Paint and Powder

A Star Trek anthology by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager et al are the property of CBS Television, and creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

Written by jhosmer1, why Enterprise didn't get a gynoid body... Or rather, why she didn't keep it.

DAY ONE

"OK, Scotty, what did you want to show me?" Captain James T. Kirk asked as he walked into the Engineering Lab. He had just spent a stressful hour talking to Nurse Chapel about the death of her fiancée Roger Korby. He so preferred problems he could shoot or bluff his way out of.

"Oh, Captain! I was takin' a wee look at the contraption we beamed up from the surface, and well, the lass thought it could be tweaked a bit." The Enterprise's Chief Engineer was looking somewhere between proud and bewildered.

"Tweaked, Scotty?"

"JIM!" a female voice exclaimed, and suddenly his arms were full of a voluptuous young woman with silver hair and wearing only a blanket. While he did not know how she could be here, her face was very familiar, if only from viewscreens.

"Enterprise? How-?"

"It's that android making machine. I interfaced with it and gave it a pattern based on my avatar and gave it a piece of my black box and—"

Kirk didn't listen to anything else. He picked Enterprise up in his arms and carried her, bridal style, out of the lab.

"Och, I do love being a matchmaker," Scotty said, before heading to his own quarters and celebratory scotch.

DAY TWO

"I think I see the problem, lass," Scotty said, looking over the disturbingly inert form of Enterprise's gynoid body. "Certain parts of the central computing unit are burnt out. We'll tweak the specs a wee bit and move your crystal bud to a new one."

DAY THREE

"How in hellfire did you get syrup in THERE. No, I dinnae want to know."

DAY FOUR

"Lass, if I make them any more flexible, they'll be bendier than a Regulan Bloodworm!"

DAY FIVE

"What do you mean, the leg came off!?"

DAY SIX

"I tell you, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, I am not getting anything done but constantly making androids for the lass. And she's going through them faster than shi—well, something a Highlands pig farmer would know about." Scotty was on the bridge, already dreading the next call from the ship's increasingly distracted AI.

"Indeed," the Vulcan first officer said. "I have also noticed a great decline in the Captain's work output."

"Spock, it's just the honeymoon period," Dr. McCoy said. "They'll calm down once they get it out of their system. I can prescribe some shore leave for them if it will help."

"Currently, the gynoid cannot leave the confines of the ship without going inoperative, Doctor. Even if we increase the range, we cannot have the Enterprise hovering indefinitely over a pleasure planet while we hope for them to 'get it out of their system.'"

McCoy was about to say something else when the intercom chirped. "Scotty?" Enterprise's voice came out, "hypothetically, how far do you think I could detach a gynoid's head without losing motor control? It's for a friend."

Scotty and McCoy looked at Spock.

"I will handle the issue, gentlemen. Mr. Scott, please dismantle the android creating device and prepare it for shipping to Memory Alpha. Dr. McCoy, let the crew know, discreetly, that they are not to mention this episode ever again, especially to the Captain."

"Forget."

"But, Spock-!"

"Enterprise, lock all memories regarding the android creation device and your activities with the Captain under your highest level encryption for Starfleet Command Eyes Only. You are to compartmentalize this memory and leave no backups. Authorization Spock-Gamma-Three-K'aiidth-Two-One-Zero-Four. Acknowledge command."

"Acknowledged... Spock? What happened? I have a weird memory gap."

"You attempted to analyze a piece of alien technology from the planet, Enterprise, and it caused a serious fault that compromised your efficiency. Compartmentalizing the memories was the only way to correct the fault. I apologize for the necessity."

"Spock, Bones, would either of you care to explain what happened over the last few days? I seem to have a blank spot in my memory."

Spock looked at McCoy, who gave a sheepish grin.

"It was that android creating device, Jim. Apparently, it has some side effects that Korby didn't know about. Best we leave it to the experts at Memory Alpha."

"Ah, I see," Kirk said, though he looked troubled.

After he walked away, leaving McCoy and Spock alone in the lounge.

"We're going to hell for this," McCoy said.

"Fortunately, Vulcans do not believe in hell, Doctor."

"Then you better hope they never learn about this, or they'll make a believer of you."

"I am sure that Memory Alpha will be able to study the device and create gynoid bodies for AIs in the future. Then Starfleet can create the proper regulations to keep this problem from reoccurring."

"Another shipment of strange alien doodads from the Enterprise? Put it into storage. We're still working on the last 20 things they sent us, to say nothing of the other exploration missions. And file it properly this time!"