"You're lying!"

And everything blended together into a dark-blue blur flecked with orange splotches like a burning street at night. I never looked back; I didn't want to look back; I rather not look back.

A thousand conflicting feelings I have and never have felt stirred in me. It was like a hundred butterflies were fluttering in my stomach with nowhere to go. My throat burned, my legs grew heavy, and my eyes were wet; the cruel winter wind was chilly and yet wasn't, like being aware of feeling cold and feeling cold just stopped connecting altogether.

I could hear it already―the laughs of all the people in Luna Nova, sneering and pointing at me, telling me I was wrong all along, telling me I was a failure, a stupid failure. I already saw Diana turning her nose up at me while Hannah and Barbara snickered and cackled; Amanda, Jasminka, Constanze, they just shook their heads in utter, utter disappointment and looked away; Professor Finneran, Professor Badcock, Professor Lukic, Professor Nelson, Professor Pisces, even Headmaster Holbrooke―they all glared down at me like gnarled, towering trees with rows and rows of marks on their trunks, reminders of every little mistake I made, every little embarrassing thing I did, every stupid and childish thing I said, everything that alone sunk Luna Nova's reputation and ruined everyone's standing.

Even Sucy and Lotte were turning away, frowning―glaring―resentful of how much I embarrassed them, made them as embarrassing as I was.

It didn't take long for me to find some park bench, but they were all hounding me: the jeering, the mocking, the sneering, the cackling, the glaring―the crying―it just wouldn't stop. Pathetic, pitiful, naive, gullible―the perfect blend to make an idealistic, starry-eyed loser.

Cold, so cold; frost on my clothes and my throat burned, shadows dancing around me; everyone telling me what a pathetic failure I am, that I shouldn't have gone to Luna Nova, that I'm just as bad―if not worse―than Shiny Chariot; friends distancing themselves from me in order to save face; my stomach tightening and my chest heaving and my face grimacing because I'm a failure and they were right, they were right all along; should've given up a long time ago, always caused trouble, always messed things up, always ruined everyone's day, always disappointed people; nothing but a sad girl posing as a witch who couldn't even fly a damn broom, not even worth teaching or befriending; legs curling up, arms hugging my knees, soaked eyes burying into my arms, chest throbbing; the laughing and sobbing won't stop, won't leave me alone; can't ever look anyone at Luna Nova in the eye ever again―especially Chariot.

Arms strangling my knees, stomach churning and chest now burning; can't believe what she's done; stole my magic, stole my life; horrible, utter betrayal of her fans and what she preached; a believing heart can't be my magic if Chariot had already stolen it; why become a witch, why did I want this; doomed from the start, set up to fail, all that hard work for nothing; it was all for nothing, no chance in hell to be a great witch; can never be a witch; can never see Chariot the same way again; won't ever see her damn face again; can never forgive her, never; hate her; stole my hopes and dreams; hate you; I hate you; teeth gritting, eyes wide and face contorted, throat hoarse from crying; I hate you Shiny Chariot; I hate you; I hate you, can't cry enough, I hate you, I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you

"Akko!"

I jumped and blinked, but my surprise became shame―Diana ran up to me, catching her breath. Oh no. Was she here to tell me how much of a disgrace to magic I am again? Weirdly, she looked worried; Diana never worried about me, or ever cared for me at all, really, so why did she look worried?

Oh, maybe she's just worried about losing her chance to put me down again for being such a ditzy idiot. Maybe that's why. Can't really blame her, I kinda had it coming after all.

Diana took one more breath as she looked at me. "Akko, you can't stay out here in the cold like this! What if you catch a cold? Come on," she said, grabbing my wrist with a gentleness I didn't expect, "let's get you warmed up."

I slapped her hand; she recoiled, staring at me. "Go away," I growled. "Just leave me alone."

"A-Akko," Diana murmured, that weird look still on her face. Have I ever worried her this much before? No, that's not possible. Yet, she touched and rubbed my shoulder. "It's cold. I―I don't want to see you freeze like this."

"Don't care. Just leave me be."

Diana frowned and looked away.

Why was she so worried? It's not like Diana ever cared for me before; wasn't she the one who told me I was a disgrace to magic? Didn't she had better things to do than hang around with a failure like me?

And yet, weirdly, she just squeezed my shoulder in a gentle way too. "I-I can't, Akko. I can't leave you like this. I'm sorry, but I'm need to get you somewhere warm."

Diana was being annoying, but I couldn't care enough to slap her hand again when she pulled me up to my feet. Honestly, if she really wanted to me help, I should probably just humor her for a little bit―show her how pathetic I really am.

Her hand was warm―comforting almost―around mine. She led me out of the park, looking back at me every now and then, to who knows where. We just walked down the street in that cold, dreary night.

It was all a blur, but the mug of hot chocolate in my hand brought me back. Diana and I were sat face-to-face in the Last Wednesday Society Shop I visited once with Lotte―my friends―my―some acquaintances of mine. The shopkeep was reading his magazine behind the counter, but he might as well be sneering in safety, like he knew what happened between Chariot―Professor―Professor Ursula―She Who Shall Not Be Named―and I and had known how much of a failure I was all along. He probably actually wasn't, but if he really was then he was absolutely right–

Diana's hand touched mine, her eyes―aggravatingly―kind and concerned. "How are you feeling?"

I sat in silence. God, what was she trying to pull here?

Diana's―stupid―concern now came up again. "You like sweets, right? A little hot chocolate should warm you up."

For once, I had to agree with her―the hot chocolate did smell delicious. Grabbing the mug―my palms burned, but I didn't care―I chugged it all down―only for the chocolate to burn my mouth and throat. I chocked and coughed, Diana shooting up to rub my back as she held my hand―like some weirdo―until my windpipe started clearing up.

It burned and hurt, but whatever―I don't care any more.

"You okay, Akko?" Diana murmured, now back to rubbing my shoulder. "Sorry, I ordered it really hot for you…"

I didn't speak. Don't be sorry.

Diana fetched me cool water and had me drink it. Setting the glass aside, she took her seat again and we fell back into that awkward silence. Not once did I even looked her way; I ended up looking at my knees.

"I-I'll admit," Diana said, finally breaking the silence. "I didn't think I would find you sitting out there in the cold like that."

"What did you expect, then?" I huffed.

Diana frowned. "I don't know, but certainly not like this…"

The awkward silence settled again.

"…I've spoken with Professor Ursula about what happened."

My teeth gritted. "So you know she's Chariot?"

I swore I heard Diana gasped before taking a deep breath. "Yes. I'm fully aware of the professor's real identity. She told me about how this Dream Fuel Spirit spell absorbed the magic of the people who had attended her shows."

"Then you know how she stole my magic right then and there," I growled, my voice trembling with hate. At this rate, I might actually scream at Diana right then and there.

Diana frowned again and nodded. "Regrettably, yes." She looked down, that stupid frown of hers totally fake―trying to look like she really did care about me. "You might find this hard to believe, but I too was shocked when I found out."

"Really now?"

Diana winced but she covered it up, always calm with her emotions like that. "Let me explain."

Reaching into her pocket, Diana pulled out a Shiny Chariot Premium card. I stared at her and the card, eyes wide. The card I've been trying to find for so long, and she had it with her all along!

But my excitement died the moment it flared. Was Diana trying to be sympathetic or totally unironic? Still, on one hand, I couldn't believe she had it with her all this time; on the other hand, I don't even know if she knows she just making herself look stupid with that stupid collector's card.

"As I understand it," she said, "you were quite the collector when it came to these cards. To be honest, I shared your enthusiasm as well. Only, I was only ever really interested in this Premium card since it had Shiny Chariot on it."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, and what's your point?"

"I'm not belittling or going to belittle you, Akko," Diana said, shaking her head, a sadness now in her eyes. "Not anymore. A-Arguably, I never should have done it in the first place, and would I like to formally apologize for everything. But that needs to be saved for another time, right now I just want you to understand something."

"What?" I spat.

Diana shifted in her seat. "…I-I was actually an admirer of Shiny Chariot."

I scoffed. "Funny you say that. Last I checked, you hated Chariot like everyone else."

"Only because I had to. It wouldn't do me or my family name any favors if people found out I loved Shiny Chariot. But I was just as enamored with her like you back then, perhaps moreso, and I was always enchanted by her magic and how she wanted to spread happiness and joy to the world–"

"–And we both know how well that turned out."

Diana winced, then frowned. "I―I understand the irony of that statement now, but please hear me out."

I looked away and let my eyes wander, but I didn't say anything.

"As I was saying," Diana said, daring to touch my hand once more, "Her brand of magic is certainly enchanting, but what I found most mesmerizing about her was her desire to bring happiness and joy to the world. Of course, there was a lot of people who thought she was making fun of magic, disrespecting the craft and its history with what was tantamount to cheap parlor tricks, but that explanation never really sat right with me. I saw how much she brought joy to people, how much she inspired them to take up magic. That alone made me admire her more than anything else, really.

"Back when she was performing, I always dreamed of going to her magic shows." Diana lips turned into a―stupid and fake―smile. "To have a chance to see Shiny Chariot and her magic, live and up front, that would've been a dream come true. But of course, my family would've been ridiculed the world over if they found out one of their own attended a Shiny Chariot show. Still, it didn't stop my mother from arranging a secret trip to Chariot's Japan showing at the time…"

I stared at her, eyes wide. "Wait, w-what…?"

Diana nodded. "Yes, her Japanese showing, I was in it as well. And it was amazing. That battle with the dragon, the way she transformed so seamlessly into various animals, the spirits that rose from our hearts and flew into the horizons," Diana chuckled, her smiler even fuller up until the last part. "It, well, it exceeded beyond my wildest expectations."

"And then you lost your magic too, huh?"

"I suppose Andrew had told you about it before?" Diana said, her smile disappearing into a grave look. "But correct, I did. I had no idea it was because of Dream Fuel Spirit at the time, but after we went back home, I suddenly couldn't perform any magic at all. Not even the most basic of spells. Everyone was shocked, too."

I killed my surprise and replaced it with a frown. "You found out about Dream Fuel Spirit from Chariot, right? Then you know why I don't want to see her again."

"I understand the feeling, Akko. Maybe even as much as you do." Diana's look became a frown to the point of sadness, and honestly that looked way more appropriate than her silly attempts to be kind; then she furrowed her brows and gazed at me. "But you can't let this get to you, Akko. You can still regain your magic! It's possible! I was able to do it!"

A bitter chuckle's all Diana got. "That's 'cause you're the best student in all of Luna Nova. Of course you could do it. Unlike me."

Diana shook her head, her―infuriating―look still determined. "Akko, I also understand irony of what I just said considering what I did, what I said to you back then, a-and I'm," she―surprisingly―choked, "I'm ashamed of it. Really. Not only that, my own family had actually given up on me. Everyone I knew, everyone they knew, they had written me off as a lost cause. I mean, how could a Cavendish reach her full potential if she couldn't even perform a basic metamorphosis spell?"

"Then you're even a bigger hypocrite than I thought," I snarled, not even sparing her a glance. "I almost can't believe that you went through the same thing I did, and yet looked down at me like everyone else."

Diana grimaced, and for a moment I thought I saw tears rolling down her cheeks, but maybe I was imagining it. Why would she even cry? She still looked at me with pursed lips. "I know, I'm sorry for what I said to you, and I wish I could take it all back, Akko. I really do. What happened to the both of us is unfortunate, and believe me, I still want to know why Shiny Chariot used such a horrible thing in the first place."

And then she picked up and cradled my hand, trying to smile, and it was then I realized I wasn't imagining those tears. "Listen to me, Akko. I-I know you're in a really dark place, but will that change the fact you can't do magic?"

My body froze. My teeth clenched, my throat burned, my chest tightened, my everything tensed with a force that could tear trees apart. "…Then, how did you get your magic back?"

"This'll sound so trite, but I didn't give up," Diana chuckled, still cradling my hand. "Yes, I did out of a desire to prove myself that I can still become the head of my family, that much is true. But to say that was my sole drive would really miss why I kept going. I love magic. Shiny Chariot, for all her faults, had shown me what it can truly do in the right hands. That burning passion for magic that she inspired, it got me through failure after failure after failure. It also got me through ridicule and shame, and while there were times where I really did believe everything everyone said about me, I couldn't reconcile that with my desire to become like Shiny Chariot no matter what. I wanted, no, needed to become as great of a witch as her.

"That said, Shiny Chariot stole our magic," Diana said, her gaze hardening. "I know how devastating it must feel, to have your own idol betray you like that." Her hands then cupped mine with a firm gentleness. "You can't give up, not now Akko. Not after everything you've been through! If I, Diana Cavendish, originally destined to never perform magic ever again, shamed and ostracized for believing she could change her fate, was able to regain her magic, then even you, Atsuko Kagari, can do it! I am living proof that one affected by Dream Fuel Spirit can, indeed, regain their magic again! There's still hope for you!"

Silence fell again, and it was thick and heavy. Diana put my hand down and reclined on her seat, waiting for my answer with equal parts hope and fear. I shivered and trembled, clenched my hands, gritted teeth, squeezed my eyes, furrowed my brows and…

…And shot up, slamming my fists, and glared right into Diana's bewildered eyes.

"You may have regained your magic because you loved it, but me? I hate magic! I hate it! I'll never become a great witch. In fact, I don't even want to become one anymore! I don't want to have to do anything with magic or being a witch! I hate Shiny Chariot! I hate her! How could she steal our magic like that and lie?! She lied to me, Diana! She lied about how a believing heart is my magic! I can't believe I bought her lie all this time, and, and, and look at me! Look at me! I can't even fly a damn broom! That lying, magic-stealing," I hiccupped, her horrified face blurring as tears rolled down my cheeks. "I'll never forgive her, Diana! I'll never forgive that liar!"

Diana cupped her mouth, unable to look at me, her chest heaving. "A-Akko, please, it's going to be okay–"

"Save it Diana, just save it! You were right! I was so stupid, so naive for believing in her! That liar stole my magic right in front of me and I was too much of a daydreaming dumbass to even realize it!"

"Akko, don't say that, you're not–"

"No, you were right!" I yelled, my throat burning. "You and everyone else were right all along! Shiny Chariot is the worse! She made me think an ordinary girl like me could become a great witch when in reality I just made a fool out of myself and everyone around me! Everyone in Luna Nova was right to call me out for much I was a complete bother to them all!

Diana shut her eyes and her voice was trembling. "Akko, I-I was wrong, I shouldn't have, please, j-just don't–"

"Don't be a hypocrite! You wanted me to leave Luna Nova, right? Right?!" I bared my teeth and stared into her very soul. "Well, you got your wish! I'm leaving! Happy now? You won't have to deal with this daydreaming idiot anymore! You won't have to deal with a selfish jerk who only thinks about herself and embarrasses herself and everyone else around her! You won't have to deal with this stupid, childish kid who's just a burden on you and everyone else for some stupid dream of hers!"

The silence fell again, deep and heavy. Diana didn't even look at me, just tense and whimpering like she―hypocritical as she is―actually regretted everything. My throat seared. My anger twisted itself into a grimace, and out of all the times I cried in my life, I have never cried harder.

I clenched my fists and threw the mug off of the table, a shatter piercing the silence. "There. That's what everyone wants, right?" I murmured, voice hoarse and low amidst the sobbing. "You don't have to worry about this sore, wannabe loser every again…"

"A-Akko," Diana cried, her hand snaking onto mine.

I slapped it away and bolted out of there.

But then I froze right between the door way. I couldn't look back at her, and it was so hard to stop the crying and hiccuping and sniffling and it was so cold and yet it didn't…

"Goodbye, Diana."

Everything blurred again as the winter night embraced me. I think I bumped into Lotte and Sucy, but it was better if they don't see me again―they probably just wanted to say how much they hated me now. I could hear Diana screaming for my name, some kind desperation in her voice that I never heard before, but it shouldn't matter, right? She really regretted everything?

I find that hard to believe.

When I had ran, and ran, and ran, until I was sure I was far, far away from everything―and I was by my lonesome, surrounded by drifting snowflakes―my screaming legs gave out and I fell onto my knees. And sobbing. Painful, miserable, pitiful sobbing. Cried even harder than back there. Tears dried up, snot pooled on biting snow, hoarse throat and whimpers. Curled up, sidewalk freezing and caked with snow, embraced by snow and chill.

Empty night, hope lost, dream shattered, resent, resent, just resent and burned out hate and a hurt far deeper than any wound imaginable…