The next few days swept over them like a tidal wave. Olivia drowned in paperwork, and didn't hear from Elliot beyond a text here and there. She worried, but it wasn't like she could chase him down. She felt lucky she could at least stand at her desk.

When Fin slowly pushed into her office, she should have expected bad news, but things had settled, and she naively thought, hoped, things would calm enough to let everyone recover. Unfortunately, things never worked out that way.

With one word, one name, she knew things were taking a turn for the worse.

Fin's eyes dropped to the floor, "Whelan." Her normally stoic sergeant's voice was thick with emotion.

Damn it. "Where's their team now?"

"Scattered. I heard from Reyes. He's still at the hospital."

Olivia dropped her head into her hand. "Damn it Whelan," she muttered under breath.

She sighed, but couldn't decide exactly what she wanted to do. She and Elliot were obviously something , but they hadn't had more than a minute together since the arrest. Their relationship status fell into a weird middle ground until they could define what it was, and she wondered if calling him would be too much right now.

Fin stood, hands in his pockets, waiting for her to say something.

She let out a long slow breath. She trusted Fin with her life. How could she not trust him with all of this? "What do I do here?" Her eyes flicked to his.

"What are ya askin me Liv?" He maintained eye contact and she resisted the urge to shy away. She wanted to talk to him about everything, but she struggled to lean into the accompanying discomfort.

"I'm telling you Elliot and I are involved. But I have no idea where we stand."

Fin's face stayed neutral. She suspected he knew more than he let on. He always knew. "And?" He prodded.

"Do I call? Do I track him down? I'm at a loss," and she hated feeling like this.

"Liv. If someone, especially a member of our team died, I would want a friend there, and I would absolutely want my person, even if it's undefined, to be there for me."

She hated this. It felt foreign and uncomfortable. She thought about calling, but she knew he would insist he was fine, and she should stay at work. Based on the last time she saw him, she knew he was not going to be fine. "What are you doing right now?"

"Nothin. It's dead out there."

"Want help me track him down?" She asked with uncertainty. Fin wouldn't let her chicken out. He would make her follow through.

He gave her that look. That " I got your back baby girl" look. "Yeah. Let's check out their offices first."

He would be there. He would keep this away from home. She did the same. Keeping work and life separate was imperative. It was the only way to keep the job from consuming every part of life .

Fin led the way out of the squad room and she hobbled behind him.

-000-

Losing a brother officer never got easier. Elliot sat at his desk and stared blankly at the papers laid out in front of him. The quiet stillness surrounding him felt suffocating. Ayanna sat at her desk with the same blank stare. Jet took off an hour ago, and he knew she needed space to deal with this.

He wanted to call Liv, but he wasn't sure he could handle that look of empathy she often threw his way. Those deep brown eyes would inevitably break him down until he was a puddle of emotion, and he didn't want to be a puddle of emotion. He wanted to feel nothing. He wanted to be numb. He wanted to be someone else.

They made headway on a challenging case before this horrible case took over their lives. He saw an opportunity to drop undercover again. This was his chance to escape the pain and confusion plaguing his life right now. He needed to take on another identity until he could be Elliot Stabler again, the problem was, he didn't know how long that would take.

From the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Ayanna shoving her chair away from her desk. Her eyes focused on something behind him. He looked over his shoulder. Olivia. Fin trailed behind her. He stood. He wasn't going to make her limp all the way to his desk.

He made it to her in seconds, and she met him with those ever empathetic eyes. His heart pounded, and he wanted to reach out for her, but he hesitated to do so while others were present. She wasn't the least bit deterred.

Her arms wrapped around him, and he felt a measure of calm filter in through her embrace. He felt tears leak from his eyes. He didn't want to do this. Not here. Not right now. Fin backed off a respectable distance, but he still felt claustrophobic.

Her face buried into his chest and she whispered, "What do you need?"

He didn't have an answer. Everything felt wrong and screwed up, and nothing could make this better. "I don't know," he admitted.

She held him tighter and he felt himself melt into her slightly. Maybe he needed this right here. Her .

He heard her wince and grit her teeth. It had only been days since she was shot by a literal shotgun. "You need to rest Liv."

She shook her head stubbornly. "I'm not leaving you alone with this."

God he loved her. He nodded. He couldn't go to his home but maybe he could go to hers. Her hip clearly hurt and she needed to rest. "Let me take you home then," his voice resonated deep and low.

She hesitated, but whispered, "Okay."

"I'm gonna take Liv home," he spoke loud enough for both Ayanna and Fin to hear.

They nodded, and he hated the worried look plastered across their faces. He was fine. Ayanna lost someone too. Why did everyone focus their pity on him?

He kept his arm around Olivia, providing support as they shuffled out of his squad room.

-000-

Something felt off. Really off. Elliot had a tendency to brood, but this felt different. Deeper. He remained deathly silent while he drove to her apartment, seemingly stuck in his own head. The last time he was like this was after he shot a teenage girl, and the implications chilled her. He was going to leave again. She knew it. She hoped she was wrong, but deep down she knew she wasn't.

He kept his hand on her back as they entered her apartment. She stopped at the end of the hall, uncertain of what to do now. The hesitation was short lived because she knew what she wanted to do the moment he offered to take her home.

Her face turned towards his, "Help me get into bed, I'm tired of the couch."

He nodded, but his blank expression furthered her concern. She felt desperate, and the moment they stepped through her bedroom door she began kissing him.

One hand stayed on her back, but the other dropped to her good hip. His response felt tempered and distracted.

She kissed him harder and pressed her body against his. He responded, but tepid at best. He allowed her tongue entrance to his mouth, but he continued to keep the contact slow and guarded. She pulled away in frustration. "Kiss me like you actually mean it," she growled.

"Liv," he cautioned, but she was having none of that.

Her lips found his again, drawing his bottom lip into her mouth. She nipped at it somewhat aggressively to get a response, but he pulled back again.

"Damn it El," she groaned in frustration. Her voice lowered. "I'm practically begging you to f-ck me and you're giving me this?"

His next words shouldn't have surprised her, but they did. "I'm considering taking an undercover assignment."

And there it was.

She wanted to yell and scream. Wasn't she reason enough to stay? "You can't run from everything Elliot," she said bitterly. "It always catches up to you."

"I'm not running."

"Like hell you're not." She pushed back the angry tears gathering in her eyes. "At least I'm expecting it this time." Probably a low blow, but it was true.

"Olivia," his voice dropped with the pain she knew was threatening to consume him.

She wasn't sure why, but she began kissing him aggressively. She knew it was stupid. She knew it wouldn't change anything, but it felt like the only way to make him stay.

His lips moved against hers and she started toying with his belt buckle. His hands stopped hers, "Liv," he breathed. "I can't do this, and leave you behind. I won't do it."

She didn't care. Maybe she needed this. Maybe she needed some assurance that even if he left her, he'd come back. Her mouth brushed his. "I'm not asking you to stay." Her fingers toyed with his belt buckle, "but I can't let you leave without knowing exactly where we stand."

The rhythm of his breathing picked up, and she slid her hands under his shirt. "You can say no. You can walk out of this apartment right now, and nothing will change, but," her eyes bore into his. She oozed confidence until this point. She hesitated. "I love you." Her heart pounded relentlessly. She dropped her eyes, unable to hold the intensity of his gaze. "I love you," she whispered again, "and I want this. I want you," she bit her lip, "more importantly, I want you to feel how much I love you…"

The sound of their breathing filled the air, and she realized she just told him she loved him and propositioned him in one breath. Maybe it was too much for him. Too much too soon. Maybe she was way off base.

His lips came down roughly against hers, "God Olivia," he dropped a row of kisses along her jaw. "I love you so damn much."

She smiled and pulled his hips towards her as she backed up to her bed. "Show me," she whispered. The words must have unlocked something within him because in one swift movement he dropped them both on the bed.