This was too good an opportunity to pass up. A radioactive deer, or mangy bear with horns was way better cryptid material than a dummy. We'd still use the prop as backup, but now we were on the hunt for a real creature.
The wind from last night covered its tracks, so the path that it took ended up being a stretch of dirt that pointed nowhere. We split—me and Neptune to the west, Sage and Scarlet to the east. They faded into a patch of brush while Nep and I hiked a hill, without stepping in poison ivy. We were nearing the peak when Neptune said, "Dude." He pointed to a security camera on one of the trees.
We looked right. Another camera was hitched to a tree at the top of the hill, ready to record whatever walked by. "What's with the security?" I hopped on the tree and started climbing. A sticky glob of sap got on my hand as I was scaling the branches. I frowned, then wiped it on top of the camera.
I peered into the lens and smiled wide. "Cheese!" From my vantage point I could see over the hill. There was a clearing with a cabin, debris and branches piled on the roof. A campsite grill was installed next to a foldout chair and a cooler, with beer cans, newspaper, and other trash strewn around the place. Oh, did I mention at least three more cameras? If this guy was so loaded, what was he doing out here?
Neptune was already walking into the campsite. I jumped along the trees to join him, and when I beat him to the other side, I saw a red pickup truck parked beside the cabin. That truck looked familiar.
The door burst open, and a flabby yet muscular man in a shirt and shorts gritted his teeth as he cradled a shovel. "Get off my lawn!" It was the guy who ran us off the road coming to Pyres Peak! I was surprised, because this had escalated so quickly, and because who actually says that?
Neptune put his hands up. "We weren't looking for trouble."
"Then don't go makin' any! This is MY property. MY neck of the woods. Ain't no one need to be here I didn't invite. Git."
I took a quick rundown. He wasn't quite 5'10, around 200 pounds, with more fat than muscle. His sandals would probably make it harder for him to run. But there was something to be said about size and fury, and he could easily turn that shovel into a projectile. I started walking backwards, keeping my voice firm. "It's your property, man. We didn't know. We're gonna leave you alone now."
"Over there."
"What?"
"Go over there. My property isn't over there." He tilted the shovel blade to a trail drop on the right.
"You're the man."
Old Jandy kept eyeing us as we left the premises. When we passed into the drop, he snarled something to himself and closed the cabin door. We looked at each other.
"Can you believe that guy?" said Neptune.
"Nope."
We chuckled and kept walking. We were on a steep trail surrounded by boulders and ferns. After failing to find any sign of the creature, we rounded back across the hill bottom and met up with the others where we split off. "No Goatman," Scarlet said.
The waterfall sounded like our best bet for a photo, so we headed there first. Sage and Scarlet went back to the cabin for the prop while Neptune and I went to figure out how to get it on the rock ledges in the canyon.
When the rushing of the waterfall grew louder in our ears, Neptune said, "Here we go, man. We're gonna scam that contest." He looked at the waterfall and balled his fists. When we got higher up the trail, his arms started to shake. When we were directly across the waterfall, I turned to look at it head-on. Huge, heavy sheets of water splashed me as they dropped from the edge of the cliff, crashing into a foaming pool that spilled over the canyon bottom. I could smell it, feel flecks of cold water hit my skin. Neptune's whole body was rattling now, and a couple seconds later he said, "You know, you probably can figure out the ledges on your own. Being so acrobatic and all. I'll catch up with the others and help them watch for other campers. Campers who might, uh, find us with a fake prop in the woods. Yeah, we could use an extra pair of eyes. Can't let anyone catch our fake. SEEYA."
He sped down the trail. Have I ever mentioned how ironic it is that a guy named Neptune is afraid of water? I watched him blur into the woods, then it was just me and the waterfall.
I stood in awe of it a little longer, then crouched to check out the ledges. They spread along the canyon at different heights, the closest ones lining up toward the waterfall. On the ledge next to it, I saw a blurred figure behind the water.
I squinted. It didn't take long to make out the black skirt, the cape. "Hey Ruby!" I called.
She looked up from her camera. "Whaaaat?"
I couldn't hear her. "WHAAAAAT?"
"WHAAAAAT?"
"WHAAAAAT?"
"WHAAAAAT?"
I jumped down to a ledge and came closer. Ruby leaped past the roaring waterfall, partially drenched from the spray. "I said what? I couldn't hear you."
"Oh. Neither could I."
The waterfall thundered behind us. "So what are you doing out here?" I asked.
Ruby held up her camera. "Paranormal investigation!"
Did great minds always have to think alike? I had to get her out of there before the guys got back. "You can't hear anything over this. How would you know something paranormal is around?"
"I don't have to hear it! I'll just sit and watch, like a sniper!"
And there we had it. When Ruby had her mind set on something, she was gonna stick it through. I was about to bounce out and warn the guys when Ruby jumped another ledge. She shuddered the moment she lifted off, I think from the waterfall's chill, and flailed through the air, barely scraping her heel on the edge of the next landing. The camera strap slipped over her head mid-air. I grabbed her, but that didn't stop the camera from pitching down the canyon.
"My camera!"
"Oh man, Ruby, I'm sorry."
But she pushed away from me and jumped onto a lower ledge. "Hey! What are you doing?"
"It's an Atlas industrial strength camera. It can't be broken by a fall! Besides, what if the film is intact?"
I looked back up at the trail. The canyon got deep, and no one would hear Ruby over the waterfall if something happened.
"Hang on!" I followed her drop as she caught her balance on another ledge. "I'm coming with you."
The platforms ended about thirty feet from the ground. I leaped off and landed with my tail swinging as Ruby slid down the rock face, which leaned into a slope. It was darker in the canyon, and colder.
"Whoa," Ruby whispered. "Totally cryptid territory."
I found the camera in my night vision. It had landed beside the river base flowing out from the waterfall. I brought it back to Ruby, but she was looking ahead into the canyon.
"Let's go see what's over there."
Normally I'd agree, if there weren't a bona fide hoax coming up anytime soon. "Maybe we should come back later."
"Too late!" In a flash of rose petals she was gone. My night vision saw her run into a boulder. I stuck my hands in my pockets and followed after her.
We walked along the river a while, not finding much besides rocks and ground, until a heavy, familiar scent started permeating from deeper in the canyon. Ruby smelled it too. "That is RANK! Do you think it's a paranormal opportunity?"
She was excited, but slowed in caution to not scare anything away, crouching behind another boulder to take stock of the scene. The smell was hanging over a small cave in the near distance. "Something lives in that cave," I said.
"Better turn on flash," said Ruby.
We ventured forward, passing brittle objects that looked like debris until I stepped on one. It crunched apart under my shoe while hitting more debris an eerily hollow clack, and a closer look made me realize. This place was littered with animal bones.
"Creepy. Whoa," Ruby whispered in half-fear and half-amazement.
I checked the bottom of my shoe. It was all bone—small miracles. We navigated around the bones closer to the cave, and pals, that smell. If the canyon was I don't think we could have taken it. We were at the mouth now, and Ruby didn't need night vision to see what I saw: a big, fuzzy figure curled on the cave floor, bdarkened by the shadows.
Its back was turned. As we listened, it took a light rumbly breath in, then a snorty breath out, its side rising and falling with the snores. We had the chance to get away unseen. We looked at each other, then walked a few steps closer to the sleeping creature.
The little light left from the top of the canyon blotted out when we entered the cave. Here there were rotting animal skeletons, and a big buildup of moss and leaves that was no doubt bedding. Our shadows fell over the creature, and it briefly stirred. I could feel the snores under my skin. The creature wasn't a bear. It had brown fur, but its body was too well-fitted to its lack of mass, its paws trimmer and more humanlike, two little horns curving out from its head…
Ruby snapped a picture. Light filled the cave. We jumped back as the creature thrashed awake in three big movements, bones and leaves scattering across the cave. It limbered up, growling deep from its broken slumber, and the sharp teeth peeling back from its drooling lips didn't look so friendly. I stared it right in the goat-like head. I had thrown my beans at that had. This was the thing I saw last night, pals.
Ruby yelled, "I thought it was on silent!"
We fled the cave. "AAAAAAAAAAAH!" The thing bounded after us, few precious seconds keeping us from becoming its next meal. Ruby turned around and photographed it again, making it stagger. Then she whirled back around and photographed us by accident. I'm sure we looked terrified.
I grabbed her arm. "Come on!" We ran closer to the thundering waterfall, my night vision dodging us through the dark. The water blocked out the sound of the thing following behind us. Was it gaining? Finally we reached the ledges and started pumping back up to the trail. The thing had caught up. It hunched, then leapt a clear twenty feet onto the rocky slope with us. It advanced on all fours, fur bristling as chunks of rock broke and tumbled under its feet.
There was a crack, and the beast dragged back from a bullet to the side. It snarled toward the top of the canyon, and flinched again as another bullet streaked its way. Old Jandy was standing by the waterfall, barrel of his rifle still smoking.
"Gedottamiwoods!" he said. At least, that's what it sounded like through the water.
Ruby and I grinned nervously at the beast. Jandy aimed the rifle again, and it split, the rock face cracking off when it went back down into the canyon.
Ruby and I climbed up the ledges, our heartbeats booming in our ears. We made it to the top and caught our breath. Ruby stood first. "Oh my god, thank you, weird truck guy!"
Old Jandy lowered his rifle. "What're you doing down there? Where no one can see you, hear you? Are you dumb?"
"I'm not sure how to answer that."
Jandy looked into the canyon, sweeping what he could see of the bottom. "What was that thing? A goat? Are there goats on Pyres Peak?"
He still spoke with angry suspicion, squinting as he scoped. I tried joking to ease the tension. "Kinda big and bloodthirsty to be a goat, don't you think?"
He swung the rifle in my direction. "Well I gotta know! I gotta know if something is in MY woods! Whatever that is needs to git if it's gonna mess up my end of Pyres Peak! And I got all the bullets I need in case it doesn't get the memo."
Do bullets even hurt this beast? This was not the time to find out, and pals, I had respect for the guy's craziness. He also needed to get that rifle pointed another direction. Ruby agreed. "It's gone now," she said. "So how about you put that barrel toward the ground and carry on with business as usual."
Jandy squinted and growled some more, then stalked off. Ruby and I looked at each other again.
"A real paranormal creature!" we said.
"I hope," I added.
Neptune came up the trail, scouting for potential fake prop witnesses. "Oh, hey Ruby!" he called. "What's up?"
I got to say, I was out of it for a few minutes. The Goatman was real? I spaced out into the sunny mountain range while Ruby and Neptune talked. Ruby said, "And that thing is still prowling down there!" and I zoned back into the scene. Neptune was so surprised by the story that he forgot he was standing next to the waterfall. Sage and Scarlet were farther down the trail, looking surprised too. We all glanced at the top of the canyon.
"This is our chance," said Ruby.
"You know? It is," said Neptune. Sage and Scarlet continued climbing the trail. "A real Goatman! In daylight! We'll totally win. I mean, half the contestants are just gonna be faking stuff."
The others caught up. The guys all turned to me, looking expectant. "So Goatman is real after all," said Scarlet.
"Come on! Is it really my fault I didn't believe it at first?" We're talking a carnivorous half-man half-goat. Give me a break.
We deliberated the next step. "Penny could help," Ruby said. "She looks adorable and clueless, but she's got skills." She made finger-guns.
This was going to cut our winnings, but we needed all the help we could get. We asked where Penny was lately, and Ruby directed us across the trail, out of the woods and onto the familiar farmland of a certain Al and Lorraine.
Penny was talking with them on the patio. She turned around. "Ruby!"
"No time for a handshake," Ruby said as Penny was stopped short of a hug. "We have major news. Goatman is real. He lives in the canyon!"
Penny gasped. "Goatman is real? Now you have to get those photos. For glory!" She stood up straight and saluted.
Al and Lorraine were standing by at the patio. "This is probably the animal you warned us about, sir," I told Al.
"The Goatman? We've heard of it, but never thought that'd be real." He squinted into the woods, putting his fingers on his chin.
"It's real," said Ruby. "He looks like a really tall human with fur and claws and hooves for feet…and the head of a goat!"
"Fitting to the description," Penny chimed in.
"We're in a paranormal photography competition," Ruby told Al and Loretta. "We have to get that goat! Will you help us?"
The way they smiled at my team sent the message that they knew we'd been up to something. "Sure," Al said, turning back toward the house. "Better a live specimen than taking up the time to stir up a hoax."
Here was the plan: We'd lure the Goatman out of the canyon with food, leading it into the trails where there was plenty of sunlight. It would walk into the woods, where it'd find a young lone goat tied to a tree. Goatman would likely be interested in cannibalizing this easy meal, or maybe adopting it. Here's the thing—the area would be strung up with some of that fishing wire Loretta likes to make. Goatman would trip it, and that would release a giant net to swallow it up. Then Al would dart it with a tranquilizer that he uses on the livestock sometimes. We'd get our photos, win the contest, and be rich!
Ruby and I set up the baiting. We laid a long trail of leftovers from the edge of the netting site to the cave. The stew was closest to the cave for a strong smell to bring Goatman out. We stood back, but not too far back that I couldn't get a glimpse of Goatman slipping out of his roost. Then we hightailed it back down the canyon. Quickly we jumped up the ledges—Goatman wasn't exactly taking his time. When I got high enough I could see him following the trail, gobbling whatever was left behind. Let me tell you, pals, he wasn't one for table manners.
Ruby and I hurdled back onto the trails and split for the woods. We took cover behind a thicket of bushes as the Goatman appeared above the canyon. I photographed a distant shot before it started to move.
We left a little food on the trail, and beyond that the Goatman pounced on a raccoon. It paused, then stood back up, hands hovering under its mouth in confusion. That raccoon was really one of Neptune's prop puppets. To think we found a use for those?
It shook its head viciously, cotton and fake fur flinging through the air. It let go mid-swing and moved on to the possum. Same thing. This time it shook a little, then stopped and tore the possum out with a hand movement that was unsettlingly human. Goatman was mad now, pals. Carcass cuisine turned out to be diet fluff, and he wanted real food.
In the middle of the netting site, our living bait paced over its rope. The young goat was all gangly legs and floppy ears, growing more uneasy by the presence we were all waiting for. It trembled, body locking tight, before straining the whole the rope away from the creature that had picked up its distress. Everyone was hidden around the small clearing in a circle, silent. My eyes flicked to the net bundled high in the tree branches, filtered sunlight shining on its mesh. Then I grinned and waited for the creature to come closer.
The world seemed to go still as Goatman took his first step into the clearing. The kid—no, I mean the goat kid, not a person kid—bleated, kicking forward in a panic before trying again to run into the woods. Dirt and brush scattered under its hooves. The Goatman rumbled, or maybe that was its stomach, before charging toward the prey.
Loretta's wires were set so that the rope stopped short from tripping them. The Goatman, on the other foot, was running right for them. It ran into the nearly invisible trip hanging inches from the ground, fell too late to avoid the net, and then a shovel pitched across the clearing, piercing the net in an interception that clanged cantankerously once it hit ground. We all looked. Old Jandy came out from the woods, holding his rifle. "What's goin' on here?"
What he saw was a couple people hiding behind trees, a panicked goat tied to a rope, and a big clawed monster with a gnarly smell. His eyes got round, and he said, "Whoa!" before firing a couple more bullets. They bounced right off Goatman's hide. Goatman slapped away a third shot and rose to his feet. Old Jandy's head leaned back as the full shadow of this canyon cryptid fell over him. He was scared, but then he got mad, and started waving away the beast as it stepped closer. "Hey! Hey! Away! Get away! Hey!"
The Goatman paused, cocking its had in a closer look at the rifle. Jandy fired again, and the beast hacked a wheeze as it took a jagged step back. Jandy's barrel had been pointed at the soft spot below the collarbone. Another crack split the air as smoke burst out of the rifle again, this time aimed at the head. Goatman ducked, then clubbed Jandy, sprawling him into a tree.
Seeing a cryptid is one thing; getting hit by one is another. Jandy shoved off the trunk, breathing hard as he slowly stared up the Goatman in fear. Goatman clubbed him again, this time leaving four oozing red streaks where his shirt was torn. Jandy screamed and ran. The Goatman chased after him into the woods, and as it did, I caught sight for the first time of a little stub tail. For real?
Ruby jumped out and grabbed the goat, grasping it by the chest and jaw to calm it down. Loretta joined her; the rest of us tore out of our hiding spots to chase down the Goatman. We heard the echoes of Jandy's yells, and more rifle shots. Soon there was a hard metal groan, then nothing but Goatman's hacks and snuffles. We all looked around the woods at each other, then grabbed whatever we could use as a weapon. Rocks, heavy sticks, branches ripped from trees.
There was no time for an ambush. We ran straight toward the Goatman, hollering and waving our weapons around. Adrenaline shot so hard through me that I could feel my veins vibrate. My heart pounded, and everything turned clear.
Sage and Scarlet started running between the trees, keeping it off guard. It whirled and snarled, stretching out its claws. It was moving too much for Al to get a dart in, but it wouldn't get close to us. The sound of clicking Scrolls joined in the cacophony.
Neptune was farthest ahead. He moved to the left to photograph a new angle, and somehow the Goatman sensed it. It turned tail and tore through Neptune's opening with a supernatural burst of speed. Our surprised silence fell over the woods. Then Penny blurred unrealistically fast after it, dirt and leaves zooming in her wake. We stood in another surprise, and then my team and I remembered the can of beans.
"PENNY!" We hurtled ahead with Al following. The Goatman had gotten a good distance past us, with Penny in her green dress standing before it. My heart slammed up into my throat, but when I blinked there was a ZAP and a flash of electric light behind my eyelids. The Goatman dropped between the smattering of ferns around it. The smell of singed fur rose into the air.
Penny kept looking at the cryptid, then noticed we were there. "Got it!" she said cheerfully.
Al shot it with the tranquilizer, and we all came forward as he knelt to take out the dart. Goatman's arm jerked at the extraction. Its gnarly mouth was hanging open with a set of very real teeth—humanlike!—and it didn't take long before it started snoring, drool seeping into the ground.
Al waved his hand in front of his nose. "That's halitosis."
I knelt, raised my Scroll to the Goatman's face, and took a close-up. No one could deny this was the real deal. The guys all got their own shots, at least two of which being interrupted by the red curls of Penny's hair. She stared intently at the creature, her eyes dilating and glowing neon green. "So Penny," I said, making the neon shut off when she blinked. "Didn't know you worked with electricity."
She saluted. "I'm combat-ready!"
She called across the woods. "Ruby! We've neutralized the Goatman."
A faraway reply. "You did?" Ruby appeared in a rush of rose petals, rocking stiffly to stop like a plank of wood. "Great! Here's to the team."
She took her time finding a good angle. "Hurry up, before it wakes," said Al. Ruby went for a full body CSI chalk-style shot, photographing from a tree.
On the way out, we passed a shaking bush. Jandy was in shock, knees and elbows pressed into the dirt. "He started shootin' at me!" he said. "He took my gun and started shootin' at me!"
The rifle thrown to the bushes lay in testament. It was bent in half at the barrel. Chunks of shot tree trunks dotted the area too, still faintly smelling of gunpowder. Al helped Jandy to his feet, looking once more at the gun. "Let's get you patched up, before the Goatman wakes back there," he said. "Come on, it's okay," he continued, beckoning Jandy ahead. "But you did get lucky. You took cover next to poison ivy."
We returned to Loretta and the kid—no, not a person kid, there wasn't…you know what I mean. Loretta looked at the sweat and blood on Jandy's clothes. "That'll be one to tell someday."
She turned to Al. "So the Goatman…?"
"It ran off, then Penny zapped it. Let's put it in the net."
At the mention of Penny, we all turned to her again. "Whatever you did, it was awesome," I said.
"I thought he was gonna take a chunk out of you!" said Scarlet.
"Funny boys. I don't taste good inside," said Penny.
She walked toward the net. The rest of us gathered around it to bag the Goatman. No, of course I didn't trip the wire on the way out.
We got Goatman bundled inside the net, and my team, Al, and Loretta carried it into the light of day with the others following behind. We placed it at the edge of the canyon across the roaring waterfall, and carefully took it out of the net. Then we ran like hell.
We had another meal at the Cherryfield's, all of us. Jandy seemed a bit cagey about being inside someone else's property.
"So what are you gonna do with your end of the loot?" Ruby asked after Al took him outside to show him the field.
"I got a few video games with my name on it," I replied. "You?"
"I've got a game too, and all sorts of gadgets."
"Macaroni!" said Penny.
"I'd like to get the tractor fixed," said Loretta.
The guys were sitting beside each other by the fireplace, shrugging and grunting their own ideas of how to use the prize. It was a good moment, pals. Eventually we went our separate ways, the sunset spreading an evening shadow across the horizon.
The next morning we took the fake up the highest trail on our end of the woods, the sound of rushing water getting louder by the minute. We crested the waterfall, sunlight spilling off its churning river and falling past the expanse of canyon below it. We all looked to the fake, which Neptune was holding. He eyed the river with a grimace, then finally came slowly over from the other side of the trail.
Only in the nighttime could our hoax be mistaken for a real creature. We looked up and down at its scraggly goat head, its rigid body and wooden arms, then spread in a line and laid it flat into the river. The current swept it over, swallowing it in volumes of water on its farewell descent. We didn't hear it hit bottom. I peered over the cliff, and with the barest help of my night vision saw it had plunged deep into the waterfall base.
Scarlet took out a kazoo and played a solemn tune. Then we headed for home. We left a can of beans outside the cabin door, in case Goatman came back. No hard feelings.
We printed our photos at the library and dropped them in the box at the Congruence Center. Scarlet offered his shirt as evidence. After a long week of scrutiny, we won! Ruby and Penny showed up to hold the left corner of the check. We had our picture taken with Eric Skylark and Wilt Nebula, these great hosts with a bizarre belief in the paranormal, before they brought up the mic to ask a few questions.
"Oh, it wasn't scary," I said, turned away casually from the rolling camera.
Neptune leaned into the frame. "He was totally scared because, hello, you should have been there? Totally freaky monster."
"It took a few days, but we tracked the Goatman and surprised it in an ambush," said Sage.
"Was my shirt good evidence?" asked Scarlet.
We cashed at the bank and walked out to the city with our pockets full of lien. "This is so incredible. I feel like a star!" said Penny. "I'm going to drop off the Cherryfield's part of the money right now." Her boots rumbled, and she rocketed into the air.
Ruby turned to us nervously as Penny disappeared through the sky. "That Penny…always full of surprises, right?" She grinned really wide.
I turned back to the city ahead of us, watching people mill about across the street. "I feel GREAT!" I said. My voice filled the block. We all gave each other grins, then walked into the plaza to complete our adventure.
So that's how I learned the Goatman was real. It's still weird. How did a creature like that come to be? Maybe it's best if I don't think about it. That won't stop my friends, though. They've been scheming about ghosts and aliens and Mothman. Come on, can you take my word for it that he's not real? It was a sandhill crane.
We were celebrities for a while, and had to be careful that nobody was trying to nab our lien on the sly. It was a real time for paranormal enthusiasts. The problem is that now everyone wants to find the Goatman. WARNING Cryptid is hazardous to life and limb. Dude!
