Chapter 13

The sunrise seemed to come up later than usual due to the dark, low-hanging clouds that threatened rain. It was a fitting atmosphere as it reflected the melancholy mood Beast Boy was in as he flew to the cafe to get Raven her favourite pastries. For the last time.

As he had suspected, he had spent the remainder of the night either pacing the floor of his bedroom or pacing the halls of the tower. He had tried to rest on the couch, on his bunk, even with a blanket on the roof, but sleep eluded him. The moment his eyes would wearily close, those pesky emotions, hurt and betrayal, would lurk their ugly heads and remind him of the finality of the upcoming day. With this, a rush of panic would have him automatically open his eyes wide again. Eventually, he stopped fighting it and instead took the time to reflect on all the new information he had received from his conversation with Starfire. With that, he sat down to practice what Raven had taught him.

Hours later, feeling thoroughly worn out, he had fallen into a dreamless sleep only for it to break after just an hour. Despite the exhaustion, he pulled his sluggish body from his bed and headed towards Jump for his pregnant teammate's breakfast.

The cool morning air was full of moisture, and once he landed on the roof and changed back into himself, goosebumps pimpled his arms and sent a chill down his spine. Despite the terrible weather, his mood was brightened by the flight, and although he knew he had purple rings under his eyes, he felt a little more refreshed as he sauntered down the halls toward Ops.

Most of the Titans were up at this early hour, and he suspected that although only he and Starfire graced the main room with their presence last night, most of his teammates didn't sleep as much as they would have liked. The only person not accounted for was the one who had made this little party a pitiful one: Raven. Whether she was sleeping in or whether she was avoiding the gloomy clouds outside (or the metaphorical ones they had conjured inside), Beast Boy wasn't sure. Nevertheless, he grunted a greeting to his friends and flipped on the kettle, ready for when the woman decided to come down for her morning tea.

Only moments later, as if she had a psychic link with the boiling kettle, she appeared, wearing one of Cyborg's Jump City Jets t-shirts and Starfire's hot pink yoga pants that clashed horribly with her violet hair and pale complexion.

She no doubt sensed the low mood of the group and in a very un-Raven-like fashion, tried to lighten the atmosphere with a friendly, "Good morning," to everyone.

"Good morning, Raven," Robin was the first to acknowledge and smile at the cheery empath. "Didn't take you for a football fan," he said with a light laugh, gesturing to Cyborg's shirt. It was unlike Robin to make the joke, but he had clearly sensed the low mood and wanted to cheer his team up with some of their usual banter.

Raven smirked, "You know I live for their home runs, Robin."

It was a rather pathetic joke, but it did seem to ease the tension for most of the group. Beast Boy, however, was unusually passive about the whole ordeal due to the low, angry flame flickering in his gut. He knew it was not the time to address it and had to hold himself together when she turned to him for his personal greeting.

"Did you sleep well, Beast Boy?" Raven smiled at the changeling.

Not trusting his voice with the woman, Beast Boy only nodded in response and wordlessly handed her the hot cup of tea and the plate of pastries he had put out for her. He noticed her smile faltering for a moment under his even gaze, but it was back the moment she bit into the lemon scone he bought her. He had slathered on a thick layer of her favourite jam, and despite his inner struggle, he couldn't help the quirk on his lips as he watched her eyes dance when she ate the sweet preserve.

During all this, he had taken great care to build up the emotional walls he had practiced last night and this morning. He straightened his back, squared his shoulders, and put a blank expression on his face; he wasn't going to falter at this- not anymore.

As if sensing this newfound skill, Raven's nose wrinkled, and she gave Beast Boy a questioning look. She moved her lips as though she was about to speak when Robin, ever the organizer, asked about her timetable for the morning.

Beast Boy quickly tuned out of the conversation, instead focusing all his energy on the mental exercises he had practiced. It was a mix of the routines Raven had shown him and a few of his own unique methods that he felt would be beneficial to keeping up his walls. It was hard to keep it up while he prepared his usual breakfast, but that curious look Raven had given him had boosted his confidence, and there was no turning back now.


A light knock on his door woke him from his mid-afternoon nap. After breakfast and a session in the gym, where he limped his way through Robin's gruelling burpees and endless lunges and squats (keeping a tight ass was high on the little birdy's agenda), Beast Boy had thrown himself on his bed and in less than a minute, was sound asleep.

"Come in," he mumbled into his pillow as another tentative knock interrupted his sleep. He was having a nice dream about a black crow. Or, on second thought, maybe it was a-

"Raven!" He jumped out of bed as her scent filled his lungs.

She stood in his doorway, her braided hair over her shoulder, her eyes worried with concern. "Is this a good time, Beast Boy? I know I said three, but I can push it a little later if you want."

Beast Boy scratched his head as the fogginess from his nap dissipated. He struggled to remember what the woman was talking about, but the chalk in her hands triggered his memory, and his ears drooped slightly at the recollection. She had asked to use his room to start the ritual for the portal to easily slip through time and back into her room in the future. At the time, he had agreed enthusiastically and only half-listened as Raven spoke about preparing the chalk symbols beforehand. Knowing what he knew now about Raven's plans, a resentful part of him wanted to turn her around and insist she do the portal somewhere else. However, it wasn't in his nature to hold a grudge. Instead, he braced himself and summoned the mental walls he had been forming all day.

"Of course, Ma- Raven. Let me grab some things, and I will be out of your way." His voice held none of the usual affection he gave when he spoke to her, and he purposefully did not use his preferred term of endearment for her.

Her wide eyes and parted lips told him that the message had been received.

He rummaged around his room, picking up a few items that he had neglected to put away earlier, and rolled the rug to the side of the room. She had mentioned she needed space to make the chalk marks on the floor, and he carefully moved everything aside to allow for this.

Raven watched him in silence.

By now, his emotional and mental barriers were up and as secure as they were going to get. The room was spaced out evenly and cleaned of debris, so with a feeble wave and clenched teeth, he turned to leave to allow her to do her spells in peace.

"You have been practicing," she called out to him before he could punch the door open.

He waited a beat before turning to her. "I had a revelation. It's easier now." He channelled her monotone and kept his mouth in a firm, tight line.

She seemed to shudder at his cold words.

"That's great!" she said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I'm so glad."

They stood in awkward silence, the air between them heavy.

Wishing to escape the suffocating atmosphere, Beast Boy returned to the door.

"Thank you again for letting me use your room," Raven said hastily, stopping the changeling from leaving yet again.

Beast Boy raised an eyebrow at her, unsure what game she was playing, but nodded politely.

"It just makes so much sense to do it here, you know?" she said quickly. "I can put up some of the initial runes now, and once I have the final ingredient, I can do the spell and walk over into the future!" It was overly perky, and every word came out faster than the last, making her sound like a drugged-up cheerleader.

Beast Boy nodded again, but this time with concern; Raven never mindlessly chatted and never with so much vigour. She had told him all her reasoning two days ago, and she knew he agreed, so why was she repeating herself?

"I have everything I need except that one flower. It is quite ridiculous that I had to wait for a full moon and midnight- it's always midnight- isn't it? It's said that the dark forces are stronger at midnight, but depending on time zones and time of year, it isn't even the darkest hour of the night! I get it, the division of the day and night, the conscious and the unconscious, the end of the day a beginning of the other, but it is a little inconvenient."

Raven's rambling left Beast Boy dumbfounded. He had never heard the girl talk so rapidly nor hear her blather on in such a manner. She had now even started pacing the floor with her steps. Not knowing how to respond, he continued his nodding and hoped she would get it all out of her system soon.

"Thankfully, the spell doesn't require much more than the last of the ingredients and the incantation- which I will NOT get wrong this time. Oh. And the chalk symbols." Her pacing stopped as she eyed the chalk in her hand, face flushed. She looked towards Beast Boy with apologetic eyes. "Don't worry, the chalk will disappear as soon as the portal closes. It will be like it was never there."

Beast Boy nodded, licked his lips, and made sure his walls were in place as he gathered the courage to say, "Like my memory of you."

Raven visibly froze at his words.

Beast Boy said nothing but strengthened his mental walls and made his face as neutral as he could. He crossed his arms and proceeded to stare at Raven. He tried to channel all the hurt, all the anger, all the misery he had been in for the last few hours into that gaze. Although she stayed silent, her startled eyes grew round, and he knew she understood what he was trying to convey.

The pair stared at each other, and Beast Boy recalled how they did this a week ago, in this very room on the day she accidentally came from the future. Then, she was nothing but a scared, lost woman who wanted to get back home, and he was nothing but a confused boy, wondering how his older teammate happened to fall into his time. So much had happened in a week, and Beast Boy wasn't even sure he was the same person he was before he found her. And she wanted to take it all away from him.

The moment stretched, and the silence between them could have filled a canyon.

Beast Boy didn't know how long they stood there, unmoving except for the rise and fall of their chests and the blinking of their eyes. He knew he had said enough- it was her turn to talk and break this eerie stillness.

Finally, after several more seconds ticked by, she opened her mouth to speak, but instead of the expected apology, she whispered, "I need to sit down."

Under usual circumstances, Beast Boy would have jumped over mountains to help her as it was the gentlemanly thing to do- considering her belly had a beach ball attached to it- but in his frustration, he just watched as Raven made her way to his bottom bunk and ungraciously throw herself onto the mattress.

She unconsciously rubbed her belly as she stared at the floor, avoiding his eyes.

Beast Boy tapped his foot and bit his cheek in irritation but continued to keep up his mental walls.

After what seemed like hours but in reality was only minutes, Raven uttered, so low that even Beast Boy had to strain his ears, "I'm sorry."

Beast Boy was nodding again, clenching his teeth while his head slowly moved to a beat even he couldn't hear.

He wanted to shout, he wanted to cry, he wanted to dissect her brain to find all the answers. But he was also tired. Tired of the secrets, tired of holding back. Some things shouldn't and wouldn't be said, but he needed some kind of explanation from her. With a deep breath and making sure he kept his walls up so she wouldn't feel everything he was feeling, he very calmly, very slowly said, "Why did you teach me to block my emotions?"

When you had no intention of allowing me to remember, he thought. He didn't need to say it, but the accusation was there in the malice of his tone.

To her credit, Raven appeared regretful. Her fingers started busily twirling the strands of her braid, and her eyes blinked rapidly as if staving off tears. She seemed to hunch into herself, and the already small woman seemed smaller and more vulnerable.

Raven's full lips seemed to pout, and Beast Boy braced himself for another one of Raven's sorry excuses, but he was not prepared for the impact when she said in a low whisper, "I am more myself with you than when I am without you."

It was such a surprise that Beast Boy automatically dropped his rigid stance and the walls which he had so carefully constructed around his mind threatened to crumble.

Composing himself, he cleared his throat, "What does that mean, Rae?"

She gave a dejected sigh, "Remember how I said we were friends in the future? The truth is you're my best friend. I know it is selfish and probably a little pitiful, but I just wanted to have an excuse to spend extra time with my best friend."

"Oh," was all Beast Boy could say.

A clock ticked in the corner somewhere. Where was that clock moments ago when the silence was so stifling?

"And the memory thing? Why didn't you tell me?" Beast Boy prodded.

She sighed again. "For that one, my only excuse is my cowardice. I know you don't want me to erase your memory. I know you will make me feel incredibly guilty for it. But I also know that it needs to be done. I cannot risk the future. My future, your future, and our friend's future. For all I know, it could affect all of the Titans network, all of Jump City, all of the world."

Beast Boy swallowed, "The butterfly effect."

Raven's lip curled in a mirthless smile, "You know your sci-fi. You know what needs to be done."

Beast Boy shook his head, rejecting his logic. "No! I cannot accept that! What if I promise never to say anything to anyone ever? What if I made an unbreakable vow or something? I will die if I tell, right? Can't we do that instead?" He couldn't hide the pleading in his voice.

Raven shook her head in sad amusement, "That kind of spell doesn't exist beyond the Harry Potter franchise, Beast Boy."

"Ugh!" Hands on either side of his head, he flung himself on the bed next to Raven. In a furious rage, he pulled off his gloves and pitched them across the room as if they were the ones who were going to erase his memory and not the empath beside him.

Taking deep breaths, he ran his hands through his hair in a vain attempt to calm himself down. He was seeing red, and although he was frantically constructing his mental barricades, they were collapsing all around him. He knew a breakdown was imminent and braced himself for the expected vertigo, but a pale hand on his shoulder and a whisper of his name reeled him back from going under.

At first, it startled him, and he attributed the rapid change in his emotion to her empathic ability. But as he squinted at her, seeing that look she gave that reminded him to breathe, he knew she hadn't used it on him- it was just her calming presence. Yet it was more than that; it was all of her. Her playful jabs, her encouragement, her strength, her friendship.

"I can't give you up," he breathed, placing his hand over hers. The realization was startling and yet somehow at the same time, not surprising.

She gave him a small smile, "You don't have to. I'm right here." She gestured her chin toward the wall he shared with Raven. "I'm…. prickly around the edges, and I need time and patience, but we will get there." She put her other hand over his so that his fingers were surrounded by her warmth. "We will get here."

They were only inches away now, the closest they had been since he found her standing in his room. He was staring at her lips, the way she moved them when she talked, and he wondered if they felt as soft as they looked. Instinctively, he felt his arm wrap around her shoulder. He pulled her close; she would be sitting on his lap if it weren't for her pregnant belly. His nose could touch her forehead, and he knew that this was all he wanted: a smart, beautiful woman in his arms who made him feel like he could take on the world. He tilted his head, leaned in, and closed his eyes…

And his face was buried in her silky hair.

She is married, Beast Boy you idiot!

He can't believe he had forgotten about Lucky Bastard.

He creepily sniffed her hair- a poor consolation prize but one he was not going to snub. Her delicious scent made him shiver and reminded him that he would protect this woman with his life. He didn't like it, not one bit, but he was going to take whatever weird potion or participate in whatever spell to secure her future and her happiness.

But it did not stop it from hurting.

She started pulling away from the hug, so he schooled his features and fortified the boundaries around his emotions.

With her hand on his face, she looked into his eyes and there was no need for words; he felt the question in her gaze.

He gave a sad nod, accepting this fate.

"Thank you," she breathed, and with a smile, she kissed his forehead like one would kiss a baby.


Authors note:

Okay, so it's a short one this week, but it is all building up toward Raven's departure!

Now, I usually like to add something here that gives you a hint of what's coming in next week's chapter but it's a hard one as I don't want to give too much away! Let's just say that my husband gave me the silent treatment for a VERY long time after reading it. When he finally spoke to me, he called me a rather nasty name.

I deserved it.

See you next week!