Anxiety is a funny thing. It's so weak, so powerless on a good day when all the cogs are turning right and you're laughing with your friends beside you.
And then one thing happens, one tiny roll of the dice, and it swallows you whole.
Pete thinks he's just about done with anxiety. It's plagued him for as long as he can remember, when he and Richie used to run away from the older kids at recess and hide in big abandoned warehouses until the break was over. And now it's reaching a point so severe that he thinks he can barely feel it at all - it's just washing over and around him as he stands in front of the mirror in the room he's been allocated.
Paul has gone out for the evening. F*ck him.
There is a creak behind him and Pete spins around. Peering out from behind the now slightly open door is Steph, her wavy brown hair escaping from where she pinned it up for training today.
"Hi." She says quietly, tucking a loose strand of it behind her ear.
Peter breathes out. "Hi." He returns. "How... how was today?" He feels he shouldn't be fraternising with the competition or something, but he figures if he's going to die soon, he may as do whatever the hell he wants in the meantime.
Steph creeps in the rest of the way. "It sucked. I met that asshole Max, and this girl from 2 wouldn't stop bothering me."
"Grace Chastity?"
"You meet her?"
"Yeah." He huffs, and she laughs.
"She's... something else." That makes him chuckle then, too.
"Well, this whole shitshow is. And those outfits they put us in for the ceremony?" She shakes her head.
"I didn't mind the suspenders!" Pete defends, fidgeting.
"The bow tie was a bit much, though." Steph argues. "Seriously, what kind of nerds do they think we are?"
"Probably exactly the kind of nerd that I actually am." Pete raises an eyebrow.
Steph laughs again. That's twice now, Pete thinks.
"I didn't know you were funny." Steph comments dryly.
"...Me neither."
"I wish... I wish we'd hung out before now, you know?" Steph sits on his bed without asking, so Pete figures he may as well follow suite.
"You think?" He starts slowly, his whole life experience up until now telling him that this is a bad idea.
"Sure. I've wasted my short and pointless life dealing with popular kid drama and politics. But you and your friends... Mitch? And Beth?"
"Richie." Pete corrects quietly. "And Ruth."
"Right. Well, you always seem to have a really great time. In class, or whatever."
Pete hums in agreement. "They're the best. They're kind and smart, and I'm never gonna see them again." Embarrassingly, his voice breaks at the sentiment.
"Don't say that!" She protests. She sounds so like Alice in that moment that Pete has to bite back a laugh.
"Why not? It's true."
"No it isn't. Lots of people that nobody expected anything of have actually gone as far as to win the Games you know."
"Shouldn't you be hoping I go early? Better for you?" Pete is only half joking.
"At this point, I'm just hoping neither of us has to see the other die." Steph shrugs.
"If I'm getting a bad feeling, I'll tell you to close your eyes." The boy leans back slowly to rest his head on the wall behind them. "Allies then?" He says warily.
Steph holds her hand out to shake, but pulls back before Pete can take it. His breath catches in his throat and he shrinks back, wondering if its against the rules of the Games to kill a tribute before they even get into the arena.
"Friends?" Steph says instead, like it's a foreign word.
Pete nods, and reaches again for the proffered hand. This time, they shake on it.
