Remus had Transfiguration last that day, which was a very bad class to skive.

But here Remus was, skiving, holed up in the dormitory while his friends attended Transfiguration like good students (not that they were). He lay on the floor, idly throwing a ball up into the air and catching it, watching it ascend and descend with a single-minded focus.

McGonagall, who generally did not stand for unexcused absences, was going to kill him. First, she was going to go to Madam Pomfrey and make sure Remus hadn't unexpectedly fallen ill. Then, she was going to go to Professor Manard and ask what had happened. Professor Manard would make up a good lie, probably, or say that the Boggart had upset Remus to the point of illness… Remus wasn't sure, but something like that was certainly going to happen. And then McGonagall would hunt down Remus and lecture him about responsibility, or even worse, perhaps she'd lecture him about depression, and Remus didn't want that.

But he didn't want to face her, either. Not like this. Not when he'd just found out that his life (which he'd had as long as he could remember and was quite attached to) was on the line. Sal Manard held Remus' reputation in his hands, and now he also held Remus' life.

It was stupid, the reasons werewolves were executed. Remus had heard of a werewolf being killed by the Ministry merely because she'd worked in close proximity to humans and had been accused of "causing them mental distress". It was ridiculous, and Remus knew that a threat was certainly grounds for execution, especially if one of the most famous werewolf hunters in the world was doing the accusing. Maybe not that exact threat with the Boggart, not all by itself, but it was something that Manard could add to a long list of other minor things, and then…

Remus threw the ball so hard that it crashed against the ceiling and hit Remus in the face on the way down. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," Remus muttered. "How could I have been so stupid?"

He lied there for a few moments, pain blossoming across his face, and then his heightened senses picked up someone walking down the corridor to his room. "Professor McGonagall?" Remus said, sitting up as quickly as he could as the figure approached the door.

She didn't sound happy. "Yes, it's me. Please let me in."

Remus only hesitated a moment before standing up and opening the door for her. "Why are you here?" he asked. He rubbed the bruise across his eye. "Aren't you supposed to be teaching a class?"

"I'm here to check on you. Yes, I am supposed to be teaching a class, but they're quietly working on an assignment. Why aren't you doing the same?"

"I… erm. Didn't feel like going to class."

She sighed. "How did you get the mark?"

"What?"

"On your face. You have a red mark. It looks like it'll bruise."

"Oh. Well, I was throwing a ball up and down to pass the time, and it sort of fell on my eye. I feel fine, though."

"You've been getting hurt a lot recently."

"I've been careless."

"Hm." McGonagall stared at Remus, eyes squinted, and then she said, "Will you promise to stay put if I leave for a moment?"

"You don't want to bring me back to class?"

"No. I'll take thirty points from Gryffindor, and you'll have a detention with me this evening."

"Can't. I'm meeting with Professor Flitwick."

"Ah, yes, I did hear about that. Night after?"

"No, I have a detention with Professor Dumbledore."

McGonagall squinted at him. "We'll do it right now, then."

"What?"

"You heard me. Now, back to my previous question: may I leave you alone for a moment?"

"Erm, of course. I'll stay."

"Good. I'll be back in no more than ten minutes."

She disappeared, and Remus was left standing alone in his dormitory, wondering what on earth had just happened.


She returned less than ten minutes later. "I've gotten someone to cover my class," she said briskly. "Now, let's see that list you have from Madam Pomfrey. I hear she gave you a rather unusual prescription."

"How do you know that?"

"We're friends."

"But… that's… private medical information! I don't want everyone knowing about that!"

McGonagall's lips pressed into a very thin line. "Firstly, I am offended that you think I would do anything less than savory with the information. Secondly, may I remind you that Hogwarts does not have a patient-Healer confidentiality rule? Thirdly, I would like to point out that the teachers need to know about your situation in order to make the proper accommodations."

"They all know?!"

"I'm sure they all suspect, based on the way you're acting. But no, Madam Pomfrey has merely told them that you're 'going through a tough time' and 'need some additional leeway'. In this day and age, that could mean anything."

"But…"

"Lupin, you are not the first depressed student to grace the Hogwarts grounds. It's a very common disorder, and the teachers know that students have bad days. We do expect you to do the bare minimum, however, and you cannot just skip your classes whenever you feel like it. If you need a day off, you go to Madam Pomfrey and get it excused. Understood?"

"Understood," Remus mumbled.

"Good. Now let's see that list of yours."

Remus pulled the slightly-crumpled list out of his pocket and handed it to Professor McGonagall. "Here," he said. "It's not much, but it feels like a lot."

She frowned at the list, tracing her fingers across the ink. "And you're to do them in order?"

"That's what Madam Pomfrey implied, yes."

"Pity, because you've already accomplished the third item. Something stupid. I'd say skiving counts as stupid, wouldn't you?"

Remus exhaled forcefully—not quite a laugh, but almost. "Maybe," he said.

"All right… I'm assuming the piano concerto in the Great Hall was something loud, so now we're on something unexpected, correct?"

"We?"

"I'm helping you with this one. Put on your shoes."

"Why?"

"Because we're going outdoors. Just because you're not in class doesn't mean you don't have to use your brain."

"No, I mean… why are you helping?"

"I'm your Head of House and your professor, Mr. Lupin. Why wouldn't I help you?"

Remus wasn't sure how to respond to that, so he put on his shoes and tried to prepare himself for whatever was ahead.


Remus would never understand how Professor McGonagall walked so quickly.

She was wearing heels, so logically, it didn't make sense that she would be faster than Remus. But here they were, walking across Hogwarts grounds, and Remus was struggling to keep up. "Where are we going?" he asked, panting in the chilly October air. "You haven't told me yet."

"Of course I haven't told you yet. If I told you, then it wouldn't be very unexpected, now would it?"

"I don't know. I'd say all this is still pretty unexpected, actually."

"And, fortunately for you, it's about to get even more so. Follow closely, now. And take care not to trip."

They walked for a while, through pathways, onto the grounds, and past the Whomping Willow. Remus couldn't help staring at it for a moment; delicately, it swayed in the breeze for a moment… and then a bird flew through the air and landed on the branches. There was a brief moment of stillness, and then the branch spun violently, knocking the bird away. It went flying, gained its composure in midair, and then flapped away disdainfully.

Remus looked in horror at McGonagall, who was looking straight ahead. "Did you see that?" he asked.

"See what?"

"The… the Whomping Willow. A bird landed on the branch, and…! It knocked it off! It could have killed the bird! How many things has that thing killed?"

"Exactly zero," said McGonagall. "The Whomping Willow can be violent, but it is also typically fairly gentle. It will not stand for anything landing on it, which most birds have learned by now, but it won't kill a living thing unless it absolutely must."

"Unless it must? There's no reason for killing a living thing!" Remus thought about that for a moment, and then he wilted. "Oh. You mean me. The Whomping Willow might kill me if I tried to escape."

"Of course not. The branches are only on the outside of the tree, you silly child, and Professor Dumbledore's charms would never allow you to escape the Shack. No, it won't kill you, but it might kill a student stupid enough to receive multiple warnings and still try to enter the passage. And since no reasonable student would do that, I see no reason that you should worry."

"But…"

"Lupin, if I may be frank with you: even a very hard blow from that tree is safer than you on the full moon. And again, no student or animal would be stupid enough to annoy the Whomping Willow enough for the tree to issue a lethal blow. That sort of thing is very difficult to do. The tree is effective and mostly harmless. Now please keep walking and stop worrying."

Remus looked down. Sure enough, his feet were firmly planted on the ground, and he hadn't been walking for a solid couple of minutes. "Sorry," he said quietly, and then he kept walking.

"You are a very thoughtful person," McGonagall said, still looking straight ahead. "Most of the time, this is to your benefit. Sometimes, it only adds to your anxiety. I understand that you want to protect everyone, but in doing so, you tend to assume the absolute worst about people. Trust them. Trust them to be clever rather than stupid, self-preserving enough to value their lives, and a little more than a helpless husk that you must protect at all costs. People tend to get rather offended when you worry about them stupidly walking into a murder tree instead of trusting them a little bit."

"Now I feel guilty for two reasons," Remus mumbled.

"Don't. It'll eat you alive, as you've been learning over the past couple of weeks. Keep walking."

Remus, who had stopped once again, forced his legs to move. He and McGonagall walked in silence until they reached Hogsmeade, and Remus did not look at the Whomping Willow again.


When they arrived at the village, Remus couldn't help looking around, trying to figure out which building they would enter. Yet they walked past every building that Remus had entered in the past: the bookshop, the Three Broomsticks, and the Quidditch supplies shop. "Where are we going?" he asked again, but McGonagall still refused to tell him.

They walked on and on. Some people on the streets waved at McGonagall, who nodded in return. One man tried to talk to her, but she offered nothing more than brief greetings under the explanation that she was busy.

They walked and walked, and then they reached the gate that served at the exit from Hogsmeade. Remus stopped, expecting to turn, but McGonagall walked right through it.

She noticed that Remus was no longer following her and turned around. "Do you need to rest?" she asked.

"No! I'm only… confused. I thought you said we were going to Hogsmeade."

"We did go to Hogsmeade," she said, "and now we are going to keep walking. Follow, please."

Remus did, albeit reluctantly. He had never been so confused in his life. "Who's teaching your class?" he asked.

"Mr. Filch is watching them as they complete an independent assignment."

"Oh. James and Sirius must be giving him a very hard time."

"I do not doubt it. But Filch can handle it, especially since I have temporarily granted him power to give detentions."

"That's… dangerous," said Remus, who happened to know that Filch hated children enough to hand out about fifty detentions an hour.

"Well," McGonagall replied, "I think it's going to be quite funny. Now, we're going to take a left here, and then we'll have arrived."

They took a left, and the first thing that Remus saw was a tiny cottage. "That can't be it," he said. "Is that someone's house?"

"That is it," said McGonagall. "It's no one's house. This is the local Floo Center. Have you ever seen a Floo Center before?"

"Not like this. I've only seen the row of fireplaces in Ministry headquarters."

"This is quite different. These fireplaces have specially-designed Floo Powder that leads to specific areas—sometimes international, but international Flooing costs extra. We're going to enter this cottage and Floo somewhere."

"Where?"

"I am not going to tell you. It has to be unexpected, remember?"

Remus sighed and followed her into the cottage; almost immediately upon entering, he was struck by how huge it was.

Even though the cottage looked rather small on the outside, the inside was about the size of the Great Hall. People bustled around, disappearing into fireplaces and waiting in line by the front desk. McGonagall led Remus to the line, and Remus stared around the place, head reeling, as they waited.

"Why are there parrots on the ceiling?" he asked.

McGonagall looked up at the vines and branches spread across the ceiling, where the colorful parrots perched on each branch like ornaments on a Christmas tree. "They're trained," she said. "Watch."

Through the long line, Remus could just barely see the welcome-witch at the front desk wave her wand in the air. Pink sparks shot up, and a pink parrot flew from the branches on the rafters, carrying a pink pouch in its beak—the welcome-witch took it, and the parrot flew back up to its perch, chattering excitedly.

"The Floo Powder is kept in the rafters to prevent people from stealing it," said McGonagall. "The Floo Center staff discovered rather quickly that thieves are quite hard to catch when they can travel anywhere in the world."

"But most people can Apparate away regardless, and I haven't heard of any other services that keep their wares on the ceiling."

"Yes, well," said McGonagall with a shrug, "the Floo Powder is expensive, and the parrots look nice. They fit the aesthetic."

Remus nodded vaguely, still staring at the scenery. "Why not just Apparate? Why use Floo?"

"Family trips, because Side-Along Apparition is difficult. Long-distance travel, because Apparition can be quite tiring. Those who never received their license to Apparate also prefer Floo, as do those who are underage."

"I see."

"In our case, it is both because of the distance and because you've never been here before. Therefore, it is more unexpected."

"I have a feeling Madam Pomfrey won't be terribly strict with the list."

"I have a feeling she expects you to go above and beyond as much as possible, just as I do with my students."

The line moved forward slowly, and Remus followed McGonagall. It was another ten minutes of slightly-awkward silence before they reached the front of the line. "Two blues, please," McGonagall told the welcome-witch, and the welcome-witch nodded and pointed her wand at the sky.

A periwinkle-colored parrot swooped down and dropped two bright blue pouches into the palm of McGonagall's hand. "This way, then," said McGonagall, stalking off toward a fireplace.

"Where does it lead to?" Remus asked.

McGonagall shook her head. "You might as well stop asking." She handed a pouch to Remus, and she tossed the powder in her own pouch toward the flames. "Do the same," she instructed before walking into the fireplace and disappearing.

Remus hesitated for a while, feeling utterly alone. Then he removed the bright blue powder from his pouch, threw it toward the flames, and walked inside.

The next thing he knew, he was stepping out of a fireplace in the middle of the woods. "Why is there a fireplace in the middle of the woods?" he asked McGonagall, who was sitting on a stone bench.

"For convenience," she replied simply. "Muggles don't often come here, so no one questions it."

"Where are we?"

"Stop asking, please." McGonagall stood up. "Keep following me."

Remus sighed. The woods were gorgeous, yes, but he liked knowing where he was going.

Birds chirped overhead, and Remus was beginning to feel very warm in his robes. It was unbelievably hot in these woods, which only added to Remus' strange body temperature during certain times of the month due to the full moon. Since McGonagall already knew about his condition, he figured it would be all right to roll up his sleeves a little—she'd visited him in the Hospital Wing before, so the awful scars certainly wouldn't bother her, and Remus really did feel faint from the heat.

He started rolling up his right sleeve, and McGonagall turned around and stopped. Stared. Tilted her head.

"I-I'm sorry, I was only feeling a little bit hot and dizzy," Remus stammered, letting go of his sleeve. "I was just going to push them up a little, since it's only the two of us…."

"Hm," said McGonagall. "Probably not a good idea. It won't be the two of us for long. Hold on for just a moment—I promise you'll cool down soon."

What was that supposed to mean?

Remus pushed his sleeve down and kept walking. In about five minutes, they came across a man standing next to a river. "Here for the boat tour?" he said in a very strong accent.

"Indeed we are," said McGonagall.

Remus looked at her with wide eyes. "A boat tour?" he asked. "Where are we?"

"This is Peru," the man said. "Montag River. It is a wizarding river, hidden from Muggles. The boat is here." He pointed toward a rickety-looking wooden boat and grinned. "Are we ready?"

"Absolutely," said McGonagall. She lifted her skirt slightly and stepped inside the boat. "Right here, Lupin."

Remus stared. "Seriously?" he said, awestruck. "You took me to Peru for a boat tour?"

"Not just any boat tour," she said. "Step in."

"This is unexpected," Remus said, stepping into the boat carefully. "Madam Pomfrey will be ecstatic."

"Oh, it's about to get a lot more unexpected," said McGonagall.

"What?"

Suddenly, the boat took off. It wasn't a peaceful boat tour through a beautiful river, like Remus had expected—no, this was a wildly fast boat tour that seemed to go faster than James' broomstick. It zoomed down the river, past gorgeous flowers and trees, and Remus held on as tightly as he could. "Oh dear," he muttered. "This is terrifying ohmygoshohmygosh getmeoff…."

"It gets worse," said McGonagall, and Remus could barely hear her over the rushing wind in his ears. "Cooled down yet?"

"That is the least of my worries." Suddenly, the boat was flying in the air. It had jumped over a branch—when Remus looked down, he only saw a massive chasm of rock with a river at the bottom. "We've got to be a hundred feet up," he whimpered.

"Two hundred," corrected McGonagall, and then the boat stopped in midair.

"This is the Montag Chasm," said the tour guide, but Remus was so flustered that he could hardly understand English. "Natives tell the story of a massive dragon creating this chasm with its wings in the seventeenth century. There are crocodiles at the bottom."

"There are what?" Remus cried, and then the boat began to drop straight down.

Remus clamped his teeth together, nearly hard enough to break them, and gripped the sides of the boat with crushing force as they descended. "I'mgonnadie," he babbled frantically. He looked over at McGonagall, who was smiling peacefully and looking at the scenery. Oddly enough, it was the happiest he'd ever seen her.

They landed in the water with a splash, and the bottom of the boat cracked. Water began to fill it up. "Oh," said the tour guide, "that happens sometimes. We'll have to swim."

"What about the crocodiles?!" babbled Remus, whose nose was telling him that one was relatively close by.

"Oh, they're perfectly docile. We've removed all their teeth, and we feed them well."

Somehow, that did not help assuage Remus' worries.

"Can you swim?" McGonagall asked Remus.

"Yes," said Remus, still shaking, watching the water reach his legs, "but I'm surprised you only just asked. What if I hadn't been able to swim? I only learned last summer."

McGonagall shrugged. "Then you'd learn now." She swung her legs over the side of the boat and slid into the water. "It'll cool you down," she said with a mischievous smile.

Remus sighed and escaped the sinking boat himself. A large fish swam past his hand, and he jumped. "What sort of fish is that? Does it bite?"

"Only if provoked," the tour guide said.

Remus looked at McGonagall, who was laughing. "This is horrible," he said.

"Unexpected," she corrected. "Now, here's the fun part."

The current was pushing them along the lake slowly, but then it sped up; gradually, they got faster and faster, and then Remus was rushing through whitewater at the speed of light. "What if I crash into a rock?" he shouted.

"Then you will have a nasty bruise in the morning," the tour guide shouted back.

They dashed through the water, and a fish flew into Remus' sleeve; he shook it out with a yelp, and it gave him a disdainful look that Remus barely caught in the spray of the whitewater.

And then they went over a waterfall.

Remus was flying, he was sliding, he was upside-down and then right-side-up, he was underwater and then touching nothing, and there was water in his nose, and he couldn't tell which way was up…

…and then he felt his head touch air again, once more above the surface, coughing and spluttering as the river water tickled the inside of his nose. "I can't believe I survived that," he panted, gazing at the sharp rocks all around him. "Oh my goodness. Fiddlesticks. Oh, dear. I could have died."

"There are Sponge Charms on those rocks," said the tour guide.

"Still!"

McGonagall swam over to Remus and plucked a fish out of his hair. "Only one more stop on the tour," she said.

"What?"

"Just ahead," said the tour guide.

They swam into a large lake, and then Remus felt something moving underneath his feet. He whimpered.

"Back up," said the tour guide, pulling him away, and then a massive thing started rising out of the lake, water dripping from every surface… Remus himself was as big as the creature's eye, and the body of the thing took up nearly the whole lake.

"This," said the tour guide, "is Nessy."

"The Lock Ness Monster?" Remus gasped.

"No, idiot. The Lock Ness Monster is obviously a myth. No, this is a different Nessy, spelled with a 'Y', and she lives in Peru. She is a Baracuda."

"A barracuda?"

"No. A Baracuda. Only one R. A Baracuda is a very, very big fish. She is the size of one and a half blue whales, but she is good at hiding."

Remus gaped. Nessy blinked, and her eyelid seemed to shake the ground. "Does she eat people?" he asked.

"Very rarely."

"Rarely?"

Nessy was now eyeing Remus with distaste, and Remus wondered if she was afraid of him, a werewolf… "What are Baracudas afraid of?" he asked quietly.

"Nothing at all. They are massive. Even the most dangerous creatures would have a difficult time causing anything more than a papercut. Would you like to ride her? She is friendly."

"No," said Remus.

"Yes," said McGonagall. "Take us aboard."

A moment later, Remus was atop of a very large fish, riding through the ocean, perched inside a basket attached to her back. Suddenly, in the middle of the ocean, they stopped. "Take a moment to admire," the tour guide said.

Remus did.

The sun was high, and the water was a brilliant blue. The water lapped around Nessy gently, and Remus heard the spray of a whale in the distance. Birds cried, and fish jumped up and down around Nessy's body. The water sparkled like diamonds.

"It is gorgeous, no?" the tour guide whispered.

Remus gazed at the sky, where perfectly fluffy clouds floated by. "Yes," he said quietly, "it's gorgeous."

Silence.

Suddenly, Remus felt almost normal.

"You know what?" he said, fearing to speak the words out loud just in case he cursed himself with them, "I think this is a pretty good day."

McGonagall smiled. "Time to head back, then," she said to the tour guide, and then they zoomed toward the shore—and this time, it was actually fun—and landed on the beach. There was another fireplace, and McGonagall pulled another pouch of Floo out of her pocket. "This is regular Floo," she said. "You first. Say 'Minerva McGonagall's Office'."

Remus did, and he ended up exactly where he'd expected. He collapsed into a chair, still breathing heavily from the exhilaration, dripping wet from head to toe. McGonagall smiled. "Do you mind if I dry you off?"

"Not at all," panted Remus.

She waved her wand at him, and cool air blasted, drying his robes and skin almost instantaneously. Next, McGonagall fixed the rips in his clothing from the rocks and pressure, and Remus looked good as new within five minutes.

"Thank you," he said. "And not just for drying me off. For… everything. That was… so…" Remus couldn't quite find the words. Exhilarating? Strange? Beautiful? Surreal? Wet?

"Unexpected," said McGonagall with a smile. "Sometimes you need to break out of a routine, Remus. Sometimes you need to do things you've never done before. Whitewater swimming in Peru is, I take it, a new experience."

"Everything about that was a new experience," laughed Remus. It felt strange to laugh. "Thank you so much for taking the time to help me."

"That's what I am here for. If you'd ever like to go again—perhaps bring some friends—let me know. The Montag River in Peru is one of my favorite spots, and there are some more tours that are more intense."

"More intense?"

"Oh, yes. That was the one intended for small children."

"What?!" Remus shook his head. "I had no idea you were so adventurous, Professor."

"Well, there is a reason that I am head of Gryffindor House. I played Quidditch for five years at Hogwarts, and I've always loved thrills. If you ever need recommendations, I know plenty of good spots."

"I'm not sure I share your interest for thrills," said Remus, making a face, "but the ocean was beautiful. Perhaps I'll go back someday, just for a very slow boat ride. It was nice."

"It was." McGonagall looked at the clock. "It's nearly time for your Potions class. Do you intend to skive again?"

"Erm, no. I'll go. Might be hard to calm down and sit still, but that's better than not being able to force myself off the ground, I suppose."

She smiled. "I understand. I wish you the best of luck, Remus Lupin, and please come to me if you should ever need something unexpected. I am your Head of House, after all, and I am nearly always willing to help."

"I'll do that," said Remus.

He left, feeling a little bolder, a little more motivated, and very nearly ready to continue his list from Madam Pomfrey.