It was like a bomb went off but instead of a ringing in his ears there was only an echo of Kim's ragged, terrified breath as she read the text, which was just as bad as any scream. She didn't look to him as she pushed Adam aside to get behind the wheel but her partner did as he switched places with her, looking just as shocked and fearful. A dad whose kid was in danger and didn't know how to help. He looked trusting too, Cas had said that neither of them were hurt and they all trusted her, even Kim though it was understandable her maternal instincts were taking over. But once she saw that Mak was okay he was sure she would be too. But Tess…
He hadn't realized he'd been frozen in place until their car roared to life and as it screeched out of the lot he shared a glance with Kevin before they jumped inside his truck. "Cas-"
"I just reiterated to Kim that Tess and Makayla are both fine." She said after giving them the address and despite hearing it once already he repeated it, another silent echo he hoped would keep him calm. "They do not have a single bump or scratch on them, and in fact Makayla seems to be enjoying herself."
Small blessings.
"And Tess?"
"She is… understandably unnerved."
"What happened?" Kev asked quietly but despite the apprehension in his voice his face was steady and determined, two traits he willed himself to embody as the AI continued.
"They decided to go out for ice cream after dinner. While on the way… I have not spoken to her but I reviewed all available footage and if Tess had not intervened another car would have been totaled and it's driver likely dead."
That word ran on repeat through his mind too but this time it was hollow and quiet as it was Kevin's slow inhale told him he was thinking the same thing. That whatever good whatever Tess's intervention had done it would not stop her from blaming herself for whatever bad had happened too. Whatever could have happened.
Couldn't she ever catch a fucking break?
It took a moment to clear his throat enough so he could speak, distantly grateful for the fist Kev bumped against his arm in solidarity. "What did she do?"
"She took the hit."
Of course she had. He'd known before asking, there were a limited number of options and they'd all joked about how her SUV was a tank and if it hadn't been or if she'd been in a different car he didn't think she would have done it. But that wouldn't matter to her. Because she had done it and on her own that would be one thing but with Mak in the car…
"We got her." His partner said quietly and again Jay appreciated it.
He just didn't know how much good it would do. Tess was always good at taking the blame, regardless of whether it should rest on her and she'd already been having a rough week after granting Arlo's 'favour' and dealing with this on top of it… It was not going to be easy.
Not in the slightest.
Cas informed them that she wouldn't loop in Voight and the others until they were back on land, by which time it would likely all be sorted, at least for tonight but she had called Platt. He wasn't surprised to see she'd gotten there first, they'd been roughly the same distance and he was sure the AI had been giving them all green lights but Trudy Platt didn't mess about when it came to family. It meant more than he was comfortable expressing that she now included Tess among that number but when hers was the first gaze he met, even as Kim was already running over to her, to Makayla where she sat on the back of 51's engine Jay knew this was bad. He followed her eyes to find his girl, just beside them but conveniently located in a shadow, stepping further into it to avoid him when he came up beside them.
Definitely bad.
And then Tess stepped into the light to answer Kim's question about what had happened, the war of instincts on his friends' face, mother vs cop a special stab and it got even more.
"I took the hit. I saw the accident about to happen and I knew my car could take it so… I did."
It was clear her and Adam had figured that but hearing it still shocked them, not really Adam who was already surveying the scene with understanding. And even a hint of admiration.
But Kim...
"With her in the car?" She asked quietly and he knew it wasn't fair, knew she'd feel the same later but he hated her for asking.
Tess didn't, she fucking raised her chin, not in pride but a soldier accepting punishment. "Yes."
She said it so simply, but hoarsely, the strain of trying to keep it together and immediately he saw Kim's guilt but Tess had already turned to leave and because they were all watching her none of them noticed Makayla jump down until she was darting towards her.
"Wait!"
Tess caught her right before she would've smacked into her and his friends sharp breaths told him they saw the split second of absolute heartbreak on her face as she did, and the short exhales as it was quickly mastered told him they were finally understanding the work it took to keep that control.
And the cost.
"They can't be mad! You protected everyone, and plus we only left the house because Adam ate the last of the ice cream! It's not your fault!" Makayla cried and his heart fucking shattered watching the love of his life smile at the little girl.
"You listen to me okay? They have every right to be mad. They're your parents and it's their job to take care of you."
"But you-"
"No buts." Tess said with an easy shake of her head and though it had been his analogy Jay found himself longing to be in the multiverse where she got to be a mom. "Now I want you to finish that ice cream, which I'm amazed hasn't melted, and let them give you as many hugs as they want okay? Because this was really scary for them."
Mak just nodded before giving her a tight hug and that control flicked again before she got herself together, turning her back to her parents whom she gave another solemn nod to. "I'm very sorry."
Just like that she was gone and he followed, exchanging brief but full looks with his friends, each of which made him feel a little better but none of which helped him now. He got them out of the neighborhood before turning to her but his mouth had barely opened before she cut him off. "Tess-"
"Don't." She said quietly, numb but so consciously aware, a state he'd rarely seen her in before.
Recently.
"Tess-"
"Don't or I swear I'm going to jump the fuck out."
It wasn't loud.
Or angry or scared but while it did come out in a whoosh…
It was a statement.
And he took it seriously. So Jay withdrew his hand and drove, only allowing himself to look at her out of the corner of his eye but even then not often; he knew when to push her and he knew when not to. There was no point in torturing either of them even more than they were already doing to themselves. Of course he still hoped she would open up but they remained that way right up until she did a dead man's walk into the pool, the bubbles of her muffled screams a taunting reminder of how much she felt she couldn't express. She was only in the water a few minutes and came out just as emotionless, visually anyway, just more exhausted as she stripped down and stepped into the robe he'd had waiting, padding just in front of him as she led the way to bed. Still she said nothing, didn't even pet Aelin when she jumped up beside her, the cat looking between them before she curled up by her head. Tess didn't even look at him, not as he too stripped down and not as he crawled in beside her, her gaze blankly locked on the ceiling so he did the same, forcing his fingers to stay still and not inch towards her. All he could do was pray that tomorrow would be a better day.
