Chapter XI
A Faulty Amnesia
When was the last time that I got a good night's sleep or read my favourite novel? I cannot say, although I regret not getting back to it sooner. When Naruto finished his water, he and I stood in silence, staring at each other for a little while. Then he lay on his bed, showing me his back. I interpreted his gesture as an indirect request for solitude and I complied. Shortly after crossing the heavy metal door, I fainted, sleep taking me in its rivers of wonder; there were dreams, all forgotten.
Unconscious, I was brought back to my hospital bed. To my delight, my favourite books rested on my bedside table. I cannot tell the identity of the person who came to offer them to me, although I suspect Sakura. Either way, I don't care. My first instinct was to read as soon as my sight stabilized.
I had missed reading a lot, like a good hot meal that I ate with appetite shortly after regaining consciousness.
My chakra veins still hurt, but the pain is tolerable. All my muscles are stiff and sore. This is hardly surprising; I overworked them mercilessly, after all. Nevertheless, my body eternally thanked me for this day of rest that it desperately needed.
Beyond the window, twilight is gradually colouring the sky with its orange and purplish tones. I got up very late and slept like a baby. This tranquility that rocked me made me lose track of time. Surprised, but not surprised, no one came to visit me. I was probably left alone so that I could regain my strength. My physical state wasn't unknown to many, unlike my mental health which I hid behind a sad facade; I admit that I was on the verge of breaking up.
As my body, my mind is slowly healing.
As night fell, I immediately thought of Naruto. This bothers me and torments my thoughts which spin around to dizzy me. I wonder if he ate or drank today, and to say I'm anxious would be a euphemism. I am dying of worry. The blond won't be better if he only drinks a glass of water a day, of which I consume a few precious sips. Having looked more closely at his catastrophic physical state, he won't last long if he depends on me to quench his thirst…
Nevertheless, I will soon have an answer to my anguish since I hear the echo of footsteps approaching my room. The door opens and I recognize Lady Tsunade and Sakura. I put my book aside to give them my full attention. Unlike yesterday, their expression is much brighter; the dark clouds that hung over their skulls are no longer so dark and depressing.
"I see that you're feeling better already, Kakashi," Godaime says with a smirk.
"Indeed," I nod. "I assume you're not here for a checkup, am I wrong?"
"Absolutely," she confirms, crossing her arms. "You're expected there. Naruto just woke up."
Since I have to establish this bond of trust with the sapphire-eyed boy, that I return there at the end of the day was inevitable. Indirectly, this is my mission now and I will do everything I can to make it a success. Besides, I cannot wait to see him again. According to their facial features, things seem to be going well for him, but I am uncertain; I am unable to get rid of my pessimist.
"How is he? Did Naruto have—"
"You don't have to worry anymore. He's better," she cuts me off. "Thanks to you, he accepts the beverages offered to him… Not all of them, yes, but enough to keep him hydrated to a reasonable degree. However, there's still work to be done. He still refuses to eat. As a precaution, we had mixed tasteless and odourless protein powders into his water."
"Does he drink them?"
Lady Tsunade nods. In response, I let out a sigh of relief. Her words reassure me and calm my anxieties. If Naruto can be tricked in this way, we've ruled out the danger of malnutrition for now … although he's already in the malnutrition state. Obviously, this solution is temporary until he accepts a suitable diet, even liquid.
"I see. Give me a few minutes."
"Don't take too long, Kakashi."
"Understood."
It's only then that I turn my attention to Sakura who—until now—has been content to be silent.
"Sakura, and you? How are you?"
"Don't worry about me," she reassures me, smiling. "Focus on Naruto. That he gets better… That's all I ask."
She smiles, but her smile is fake; the evils lurking in her heart crack her fragile mask which threatens to collapse at any moment. She shares concerns similar to mine. I wouldn't be surprised if she were grieving overnight, sometimes shedding a few tears. I understand her. Between Sasuke and Naruto… Without forgetting myself who did as he pleased until I got in such a sorry state…
Her emotions are legitimate.
I don't insist further and nod silently. Right now, as she said so well, my priority is Naruto.
- XxX -
As agreed, I take the path leading to Naruto. Although I am much more lucid and not collapsing from fatigue, I am excruciatingly tense and nervous. No matter how much I think, make my brain works, I don't know how to build this bond of trust with my amnesic student and therefore, get closer to him.
Should I continue to have one-way conversations? Should I try to establish a first physical contact? Should I help him regain his memory by recalling the past? But in doing so, I risk reminding him of traumatic events that could trigger a violent crisis. Moreover, I suspect his brain of unconsciously and fiercely forgetting any event related to this month of abduction; an entire month of horrors I dread to imagine.
In all this, is he even ready?
This can have disastrous consequences when a person is forced to face their demons if they're not ready. I greatly hesitate; I agonize at being so indecisive. Why did it fall on me? The issue of mental health isn't my forte, not at all. I feel helpless in the unknown…
After a little routine check, I enter the observation room. To my surprise, I am greeted by Shikamaru and one of the scientists from the day before.
"Kakashi-Sensei! Good evening!"
"Yo," I automatically greet him.
Saying so, I notice that Shikamaru is busying his hands with a Chinese wooden puzzle, more precisely a kingou wooden rope puzzle. At first glance, it looks complex. I must have lingered on it a little too long since the youngster notes my curiosity.
"Oh, that? I bought it the other day," he explains to me in a jaded tone. "We're dead bored in here, although I solved it a long time ago."
"I see."
Nonchalantly, I observe what is happening on the screens. Quickly, I take a look at the paperwork piled up and spread out on the desk. The team has been busy seeing the many documents, notes, books and parchments that occupy the suffocating surface. It's only then that I see Naruto sitting on his bed… However, I notice something different. Instead of burying his face behind his knees or contemplating the infinite void, he stares at the hallway and entrance with great intensity.
"You noticed that too, right?" Shikamaru guesses, referring to this rather "drastic" change in behaviour given the circumstances.
He hurries on showing me a video as he taps on the machine. The screen sizzles for a few seconds before the image stabilizes.
What I see next leaves me speechless.
Naruto isn't lying still or curled up on himself. Instead, he paces in the cell. A metallic sound dispels the silence, indicating that someone is about to enter. Immediately, Naruto approaches the prison bars and places his palms on them. He sticks his head up through one of the openings to stare down the hallway, wagging his tail like an enthusiastic canine.
Despite the poor quality of the image, I manage to see his curious face which twists in fear before the individual, a tray of food in hand, falls into his field of vision. As he has done since his captivity, the teenager hastens to regain his place under the bed in order to hide there.
The obviousness strikes me.
He's waiting for someone.
And that someone is me.
"It's been that way since your visit last night," Shikamaru confirms, crossing his arms. "Godaime was right. You're the only one who can approach him and gain his trust. No need to show you the extracts where we tried to enter. Well, that hasn't changed."
Regarding Naruto, everything is on me and it weighs down my poor weakened shoulders. I am both worried and relieved. In the best of all worlds, I shouldn't be the only person to whom he offers a chance. I wonder if it's because—deep down—he recognizes me since we've spent so much time together. Somewhere, I come to doubt; it's likely that his amnesia isn't total as initially suspected…
"I don't think Naruto has 100% amnesia," says the youngster, who shares the same suspicions as me. "If that was really the case, everything we know doesn't stick. Especially the way he came back to the village."
"Came back? What do you mean?" I question him with a frown.
Shikamaru observes me with a surprised pout, as if I had just asked a stupid question; at that, his almost black-brown irises betray a hint of confusion.
"You don't know?"
"… In all honesty, no," I admit nervously.
I am the worst imbecile. I never inquired about the circumstances of his return to Konohagakure. Although I was crazy-headed, not to mention the exhaustion that was altering my brain function… This doesn't excuse this outrageous negligence on my part. To help my traumatized student and therefore better understand and reach him, this information is invaluable.
Shikamaru sighs. Fortunately, he doesn't comment on my ignorance.
"According to the reports, Naruto returned to the village on his own. It was Izumo and Kotetsu who saw him show up in front of the large main gates. He was seriously injured and would've bled to death if no one had seen him in time."
This revelation drives me to silence. The information seems implausible to me taking into account the state of his psyche, at first glance completely broken. In addition, to know that our reunion did indeed almost happen in a morgue… My heart is crushed in a vice of pain.
"Do you think Naruto would've found his way back unconsciously?" I ask after the time of a breath.
"Possible. But there's something else that leads me to believe that part of his memory lingers."
Shikamaru starts rummaging through the mess. He fumes to himself, annoyed that he cannot find what he's looking for. Eventually, his silent complaints die down when he finally gets his hands on it: Naruto's forehead protector that is in a bad shape. The fabric is damaged and slightly scorched, including the metal part on which there is a crack crossing it from top to bottom, to the right of the engraving. According to the depth and form, a claw is the culprit, implying that the culprit is Naruto himself.
"He came back with this in his hands," he explains. "He was holding it so tightly that it took at least three people to pull it from him while he was still passed out."
This headband… I remember Iruka had already told me about it at some point. It once belonged to Iruka himself before being entrusted to Naruto after his graduation, and that was one of my student's greatest prides; a precious object that he held in the apple of his eye. This is such that he had risked his life to recover it during our confrontation against Momochi Zabuza, the ninja deserter of Kiri. Despite the emptiness that fills his mind, his emotional attachment remains. Otherwise, Naruto wouldn't have had any interest in keeping and hugging him so fiercely to demonstrate exceptional strength.
"Indeed. Naruto cares a lot about it," I say, grabbing the shinobi headband.
"My theory is that pieces of his memory still abstractly linger."
"If you factor those things into the equation, very likely."
An idea arises.
"If we give it back to him, maybe he'll remember something?"
"Doing it so soon, Godaime disagrees," Shikamaru sighs. "But if it can help us to gather Intel in order to demystify all this mess and move things forward… I mean, it could work if it's you who do it."
I nod. The decision is final. If giving it back can bring the boy I know back to the surface, I'm willing to take the risk and bear the consequences. I am the best placed to do it, maybe the only one. Besides, I doubt that Naruto wanted to take it with him for no reason.
As I prepare to speak, I am cut off when the man in the white coat taps the youngster on the shoulder.
"Don't forget to relay Lord Hokage's order to him."
Shikamaru's eyes widened, as if struck by an epiphany. This time, he rummages in the drawers and pulls out all kinds of bandage rolls and a medicinal ointment that he gives me.
"Since we can't approach him to treat and clean his wounds, it'd be up to you to do that … well, try, should I say," Shikamaru tells me, unconvinced.
"I'll give it a shot," I sigh, anxious to step into the personal space of a wary, aggressive Naruto that can ignite in a human torch.
Although treating his wounds is a priority, I cannot force things and sabotage the fragile progress I have with my student. If I lose this insignificant little link, if you can call it a link, I fear that no one can take over and therefore gain his trust. I have no room for error and I feel as if I'm walking on broken glass that cuts my soles raw. All I can do is go on and endure, hold on without showing my pain. I must become this sturdy pillar to which he can cling with confidence. If I weaken, he will refuse to cling to it, that is understood.
It's time to enter the lair of the beast a second time.
