Chapter LIX
Winds of Violence
TW: Food Disorder
I needed a few more days to recover and regain enough chakra. I wake up at twilight, and Naruto is already up, ready to say good morning in his own way by hugging me with all his limbs. I offer him some tea while I take a shower. I'm expecting a visit. Sakura and Shikamaru are on their way.
It's been a while since Naruto last saw Shikamaru, and I wonder if his absence has left a void in him. Although he sees Sakura daily, he doesn't seek to deepen his relationship with her. He seems indifferent. If she tries to make physical contact, the blond arches his back and moves away to enter my personal space; if she speaks to him, he listens to her silently, that's all.
Needless to say, his coldness hurts Sakura.
I usually feed Naruto after my shower, but since I plan to go out tomorrow and get back to my normal daytime life, I don't offer it to him right away; I don't want to be bitten twice anymore. Although this deviates from his established routine, he's not upset or frustrated; at that, he doesn't ask me or stare at my arms insistently.
Given that chakra devourers are depicted as entities possessed by their insatiable hunger, Naruto's behaviour confuses me. Unless I put the idea in his head, he doesn't ask for my chakra… Maa, until hunger makes him suffer or he really needs it. The only time he asked me was during his captivity. Moreover, he never pounced on me like a thirsty beast to devour my chakra without my consent…
If I forget this nightmarish assault, of course.
Surprised, but not surprised, Naruto expects another floral offering when I open the door. Noticing that Sakura is empty-handed, he lets out a grunt before going to my room to sulk. I allow Sakura the pleasure to explain Naruto's exaggerated reaction to Shikamaru.
As for me, I warn the sapphire-eyed boy to stop his childishness. I give him five minutes to leave the room. Otherwise, I clearly told him that I'd get angry. Fortunately, his crisis doesn't last as he quickly returns. Meanwhile, Sakura offered me the Hokage's medicine and care for my bitten and perpetually scratched and bruised arms.
Naruto just waits in silence, and according to his rather shy posture, he wants to ask me something; I have an idea since he keeps his hands behind his back. When Shikamaru greets him, Naruto smiles back. Once again, that hurts Sakura, especially since she's getting the silent treatment from him. He's still upset because she didn't bring him flowers… His bouquet, that he appreciates a lot, is fading, and that seems to sadden him a little; I suppose he wants to preserve it with new flowers.
My arms healed to a perfectly reasonable degree, Naruto is quick to show us the deck of cards. He begs for a play session, and he invites all three of us. The shine in his eyes nourished with hope is an obligation to agree. We sit on the floor of my tiny, non-existent living room; I only have two chairs in my kitchen … three total if I include the one in my bedroom.
Given Naruto's silence, I have to explain a rule I implemented for him. Usually, the game Go Fish requires verbal requests. Instead, we must show one of our cards that we wish to ask the other. They quickly understand and we start playing. Because of the veil of static electricity that Naruto is unable to get rid of, they struggle to suppress startles at his contact. Over time, these painless, frustrating shocks no longer bother me—rather, my body ignores them.
While Naruto is focused on the game, determined to win and somewhat impatient if we linger to make our turn, we chat and catch up. The thought of reappearing in the village after many days generates a lot of anxiety and makes my stomach feel tight. I fear knowing the consequences of that full-moon night … like the rumours of all kinds regarding my student or me…
To say that I'm calm would be a lie.
"The situation is rather mixed," Shikamaru explains darkly. "Godaime managed to regain control. Things are stable, but this precariousness hangs by a thread. Now that the shinobi know that Naruto is a chakra devourer, they feel threatened. The name given to these creatures isn't appealing, and the people don't know what it really implies. The false information of all kinds is proliferating. There are numerous requests to chase him out of the village or lock him up…"
A silence, a hesitation and a cold sweat.
"The most worried ones also want to get rid of you as a 'precaution,' as they say it… Or put you in the same cage as him."
"… I see," I whisper. "I guess they think I'm gonna become like Naruto, right?"
Shikamaru nods painfully.
"It's not just that," Sakura utters with concern. "Some say that you're under Naruto's control and finding him 'victims' to satisfy his appetite after dark."
I let out a sigh, rolling my eyes. "Fear of the unknown truly makes people say and believe anything…"
I sincerely dread my imminent reappearance into the light of day, but I have no choice. My absence has given rise to grotesque rumours which tarnish my reputation, to believe that I'll be given another detestable nickname. I'm the first victim in this whole story. My brutalized arms and body are proof of that. This rumour from nowhere make my hairs stand on end.
Naruto is harmless, especially during the day when he's more sluggish. It angers me that he's seen as a threat to be eradicated. Only his feral instincts make him dangerous, and these events are rare and easily preventable. However, something bothers me; I feel as if this whole story got out of hand quite quickly … a little too quickly for my liking…
Is someone having fun setting things on fire…?
Danzō? It's possible. From what I could glean at the time, he's one of the reasons why the village was so cold and cruel towards Naruto, who was only an orphan under ten years old. So much cruelty. All of this because he's harbouring the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox…
"The shinobi who knew about Naruto are also trying to calm things down," adds Shikamaru. "But no matter what anyone says, they don't want to hear it."
"Words won't be enough," I retort. "People tend to believe what their eyes see. The hatred, coupled with the transgenerational fear towards the chakra devourers that we don't know much about, it'll take time before it fades down… I'm already dreading going out and showing myself in broad daylight… I suppose that it's not just shinobi who share these opinions?"
They nod.
"The civilians aren't aware that Naruto is a chakra devourer," continues Sakura. "But him being wild like an animal… Yes. To tell you the truth, the hatred is similar when he was a child. Among them, it's the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox theory that's popular."
"Demon, you should say," Shikamaru retorts. "They only have that word on their lips…"
At the same time, I notice that Naruto has briefly raised his head to take a look at Shikamaru's cards. "Watch your cards," I warn nonchalantly. "Naruto has a tendency to cheat."
Shikamaru turns his head and catches a glimpse of the blond who hastens to return to his usual posture, as if nothing happened; at that, his wagging tail betrays him. Then, without the slightest scruple, Naruto clearly shows him one of the cards he saw, making Shikamaru sigh.
"You're shameless to ask me that card," he says in an amused tone, giving him two of his cards.
Satisfied, Naruto smirks. He's cheating since it's easier when there are several people than only the two of us. His many attempts all ended in failure. Each time, I read his mind when he tried to divert my attention—something that greatly frustrated him. During our playing sessions, I'm merciless; I'm giving him a hard time.
"The rumours that I have a … 'relationship' with him, are they still in effect...?" I ask nervously.
"They fade over time, but only because the others take all the place," Sakura replies.
I let out a long, painful sigh. "I see… Still fortunate that not everyone believes these slanders…"
"Indeed," Shikamaru agrees. "We all know Naruto, and have been around him a lot. He's a victim in this whole mess. I don't care what others think, I plan to help him as best I can. And I'm not the only one, by the way."
Their eyes, in which fierce determination burns, draw a sincere smile from me. It reassures me that I'm not alone in facing the hurricane that is waiting to hit me with its violence. Especially my amnesiac and vulnerable student, on whom the hatred is aimed gratuitously and incomprehensibly.
"Naruto needs all the help he can get," I add. "Because Naruto doesn't identify himself as a human anymore, this incident and this avalanche of hatred further widens the gap between him and us. I fear that he'll plunge back into wildness and fear of mankind." I pause. "Especially since his fear barely starts to fade."
"What a drag," Shikamaru sighs.
With question marks in his eyes, the blond is staring at us, making a few useless swirls with his black tail. The sudden heaviness of the tense atmosphere confuses him. Although he understands what we say, most of our conversations don't seem to interest him … or he's so focused on something else that he dissociates himself from our world, to the point of no longer hearing us. To chase away the grey and growing clouds on his head, I ruffle his hair. It works because he gives me his most beautiful smile.
"Kakashi-Sensei, are you gonna be all right tomorrow?" Shikamaru asks me.
He refers to my imminent reappearance in the village.
"I should be fine. It's not like I had a choice."
"We can accompany you if you wish," the young girl offers me.
"Hmm? No need. I don't plan on going out for very long. I must get my sleep routine back to normal…"
Shikamaru looks at me askance, visibly concerned. "What do you mean by that?" he probes dryly.
"During my recovery, I got into Naruto's nocturnal life."
"And you're not worried?"
The severe tone, with which he speaks, puts on my nerves, and doesn't please Naruto who grips my abdomen with his tail, thus stinging me with his veil of awakening electricity. Sakura is as confused as I am.
"What are you trying to say, Shikamaru?"
"It's no coincidence that you started sleeping during the day! I've already warned you about this, Kakashi-Sensei. I'm convinced that Naruto took advantage of your state to impose his nocturnal lifestyle on you."
His words take me by surprise, and I begin to doubt. Mechanically, I look at Naruto, who returns a disconcertingly neutral gaze. Analyzing his body language, he shows no signs of anxiety or shame. He is himself… If he hid something from me, knowing him, he would've betrayed himself in one way or another.
"I think it happened by itself," I reply, shrugging. "With the recent events that led to the sad state I found myself in, this hardly surprises me. I was focused on my recovery and slept almost twelve hours a day. Naruto means no harm to me. I highly doubt he could have done it on purpose."
Shikamaru crosses his arms and clicks his tongue; he's in no way convinced. All in all, I'm sure he's worrying for nothing and a little too much. I agree that the blond give the feeling, but Shikamaru isn't in my place. He doesn't have to share his daily life and his chakra … although I'd love to entrust him Naruto to allow me to breathe if that were possible…
After this discussion, we play a few games while talking about everything and nothing. The sapphire-eyed boy sulks and snarls when he loses and, of course, he swaggers when he wins. This Naruto has become a bad winner and a bad loser… This adds to the list of unusual behaviours that he developed since his transcendence into a chakra devourer. He sometimes demonstrates malicious and gratuitous actions towards others. I remember that moment when Naruto knocked Gai down with his tail… What worries me the most is that he took a certain pleasure in doing it… Naruto has a caring nature, even if he likes to annoy his comrades sometimes.
We stop playing when Naruto suddenly pick up all the cards to put them away. He even snatches them from our hands without making the slightest sound. We conclude that it's time for goodbyes.
I give my report and Shikamaru offers a fist bump to Naruto, who returns it without hesitation. However, he then glares at Sakura. Faced with his growing annoyance, we wait in silence with bated breath.
Maybe he finally wants to give her a fist bump, although he's still angry with her because she stopped bringing him flowers?
Suddenly, Naruto turns on his heel to go to my room. He quickly returns with the wilted flowers to brutally give them back to the kunoichi. He presses them against her chest to force her to take them. The moment he touched her, I heard a familiar buzzing sound, indicating that he shocked her. In response, Sakura let out a surprised gasp.
It's his way of showing his frustration… However, this gratuitous animosity can become a real problem. I have to keep the teenager under control, and it's not the time for him to develop aggressive behaviour.
No.
Absolutely not.
Roughly, I grab his porcupine hair to pull him back. Immediately, Naruto grits his teeth, uttering inaudible noises as he grabs my hand. His veil of static electricity increases in intensity and tingles my skin. I bring him closer to me and firmly pinch both his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. Our faces are only a few millimetres apart.
"What was that, Naruto? Eh?" I coldly whisper. "I understand that you're angry, but if you insist on acting like a jerk with her, I'm gonna be rough with you, got it?!"
The pain in his sensitive hair causes tears to form in the corners of his eyes. To my misfortune, his hairs stand on end, and he challenges me with his gaze, while hissing. I avoid his tail, a hair's breadth away from tying my legs together. The prehensile limb wraps itself firmly against one of my now restrained legs, thus preventing me from making the slightest movement with it. I grab his blond tuft at the roots and in doing so, I accentuate his suffering. Naruto curls on himself while hissing abstract melodies.
"It… It's okay, Kakashi-Sensei," Sakura laughs nervously. "I—"
"Think again," I cut her sharply, continuing my torment on Naruto. "If I let this go, he'll think he has the right to do so."
I grab Naruto by the collar to pull him upright. I don't like to be rough with him, but I have to make sure that things don't escalate and give reason to these requests to kick him out. Or worse, that he ends up locked up until the end of his days, if the choice to execute him isn't decided. I'm also doing this for his own good, and one day, Naruto will understand that.
After long and painful seconds, his deep blue eyes soften, like his hair and his angry songs, which fade and disappear. In response, I release his golden mane and shirt. Grinding his teeth, Naruto almost falls, but he stands; at that, his black tail slowly frees my leg. Panting, trembling, head down, he embraces me with a shy movement to find comfort in my arms. Mechanically, I hug him back.
"I'm so sorry you had to witness that," I laugh flatly, embarrassed and not at all at ease.
"Was it really necessary...?" the young girl asks me, visibly disturbed by what she has just seen.
"It was," Shikamaru sighs, crossing his arms behind his head. "With everything that's going on, we can't let him develop problematic behaviours."
I nod. Naruto's brain is similar to a child and a beast. Given my student's broken and unstable psyche, I was lenient … perhaps a little too lenient for my liking. At least, I feel that Naruto understood the reason for my harsh gesture towards him, since he doesn't avoid me—on the contrary, he hugs us with his tail.
Wrapped in my arms, Naruto still watches them leave after saying goodbye. Reflexively, I turn off the light and continue to cradle the sapphire-eyed boy in my embrace, while he recovers from his emotions. The darkness of the room greatly helps him. He stops shaking immediately.
We separate from each other, and as if this episode had never happened, Naruto regains his happy demeanour; a veritable radiant ball of sunshine… That said, I can't help but sigh inwardly.
I've been awake for less than two hours. The thought of going back to bed depresses me. Thanks to his venom, I will be able to sleep, despite my body being invigorated with energy. I hope that this period of prolonged and forced sleep won't have too many consequences on my body… I can always have a sleepless night and endure fatigue… But with what awaits me tomorrow, I prefer to be in good shape.
All in all, I don't plan to go to bed right away.
The night is still young, after all.
I run the water for my student's shower, who depends on me to do it, although I explained to him how to do it several times. He stays there, motionless, looking at me with his big blue, ocean-depth eyes. I always give in to his whim because I don't want his rather unpleasant body odour to accentuate in intensity.
In the meantime, I try to eat something… I barely touch my meal that I don't eat. I spend more time twirling my chopsticks in my dish than swallowing it, all the while getting lost in my thoughts.
I feel like the food has lost its flavours, now foreign to my dissatisfied taste buds. It disgusts me more than anything else, to be honest. This pleasure has become a chore. The more time passes, the more I force myself to fill my empty stomach. All in all, I can still eat. My slim body is an effective motivation, although the quantities are insufficient. I hate seeing my ribs being more and more visible on my skin.
To wait until bedtime, I read, while ignoring the blond and his unhealthy proximity. He's rummaging through my silver mane, chanting incomprehensible songs. I don't know what his intentions are, but as long as he doesn't scratch my scalp or moisten them with his filthy drool, I endure the discomfort. He's hiding it, but I feel it when he sniffs them for a long time; it gives me infernal chills that make the hairs on my arms stand up. He continues, even when I growl to share my irritation.
Naruto exhausts me…
To the point of claiming sleep earlier than planned, and therefore avoiding one of his impending play sessions.
I put my book away before climbing onto the edge of the bed, holding out my arm to him.
"Come and feed, Naruto."
With a smile on his lips, his tail wagging enthusiastically, the feral boy comes to meet me… However, I withdraw before he can take it. His irises, luminous like a thousand lights, look askance at me.
"Naruto, I want you to poison me with your venom this time," I explain to him. "We're going out tomorrow morning, and I want to sleep to be in good shape."
My student doesn't react to my words, and he stands still, including his breathing; at that, his tail is agonizingly motionless. Besides anxiety, I can't guess the emotion that overwhelms him.
"Do you understand me, Naruto?"
His irises continue to shine like fireflies, but his immobility troubles me. Is he afraid of poisoning me too much?
"If it's the dosage that worries you, you don't have to worry. I'll tell you when to stop, okay?"
He stops blinking. In response, I frown.
After an indescribable amount of time, Naruto blinks before gently taking my arm; he pricks it with his nails while examining it by touch. I don't arch my back as much anymore, but his bite still makes me shudder, to which is added a silent complaint. Naruto pinches himself, devouring my chakra while I'm rocked by this vivid, inevitable pain. Apart from the quantity necessary to stop the bleeding, I await with apprehension this fiery inferno, which will spread through my body any moment now…
However, Naruto withdraws his fangs. I look at the holes, the crimson discharge which has stopped. Fatigue is absent and I don't feel his venom travelling through my veins. Perplexed, I turn my attention back to Naruto.
"Naruto, I asked you to poison me," I reiterate, presenting my arm to him again. "I won't sleep with such a small amount."
As I bring it closer to his face, he turns his head, and doesn't look back at me. Beads of sweat slide on his temples. I hear his racing heartbeat; at that, he holds his breath.
I widen my black eye.
"No way …," I mutter, stunned. "You did it on purpose...?"
Naruto curls up in a ball and makes himself tiny. He can no longer hide his emotions, which overwhelm him and torment him mercilessly.
Unable to believe that he did it on purpose, and in a voluntary and discreet manner, I remain speechless.
Naruto sneakily imposed his nocturnal routine on me.
And like a fool, I trusted him blindly.
To the point of ignoring all of Shikamaru's warnings.
I too become motionless. I pull myself together as my body breathes on its own to fill my empty lungs. I realize how far I was wrong. Certain of his benevolent desire not to hurt me, to protect me, I refused to face the truth, and I turned a blind eye to all the warning signs. The opportunity offered on a silver platter, Naruto took the said opportunity without the slightest shame. It began that night when I was suffering from insomnia…
It started at that moment, I'm sure.
I'm still convinced that he couldn't properly dose his venom, although he took advantage of the situation. I didn't think he was capable of harming me like this by deliberately disturbing my sleep. All that, so I live at night and become a nocturnal creature like Naruto.
We mutually sought to impose our cycle on the other. Except that I accepted his unlike him.
The irritation turns to annoyance. I shake my head and jump out of bed to stand in front of the teenager, who has his back to me. I roughly grab his face, which I imprison in the vice of my fingers, my fingers determined not to let go of his cheeks. I then stand at his level by bringing my arm closer to his mouth.
"You better poison me with your venom and make me sleep until tomorrow morning! Or I lock myself in the bathroom and you're gonna do without me all night, and the next ones that follow, got it?!"
Naruto lets out a small groan and panics.
"You're gonna put your teeth kindly back into my arm and poison me!" I order in a severe tone, piercing him with my sharp gaze. "I'll give you a minute! Not a second more. In other words, you won't see me again tonight, Naruto!"
I have no choice but to be harsh, I know that only too well.
The anger inside me screams like a whistling kettle. Again, I must restrain myself from succumbing to these emotions, that could lead me to do things that I will regret, or even commit an irreparable mistake. Closer to his instincts as a nocturnal creature, I'm guessing he didn't do it with bad intentions. On the contrary, he wants me in his daily life, so much so that it has become an obsession. Changing a biological obligation is more difficult for him than us. This is why I can forgive him, and therefore avoid losing my temper.
In this agonizing silence, I count each second, I utter them in a whisper that Naruto can hear. As for him, my words paralyzed him; his brain is frozen, and I don't care. I hope he won't force me to carry out my threats.
I slow down my countdown when I reach the halfway point, without stopping… Sadly, my student is unable to free himself from his frozen state, but I can't go back either. I will lose this hold on him if I give in, and it's essential for his survival.
I sigh. The promised minute is up. I release his face. I turn on my heel to leave my room, without even glancing at him… I stop when his black tail quickly wraps around my leg. I barely have time to turn around when Naruto throws himself at me, digging his claws into my skin to cling to me; I ignore the sweet pain caused by his nails. I remain unmoved, and painfully refrain myself from hugging him back. He's about to cry while hiccupping…
A terrible and unfathomable evil creeps into my heart.
I forbid myself from giving in, although I choose to give him another chance.
Reluctantly, Naruto gives in. He holds out his trembling palms to welcome my arm, his head bowed. I agree and offer it to him. He precisely thrusts his sharp spikes into the existing holes, pouring out his fiery venom as demanded. This time, exhaustion hits me. Sleep calls me with its siren song, and the boat of dreams awaits my arrival to set sail on this unknown and vast sea…
His poison numbs my body, and it won't take long to sink.
I wait for Naruto to withdraw to hug him in my arms. I hold him tightly in my embrace. "Thank you, Naruto. I'm sorry I was harsh with you," I whisper sincerely, tenderly stroking his hair.
Naruto hugs me back, embraces me even tighter. He buries his face in my chest, and his ebony tail reinforces this embrace by wrapping itself around the both of us.
Deep inside, I wish Naruto will forgive me, as I forgave him for imposing his nocturnal routine on me.
