It was now two days before Christmas and the snow was falling on the city, slow and light. Kisame watched it from the glass of that window that hadn't been part of his life for some time now. Sometimes, half asleep at Obito and Madara's house, he had been convinced that he was still in that room, surrounded by his books of him, posters of surfers and bodybuilders, pictures of the sea and his photographs of him. The house where you were born is never forgotten. It was all still there, no one had touched or moved anything. He could be sure, knowing her, that on occasion her mother had sat down at her desk with tears in her eyes.
Snow falls at Christmas, it's normal, it's exactly as it should be and as everyone expects. If there were forty degrees in December it would be decidedly against nature, creating a disaster.
And he had collected enough disasters to want to be against nature.
His parents had finally accepted his desire to study motor sciences, they had also offered him their willingness to help him financially as a result it wasn't so much the case of pulling the rope further wanting at all costs forty degrees at Christmas or making snow fall in August . He sighed looking at the roofs of the houses that gradually turned white, he was still on what he liked to call forced holidays, but despite everything that morning he had woken up very early.
That I love you that Madara had dedicated to him after four and a half years if he still felt it spinning in his ears. He hadn't had the courage to ever say such words to him, he wasn't sure, Madara's contrasting attitude had always filled him with doubts.
Was it love for me? I do not know…
Kisame had tried to contact him several times just to give both him and Obito Christmas wishes, however he never received a reply.
Maybe they need time, you have to let events take their course and everything will automatically resolve itself, when I least expect it.
Meanwhile his parents had allowed him to move back in with them. They were smiling, even his father, evidently regretting the tremendous discussion that had led him to leave home, breaking off relations. Bearing a grudge had never been a characteristic of him nor of his parents, that's why they had gradually reconnected. In any case, it had to be admitted that the conversation about his relationship with Madara had never come out again.
Let's get Christmas through, then if necessary we'll face each other again.
He turned the charm with the silver skull over between his fingers, he hadn't taken off that bracelet since Madara had given it to him and no one had asked him where it came from.
Although it was early by now, sleep had passed, he put on a black and white suit without putting on anything else either above or below, since he was a child, in fact, he suffered tremendously from the heat in any season. He arranged his hair in front of the round bathroom mirror, still his usual crew cut slightly pushed forward. He ran the gel through without drying it, his hair was so thick and strong that it didn't need a quick blow-dry to keep its shape.
He reached the living room, pausing for a moment to admire the decorations in the room. Few things had changed since he was a child, but this time it seemed to him much better than all the previous occasions combined. The only difference was represented by the fact that the real spruce that the family used to use during his childhood had been replaced by a synthetic one following the bad experience several years earlier: the excessive proximity of the fireplace and too much heat they had dried ahead of time. He smiled for a moment thinking about that scene.
How old was I then? Maybe I was in seventh grade. Sasori, are you out of the community? How are you spending Christmas in there?
He shook his head, the distance in time keeping those memories from hurting him again.
He sat on the sofa, the decorations of the tree consisted of multicolored spheres, puppets and festoons of different shapes. Almost a jumble. His mother had always done this, she was constantly afraid of leaving something flowers: "Shall we not wear this? Come on, it's cute after all."
Thus came out that explosion of bright colors and apparently meaningless figures. Kisame smiled again, after all no one had ever had a Christmas tree in that style and he could be proud of it. Several packages lay underneath waiting to be unwrapped, including the drop-shaped earrings for his mother that he had chosen with Madara.
I didn't give you anything, I didn't have the time. If you had allowed me to stay with you I would have certainly found something that would have surprised you and made those beautiful eyes widen. He sighed feeling a feeling of emptiness in his chest, on the other hand if Madara thought it right that things ended up like this between them he certainly couldn't force anyone. His heavenly eyes fell on the three orange stockings hanging on the fireplace, they had always been one each and, during the holidays, they were progressively filled with surprise treats waiting to be unwrapped on Epiphany day. He remembered the efforts he made as a child not to open his hand, which had always been the middle one, ahead of time. But maybe he could have indulged in some advance delicacies anyway, so he walked towards the kitchen door behind him. He knew that his mother had prepared something delicious, he had smelled coming out of the kitchen the previous day as he returned in the afternoon after walking around downtown.
I know because I went, hoping to meet someone, maybe Kiba or Naruto.
When he had left the house Kisame didn't want to admit to himself that that was the real reason, but the disappointment he had felt upon returning had slammed him in front of reality.
I don't have to think about it, now I have to enjoy the holidays to the fullest.
His intuitions had been right, in the middle of the table there was an oval silver tray with the delicious coconut sweets that he had eaten so many times and that he was crazy about. He took one even before sitting down, he paid attention not to take it from the top so as not to notice the lack of him and she stuffed it in her mouth enjoying it to the fullest.
"You can take as many as you like, I made them especially for you, I know you like them a lot."
He had heard his mother's voice even before her presence, it was amazing how silent she managed to be. She must have gotten up much earlier than him, she had already had time to put on her makeup, fix her hair and put on a blue floral dress.
The earrings I gave you will match perfectly.
"I'll gladly take one too" Kisame smiled seeing how she puffed out her cheeks after stuffing it whole mouth.
"So, did you organize something for Christmas with some friends?"
"No, mom, nothing at all"
I have to admit that I don't have any friends, for the umpteenth time.
"In this case she will mean that we will stay with the family like in the old days, you don't know how happy I am" the woman's eyes had become watery as she grabbed her son's hands.
The day had passed quietly as if all the previous events had not existed, they had all had lunch together and then went to a shopping center in the afternoon, they were all back to normal, even the father. Kisame was trying to see some answers by scrutinizing those blue eyes only slightly darker than his, but the parent managed to hide everything perfectly.
Or are you really happy because you missed these things too? My presence doesn't bother anyone if I avoid the August snow falling, then.
The naturalness and lightness with which that day passed were part of the sensations that Kisame had long since lost. However, one thought had always snaked through his heart, becoming more and more intense. A hope that he had begun by barely whispering but which began to be felt more and more as the days went by. And so, on Christmas Eve he screamed so loudly that he forced Kisame to open his eyes for the umpteenth time at dawn. It took him a few seconds to realize where he was, but he had to admit that the realization that he hadn't woken up next to Madara stabbed him like a stab. He sighed turning his face towards the bedside table, yes, he was terrified of pressing that button.
Courage, the sooner you know the less your anguish will last, you'll get over it anyway.
This thought made his hand move to grab his cell phone, he turned it on anxiously waiting for it to boot up. Nothing, he remained inexorably silent as he had been for days. No calls, no messages.
It's still early, damn it, otherwise I would have tried to call you.
Although he was awake, he didn't have the slightest desire to get up, he knew that feeling too well, in reality it was tired of facing life. It happened to him at times when he felt alone and couldn't find his way out of something. He passed his right arm behind his neck feeling the cold of the silver of his little skull with diamond eyes. The phone rang, the sound of a message. That little trill had the power to bring him back to life, he felt like a tear that violently pulled him out of the darkness.
Happy Eve, Kisame! We haven't seen each other in a while, in fact it's been a long time since everyone has seen you. What are you doing this afternoon? I'm in the center to make the last gifts, you know how it is, the last minute ones! Would you like a coffee or an aperitif?
Sarana.
Kisame sighed, no, that definitely wasn't the message he had wanted to read.
More than the message it was not the person I wanted to read.
However he wondered if maybe Sarana hadn't remembered him at just the right moment, maybe it was a sign that she was making him understand that he should stop disappointing and hurting people, especially her family. He stop making it snow in August. After all, his parents had shown that they loved him by welcoming him back immediately as if nothing had happened, even avoiding talking about Madara. He grabbed his cell phone sure he was doing the right thing.
Thank you and happy Eve to you too, you don't know how happy I was to receive your message. I accept your invitation with great pleasure!
After a few minutes, giggles, smileys, hearts and Christmas images had started from the girl. This went on all day even while he was at the table with his parents.
"Gosh, who is texting you all the time, Kisame?" the father had asked him this question with a smile, however there was something strange in his face, her lips were a little asymmetrical and her eyes did not narrow, a sign that her expression was not completely sincere.
"No, nothing, it's Sarana, a classmate of mine" Kisame tried to minimize already foreseeing the reactions of the parents who in fact arrived a few seconds later.
"Oh Kisame, how beautiful, a girl!" exclaimed his mother hugging him and giving him a kiss on his forehead.
The father's smile became sincere, now he was nodding in approval.
I know, the snow in August is a problem for everyone, who am I to force you into this?
The thought of Madara continued to excavate his mind anyway, he would have liked to at least know how he was and wish him well. After lunch he locked himself in his room to try to call him discovering that the line was disconnected as if it had been deactivated. Kisame sighed realizing in that moment that Obito, despite the several years of even superficial knowledge, had never left him his number.
Yet I visited his house every day, I lived there, what a strange person!
The concern for Madara did not subside, on the contrary, this fact of her disconnected phone had the power to increase it further, it seemed that she had found some superficial wounds but Kisame was starting to wonder if by chance it hadn't been the case. As he was getting ready to go to meet Sarana he decided that one of these days he could stop by Obito's house. Even if he learned that Madara intended to break up with him permanently, she still had a right to know what had happened to him. Obito could not claim to deny him this answer.
Kisame put on his brown leather jacket over a black ribbed turtleneck sweater, dressy jeans in the same color, and matching brown ankle boots with the jacket. His parents greeted him smiling as he left, he hadn't seen their eyes shine like that for many years now.
I started letting them down a long time ago, probably since after I entered middle school, it's time to fix the mistake.
He felt serene heading towards the center where he would meet Sarana, confident that his problems would finally be just a bad memory. He felt the opaline quartz in direct contact with his skin, he begged it to work once more.
He received a message from the girl, accompanied by the usual little drawings, as soon as he had immersed himself in the Christmas atmosphere of the street, always the same, always the same, but he changed his appearance and the sensations transmitted each time.
It's not the road that changes, it's me.
Sarana was the first to see him, she greeted him from a distance being careful not to drop the countless packages and envelopes in her hand. She wore a red coat and styled her long, straight brown hair in high, soft waves.
"How long, Kisame, how are you?" she hugged him without giving him time to say anything.
He felt like a piece of wood, he wasn't able to return the gesture or even say a word. He was amazed at this rigidity, it had never happened to him with anyone and he couldn't let go despite all his good will. The girl smiled happily making the usual dimples form on her cheeks, her dark eyes shone with joy, always made up in her simple and natural way.
After all, she's pretty, there's no denying that.
"Do you mind if I finish making a few more presents? If you want to give me some advice of course they will be of great help."
"Very willingly, even if I don't know the people who have to receive them" Kisame smiled mindful of the fact that a few days before Madara had asked him the same thing being also very satisfied with the choices he had made.
I might be fine with her in the end.
"How are you doing now, Kisame? Do you always work at the pizzeria?" she had taken his arm, since she was loaded with envelopes he offered to help her by taking some of the ones bigger than her, making her face light up even more from her delicate oval.
"Right now I'm on sick leave, I'll resume after New Year's."
"Damn, what happened to you?" Sarana had stopped her walk looking worried.
He smiled to play down: "Nothing, just a little sickness for being too tired, but that's okay, at least I can enjoy some holidays too."
The girl's face had calmed down: "Besides, with all the sport you do, you should take care of yourself a little more."
They started walking again, of course Kisame didn't intend to tell her about the real reason that had been the basis of everything. Soon he realized that going to shops with Sarana wasn't as much fun as it had been in Madara's company, always very indecisive, she asked him for advice only to do the opposite immediately afterwards. She spent almost the whole afternoon choosing a gift for a friend of his, finally deciding on an underwear set that Kisame had found too inadequate and vulgar.
I better pretend I like it or we risk staying here until tomorrow.
He thought that Sarana was simply like all women, they are never satisfied with anything and they take forever before choosing something, he smiled thinking that this only happened to him in front of the ice cream shop window.
"Well, I think it's now time for an aperitif, would you like Kisame?" her sweet little voice tickled his ears.
"With great pleasure, but I'd like to see one more thing first if you don't mind."
Kisame pretended to want to look at the window of a watch shop just out of curiosity, but the truth was that when Sarana had offered him an aperitif they were dangerously close to the bar where he had met Madara for the first time and where they had returned together a few days earlier, he feared that the strong emotions that would inevitably grip him would surely be picked up by the girl.
I see Madara's ghost everywhere and the reflection of that day I spent with him, the last one. I hope time dulls both.
Kisame pretended to soon exhaust her false curiosity about watches so Sarana was free to choose the place she liked best.
"This is a very small place but they have so many delicious things to eat that you can almost eat dinner there."
In fact, the venue chosen by Sarana was little larger than a corridor, with only five minimal-style tables with aluminum finishes. On the other hand, the counter was overflowing with everything from appetizers to real dishes, even pieces of sushi. To make up for the very limited space, the environment was all built around the colors of very light blue shaded with white and pastel lilac. Kisame had never been inside and he was happy to have known that small but very pleasant place.
Sarana had taken a sweet and sparkling wine to accompany with small pastries and wafers spread on the abundant chocolate cream. Kisame smiled looking at her plate.
"You know, during the holidays I enjoy it a bit, it's a time when a little bit of everything is allowed, what do you think?" the irresistible dimples on her cheeks were showing again.
"I think you're absolutely right" Kisame replied toasting with the white prosecco with which she accompanied a plate of sushi.
"I have a gift for you" the girl, after taking the first sip of hers, tilted her head to one side, winking.
Kisame had an unpleasant but slight sensation of feeling like there was no way out, however he tried to push it down by scolding himself for getting lost in this stupid idea even if only for a moment.
"I don't know what to say… I have nothing for you."
"It doesn't matter, Kisame, your presence is enough for me" and she handed him a small, very fine and elegant white package.
He swallowed as he caught it between his fingers, the earlier sensation returning to give him a little stab as the ghost of his last day with Madara was still before his eyes. Sarana beamed as he opened the packet. It was a bracelet with a very thick rubber cord and braided with a black and silver plate on the front, a very small diamond was set on the dark part.
"Very fine, I don't know how to thank you" Kisame immediately regretted the tone that had come out involuntarily, he felt that he was overshadowed by a note of embarrassment.
"But you already have a bracelet, sorry I only see it now, which is also very beautiful. Is it a special gift?" Sarana's face seemed to have darkened a little.
"No, I bought it myself, I liked it. No problem, there are two wrists and there is room for yours too."
The girl laughed in amusement while Kisame, feeling his heart sink into the ground, fastened the bracelet on his left, then he forced himself to return her smile.
"Have you decided what you're going to do for New Year's yet? I am at the house of a friend of our age but who attends another school. Since he also has a house in the country we can make as much noise as we want without disturbing anyone. Everyone brings something to eat or drink, a friend of mine who is very good at singing will do karaoke. Many of our comrades will be present, in short, I'm sure we will have a lot of fun. Would you like to come as well? His name is Kiba the boy."
Kisame felt an emptiness in his chest and was sure he had suddenly turned pale.
He knows Kiba. Maybe even Naruto and Obito?
"Kisame what's going on, are you okay?" Sarana furrowed her eyebrows slightly.
"Of course I'll come, thanks for the invitation!" Kisame wanted to toast again.
I have to go to Kiba's. Naruto will definitely be there and maybe Obito too, I have the right to have some clarification.
As he walked towards the house bundled up in the leather jacket and with his hands in his pockets, several thoughts crowded Kisame's mind. He wondered how he could be still seeing Sarana. Perhaps it was normal that he now looked for similarities with Madara in her, on the other hand it had just ended and in such an abrupt way that it would have been normal to have patience allowing yourself time to elaborate.
Maybe I'm just using it to go to Kiba's? No... I accepted today's invitation when I still didn't know anything.
He also had to admit that he hadn't seen his parents this happy in a lifetime, the knowledge that people suffered because of him was something that he had always had the power to destroy him inside, he had never been able to accept it.
And then the party at Kiba's. At the time he'd been tempted to refuse not knowing how to handle the inevitable intense emotions he'd feel when he saw them again, but he had to know. Madara had declared his love for he a few days before and he was certain that in that moment he was sincere as he had never been in his life. Perhaps Obito would also be present and then yes he would see the tension skyrocket.
After I've had my explanations I'll leave everyone alone, I understand that it can't snow in August.
