Remnant's YAPPENING


Thousands upon thousands of Unggoy were in high spirits, cheering on their leader, Yapyap THE DESTROYER, before he gave a rousing speech. After successfully rebelling against the Banished and managing to lose more Grunts in battle than were taken to the Ark, somehow, Yapyap and his forces had finally found the fabled Golden Methane Hydrate Mines of Sabator. And sitting atop his Throne of Woe, which communicated with him, again, somehow, helped lead Yapyap and his forces to complete victory and total domination over the Ark. Those pesky humans in their stupid old ship and the stranded Banished forces led by that ship-less Shipmaster Sangheili Atriox put in charge after he left for the Milky Way were no match for Yapyap THE DESTROYER!

With the Ark in their possession and trillions of Grunts at the ready, Yapyap's rebellion was ready to take over the rest of the Galaxy. The UNSC and Banished were their biggest targets, with the Arbiter's forces posing a smaller threat. In due time, they would fall, but Yapyap wanted to send a message to the Galaxy. He needed an easy target to flex his tactical 'superiority' and forces to do that. And that planet just happened to be an insignificant and isolated planet called 'Remnant', or whatever those humans called it. Yapyap didn't care what those natives had to say.

Yapyap's flagship was a Sh'wada-pattern supercarrier, which, yet again, SOMEHOW, he acquired easily. How did they get it? Well, you would find the real answer just as ridiculous as you might think. But with this newly acquired vessel, hundreds of thousands of warriors ready for battle onboard, and millions of others in his fleet, Yapyap was prepared to begin his Galactic conquest.

Yapyap THE DESTROYER now stood over his lowly rabble, ordering them to silence. He then began his speech. "My brothers! For far too long have we Unggoy served as slaves to foreign overlords! Today is the day we show the Galaxy we are a true force to fear! Starting with this isolated planet!"

He heard his brethren cheer massively at him. Each new voice only furthered his ego even more. These Cannon Fodder would soon see battle shortly.

"Our time is now!" One of the Grunts cheered.

"¡Viva la Balaho!" Another cried out.

"WHY IS EVERYONE SHOUTING?!" One of the Grunts was confused by all the noise.

"Who cares!" His friend replied.

Yapyap then silenced the hangar. "Our first target is the strongest nation on this planet the natives call 'Remnant'. Ha! What an ironic name for a world of their demise! Of course, some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Let's get 'em, boys!"

He heard all the Grunts cheer again, this time louder than before in unison.


Atlas Academy, Ironwood's Office

Ironwood was having a good day with the arrival of Teams RWBY and JNR, alongside Qrow to Atlas. He was pleased that his friend and the former students of Beacon were now here, Atlas needed everybody it could get in the fight against Salem. The General was currently looking over battle plans for the defense of Atlas at the holographic projection table in the center of his office. It was rather quiet being by himself, Winter and Penny were currently with the others showing them around Atlas Academy.

Then an emergency communication came through and answered, it was an officer on the other end panicking. "General! We have a problem!"

"Easy, Major. What is it?" Ironwood asked with a calm demeanor.

"Atlas is being invaded! And it's not the Grimm!"

A chill went down his spine. He then heard multiple explosions outside and looked toward his office windows. A massive barrage of red plasma fire rained down onto the Atlesian fleet, completely wiping out every single ship in the air. The shield generators were targeted and destroyed next after the fleet's remains fell towards the city, causing massive chaos amongst the civilians dodging debris.

Ironwood struck in shock and horror seeing the entire fleet of Atlesian airships just… gone. The table behind him became flooded with communications as everyone in the military scrambled to their battle stations. He snapped out of his shock with help from his semblance and went to issue out orders. Atlas would not fall. It couldn't.

"All units! To your battle stations NOW!" Ironwood commanded.

Just outside his office, some buildings collapsed from the airship debris, killing many civilians. The populace started evacuating to underground shelters as the skies then lit up with air combat. And just outside the city's walls, the entire Atlas Military was ready to defend their homes. Trenches were dug, mortars and artillery were placed, snipers readied their long-range weapons, mechs readied their systems, and just about everything else you could imagine was ready for what enemies came. Every soldier waited with bated breath, fingers on their triggers.

Just across the horizon, Yapyap's forces landed and assembled for battle as several bases were being built.

"I have a Citadel. And my brother said I'd never amount to anything. Ha!" Yapyap gloated over the battlenet as one of the bases was built and upgraded.

The outposts then started deploying troops from Yapyap's fleet, with hundreds of Grunts pouring out.

"Wait, this isn't Balaho! What happened?" One of the Cannon Fodder Grunts asked, not knowing where he was after exiting one of the Citadels.

Another squad of Cannon Fodder exited behind them. "Grunts ready to clog up their death machines with our lifeless bodies!"

"Hmmm…" One of his squadmates thought to himself as he inspected everyone. "They seem to have forgotten to give us our guns…"

"Local units!" Yapyap announced over the battlenet.

"What? Us?" One of the Cannon Fodders asked.

All at once, the masses of Grunts felt an invisible, omnipresent inspecting them and selected everyone at once. They received orders to move out and head straight toward the Atlas Military. Everyone obeyed and proceeded to run towards the enemy.

"We hear, we move!" One of the many Unggoy complied with orders.

"Ready to hurtle to our untimely death!" A Grunt yelled with excitement.

"Wish I passed my Locust driving test!" Another regretted his past decision.

"Give me a piggyback so we can go twice as fast!" A brother of theirs didn't try lying to them.

"Look I'm waking like a Brute! Raaawr!" An Unggoy to the side yelled ferociously, or at least the best a Grunt could do.

"Walk here, walk there, ugh… So much walk!" They heard someone whining.

Back to the Atlas Military, there was tension in the air. They waited until they heard a loud noise coming over the horizon. In the distance, a horde of aliens ran towards them. Tens of thousands of Cannon Fodder ran towards them, all while screaming war cries.

The scene terrified the defenders until they unloaded everything they had on the hordes of unarmed Grunts. It was just like that famous battle on Earth six centuries ago. Uhhh… What was it formerly called again? Stalliongrad? Or something like that? Meh, who cares?

Hundreds of Grunts dropped like flies each second they were under fire. Each of them charged towards their untimely demise without any sign of fear or retreat. Yapyap's whole strategy was numerical superiority. If you throw enough bodies at the enemy's bullets, eventually they would run out of ammo. Probably.

"Shoot back! Oh, wait! We can't!" One of the Grunts realized the situation they were in before he was sniped.

"Those guys MAY want to kill us!" His brother examined them as they ran forward.

"Why does everyone have guns except us?!" A friend of his cried out before being destroyed by artillery.

The next squad leader then yelled, "Pointless death, I embrace thee!"

Over half an hour later, the battlefields across the city's outer walls were littered with millions of Unggoy bodies. This made Yapyap lose more Grunts than what he brought with him on his supercarrier. Again, don't ask how that happened.

The defenders barely took any casualties, but were severely lacking ammo. Everyone thought it was over, seeing how many corpses lay before them. Even the Huntsmen fighting alongside them believed the attack was done, but they were wrong.

Another wave of Grunts came, this time it wasn't shitty cannon fodder. Heavy Grunts, Grunt Goblins and Riders, Methane Wagons, and Locusts swarmed all of the defenders. They opened fire on the city's defenders, unleashing a barrage of plasma and needler rounds. Turns out plasma was very effective at melting through enemy troops, both metaphorically and literally.

Back in Ironwood's office, he and Winter were forming a new strategy on how to deal with the new threat. They seemed to only throw more and more bodies at them, wasting their manpower completely. He knew these aliens were holding their vanguard forces for last, having the regular troops soak up the enemy fire while they swept in to finish the Atlas Military off.

The two of them were in the middle of their discussion until a new transmission came through. Ironwood answered and would find out who it was calling him. An image appeared, showing him a stubby short alien wearing a crown on his head. This must've been the enemy's leader.

"Ah, General Ironwood isn't it?" Yapyap asked. "What an ironic name for such a big man without much to show for it. Ha!"

The General's stoic face did not flinch at this alien's snarky little insult. "I don't know who you are, but Atlas will not hesitate to defend her people. Even in the face of overwhelming odds."

"In case you're wondering: I am Yapyap THE DESTROYER! And I shall be the reckoning of your puny civilization!" Yapyap proudly proclaimed. "Oh hey, wanna see a magic trick? Look at the frontlines!"

Ironwood and Winter saw the image change to a video. It was a bird's-eye view of the battlefield. The video showed entrenched Atlas troops facing off against a group of Heavy Grunts and Grunt Goblins. A barrage of missiles was headed their way and about to strike, but not until a structure dropped down from the atmosphere and sprung up a giant red dome. Each missile exploded upon making contact, failing to strike their targets protected by the Gruntdome's giant shield.

Yapyap said, "This Shield Tower is almost big enough to cover the posterior of your mom and second-in-command's bosom. SNAP!"

Both Ironwood and Winter were bewildered by such a perplexing insult. The General's eye twitched a little bit upon hearing that, he did not like what Yapyap said about his mother. Ironwood looked at Winter, and saw her disgruntled face upon him saying that about her, uh… 'assets'. They were just appeasing Yapyap who was trying to get a reaction out of them.

Outside back on the battlefield, Yapyap was beginning to unleash his giant arsenal. Shade turrets were dropped from the sky next to the advancing troops, providing a distraction and covering fire. Right after them, Dextro Xur-pattern Spirit drop ships deployed even more Grunt Heavies and Riders alongside Methane Wagons into the battlefield. Behind the Atlesian defense, multiple mines were shot down from the sky and exploded. Veteran Cannon Fodder popped out with them with a birthday party cheering sound effect accompanied by confetti. You could say it was quite the Surprise Party.

"Surprise! Happy birthday!" One of the Grunts shouted. "I mean- Die bad guys!"

Meanwhile, just outside the city, a giant horde of flying Grimm with a floating whale-like creature sped towards Atlas. Yapyap of course saw this and wasn't afraid of them. He ordered his supercarrier to rain down fire on them, and his brothers complied. The sky was lit up with plasma as it bombarded the Grimm, especially the whale creature, nobody could survive the barrage from a supercarrier with all its weapons.

Back to Atlas, the defenders launched a coordinated counteroffensive. They were dealing a large amount of casualties to the Unggoy, taking out large hordes of them and a few Grunt Goblins. They started to push back, but not until some kind of mystical power forced everyone to stop firing at each other. Everyone from Atlas, especially Ironwood and Winter, was confused about what was happening.

"Please Don't Shoot Me! Stop picking on us, ya big bullies!" Yapyap yelled at everyone listening, which only made the defenders even more perplexed at how he managed to access their communications.

More than 20 seconds passed and each side was ready to re-engage. A countdown began, and as soon as it expired everybody raised their weapons after reorganizing and firing. The Atlesian counterattack was encircled in a massive pocket and destroyed, with some kind of Special Ops Huntsmen team leading them. All five were evaporated by plasma fire, leaving nothing behind but their footsteps.

"We've taken out the enemy hero?" Yapyap was both surprised and speechless for a brief second before snapping back. "I- I mean- OF COURSE WE HAVE!"

"Can't believe they let me drive this thing!" One of the Grunts piloting one of the Goblin mechs laughed to himself before jumping towards a trench where a lone enemy soldier towered over him menacingly. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! Is that a freaking new HALO GAME?!"

"W- What?" The young soldier was confused by what he meant, looking in the direction he pointed.

"Ha! Made you look!" The Grunt then fired his mech's giant Needler into his chest, exploding the soldier to pieces.

Inside his office, Ironwood devised a new strategy with Winter as the Grunts began overwhelming the city's defenses. Several Methane Party bombs dropped from the sky, weakening the Atlesian troops while buffing the Grunts. The Grunts destroyed the last line of defenders at the city walls, and their riders were now punching their way through with their Brutes, who of course hated the entire ordeal and would rather kill themselves than be a riding animal for the Unggoy.

At that moment, Team RWBY entered Ironwood's office, which relieved the General relief.

"Thank you all for coming here," Ironwood thanked them. "Me and Winter have a new strategy on how to deal with the alien threat."

"What does it involve, James?" Qrow asked.

"We have a large bomb that can destroy a good chunk of their forces," He explained while showing an image of said weapon. "Although I do hate destroying s large portion of the city, it's the only chance we have until-"

The General was cut off as his holographic table's communications were hacked, with an image of Yapyap THE DESTROYER appearing once again.

"General Ironwood, I have come to bargain," Yapyap announced. "Surrender now, and I'll spare your pathetic city. Resist, and you will be wiped off from the face of your planet!"

Ironwood remained calm, unmoved by this little gas goblin. "We are not beaten, you haven't won yet."

"I think you gravely underestimate the situation you're in," Yapyap begged to differ. "Your army is gone! What else do you have besides some teenagers with fancy powers to help you against me and my brothers?"

"You've already taken millions of casualties." Ironwood countered.

"Oh please, I'm only using one percent of my power! A million deaths is just a statistic!" Yapyap exclaimed. "Anyway, this is an ultimatum! You have one minute to decide your civilization's fate."

Everyone was silent, not knowing what to do. Winter walked next to the General and whispered something in his ear. Ruby then bravely walked towards the table, and spoke to Yapyap, "We may not have the numbers, but we will stop you. Remnant is not lost until-"

"Shut up, you immature, whiny teenage brat!" Yapyap cut her off, then went full savage mode on Team RWBY. "That's why yo mama DEAD!"

An audible bass boom could be heard over the call. "Dead as Hell!"

Another bass boom went off, and Ruby didn't know how to respond, the memories started to flood her mind.

"My… mother?" She asked weakly. "H-How do you know?"

"EVERYONE knows about what happened to your mother!" Yapyap explained to her. "You think people with too much time on their hands online wouldn't search up what happened to her?"

Yang went to comfort her half-sister and the Grunt started yapping about her. "Not like your blonde bimbo sister could've helped your father who didn't do anything to save her or anything. So occupied with her treating her precious hair!"

He then turned his attention towards the other two members of her team after Yang growled at his insults. "Your other friend here in white has such bad taste in men, guess that's what happens when you have daddy issues at such a young age. Such fatherless behavior, ha!"

"Hey!" Weiss snapped at his comment.

"And you, the black lady!" Yapyap started addressing Blake. "Not that your skin is black, mind you, but rather the garments of your outfit and hair. And besides, I'm not a racist, I wouldn't want to be canceled online! I hate all other species who are not Unggoy equally!"

"But as I was saying: That monke boy called Sun is much worth your time and a better romantic partner than being forced into a relationship with somebody you barely have any chemistry with on your team. This isn't some shitty romance fanfic just to appease some stupid, retarded shippers online, and I may also be breaking the Fourth Wall here now, I'm not gonna lie. BUT ANYWAYS!" Yapyap finished ranting before he went back into action.

The Grunt demanded an answer from Ironwood after he finished being Based. "Have you made a decision, General?"

Ironwood sighed, he had to put the safety of Atlas and her people over his ambitions. "I have. We will surren-

"BEEEEEEP! Time's up!" Yapyap cut him off. "I'll take that as a 'no' then! Boys, FIRE THE GLASSING BEAM!"

Outside in the sky of Atlas, Yapyap parked his supercarrier above the city. The crew readied the ship's massive glassing beam, and Yapyap started laughing maniacally to himself. He laughed louder and louder as the beam was ready to fire, and gave the order. But just then, he heard his name being called and everything faded.


Present Day

"Huh? What?" Yapyap, an Unggoy soldier of the Banished asked as he was rudely awakened by his brothers.

"Wake up, Yapyap!" One of them yelled in front of his face. "We have intruders in the Forerunner facility here!"

"It's not the natives of this world! A group of ODSTs and a single Spartan!" The next one told him.

"Come on, get up before our squad leader gets back!" Another warned before they left.

Yapyap jumped up to catch them, but he hit his head on one of the Banished weapons crates next to him.

"Ugh… I hit my head," He said to himself, barely being able to stand on his two stubby feet. "I can still thunk real good…"

Across from Yapyap where his three other Unggoy brothers readied for battle as their Elite squad leader approached them.

"Are you ready, Grunts?" He asked the three of them, all clad in Banished red armor like he and everyone else were.

"Yes, sir!" One of them raised a fist in the air.

"Come along," he drew both his Kewu R'shi'k-pattern plasma rifles and ran with the Grunts, "we cannot wait for stragglers!"

The four of them ran out as soon as Yapyap recovered from hitting his head, and he yelled at them. "Hey guys! Wait up!"

Yapyap grabbed his plasma pistol before running to the rest of his squad. Ahead of him, he could hear plasma fire and multiple small explosions. He heard Brutes and a few Elites giving out orders before their voices were silenced. The Grunt then turned the corner and heard two of his squadmates yell.

"Everybody! RUN AWAY AND RETREAT!"

"NO! Retreat forward!"

He turned another corner and saw both his brothers disintegrate in front of him. They were hit by a hardlight coil thrown at them. In front of Yapyap from a distance away, stood the murderer of his brethren. A Spartan.

Yapyap went into a fit of rage and fired his plasma pistol at the lone Spartan. The Grunt proceeded to yell human racial slurs at the supersoldier while charging forward, but his opponent didn't hear a single thing he said. Instead, from the Spartan-III's point of view, he heard the Grunt say something else entirely.

"It ain't FAIR! YOU'RE CHEATIN'!" The Spartan heard him yell as his shields took two more plasma bolts. "You and your stupid plot armor the author wrote for this shitty story!"

He had no idea what the Grunt was even talking about and just stood in front of the Grunt menacingly with no weapons in his hands.

"You're nothing but a-" Yapyap was violently grabbed by the throat and hoisted up.

His eyes stared into the Spartan-III's golden Mark VII visor, seeing his reflection while struggling to break free. The supersoldier's grip was too tight, and he could barely breathe out of his methane mask. He then saw the Spartan grab his mask, and ruthlessly rip it off his face before being thrown down to his feet. Yapyap started to choke on the oxygen in the air, he needed methane to breathe and survive.

Yapyap saw the Spartan drop his mask on the ground in front of him. But before he could desperately grab it, the Spartan smashed his foot on it, sending sparks flying. This was it, Yapyap was screwed as he continued slowly choking on the room's oxygen, before succumbing to a slow and painful death. The last thing his eyes saw was the Spartan's service number inscribed on the left side of his breastplate: 'G090'.

"Pathetic," The Gamma Spartan said as he kicked the now-dead Yapyap's corpse out of his way.


A/N: Happy April Fools' Day, ya freakin' idiots!

Yeah, not much to say here since this is a stupid crack fic I wrote for shits and giggles. I did it because: "Why not?" If nobody else is going to do Yapyap justice, then I will as a Halo Wars 2 connoisseur myself, lol.

Also, the fact that Yapyap THE DESTROYER is not a character tag on this site is a crime against humanity. The Halo X RWBY crossover community has fallen. BILLIONS of Grunts must DIE now!

Okay, but aside from that, hope you enjoyed this shitpost of a story. 95% of the other units and most of Yapyap's dialogue are directly from Halo Wars 2 in-game, I cannot go a single match without laughing my ass off when playing as him lol. And yeah, the ending scene is more or less a small sneak peek at the crossover I'll be uploading in due time. Waiting for the artist I've commissioned to get back to me.

Also, all my homies hate Bumblebee. Completely overrated and stupid. Don't care if I get hate reviews lol, this is supposed to be a crack fic.

But yeah, have fun laughing at this stupid thing I wrote.