Chapter 6
Dinner at home had been after all a wonderful idea.
The conversation went on and there were other topics to cover besides Mulder's book project, such as a new scientific discovery, apparitions in the forest in the north of Montana, music, old movies and some recent ones, Skinner and friends from the past. There was an infinity of subjects they could talk about for hours to count, as they were soulmates as Father McCue had so expertly classified. And that meant that debating with each other was always a pleasure, even if they disagreed about some of these topics.
Added to this, dinner was lovely – Mulder had picked her favourite dish, their favourite complements, and a desert she would yet to taste. Such special attention certainly wasn't because he'd been offered a proposal on the book he'd written. Scully wondered if he had planned that candle light dinner expecting a romantic night, just like she had thought about earlier.
Reflecting about it, she narrowed her eyes as she watched him rise to his feet to fetch the desert, which was kept in the fridge.
"No..." Scully thought a second later. They had been intimate for the last time almost a month before Grace was born and their abstinence was directly related to Scully's recovery from giving birth and her physical condition in general. Mulder would never push her into something of that matter. Instead, he would wait until she let him know that she was ready and wanted it.
It had always been like that: she would give him a hint, either with actions, words or even a look or a thought, that she was open to take the next step. Only then would he take the opportunity to reverently show her how much he loved her. That was her Mulder. One of the many reasons why she loved him so much.
She was smiling and looking at him with tenderness as he came back to the table holding a chocolate pie and a pot of ice cream.
"Ah, Mulder!" She exclaimed, her eyes beaming as he cut a rich piece of pie and placed it in her dish, and then added a ball of ice cream on the top of it.
"Hope you enjoy it!"
"Come here!" She stretched both arms and, as he bent down, she grabbed his face and kissed his lips with a sounding kiss.
"And the waiters at Alfredo's missed this tip!" He spoke against her lips, his smile and hers mingled as another kiss went on.
"Well, such an impeccable service deserves recognition."
Laughing, he took a seat in front of her and put some cake and ice cream for him as well.
"It was the last pie," he said, "apparently everybody had the same idea I had!"
"I really appreciate it, Mulder. Everything was perfect." She took his hand again and now the expression on her face softened. "Only you could come up with a way to bring what would be a dinner out right to our home. Being with a small child would stop any couple to go out for it, but with you things are never impossible."
Mulder's smile faded a little and he entangled his fingers with hers. "I just wanted to do something nice. We've been in doors for four months now and even though it's for the best of reasons, I wanted you to enjoy some relaxing time."
"Thank you."
Mulder took a deep breath, his eyes lingering on her smile. Summoning all his courage, he briefly remembered their first kiss, when he took the opportunity he'd been waiting for for such a long time.
"Scully, I was-"
The sound of a baby's crying coming from the monitor interrupted him and the rhythm of that conversation.
"I'll go." Scully said, rising to her feet.
Sighing deep, he watched as she climbed up the stairs and disappeared in the corridor a second later.
Mulder also stood up and stood by the table, hearing Scully's voice through the monitor speaking softly to Grace.
He paced along the living room, wondering if that was the right moment to voice what was on his mind. Wondering if she would accept his proposal.
The air became suddenly thick and he felt he needed to go outside to take deep breaths. Taking his coat from the hanger and putting it on, he opened the front door and stepped out. Standing in the porch, the cold night air filled his lungs and the silence allowed him to hear his own thoughts louder and clearer.
Mulder remembered the many nights he'd spent there, first when he was still a fugitive and had to hide in that secluded part of the Earth, spending much of his time in doors. When Scully was asleep, he would leave their bedroom and walk outside, trying to soothe his spirit. Then, he remembered standing there on the days after she left him, emptiness and self-pity consuming his soul as if his life had lost its meaning. That was the darkest moment of his existence, he thought, feeling his throat tight with anguish.
A pair of arms gently wrapped around his waist from behind and that gesture interrupted the flood of sad memories.
Somehow, Scully sensed that ghosts from the past were trying to come in. Somehow, she could detect a certain melancholy filling his heart.
"Hey," he turned around and pulled her to stand on his side, placing an arm over her all shoulders, "is she alright?"
With a tender smile, Scully nodded her head. "Yes. She just wanted to check what her mom and dad have been up to."
Pleased to hear that, Mulder smiled too, secretly reflecting on how his life had changed, up to the point where he'd be standing at the porch of his house again, but now asking about his baby daughter.
They remained in silence for a while, watching the night sky and stars that twinkled with joy in a vast scenario with no clouds.
"It's a beautiful night despite the cold." Scully spoke, breathing in the clean air of the countryside.
"Yeah. And the silence...Can you hear that, Scully?"
"Yes. It was the first thing I noticed when we came to live here all those years ago. It makes it easy to hear our inner voice or feel, you know, closer to God."
"I confess that sometimes it gave me a sensation of peace. While in others...it became quite thick..."
Scully didn't miss the sadness in that comment and turned to him, aware of the anguish in his heart, something that she had noticed from the moment she returned from Grace's room and found him standing there in the porch facing the land.
"What is going on, Mulder? Talk to me."
With a sad smile, he turned to face her.
"I was just thinking about a conversation that we had not so long ago inside the church. We had just closed that case in New York, the strange cult led by the ex-actress who never became old. You were at the church praying for hope. And I was grateful to have you there."
"We didn't know then but I was already pregnant."
A moment passed by as they remembered her fall in the pit of an elevator, his lightening up a candle and extending his prayers to hers, her whispered words in his ear about her leap of faith forward and that she wanted to do it together.
"You prayed with me too, remember?" She added, hoping to push his sadness away.
"Yes. And I also remember telling you how your life would have been different if you had walked out of that door in the basement office of the FBI to never come back."
Frowning with concern and not liking where that conversation was going, Scully tried to speak. "Mulder, I-"
But despite the sting of pain that that memory could bring, he managed a tiny smile and gently interrupted her by placing his fingertips against her lips.
"Only that now I was here picturing how my life would be now if that had happened. If I didn't have you by my side, I would be living in this house all alone, having no one to share my days with. With no children to carry my name on. I would be under Kersh's shoes at the FBI – if I still had the job anyway. I wouldn't have the health to survive a series of injuries and diseases. I wouldn't have found out the truth about my sister."
Scully's face turned into a tearful one and soon her eyes were wet.
He tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, still with a smile despite the pain that was evident in their hearts. "I would say that I wouldn't have a dog either. But I still don't have one!"
His joke wasn't enough to lighten the mood or to stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks.
"Please don't say those things..."
"It's ok to say them. None of them happened because of our choices and because you didn't give up on me," he kept on talking. "We are not FBI agents anymore, fortunatelly. We are two people who come back to a house every day. To a home. And our home is filled with light instead of the darkness that always lingered around, and which nearly swallowed you and me."
She let out a sob and covered his hand with hers. "Oh, Mulder..."
He took a deep breath, summoning the courage to go on speaking what was in his heart. "Running the risk of sounding repetitive...You saved me. You kept me honest. I owe you everything."
He took her both hands in his own. "And this is why I am standing right here in front of you, Scully. To remind you of a question I made a long time ago, in a playful tone of voice just to disguise my cowardice."
Scully was crying openly right now, picturing the terrible scenario he had just described and aware that it had nearly happened. She eyed him with her face clouded with doubt as he lowered his voice and continued to talk.
"When you asked me if I agreed to have Grace christened, I started to wonder that maybe it was the right moment to bring up that question again. Only that now I won't act so stupid."
He made a brief pause and like the two soulmates that they were, they felt their minds suddenly vibrating in the same syntony.
"Would you allow Father McCue to give us a blessing too? Would you give me this honour, Scully?"
To be continued
