Chapter 5 - Bittersweet
He didn't stop me. I'm not sure what I expected him to do but, for once, it would be nice to have a man love me so much they don't let me go. And not just any man - it's Harm I want. It's Harm I love and despite the anger during our sexual encounter, I forgive him. I just can't forgive myself.
Dejectedly, I step into the ancient elevator, ready for its rickety and lengthy descent. My legs are still too shaky to use the stairs and as it clamors its way downward, I lean against the cage and close my eyes.
This was it, our final farewell and I know I will never set foot in his apartment again. He hasn't moved on and a night of incredible sex won't nudge the needle in the right direction. I'm too scared to say that I love him and he's too stubborn to make a move. It's over for good and it's all too bittersweet.
The elevator is nearly on the ground floor when I hear a door open followed by the heavy sound of footsteps coming from above. It's then that my heartbeat drums in my ears as the old lift grinds to a hard stop. The gate is thrown open and held in place with one long arm. Aqua tinted eyes stare at me with an intensity I've only seen when the same man rescued me from a terorrist's torture shack.
Harm's breathing is erratic as he steps inside and all I can imagine is another forceful union of bodies that is meaningless. It's not something I want but I know I'd take because something from him is better than this cold bitterness. He takes a deep breath, holds it for a moment and his beautiful eyes take the graying hues of a storm tossed sea. "I don't believe in 'never.'"
"What?"
"I don't believe in 'never.'"
And then he kissed me.
Completely, deeply, lovingly, he kissed me. It wasn't harsh or punishing. It wasn't desperate or cruel. In all my life I've never had a man kiss me this way, like my lips held a promise he needed to fulfill and I was the life vest keeping him from drowning.
My arms looped around his neck, bringing Harm closer as the elevator jerked into movement and began its ascension to the upper floor. The hard planes of his body held mine, a willingly captive against the rear cage of the cab while Harm's hand untied the sash and sought the warm skin of my abdomen.
I moaned into his mouth, arched against him and when the elevator came to a stop, I nearly begged him to never let me go. Instead, he took my hand and pulled me with him past the open door, stopping only to throw the locks into place. The following breath I was drawn to him and for the second time Harm led me up the steps to his bedroom.
This was different - a good kind of different. He wasn't rough or demanding and actually asked to remove my trenchcoat and the rumpled cami beneath. "May I?"
I shyly nodded and, like magic, the obtrusive clothing fell away from my body, last of which were my slacks and panties that he pulled down slowly after removing my heels. Harm remained on his knees, allowing his hands to gently caress my calves, my thighs. His fingers swept over the bruises on my hips, the ones he'd left a day ago from when those same hands gripped too hard.
I see his jaw clench, his eyes close for a moment and I'm terrified this wondrous spell will break. My hands cover his as I guide Harm's palms over the contours of my hips, my waist and allow one hand to stop just under my breast.
"You're so beautiful." He says in a voice that's gravely and thick. It's the bedroom voice I've dreamt of hearing and it makes me shiver. "Sarah, can I touch you?"
One finger traces the swell of my breast, hesitant to take more until I nod. But he doesn't cup either orb with his palm as I expected. Instead his fingers splay between them, the tips just barely touching my nipples. He's teasing me and I nearly beg for a firmer touch when I feel a hand pressing against the small of my back.
I'm pulled closer to him and watch with delight as his blue eyes lock onto mine and his head dips between my thighs. His tongue parts my folds with one long, glorious lick that makes my shaky legs buckle.
I'm caught before I fall and gently laid down in the center of the mattress. Before long Harm's head is between my thighs again, drinking of me, loving me, taking me with slow, deliberate kisses against my sex.
I come embarrassingly quick and yet his mouth continues to devour me until I'm once again so close that I beg him for release. Harm slows his ministrations to a frustratingly slow pace and a moment later I hear the arousing sound of his jeans being unzipped.
He stops long enough to remove the rough denim along with his t-shirt and boxers, all of which join the pile of clothing by the edge of his bed. "Look at me, Mac…Please look."
Propped up on my elbows, I finally see him - really see him. Harm's body is beautifully chiseled and I catch all the lines of definition from hours upon hours of hard work outs. He definitely isn't the stick boy I once knew but an incredibly sexy man but on Earth to please me.
A soft peppering of hair is scattered across his chest making a trail that goes down the midline of his abdomen and even lower. His hips taper off into a severe 'V' that my eyes follow straight to his length.
He's mostly hard, wondrously thick and I imagine wrapping my lips around him, pleasing like he pleased me. But, when I crawl to the edge of the bed and reach for him, Harm catches my wrist in his hand. "No."
"But, I want to."
"And I want to be inside you." His voice cracks in desperation making it feel like our union was the most important thing in his World. Harm touches me gently, his hands caressing the curves of my body like a blind man discovering the most priceless piece of art.
He cups one breast with his hand. His mouth covers another and my brain scatters to oblivion when his sweet tongue runs across my nipple. Harm's gentle, caring of the way his body moves over mine. There's no malice or anger and I dare say that there's love - so much love that I beg him to enter me.
His fingers pierce my sex, slowly moving in and out while he feasts off my breasts. I'm writhing beneath him, moaning Harm's name and begging once again. "Harm, please."
I expected another rough round of sex, a way to stave the ardor left between us but this time, he was different. Harm entered me slowly, letting my body adjust to his hard length while balancing on his forearms.
He kissed me, long and slow so that I could taste myself on his lips. And then…and then, he said them - the three little words I never thought would pass through his lips: "I love you."
