JUU-NI
"Huh, did you know that extra large condoms are marketed for a girth of six inches and wider?" Itachi spoke in an off-handed manner as he ran a finger along one of the packages' jagged corners. "Look, it says right here. You learn something new every day. Who do I have to thank for this knowledge, Sasuke?"
Sasuke's teeth sunk into his quivering lower lip as the scissors in his shaky hands snipped across another condom. He knew what his Aniki was asking. Itachi wanted to know who purchased them. Not like his answer would have changed the fact that they existed.
What terrified him the most during that very second wasn't that question, but the scary, blank look on Itachi's face as if he had lost his humanity. Aside from the clear anger radiating off of his aura in heat waves, Sasuke had a hard time handling his stoic countenance.
He had seen that expression directed at all walks of life around him, but never at him. Until now at least.
Despite this, his Aniki hadn't made much eye contact with him since they had stepped inside their house. Sure, he might have looked at him, but Sasuke got the impression that he wasn't really looking at him as if his gaze was veering off over his head or shoulder.
He guessed he was dubbed too much of a disgusting liar now to even get Itachi's attention.
That, combined with the fact that his Aniki had been addressing him by his first name only, meant Sasuke was in deep, deep shit.
He did not see this going away easily at all.
The crinkle of the last packet being cut in half echoed in both of their ears, and the weight in Sasuke's hands finally disappeared. However, the heaviness in his chest only festered and grew.
His Aniki stood at the foot of his bed, off-handedly playing with the wrapper that was split down the middle while Sasuke remained on his knees on the floor. The rubber stench of condoms permeated the air, infiltrating his lungs with as much mercy as his Aniki's disturbing silence.
"I… I'm going to go," Sasuke finally whispered as he stood.
"Go where?" A cold edge had sharpened those two words, and Itachi had shifted his body to block Sasuke's path. "Did I say I was done?"
Sasuke shifted back, knuckles locked against his side. "I'd rather you scream at me than be this way!" he cried. "You're talking to me like I'm less than scum, like I don't matter. If that's your conclusion, then there's nothing left to talk about!"
Sasuke shoved past Itachi as he ran for the door, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. Before he reached it, however, his wrist was trapped in one of Itachi's hands and the door was shut with a thud so loud, it caused the hinges to rattle.
Suddenly, he was pressed face first against the door. His wrist, which was enveloped in Itachi's grip, was twisted behind him and pressed against his lower back, causing his elbow to protrude, and shoulder to ache.
A hand came down on the opposing side, pressing firmly against the door, and locking Sasuke's body in between the man's arms. His wrist ached tragically, indicating how snugly Itachi was holding onto him.
Instead of squirming to be set free, Sasuke felt the large, foreboding presence hovering behind him and dared not breathe. His lungs burned with depleted oxygen and silent tears continued to rain down his face, but he could not bring himself to turn his head in his Aniki's direction to beg for mercy.
He was terrified of what he'd see.
Sasuke could feel his Aniki's breath before the man even spoke.
"I admit: I'm a little possessive over my own Otouto," Itachi's low voice uttered, dangerously inexorable. "If that's a crime, then sue me."
Itachi's whispered words caressed the back of his nape, causing Sasuke to cup his free hand over it with a shaky breath. There were only two possibilities for the way Itachi breathed those words: sensually or as a threat. It was definitely a warning, and the fact that his body responded to his Aniki sensually instead made Sasuke curl into himself in agony and helplessness.
His body experienced a shockwave of astonishment at the statement, but Sasuke quickly realized that the context in which it was uttered did not match his own perverse feelings.
It was simply his Aniki being his Aniki.
Slowly, the tight grip of his left wrist loosened, allowing Sasuke's hand to slip away. As a result, Itachi's other arm was found next to Sasuke's cheek, fully caging him against the door.
"You're very delicate, my dear Sasuke," his Aniki murmured. Despite how low his voice was, the monotonic tone was still in full bloom. "Delicate and fair, beautiful and innocent. It's a magnet for creeps to feast on." Itachi breathed deeply. "And because I'm a bit possessive, it doesn't make any sense to me to let anyone bestow any kind of intention onto you. Your safety is my first priority, and I tend to lose a few marbles when it has been violated. When you have been violated. So I really do hate the continuance of receiving surprises like this. When will the surprises stop?"
Sasuke pressed his front closer against the door, hoping to add even a centimeter of space between the spiraling man and his loud heartbeat. A whimper, so pitiful and weak, escaped from his vocal chords.
"Are you pretending not to hear me?" Itachi whispered, lips so close to Sasuke's ear that he could feel the moisture left behind by his hot breath. "Hmph. Ignoring Aniki is such a lowball move. It makes my chest feel funny, and I don't like it. Where did you learn your bad manners from, Sasuke? Is it from that boy, too? Aniki taught you better than that."
Sasuke's hand shot to the door knob and the loud rattle bounced off his eardrums. With both of Itachi's hands pressed firmly to the wooden door, there was no way it'd budge, but he had panicked.
"Stop that." A growl resonated from behind him. "Sasuke, be honest with me. Do you love me?"
Sasuke's hand fell from the knob and his brain short-circuited for a split second, having been asked blatantly such a question. His eyes pinched shut and he whispered breathlessly, "I-I do. I do, Aniki." He gripped onto the hem of his shirt, contemplating whether to say the next bit, which was already on the tip of his tongue. As if compelled, he let it out. "My love for you is incomparable."
He heard Itachi take in a sharp breath as if the man hadn't expected those words. The gentle thud of Itachi's forehead to his shoulder startled the boy. For the first time in the exchange, a bit of warmth flooded into Itachi's tone. "Me, too," his Aniki muttered. "I like treating you like a princess, my princess who's so sweet to me, who I can get candy-flavored kisses and warm, comforting hugs from. But lately, all you do is treat me like a stranger and try to run away from me. You've been breaking my heart, Otouto, and I can't stand it."
"Nnn, no, Aniki. I don't– I didn't mean to," Sasuke stuttered, intimidated by the man's presence but taken in by his words.
"Should I tell you what I've been thinking? I just don't want to scare you." Itachi paused briefly as if contemplating something. "I… cry myself to sleep even when you're next to me because I feel alone. I cry myself to sleep because I feel like you see me as an insignificant, overbearing person. I'm afraid I'll lose you to whatever this is.
"I wake up not knowing how you'll treat me: if you'll greet me affectionately or run away from me, if you'll cry if I make a request or ignore me, or if you'll reject me and stomp all over my heart. I just don't know. Living like this is excruciating. I'm so– so anxious all of the time that I just don't know what to do with myself.
"When I'm in my seminars, all I can think about is how I can get on your good side again and how to get you to smile for me again. You know Aniki treats only you well. I only care about what you think. No one else is important; no one else's opinion matters. I would do anything for you in a heartbeat if that means it'll make you happy.
"So tell me what I should do so you'd talk to me and stop acting differently?"
Slowly, Sasuke turned around to face his Aniki, thoughts racing at an imperceivable speed. He didn't know what he was thinking, but before he could put a filter on it, he spoke.
"… If I say have sex with me once and everything would go back to how it used to be, would you do it?"
Perhaps he was tired of his Aniki's clueless behavior when it was he who fucked Sasuke into oblivion behind closed doors. Or maybe he wanted one night being under Itachi's full, undivided and alert attention. A deeper, darker part of him wished to bury Itachi under the same emotions that kept Sasuke miserable for his entire life, hoping the man could experience Sasuke's shattered hopelessness due to falling in love with his own Aniki and knowing he'd never be able to erase his feelings for as long as he breathed.
"… What?"
Sasuke nearly laughed his ass off at how incredulous Itachi sounded. The man looked so distraught with his brows permanently furrowed and a frown marring his perfectly sculpted lips that Sasuke couldn't help, but feel the acid burn his entire insides to death. That was the normal response to the thought of fucking your own Otouto. As expected, of course.
"Are you saying that to be funny? Or are you saying that because it's the one thing you could think of that I can't do? Is this your way of telling me things will never be the same again?"
Itachi's face had grown ghastly and the more Sasuke stared at the rejection pasted as clear as day on his Aniki's face, the more bitter he felt. "So what you're saying is no," he said, disguised calmness coursing through his entire body as if being rejected by the love of his life was something to be taken in with ease. "Figures."
Bam.
Itachi's palms slammed against the door, causing it to jerk and rattle against Sasuke's back. "This isn't a joke!"
"Who said I was joking?"
"HAH? You weren't joking? Don't fuck with me, Sasuke." His Aniki was really angry now, the corners of his lips lifted in a snarl. He most likely thought Sasuke was still joking even though there wasn't even a shadow of anything remotely mischievous on his face.
'Your ultimatum is too fucked up to even be seen as a joke,' his brain murmured woefully, but Sasuke already knew that.
"You asked and I answered. What more do you want? Besides, I said 'if'."
He folded his arms and looked away, attempting to keep the new wave of tears at bay. He knew what kind of reaction he'd get, but no amount of preparation made it any better.
When Itachi didn't respond and some time had passed, Sasuke caught a glimpse of his tightened jaw.
"I don't like your attitude, Sasuke. If you speak to me so crudely again, I'm going to put you over my knee," the man growled.
Sasuke's neck nearly whiplashed upon hearing him and immediately, an alarmed look overshadowed his initial bitterness. "N-No, I didn't mean… no, you–you wouldn't…."
Never in his seventeen years of existence had his Aniki ever laid a hand on him. Sure, his Aniki may have threatened to do so once or twice, but that was just for show.
Sasuke set his eyes on his Aniki and upon meeting Itachi's harsh glare, he immediately understood in that moment that, yes, Itachi would.
Wincing at the imaginary image of his Aniki doing so, Sasuke picked up his jaw. "S-Sorry," he mumbled, feeling like an admonished child and wishing he could hide away from Itachi's piercing stare. His dry throat scratched at him, resisting the output of his words. "I'm sorry."
He couldn't help, but believe that he'd reach the end of the road for Itachi's patience, and now, his Aniki would treat him coldly like he did with everyone else. Did Itachi officially hate him now? Sasuke nearly scoffed. Why was he so broken up about it when it was all his fault anyway?
"That's what I thought," Itachi said matter-of-factly. "So what I was initially trying to say is it's so easy to end this, my beloved Otouto," Itachi said, voice suddenly turning sickeningly coaxing. "Just tell Aniki the name of the boy who did horrible things to you, and we can put all this behind us."
Horror struck Sasuke harder than lightning in a thunderstorm, and he couldn't help the sliver of incredulousness that reflected in his countenance.
Was that what he was initially saying?
How come Sasuke didn't even pick up a single clue that what his Aniki wanted was that individual's name? And what did he mean by "put all this behind us"? Was he going to do something stupid?
"Be good now. Tell your darling Aniki."
His eye contact faltered and, despite the gentle caress along his cheek, Sasuke swallowed thickly. "I… have nothing to tell."
Itachi's hand fell from Sasuke's face as if he'd been burned, and the tender look in his eyes died instantly as if it was a manifestation of his imagination. His Aniki's face, in the absence of its gentleness, was the hardened shell of an eerie stranger.
H.J.
A sudden coldness washed over Itachi's body. It was as if someone had used UV light to destroy all of the positive emotions in his system, leaving behind only the nasty ones. He took a single step away from the boy and let his arms hang limply at his side.
"You really know how to hurt me," Itachi muttered inaudibly to himself, receiving a head tilt in response. Clearly, his Otouto did not hear his nonsensical ramblings.
He had gathered a few things from their conversation. First and foremost, his Otouto didn't care to mend their relationship. This realization was crippling. Second, he refused to divulge any information about his assailant as if he was protecting him. And third, the boy had a perverse sense of humor. He couldn't even begin to fathom his earlier proposal.
Deep down, Itachi seethed.
What "incomparable" love? How dare Sasuke utter such words to his face when he'd rather protect a stranger than tell Itachi the truth. His precious Otouto, the boy he basically raised with his own two hands and careful heart, easily kicked him aside, choosing a filthy piece of garbage over what he claimed to be his Aniki, whom he loved incomparably.
Itachi could feel a tremor rake through his body. Albeit slight, he felt as sturdy as china sitting on a shelf during a bull's raid. It was comical.
Downstairs, the echo of their front porch doorbell broke his sullen musings. He ignored it at first, especially when he noted the clear expression of relief nestled in every groove on Sasuke's face. Why did his Otouto look like he'd been rescued from the big, bad wolf? Itachi was not a fan.
However, when the bell was accompanied by a pounding on the door and the howl of a familiar voice, Itachi growled.
"Stay here," he commanded the boy, maneuvering around him to yank open the door.
He stomped down to the foyer, jerked open the door only a fraction of a foot and glared rudely at the visitor. Voice lowered an octave, he hissed, "What the fuck are you doing here?"
The man, a blonde who was equally as tall as Itachi, was leaning against the doorframe, the epitome of his ikemen title. Kyuubi was his name, and his annoying face looked at Itachi in amusement. He sniggered, easily taking on his temper with an equally low whistle.
"Why do you look like a dog whose territory was just encroached upon?" Kyuubi asked, face scrunched up in mock distaste. His voice was so booming loud that it was easy for anyone to hear him.
Itachi scowled and slipped out, effectively bumping Kyuubi off the porch step, and shut the door behind him. Under the afternoon's setting sun, he stood, arms crossed, in front of his door.
"Pfft. Wow. I just swung by to drop off your notes and a few books you were asking about, but, man, did I come at a bad time?" the blonde asked with slight humor. "It's rare to see you so…." He waved his hand at Itachi's stance and expression. "Off-kilter," he finished.
"I'm fine."
"And I'm Batman," Kyuubi responded with an eye roll.
Itachi didn't budge, defenses raised on high alert from an unwanted visitor in front of him and a stubborn, nonsensical Otouto waiting upstairs. Unbeknownst to him, he'd been tapping a finger against his bicep as if anxious to get back.
Seemingly catching on to the odd atmosphere, Kyuubi said, "You've been acting really freaking weird lately. You're not, like, doing drugs, are you?"
What asinine–
The blonde's laugh rang in Itachi's ears.
"Kidding! You know, I've been friends with you for almost a decade and I've only seen that Otouto of yours enough times to count with the fingers on one hand," the blonde said, crystal blue eyes flickering at the closed door behind Itachi.
His motion did not escape Itachi. In fact, as soon as he noticed the curiosity in the blonde's voice, Itachi hissed. If he could spit venom, he'd do so in a heartbeat. "Don't you dare."
Hands in the air, Kyuubi grinned a fox-like smile. "I've also only seen you act like this when it comes to your precious Otouto. So what is it now? Did you throw a huge fit and get disowned?"
Itachi felt his blood boiling just by looking at the smugness smeared all over the man's face. As if his Otouto giving him enough worries to last a lifetime wasn't sufficient, now another roadblock was here to add to his increasing anxiety.
"Didn't I tell you not to be a helicopter parent? Teenage boys need room to grow."
"Fuck that."
Itachi allowed an inch, and look what happened: his Otouto took the whole fucking football field. If he continued at this pace, he'd wake up one day with Sasuke gone from his life.
Kyuubi's smile ebbed away quite quickly after that. He stared at Itachi oddly, brows furrowed in thought. Finally, with a voice filled with worry, he directed his words at Itachi. "Joking aside, you really don't look well, man. Is there something I can help with? Is your Otouto doing okay?"
Itachi was ready to snap back, but Kyuubi clearly knew how to speak with him because when he said "your Otouto," Itachi's anger was pushed back.
That's right. He's my Otouto.
Completely lacking in his style, Itachi opened his mouth before he knew it, words of desperation slipping past his filter. "How do you get someone to tell you a secret?"
Kyuubi appeared caught off guard. Perhaps due to Itachi's lack of rejection and his willingness to ask for advice.
"Well," he said slowly, skimming his hands through his hair, "how important is this secret to know?"
"…."
"Hmm. People only tell their own secrets to those who they trust and feel comfortable being around. If they feel that someone is compassionate and nonjudgmental, they would be more willing to share a secret. After all, who would want to share a secret with someone who's going to judge them for it, right?"
"Are you saying I'm uncompassionate and judgemental?" Itachi responded callously.
Kyuubi sweatdropped. "You're not exactly the nicest person I've come across."
"I have good points."
Kyuubi outright laughed. "You? Good points? Bwahahahahahaaaa! Dude, I showed up at your doorstep and you instantly became territorial as fuck. To put things into perspective, I'm your friend and this is how you treat me. What does that tell you about how you treat others? If you have good points, they must be imaginary as fuck."
Itachi waved him off. "That's not important. Finish answering my question."
"Yeah, yeah," Kyuubi muttered, wiping away a tear. "All I'm saying is adopt a compassionate and nonjudgmental demeanor and perhaps, your precious Otouto will share his secrets with you. The key to it all is building trust and making them feel comfortable enough to tell you."
"If that doesn't work?"
"Wow, so quick to realize, eh?" Kyuui rubbed his chin and ruminated briefly. "If that doesn't work, I suppose you can always trick someone into telling you. You know, lower their inhibitions somehow to get it out of them." The man shrugged as if his statement was just an afterthought. "Don't know how you'd go about that though."
Itachi had to give the blonde credit.
"But dude, if this is causing you so much grief, I'm just going to lay it out there. I think it would be wise to ask yourself if knowing the answer will actually put you at peace or torture you more." Kyuubi snapped his fingers. "Anyway, enough using my amazing brain power to give advice. I've already done the hard part and loaded all your materials in my trunk, so come get your shit out of my car. I have places to be and people to hit up."
When Itachi finally shut the front door behind him, approximately twenty minutes had passed. He was nursing a huge headache and his racing thoughts did not help, but Itachi rushed to climb the stairs anyway, hoping Sasuke hadn't locked himself away somewhere.
"Otouto," he called when he reached the top of the steps. When no one answered him, his footsteps fell heavier against the floorboards until he pushed open Sasuke's bedroom door, wild eyes scanning the vicinity for the boy.
The room was empty, causing his heart to skip a beat. Dread filled his veins as he thundered down the hall with all intents and purposes of screaming Sasuke's name until the boy showed his face.
He had told his Otouto to stay where he was, but it appeared his words were ignored. Irritation built in his system, overflowing like water in a broken dam.
"Fuck!" Itachi hissed underneath his breath as he pushed open the bathroom door. Nothing. He was ready to head downstairs to raid every room when he stopped short in front of his own bedroom upon hearing quiet breaths.
Itachi froze and slowly turned to his ajar door, hand reaching up to brush it open as if he was afraid any hasty movements would cause a massive catastrophe.
And there his Otouto was curled up in Itachi's bed with something black pressed to his chest. Quietly, he moved forward until he stood bedside, hovering over the sleeping boy.
Judging by the dry stains on Sasuke's cheeks, the boy had cried himself to sleep while hugging tightly onto one of Itachi's hoodies. Itachi didn't recall leaving one on the bed when he was picking up his laundry in his room earlier that day, so the boy must have rummaged through his closet to grab it.
Sasuke had his nose buried into it as if he was self-soothing with Itachi's scent, and when Itachi leaned over to swipe his spikes away from his forehead, Sasuke's grip on the hoodie tightened as if he was afraid it'd be taken away.
Itachi sighed. "Geez. How can I stay mad at you when you look like that?" he whispered, fondness coating his words like chocolate over strawberries. He sat down and watched his Otouto sleep. "Did you come here because you knew that's what I wanted, or because you were afraid I was still mad?"
Sasuke's brows furrowed in his sleep and he curled up even further in his fetal position, shoving half of his face into Itachi's hoodie. "Nnn… Aniki…" he said in his sleep, rubbing his face against the bundle. "… love… so much…."
Any anger left in Itachi's bones melted away. A soft, gentle air surrounded his being as a look of full adoration was set on the boy. "How come you can't be this honest when you're awake?" Itachi looked sad. "Love Aniki as much as Aniki loves you, okay?"
When the tips of his finger skimmed Sasuke's soft cheek, the boy's brows straightened out and a serene expression was left in its place.
"This is why I can't leave you alone. You're so defenseless," Itachi murmured, fingers trailing over to stroke Sasuke's hair. "You're Aniki's good boy, so stay that way forever, okay?"
Sasuke sighed contently, causing Itachi's features to turn slightly glum.
"Don't hate Aniki for being overprotective," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the boy's forehead. "I'll love you forever and every lifetime to come, so don't hate me, okay?"
After minutes of just staring at Sasuke's peaceful, slumbering face, Itachi climbed into bed, too. While holding onto the boy's hands, he, too, fell asleep.
