I love you.

Every Friday he sent her the same text. I love you. It came during the work day so she usually kept her phone close on Fridays, far away from snooping eyes. This was hers. This was all she had, the only intimacy she enjoyed, and she wasn't ready to share it with anyone.

On this particular Friday, McGrath was railing her for who knows what. She honestly stopped listening ten minutes earlier. While his face turned that special shade of red, her phone pinged.

I love you.

Her hand immediately flew to her chest where the compass necklace sat. Her fingers brushed across its surface as she tried to contain the smile that inevitably crept across her face when his text came through.

"Am I clear Captain?" McGrath must have finished his tirade.

Her fingers dropped from the necklace as she answered, "Yes sir."

With no more than a curt nod, he left her office. She let out a sigh of relief at his absence and picked up her phone. She finally allowed herself the smile that had been teasing at the corners of her mouth.

You almost got me in trouble with McGrath. I love you too.

She always texted him back, usually with a little info about her day, but he never texted anything beyond that weekly I love you.

She continued to stare at the screen, wishing they had more than this, but that was impossible. She knew nothing about the undercover op, and she had no idea how long he would be under. He left her completely in the dark, sending her one glimmer of light each week. I love you.

She sighed. Waiting. She hated that they were always waiting. Waiting for each other. Waiting to be ready. Waiting for the right time. Her fingers brushed across the surface of the compass. During the past month she stopped living under the illusion of a right time. There would never be a right time. One of them would always be working, always be undercover, or always emotionally broken. She realized they had been waiting for this mythical perfect timing that didn't exist. She was so damn tired of waiting.

She wished she could talk to him, about that realization. They were always much better than they had ever been apart, so why did they insist on working through their shit alone? She'd grown weary of being alone.

She glanced at the text one more time before she locked her phone screen and stood. Her squad needed to be briefed on whatever the hell McGrath had been screaming about earlier. She got the gist of his message ten minutes into his thirty minute tirade. The day needed to move on, no matter how much she wanted to live in the world of I love you.

-000-

A text. That's all he could give her, and he hated it. Truth be told, if anyone knew about his small weekly texts he'd be heavily disciplined. But he had to do something, reach out in some way, it was the only way he could reassure her that he was still here. That he hadn't disappeared. That he still loved her.

Four weeks, four texts, and he felt just as broken as he had the morning he left. His eyes dropped to his right hand. His wedding band gleamed up with blinding brilliance. He moved the band to his right hand when he went under. He spun it on his finger. He couldn't drop it into that drawer again. Not yet.

He wished he could let go, but he still felt haunted by memories of Kathy, and the guilt he felt from moving on. Maybe it wasn't the guilt of moving on that had him feeling stuck, but the fact that he loved another woman long before Kathy's death. Now he wanted to move on with that same woman. He couldn't quite shake that feeling of guilt and betrayal.

Olivia deserved better. She shouldn't feel like she was the other woman, because to him, she was the only woman, and that brought with it another wave of guilt.

His hand dropped into his pocket and his fingers brushed the surface of the ornament that permanently resided there. He smiled at the memory. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the look on her face when she opened the necklace. Her surprised face was perfect and completely priceless.

The bell rang above the shop's door, dragging him away from his thoughts. He watched a sketchy looking guy nod in his direction before passing him with a large bulky duffle bag. Elliot wondered how much the bag contained. 1 mil? 500k? He was becoming pretty well practiced at identifying how much was coming in based on the bag's appearance and bulk. That particular bag had to house upwards of 750k. He discreetly typed out the cash amount and a description of the client. He'd call Ayanna tonight to check in and pass along the info he collected this week. And as always he would ask her to check on Olivia.

-000-

Olivia dropped onto her couch. Fridays always saw an increase in assaults which usually peaked on Saturday. Based on the volume of reports today, she doubted she would make it through the entire weekend without being called in. She needed to enjoy the silence while it lasted.

She lifted her legs on the couch and criss crossed her ankles while using the couch arm as a pillow. One hand draped across her forehead and the other toyed aimlessly with her necklace. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander back to the days leading up to his departure. She remembered the feeling of his mouth on hers and his hands on her body. As much as she wanted to live in that memory, she couldn't get too lost in it with her son doing homework at the counter only feet away.

She let out a long slow breath as she willed her mind somewhere else, anywhere else, but Noah piped up with a question that destroyed her efforts.

"Mom?" His voice drifted from the counter and over the couch.

"Mmm?" She responded, still trying to relax with her eyes closed.Her fingers stayed glued to the necklace laying against her chest.

"Are you and Elliot not talking again?"

She shot into a sitting position so she could see him over the back of the couch. "Wait what? Why would you think that?"

He suddenly seemed bashful over the question, probably due to her intense reaction. She didn't mean to startle him, but the question came out of nowhere. His eyes dropped in embarrassment, but clarified the context behind his question. "I dunno. Sorry if I shouldn't have asked, but it seemed like you were talking a lot more, but I haven't heard you talk to him in a long time…" his thought tapered off.

She probably should have been proud to have raised such a perceptive child, but right now it just felt uncomfortable. "Uh, well, we were working a case together, and it's closed now."

Noah nodded and brought his focus back to his homework, but his body language communicated uncertainty and worry, so she prodded a little. "What's bugging you bud?"

His normally joyful blue eyes lifted and she read an untypical concern there. "You just seem sad lately, and I've been worried that he hurt your feelings again or something." He dropped his eyes to his homework nervously.

She flipped her legs off the couch and made her way to the kitchen. Noah had only spent a minute amount of time with Elliot, and she hadn't shared anything about their changing relationship. How did he know Elliot was the primary cause of her depressed mood over the past month? She bit her lip as she tried to decide how much information to share with her son. She leaned her elbows on the counter and his face lifted from the paper he'd been focusing on. "Elliot and I aren't talking, at least not really." Her heart sank at his obvious disappointment. He barely knew Elliot, but he seemed to sense Elliot's importance in her life. "But it's not because he hurt my feelings." That wasn't entirely true. She didn't want to admit it, but his leaving stung a little. She understood his need to get his head together, but his absence prodded the tender parts of her psyche.

"Why aren't you talking then?"

She walked to the fridge and pulled out a capri sun. She stuck the straw in and handed it to him. He smiled and slurped the drink. She wasn't going to go into the emotional drama of it all and Elliot's reasoning, but she could ease her son's mind. "He received an undercover assignment."

Most ten-year-olds wouldn't quite understand what that meant, but Noah's entire support system worked in law enforcement. He understood exactly what that meant, and the implications surrounding it.

"Oh okay. So he can't talk to you. He's not just ignoring you or anything." She adored how fiercely protective Noah was over her well-being. They were team Benson, and they protected each other.

"Exactly. Contacting me would be extremely dangerous and could ruin the case his team is building." She aimlessly swept some crumbs off the counter and tossed them into the garbage.

Noah sucked his capri sun dry. "Do you know what he's working on?" Noah prodded.

"No." She wished she did. She had no idea how dangerous his assignment was and she hated it.

"That sucks."

She laughed. "Yeah. It really does."

-000-

Ayanna ——texting Fin

A: How's Liv this week?

F: Tell Stabler to check on her himself

A: You know he can't do that

F: You realize this is some pretty jacked up shit right?

A: I do realize that.

F: And you're enabling him.

A: You know as well as I do Stabler does whatever the hell he wants.

F: That's fine and dandy, but when it affects my girl we got some problems.

A: Look. Stabler does crazy dangerous reckless shit when he's triggered. I swear it's some kind of Catholic penance or something. This UC gig is far better than what other batshit crazy plan he could have come up with.

A: Help me out, he's going to call soon and he'll ask, and if I don't have an answer then he's going to blow cover and try to come home which will probably get him killed. I really don't want to be responsible for that do you?

F: Fine. She's okay. McGrath rained down some heavy shit today, but that's pretty normal. Seems tired.

F: Tell him to get his ass home as soon as possible.

A: I'll tell him you miss him.

F: He wouldn't believe that for a second.

A: So true.