Bella ended up sharing a glass of wine with Emily as Sam watched them with amusement from his post beside the grill. Bella could feel Leah's frustration with her as her stepsister left them to join in a friendly football game further down the beach.
A few people were swimming, mostly older children as Jacob and Sanna monitored anyone near the water.
When Paul and Embry added wood to the smaller fire, Bella quickly felt overheated. She excused herself and took a walk, hoping to settle her nerves a little.
As soon as she left the crowd, the sound of giggles chased her before Jamie caught hold of her hand. He nearly plowed into her as she stopped to see what he wanted.
"What's up, buddy?"
Despite the grin on his face, he sounded worried as he asked, "Where you goin'? You leavin'?"
"I'm just taking a little walk. I got hot by the fire."
His eyes widened as he asked, "Alone? You should take a 'Tector with you."
"Oh, should I? Everybody is pretty busy. I'll be okay. I'll be right back, I promise."
Looking skeptical, he said, "What if vampiders are out there?"
She had to bite back a laugh over 'vampiders,' but he was entirely serious, and she didn't want to hurt his little feelings. He was trying so hard to seem brave.
Crouching down before him, she said, "Oh, I know what those look like." Nodding her head for emphasis, Bella added, "I promise to be very careful."
She looked up in time to catch Jacob's eye as he watched them from near the water, grinning. She didn't doubt he could hear every word, regardless of the yelling children running circles around him.
Jamie asked, "Are you the same Bella from the stories?"
Bella playfully mussed his hair as she said, "Yep. That's me, buddy."
His eyes went wide for a moment and then he grinned. "Did you see Daddy's paintings?"
She laughed at the change of topic and shook her head no. "Is he a talented painter?"
He scrunched up his little nose and asked, "What that mean?"
"Talented?" He nodded, and she said, "It means he's good at it. Is he a good painter?"
"Yeah, but…" again, his little face puckered up in confusion as he said, "I think he choosed the wrong color."
She asked, "He chose the wrong color, huh?" She did not know what he was talking about, but he seemed excited that she understood. "You're a little sweetheart. Did you know that?"
His smile turned bashful, and he giggled. "Ever-buddy says that!"
She gasped, feigning shock. "They do?!"
Giggling again, he nodded. "You want me to ask Dad to walk with you?"
She whispered, "To protect me from those terrible vampires?"
He nodded, looking worried again. Bella felt tempted to kiss his little cheeks and tickle the frown from his tiny features. He was precious. His father had done such a wonderful job.
"I promise that I'll be okay. Will you feel better if you tell him I'm going for a walk? Then he'll know where I went if you get worried. How does that sound?"
"Good," he said with a single, firm nod. She laughed as he sprinted away, racing back into the crowd toward his father.
Walking toward her, Jacob said, "You're good with him."
"He's a sweet kid," she said, turning toward Jacob. "You look like you're handling your own brood pretty well."
He laughed as he looked toward the splashing children and pointed. "Those two are ours. Tara and Macy."
Both little girls, who appeared about two years apart in age, looked exactly like their father.
"And him." He nodded toward the toddler practically wrapped around Sanna's left leg in the water. "That's Will. Good luck getting him away from his mother for very long, though."
Nodding toward a brawny boy with dark curls, she asked, "Quil VI?"
Jacob laughed as he nodded toward a boy and girl that could easily pass for twins. "Those two are Sam and Emily's. Levi and Abby. Their youngest, Jared, is almost two, but he's got a cold, so he's staying at her mom's for the night."
Hmmm. That was a name she'd yet to hear all night. Did Jared and Kim not come to these gatherings since moving away?
Jacob said, "I'm not sure how it happened, but Sanna and I always end up watching over the kids at these things. It gives their parents a little break. This time, though, most of the kids will go home with their moms or grandparents after everyone eats. I'm guessing that's probably because you're here. I heard you agreed to talk to the pack later?"
"Good news still travels fast around here," she teased.
"Comes with the advanced hearing."
"I remember," she said, and they laughed. Seeing Sanna glancing toward them curiously, Bella said, "I'm gonna take a little walk to clear my head."
"Old habits die hard, huh?"
"Something like that."
He chuckled, grabbed her hand, and pulled her into a hug. She hugged him back eagerly, squeezing tight.
"Watch out for those nasty vampiders," Jacob teased.
"God, that kid is too cute." She laughed as she pulled from his embrace and walked away.
Bella hesitated as she came closer to Sanna, wondering if she should say anything to her. She couldn't blame Jacob's imprint for being cautious of her. Bella could only imagine the mess Sanna had to clean up after everything Bella had done to hurt him. Deciding to go with her impulse, she quickly stepped toward her and tapped Sanna on the shoulder. When the taller woman turned toward her, Bella wrapped her arms around her and hugged her. Sanna froze in her arms, clearly confused by it, but Bella held on.
"Thank you for being everything he needed. I'm so glad he found you."
Sanna's tension seemed to melt away as she sighed and she raised her arms to hug Bella back. "Thank you, Bella."
As they pulled apart, she glanced toward her husband and whispered, "I have to be honest. I was so nervous about him seeing you again. Then you walked in here looking even prettier than the pictures I've seen and…"
Bella shook her head, patting Sanna's arms. "First, my thoughts upon meeting you were how pretty you are! Second, I will always love Jake as a friend, and only as a friend. I was never the right match for Jacob, but you are." Bella chuckled. "Even the wolf gods think so."
"Yeah. I suppose that's true." Sanna laughed. It was a light, pleasing sound and Bella watched Jacob's head whip toward them as he grinned.
Bella asked, "So, Sanna? That's such a pretty name. I've never heard it before."
"It's a nickname. My grandmother was Alexandra, and people called her Sandra. It's derived from that."
Bella grinned. "Well, wouldn't you know it? I'm named for my grandmother, too."
Sanna glanced toward Jacob again and asked, "So… maybe we can all have dinner together before you head back to Florida. Will you have the time for that?"
"I'd love to. Maybe just me and you. We'll leave Jake home with the kids. I can tell you lots of embarrassing stories about mud pies and torturing his sisters."
"I heard that," Jacob said, making them laugh.
Bella told them she'd see them soon and headed down the beach alone, hoping she put a few other minds at ease, even if she couldn't calm hers.
It didn't take Bella long to reach the place she wanted to see. One of the giant beached trees had been a favorite spot for her and Jacob, where they'd shared countless laughs and secrets as he slowly put her back together.
Bella lovingly ran her hand across the sun-bleached wood before carefully sitting in what was once her usual 'spot.' She stared across the water, contemplating the rush of memories that had slammed her earlier and the guilt that came with them.
She had been so stubborn, so exceedingly selfish that the idea of coming back home to face the same people who greeted her with love now had terrified her to her very core. And she had thrown all of her husband's newfound affection, his willingness to face his brothers beside her, back in his face. Then she spent seven years burying her heartache, pretending it didn't exist as often as possible, despite doing everything she could to protect herself from it.
Perhaps it hadn't been the wrong decision to protect her mental health in the heat of the moment. But seven years was a hell of a long time to care about someone so deeply that you intentionally dated men who wouldn't remind you of the one you abandoned.
She couldn't blame him for having moved on with Jamie's mother, whoever she was. Bella certainly hadn't spent all of her nights alone. One man she dated had even run a background check on her and confronted her about her marital status. He'd dumped her for it afterward, but that wasn't what had bothered her about the situation. It was another painful reminder of what she didn't have that hurt.
And then, like always, she's buried her sorrow in Jack's distracting company and a tall cold glass of red wine.
She flicked tears from her lashes before they could spill, allowing the heaviness of her situation to settle over her for the first time in years. Bella didn't doubt she'd go back to Florida a different person. She'd begun changing the second she drove into this one-horse town. Hell, even the dress she wore today was something the old Bella would have chosen rather than the sharp-tongued, immovable 'hot librarian' facade she wore at home.
She could only hope she didn't go home so changed that it disrupted what little peace she had created for herself entirely. Despite her warm welcome and despite what she refused to allow herself to admit she wanted, the sense that she didn't belong here lingered. Was her need to get away from everyone, if only to think for a few minutes, more evidence of that? That was another troubling thought - that her need for separation was so acute that she couldn't even endure a few hours without feeling overwhelmed.
Bitterly, she cursed herself for not taking her Merlot on a long walk instead of her mind.
Movement in her peripheral vision made her turn toward the direction she'd come from. She couldn't help but smile as her husband headed toward her. Memories of him in nothing but cutoffs, like now, on the beach in their teens, didn't hold a candle to the man he'd become.
Bella subconsciously licked her lips, practically twitching to trace her fingertips down the thin trail of dark hair along his abdomen. She felt heated as a spark of longing bloomed throughout her chest and rushed to settle between her legs. She thought of her dream and could practically feel him between her legs, his hands on her bare skin as she took a deep breath.
He smirked as he caught her ogling him again. " That's a sight for sore eyes."
She shook her head, not knowing what he meant. "What is?"
"That look on your face," he said, lowering his voice as he looked across the water. "I haven't seen that look in seven years."
Bella closed her eyes as she blushed from embarrassment and sighed against the heady, electric feeling caused by his deep, husky tone. Bella reached down for her sandals when she opened her eyes and began untying them. He silently watched as she picked them up in her right hand and walked toward the water, letting the cold tide wash over her feet, grounding her. As a second tiny wave enveloped her ankles, he moved closer, stepping into the water with her.
Breaking the silence, she asked, "Did Jamie send you to 'Tect me from the 'Vampiders?"
He cackled and rolled his eyes. "Yeah. He's three going on forty sometimes. Always worried about everyone else."
She grinned, instantly recalling her and Jacob's long-running joke about their ages.
'Okay, so you're forty-one. I'm like.. thirty-five.'
"He's really great," she said. "He was so worried about me walking alone."
His smile faded somewhat as he said, "Yeah, he's taken a real shine to you already."
"I'm not sure why. We've barely spoken." She shrugged.
"Yeah, but he knows about you. He's heard about the legendary Bella his entire life."
He slowly crept closer, seeming somewhat wary, as if she might bolt. Bella couldn't blame him. It made her nervous, too.
"Ah," she said sarcastically, trying and failing to ignore the fluttering in her chest. "Legendary. Not infamous?"
He laughed. "Semantics."
She gasped. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," he teased as they both chuckled.
Bella absently kicked a little at the surf, wiggling her toes against the water as she asked, "So… why didn't you tell me about him? Jamie?"
His expression somewhat hardened as he asked, "Because we had so many detailed conversations in the last three years?"
"Well, you could have claimed him as a dependent. Now that Bella thought about it, she hoped they wouldn't be penalized later for not doing so. "You would've gotten a child credit on your income tax return."
His tone softened considerably, becoming sad as he said, "I can't claim him, Bella. Not until he's legally adopted, anyway. The foster care system gets to handle those things for now."
Bella's eyes widened in shock. "Wait? Jamie's not biologically yours?"
He chuckled. "Does he look like me at all?"
Sheepishly, she shrugged and blushed as she admitted, "I figured he looks more like his mother."
"Oh, he does, actually. But he's got Jared's eyes and dimples." He swallowed hard as if merely mentioning Jared was painful, but Bella was still reeling over the information.
"He's Jared and Kim's son?"
Her husband turned toward her and groaned as he reached up to rub his forehead, suddenly looking exhausted. "You missed a lot of shit, you know?"
He glanced toward the tree as if contemplating whether to sit. Instead, he crossed his arms over his chest and stayed where he was, turning toward the water.
Subconsciously, she stepped closer, tentatively placing one pale hand on his elbow as she asked, "What happened to Jared and Kim?"
He didn't answer, glaring across the water in silence as he bit his bottom lip and shuddered. Bella's heart broke for him as she watched him blink back tears.
After an incredibly long silence, Bella forced herself to say, "Paul?"
He slowly turned to meet her gaze as she stepped directly before him and reached for his other arm. Rubbing both arms above his elbows, she said, "Talk to me."
After another long pause, he said, "They died, Bella. Not together, but they're both gone now."
Memories of Jared and Kim hit her like a punch to the gut. She couldn't help but notice her husband suck in a sharp breath simultaneously, as though he'd felt it, too.
Jared is dead? And Kim? Though Jared had never been Bella's biggest fan, she and Kim had always gotten along well. Bella had enjoyed witnessing their relationship dynamics - how Kim could turn a mean-mouthed angry wolf into a simpering idiot with only a smile. He'd loved her so blindly and entirely that Kim's simple presence had made Jared a better, more tolerant person. Perfectly matched, just as fate designed.
Stunned, she stuttered, "Wh-what h-happened?"
He half-groaned and half-sighed as he stepped away from her and sunk into the same spot she'd occupied a few minutes ago. "First, Jamie doesn't know. He knows a 'nice lady' comes to see us from CPS sometimes, but they suggested not to tell him the truth about his parents until he's a little older and has a better understanding of life and death. CPS thinks Jared died in a car crash. That was the story we had to give everyone, you know? So, I'm begging you not to mention any of it around Jamie."
"Of course not," she said sympathetically, joining him where he sat. To her surprise, his right hand slid into her lap to capture her left. Understanding his need for comfort during such a serious conversation, Bella threaded her fingers through his and squeezed.
Despite the reasoning behind it, she felt some of her tension fade. She wondered how his touch could calm her yet and make her heart race consecutively. It made little sense.
"Quil is my best bud these days," he said. "And being a single dad means I don't get out much anymore. That's why Angela invited me to dinner with you all the other night. Jared's death brought Quil and me closer, Bella. Quil lost his arm trying to save Jared's life."
"Oh my god," she cried, impulsively covering her mouth with her free hand.
Nodding, he continued, "The leech was crushing Jared, just like Jake got crushed at the newborn battle."
Bella felt like she might be sick as she recalled Jacob's injuries. The sound of crushing bone, his screams from the pain… She shuddered.
"Quil hopped on the leeches back. When he pulled its head off, its mate grabbed Quil's arm and… It all happened so god-damned fast. Me and Embry took her out, but Quil was hemorrhaging on the ground. Jared insisted we worry about Quil first and apply pressure to stop the bleeding. We were so busy tending to Quil that we didn't notice Jared aspirate."
Again, another involuntary 'Oh my god' escaped her. As much as she didn't want to, she could easily visualize the scene, the panic, the chaos. Bella didn't even feel her tears escape until one landed on her wrist, just below their entwined hands.
He looked down at it, his long hair hanging like a curtain between them as he said, "Bella, Jared's last words to me were 'my son.' Kim was pregnant with Jamie, and it didn't take a genius to understand. You know? Kim nearly lost Jamie when she found out about Jared. Everyone tried so hard to keep her spirits up, to keep her going, but she just kept getting weaker. Kim lost so much weight, and we could barely convince her to eat. She wouldn't get out of bed. Sometimes, she looked at her stomach as if she loathed being pregnant. It was as if Jamie was just keeping her trapped here, miserable without Jared."
Tentatively, she reached up to push his hair back from his face. He raised a curious eyebrow at her and smirked but said nothing.
Unsure she wanted the answer, Bella asked, "Did Kim pass in childbirth?"
His features hardened again as he said, "No. Kim tried to go on for Jamie. She really did. But they had moved two hours north at the beginning of her pregnancy - specifically for Jared to stop phasing. He came home that weekend just to see everyone. If he hadn't come home and insisted on helping us with some nomads, Jare would still be here. And afterward… We couldn't all be with her all the time. And, to be honest, it got harder and harder to tolerate how hateful she became. Kim really didn't want us there. She barely wanted Jamie there. She wanted Jared and blamed us for his death."
"But that wasn't your fault," Bella said in the pack's defense. "It could have been any of you!"
Despite how selfish she knew it was, Bella couldn't help but feel grateful that it hadn't been her husband. Paul. The man beside her, whose hand perfectly enveloped hers as though it was supposed to be there. The man she, if she were being honest with herself, had always felt attracted to - since the day she'd slapped him silly in Jacob's front yard. Despite his temper, rashness, and loud mouth, she'd always been fascinated with him. And that chemistry still lingered a decade later.
What was that even supposed to mean? Breaking down the walls in her memory might drive her positively insane. The only person she grew more frustrated with was herself.
"I've told myself that a hundred times, but it gets no easier," he said. "I helped Angie with Quil and Quil VI while he was healing. As soon as that situation slowed, I offered to keep Jamie for a weekend to let Kim rest. She waited for a few hours after I left with Jamie. I guess to make sure we were far enough away."
Bella asked, "She killed herself?"
"No," he said sadly, shaking his head. "Her heart gave out. She just couldn't go on anymore. It's not uncommon in our legends for a wolf or imprint to waste away without their mate. Kim didn't want to live without Jared. It was really that simple. She was brought back here and buried with him on the island."
She looked across the water toward the familiar landmark and asked, "Isn't that where Chiefs get buried?"
"Chiefs and spirit warriors, Bella. And that's what he was. He gave his life protecting the tribe and deserves to be there. Imprints always get buried beside their wolves."
And everyone else got to pick up the pieces. One of the worst tragedies their pack had ever witnessed had simply been another day of work and wine for Bella.
She said, "I'm really proud of you. Jamie's a really great kid. I think you're doing an amazing job."
He scoffed but grinned. "Jamie is great. He's a lot like me because I'm what he knows, but he's so much more like Jared. Bossy. Stubborn with a big mouth. Always ready to go, willing to jump in feet first. It scares me sometimes. I hope he never phases, honestly. I hope there's never a need for it."
Nodding, she said, "Me, too. I'd give that to you both if I could."
He cringed, hesitating before saying, "He needs a mom. A mother figure. Something. He has Angela and Emily, but he's always asking me why he doesn't have a mom. And I've gotta be honest with you, Bella. I'm really fucking tired of being alone."
Bella nodded in understanding. Her father was in her life, but she'd barely seen Charlie in childhood and not once in the last decade. Still, Bella couldn't imagine having never known him or how confusing that would have been at three. And she supposed - as she had upon learning Paul had a child, that he wanted the opportunity to marry or provide his son with a mother. Someone he could be with and plan a future with.
And even if she'd never wanted that 'motherly' domesticated life, the thought of someone else taking that role for them physically hurt enough that her stomach roiled and grumbled.
Mistaking the sound, he grinned and stood, still holding her hand. "Come on. I wouldn't doubt if they all started eating without us."
She feigned a smile for him and stood, reluctantly letting go of his hand. Bella tried not to react as his arm slid around her shoulders, and her husband - Paul - tucked her against his side. She wrapped her arm around his back, resting her hand on his hip. They walked back to the bonfire in silence, her body temperature and awareness of his physical proximity increasing with every step.
