Present Day
Forty-two.
Forty-two.
Forty-two.
Forty-two.
Forty-
"Nineteen!"
"Good job." She told Mak with a big grin, returning the girls high five before she returned to the next question on her math homework.
Of all the subjects she needed help with.
Actually she'd needed some help with her English assignment too but apparently despite being thirty-six, and a genius, Tess was fucking horrible at remembering the difference between a verb, an adverb, and an adjective. It had felt lovely to be corrected by a seven-year-old. She was also pretty bad at remembering not to curse in front of children, she'd dropped a couple of shits already, and one unfortunate but accurate fuck when she'd stubbed her toe on their coffee table. But each time Makayla just giggled and told her not to worry because Adam swore more, especially because he would usually curse twice, once at the initial affront and then again if Kim caught him. Which the young girl told her she did more often than not so hopefully her new guardians wouldn't mind her slip-ups.
She was a little surprised they'd asked her to watch Mak tonight, she'd gone with her and Kim to the park a handful of times but this was the first time they'd spent time together one on one. Tess wouldn't lie, being with her was giving her little twinges in her heart, in her uterus, that longing to have a daughter of her own she'd come to accept would never go away. But while she hadn't had her period again, and was not looking forward to when it came back, she had also accepted that it was a dream that wouldn't come true. Not for her and Jay, not this version of them anyway but she took comfort in his belief that their alternate selves were getting to experience the joys of parenthood, in whatever version of the multiverse it happened it.
She had enough to deal with in this one.
Tonight was when Arlo's shipment was due to arrive and by every rule she had set she should be there, not because she needed to be but because she should be but…
She didn't want to face him.
It was cowardly, and no doubt whatever excuse Jay gave for her absence he and Clark would wonder how badly his question had hurt her. He would never apologize for it, he might've been extra polite and friendly in his texts since but his pride was too strong and honestly he was right- there was nothing more powerful than the truth. And she needed to face hers.
"Why would they have you add, then subtract, then add again?"
Just not right now.
Snickering at the girls very valid question Tess could do nothing but shrug. "Because they're sadistic."
"What does that mean?"
"That they like to hurt other people."
"Mr. Taylor definitely likes hurting us with this homework." Makayla mumbled but she didn't try to get out of it. She was a smart kid, hardworking and kind, and traumatized, and though she got answer twinge she leaned in to help her with the next question.
Thirty minutes later her homework was done and it was time to eat, homemade pizza which the girl had a lot of fun with. Apparently Adam's favourite dish to make was fettucine alfredo, and his secret ingredient was adding extra cream, whereas Kim liked meals that were more balanced, like big salads or chicken or porkchops with veggies. According to Mak she was a real stickler for eating your vegetables. But as happy as the little girl was to talk about them and to hear about some of her favourite things to cook, along with the weirdest things she had ever eaten, which was a long list that resulted in a lot of squeals and scrunched up faces, she could see a sadness in her. One that though distant she recognized immediately. Intimately.
Not just a longing for a home-cooked meal but for a meal cooked at home.
A home that wasn't there anymore.
"Have you ever heard the word hiraeth before?" She asked tentatively while they were finishing up the dishes, her washing and Mak drying.
"Mmm, no. What does it mean?"
"It's a Welsh word." Tess said slowly, desperately hoping this wouldn't upset her, or worse, ruin the bond that was forming between them. "It means… it's another word for homesick, except it's for a home that you can't go back to, or maybe one that never was."
Fuck.
Seven years old and yet Makayla's soft brown eyes were full of such sadness, such understanding that she looked a hundred.
"You lost a home too?" She asked quietly and her throat was so sick she had to nod, motioning for the girl to follow her back to the table.
"I did. I moved to Chicago after I lost both my parents."
"How old were you?"
"Seventeen. A lot older than you."
"I don't think that makes it easier." Makayla said wisely and she couldn't help smiling even as she shook her head.
"No, it doesn't. I lost my parents in a car accident which I know is not as violent as how you lost your family but it's still something I think about."
The little girl nodded but was quiet, staring at the table for a minute until her gaze flicked back to hers. "Does it hurt as bad?"
"No." Tess answered quietly and finally gave into that twinge in her heart to take her hand. "It still hurts to know they're gone but now when I miss them it's… I feel all the love I have for them. I'm able to remember the good times and smile."
"I miss my mom." Mak whispered, almost like she was afraid to admit it and she quickly brought her in for a hug, pained but grateful when she gripped back tightly.
For a few minutes they were quiet and she worried again she'd made a mistake bringing this up but Makayla smiled at her when she finally pulled away, damn near breaking her heart when she wiped away her tears and she followed suit by brushing her own cheeks. Tess hadn't even felt herself cry.
"If you ever want to talk about this stuff, I'm here okay? And I hope you know you can always talk to Kim and Adam. I know they aren't your parents but they love you a lot."
"I know." She said with a definitive nod, her smile back to being bright and innocent. "They talk a lot about us being a family. A 'modern' family. Sometimes they try to act like they aren't together but I've seen them kissing."
The laugh just burst out of her and Makayla grinned, that mischievous glint of a child. "Alright, enough of the heavy stuff. How do you feel about watching a movie? I'd say you deserve some dessert too. What do you think of ice cream?"
"I love it! But we don't have any. Adam ate the last of it. He said it was an accident but he eats a lot at night."
Of course he had.
That was very easy to picture. And to remedy.
"Well then, we can't have a movie without ice cream. What do you say we go out and get some?"
"Really?" Makayla asked excitedly, all traces of sadness gone now; if only it was always that easy.
"Really. Grab your jacket and shoes and we'll head out!"
With a whoop the little girl scrambled to get ready, dancing from foot to foot beside her as they made their way out of the apartment and down to her car. It was a bit of a drive to the nearest Dairy Queen but once she'd told Mak that was her favourite nothing else would do for her and since she'd checked to make sure the deal with Arlo was done, as smoothly as he'd promised, she decided it was okay. Anything to see that big grin in her rearview mirror as Mak straight up devoured her Oreo Blizzard, making her go slow on her Reese's Peanut Butter Cup so that they'd have something to share during the movie. They were in the middle of debating what they should watch, having narrowed it down to three, Lilo and Stitch, Anastasia and Balto, two of her favourites which Mak had never seen, when Tess saw something else.
She took in the scene before she could consciously realize she was doing so but by then it was too late. Without any thought to the consequences of her actions her foot slammed on the gas and three seconds later her front bumper smashed into the trunk of the Honda civic in front of them. Just in time to push it out of the way of the box-truck that drove into them instead.
