Homer the Father Homer gets addicted to a TV show called Thicker Than Water about a good father. He decides to live by it, which annoys Bart when Homer decides to not get him a dirt bike.
Plot
The title gag is Moe dressed as Eddie the Eagle about to leap from a slalom on skis. He screams as he falls.
The billboard gag is "Frying Dutchman seafood, now with 80% more fish eyes." There is a picture of Blinky the three eyed fish.
The chalkboard gag is "Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King Jr."
The couch gag is the couch running away. The Simpsons chase after it. They find it hiding in a magazine article about couches.
...
Homer is watching TV.
"Tonight on "Kent's Korrections," it has been brought to our attention that the word "correction" is actually spelled with a "C."" said Kent Brockman.
Homer rolls his eyes.
"We regret any confusion this may have caused. Especially to the sad, pathetic nitpicker who wrote in and complained..." said Kent.
"Lisa, mash the buttons till something good comes on." Homer groaned.
Lisa sighed and flicked through the channels.
"Welcome back to Tube Town, the home of Sheriff Wholesome" said an announcer of the TV station Tube Town. Sheriff Wholesome was just a cornball spoof of The Andy Griffin show. There is easy going music and scenes such as the sheriff playing a friendly game of chess with an inmate and no one trying to kill each other.
"Boooorrrriiinnng..." Oscar groaned as he arrived and sat down.
Homer tutted.
"Black President..." said the announcement. There was a black president. His racist all white cabinet of senators looks bored with him. Tough, it's the twenty first century.
Homer scoffed.
"And what's the problem with Obama?!" Lisa seethed. She likes Obama.
"Failed Geena Davis Sitcom 1986..." Probably ruined by the kid wearing shades on the poster.
"Or that she was in that awful The Exorcist spin off series." said Oscar. "The Linda Blair one was great. They didn't need to keep making films!"
Homer hushed him.
"The Voiceover Years..."
The poster was of a guy in his apartment. On the TV in the background is the infamous photo The Execution of Nguyen Van Lem.
Oscar grimaced disturbed by seeing that photo.
"Hannigan, M.F.A.-" It's about a fat, dumb and silly museum security guard. He is scared of an Egyptian mummy.
Oscar laughed.
"But coming up now, the classic '80s sitcom, Thicker Than Waters." said the announcer.
Its a sappy, cornball, loving and heartwarming family sitcom like the Brady Bunch.
Oscar screamed in horror and tried to get the remote.
"No! I like this show!" Homer held the remote out of his reach.
The sappy theme song plays. The mom is making cookies, the dad wears tacky sweaters... The dad gives some lollipops to the older teenaged son. The youngest son is squirting the dad with a hose. They are all happy and loving.
Oscar retches in disgust.
Homer sighs annoyed with his attitude.
A recorded audience cheers.
"Filmed before a live studio audience." said a small print.
Homer chuckled. "Everyone in that studio audience is dead now."
"So why are you watching this..." Oscar groaned bored.
The youngest son, the blond one is eating candy,
"You know candy's bad for your teeth." said the corny dad.
"You know, my fist is bad for yours!" Oscar heckled the TV.
Homer hushed him.
"If it wasn't for candy, you'd be out of business." said the boy. The dad is a dentist.
There is canned laughter.
"Hmm. Share these with your friends." said the dad giving him lollipops.
"Lollipops..." Christopher Lee said with distain.
Oscar winced at him.
The youngest son wants a baseball glove.
"Dad, I need a new baseball glove." said the son.
"Son, if I just bought you a glove, you wouldn't appreciate it. I'm afraid you're gonna have to earn the money for it yourself." said the dad.
"Get him the damn glove! He's gonna inherit all of your money when you die anyway!" Oscar yelled.
Lisa frowns at Oscar.
"Aw, come on, Dad." The boy whined.
"Aw..." The audience cooes.
"Oh no, not "the face."" Homer chuckled.
The audience laughs and applauds.
"Oh, life was so much easier when a machine told you when to laugh." said Homer.
"This show bites. It's a good influence on you. Which is bad! I like it when Bart runs rings around you!" Oscar sulked.
Lisa rolled her eyes.
The theme song plays.
"I liked the producing, the executive producing and especially the co-producing." said Homer.
"Executive produce this!" Oscar threatened to bludgeon him with a table lamp.
"But the supervising producing was the best I've ever seen." said Homer.
Oscar seethed and stormed off.
...
The backyard.
Bart is unhappy with his bike.
"Oh, stupid cheap bike. To think I was gonna put fenders on you." Bart yelled at his bike.
The bike said nothing. It's an inanimate object...
Syrus Truesdale was riding Cycroid, one of his cartoony Vehicroid monsters.
"It can even arm itself with training wheels!" said Syrus.
Bart winced at the teal haired boy wearing glasses.
"Jaden's probably wondering where I am..." said Syrus as he pedals back to the academy.
Bart is tempted by the sight of nicer bikes.
Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney are riding ten speed mountain bikes.
"Nice baby bike Bart..." They tease him.
Bart groaned.
"Oh, man, I sure wish I had a ten-speed bike." said Bart.
"Yeah well too bad you don't have fairies, or a genie." said Timmy Turner riding Super Bike.
"I'm not impressed with Super Bike..." said Cosmo frowning.
"Super Toilet." said Super Bike turning into its evil dragon form.
"Aaaaaaaagh! The flushing!" Cosmo cried.
Bart winced exasperated.
Indoors. "Dad can I have a ten speed mountain bike?" Bart asked Dad.
"What did your mother say." Homer asked.
"She said yes." Bart lied.
"I said no!" said Marge off screen.
"You will say yes! Or I will turn you into a cactus with my evil mind powers!" Oscar yelled.
"Oz stop being a brat!" Lisa yelled.
There was a pop sound. Lisa started honking like a camel again.
Bart sighed.
"Dad..."
"You brats are not bullying me with your evil psychic powers!" said Homer.
"Get him a cool new bike!" Oscar screamed.
Bart nodded and frowned at Dad.
"Homer no! Hold your nerve!" said Marge.
Oscar turned her into a cactus.
Bart smirked.
"The answer is still no." said Homer.
"I will hold my breath for a million years!" Oscar yelled. He holds his breath. He soon faints.
Bart face palmed.
"Thicker than Waters help me out here." Homer prayed.
The dad from Thicker than Waters is in his dream cloud.
"Don't even think about it!" Oscar points his gun at the Thicker than Waters dad.
"Sorry Homer you're on your own!" said the dad.
Homer groaned.
Bart frowned. Bongos rumble. Homer is now a jack in a box.
Homer screamed.
The bike store. Homer reluctantly buys Bart a ten speed mountain bike.
"Wheeeeeee! To being a spoilt brat!" Bart cheered delighted.
Marge frowns at Homer.
"You got turned into a cactus..." said Homer.
Marge grumbled.
Bart rides his ten speed bike.
Jimbo and his gang are on theirs.
"Hey check out my new bike..." said Bart.
"Aww nuts... Now we have to get something new to taunt you with..." Dolph groaned.
Bart laughed as he rode about on his new bike.
The attic. Oscar was studying golem creating magic.
"I wanna create a belly button lint golem." He pondered aloud.
Hugo winced.
Downstairs.
Marge is annoyed over Bart and Oscar's latest bout of tantrums and demanding new toys.
"Send Bart to Military school then... Oh wait we already did that." said Homer.
Marge signed.
...
School.
Fourth Grade tied up and gagged Martin to stop him reminding Mrs Krabappel to assign homework.
However...
"But Mrs Krabappel you forgot to- Aiiiiiiiieeee!" Arthur from the time the Itchy and Scratchy Movie came out called out.
Bart had already stopped him though by putting pins in a voodoo doll of Arthur.
Mrs Krabappel shrugged and dismissed class.
Arthur frowned at Bart.
Science class.
Hugo was dissecting vegetables and synthesising a laxative from them.
Bart winced at his twin.
Martin was mixing chemicals together.
"I'm bored..." Bart groaned.
"Mess about with your dissecting frog." Nelson suggested.
"Meh maybe we'll save that for another episode..." said Bart.
"How about you two stop getting up to shenanigans in science class!" Hugo ranted.
Third grade.
Oscar kept declaring he was Lord of the wombats. "For I am Lord of the wombats!"
Ace gawked exasperated at him.
Even the new kid was freaked out at him.
"Form of squirrel!" Oscar turned into a squirrel. He gnawed on an acorn.
Ace grimaced at him.
Everyone tried to get back to work when suddenly a beam of plasma blasted out from the fourth grade classroom windows. The third graders were distracted by this.
"Hugo you didn't need to demonstrate your super duper death ray cannon..." said Mrs Krabappel.
Ace shrugged and sat back down.
Oscar was human again. He was doing his assignment.
The King of the potato people arrived.
"No! I am working right now!" said Oscar while he solved sums.
The giant, sentient spud riding a flying carpet sighed disappointed and flew away out the window.
At work Homer discussed Thicker Than Waters.
"The dad on that show is such an inspiration... And his kids are so well behaved..." Homer sighed delighted.
"Uh yeah... Tube Town has some great shows..." said Carl.
Homer sighed dreaming about the sappy theme tune.
Lenny shrugged. "What's going on?"
"Oh Homer's got a new obsession. Like when he was obsessed with Slinkies..." said Carl.
After work and school Homer browsed Tube Town again.
"Bury Me Without A Coffin." Homer browsed the the show library, Ie like Netflix you have posters of each show and they play a trailer when you hover over them.
It was a spaghetti western.
"Meh..." Homer wasn't interested in it.
Plot 2
Bart studied his new bike and his supposedly crap old bike. He needed something other than tassels to show how spoilt he was.
"It needs flame stickers all over the bodywork."
Oscar rolls his eyes.
"Bart, that creepy kid is here." said Homer.
Bart headed inside. Milhouse was visiting.
"Hey, Milhouse!" The blue haired, glasses wearing dweeb followed him into the backyard.
"Oh, what's this?" Milhouse asked seeing his new bike.
"It's a ten speeder, don't touch it." said Bart. I am gonna customise it. Army camo printed tassels, flame decorated bodywork... A bullet proof seat..."
"One of those kits has a free rub on tattoo too." said Milhouse.
Bart gives him a hard look. "I don't need rub ons. I have a real, grown up tattoo, remember?" Bart shows off his Mother tattoo, which he still has.
"Folks still mad about that?" Milhouse asked.
"They occasionally bitch about it but no they've sorta got used to it..." said Bart.
"I know! I could get a moto-mimic. A little doohicky attached to the diagonal bar that mimics the sound of a motorcycle." said Bart.
"A moto-mimic?" Milhouse asked.
"Hello Moto..." said aOscar referencing Motorola commercials.
Bart face palmed.
"Time to hit the road." said Bart.
Bart pedals his bike." He hears Milhouse ring his bike's bell.
Bart sighed embarrassed. Milhouse still has training wheels on his bike.
Oscar still has training wheels too but Bart is more concerned about Milhouse's reputation since they are hanging out.
They catch up with Timmy Turner riding Super Bike.
Cosmo blew a raspberry sound with his tongue sticking out at Super Bike.
"Super Toilet." said Super Bike turning into a dragon again.
Cosmo screamed and whimpered.
Bart rolled his eyes.
Later they arrive at a bike store.
Bart gasps as he sees a cool new dirt bike in the window.
"Oh, my God! I think I just met the thing I'm gonna die on." He is in awe of the bike.
Oscar sees paramedics push a gurney carrying a dead car crash victim into an ambulance.
"I think I just met the thing I'm gonna die on." said Oscar. "Except they'll be driving me to the morgue after I died in a shoot out with the police..."
Bart win ed at Oscar.
"Gotta have that minibike." said Bart.
He day dreams he is wearing a matching helmet, gloves and padded clothes while riding the minibike around a muddy arena with slopes etc.
"Oh, my God. I've found my new look." Milhouse gasped. There was a girl mannequin wearing girl's overalls and wellies.
Bart winced. "Those are girl overalls..."
"I could pull it off." said Milhouse.
Oscar screamed, freaked out at Milhouse.
"Milhouse stop freaking him out! You wear boy's clothes!" Bart yelled.
Milhouse sighed.
...
At home. Homer watches Thicker Than Waters. The sappy theme tune plays.
The youngest son still wants a baseball glove.
"Dad, I need a new baseball glove." said the son.
"Son, if I just bought you a glove, you wouldn't appreciate it. I'm afraid you're gonna have to earn the money for it yourself." said the dad.
"But Dad, I need a new glove for little league..." said the blond boy.
"Ooooooh... Okay..." said the dad giving him money.
The boy left to buy a new baseball glove apparently.
"Tommy doesn't even play baseball..." said the mom.
The dad sighed, he had been scammed by his own son.
Homer groaned. "I liked this show better when the Dad had everything under control."
"I love the new changes." Oscar smirked evilly.
Homer flicks through the TV channels. The Cosby show is on.
"Zip Zop Boopity bop!" Bill Cosby spoke gibberish.
A studio audience laughed.
Theo Huxtable arrives. He sees an unconscious woman slumped in an armchair. "Dad why is there an unconscious woman sleeping in the armchair..."
"Oh I just slipped a little razzle snazzle in her drink, ah ah ah!" Bill laughed.
The studio audience booed and jeered.
Homer winced in disgust and flicked through the channels.
"He's a creep but he has a great taste in sweaters..." Oscar commented. Oscar is wearing a hideous, gaudy coloured turtleneck that looked like a lion threw up an artist's pallet of paints upon it.
Homer sighed looking for something to watch.
There was a World War II set comedy called S.L.A.W.
"I want my slaw!" Oscar yelled.
"You have your slaw sir!" said a fast food restaurant fry cook.
Homer sighed exasperated.
Also the statesman and scientist Benjamin Franklin was in it. and Hawkeye from Marvel...
Homer grimaced.
Later he is sleeping in the yard in his hammock. Bart pesters him for the dirt bike.
"Can I have it, Dad? Huh? Can I?" Bart shows him a picture of the dirt bike.
"Bart! Stop hopping about! And leave me alone! I'm resting.
"Dad I want this mini bike..." Bart frowned.
"I just got you a new bike..." said Homer.
"Get him the mini bike Or I shall inflict a thousand days of agonising torture upon you! with the searing flames and sharp needles and-" Dark Oscar yelled.
"Oz I think we get the point." said Bart.
"No." Homer held his nerve.
"Then I will sell nuclear secrets to China!" Bart yelled.
"You evil little Commie!" Homer yelled.
Oscar winced at Bart.
"Now go away, I'm having a nap..." Homer yawned and went to sleep. He snored loudly.
...
The attic. Oscar and Hugo are playing Magic the Gathering.
"Trading card game, check." Said Hugo.
"Goofy hairdo sporting main character. check." said Oscar grinning and pointing at his Troll doll style hair do.
Hugo sighed. "There must be lice in there. Even I get lice..."
Oscar frowned. "Lets just play..."
Hugo goes first. "I place down a black land to have black mana.
Shobu from Duel Master sends mana to his mana zone. His hand catches fire.
"Aaaaaagh! My hand is on fire! My hand is on fire!" He screamed and waved his arm frantically.
Hugo winced.
"Super puberty powers activate!" Yugi Motu yelled. He became Yami Yugi.
"Hello baby..." Yami said in a deeper voice.
Hugo face palmed.
Several turns later. Hugo has two black lands and two red lands. He also has a creature on the battle field.
"I summon Balthor the Defiled." He summons his commander.
"You'd probably think the black mana creatures with demonic names like Azog... or Such and such the defiled would freak out your mom..." said Oscar.
"Yeah well that's why I'd rather she not get a bee in her bonnet over my hobby thank you.l." Hugo frowned.
"Hey, I ain't saying anything." said Oscar.
Elsewhere, Geena Davis is backstage in her makeup room.
"Ms Davis..." A producer asks her.
"Your mother knits socks in Hell!" Geena is possessed by a demon...
The producer winced and left the room.
Back at Hugo and Oscar's session of Magic...
"I play the enchantmant Bad Moon! All my dark-" said Hugo.
"Not so fast! I have the exact card to negate your move!" said Yami Yugi.
Hugo frowned. "Did you shuffle your deck properly?!"
The living room.
Bart pokes Homer.
"Boy quit it!" said Homer.
"Get me that minibike!" Bart yelled.
"No. You wouldn't appreciate it. By holding my nerve I am being a good father..." said Homer.
"No you are the worst father ever! I'd rather take my chances in a hot car then have you as a dad!" Bart snapped.
"Why you little!" Homer strangled him.
The streets of Pikeland Avenue. Milhouse leaves the house wearing a pink leotard, a tutu and fairy wings. He hums a tune.
Nelson punches him. "Stop being a freak!"
"Ugh! Closet Nazi!" Milhouse grunted annoyed at him for not allowing him to dress as a girl.
Martin frowned at Nelson.
The Simpsons basement. Graggle is standing in the basement naked and eating beans from the can.
"Graggle what should I do?" Homer asked.
"Do about what?" Graggle asked eating some beans.
"About Bart wanting this minibike." said Homer.
"You should get him the mini bike." said Graggle.
Homer frowned at Graggle.
...
The kitchen.
Homer is glum.
Marge is ironing the bin bags. Yes she is ironing the bags that go in the garbage can to hold garbage...
"Now it's ready for garbage." said Marge.
Oscar grimaced at her, irked.
Homer sighs depressed.
"What's wrong, Homie?" Marge asked.
"Bart's mad because he wanted me to buy him something, but I didn't think it was the right thing to do-" said Homer.
Marge grabs him and throws him onto the kitchen table with what lesser strength she has and makes passionate love to him with deep wet kisses etc That would make the author of Fifty Shades blush.
"Eeeeeeew!" Oscar groaned in disgust,
"Marge, not in front of the refrigerator." said Homer smooching his wife as she tries to take off his clothes.
The fridge cried out in anguish and disgust.
Later after they made out...
"There's nothing sexier than a man being a good dad." Marge is uh horny...
"Whoa. Oh, well, in that case, Lisa is using her solar calculator, so I shall open the drapes to let in more sun." Homer opens the corncob curtains. Sunlight shines in as Lisa does sums.
Ace ignites and burns to ashes, because he is a vampire.
Oscar frowned. "You just killed one of my friends!"
Homer scoffed.
Marge giggles and drags Homer upstairs.
We cut to them in bed, they are exhausted after having sex.
"That was great!" Homer felt cleansed by their um session of passionate love making...
"Just hope the kids didn't hear us." said Marge.
"Well, maybe your kids didn't." Ned glared at them from Rod and Todd's room next door. Rod and Todd are staring slack-jawed, apparently they saw everything...
Homer scoffed.
Sometime later Oscar is out in the yard sprinting from something. "That was my best water balloon throw! Right on target.
A furious Homer is chasing him.
"Shame Homer didn't see the funny side..." Oscar flees from Homer.
"Homer! Leave him alone!" Marge said sharply.
"Yeesh! Marge! You were mad at him the other day over demanding we buy Bart that new bike!" said Homer.
"I was not mad at him! He was just being a sour pumpkin who earned himself a spot on the naughty stool." said Marge. Marge he is nine... not two...
Homer sighed.
"Fine you punish him..." Homer handed Oscar over to Marge.
"Okay, Oz you have to spend the day as a baby, wearing just a diaper."
We cut to Oscar sat in the playpen wearing a diaper. He is pouting.
Lisa winced. "This house is so weird..."
Plot 3
Lisa's room. She is typing up an assignment or essay.
Bart appears in a web cam window.
"Lise, I gotta talk to you."
"I'm busy." Lisa frowned. She minimised the web cam video.
"Don't you minimise me!" Bart yelled in a squeaky voice. He made an odd high pitched screech.
Ace clutched his ears in pain. Vampires, particularly in bat form have very sensitive hearing.
"Okay! Get in here!" Lisa yelled.
Bart arrives.
"How can I earn money to buy the world's most awesome thing?" said Bart.
"He wants a mini bike..." said Oscar hiding under her blankets on her bed.
"You could deliver newspapers." said Lisa.
"Kids don't deliver newspapers anymore." said Bart. "It's just creeps in trucks."
"He has a point. The guy who delivers the Sunday paper creeps me out, I think he might be a sex offender..." said Oscar.
Lisa grimaced at him.
Lisa sighed thinking of some other way Bart could earn money.
"Maybe if you buckle down and get good grades, Dad will give you money." said Lisa.
"Does he give you money for getting good grades?" Bart gave her an incredulous look.
"I've been doing the family's books for years. I take what I need." said Lisa.
Bart frowns.
Lisa sighed. "Okay fine! We don't always get what we want Bart! I still haven't got a friggin pony! I wanna pony!"
Bart winced at her ranting about ponies.
Hugo appeared in a web cam video, "Lisa I need some-"
"I'm busy..." Lisa minimised him.
"Don't you minimise me!" Hugo yelled in a squeaky voice. He screeches in a high tone too.
Bart winced.
"Bart just do some chores for Mrs Glick then!" Lisa yelled.
"No! She puts iodine on my boo boos! She pays me only two dimes a day!" Bart ranted.
"Lets go there so I can be cute again!" Oscar cooed.
Bart winced. "Oz you annoyed her by buying her candy dish so you could taunt her by keeping anything but candy in it."
"I once kept M & Ms in it..." said Oscar.
...
Mrs Glick's scary house...
Ie it is run down, the plants are overgrown and there are crows...
"Oh you must be Bart Simpson." said Mrs Glick.
"Didn't you move into the retirement home?" Bart asked squinting.
"I only go for the bingo, and the eye candy... That Abraham is quite a catch..." said Mrs Glick. She has a crush on Grampa Simpson...
Bart retched.
"I'm here too! And no, I will not return your candy dish or use it only to store candy! It is currently holding my collection of Troll dolls..." said Oscar.
Mr Glick seethed.
"Oz don't! You'll give her a coronary..." said Bart.
"Anyway dearie, what happened to that talking pineapple?" Mrs Glick asked Bart.
Bart winced.
"She thinks Lisa is a pineapple..." said Oscar.
Inside.
"Looks like you've got a strong young back." Mrs Glick is checking him out before finding a chore for him.
"Ma'am stop stroking my back..." Bart winced.
Oscar was a baby again. He was wearing just a diaper and sucking his blue pacifier.
Bart frowned at him.
"Close your mouth dear, you'll swallow a fly." said Mrs Glick.
Oscar was bouncing on the balls of his bare, plump feet. His diaper crinkled and squished as he fidgets.
"Do you want something to eat? I've got dried apricots, almond paste, sauerkraut candy." asked Mrs Glick, offering the two boys weird food.
"No thanks..." Bart winced.
"I'm not on solids yet..." said Baby Oscar.
Bart grimaced at him.
"Well I don't have any soft food. I do have teething balm though." said Mrs Glick.
"Don't worry Ma'am, He is not staying..." said Bart.
Oscar glared at Bart.
"Is that your brother?" Bart remembered when Mrs Glick kept going on about her exploding brother.
"Yes dear. I feel more and more at loss without him each year..." Mrs Glick sheds a tear.
Bart sighed.
...
Home. Homer is watching Thicker Than Waters.
"You were right, Dad. By not telling the teacher that Jimmy cheated on the French test, it's like I cheated." said the younger, blond son.
"Snitches get stitches..." Oscar hissed annoyed at the programme.
Homer hushed him.
"Well, as they say in Paris, "Ma voiture est pleine de crème glacée."" said the dad on Thicker than Waters.
"You just said, "My car is full of ice cream."" said the younger son.
Homer laughed.
Oscar sighed exasperated.
Bart came in.
"The answer is still no."
Bart frowned. "Fine I shall do this until you buy me that mini bike!" He does his high pitched minimised screech.
Windows shatter, Homer's ears bleed.
"Okay! Okay! I'll get you that dirt bike!"
The bike store. Raphael sighs seeing the Simpsons again.
"Dad no! If you give into him, I'll Uh... I'll buy myself a pony with your finances you trust me to look after!" Lisa yelled.
Homer gasped. "You'd dip your hand in the till?!"
Oscar had glowing red eyes.
Homer groaned conflicted.
"Dad do not crumble!" Lisa yelled.
Oscar turned her into Camel head Lisa again.
"Hoooooonk! Hoooooooonk!" Lisa honked.
Bart laughed.
Marge sighed. "I thought you had turned over a new leaf after being inspired by that TV show dad..."
"Oh that Thicker than Water dad? His kids are placid and oolite because he hits them off screen..." Oscar frowned.