The buckshot in her hip and ass was surprisingly more painful than this…probably because she kept slipping in and out of consciousness. Everytime she felt aware, her body shut down from pain, and probably blood loss.

She remembered some of the ambulance ride. At least she thought she did. It was possible she was mixing memories with a different ambulance ride because she was fairly certain Kathy was dead. That irked her. She was probably dying and she was seeing Kathy? Like what the hell?

Olivia didn't believe in ghosts, at least she didn't think so. To be honest she was a little on the fence about it. But she was seeing Kathy clear as day, and she wasn't sure Kathy was the person she'd want ushering her into the afterlife. Then she realized she really didn't have someone she would actually want to guide her towards the light, and that thought was a little depressing. But, here she was, probably bleeding out, with the face of Kathy Stabler hovering over her.

Good hell. What was the deal with Kathy lately? Elliot saw her in his interrogation room. Truth be told, she thought he was losing it, but now she wasn't so sure. She really hoped Kathy was a figment of her subconscious mind frantically trying to understand this whole dying thing. If not, she wasn't really sure how ghost Kathy would feel about her f-ing her husband.

She almost felt relieved when unconsciousness overtook her because she could be freed from the ghost of her partner's dead wife.

-000-

Fin burst through the ER doors just as a stretcher flew by with the body of his best friend. He knew better than to get in the way. He didn't want to distract medical personnel from even one moment of her care.

He startled when Amand practically ran into him. "Did they get her here alive?" Amanda was uncharacteristically frantic. She looked like she might combust at any moment.

"Yeah," he rubbed his forehead anxiously. "Just saw them wheel her past."

Amanda's eyes bore into his, and he knew she knew what he was thinking. "It's bad?" It was a soft statement of fact more than an actual question.

"I don't know. It didn't look good." He felt himself imploding, but he pushed the feeling away. Everyone looked at him as stable. Bulletproof. And mostly he was, but when things got to him, really got to him, he put the feeling away. He set it aside until he could deal with it. Problem was, he never got around to dealing with it. He had shit to do and melting into a puddle wasn't an option. It never was.

"Damn it." Tears freely covered Amanda's cheeks. "Damn postpartum hormones," she cried. But Fin knew that was just an excuse because he felt the same anguish and he didn't just give birth.

"Hey," he pulled her in for a hug. "She's tough."

"But not bulletproof Fin. As much as we wish we were, none of us are." Ain't that the damn truth.

"I'm gonna check in so they know her family is here." He suddenly paled. "Where's Noah?!"

"Shit," Amanda pulled out her phone. "Late rehearsal." Her voice caught. "Liv was coming to visit me and the baby while Noah practiced." Amanda closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying desperately to keep her emotions in check. When she opened her eyes she just stared at her phone. "Who do we call to pick him up? What's Phoebe doing tonight? Oh God, Sonny has the baby and the girls. Shit!"

"You gotta slow down. How much longer does Noah have at rehearsal?" Fin remained calm. At least one of them had to.

Amanda glanced down at her watch. "He's got another 45 minutes."

"Okay. Let's figure this out. Phoebe's workin' tonight, I can call her, but I'm not sure she can get off."

Fin knew what they were both thinking. Both wishing. Stabler. Why was he always AWOL when they needed his goddamn ass here? Fin eyed Amanda."You got Stabler's number don't ya?" Of course she did. They had created some weird bond with the Shadowerk case, and Elliot wouldn't leave again without a way to touch base outside of the accepted protocol.

She swallowed. "Yeah I do. At least if he's kept the same one. I know Liv had a number she could call him on too. Not sure if it was different from the one I have." She scrolled through her phone until finding the number, and she passed the phone to Fin. "Bell might kill us," she warned.

"Bell can kiss my ass. She shouldn't have let Stabler take this idiotic assignment to begin with. I'm not looping through her, just to have her deny my request to call. We're callin' em. Now." He hit the call button, and paced with each ring. "Goddamn it Elliot. You better pick up the damn phone," he muttered to himself.

"Stabler." He muttered.

"Aren't you UC? And you answer the phone with your actual name?"

"Fin?" His voice sounded stupidly confused, and he didn't have time to catch him up on the situation.

"Yeah. I don't have time for a long explanation so just listen. Olivia got shot on the way to Amanda's."

Silence. Fin wondered if the connection was holding. He removed the phone from his ear to double check, and sure enough, the call was still live. "Stabler?"

"Uh sorry, I uh." He sounded as bad as Amanda.

"I can get you up to speed later, but Noah had a late dance thing tonight. Someone needs to get him, and I need to stay here, and Amanda's here too…"

"Yeah yeah, I'll get him. I'm on my way now." Fin heard the jingle of keys as he headed for his vehicle. There was another moment of silence before Elliot asked. "How bad Fin?"

He wanted to lie to him. He wanted to tell him it was gonna be fine. Problem was, there was a real possibility it wouldn't be fine, and Stabler should know. "It's bad, man. Get Noah. Get here."

"Okay." Fin could hear the emotion in Elliot's voice. "I'll call once I've picked up Noah."

"Great. Just get here."

-000-

Elliot tried to tame the anxiety welling in his chest, but he was failing. He wanted to pull over. Get a grip. But he couldn't. He had a job to do. Get Noah. He needed to deliver Noah to the hospital, and then he could fall apart. Not now. Not while he sped through traffic. This wasn't the time.

At a stoplight he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. He was done. Ayanna had to know. After this, he was not going back to this assignment and he wasn't ever doing another extended UC gig. It was incredibly stupid for him to take the assignment in the first place. It might not be the best timing, but she needed to hear it from him. Now. He hit her contact information on the phone.

"Stabler, what's up?" She asked, and he felt bitter. He wasn't sure why. It wasn't like she knew about Liv, and she certainly didn't know this was going to happen. Still, he felt bitter all the same.

"I'm out. I'm not going back. Do what you can with what I collected, but I'm not going back under."

"Elliot, what are you talking about? You can just bail…"

He cut her off. "I can. I'm done. I'm taking some of my vacation time. Not sure how long yet." So much depended on the events of the next few hours.

"Elliot slow down for a minute please. What the hell happened to cause all of this shit?" He could hear her frustration and it only made him want to yell more.

"I told you I was burning out, and you just left me here. I'm done." He felt the emotion he wanted to keep at bay rising. "Tonight while I layed in a dingy hotel, Liv…" His vision blurred. He needed to get it together so he could keep driving. "God," the emotion was choking him. "She got shot, Ayanna, and it's not good, and the only reason I know is because Fin broke protocol."

"Elliot," she tried to soothe.

"No. I'm just." He let out a frustrated groan. "She could die." His voice shook, "She could die, and if Fin didn't call…" he had to get off this call. "Look. I gotta get Noah, but I'm done. I'll call when I feel like I can, but I just. I need a minute."

"Okay." He knew he had stunned her into silence, and part of him felt bad for that, but he really only had room for one emotion, and that emotion was dread.

He sighed. "I'll call when I can." He said before he hung up the phone.

-000-

Elliot made it to Noah's rehearsal fifteen minutes sooner than he thought. He wanted to get to the hospital. He did, but he hesitated. Noah looked happy at that moment. He was giggling with his friends, and this…this was going to wreck his entire world.

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat. God. Liv was all this kid had. He briefly wondered who had custody of Noah in case…in case… he couldn't even create the thought. She would pull through. She had to pull through.

Just then Noah's eyes flicked up and he noticed Elliot standing in the corner.

"Elliot!" He yelled, and bounded towards him.

Elliot's heart clenched. He faked a smile, "Hey bud," he took a breath, "I uh." Noah's blue eyes brightly engaged his. "Something came up at work." He was such a liar. He'd tell him in the car. "You ready to go?"

He seemed a little confused, but okay with the arrangement. Elliot knew he was on Noah's "safe list" and it was pretty normal for him to be picked up by people on that list.

"Yeah, let me grab my bag. They're done practicing the dances I'm in."

Noah jogged over to a wall of cubbies and pulled out his dance bag. He threw his dance shoes in and changed into his street shoes. He stood, zipped the bag shut, and hurried back to Elliot.

The awkward silence on the walk to his car nearly killed him, and he felt immense relief when they finally made it to his SUV. He turned the ignition, but didn't put it in drive. He knew he just needed to do it. Noah would surely notice them driving to the hospital. Not home. He took a breath and dove in.

"Noah?"

His blue eyes popped up from his phone. "What's up?"

God he hated this so much. "Um, uncle Fin sent me to pick you up." He watched Noah's face fall. The kid obviously sensed there was bad news coming. "Your Mom is in the hospital." He felt his voice shaking and it took everything he had to keep his shit together. "She was shot Noah."