"Grounded?"
Harry might have expected to have been happy that he'd made it through another school year, especially one that had proven to be so turbulent. That wasn't to say that he was thrilled to leave the castle of Hogwarts, with those magical walls still acting as a place of solace for him. But, when he had a proper home waiting for him once the Express pulled to a gentle stop, it made the summer months a great deal easier. When he had a family (albeit an unorthodox one at that) there to greet him, it made the departure much more bearable.
That wasn't mentioning all the other reasons as to why Harry should have been happy. After all, he'd managed to get through his OWLS with what he felt was relative success. That was no small feat, seeing as there'd been so many distractions threatening to steal his attention. And there was also the not-so-inconsequential matter of recently destroying yet another horcrux, which was enough to put anyone in a good mood.
Besides, of course, the adults who wanted to protect him from such harsh realities.
Because, as he stood in the hallway of Grimmauld Place, Harry wasn't being allowed to revel in his triumph. He wasn't one to boast about his achievements (far from it, in fact), but he might have envisaged at least a few banners congratulating him on the magical accomplishment. Maybe a balloon if they were working on a budget. Not, as it turned out, two displeased older men who were looking at him sternly with their arms folded.
"I'm afraid that's the decision we've come to," Sirius explained, unwavering in his severity.
Harry had known that his actions would come with consequences. That was only to be expected. But he'd also reasoned that, seeing as his misbehaviour had resulted in something pretty significant and worthwhile, the leash would have been pulled a little looser. There surely had to be some consideration for what had been a selfless sacrifice, putting himself in the line of fire in the pursuit of helping the entire wizarding world. It didn't appear to be a mindset that his godfather was following.
"For how long?"
"I was going to say the entire summer."
Harry's eyes widened. "You've got to be joking!"
"I argued that it was more suitable to suggest a fortnight," Lupin said.
"So we settled on a compromise," Sirius continued. "Three weeks."
Harry was sure he was going to collapse under the weight of the perceived injustice. "Three weeks?!"
"I think it's only fair that, after you ran away, you're forced to stay in your room for a prolonged period of time. That's the only way you'll learn, I reckon. It's a fitting punishment. I thought it was a bit boring, you know? A bit traditional. But you can't beat the classics."
"What do you expect me to do for three weeks?"
"Just because OWLS are over with, that doesn't mean the work is stopping anytime soon," Lupin pointed out. "You'll be faced with NEWTS from this point onwards. It'll do you some good to get a headstart. And, naturally, I'll be on hand to provide any assistance that you might want, even if that's a slight advantage compared to your peers. We're not asking you to be in complete isolation for the summer."
"At least from us," Sirius commented. "Though we've decided that you won't be able to send letters to your friends. And…that includes Hermione."
Harry almost collapsed to the floor. "What?!"
"We actually agreed on this with her parents. We think it'll do you both some good to have some time on your own, away from the pressures of the lives you've been forced to lead. Three weeks of decompression. Three weeks of focusing on homework and essays instead of horcruxes and dark lords."
"I get the sense that the Grangers want some time with their daughter too," Lupin added, as if that would make Harry more agreeable. "Without any outside pressure. They can be a normal family for three weeks. I don't think that's too much to ask."
"You're asking me to be ripped from my best friend for nearly a month," Harry complained.
"And you were nearly ripped from us because of your stupid actions!" Sirius countered.
Up until that point, his godfather had remained relatively composed, keeping most of his emotions (largely anger) in check. That was quite a surprise, though Harry wasn't feeling generous enough to applaud him for his efforts. But his last remark was combined with the full dose of his fury, something within him finally snapping and, for Harry at least, it exemplified exactly why the two adults were doing this to him.
They could understand why he'd gone behind their backs. They could understand why the horcrux had to be destroyed. But they weren't about to let it slide that, once again, Harry's life had potentially been forfeit. They'd already seen his friend die as a result of the growing war, and, if things had gone wrong in the Tardis, he and Hermione could have been next on the list. It was no wonder that they were trying to wrap him up in cotton wool, no matter how much Harry wanted to break free from their supervision.
That didn't mean he was going to back down anytime soon.
"I had to do it!"
"Yeah, you've used that argument on us already, as soon as you were taken back to Hogwarts. It didn't work then and it's not going to work now."
"I'm not going to say sorry for taking a giant stride towards defeating Voldemort."
"We're not asking you to apologise for that! If you'd just done that, we would have been throwing you a party right now. Do you think I want to be arguing with you? Do you think I want to be raising my voice at you for what feels like the first time? This isn't fun for me, Harry."
"Feel free to stop at any time."
"You brought this upon yourself. You went behind our backs. You left the safety of Hogwarts. You scared us half to death! Do you know how panicked we were whilst we were running around that blasted school? You're lucky that Dumbledore had an idea as to what you were doing, otherwise we would have been calling in Magical Law Enforcement to track you down. You would have had us causing a national incident, all because you kept things to yourself."
"If I'd told you, you would have stopped me from doing it! And then we'd still have a horcrux to deal with."
"You should have given us the choice to stop you. That's our role as guardians. All you did was underestimate just how understanding we can be." Sirius' breathing was slowly becoming more measured. "I know…I know how difficult this is for you. I know how awful the past year has been, and I know that you're just trying to rectify things."
"I can't rectify everything though, can I? Matthew's dead. The only way of making that worth anything is by finishing the job, by getting rid of the horcruxes, by killing Voldemort."
"And we've established that you don't have to do any of that on your own."
"I had Hermione with me."
"You know perfectly well that that's not what I meant."
"So, because I spared you from being subjected to the horcrux's influence, you're deciding to lock me away? I thought that wasn't something I'd have to experience again after leaving the Dursleys, but I was obviously wrong."
Sirius laughed sardonically, shaking his head all the while. But, much to Harry's shock, it was actually the professor who reacted more strongly to the comparison. Lupin was typically a calm and composed man, one who could tolerate the worst that hormonal teenagers could throw in his direction. But, following Harry's latest rebuttal, his gaze took on some of the fury and wildness that was normally reserved for his werewolf alter ego.
"Are you having a laugh, Harry?" he said scathingly. "Do you understand just how hurtful that is? Do you understand how much work Sirius has put into being the perfect guardian for you? Because he's had to put up with a lot. As soon as he was out of Azkaban, as soon as he was a free man, he wasn't given the chance to think about himself. He put you first, working to create a home for you to stay in, working on himself to be an ideal role model. And this is the thanks he gets?"
Sirius raised a hand. "You don't need to say this, Remus."
"No, I do. Because only then might the boy see some sense at last. He loves you, Harry. He worships the ground you walk upon. He wishes that you weren't involved in this mess, but he's learnt to work around for that. He gives you an awful lot of leeway but, this time, you went too far. He didn't think about how he'd feel when he found out you were missing. Or maybe you did and chose to leave anyway, which is even worse. He deserves a lot more respect than that, Harry. We both do."
"I…I couldn't risk you standing in the way," Harry feebly argued, losing some of his earlier spite after the impassioned speech from Lupin.
"Which proves that you didn't trust us enough," Sirius said quietly. "And that shows I've still got a lot of work to do, that I overestimated just how close we are."
"Sirius…I never meant for it to make you feel like that. We are close."
"No, this is a good thing, the more I think about it. Because, as much as I've grown into the role as your guardian, I've been approaching it from the wrong angle. I've wanted to be your friend just as much as an authority figure. That was never going to work out. This is the kick up the backside I needed."
"So you're not going to change your mind?"
"The longer you stand there, the more tempted I am to make the grounding last all summer as I previously planned."
"But…Hermione…"
"I'm sure she'll be waiting for you on the other side. You'll be able to bond on being jailbirds, if that's how you're seeing it."
With that, Harry stalked away, knowing that he wasn't going to talk any sense into them. He made sure to make his steps up the staircase purposefully louder than necessary, as if that would further provide his point. Maybe it was further evidence that he was acting irrationally, like a petulant teenager, but he wasn't of the opinion that it mattered. He would protest his prison time until it was over, and then probably for quite a while after that too.
Once he was out of sight, marching towards the floor of his bedroom, Sirius let out a withering sigh that saw him physically deflate. Not since his time with the dementors had he felt so exhausted, so completely unattached to the man he'd once been. He remembered a time when he'd been an eligible bachelor, when both men and women had swooned on his arm, and he'd lapped up their attention. He'd never envisaged that that young person would be made to be a proper adult.
Lupin was on hand to pat him on the back, most of the anger leaving his friend's body too at the same time. Sirius was grateful for one thing at that moment, and it was the fact that the professor had been there with him to navigate the confrontation. He got the sense that, if he'd been on his own, he surely would have melted under the pressure, giving in to Harry's pleading cries. Or he would have said something that he wouldn't have been able to take back, threatening the relationship they'd built up over the past few years.
"I don't think that could have gone much worse," Sirius sighed.
"I actually believe you handled it spectacularly well, considering the circumstances. After all, no hexes were thrown. Your wands stayed safely stowed away. That has to be seen as a victory."
"Why can't he see where I'm coming from? Why can't he see that I'm doing this for his own good?"
"I think a part of him does. There were certainly some moments then when the fight seemed to leave his body."
"Not for long. Largely because I'd say something to rile him back up again."
"I'm afraid to say that, like it or not, Harry is a teenager and will succumb to the moods that are to be expected of someone his age. Frankly, I see it as a good thing."
"How could you possibly believe that?"
"Well, the way I view the situation…Harry has barely had the chance to be a normal boy, even before he was at Hogwarts. He was mistreated for something he couldn't understand and, when he finally got most of the facts, he was thrust into a position that forced him to act older than he truly was. It might be at your consequence, but that was one of the few times I've seen him act like any other teenager. It could do him some good."
"And what about me? I don't feel especially good."
Lupin gave him a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry to say that that's part of the job of being a father figure."
"I'm not replacing James," Sirius was quick to correct. "I'd never think of doing that. It wouldn't be fair on him or Harry."
"Maybe I misspoke. I don't think you're trying to do that. But you're also as close as Harry is ever going to get to having a father once again. That comes with certain responsibilities. That means you have to deal with his mood swings, his questions about girls - or boys - and even his unrelenting tendency to save the world ahead of himself."
"Am I a fool for thinking being a guardian would be easier than this? It's almost been plain sailing up until now."
"I've always seen you as a bit of a fool, so there's no change there. As for things running smoothly…well, since you've taken on that role, he's navigated court trials, a deadly tournament, the passing of his friend, and several cursed artefacts."
"Is this supposed to cheer me up?"
"Yes. Because, if you've navigated such a bumpy road, then you'll be fine in the long run. This is just another hurdle to cross. Once the worst of the anger has bubbled away, you'll be back to normal in no time. He'll be cursing your name right now whilst sitting in his room, but every parent goes through that at least once a week. Maybe even once a day."
"You might be onto something."
"And if you think this is bad, just consider what it's going to be like when girls are thrown into the mix. Harry was bad enough during the Triwizard Ball. It can't be much longer before he's coming to you for advice about how to start a relationship…and everything else that comes along with that."
Sirius wiped a tired hand across his face. "Can't you deal with that when the time comes?"
"I don't exactly have a lot of experience when it comes to the fairer sex."
"It's been a while for me too."
Sirius cast his gaze towards the empty staircase, still picturing the scene Harry had caused. The angry stomps seemed to echo around the hallway, though that may have been the remnants of an old curse laid into the foundations by one of his darker ancestors. He wanted to do something to make the situation better, yet knew that meddling would only lead to more confrontation. Was it wrong of him to have thought that their relationship would be plain sailing? Should he have seen something like this happening? Was it a miracle that it had taken this long to come about?
"Did I do the right thing?" he wondered aloud. "Is this the right way of going about it?"
"You have to stand firm," Lupin advised. "He has to be punished for something like this, whether you like it or not. I'll be keeping a keen eye on you over the next few weeks, just so that I can make sure you don't relent."
"Would I really do that?"
"Yes. Easily. As soon as Harry smiles at you, you'll be wanting to reverse this decision. Being a guardian and earning Harry's respect means you have to stick to your guns."
"Does that mean he doesn't respect me right now?"
"I thought that was obvious, given what he was just saying. He loves you, Sirius. That's a crucial part of your dynamic. Getting his respect is the next part of the job."
"I need a drink. A large one. And then another one after that. And another for good measure."
"How about you go into the living room and sit yourself down? I'll make you one of those cocktails you don't want anyone else knowing you enjoy."
Sirius smirked. "It's like you read my mind."
"And then…maybe we can discuss organising an actual picnic, seeing as the children seem so hell bent on pushing us towards having one."
"Again, you're a mind reader."
xxxxxxxxxx
And so Harry stayed in his room. And stayed some more. And a bit more after that. It was a good thing that his punishment was coming whilst he was at Grimmauld Place, rather than Privet Drive, because his previous room would have felt entirely like a prison cell. At least his current bedroom came with some personality, some points of interest. He was more grateful than ever that he'd taken the time to design and decorate it just the way he wanted it, though he didn't feel he could enjoy it over the ensuing weeks.
That would have surely negated the torture, which would have rendered the whole exercise futile.
The only shining light was that he had Hedwig for company, which meant that he wasn't totally alone all the time. The problem with that was the owl would invariably want to go out hunting, and Harry didn't have the heart to give into selfish desires. He'd always relent, opening the window to give her her freedom, and he would stay behind as if he were the one in the cage. Whenever she left, he pictured Hedwig returning with a letter from Hermione or Hagrid, but the notes never came.
The most he got was a dead mouse, as if Hedwig was trying to cheer him up with a present.
It didn't work.
As instructed, Harry ploughed through his assigned tasks, ensuring that he was well ahead of schedule by the time the school year started once again. His studious nature meant that it wasn't much of an ask to force himself to do the work, even though he contemplated pushing his books to one side as a form of silent protest. Before he promptly realised that it would only be his grades that would suffer, and dealing with the worst of Hermione's wrath (once they were reunited) wasn't worth the slight and brief satisfaction he would have gotten out of the petulant behaviour.
The two adults would regularly come to see him, looking increasingly guilty about what they were putting him through. But they didn't change their mind. Thus, conversation remained stilted whenever they poked their head through the door, no matter what meals they were accompanied with. Harry would take the food, thank them politely but with little show of emotion, and then return to his desk. He was sacrificing his sole human contact for the foreseeable future, but it felt like the only card he had left to play.
His mind would invariably wander. He would lie upon his bed, staring at the ceiling, recounting the spells that would have allowed him to escape if it hadn't been for the underage use-of-magic bylaws. It wouldn't be long before he finally reached the age that put those concerns to rest, when he'd be able to do whatever he wanted. One more year. That was all that he had to get through. The problem there, of course, was that it was looking increasingly unlikely that he would make it to the next milestone.
Those were the sort of morose thoughts that naturally consumed a person when they were locked away. Having learnt in the past due how important a positive mindset was, Harry would put extra effort into channelling happier memories. Looking at the walls, his surroundings would shift into a new location, allowing him to picture what it would be like to see Hermione again, what it would be like to step aboard the Hogwarts Express once more, what it would be like to be a free person again.
Perhaps he was going a bit stir crazy.
Until at long last, right before Harry was going to resort to chalking up the number of days on the wall, Sirius appeared in his room. Instead of hovering by the door like he'd done the previous times, his godfather cautiously stalked towards the bed. Without waiting for an invitation to do so, he settled himself down atop the duvet. Harry had purposefully not responded to his presence, as if looking the man in the eye would be some form of acquiescence, some form of defeat. As a result, a few seconds of silence consumed them, making it feel just as awkward as when they'd first met.
Sirius was clutching a letter, which was enough to potentially fill Harry with a bit of excitement. It carried the recognisable emblem of Hogwarts, which sadly meant that it wasn't from one of his friends, but it was the first connection he'd had to the outside world for at least several years (a few weeks). Harry just wasn't going to show any sort of enthusiasm until Sirius made the first move. He was the jailor - it was only right for him to take responsibility.
"Your OWLS results," came the explanation, with Sirius waving the missive in his face.
Harry knew that he was supposed to be sulking. But maybe the fight had left his body over the weeks. Or maybe he was just too desperate to find out how his exams had gone. Because he was quickly snatching the letter from his godfather's hand, who didn't put up much of a fight, and then was tearing through the envelope. He was faintly aware of Sirius' chuckles, which served to lessen the tension in the room akin to a balloon being deflated.
"McGonagall has already spoken to me," Sirius continued. "I tell you, I was quite nervous when she appeared through the fireplace. Normally, she's a harbinger of doom. Though…don't tell her I said that, will you? She might not be my Head of House anymore, but that won't stop her from seeking retribution in a different way. She's as cunning as a cat, that one, which I suppose makes sense seeing as she's…well…you know…occasionally feline."
"McGonagall came over?"
"Very briefly. She probably wanted to speak to you directly, but obviously understood what's going on. She wanted to congratulate us in person on your results. I've never seen her smile so much. I think she was on her way to do the same with Hermione, though there are no surprises there, are there?"
Harry was quiet as he looked down at the results, with McGonagall's signature swirled on the bottom. A sigh of relief escaped his lips as he took in the scores, none of which went below 'Exceeds Expectations'. Even Snape had seemingly begrudgingly marked him highly for his Potions exam, which surely proved that he must have been near perfect in that particular test. He could feel his eyes burning and he clenched his fist, as if that would force the tears to stop before they properly started falling.
"Everything alright, Harry?"
He wiped at his face. "Yeah…it's just…I really didn't expect to do this well."
Sirius frowned. "Why not? You've put so much work into this. You deserve nothing less."
"I know I revised and I know I probably study more than most people, including a lot of the Ravenclaws. But, with everything that went on, I thought my grades were sure to take a hit. It's a good job that Hermione told me to focus on the horcrux after exams were done with, hey?"
"This is about you, Harry. You might have had support from Hermione, but you're the one who knuckled down. Trust me when I say I don't know what that feels like, which is why I'm even more proud of you. You're bucking the trend. I was slightly worried that I was going to be a bad influence on you, so it's great to see that you've been able to ignore the worst of my traits."
"I don't think it would be a bad thing. You know…being like you."
"Does that mean we've reached a potential impasse?"
"I'm still not happy with you."
"That's to be expected. You wouldn't be a kid if you didn't hold onto a few grudges. A few adults are culpable of that as well. Just look at Snape."
"Do you fancy telling me more about what Snape was like when you were younger? That might cheer me up."
"I'm afraid it wouldn't paint me in the best of lights, and your opinion of me is already damaged enough as it is at the moment. But…once the dust has settled, myself and Moony will be more than willing to share a few tall tales. I think that'll make up for these past few weeks. Consider it as another birthday present."
"I wouldn't need anything else."
"Well, I guess I should send back all the other gifts if that's the case."
Sirius evidently expected Harry to react in some manner, potentially blurting out that such a hasty course of action was definitely not needed. Yet Harry continued to look at the thick parchment, his hands feeling oddly numb. It was a massive success, but it was one that felt hollow all the same. He simultaneously hated that he couldn't enjoy it and understood why the sensation wasn't as euphoric as one might have imagined.
"I thought you'd be happier than this. You're towards the very top of your year, let alone Gryffindor!"
"I am happy, don't get me wrong. But…it's exactly that, isn't it? Does the ranking mean anything when Matthew isn't on there?"
Sirius' smile fell, an understanding sigh reaching the air. For the first time in weeks, he bridged the divide between them, bringing Harry into an awkward but comforting side hug. They stayed like that for a few moments and Harry started to wonder how he could have ever held any ill feelings towards his godfather. It was another reminder of what he had now, something he could sometimes forget having been without for so long. Was that why he'd so easily put that relationship on the line in pursuit of the horcrux?
It further exemplified why Sirius had been so upset too, since he'd been without exactly the same thing for over a decade. They'd shared the same fate at the same time, uniting them before they'd properly met (at least at a point when Harry could remember it). More than ever, he felt like an idiot, his prolonged solitude evidently proving successful in the end. He wasn't going to change anything, but that didn't stop the regret eating away at him. It was something he'd have to learn to live with now he had a family looking after him.
"It's part of the reason why I put myself under so much pressure," Harry explained. "And why Hermione has added even more pressure onto herself. Matthew was one of the first people to inspire me to embrace that academic side of myself. If I'd failed these exams…it would have been like I was letting him down."
"He wouldn't have thought that. Not in the slightest."
"I know. Of course I know that. But…he's not here to reassure me anymore. He would have laughed in my face if I'd said this to him, but I'm tired of thinking about what he would have done. We should be celebrating our results together. And I know it's been months since it happened, yet it's these types of things that remind me about it. It's these milestones that make me sad all over again, as if I'm experiencing it all over again."
"I'm sorry to say that that's how grief tends to work. It creeps up on you. You feel as if you're making progress, and then it washes over you. But that doesn't negate the progress. Far from it. One day, the gaps between these episodes will be so large that it'll be a distant memory."
"I don't want him to be a memory."
"That's not what I'm implying. The grief will dissipate. And you'll be left with all the positive memories. He'd be so proud of you right now. As would your parents. Everything you do will just have them smiling kindly down at you. For now, you'll just have to trust me on this."
"Thank you, Sirius."
"It's what I'm here for. That's what guardians do."
"As well as punishing their kids?"
Sirius grimaced. "Precisely. Just…don't make me do it again anytime soon, yeah? It was awful."
"How do you think I felt?"
"But one of the good things a guardian can do is get their kids something pretty great for their birthday…"
"I don't want any clues…"
"This isn't strictly a present. Not one you can wrap, anyway. I've been having words with Dumbledore about how we can help you, and we realised that there are some restrictions that you could do without if you're going to succeed in this fight. So…we've been sweet talking the Ministry so that we can subvert some certain age restrictions."
"Meaning?"
"...how do you feel about learning to apparate a year early?"
