Paint and Powder

A Star Trek anthology by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager et al are the property of CBS Television, and creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

2375

Near Occupied Betazed


A rare opportunity had arisen. A Dominion strike force with a heavy dreadnought had strayed too far from Betazed, and been cut off by the Allies. Little by little, the enemy task force had been whittled down until only the massive command dreadnought remained-Its warp drive disabled.

Like most Jem'hadar ships, it was going to fight to the death.

Task Forces 99.8 and 99.6 were set to engage the gigantic warship, once they arrived with the Galaxy-X-class battleships New Jersey and Rodney, and the Sovereign-class battleship Bismarck. Task Force 99.3 was to keep the huge Jem'hadar battleship from fleeing.

And so, USS Maori, USS Nonsuch, USS Leopard, and USS Enamori Jenn were one squadron of Coontz-class destroyers assigned to keeping an eye on the huge warship. It had been nicknamed "Leviathan", and the name had been distributed around the fleet. And just outside of polaron beam range, it certainly was massive.

Maori's AI stood alongside her captain, Lieutenant Commander Vurek, who assessed the readings calmly.

"ETA of the reinforcements?"

"Six hours, twenty-two minutes, sir," Maori reported, standing at attention. Vurek appreciated her professionalism, and she his. It's why they made a good team.

"I believe we can make a torpedo attack when the frigates Hiroshima and Dragon are in position," he said, "send to the squadron to-"

Maori's eyes widened.

"What the-?!"

A single destroyer flared its impulse drive to full and broke formation, charging for the huge Dominion battleship. Vurek leaned forward.

"Comms, hail the Enamori Jenn."

"Channel open, sir," Gwen Tucker, the comms specialist, reported.

"Enamori Jenn, this is the Maori. Is there a problem? Please respond."

Silence. Vurek looked over at Maori.

"Try the Borderlands. Maybe there's a problem with their communications."

"Aye sir," Maori said. She closed her eyes, and reopened them in the Borderlands. She linked with her sister ship.

"Enamori? Is everything all right?"

The avatar of Enamori Jenn turned away briefly. She was attractive, with short blonde hair in twin long braids down her back. She was dressed in the standard white uniform of a Starfleet shipgirl, but with a long leather jacket and a wide brimmed hat on her head. The badges on them appeared to be from one planet's historical naval uniform... Betazed's.

After all, she had been named for the first Betazoid in Starfleet.

Enamori smirked.

"Oh yes... It is just fine," she said.

"Then why are you charging the very big Dominion battleship?" Maori asked.

"You'll see!"

The battleship had been afforded no name, just a number: DHC-65. Nolnon was its Vorta Commander, and his First, Yokan'vog, had been contemplating the hopeless situation they were in.

"How long until the warp drive is back online?" Nolnon asked again. The Vorta chief engineer, a female named Cidan, responded:

"Nine more hours, assuming we have no interruptions-"

"Commander," Yokan'vog said quietly, observing through his eyepiece, "Federation starship is closing."

"Has one of their battleships arrived early?" Nolnon asked, pulling on his eyepiece.

"No sir... It's a destroyer."

Nolnon stared in disbelief as the tiny, one nacelle-powered destroyer charged them at full impulse.

"Is this a suicide run?" He asked.

"The course is not for collision," the Jem'hadar at Sensors reported, "it is-"

The ship shook, as the destroyer opened up with its phasers.

"Lock on and fire!" Nolnon shouted.

"It is too fast to lock onto!" The Weapons Jem'hadar reported, and both Nolnon and Yokan'vog watched the tiny destroyer seemingly dance through the hail of polaron cannon fire. It strafed them again, firing every phaser it had, launching torpedoes... And...

"Is that...?"

The ship had tilted, its dorsal side facing them. They could see into the shuttlebays. Nolnon zoomed in. His jaw dropped further.

It looked like dozens of crew members of the tiny Federation destroyer were shooting phasers, photon grenades, and even screaming insults at them as the ship passed.

"We are being hailed by the ship, text only," the communications Jem'hadar reported.

"What is the message?" Nolnon asked.

"I AM BETAZOID. FOR THE HONOR OF BETAZOID. FUCK YOU ALL YOU DICKLESS LIZARD BASTARDS. I AM BETAZOID..." The Jem'hadar looked up.

"It goes on like that."

The ship shook again.

"Return fire!" Nolnon shouted.

"Audio message now, sir!"

"Put it on!"

"FOR BETAZED! DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKING PETRI DISH SPAWNED REPTILIAN EGG LAYING CUNTS-!"

A very loud song was blared right alongside the angry insults. Nolnon vaguely recalled it as the Betazed national anthem.

"Shut it off! Continue firing!"

For hours after that, the tiny little destroyer made attacks on the massive dreadnought. Its weapons did little actual damage to DHC-65, but they were unrelenting. And the small destroyer was fast and agile enough to dodge most if not all of their retaliatory strikes.

And all the while, it kept up the constant insults, screams, and blaring music-The Shipgirl AI managed to get around the cyberdefenses and made every speaker on DHC-65 play it at full volume.

It went on for so long, that when the rest of the Federation reinforcements arrived... Nolnon was almost grateful that his death was imminent.

He could only hope the afterlife for Vorta did not contain angry Betazed destroyers and their mad crews.

Maori was glaring at Enamori Jenn in the Borderlands, hours later, when the tiny destroyer finally broke off her attack. By the smug look on her face, it certainly wasn't due to the repeated orders to disengage.

"What the bloody hell was that?!" Maori demanded.

"My crew is entirely Betazoid," Enamori Jenn said, "so it's very easy to come to a conclusion quickly when you're all telepaths."

"And that conclusion was?" Maori asked, exasperated.

Enamori Jenn smirked.

"Fuck the Dominion!"

Inspired by the ORP Piorun, the Polish Destroyer in World War II that has become legend for fighting the Bismarck herocially.

And Enamori Jenn is apparently the first Betazoid in Starfleet. And though she is from an STD-based novel, we certainly won't hold that against her.