AN: Happy April Fools.
Title Chapter: American Civil War
The first thing Vagisilious sees when she wakes up is the fact that she's standing in the middle of a 21st century city, probably somewhere in Europe judging by the fact that the roads look like they're actually walkable.
She was pretty confused, considering she was just in her bed in Nazarick not a few moments ago. And why was she wearing the Mianguan? She literally took it off before she went to bed.
…Ah, wait a minute!
This is all just an elaborate dream or something! Cooked up by her brain to remember about home after the trials and tribulations of yesterday.
Though, home definitely wasn't Europe.
Needing more information, she decided to check out the area with her divination spells.
First of all, this city was pretty decently lived in by actual, real human lives. They were all also white, so this was definitely somewhere in Europe.
And also, they were all low leveled. The highest human she saw was level 3.
Except for one…
There was some sort of dude dressed in some weird desert-looking clothes that seemed strangely fused with American Revolutionary War style clothing. He also had a gray hood and a black mask and sunglasses covering his face.
And also, he had the American flag on his right arm. That's a red flag if she's ever seen one. Overly patriotic people were just the worst…
So, she decided to just check to see if he was a player using [Identify Soul]
Fuse
Status: Healthy
Stamina: Healthy
Mana: Full
Race: Human/Slime Hybrid
Title: Ambitious Regent, Devourer of Souls
Classes: Mercenary, Soul Mage, Geomancer, Dual Warrior,
Professions: Stylist, Chef
Godhood: Fading God of Wealth & Freedom.
Ranking Setting: Universal [Change]
Overall Ranking: B-
Power Rank: B- [Expand]
Magic Rank: C+++ [Expand]
Social Rank: C++ [Expand]
Rank Points: 0
Perks: [Expand]
Titles: [Expand]
…What the fuck is this?
That's… Literally indecipherable. She doesn't know what any of that means.
Well, actually, she can guess what some of that means.
The dude's name is Fuse, he's a B ranked person, whatever that means, he has a bunch of low level classes, and…
His "godhood" category just lists him as the fading god of wealth and freedom? What does that even mean?
Well, she guesses that the only way to find out was to actually talk to the guy.
Teleporting over to him, they stared at each other for a moment when Fuse noticed her presence.
Before she could do anything though, Fuse randomly asked, "Are you American?"
She actually had to blink and think about that for a moment.
Why the hell would Fuse ask about that of all things?
She doesn't even have a good answer for that. Maybe? She hasn't actually stepped foot on American soil for like- Well actually she briefly was there while picking up Ankoro's body and dog, but aside from that, literally never since her reincarnation.
So, the honest answer was, "Uh, not anymore?"
Fuse tilted his head, seemingly curious, "Elaborate."
She scratched her head, "Well, I mean, I was American for like 20 years, then I moved to Japan. And I've literally never stepped foot on American soil ever again, so…"
Then, Fuse proves her suspicion right as he asks a completely bonkers question, "Are you still loyal to the United States?"
She actually snorted at that one and bluntly told him, "Hah! No."
Who could ever be actually so devoted to a country? Only friendless losers, that's who. All her patriotism was the shallow kind that only flared up when someone was making fun of it.
Fuse seemed to have different thoughts on it, as all he said was, "What a disappointment."
Instantly, she knew she was going to have to fight him.
Fuse pulled out two pistols, "Then let me remind you of the glory of the United States of America."
What the hell is he talking about?
In an instant, Fuse did something to her that immediately made her feel unluckier.
[Silent Maximize Boost Magic: Mercy of The Sovereign]
So, she basically cured her luck with her curse curing spell.
The next moment, Fuse began to shoot at her with his guns.
She wasn't a fighter, she literally picked support classes to avoid doing most of the fighting, but with her Mianguan on, she wasn't a pushover in combat either.
Deciding to check to see if her physical immunity blocks his attacks-
She gets caught completely by surprise as Fuse's bullets didn't just wound her, but completely tore through her body like it was butter.
Muffling a scream, she immediately acted to get away from the danger.
[Silent Magic: Greater Teleportation]
[Silent Triplet Magic: Sovereign's Blessing]
Alright, now she knew that Fuse could hurt her.
It won't happen again.
[Silent Boost Maximize Magic: Shield of The Fae]
[Silent Boost Maximize Magic: Hide Soul]
[Silent Boost Maximize Magic: Fraliz's Wrath]
[Silent Boost Maximize Magic: Materialize]
[Silent Boost Maximize Magic: Neutralize Weaknesses]
[Silent Triplet Magic: Sovereign's Blessing]
[Silent Boost Maximize Magic: Hidden Chorus]
[Silent Boost Maximize Magic: Hidden Counter]
[Silent Boost Maximize Magic: Imbue Curses]
Finishing her small list of buffs within the span of just a second, she pointed a finger at Fuse, getting ready to kill him.
[Silent Twin Triplet Widen Pierce Boost Maximize Magic: Mercy's End]
Fuse somehow spouted red butterfly wings from his back and dodged the six massive beams of light by just flying up.
Fuse angrily shouted, "Damn! Dude! Are you trying to kill me?!"
What? Is this guy completely unaware of his actions?
Fuse then pulled out a fucking assault rifle and started firing at her.
[Silent Widen Boost Maximize Magic: True Barrier]
A shield of energy, canonically powered by her own soul, protected her from the incoming bullets.
She heard Fuse click his tongue, then he retreated to a nearby building rooftop to catch his breath.
Taking the moment, she figures that her win condition was basically to just land a hit. Then she can figure out whether she kills him in one hit, or if this is going to be a more protracted fight.
But time is on her side, not his.
As she was about to fire off another spell-
Fuse just turns around and runs away?!
He was talking so highly of himself, and now he just decides that retreating is the best option?!
What a coward! She's actually so disappointed by it!
Giving chase, she sees Fuse randomly take a guy and-
Is that a pokeball in his hands?
Fuse tosses the pokeball, and out comes-
A REGIELEKI?!
"California! Delay Vagisilious!" Fuse shouted out as he continued to run.
HE NAMED HIS REGIELEKI CALIFORNIA?
The Regieleki (California?) happily beeped and immediately jumped in her direction, sending out a thunderbolt in her direction.
It was closer than she would've liked, but she did avoid the thunderbolt.
She didn't avoid the second one.
California began to run circles around her, spamming thunderbolts as if it was Christmas.
Each attack didn't do much other than sting her, but it was getting irritating to heal each time.
[Silent Twin Triplet Widen Pierce Boost Maximize Magic: Mercy's End]
California dodges all six strikes.
[Silent Twin Triplet Widen Pierce Boost Maximize Magic: Mercy's End]
California dodges all six strikes.
"You're really bothersome, you know?" She said, completely fed up with the situation.
California chirped happily, as if to mock her.
She does have an AoE attack, but that would damage the surrounding area more than she would like. She has no knowledge if anyone here was real, but she didn't want to be the one destroying people's homes.
She briefly glanced towards the holes caused by Mercy's End.
…More than necessary.
Briefly mentally checking through all sorts of offensive spells she hasn't used in years, she finds something that might work.
[Silent Widen Boost Maximize Magic: Hold Souls]
Every single living being nearby was restrained by the manifestation of their own soul, preventing them from acting.
Even California.
California was unmoved as she pointed a finger at him.
[Silent Pierce Boost Maximize Magic: True Exorcism]
With a bright flash of light, California was gone.
Well, that was annoying. Now, back to beating the hell out of Fuse.
She quickly spotted him with her divination, and she started to fly towards him so that her attacks would have a better shot at actually landing.
Fuse flew into the air with her, somehow sprouting butterfly wings with the color theme of the American flag on it. Then he threw a curveball at her, "You know, I just want to know, what state were you from?"
She blinked.
Is this guy serious? She literally just killed one of his pokemon, and he's asking about where she was born?
What the hell is this dude on? She's actually never seen someone this deluded.
Out of sheer curiosity, she told him the truth, "California."
Fuse actually loudly groaned, "Holy shit, I love my state, but why do we get saddled with all of the fucking mentally ill morons?!"
Hello? Is this guy listening to himself?
He calls her mentally ill, but Fuse literally hasn't said anything that wasn't American related to her this entire fight. And he expects her to get it?
Before she could give her opinion, Fuse continued, "I bet you're the type of person who didn't vote for Hillary back in 2016 because she wasn't progressive enough, weren't you? You're the entire reason why America's stuck in another civil war in the first place!"
What?
That's literally just schizophrenia.
Technically, they were supposed to be fighting, but this is like watching a burning building. It's terrible, awful, and she couldn't look away from it.
And she wanted to add fuel to the fire.
Knowing fully well that this wasn't going to go anywhere positive, she decided to tell Fuse, "There's no civil war, though?"
Fuse literally sighed, "Great, you're a chronically ill-informed child."
Pot calling the kettle black, here.
Honestly, this may be rarer than finding a unicorn. To find someone so genuinely invested in an idea that literally doesn't mean anything.
Fuse began to fly higher, and she guessed that meant that Fuse wanted to get back to fighting now.
Fuse moves his arms as if he's shooting a bow, and a massive spirit arrow manifests on his arms.
At the same time, she was struck with a wave of fear.
It was the type of irrational fear, she was afraid to move because all of a sudden, Fuse had become much more intimidating for no visible reason. It felt as though if she moved any further, Fuse would swat her like a bug. But she knew she was stronger, so in a slight motion, she activated one of the rings on her fingers.
A flash of green light covered her as she recovered from her fear.
A moment later, Fuse's spiritual arrow hit her directly in the heart, completely bypassing her defenses and creating a massive hole in her body.
Screaming out in genuine pain, she ran away with another teleportation and healing spell.
[Silent Magic: Greater Teleportation]
[Silent Triplet Magic: Sovereign's Blessing]
She was fine, but Fuse had outright laughed at her when she teleported away.
"C'mon! Haven't you heard of dodging?!" Fuse openly mocked, not even preparing another attack.
Ugh, this American nationalist was really grinding on her gears… He's far too agile for her to catch without causing damage to the surrounding area.
But…
She went to bed the last time she was back in Nazarick, didn't she?
While the situation was undeniably real, maybe these citizens aren't.
But even if they were…
She couldn't really care for them, could she? She has no attachment to any of these people.
Glaring at Fuse, she announced to him, "Dodge this, asshole!"
The rings of a super-tier magic spell surrounded her.
Just a moment later, Fuse suddenly dropped fire onto the city, and that fire spread throughout the entire city, burning everyone nearby.
Ah, so Fuse also had no issue with blatant genocide then. That makes the next decision a lot easier.
Cracking her hourglass, she shouted out, "[Super-tier Magic: Defiance of Atom]!"
Defiance of Atom, in game, was a pure damaging spell that affected everything in a surrounding area, usually creating a massive crater wherever it was used. The nice thing about Defiance of Atom is that it usually went through all defenses.
Because, in lore and thus in reality, Defiance of Atom literally splits the chemical bonds holding atoms together.
With a brief flash of light, everything unraveled.
Fuse had attempted to create a shield to protect himself, but Defiance of Atoms literally went through it and affected Fuse.
Fuse disintegrated into ugly bits of slime.
She had won.
She sighed, closing her eyes and massaging the parts she had to heal.
That was… Well, she hesitated to call it close. She took no permanent damage from the fight. But if Fuse had maybe played the fight more correctly, maybe instead of asking her the really dumb questions at the start and just ambushing her…
Maybe there was a universe where she could've lost.
Turning around to look at the destruction wrought by her Defiance of Atom & Fuse's flames which were still spreading, she figured she could find out how to get back to Nazarick.
"Hey," Fuse's voice called out.
She hastily turned around, not believing her ears.
But her eyes confirmed it.
Fuse was literally standing in the air in front of her, unharmed.
"How?" She asked, already thinking of answers.
Did he have a self-revival item? Did Fuse somehow trick her with an illusion? Or did Fuse-
"The pure, American spirit," Fuse said.
…That is such a Fuse answer to say.
Fuse tilted his head, "But that was your strongest attack, right?"
If she just hits him with one more spell he should be done for-
Fuse saluted.
"Domain Expansion."
The surrounding area is quickly encapsulated by the daylight sphere that was becoming Fuse's domain, the sound of gunfire, trumpets, and of cogs spinning fills the area as the sphere was completed and they were in Washington D.C.
"Revolutionary Battlefield!" Fuse finished.
THIS GUY HAS A DOMAIN EXPANSION?!
AND IT'S LITERALLY WASHINGTON D.C?!
She quickly looked around the city, which was covered in a comical amount of American flags, she could confirm that, yes, this was Washington D.C.
Not to mention, she could practically see 5 guns around every corner, pointed straight at her.
This was… How does she describe the sensation of both dread, surprise, humor, and total acceptance of the world?
Well, Fuse didn't let her have a chance to describe it as he chipped in from in front of her, "Hey, Vagisilious, did you know I can restrain people's souls now?"
"Wha-"
Instantly, she felt herself being restricted.
Trying to use a spell to cure herself-
She found herself unable.
Wait, if Fuse can restrict people's souls…
She recalls a small tidbit in one of her lore tabs somewhere that her core talisman spells took parts of her own soul alongside with mana to use.
It had no gameplay implications because the developers were lazy, but…
Fuse had just completely restricted access to her mana, or something like that.
Her eyes widened as she turned back to Fuse, who had somehow materialized like 10 guns of varying builds and had them all floating in the air.
"Goodbye, Vagisilious. I hope you learned something about being an American today," Fuse solemnly said, "I hope you can become an American again."
Fuse began to open fire, and bullets began to tear into her.
She screamed.
Every sense in her body told her she needed to run, but she couldn't. She tried to figure out a way to survive, but her body was forced to curl in onto itself as she tried to cope with the cold hard steel killing her.
She healed herself, trying to form a barrier around her. But Fuse's restrictions only applied to extending spells outside her body. She couldn't attack anymore, and she can only heal herself through the burning pain.
The spell takes more mana than usual, but she could still replenish it with her Mianguan.
Every bullet takes a bit of her spirit away from her, and she has to heal herself to cope with the pain.
Bullet after bullet, regenerated.
Eventually, she manages to stand on her two feet once more, and look Fuse in the eyes-
It was another spirit arrow attack, this one was bigger than the one before.
She resigned herself to defeat, her back drooping down and her eyes dropping.
Then, Fuse stopped his attacks. The city becomes silent as the gunfire ceases.
What?
Looking back at him, Fuse said, "You're an American, aren't you? You're standing, don't let that stench of defeat reach your eyes, it's unbecoming of you."
…The notion of it was nice, at least.
But he is right, defeat was unbecoming of someone in Ainz Ooal Gown.
Standing straighter with her head held higher, she comes to a decision.
She will either win, or will die standing.
The cogs of the universe shifted as Vagisilious rewrote the laws of the universe and declared, "My Next Attack will Kill you."
Fuse laughed again, but this time, it felt like a friend's laugh, "That's the spirit!"
It took a lot of her power, but through some power she only barely understood herself, she managed to break through the hold on her soul.
Then, she attacked.
[Silent Twin Triplet Widen Pierce Boost Maximize Magic: Mercy's End]
Fuse's arrow fired, and every single gun in the city fired as well as Mercy's End clashed with Fuse's arrow.
The bullets dug deep into her body, and that lapse in concentration was enough for Fuse's arrow to bypass her attacks, as Fuse's arrow hit her, and Mercy's End hit Fuse a second later.
They were both completely consumed by the resulting blasts, putting an end to the battle.
She woke up hyperventilating.
Rapidly blinking she tried to remember what the hell happened.
She was in Nazarick, safe and sound. But she could still feel the pain of the bullets prickling her body.
Did she win?
…No, it didn't feel like it. It felt as though Fuse won just by the technicality of her dying first…
…Wait a second.
She made a terrible realization.
She grabbed onto her hair in frustration and fell back down onto her bed. She shouted out in rage, "Did I lose in my own dream battle?!"
Emily came in a moment later to check up on her screaming.
Bonus Stories (Super Non-Canon) (And also the same between both chapters)
Bonus Story 1
The Waiting Room
Plaze, a robotic demon with a Green, red, and blue color scheme, the Overlord of games in hell, and Mehira, a purple succubus in witch's clothing, the Overlord of connections, entered a white waiting room.
They were here to be admitted into Skryb's folder of "Fics that I'm working on." And they were currently waiting to get their letter of admittance.
Plaze had a huge smile on his face, "Mehira, can you believe it? We're finally going to get our fic! April is going to be our month!"
Mehira was less enthusiastic than her partner, but she was still excited as she nodded along, "Yeah, it is going to be our month. We're going to overtake what's-her-face as the star child of Skryb's portfolio, isn't that right?"
Plaze smugly smirked, "Yeah! Time Capsule doesn't stand a chance against Game Development! Hazbin is a much bigger fandom than Overlord! We're going to get all of the kudos and followings!"
Plaze went up to get his placement, which was listed as "Written after Momonga's Spellbook."
Plaze frowned at the words on the slip of paper, "Written after… Momonga's Notebook? Seriously?"
Plaze looked towards the other person in the waiting room, which was Momonga, "Hey, is the next fic yours?"
Momonga looked at him, "Yes, that would be me."
Plaze sighed, "Ugh, fine, I'll accept that. You're a one-shot, right?"
"Exactly right."
Mehira shrugged, "Then it's fine, Plaze. Skryb will butcher him in an afternoon, and we'll get ours done to perfection."
Plaze accepted this line of logic, "Alright then, that's cool."
The Public Speaker suddenly shouted out a horn noise as it loudly announced, "NOW WRITING: MOMONGA'S SPELLBOOK."
"See you later, Plaze, I'll be sure to remember this encounter using my Remember Conversation spell that I got from Zoomarion." Momonga said as he entered the writing room.
Plaze got back to Mehira, and then he explained to himself, "Alright, we're next after that dumbass gets his." Then, Plaze excitedly rubs his hands, "Ooh, I wonder what the title of my first chapter is going to be…"
Mehira chuckled, "It's probably going to be something like 'Welcome to Hell.' you know? Because you're the main character and I'm the love interest, so you have to enter hell first."
Plaze nodded, "You're right, you're right. Then what should the chapter where I rename myself Plaze be?"
"Plaze, probably," Mehira answered.
"You're right, you're right."
Then, another duo entered the room. It was another Momonga and some girl neither of them recognized.
Plaze tilted his head due to the lack of eyebrows and eyelids on his body, "Who the hell are you guys?"
"Oh, I'm Ainz," Ainz greeted, "This is my wife, Furina."
Furina waved at them, "Hello!"
Plaze couldn't blink, but he could shut off his eyes to mimic blinking.
"Skryb, making a romance fic? Pssh, yeah, right. Go ahead and get your ticket, but know that neither of you guys are getting your stories published anytime soon," Plaze arrogantly stated, jabbing one of his rainbow fingers in the direction of the ticket booth.
Furina got her slip, and she read it out loud, "Ooh! We're going to be written after Momonga's Spellbook!"
Plaze and Mehira snapped their heads in her direction.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Plaze looked down to the slip in his hands, "We're written after-"
Their slip was suddenly changed to "Written after Fake It Until We Make It."
"Huh?" Mehira dumbly said, "How? What? Why?"
Plaze couldn't even comprehend it. Why the hell were they being sidelined for a short romance story that was cooked up while Skryb was high in the shower?
Ainz nervously laughed, "Haha… No hard feelings?"
Plaze's internal engines loudly whirled, making a guttural mechanical noise that was pleasant to no one.
Then, Plaze went silent, as he steadied himself and brushed off the skirt that came with his body.
"You know what? I don't care," Plaze stubbornly said, crossing his arms, "Go ahead, get written first. We'll be better, nobody likes crossovers anyways."
Ainz and Furina looked at each other, and both silently agreed not to piss the two of them off.
Mehira was sporting a deep frown as she muttered, "Romantic pieces of shit…"
Plaze hugged her, "Romantic pieces of shit indeed, fuck em. I'm going to leave a nasty hate comment on their first chapter without even reading it."
As they were nursing the wounds left by their delay, another duo came into the room.
Then 41 more people came into the room.
Plaze lashed out, "ALRIGHT WHAT THE FUCK SKRYB?! WHO EVEN ARE THESE GUYS?!"
The duo, an elf man and woman, spoke first, "We're a 10 chapter shortfic that ends with us dying in a bait and switch."
The 41 spoke next, "We're a 41 Supreme Beings fic, but without the Nazarick. We're a crackfic."
Plaze and Mehira both transformed into their full demon forms as Plaze loudly announced to everyone, "SKRYYYYB! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL THESE IDEAS RIGHT HERE! THEN WHEN I FUCKING CATCH YOU I'M GOING TO KILL YOU TOO! SKRYYYYYB!"
The waiting room descended into chaos as the battle erupted between the 41 Supreme Beings of Ainz Ooal Gown plus 2 random people and the 2 Overlords of Hell.
Furina looked at Ainz, and they both just shrugged and decided to not get involved.
The Public Speaker suddenly shouted out a horn noise as it loudly announced, "FINISHED MOMONGA'S SPELLBOOK. NOW WRITING: FAKE IT UNTIL WE MAKE IT."
"Oh! That's us! Ainz, let's go!" Furina excitedly dragged Ainz to the waiting room.
Ainz laughed, "I understand why you're so excited, but slow down!"
The duo entered the writing room as everyone else didn't even notice due to the fighting.
Bonus Story 2
Skryb's Works Tier List
"Hey y'all, it's me, Vagisilious from Time Capsule here. I'm here today with Fuse from Manifest Destiny to rank all of Skryb's garbage fics today." Vagisilious, the little fairy, introduced herself to the imaginary audience as Fuse, American patriot extraordinaire, sat criss-cross applesauce on the chair next to her chair.
Fuse's chair was, of course, American made, as he made a peace sign towards the imaginary camera, "Yeah, like she said. Skryb's made 17 garbage works at the time of writing, and I can't imagine he'll write anymore, so let's get to it."
"You wanna start from the bottom or top?" Vagisilious asked, leaning back as she held the flash cards in her hands.
"Bottom, obviously." Fuse quickly answered.
Vagisilious nodded as she revealed her pick for the worst fic in Skryb's arsenal.
F Tier
In Search of Quirks
Fuse snapped his fingers, nodding, "Oh yeah I agree with that."
Vagisilious nodded as she elaborated, "Yeah, Skryb was definitely in his 'if it's edgy it's good.' phase when he wrote this. This is like, basic human experimentation with nothing substantial to it, right?"
Fuse shrugged, "I don't know, I haven't read it."
Vagisilious laughed, "Hahaha! Yeah, that's fair. Unfortunately, I have, so I can tell you that it's garbage and nobody should ever read this. It's not even that interesting."
Fuse hummed, "Actually, I read the reviews on FFN for that fic, and there's this one guy just theorizing ways to make it more messed up."
Vagisilious chuckled again, "Wow, really? How-" She immediately regretted asking so she quickly fixed her sentence, "Actually nevermind, don't tell me how. Let's just call this the worst and move on."
Fuse laughed, "Haha! Alright man. Go ahead and reveal your next pick."
F Tier
Freeloading Souls
"I think Skryb thought this was a cool idea, realized that his level of skill in writing angst was not even remotely close to what he needed to have to successfully write this, fucked up on like, chapter 4 or something, and decided to just abandon it," Vagisilious explained as she turned to Fuse, "Did I get that right?"
Fuse nodded, "Yeah, that's basically how it went. I thought Chorus was a pretty fire name for a main character, though."
"Yeah, Chorus is a pretty fire name for a main character," Vagisilious agreed as she read her notes on what to say for Freeloading Souls, then she chuckled as she read out a review, "I quote a review again on FFN, 'You do realize this is All For One but with no benefits, right?'"
Fuse nodded and chuckled, "Do you think that's the straw that broke Skryb's back with that fic?"
Vagisilious shrugged, "I have no idea. Anyways, do you think this'll get a rewrite?"
Fuse shook his head, "Nah, I don't think it'll happen."
F Tier
PvP Shorts: Pandora's Box
Fuse hummed, "Ah, I remember that one. Basically the MC of that lets Skryb's gang, Fair and Balanced Incorporated, into his world and screw things up, right?"
Vagisilious nodded, "And it's the first of the PvP Shorts! And yeah, it was trash again. I think it was a cool idea, just executed poorly."
Fuse rubbed his chin as he tried to remember what was in it, "Ah… There was that really edgy scene with Skryb and Zavvox just walking through a no-name town and killing everyone there with just their aura, right?"
Vagisilious put a finger on her chin as she tried to remember, "...I think so? That sounds really edgy and totally in character for Skryb to write, though."
Fuse nodded, "Yeah, still in his edgy phase, totally."
"Skryb never left his edgy phase, Fuse."
"I know."
F Tier
Is This Fair and Balanced? Absolutely Not! (Old Version)
"Ah, yes, Skryb's very first work," Fuse nostalgically said, "And holy shit, it's bad."
Vagisilious nodded, "Yeah, it really is. By the way, do you know what Skryb's author's notes were talking about when he said that in-universe Skryb was a bad character? Because his name wasn't mentioned in the fic at all."
Fuse hummed, then he snapped his fingers as he recalled, "Oh, yeah! I think Skryb put himself in there for shits and giggles, and a reviewer on FFN called MG called Skryb out on self-inserts being totally fucking worthless, and Skryb was shamed into deleting himself out of existence."
Vagisilious covered her mouth, scandalized, "Really!? Skryb having shame? No way!"
Fuse nodded, "Exactly! And then he made one chapter after that, and then canceled the fic 5 chapters in!"
"That is crazy," Vagisilious said, smiling, "We'd never end up like that, right?"
Fuse laughed, "Skryb is in my story. I think he's my endgame antagonist."
Vagisilious's face fell, "I'm so sorry."
Fuse nodded, "Yeah, I think it's over for me. Pray for my continuation to the end?"
Vagisilious clasped her hands in prayer and quietly whispered, "Oh, Lord in Heaven, Fuse requires just a spoonful of your infinite mercy and kindness…"
"God: Pulls out a comically large spoon." Fuse joked, getting a laugh out of Vagisilious.
Vagisilious coughed as she got back on topic, "Okay, anything else about this fic?"
Fuse tapped his chin, "I think the concept of an old god was cool, it was just in the wrong setting."
"Yeah, I think an old god manifesting itself onto a godless world would've been pretty cool to see play out, but it was a PvP fic, so it really couldn't last long," Vagisilious said, "Anyways, let's get to the next placement…"
D Tier
Replacement
Fuse was a bit surprised at Replacement's placing, "Oh, really? Replacement before the sequel to Zavvox's newer fic?"
Vagisilious nodded, "Yeah. I think Replacement was just Skryb writing without thinking about what to write, so all he did was write MHA but boringer."
Fuse hummed, then he tried to act as the devil's advocate by saying, "I like Doviro's whole internet shtick, though."
"The PvP Short about Doviro did it better, though." Vagisilious pointed out, "And it wasn't really a big part of Doviro back then, it was just relegated to a few short sections at the bottom of chapters, and a useless filler chapter."
"Ah, you're right." Fuse conceded, "Yeah, that sort of makes sense, but what doesn't make sense is how…"
D Tier
Is This Fair and Balanced? Absolutely Not
"This travesty called a fanfiction is above Replacement," Fuse finished, "Not that Replacement is good or anything, but it doesn't deserve this treatment."
Vagisilious defended her placements by saying, "Look, it's cool when Zavvox is a super incompetent moron because, you know, he's an old god. So it's funny. It's not as cool when Doviro, who's just a doppelganger slime, is an incompetent moron."
Fuse hummed as he thought about it, "Eh… I guess you're right, somewhat. But DTier? Really?"
Vagisilious shrugged, "I have everything from F to S. I'm using the entire board, even if technically, in the wider ecosystem of fanfiction, our S tiers are just mid C tiers or low B tiers if you're overly generous."
"Ah, well, I guess you're right." Fuse conceded, "Uh, more about this fic… Ah, I really enjoyed reading all of the patch notes, for basically all of Skryb's fics."
Vagisilious agreed, "Yeah, the patch notes were the best parts, no question. Honestly, everything that wasn't the patch notes were just filler until we got to the patch notes."
"Ehh… I wouldn't go that far, there were some things I enjoyed that weren't the patch notes," Fuse said, trying to remember something, "Like, uh… I don't know, reading Zavvox get his ass beat by what's her name, Akiya? That was fun."
"Oh! Speaking of Akiya, isn't the penalty for losing the match literally becoming the slave of the guy who beat you?" Vagisilious questioned, and once Fuse nodded his head, she continued, "Yeah, I'm putting money on Skryb having a slave fetish that he just never wrote for."
Fuse hummed, "You know what, that does make sense. I mean, why else would he make, I think all of his MCs go up against a girl?"
Vagisilious nodded, "Yeah! That's super messed up!"
Fuse then stared at her, "Huh, you're his first female protagonist…"
Vagisilious raised her eyebrow, "Where are you going with this?"
Fuse saluted her, "God save your soul."
"Alllright! We're not going any further with that!" Vagisilious quickly waved it off as she checked her notes on what to say next, "Uh, I think this is when Co-Op dungeons were made, right? I liked the Co-Op dungeons Skryb made, I think they were a fun way of finding out what the other players were doing. Not to mention Skryb put bonus stories at the end of his chapter detailing slices of life for the other players."
Fuse agreed, "Yeah, I really like it when other players that aren't the main character show up. Who's your favorite pick for a player side character? Personally, mine is Gruol. I think he showed up with Zavvox in the co-op chapter, after being name dropped for making like a thousand demons on the first day. Then I think in Replacement, it was revealed that Gruol's enemy was Corobos, who was the pyro archon from Genshin Impact, so Gruol ended up losing his fight and ended up acting as the dungeon boss in Doviro's first co-op dungeon."
Vagisilious blinked, "Uh, my favorite is… Uh, A, also from Replacement, because I liked the concept of a forgetful person in the clutches of that one evil guy from RWBY."
"Salem?"
"Yeah, her. Do you think A won her match?" Vagisilious question.
Fuse shrugged, "I don't know, I think Skryb forgot about her. Anyway, enough about this, let's move on."
D Tier
Developer Commentary (Old Version)
"What?! This is way too funny to be in D Tier!" Fuse immediately started to throw hands.
Vagisilious raised her hands in surrender, "I think it's funny too! I just think the new one is better!"
Fuse shook his head, "Have you read both of them? The relationship between Cereal and Jaeger in both versions was the funniest shit I've ever seen! This deserves a C tier ranking!"
"Developer Commentary doesn't deserve a B tier ranking, and I'm not putting both Developer Commentaries in C tier." Vagisilious firmly defended her decision.
Fuse crossed his arms, "Fine, I'll just have you know I want to punch you."
Vagisilious raised her eyebrow, "Between peak me and peak you, you don't beat me in a fight, I'm pretty sure."
Fuse tilted his head, "What? How do you know that?"
"I got the script of the ending that'll happen in like, 5 years," Vagisilious explained, "And, well, no spoilers, but I'm pretty sure I beat you in 5 years."
Fuse humphed, "Well, I beat you today, and that's all that matters."
C Tier
Developer Commentary
"Oh, you just put the new version over the old version? That's hilarious." Fuse said without laughing.
"I know, I'm a comedy genius." Vagisilious puffed out her chest.
"Your tits are tiny, why are you doing that?"
"Shut up."
Fuse decided to ignore her, but also decided to talk about Developer Commentary, "Personally, again like with a lot of Skryb's ideas, this was a great concept, but horrible execution. Cereal and Jaeger were comedy gold together, and Skryb did absolutely nothing with it."
Vagisilious said, "Yeah, also, Cereal recruited the hillichurl monsters to his company, right? And then they did nothing with them?"
"No, they were busy worshiping the meat god, don't you know? It's a very busy job that they had," Fuse pointed out.
Vagisilious snorted, "Meat god, heh."
"Also, Cereal's enemy had a yandere god on his side, right?" Fuse asked, getting a nod from Vagisilious, "Do you think he was a bottom or top?"
Vagisilious raised an eyebrow, "He was obviously a bottom, how is that even a valid question?"
Fuse ah'd, and waved towards Vagisilious "Fair point, moving on…"
C Tier
PvP Shorts: Y/N Dabi Clone
"Y/N Dabi Clone is C tier? Vagisilious, you criminal, he doesn't deserve this!" Fuse shouted, leaning over to her side.
"I need stuff in the C tier, man! And out of all of the PvP shorts, this is the one that I thought was kind of just the most eh." Vagisilious defended herself for the thousandth time that day.
"Y/N Dabi Clone isn't like other boys! It's hilarious and definitely deserving of the B tier!" Fuse defended the work of art.
Vagisilious shook her head, "Maybe if it was longer! It's just 1.6 thousand words of pure meh!"
Fuse pulled out his gun, named Washington, and aimed it straight towards her.
Vagisilious wasn't impressed as she just pointed up, "We settled that up there."
Fuse reluctantly pulled down Washington.
"The gag about Y/N Dabi Clone not being like other guys was really funny though," Fuse defended.
Vagisilious nodded, "Yeah, that was really funny."
"And that final "shut the fuck up" was excellently placed," Fuse said.
"It was," Vagisilious agreed.
"And just his name was really funny." Fuse showed.
"It really is one of the names of all time," Vagisilious said.
"So it deserves B tier."
"No."
"Fuck you."
C Tier
Aura Liberation Gamer
"I think this one just suffered from Skryb's poor pacing abilities," Fuse gave his thoughts, then he continued, "But I think the idea was pretty cool. From MHA to RWBY, and bringing Moroes' ideas of liberation to that world."
Vagisilious hummed, "Yeah, it was a pretty cool idea. But it doesn't really make sense, does it? Because there's an in-universe reason for why nobody awakens everyone's auras."
Fuse tilted his head, "Is that fanon, or canon?"
Vagisilious shrugged, "I don't know, I haven't watched RWBY."
"I haven't watched it either," Fuse said, before continuing, "Anyways, yeah, Skryb's cooking abilities were showing its limits, and his limits were burning down the kitchen at record speed."
"Do you think Skryb learned anything about pacing from that fic?" Vagisilious asked.
Fuse opened the outline for Manifest Destiny, then he stared at her, "Nope. Does it look good for you?"
Vagisilious opened the outline for Time Capsule, then she stared at him, "Nope."
"We're doomed."
"Yeah, we really are."
Fuse hummed, "You know, did Skryb even watch RWBY before making his fic take place in RWBY?"
Vagisilious shook her head, "No, I don't think so. Which, I have to say, is a pretty bold move."
Fuse agreed with the sentiment, "Yeah, that is pretty bold and brash."
Vagisilious snapped her fingers, "More like belongs in the trash!"
They high-fived each other, "Eyyy!"
As they calmed down, Vagisilious checked her note card, "Oh, I think this one got hit by the kudos bot on Ao3…"
"My man." Fuse proudly nodded for no reason.
Vagisilious raised an eyebrow, "What?"
"My man." Fuse repeated, not elaborating.
Vagisilious sighed as she moved on, "Anything we liked from Moroes?"
"I think that guy is the reason why I exist," Fuse said, "I think he threw the domino in my direction."
Vagisilious tilted her head, "Dang, I don't know whether to thank him or not for that."
Fuse pointed Lincoln at her, "Thank him for making me exist."
Vagisilious frowned, "You know I can just heal that, right?"
Fuse groaned and whined, "I fucking hate healers, man. They're not fun at all."
"You're literally a priest."
"It's different."
"It's really not."
CTier
PvP Shorts: Together in Nazarick
"Do those guys show up in Time Capsule?" Fuse asked.
Vagisilious snorted as she quickly denied, "Oh, of course not. That wouldn't make any sense."
Fuse hummed, "I think the concept is pretty cool, and the way it's executed wasn't the worst."
Vagisilious nodded, "Yeah, that's what I think too. I liked the cafeteria scene, and I was kind of disappointed Skryb didn't do a second rendition of that later in that short."
"Yeah, the cafeteria scene was pretty good, but honestly I just liked Momonga freaking out." Fuse said.
Vagisilious chuckled, "Yeah, that was pretty good."
Then Fuse said, "I think it would've been a good idea to have a nod to those two in your fic."
"But the lore implications!" Vagisilious pointed out.
"Screw the lore, I think it's fun."
B Tier
PvP Shorts: Pyrovision Vs Speedrunner
Vagisilious put a finger on her chin, "Do you think Skryb watched this anime either?"
Fuse laughed, "Absolutely not." Then he moved onto the short itself, "This one is just pretty funny. The idea of a guy just named the letter 'a' and someone named Walnut going up against each other is pretty funny."
Vagisilious nodded, "Yeah, I especially liked a's scenes where he's doing all of these ridiculously named techs that obviously don't exist anywhere else."
Fuse chuckled, "I liked it when the uh, canon characters were just getting their asses kicked by the mentally ill girl, Walnut."
"Yeah! Walnut named her shadows ball 'magic balls of shadows' like that's going to change anything!" Vagisilious lightly laughed.
Fuse straightened himself in his chair as he overly seriously said, "Behold, my magic balls of shadows!"
They both laughed, as Fuse then moved on, "Anyways, I enjoyed Walnut just soloing the entire DxD verse and whats-her-face, Rias, crying about it."
Vagisilious nodded, "And then getting B-hopped by God."
Fuse nodded, "And then getting B-hopped by God."
"I also like the subtle dissing of China," Vagisilious mentioned, "I honestly don't know why people call Xi-Jiping Whinnie the Pooh, but it's hilarious."
"He's Chinese, Whinnie the Pooh is a bear, duh." Fuse answered.
"Fuse, that's just racism." Vagisilious wasn't very impressed, but Fuse just shrugged in return, so Vagisilious decided to just ignore it and move on.
B Tier
Momonga's Spellbook
Vagisilious blinked, "Huh, this was literally released… Yesterday."
Fuse chuckled, "That idiot. Couldn't hold his shot, huh?"
Vagisilious raised an eyebrow, "Weird way to phrase that but okay. Anyways, this fic, in my opinion, is worse than the inventory one. Mostly because of the ending though."
Fuse said, "Eh, I dunno, I kind of liked the ending. Especially when Skryb literally used a line break to make the Mom/onga joke."
Vagisilious nodded, "Yeah, that was funny. But everything else was just kind of mid."
"What about the legos?" Fuse questioned.
"That," Vagisilious paused, thinking it over before answering, "Was very funny."
"Wanna play with legos after this?" Fuse offered.
Vagisilious shrugged, "Sure, why not. Anyways, moving on…"
B Tier
Momonga's Inventory
Vagisilious chuckled, "Ah yes, my anti-review item. I haven't used this since the Heian Era."
Fuse tilted his head, "I don't get it."
Vagisilious looked at Fuse oddly, "What? How come? It's not that hard to understand. It's funny because of the absurdity of just bringing out an item that just so happens to fix whatever issue you're having."
Fuse shrugged, "I don't really find that funny."
Vagisilious stared at Fuse for a long and tough moment, before she pointed at him and accused, "Aha! You don't like it because you also get items that conveniently solve every issue you're having!"
"I beat your ass a moment ago, I can do it again."
B Tier
PvP Shorts: Glump (Evil)
"Skryb has always been a sucker for social media fics, huh?" Fuse mentioned, "Must be why his social media fic is the best PvP short."
Vagisilious nodded, "Yeah, I agree with Skryb, honestly. Seeing normal people's reactions to stuff is awesome. I like seeing their looks of disbelief."
Fuse hummed, "Hm… I don't think I have much of that in Manifest Destiny."
Vagisilious shrugged, "I only had the Yggdrasil forums, and then I have like a few scenes of people's reactions here and there. We can't just be all world-building."
"But do you know what the funniest part about this fic is?" Fuse asked, and once Vagisilious shook her head, he revealed, "The funniest thing isn't the fic itself, but the singular review it has on FFN, where it's a guy named "bluepotata" with a star platinum profile picture whose review literally just reads out 'funny.'"
Vagisilious snorted, "Funny."
Fuse nodded, "Yeah, absolutely hysterical. What's also hysterical is how this four thousand word short completely blows the original Replacement out of the water."
Vagisilious agreed, "Yeah, but that's mostly because Glump is just crack, and crack is a lot easier to do than whatever the heck Skryb was trying to pull off with Replacement."
Fuse agreed with the sentiment, "Yeah, definitely. By the way, if you put Manifest Destiny into A tier and Time Capsule into S-tier, I'm going to fight you again."
A Tier
Manifest Destiny & Time Capsule
"Oh, wait, you just put them together?" Fuse looked at her oddly, "Why? Who goes into S tier, then?"
"The fic that goes into S tier is whichever one is graced by the heavens and finishes first." Vagisilious said, then she realized, "Wait, you upload bi-weekly… Nevermind, the fic that goes into S-tier is the more popular one when it finishes."
Fuse was about to argue, but then he realizes, "Actually, that's fair. I'm multi-fandom anyways, so I'll get a wider range of viewers than your dead fandom."
Vagisilious raised her eyebrow once more, "You're a gamer fic, you're really unpopular in general. Not even mentioning the fact that you're political in a space that generally disdains real life politics. Especially with the way you keep bashing he-who-shall-not-be-named."
"You're a OC fic in a mostly dead fandom populated by people that mostly dislike OCs who'll click out of your fic on chapter 1 because of the way it's written and framed." Fuse countered, "You're in a similar spot as I am."
"Ah, that's fair," Vagislious conceded the point before boasting, "Well, I'd like to point out that on Ao3, my hits are 10 times your number, and on both Ao3 and FFN, I have way more kudos, bookmarks, favorites and follows, than you do."
"A temporary victory," Fuse waved it off, "I'll win in the end. It's the American way."
Vagislious snorted, "Tough luck, buddy. That's not happening with your quality of writing."
Fuse smiled beneath his mask, "Still readable, though, unlike your ungodly long chapters."
"My chapters are of perfectly reasonable length!" Vagisilious defended.
Fuse laughed it off, then asked, "By the way, did you lie when you were saying you were going to use the whole tier list? Because we still have nothing in S tier."
Vagisilious smirked, "I didn't lie, because what I actually have in S tier is…"
S Tier
Hot Fuse & Vagisilious sex fic
Fuse blankly stared at Vagisilious's 'I think I'm so funny' face.
Then, Fuse asked, "Isn't your endgame love interest going to be upset about that? Like, that goat guy? Uh… Ulbert?"
"Yeah, but this is a funny joke! He'd get it!" Vagisilious said, still smiling at her own joke.
Fuse then raised his hand to start counting up, "1, that's kind of weird and fucked up. 2, I don't wanna have sex with you, a 4 foot tall young communist looking fairy monster-"
"Communist?"
Fuse continued, "3, I'd only date Americans and you, by your own admittance, don't consider yourself an American. 4, Skryb doesn't like smut so he'll never write it. 5, fuck you."
Vagisilious's face fell as Fuse finished, then she said, "Aw, darn. Couldn't you have played into my joke?"
Fuse laughed, "Absolutely not."
Vagisilious tried her best to look as cute and shy as possible, her eyes looking down to the floor as her hands were behind her back, "Oh, please, Fuse? Can't you be funny with me just this once?"
Fuse hummed, then he made an X with his arms, "Nah, this section needs to end anyways, so I think I'll end it on my own terms."
Vagisilious dropped her act and asked, "Oh? How?"
Fuse stretched his limbs for a moment before beginning to rant, "Have I ever told you how much I hate Donald Trump-"
"WAIT NO STOP YOU'LL UPSET MY READERS!"
"If your readers support Trump they shouldn't be-"
"STOP! NO! YOU'RE DELIBERATELY SABOTAGING MY FIC BY INJECTING IT WITH AMERICAN POLITICS!"
"Trump is and always will be a traitor to America-"
"STOP! STOP! KEEP THAT IN YOUR OWN FIC! CUT! CUT! SKRYB! CUUUUT! HELP! SKRYB! HEELP MEEE! CUUUT!"
"Remember to vote Democrat in 2024-"
"THAT'S GOING TO BE OUTDATED IN LIKE A YEAR WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?! SKRYYYYB! HEEELLLLP! CUT! CUT! CUUUUT!"
"Remember to vote Democrat in every election-"
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER AT ALL! WHERE IS MY CUT LINE SKRYYYYB?!"
AN:
You know some people are going to be pissed about Fuse and are currently furiously typing about it in the comments or reviews right now. It's basically guaranteed.
Fuse is, without a doubt, my funniest creation.
I will be reading all of your hate comments with a smile on my face because it brings me joy to see the suffering of others in the comment/review section.
Anyways, happy April Fools! It's January 2nd for me right now, since I was kind of lazy and didn't want to write chapter 12 of Time Capsule or chapter 13 of Manifest Destiny, so instead I wrote the short story 2 for April Fools, and I'll write the actual fight probably in February.
Or maybe I'll write the fight when I'm feeling lazy again, who knows.
Anyhow, I'll get to the actual AN after I finish writing the fight.
X
Okay, I finished the fight and it's actually March 3rd! Isn't it crazy how time flies?
Anyways, if you somehow didn't get the memo, this is a fight between the MCs of my 2 active fics.
If you want to see the other PoV, the chapter on Manifest Destiny is chapter 21 titled April Fools. You're obviously not gonna understand what's happening on his side, nor will most of you be able to resist the expertly placed bait called "The entire fic" which lures poor fools into the comment section to rant for my enjoyment.
I also decided to add in Plaze's short story because I thought the idea was funny. I did that like 2 days ago.
Anyways, Vagisilious lost, and Fuse won. Why? Well, lore-wise, Fuse had the better hax, so even though his base stats are lower than Vagisilious's, he had the tools in his arsenals to clutch out a win.
Meta-wise? He's my favorite. Why? Well, if you look at my other works, you might be able to figure out why.
Oh, by the way, I cooked up 2 MS Paint stuff.
(You know where it is.)
Ngl, I should've cut off the close-ups at the bottom, they're ass. But who cares, the terrible quality really adds flavor to it.
Oh, and the "Put Inside Revolutionary Battlefield" club is made up of Dottore, some fungi fellows, Dori, Nahida, the Guide from Terraria, a British bird, and now Vaggy.
Anyways, because I'm not writing 3 chapters a month anymore, and I'm about to start writing other things, the only chapter for April will probably be the Nazarick catch-up chapter. In May, I'll hopefully have finished my short crackship fic and get to work on my Hazbin fic, which will make me have 3 fics active at once. So, I promise 1 chapter a month with the decent possibility of 2 if I'm silly like that.
Anyways, feel free to leave a comment about any of that. My goal is to get at least a few comments complaining about Fuse or something.
