A terrified, childish scream split the air and all the instincts that had made her do what she just had turned to a rapidly growing horror as a second scream followed when the force of the impact sent them into a light pole.
What have I done?
What have I done?
How could I have done that?
What am I?
Frantic, gasping breaths had Tess shoving those thoughts back and whipping around to Makayla, shoving them back, back, back as she took in the panicked way the little girl was staring at the seat in front of her. "Makayla? Makayla look at me. That's right, I'm right here okay?"
Her breaths calmed slightly when her eyes met hers but her chest was still heaving and tears were gathered at the corners of her eyes and slipping down her cheeks and all she wanted was to scream too.
But she couldn't.
She didn't deserve to.
"We're okay. I want you to look at the car and you're going to see that we're okay. We are totally okay."
With the deep breaths Kim had told her she'd taught the younger girl to help with her nightmares Makayla started looking around, scared at first until she saw what Tess had known, what she was telling herself was why she'd done what she had. They were okay. There was no twisted metal, no burning oil or broken glass, nothing the little girl had been expecting, nothing she was remembering- the windows that had taken the brunt of the hit didn't even have cracks. It was a tank.
But little kids didn't belong in tanks.
"My ice cream didn't even spill!" Mak exclaimed and the amazement and awe when she looked at Tess made some kind of strangled noise slip out but she swallowed it before she could sense her distress and shot a smile at her.
"See? Told you we were okay."
Liar.
Liar, liar, liar.
This was anything but okay.
Hands on the car startled them both, it was barely past seven so there'd been a lot of witnesses, a lot of people who were going to have questions and with another swallow she finally unbuckled herself and crawled into the back to help Makayla. The truck was still pressed against the left side of the car and they'd hit the light pole at just the right angle that they couldn't open the doors, and because the force of the truck and her tank had snapped it in half they had to get out through the trunk. At least it hadn't been a telephone pole or they'd have electrical wires to deal with too. The crowd that had gathered was quick to usher them away and after informing them fire and ambulance had been called and assuring themselves they were alright, and being assured that it was normal for military contractors to drive armoured vehicles, most of them went back to whatever they'd been doing. Most of them. There was still the truck driver who'd already apologized a dozen times, he'd thought he could make the yellow, and the owner of the Honda civic who was grateful for her intervention but still wondering who was going to pay for their repairs. And of course a few other busybodies but she was tuning them out.
But not Mak. The little girl was everywhere she looked, excitedly telling everyone who would listen that they were okay, that she'd been scared at first but it was okay because Tess was a hero, she'd saved that other car and look.
Her ice cream hadn't even split.
She seemed completely fine now, and oblivious to the turmoil inside her, thank fuck, but when 51 showed up, because of course they'd be the ones to respond Stella Kidd and Christopher Hermann had taken one look at her and known. She was grateful to the older firefighter when he brought Mak over to show her their engine, and to the new lieutenant when she told everyone else to focus on clearing the scene instead of commenting on what she'd done. They'd been giving her compliments but all it did was make her want to scream and even though she was keeping herself in check she knew Stella could tell. So could Trudy when she arrived, just a few minutes ahead of the others and Tess had to dig her nails into her palms to stay focused when she stepped out of her patrol car.
"Hey-"
"Don't." The older woman halted at her sharp tone but the soft one she'd used had pulled it out of her and with a short look Tess made it clear that she would not accept any kind words. Anything that tried to make what she had done okay because it was not.
She wouldn't have accepted the firm hand on her shoulder either if 51 hadn't been watching but she didn't want to make a scene, never wanted to make trouble even though she couldn't fucking stop herself.
She could have.
Five years ago, fifteen, twenty.
But the truth was she liked trouble. She'd just finally gotten old enough to care about the consequences.
"Sunshine!"
It fucking hurt to hear Mak call Trudy by the nickname she'd given her, to see her showing off her ice cream, again, and she had to shove her nails back into her palms when the next buzz of her ring was followed by the frantic slam of a car door.
"Makayla!?"
Nothing hurt as bad as Kim's shout, the panic of a mother and she watched numbly as she and Adam rushed to her, ignoring Jay and Kevin as they followed and outright sidestepping Jay's hand as she came to a stop in front of the parents.
"Are you okay? What happened?"
"I took the hit." Both Kim and Adam blinked at her and she felt the same shock coming from the others but she kept her focus on them. "I saw the accident about to happen and I knew my car could take it so… I did."
Adam looked immediately to her car and whatever tension seeing Mak hadn't relieved seeing it did but Kim…
Her head shook slowly as her face crumpled with confusion and betrayal. "With her in the car?"
"Yes." She said quickly before anyone could interrupt, because they all looked like they wanted to but they shouldn't.
Kim deserved to be angry at her.
She deserved it.
And she didn't deserve any of this.
"Wait!"
Tess hadn't realized she'd gone to leave until Mak was rushing for her and on instinct she caught her, those fucking instincts that damned as well as saved, just like the little girl healed as much as she broke.
"They can't be mad, you protected everyone, and plus we only left the house because Adam ate the last of the ice cream! It's not your fault!" Mak cried, for the first time since the initial accident upset and it took everything in her not to start screaming.
"You listen to me okay?" She said quietly, mostly because her throat was so thick she was either about to cry or throw up. "They have every right to be mad. They're your parents and it's their job to take care of you."
"But you-"
"No buts. Now I want you to finish that ice cream, which I'm amazed hasn't melted, and let them give you as many hugs as they want okay? Because this was really scary for them."
"Okay." The little girl whispered before throwing her arms around her neck, so tight it choked her.
She didn't trust herself to breathe so she just stood and nudged her back to her parents, forcing herself to look them in the eye. "I'm very sorry."
That was all she had left so she hurried for Jay's truck, trusting that Cas would sort hers out once everything was cleared; he was only a beat behind her and he stayed quiet as he drove off but of course it didn't last.
Nothing good ever did.
"Tess-"
"Don't."
"Tess-"
"Don't or I swear I'm going to jump the fuck out." Tess snapped and while she wasn't strong enough to look him in the eye she could clearly see his shock, and the answering hurt before he nodded and put his hand back on the wheel.
Neither of them spoke for the rest of the drive, or when they got to the Tower, or as they rode the elevator up. Even when they arrived he just silently followed her down the hall and stood by the pools edge, watching as she jumped in and let the water swallow all her screams.
