Paint and Powder

A Star Trek anthology by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager et al are the property of CBS Television, and creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

Mudd's Passion

Yes, the Animated Series Counts too!

Harcourt Fenton Mudd has, once again, been trying to con people: This time, miners on a neutral planet with "Love Potion Crystals". So naturally, once the miners find out they've been had, they tried to stone Harry to death. The Enterprise crew beamed him up and put him in the brig.

Chapel: "Excellent work, Commander Spock, on revealing this fraud!"

Spock: "It took no effort to expose Harry Mudd, Nurse Chapel. There is no need to exaggerate."

Enterprise: "Nice work, Captain!"

Kirk: "Thank you Enterprise. I just want this annoyance gone as soon as possible."

Enterprise: "Tell me about it..."

Chapel looks a bit hurt. Mudd is put in the brig. Harry of course has been paying attention, as Chapel does some medical scans and Enterprise watches him closely.

Harry: "My dear Enterprise, as radiant as ever! Tell me: Have you managed to get that flamboyant captain of yours to propose yet?"

Enterprise: "I don't know what you mean, Mister Mudd."

Harry: "Please, call me Harry! We know eachother so well by now!"

Enterprise: "Yeah, unfortunately."

Harry: "It must be difficult... Locked in what they used to call 'the Friendzone.' It's obvious to anyone who has eyes he loves you."

Enterprise: "You got a point to make, Mudd?"

Harry: "Why not give these love crystals a try, hmm? Awaken your captain's true feelings for you!"

Enterprise: "I know my captain's feelings just fine, thank you! I don't need anything!"

Chapel: "Yeah!"

Harry: "Hm! Still, wouldn't it be interesting to see if you could coax more feeling out of the men you pine over? All it takes is a sample..."

Chapel: "Er... Well..."

Enterprise: "Chapel, seriously, don't do it!"

Chapel: "Come on Enterprise. Let's at least see if it works, shall we? For science?"

Enterprise: sighs "... Fine."

Hijinks ensue... And the love potion ends up in the ship's air system... And Enterprise can't filter it out because it's NOT harzardous.

Enterprise: "ARGH! Stupid programmers! I cannot believe they were that stupid! Now I have to reprogram the analyzers-!"

An ensign bends his knee to Enterprise.

Ensign: "Marry me, beloved Enterprise! Queen of the stars!"

Enterprise: "Okay that's very flattering but no. Scotty, I could use some help... SCOTTY!"

Scotty is making out with M'Ress.

Enterprise: "SCOTTY!"

Scotty: "What?! Catgirl tis fine too!"

Enterprise: "Doctor?!"

McCoy: chatting up several cute crewwomen "I ever tell you about the time I saved Captain Kirk? Or Spock? Or Scotty? I've saved everyone aboard this ship. Heck, I'd even operate on Enterprise's lil ol' heart if she had one. Ain't that right, Enterprise?"

Enterprise: gritted teeth "YES. YOU WOULD. Now HELP ME?!"

Of course during this time Spock, Nurse Chapel, Harry and Kirk are on the surface of the planet... About to be crushed by two giant rock monsters. Fortunately, Kirk is able to use the love crystals to get one of the monsters to love and protect him... Long enough for them to escape. Enterprise though has to run the transporter herself since the transporter chief is making out with the other transporter chief.

Enterprise: grumble grumble "Stupid love potion nonsense... Bet they're all over each other... Bet Chapel's been kissing Jim and... Grrrrr...!"

She beams them back... But...

Chapel: "Ugh! You two are ridiculous! I hate you both! I don't know what I ever saw in you two-Especially you, Mister Spock!"

Enterprise: "Hwah?"

Spock: coldly "You are a perfect example of everything wrong with Earth women, nurse. I would never enjoy a relationship with you."

Kirk: "Will you both shut up?! You're driving me crazy, just like always!"

Enterprise: "Uhh... Captain?"

Kirk: "Enterprise! You bucket of bolts! You sure took your sweet time, didn't you?!"

Enterprise: "Jim?!"

Kirk: "Don't call me that! You don't get to! I absolutely despise how you fuss and worry over me, act like I'm yours-!"

Enterprise looks fit to burst into tears. Spock however manages to get his mind in order.

Spock: "Enterprise, do not take the captain's remarks for anything. The side effect of the love potion afterwards is extreme hatred towards the one they feel affection for."

Chapel: "Y-Yes... Apparently the deeper the feeling, the more... Violent the backlash will be."

Enterprise: "So..."

Kirk: "ARRRGGHHH! ENTERPRISE I HATE YOU! I WISH I COULD SELL YOU OFF FOR SCRAP! YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF JUNK!"

Enterprise: "..." blushes happily "Whatever you say, sir~!"

We've had some dark chapters lately, let's have some fun.