Alright writerofloveandangst27... You got to me haha. I usually work through my stories on a rotation, and I was due to update this one in a day or two, but I knocked this out for you ahead of schedule. ENJOY...
"Noh," the boy looked up, and Elliot hated the fear and pain radiating from the kid's usually joyful countenance. "Are you sure you want to go to the hospital? It might be a long time before we know anything. I can take you to Amanda's. I'm sure your Uncle Sonny would love to have help with the new baby."
Really he just wanted to spare Noah whatever scene awaited them at the hospital. He wasn't sure Noah needed any memories of his mothers broken body. He wasn't sure he needed that either.
Noah looked almost hurt at the suggestion, and Elliot felt guilty for making it. His voice stayed small and quiet when he answered. "She's my mom Elliot." His eyes welled with tears again. "I need to be there for her."
That left him thoroughly destroyed. He swallowed the emotion bubbling up through his chest. "Alright bud. We are almost there."
They spent the rest of the drive they spent in tense silence. Elliot slumped in relief when the brightly lit hospital came into view. Parking was slammed, but he didn't want to spend an eternity driving around trying to find a good spot. He parked at the first one available. He and Noah clicked off their seat belts simultaneously and hurried to the hospital entrance.
They stepped through the sliding doors, and Elliot lifted his phone to his ear to call Fin. He searched around the waiting room, but there were no familiar faces. As the phone rang he glanced down at Noah who looked incredibly pale. He needed to get this kid somewhere to sit before he fell over. Watching him was heartbreaking.
Finally, Fin picked up. He already knew Elliot's question.
"We're down the 100 hallway. There's some chairs here."
Elliot looked around until he found a sign directing them to a hallway labeled 100s. "Be there in a sec." He glanced down at Noah again. "I've got Noah with me."
He heard Fin audibly sigh. "He okay?"
Dumb question. "Not at all," Elliot responded. He jerked his head towards the hallway indicating Noah should follow him there. "See you in a second," he added before hanging up.
Noah followed him in uncharacteristic silence. Elliot kept checking beside him to assure himself that he was there. At the end of the hall they found Amanda and Fin sitting, and looking haggard. When they noticed Elliot and Noah's approach they scrambled to their feet.
To his surprise, Noah rushed past him and practically barreled into Fin's arms. "Oh hey." Fin seemed at a loss for words, and decided to just hug the boy back. Noah pressed his face into Fin's broad chest, and Elliot watched his shoulders shake as he sobbed.
Elliot stifled the twinge of jealousy at Noah's obvious trust in Fin. He shouldn't be surprised. Fin had been a constant in the boy's life since the day Olivia brought him home. Elliot knew Noah liked him, but in this situation a child wouldn't want someone he liked. He wanted someone he loved and trusted. And just like Olivia, that person was Fin.
Elliot turned towards Amanda who now stood next to him with her arms wrapped around herself. Her eyes were puffy, and she looked a mess. He realized he probably didn't look much better. His eyes felt like they'd been grated with sandpaper. He moved closer and wrapped his arm around her in a half hug. Her head dropped to his shoulder and he could feel her attempts to steady her breathing to keep from crying. He knew this was bad, but seeing Amanda brought a new level of severity to the situation. Amanda was not the type to throw around emotion carelessly, and she was a wreck. This had to be bad.
Noah continued to cling to Fin, but Elliot needed to talk to him, and find out what the hell was going on. He caught Fin's eye over the boy's curls and Fin seemed to understand.
Fin pulled away from Noah and crouched down to the boy's eye level, keeping his hands fixed to Noah's upper arms. "I need to talk to Elliot for a minute. Will you keep Aunt Amanda company for a bit?"
Noah's normally bright eyes were filled with tears as bit his lip and nodded. Elliot released her shoulders and Amanda reached her hand out and pulled Noah towards the chairs they had previously sat in.
Fin motioned for Elliot to follow and they moved further down the hall, out of earshot from Amanda and Noah. They stopped and Elliot stood, arms crossed and waited for an explanation. Fin struggled for words so Elliot impatiently asked, "What the hell happened? I was with her yesterday. She didn't seem worried about anyone or anything. Did you guys pick up a case or something where she was threatened?"
"I wish I knew, man." He rubbed the back of his head. "We haven't picked up anything out of the normal. I mean, there's always the f-ed up boyfriend or husband, but nothin' worse than that." Fin folded his arms on each other. "All I know is I got a call from some unis sayin' a captain was shot and I was her contact. They told me what hospital and I hauled ass here. I saw them bring her in and man," he pinched his eyes shut, trying to not relive the memory of his best friend being carted down a hospital hallway on a gurney. "It looked bad. She looked bad." Fin opened his eyes and Elliot felt himself unable to stop the tears from escaping his eyes. He brushed them away, but there was no hiding them. Not that he needed to, Fin looked about as emotionally shot as he was.
"Any updates?" Elliot croaked out.
Fin shook his head. "They don't have a shooter. They're searching for casings. I sent one of our detectives over. Churlish is pretty over bearing. She wont let them miss nothin. They didn't find a bullet so…" Elliot knew what that meant. Not a clean through and through. It was lodged in her body somewhere. Oh God. He felt sick. He tried focusing on the act of breathing.
"I've checked with the nurses but they know nothin. No updates from anyone. We're just sittin' here." Fin's voice echoed the helpless feeling constricting Elliot's chest.
"So we're just waiting?" Elliot confirmed.
"Just waiting," Fin agreed.
-000-
Olivia laid there, and tried to figure out what the hell the universe had against her. It seemed like every time she achieved anything that even resembled happiness it was yanked from her in a cruel and aggressive way.
The self-loathing part of herself thought she might deserve it. Years of therapy helped her come to grips with the situation that provided her life, but sometimes she felt like karma wanted to make sure she was punished for the sins of her father. It was a stupid irrational conclusion, and she knew it wasn't true… mostly. She could never deny that the way she came into the world altered the trajectory of the lives of those around her. Not always for the good.
She didn't really believe in a cosmic scale, weighting the good and bad deeds of others against a higher standard, but how could she explain the never ending shit show that was her life? If there wasn't some eternal balance in the universe, why would her life be filled with tragedy after tragedy. Sure. She was allowed some flecks of happiness in her ultimately lonely life.
There was work. While she derived a sense of purpose and passion there, she also worked with people at their lowest which left her with a jaded view of the world around her. And then there was Noah. Her perfect bright spot. He was born to worse circumstances than she could have dreamed. But he defied the odds of nature and grew into a bright source of happiness in her otherwise dark world. She understood the dissonance of it all. Noah was a blessing born of horrific circumstances, while she considered herself cursed. It didn't make sense, but feelings never did.
Then there was Elliot. Good Lord. Elliot was a complicated part of her existence, and she could never decide if he was a blessing or a curse. He made her feel. God, he made her feel everything. And sometimes that was just too much.
She maintained a world where she held stiff control. That probably was due to the universe's constant attempts to screw her over. The control was an illusion, but it made her feel like she had some say in the course of her life. But Elliot. God, Elliot was the reckless wildcard that exploded into her life creating unbearable levels of love and pain. From the day they met, he had her spiraling in a free fall, grasping for any source of control, only to realize that when it came to him, she had none.
He scared her, but not in a physically imposing way. No. She could hold her own there, and there was no universe in which Elliot would hurt her physically, but emotionally? Emotionally, he had the power to decimate her, and he had. Multiple times. She desperately wanted to hate him for it. Hating him was much easier than admitting the absurdly true alternative. She loved him. God. She loved him so damn much.
And that's why she felt like the universe was kicking her ass…just for the fun of it. She and Elliot were FINALLY getting their shit together, and this happened. She was literally walking down the damn street, minding her own business, and she was shot. This proved her point. The universe hated her. That elusive happiness finally felt within reach, but the damn universe swatted her hand away. And now? Now she was being torn away from all the people who ever meant anything to her. It made her want to give the universe a finger and a stiff F-ck you.
Good hell. Her ribs felt like they exploded. Breathing was a chore. If she was going to die anyway, what was the point of struggling to continue this whole breathing thing. It seemed like a waste of time. But then she remembered. She remembered the sparkle in Noah's eyes, and the feeling of his arms around her. Her perfect miracle boy. She remembered a montage of years held behind a crooked smile. The sound of her name on a pair of lips she only recently kissed senseless. There was Elliot. There was a compass and a promise to find happiness…and she had…only for this horrific event to rip her cruelly from her hard earned joy.
No. This was not going to beat her, because damn it, she deserved to experience happiness, and years of therapy taught her that happiness wouldn't just happen. She needed to reach out and grab it. So she was going to do just that. She was going to force air into her lungs, and she was going to find a way to survive this, because she'd be damned if she left this life before she was allowed to live it in the way she deserved. Somewhere in her subconscious will, she forced her heart to keep beating, and dragged air into her lungs. She wasn't going down. Not yet. Not when she had so much left to live for.
Not sure this resolved anything for you guys, but we will get there I promise!
