Chapter XXVI

See What I See and Understand Me

Since I plan to pack some of his things once at his apartment, I brought my bag. Also, I offered my spare sandals to Naruto. Fortunately, we have about the same shoe size; I feared he would have to accommodate to them like my oversized clothes. These at his feet, I open the door of my home for the first time since I host the feral teenager. As I suspected, Naruto shows reluctance to come out and just stands there with his head down.

"Come on. Everything will be all right. You are with me, Naruto," I reassure him, extending my hand to him with a cheerful face. "No one will hurt you in the slightest."

The sapphire-eyed boy freezes in place as his eyes don't leave my hand, so much that he has stopped blinking … but what worries me is his hands clasping together on his chest before taking a step back. I frown, confused; I observe my hand in order to find the reason for his abrupt reaction which resembles fear. Not helping the situation, his bluish irises contemplating the void seem very dark to me all of a sudden.

When his breath quickens a bit, I gently close the door and approach cautiously. He jumps when I place my palms on his shoulders.

"Naruto," I softly call out. "What's wrong?"

Naruto avoids my gaze; at that, a tear slides down his cheek. I clench my fingers in his shoulders in spite of myself as my black eye tries to connect with his blue ones.

"Naruto! You have to tell me what's going on! It doesn't matter how! I can't guess!"

The blond grinds his teeth before starting to shake. Looking at his furrowed brows, I cannot decipher his emotions. Anger? Fear? Sadness? A mixture of the three? I have absolutely no idea. Nevertheless, I am determined not to let him go and force him to tell me in his own way what is wrong, to push him beyond his limits if necessary. I don't know what I could have done to put him in such emotional shock, but as long as Naruto remains silent, unable to communicate, I will do it again in spite of myself. Although unlikely, I want to avoid losing this bond of trust with him at all costs.

"Naruto!" I insist once more, raising my voice, causing him to jump.

Naruto makes a barely audible complaint. For my part, I still try to plunge my gaze into his, which dodges me as if his life depended on it. After the time of a breath, he lowers his head and seems to calm down little by little despite the persistent jolts. He then puts a hand to his throat, which he squeezes hard enough to scratch his skin. Before I can stop him, Naruto releases his own grip; his sharp fingernails briefly scarred his neck with reddish, invisible scratches. Hesitantly, he slowly brings his trembling hands to my face. Apprehensively, I let him touch me. His cold palms on my cheeks tickle me with their painless shocks of electricity and his claws gently prick my skin. In response, I hold my breath.

Naruto looks up; his irises shining like a thousand raging fires seize mine. From then on, I can no longer break this eye contact as my whole body refuses to obey me; to this, even my mind cannot construct the slightest thought. Time becomes an abstract notion. My senses don't know how to translate the outside world anymore. An icy cold spreads in my flesh, in my veins, causing imaginary chilblains; infernal tingling proliferates in all my muscles, in my epidermis.

There's only me and Naruto left in this universe that has ceased to exist.

Suddenly, Naruto disappears like a mirage on the misty seas. Freed from this strange trance to which I was a slave of it, from all these sensations that assailed my body, I look around me. Confused, I raise an eyebrow. I am alone. I am no longer at home. I'm in an unfamiliar hallway with dirty walls and worn out by time. They are motionless, but I have the feeling that they become narrower and narrower with each blink of an eye; a nameless terror seizes me when these walls stick to my skin. With jerky breath, I close my eye and stretch out my arms to push them away… However, my hands only touch the void. By opening my eyelid, I see that they have returned to their initial position.

A hand on my heart, I take deep breaths to calm myself down. Still shaking, probably pale as a sheet, I realize that I'm under the influence of Naruto and he just put me under genjutsu. The whole thing reminds me far too much of that nightmarish dream where I drowned, not to mention that this fear that knots my throat and makes my stomach upset refuses to leave me. I forced Naruto to tell me what was wrong; he must have resorted to using his eye powers because of me. It must be a last resort for him if I trust his reaction to his time in the cage when I confronted him on the subject.

Since Naruto has agreed to answer me in his own way, I can only embrace this illusion with open arms.

Not knowing where to go, I follow my instinct by taking one of the two suggested directions; if he's the master of his technique, no matter the path, I will go where he wants, that is understood. I walk ahead of me, one step at a time. The atmosphere is heavy and anxiety-provoking. The biting cold numbs my skin. Nevertheless, I continue to progress in this oppressive silence.

Time as empty as these corridors, I finally see a path on my right. As I sneak in, I stop. Not far from me, I notice me and Naruto walking side by side holding hands. Taken aback by this image of myself, I frown and observe carefully.

'What are you trying to show me, Naruto?' I whisper, following the two illusionary entities.

The echo of my footsteps tears through the leaden silence, but they don't turn their heads; I must somehow not exist. I note that the ebony tail is restless and betrays great anxiety in my student. Obviously, he's afraid to be here. Something is bothering him…

What happens next chills my blood.

This ghost sporting my appearance abandons Naruto in what looks like a cage. As the teenager screams cries of agony and despair, this Kakashi doesn't even turn his head, not the slightest glance. Next to this being in my image who gives me chills, I transcribe in his face nothing but contempt and hatred. Since I know there is no point in helping Naruto in the grip of indescribable distress, I can only helplessly watch him release torrents of grief. Seeing him like this breaks my heart.

It all intertwined when Naruto shoots raging lightning that blinds me, forcing me to raise an arm to cover my eyes…

When I open my eye again, I am back in reality. I gasp in loudly as if I hadn't breathed for long minutes. I am also sweaty, almost drenched. Naruto is in front of me and I'm holding his shoulders so tight that my fingers have dug into his flesh, beyond the lent coat. Meanwhile, the blond no longer touches my face, but he keeps his head down and fiercely avoids any retinal contact.

It takes me a few breaths, but I manage to regain my composure. I see everything again in mind, my brain analyzes what I have just witnessed. I understand this is what Naruto dreamed about yesterday. No possible doubt; I'm sure that's it. What he was experiencing in this sleepy realm of fear was so terrible that his lightning manifested into reality. This nightmare reflects the fear of abandonment that we already suspected. He's afraid that I'll abandon him and worse, that I'll lock him up again before turning on my heels, never to come back… Naruto must be thinking that by taking my hand, I'll take him where he doesn't want to be since that's what happened in his dream. My simple gesture must have awakened traumas anchored in him since these nightmares are the manifestation of these said traumas that haunt him…

All in all, I finally understand his sudden reaction and his emotions.

To calm his anxieties, I embrace Naruto in a hug full of sweetness.

"You don't have to worry, Naruto. I will not abandon you. You can trust me," I reassure him, squeezing him even more tightly.

After a brief hesitation, the feral boy hugs me back; he snuggles into my arms, his black tail reinforces the embrace as it wraps around the both of us. After a few moments, we separate from each other. However, I miss a heartbeat when I notice blood flowing from his eyes; at that, his breathing skyrockets. Before I can do anything, Naruto drops to his knees, on all fours, and lets out a wail of pain.

My heart races. I stand at his level and place my hands on his shoulders.

"What's wrong, Naruto? What's happening to you?" I ask in a shaky voice.

The teenager roughly rubs his eyes. It seems that his ocular techniques greatly exhaust him and carry a certain risk… Is this the reason for his refusal to use them to communicate? Possible. Since Naruto had jumped out of me before rushing to hide under the covers the first time, we easily missed this rather alarming detail. If I think of that last time, he should be fine, although I don't know how long he'll need to recover. I can only wait…

A feeling of guilt seizes my whole being, strikes me unceremoniously. Although relieved to know what is going on in his mind, the regrets come to torment me with mischief and dismay.

The blood wiped away, the blond finds comfort in my arms and lays his head against my chest. His unsteady breathing still betrays his great fatigue, but he no longer trembles.

"I'm sorry I did this to you," I whisper, stroking his electrically charged hair.