read Before the Dawn, so Sage and Scarlet's personalities are probably wrong.
Okay pals, are you ready for the best campout-slash-paranormal-mystery-hunting-contest you've ever heard? It happened two weeks ago, with me, Sun, and the boys. We were in the house Neptune's dad was letting us use, and man, were we bored. We'd been out of things to do for days. Except that at this moment we were getting annoyed, because Scarlet was running around the house with one of those rubber chickens that you squeeze to make noise come out of the mouth. He kept squeezing it at us, at the air, at everything. He opened the cabinets and let the chicken look inside. They held conversations the likes of which we don't even know. Sometimes he would pump the chest fast to make it sound like the chicken was talking, then pressed it once, hard, and let it squeak lethargically as it slowly expanded.
Sage was sitting at the living room table, and Scarlet held the chicken below his chin and squeezed, the beak below Sage's cheek. Sage didn't move, and then he suddenly grabbed the chicken mid-squeak and tossed it out the window. "No!" Scarlet said.
Rubber Chicken Boy flew outside and collided with some pine trees. That's when it came to me. "Hey boys," I said. "How about we beat this cabin fever with more cabin fever? Let's go camping!"
You could hear the crickets. Neptune raised his arm from the couch. "Um, I'm pretty sure cabin fever would still be a bad thing, since we'd be cramped in one in the woods. Besides, you know campouts give me the itches."
Because of mosquitoes. Like there's no way you can stop mosquitoes. See what they put me through? I finally got them packing by saying if they didn't want to go camping, they'd be woken up at night with pranks. "Come on, it'll be reflex training!" I said as they tossed their backpacks and duffel bags over mine. Sage closed the trunk and we steered out of town for Pyres Peak. Big, green mountain range thick with forest, canyons, and rivers. There were some settlers who'd built homes around the area. We'd be staying in Sage's uncle's cabin, which was next to its own campground. We were halfway through the neighborhoods when we started seeing posters nailed to telephone poles and trees. Sage idled on the roadside while I leaned over to read one.
"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me."
"CRYPTID PHOTOGRAPHY COMPETITION!" Scarlet said. He ripped off the poster and brought it back.
"Whoa," said Neptune, while Sage pored over from the driver's seat.
The photo below the title showed the two guys who set it up. One had wild hair that looked like a UFO was trying to abduct him—if UFOs existed. He was wearing an old coat and a striped scarf that marked him a true believer. The other guy's crisp three-piece made him look like the first one's lawyer. A big, long check for ten thousand lien was in their hands.
"'Eric Skylark and Wilt Nebula challenge you to capture a cryptid on visual evidence,'" Scarlet read. "'The winner will be chosen to give a speech at the Congruence Center on Friday, June 25, and receive their check for ten thousand lien! Any mysterious or unclassified creature is eligible for the hunt, including aliens.'" (Called it.)
"'The deadline for entries is June 18. Submit your evidence with your email address and Scroll number to the marked box in the Congruence Center or the email listed below. The winner will be announced on our website with their evidence posted on 8 p.m., June 25. Will you win the hunt? Join the search for the unknown!'"
We all looked at each other. "Let's do it!" said Scarlet. "We could be on TV!"
"Yeah, for the best hoax ever." I leaned forward in my seat. "Let's fake a Bigfoot in Pyres Peak. People are crazy for Sasquatch."
"So they'll be extra-scrutinizing!" said Scarlet. "We need something not everyone has heard of. How about Goatman? Tall, scary, and inhuman…because he's a goat!"
"Okay, so long as it's something that won't cost my two thousand five hundred to make," I said as Sage turned off the car because of how long we were taking.
"It's basically a goat and a human, with horrible claws and probably blood-red eyes," said Scarlet. "Needs to be scraggly, since he probably doesn't spend much time on grooming."
"And dead animals everywhere! My crafts leftovers are finally making a comeback!" piped Neptune.
So we left on that note back to the house, where Neptune did not pick up dead animals. The weirdo had a bunch of puppets and things from an old crafts club. He picked up stuffed possum and raccoon to toss in the trunk. Sage had a pair of green monster hands from Halloween, which we glued fake fur on. Here was the tricky part—figuring out how to put a coat around a pitchfork without making it look stiff. There was tape to attach some sawed-off broom handles and coat hangers to make joints, along with coat handles to twist. Good thing we had so much fake fur. Where did we even get that?
We brought a hand drill to put holes in the handles. Sage steered out toward Pyres Peak. The future was bright, pals. Four bros out to conquer the wilderness with a scam on the side. The city limits disappeared behind us, and open air hit as we reached the open road.
"Neptune, dude, are you getting broom shavings in my seat?"
"Relax, Sage, I'm gonna put them in a little baggie," said Neptune.
"Heh. Baggie," I said.
It didn't take long for the freeway to end. Roadside establishments were replaced by a dusty desert landscape, clearly showing the mountains ahead. We cranked up the music, topped each other's plans for the cash prize. Everything was going great until Scarlet had to throw a half-empty soda onto the street while leaning out the back window. It hit a muscular fat guy driving a red pickup truck. He glared at us from his open window, with spikes on his bracelets, and his furred black lapels.
"Oh, sorry!" Scarlet said.
We pulled ahead and cracked up until we heard a roar and saw the car revving up dust in the center of the road. He was trying to run us off!
Sage yanked left and we swerved into the dirt. Dust overtook the windows as the car crunched into dry earth and flying pebbles. In the mirror Sage's eyes got wide and he jerked to the right. We all lurched as the car jumped and then gradually rolled to a stop beside a single cactus shrub.
I got out and looked at it. "Really?"
The red truck was nowhere to be seen. Did I mention the dude had a leather jacket, too? Of course.
We'd been run about three-quarters of a mile from the road. Sage got out and started checking his tires. Neptune looked at the road and threw his head back at the distance. "Aw maaaaaaan."
"Goatman should get him," Scarlet muttered.
I looked ahead. Then I jumped on the car. "Good news, boys!" By perfect fate a gas station mini mart was down the road. Didn't the world want us to win that prize?
Sage's car was okay, but he didn't want to waste gas getting off the dirt. "Yeah, make us pay for the other guy," I said as we all pushed against the trunk. We got it on the road and Sage leaned back to wipe his forehead. Scarlet edged closer while he was distracted.
"What?"
Scarlet grabbed his keys. "Yoink!"
"Dude, no!"
Neptune and I jumped in the car howling and Scarlet hit the pedal. Sage chased us the half-mile down to a perfect park beside the gas pump.
Nep and I checked out the shack. Shingled roof, not quite splintering, with wood paneling making up the shack itself. Enough to make it out here. The owner's name was proclaimed on a painted sign nailed above the door: "RANDY'S LAST-STOP".
We walked in. The blurred windows cleared into a view of the place. Typical end-of-the-road shop, with basic necessities, postcards, and the occasional oddity. A taxidermy vampire bat furnished the space above the entrance, hopefully tied tight enough to not fall on my head. Neptune closed the door, leaving Sage and Scarlet to fight it out in the lot.
"Ahoy, fellow travelers!" Randy was big, chubby, had an ancient beard reaching halfway down his gut, and looked comfortable in the stuffy shop with his khakis and island shirt. Yeah. Nowhere Shop central.
He left the counter to show us his collection. Animals, taxidermy and fabricated, were mounted around the store. I jumped at the mouse between the canned food. Then again…
"Any of these for sale?"
We got a hollow taxidermy goat head, with a shaggy wig to boot. The money was as good as ours.
We started to leave. "Hey, uh, did you see a guy driving ahead of us like a psycho?" Neptune asked over his shoulder.
"Old Jandy? He's an asshole," said Randy. "And he's not my twin. He has property up in Pyres, but only so much of it. Don't let him bluff you, but I wouldn't go out of my way to rile him up."
"Thanks," I said. We opened the door.
"I can't trust you two, can I?"
We looked back, grinning. "Nope."
Sage was pointing the gas pump at Scarlet, who was on the ground. The door swung shut and they looked. Scarlet pumped the air. "We're rich men!"
After four slammed doors on we went, finally uninterrupted, into the wide wild expanse of Pyres Peak. It was great, pals. We parked outside Sage's uncle's cabin and set up.
We pitched the tent. We would keep the rest of our stuff in the cabin, but we wanted to be authentic! And it would probably be easy to trash a tent and make it look like the work of a Goatman.
I brought my bags into the cabin while those dweebs sorted out who was going to sleep where. We slacked around for a while, then decided to start things off with a hike. We made sure the fake was hidden inside the trunk, packed our bags, and off we struck. No alarm clocks, no homework, no bust roads. Just us, some canned beans and water, and whatever nature offered us. We climbed a trail that took us past a waterfall, and beside it, a narrow canyon that ran along the bottom of the drop. "Nope, catch you at the top!" Neptune said, running ahead of us.
We made it to the waterfall crest and sat down. "Uh, which one of you had the can opener?" asked Scarlet.
We all looked at each other. None of us did! I knew I had to take a stand. I got up and aimed my can at a boulder. "Check it out."
"No, it'll get everywhere, and then you'll go shoveling it with dirt like some kind of—like a savage. Sorry, dude," said Neptune.
My tail waved behind me. "No, it's okay. You're right."
So here was our problem: where were we going to get a can opener on Pyres Peak? I went ahead on the trail, past the thicket of trees, and—hallelujah! Remember when I said there were settlers in the mountains? There was a farmstead in the distance, on a big field over some plateaus. "I have saved us again, boys!" I said.
"Yeah, sure," said Sage as they got up.
We descended a long way down the other end of the trail. I hung back to look over the canyon again. It was mighty steep with a big drop down, and was smooth from years of erosion. There were cliff faces jutting out that formed a jagged path, which seemed like a good opportunity for photographs. "Come on!" Sage called, and I took my time catching up.
"Haven't you ever heard of enjoying the view?"
Our boots crossed a final step from wilderness to rugged pastoral. Grass fielded across the property, reaching past the waist, and beside the farmstead were a hardy van, a barn, a water wheel, a crop field, a chicken coop, and a corral loaded with grazing goats. We crossed the driveway, and a woman opened the door before we reached the front step. "Oh! Are you lost?"
"No, but we are hungry," said Scarlet.
Neptune smacked him. "Come on, man."
"We're out camping, but forgot to bring a can opener," said Sage. "All we have is canned beans. Do you have an opener we could borrow?"
She opened the door all the way. She was middle-aged, with puffy graying hair and a glint in her face that suggested she loved feeding stragglers in the woods. "Absolutely! Come on in and we'll get you set up. Al, we have visitors."
Al was about as stereotypical as a farmer could be: straw hat, overalls, cheeks red from work. He even came through the living room with a pitchfork. "Alfred, put that down!" The boys and I swapped smirks as Al leaned the pitchfork against the wall, using the handle to sweep the hay that had fallen off.
He tipped up the brim of his hat. He was beefy, but full of health. "And what brings you four here?"
"They're camping and forgot a can opener. Let's let 'em borrow ours."
"Well! You're lucky we're so generous. How about we start an early dinner? You boys can take some of the leftovers, seeing as yain't got half the foresight to take care of yourselves." He winked.
And that was how we lucked out. Al and Lorraine Cherryfield piled us high with a whole table of food. We had beets, green beans, cornbread, roast chicken, and goat stew. And of course, baked beans. "We don't get campers often," Al said.
When we were done, we sat back and let it rest. Lorraine was the first to lean forward. "Any fun plans for your trip?"
Well, yeah—shooting a paranormal phony. "Probably get some photos, hiking, fishing."
"Fun! I like setting up fishing lines in my spare time."
"Just watch for danger," Al warned.
"What, like bears? We can take care of ourselves."
"Not just bears." Al fell silent, beginning to brood. "There's a creature out here. Too lean, too intelligent to be a bear. It can be savage. Tears up the woods, leaving bite marks in dead prey, howling a wild and eerie howl. More than wolves and bears and anything else, that's why we bring the goats inside at night."
We sat in silence, the words sinking in. He looked at each of us, scanned his eyes around. "You boys be careful, okay?"
"Yes, sir."
Lorraine packed us leftovers in Tupperware and lent us the can opener. Like we were gonna need it now! We said our goodbyes and went back out on the trail. Once we got to the woods again we started machinating our sighting.
"The cliff rocks," said Sage.
"Definitely," I said.
"Trashing the tent!"
"Yeah!" we all said.
We made sure to cover our bases. It wouldn't take a team of rocket scientists to tell a coat hanging over a pitchfork if we didn't do it right. Especially if there was a Faunus on the team. They'd pick out a wrong detail in a photo we took at night. Scams are hard!
So everything was normal, and here's where it got weird. We were passing a cluster of undergrowth when we heard a rustle coming from the bushes. A girl around our age had her back turned to us, looking up at the trees. I recognized the green dress, the pink bow on the orange hair…
"Penny!"
My voice was more strained than I meant it to be. Penny was weird. She had this rigid way of saluting at everyone, and never seemed to be on the same level of awareness as everyone else. She heard me and turned. "Oh! Sun! And I take it your teammates, if there are three of you?"
"Yep, you got it," I said while the others were sizing her up.
"Well, it is an honor to meet you, Mr. Sun's teammates," Penny said, sticking her hand against her forehead. See? Saluting.
"Hi, I'm Neptune," said Neptune, obviously.
"Sage."
"Are you just out here alone?" Sage thumped Scarlet. "Ow! Right. I'm Scarlet."
"Oh, this is my first time in the woods alone," said Penny, breaking into a smile. "Father was nervous about leaving me without an escort, but in the end he trusted me. Just so long as I contact him every four hours. Which is currently next due in…" She put her fingers to her ear and stilled. "Forty-two minutes and thirteen seconds from now. I'm so happy to be here!"
"Does your dad ever sleep?" asked Scarlet. "For that matter, do you ever sleep?"
"Of course! I always need time to recharge…which is sleep."
Silence. "So," said Penny, and suddenly she was next to us just like that. "What are you doing out here, if I may ask? Enjoying the splendorous freedom of Pyres Peak like me?"
I was starting to wonder if we needed to call CPS. "Actually, we're on a mission," I said. I struck a pose and jabbed a thumb to my chest. "We're here to document a PARANORMAL SIGHTING."
Penny gasped, impressed. "A paranormal sighting? Like two normal things? Or do you mean ghosts and Sasquatch?"
"Almost the second one, Penny." I pointed intrepidly while the guys sighed and shook their heads. They give me no credit. "We're on the trail of…the Goatman."
"The Goatman?" said Penny again. She did the rigid thing again, turning into a trove of encyclopedic knowledge. "'A towering creature with the head of a goat and the body of a man. Habitat: Dense, woodsy areas. Known by locals as having a vicious disposition, insatiable thirst for meat, and the ability to blend into its surroundings. Smells funny.' Are you sure it's not a homeless man?"
"Positive." I crossed my arms. "We're gonna snap indisputable proof of his existence. It'll make us famous!"
"I didn't take you for one who desired fame, Sun." Penny leaned back. "Well, I'm going to explore the forty-one minutes and thirty-eight seconds of glorious nature time before calling Father again. I wish you luck on your quest to find the Goatman!"
She marched cheerfully into the trees. "Dude. She's something else," Sage said.
"Maybe she's the paranormal sighting," said Scarlet.
"And we have to do ours! Come on, let's head back to camp," I said.
We started off. Then, Penny zoomed back to us, pointing to the woods. "Guys! I found tracks!"
We followed her into the brush to investigate. A pair of oval imprints led from the left side of the path down into more undergrowth. We crept low to make out another girl in black clothing peeking through a tangle of bushes, red cape turned to us. That cape was a giveaway. It was Ruby Rose, a classmate, focusing a camera through a hole in the brush.
It was obvious she was trying to stay hidden. "Hey Ruby!" I called out. She jumped, feet springing in the air as a wild camera flash went off. A white deer bounded away from the other side of the undergrowth.
Ruby landed. "Gah! Sun! I was tracking that deer! It could have been paranormal or someth—OHMYGOD PENNY!"
She rushed over twice as fast as Penny did. "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Atlas right now."
"I'm free! Father's letting me traipse the Peak!"
Seriously, did I have to call CPS? "Well, this has been a cool reunion," I said luxuriously. Ruby and Penny were in the middle of an intricate handshake and ignored me. They finished with a flapping hand contact that looked like a slap fight, then Ruby looked at me. "Sorry, what? How'd you find me, anyway?"
"Penny followed your footprints." I pointed to the trail.
Penny was surprised. "Those are your footprints?" She checked the bottom of her own shoe. "Oh. I see. Humans are fascinating."
She giggled to herself. Ruby smiled really wide, then addressed me and the boys. "So, what are you doing out here? Great day for walking around in the Peak?"
"We're seeking out a paranormal beast," said Neptune. "And hey. Did you just say that deer could be paranormal?"
"Well, I mean, yeah." Ruby covered her camera behind her back, then stood straight and spoke dramatically. "With this tool I shall document a CREATURE OF THE UNKNOWN for the sake of my family, my friends!" She raised the camera up grandly, which came off a little weird since it was strapped around her neck. "I have joined a contest," she said, slyly bringing out a poster from her dress. "A contest contesting us to record evidence of a cryptid to reward the one with the most undeniable proof."
"Oh, that's cool. We're doing the same thing," said Neptune. Then, "What?!"
A rival! I stepped forward, staring her in the eye. "It looks like we're after the same thing." We paused. "You think you have what it takes to best us?"
The fire in her eyes could have sparked a wall of flame. "Yes I do, Sun. Yes I do."
We pulled away. "Thooough there could be benefit in us joining up and covering more ground." She put her palms together, rubbing them up and down.
I crossed my arms again, grinning. "No. This one's for me and the boys. You're on your own, Ruby."
"Ruby. Ruby, I'm your friend." Penny sidled around from behind us, raising her hand. "Does this mean I'm part of your quest for glory?"
"Yeah! Let's team up!"
"Hooray!" They repeated the handshake, faster this time. "What are we looking for? And how does it honor your people?"
"Uhh, that last part was hyperbole," Ruby said. She stooped to Penny conspiratorially. "I'm looking for a paranormal phenomenon, any paranormal phenomenon. But the big one is famous for tromping around here…the Goatman!"
"No way! That's ours!" said Neptune.
"We're gonna find him first," I said.
Ruby's mouth turned in a small smile. "Are you sure?"
"You better bet your ten-k we are!"
We stood off as Ruby put her hands on her hips, keeping her eye on us as she walked backwards. "Well, there's only one way to be sure. Have fun groveling to me when Skylark and Nebula pick my photo as the most indisputable proof of all."
We were already calculating our backup cryptid before Ruby and Penny disappeared into the forest. They'd know our pal was a fake. I mean, Goatman was fake entirely—but it didn't take much to see what a hoax Pitchfork and Scraggle Mask was. When they got far enough away, we all turned to each other. "You know what this means, right?" I said.
"SABOTAGE!"
It was dirty, but what else were we going to do? 10,000 lien! If we were going to get that prize we had to play it hard. Ruby's camera was a Polaroid. If we could get her to waste her film, she'd have to give up and chase the paranormal somewhere else. Right? Also, who has Polaroid anymore?
We got Scarlet rolled around in leaves and debris and fitted branches in his sleeves and behind his ears. Wild Things meets long skeletal horns. "There. Now you're a bona fide paranormal monster," I said.
"All right. But what sounds do paranormal deer make?"
We snuck up on Ruby and Penny down the trail. They were talking by a circle of rocks, their backs turned. We crouched behind some bushes and listened to what they had to say.
"So is this a 'for fun' thing, Ruby? Or is there some kind of prize awarded to the winning participants?"
"Oh, yeah! You get ten thousand lien for having the best proof of the paranormal! If we win, we'll split it."
"Ten thousand lien? That IS a great prize! I could buy so many boxes of macaroni with that! I'm keeping a collection."
"Okay, Penny."
We grinned at each other and counted down from three. Scarlet burst from the bushes, running around making an unidentified sound.
"OLOOLOOLOOOLOLOO!"
Penny gasped. Ruby literally said, "Gasp!" They whirled around, watching the mysterious blur run between the trees.
"Ruby! A cryptid! Document the evidence!"
Flashes filled the woods, each snap pulling out another piece of film. "GAAAAAH got it!" Ruby said. Scarlet snorted while winding around a collection of boulders, then took off into the woods.
"OLOOLOOLOOLOOOO…"
A weightless click came from the camera. "I ran out of film!"
"Don't worry, Ruby. I have more!" Penny said, making us freeze in the middle of our silent laughter. We heard a whir, a click, and the plink of a tiny cylinder rolling into the camera.
"Whoa! Cool!"
"Don't bother chasing it, Ruby," Penny said, and us three barely scraped the tops of our heads up peeking at them. "That was Scarlet. My mistake. I remembered what he looked and sounded like from a street fight."
"WHAT?" said Ruby.
"The photos are fake. My sensors indicate his teammates are right behind that bush."
"WHAT?" Ruby said again, but we were already tearing it to the cabin, backpacks slamming, Ruby's raging cry sending birds alight from the treetops.
"SABOTAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!"
We got back howling, and set up the cabin shower for Scarlet when he caught up. So maybe we didn't get Ruby off Pyres Peak—it was still funny, and even funnier that we got caught! Scarlet came back eventually, literally bushed. "You could have told me what sound they made." He wiped sweat-muddled dirt from his forehead, then went to the shower.
Night was crawling across the woods, sending the last rays of sun through the trees as it slipped behind the mountains. We tried one shot of Goatman creeping past bushes—"Way too fake, they'll know it's taxidermy," said Neptune—then had dinner and turned in. I had the cabin to myself. Hey—I helped with the tent so the others could have their authentic experience. I figured it was time for a bit of comfort.
In the middle of the night, I woke up to snuffling and snorting. Something was shuffling through the brush. It snapped branches and twigs, sniffing around. It didn't sound like a bear. It footsteps were short with a hard finish, like a clop instead of a lumbering. I figured it was a giant deer, or one of Sage's midnight munchies. I went to open the door, but as soon as my feet hit the floor the culprit split. It sounded huge as it thundered into the woods, and the cadence of its run was like it had two feet, not four. There were tracks scattered in the dirt, while debris from the brush was strewn around the site. My teammates slept through the whole thing. Can you believe it?
