Chapter 41
Crede quod habes, et habes
"Believe that you have it, and you do.— Fake it until you make it."

"But screw your courage to the sticking-place,
And we'll not fail."
—Macbeth

Kagome pulled out a clean uniform, setting it on the bed, staring at it. The crisp whiteness of the shirt seemed to mock her.

She'd been covered in blood before, stained her shirt with dirt and grass, but very rarely had it ever been hers.

Never before had she been targeted because of it.

She didn't want to wear it.

She chewed on her fingernail, tongue running over the edge of her nail.

It was one day.

How bad could one day be?

She'd get her notes. She'd get her assignments. Find out what she'd missed. See if there was any hope of making up those exams, if they would allow it.

The green skirt mocked her from the bed. So innocent and not.

"Kagome?"

She flinched; Inuyasha's voice unexpected from where he sat at her desk. She'd forgotten that he was there.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine." She grabbed the clothes, before darting off towards the bathroom. It was like ripping off a bandaid. She just needed to put them on, and it would be fine. Everything would be fine. She was fine. They were fine. Everything was fine.

Shutting the door firmly behind her, she stripped down to her underwear, clasped the bra on behind her, and took a deep breath before dressing herself as quickly as she possibly could. She definitely heard a seam rip somewhere in there, but it was on and done, and she kept her face down to avoid seeing herself in the mirror.

It was just too much right now. She already felt like she was hanging together by threads that were coming looser and looser each moment she tried to hold herself together.

She went into her bedroom, trying to calm her racing heart as it shook her entire frame. Inuyasha stood in the middle of her room, staring, almost gaping, and she made a bee-line for him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face into his chest.

"You okay?" He asked, wrapping his arms slowly around her frame. She took a deep breath. She should tell him. She should say something, anything. Tell him that she couldn't do it—that should couldn't go to school. She couldn't wear the uniform. She couldn't do it.

"Yeah. I just needed a hug."

His arms tightened around her, and she rallied herself.

She could do this. She could do this. She could totally do this.

She needed to do this, didn't she? She needed to prove to herself that she was normal, and she needed to prove that to Inuyasha so that he would stop babying her.

But she also needed baby steps. Protocols.

Inuyasha rested his chin on top of her head.

"Inuyasha?" She asked, and he hummed a response, hands casually running up and down her spine as they stood there in her bedroom.

That was new, but she really kinda liked it.

"Can you come with me to school?"

The hands stopped moving, and she waited for him to push her away or something else equally demoralizing and psychologically damaging.

"Uh, I guess?" He said with a shrug. "You've never wanted me there before though."

"Kagome! Inuyasha! Breakfast!" Her mother called from the bottom of the stairs.

Kagome leaned back from him.

"But you'll come with me?" She asked, and he stared for just a moment before giving her a quick nod, agreeing.

That was—that was good. She could do this. If he was behind her, she could do it. She'd survive. She'd manage.

She stepped away, not quite missing the small frown that developed and flickered away as she did so.

"Everything okay?"

"Fine," he mumbled. "Your mom's asking about you."

She sighed, not quite ready to face music, but it felt more like she was marching towards her own demise than it was heading downstairs to breakfast. She'd survived the weekend; she could survive one more day.

As she sat down to breakfast, her mother was already at the table.

"Kagome, I wrote this note for your gym class to excuse you," her mother said, handing her a folded piece of paper. "I thought that if your leg was hurting, there was no sense in you injuring it more. And I'm sure that you more than enough physical activity in the past." She rubbed Kagome's shoulder, as she sat down at the table in front of the plate that her mother had made.

"Thanks, Mama," Kagome said as her mother squeezed her shoulder, and Inuyasha sat down beside her.

He glanced at her, setting her bag down beside her, as he started inhaling his food. She reached over and grabbed a fistful of his hakama before she started eating. She saw him look over at her, but she kept her grip, and he said nothing about it.

"Kagome," her mother started, and Kagome tightened her grip on his pant leg. "Do you want me to drive you?" She asked, and Kagome swallowed down the lump of egg.

"Uh—that would actually be—that would be really great," Kagome stammered, her hand relaxing. Inuyasha's own hand slipped over hers, thumb sliding under her fingers, gently breaking her grip. She exhaled through her nose, and smiled at her mother, who smiled back with equal fervor. "Thanks, Mama."

"Of course," she said with a smile. Souta flopped into his seat beside Inuyasha.

"Are you going to be here after school?" Souta asked him.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Cool! We can play later, right?"

Inuyasha glanced at Kagome as if asking for permission, and she smiled at him.

"Why not?" He said with a shrug, and Souta cheered.

"Manners, Souta," her mother chided, and Souta just grinned at Inuyasha, who looked simultaneously pleased and afraid at all the attention.

"Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?" Her mother asked as he finished his plate, standing up to set it in the sink as he always did now.

"No?" He questioned with a look at Kagome.

"Inuyasha was planning on taking a cat nap," Kagome filled in. He glared at her, ears twisting sideways at her word choice, but he didn't argue the point like she initially expected.

"Oh, have you not been sleeping well?"

"I'm fine. I usually sleep while Kagome's at school anyway. I don't cat nap." The last part was directed towards Kagome with a narrowing of the eyes. She smiled at him, watching with delight as his cheeks flamed up and he quickly spun on his heels to rinse of his plate in the sink.

Her mother smiled behind a cup of tea before standing and putting her own plate in the sink.

"Oh, Kagome, we'll need to leave now or else you'll be late," she finished her tea, setting the cup in the sink. "I'll take care of the dishes, dear," she told Inuyasha with a pat on his shoulder. "Let me get my purse. I'll meet you at the car, Kagome."

"Alright, Mama," Kagome said, standing. Inuyasha took her plate, frowning at the food that was still left.

"You need to eat more," he grumbled, setting it on the counter. She reached for her bag on the floor, and his hand smacked hers away before grabbing the handle himself.

"I'm going to have to carry it eventually, you know."

"Keh," he said, putting a hand on her back to guide her towards the back door. Kagome sighed, but allowed him to usher her out of the house.

"You're still going to come with me, right? You know the way?"

"I know the way, woman. It's not a hard place to find."

"No, I know that. It's just—" She was anxious, and she didn't understand why. She'd been doing so well back at Kaede's, and now it felt like she was at square one, and she didn't understand why. She looked up at him, hoping that he understood what she was getting at.

He stared at her expectantly.

"I'm a mess," she blurted out as they walked across the shrine grounds.

"Keh, when are you not?"

"Rude," she said with a scowl as they approached her mother's car, and she hesitated.

"You're okay," he whispered, and she looked up as he stared back at her, ears flicking to catch the sounds of her mother's approach. "You'll come find me if you need me?" She gave him a nod and a weak smile as her mother unlocked the door. "Swear?" He whispered, and she nodded again.

"I'll be back shortly, Inuyasha. Ready to go, dear?"

Kagome opened the door and lowered herself into the sedan.

"I'll see you?" She asked, the meaning behind her question clear, and he nodded, leaning down to set her bag next to her leg before stepping away to allow her to shut the door. The engine started, and her mother pulled out onto the main road in front of the shrine.

"You're feeling alright today?" Her mother asked.

"Yeah, I'm feeling good," she answered in a half-lie, well mostly lie. "I think I'm just anxious about going back after being gone for so long."

"I can understand that. You've missed a lot this time," her mother said.

There was a beat, a pause between them, a chasm really. It felt like it opened wider and wider each second Kagome didn't speak. Thankfully, her mother broke the silence for her.

"Kagome, is there anything that you need to go to the doctor for? I know you feel that your leg is fine, but is there anything—anything at all—that may need some medical attention?"

Kagome tried desperately to hide the mounting panic on her face.

The pregnancy test was hidden safely away, in her room, in a drawer, under clothes. She'd felt for it this morning, making sure that it was still hidden and that no one had found it yet. She didn't want to admit to something that might be nothing

She couldn't know. Inuyasha swore he wouldn't say a word.

Had she figured it out?

"No," Kagome answered, trying to keep the waver out of her voice.

"Nothing? You know you can tell me anything, Kagome. I won't judge you for it." Her mother glanced over at her, breaking eye contact with the road for just a moment. "I just want to make sure that you're safe. But I'm here, if you need me."

The burning returned to the backs of her eyes, and Kagome felt herself start to waver.

"Thanks, Mama. That's—that means a lot." Kagome smiled. Her mother loved her. She did. But there was no reason to tell her. It would only worry her more. What was done is done; Kagome just needed to move past it.

"Do you want me to pick you up after school?" Her mother asked.

"Inuyasha said that he would come, so I think I'll be okay."

"He's been very—" her mother paused as she considered her wording, "attentive to you. More so than normal."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kagome said, looking out the window as she bit back a flush across her face. She could already feel the heat of her skin; she knew that he was being much more touch-oriented than he'd ever been before, but it was another thing entirely to talk about it.

Especially with her mother, who made no effort to hide what she thought of Inuyasha becoming a part of the family.

"He's been much more considerate of you, and don't think that I haven't seen the way he stares at you when you're not looking at him."

"Don't be silly, Mama. He loves someone else. We're just really—we're just good friends. That's all."

Her mother hummed to herself as she pulled up in front of the school entrance.

"I love you, Kagome," her mother said quietly as Kagome opened the door.

"I love you too, Mama," Kagome answered, grabbing her bag and stepping outside the car. Her mother gave her a quick wave and took off, leaving Kagome standing in front of the gates.

For a moment, she considered running. Inuyasha would find her eventually. She could run, and it would be like today never happened.

But the red clad figure standing on the roof of the building made her pause and smile. His youki called out to her, gentle and welcoming.

As long as Inuyasha was here. She could do this.

Giving him a subtle wave, she walked towards the school building, chanting to herself that she could do this. It was just school. Just one day.

Taking in a deep breath, she opened the doors, and stepped inside.

Kagome immediately regretted every decision in her life that came to this moment.

Every head turned to face her, and stared, criticizing everything about her appearance.

"Kagome!" Hojo called, and Kagome found her hand grasping air as she instinctively reached out for Inuyasha, who was up on the roof and not here in the immediate vicinity.

"H—hey, Hojo," she stammered out, her mouth suddenly dry. He walked over to her.

"Wow, they were right. You are pale. Are you sure you're okay to be at school? You look like you've lost a lot of weight," he pointed out. "Not that you weren't skinny before, or that you look bad now! I—it's—I'm—" Hojo's mouth opened and closed several times before he opted for the smart option and just shut up.

Inuyasha might have actually punched him at this point. Kagome may or may not have stopped him.

"I brought you something though," he said, stepping back to his desk to take out a small satchel. "When Eri said that they saw you at the store, I thought that I'd bring this just in case. It's a tea that my grandmother makes. It's suppose to help with fatigue and a bunch of other things." He held it out to her, and she gingerly took it from him. "It will help with—" He let the sentence drift off, and Kagome broke his gaze to glance down at the satchel in her hand.

"Uh, thanks," she mumbled, moving to take a seat at her own desk.

She sat down, trying not to flop down like she'd wanted after walking through the hallways. Her body was tired. She'd thought that all those walks with Sango would've helped with her endurance some, but it seemed to be mostly shot these days.

"You're sure that you're okay though, Kagome?" Hojo asked, kneeling down beside her, and Kagome felt trapped in her desk by the nearness of him.

She reached out, trying to feel for Inuyasha's youki, and it flared a little at her searching and reaching, allowing it to comfort her from a distance. She smiled, taking the reprieve.

"You look a little better today," Ayumi commented from behind her.

"Yeah, you were really pale in the store," Eri added.

Kagome nodded, digging through her notebooks for all her homework that she'd managed to complete.

The teacher walked in, and Kagome felt some relief that they would all have to stop talking to her, and she would only have to focus on the one thing in front of her.

"Miss Higurashi, so good to see you." Kagome flinched at the mention, and how all the students turned to look at her. It made her want to curl up into a ball and disappear.

But then he began the lesson, and Kagome was never more thankful for notes and lectures, distracting her from the eyes that she constantly felt on her. She spoke with each of her teachers, submitting the work that she'd completed and asking about tests and what she'd be able to make up and submit at a later date.

When the bell rang for lunch, Kagome wasted no time in hurrying to grab her lunch and nearly sprinting up the stairs to the roof. Throwing the door open, she looked around for Inuyasha, feeling his youki but not seeing him at all.

"Inu—!" She squeaked his name out as he landed right in front of her, dropping her lunch in reflex.

"Thought I heard you comin'," he said, and she leapt right at him, arms winding around his waist as she buried her face into his chest. "You alright?"

She took several steady inhales with her face pressed against his chest, and he smoothed her hair with one of his hands.

"I'm okay," she said after a moment, holding onto him and taking comfort from his presence.

"Do you want to go home?"

She hesitated. She wanted to go home and hide, but really, what would that prove? She was oscillating rapidly between her own decisions, but this one she knew she had to stick it out. She had to prove—to herself mostly—that she could do this. That she could weather the storm and make it.

"I have to do this."

"You don't have to do fuck all."

She looked back up at him and smiled.

"I brought my lunch up." She leaned away to look for where she'd dropped it on the ground.

"You hungry?" He asked, leaning back slightly. She looked up at him and smiled.

"I thought we could share?" She said, and he frowned.

"You need to eat more."

"Well, I'm sure Mama put more food in my lunch than I can eat on my own, so come on," her hand found his and she tugged for him to follow, which he did without question, picking up her lunch as he did. Sitting back against the wall, Kagome held the box as Inuyasha scooted closer so that her thigh was touching his.

"You're sure that you're okay?" He asked, and she hesitated. She wanted to tell him that she wanted to go home and hide and pretend that this day never existed and that she was a coward and she'd obviously bitten off more than she could chew—but she didn't say any of that. He stared at her, and she gave him what she hoped wasn't a feeble smile, before turning away and leaning her head on his shoulder.

Honestly, she could skip eating entirely, she just wanted to lean against him and sleep.

"Do you want me to take you home?" He asked, shifting slightly.

"No. I've made it this far; I should finish it out." He nudged the box with his finger, pushing it towards her, an encouragement for her to open it and eat.

Untying the wrap, she lifted the lid. There was definitely more food than Kagome could eat on her own.

"See," she pointed out, taking a small piece of fruit and biting into it, offering him the box as well. He glowered, but took a piece anyway. "It does feel weird, not having you around though."

He grunted, taking another bite after she did.

They sat for the remainder of her lunch, nibbling their way through the box her mother had packed, with Kagome curled up against Inuyasha's side as they waited for the bell to ring.

He let her hold his hand between her own, running her fingers along the length of his claws.

The bell rang, loud and obtrusive, and she jumped a little at the sudden noise.

"That's my cue," she mumbled, standing and dusting off her skirt. Inuyasha stood with her, handing her the box from her lunch. "Thanks. If you want, you could go home. I know this is boring for you."

"I can stay," he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"It's okay, really. I wouldn't mind; I can make it home on my own. It'll be fine."

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked, uncrossing his arms, but keeping his stare on her.

"No! No, never! I just thought—"

"Then I'll stay." He shrugged his shoulders once more.

"You're sure?"

He huffed an answer back at her, irritated that she kept asking him, but she had to give him an out; she had to. Even she knew that Inuyasha rarely changed his mind.

"It's boring at either place, so just let it go, Kagome."

"Okay," she nodded before turning and opening the door. She glanced behind her, giving him a slight wave as she did.

Kagome returned to her class and classmates.

When this whole adventure had started what seemed like ages ago, she'd felt herself drifting from her friends here, in this time, and feeling more and more alien whenever she returned.

This place was an anchor, and in some ways, it felt more like it was dragging her down than it was keeping her securely in place.

She'd never felt that more as she stood in the doorway of her classroom, watching her friends greet her with warm smiles and wondering why she suddenly felt so alone.

Gym class was her last class of the day. She walked in and opened her locker to set her things, catching sight of her gym clothes. How—When—Have they always been that short? Had they always been that revealing?

How was she supposed to wear something like that?

The skirt barely covered her leg, and now, it felt something like from a nunnery compared to—to this—this loincloth.

She couldn't—everyone would see them—see the marks—and then she would have to lie—or explain—and—and—she couldn't. She just couldn't.

She couldn't do this.

She wanted to go.

"Higurashi!"

She jumped at the harsh shout from the doorway.

"Yes?" She squeaked, unable to stop her hands from shaking as she crossed the changing room.

"Office called and said you had a note. Don't worry about changing out. You can sit on the bleachers during class today."

"Uh, thank you. I appreciate it."

She looked at her hands, clutching them together tightly.

"You alright, Higurashi?"

"Yes, I'm fine, thanks. I'll just go get my work, if that's alright?"

There was a lingering pause and Kagome struggled to not flinch under it.

"Fine with me, hurry it up though."

"Of course, thank you." She turned and went back to the locker, feeling her body quake and tremble, and she knew that people were staring, because she could feel them, feel their eyes boring into her as they wondered what would make the poor girl actually snap this time.

Taking her things out of the locker, she followed the class out of the locker room, staring at the floor to avoid making eye contact with anyone. She didn't want to see the concern, the judgment, the pity. She saw all that with Inuyasha enough as it was, and she could barely stand to see it on anyone else.

"Higurashi, go sit on the bleachers." The coach motioned vaguely in the direction of the bleachers, and Kagome walked over, again feeling the stares of her classmates on her. Sitting on the lowest row, she opened up her notebooks and began to work while her classmates ran and played amongst themselves.

"Kagome?"

She looked up to see Hojo standing a few steps away. He moved towards her, kneeling down beside her, and she froze. Panicking at the idea that he might touch—her skin crawled in the light of the afternoon sun.

"Hey," he said, reaching down by her feet. She remained still, statuesque, as he leaned so close she could feel the heat from him against her skin.

The skirt was suddenly too short, and the material of her shirt too thin.

"Is everything okay? You look pale," he said, standing, looming over her.

He held a baseball in his hand, tossing it in the air slightly.

The man stood before her, holding the rock in one hand as he stared at her, apologizing, of all things, for what he was about to do.

"Kagome?" He asked again, and she came back to herself.

That wasn't real.

"Fine. I'm fine."

"You're sure? I can get someone—" His words drifted off as he turned away from her.

"No!" She nearly shouted, only just starting to reach out for him and stopping herself. "No, it's fine. I'm fine. It's—it's the lighting is all. Really."

He stared at her for a moment, before nodding and returning back out to the field.

Kagome returned her gaze to the notebook in her lap, suddenly incapable of focusing on anything at all. She reached out, searching for his youki, but there was nothing but emptiness, and Kagome wrung her hands together, trying to get rid of the sudden chill that permeated the air.

Maybe he'd left after all. She didn't know why that suddenly bothered her so much. She'd given him the option to do so, after all.

But then maybe it was the idea that he'd taken her up on it. It had to be boring waiting up there all day for her. And her room was definitely more comfortable than waiting up on the roof. But she'd made that offer before everything, and she didn't want to walk home alone now. She didn't want to walk home with anyone else.

The coach eventually called out to her, motioning for Kagome to follow them inside.

She stopped her from heading into the changing room with everyone else.

"You look pale," she commented.

Kagome looked away, opting to stare at a stain on the wall.

"I've been sick." She hoped that the lame excuse was enough to ward off any further comments or questions.

"So I've heard," she said; her tone was contemplative, neutral. "This is just the first time that you look the part."

Kagome flinched, staring at the floor.

"Go ahead and head out for the day," she said. "No sense in making you wait around."

Kagome nodded, carrying her bag as she walked towards the front of the school. She quickly opted to head up to the roof, taking the stairs all the way up as the bell rang partway through her ascent.

Throwing the door open, she saw no trace of him there. Not that she was surprised.

Taking a breath, she watched the students pour out the front of the building, clustering in groups and chatting amiably with those around them. Several waved and laughed, and she clutched the front of her shirt.

She felt lonely; it was a feeling that she hadn't felt settle so deep inside her in such a long time.

To be surrounded by people and to still feel so lonely—it was a strange feeling.

It's a special type of loneliness to feel lonely even when surrounded by people you know. Perhaps, it is the worst kind.

When had she grown so distant from them?

Why did it feel like she was falling behind? Why did it feel like they were leaving her behind?

Why did it feel like everyone was leaving her behind?

Kagome heard the sounds of something landing behind her, and she turned towards it, recognizing the feel of youki.

"Why the fuck are you cry—oof!" He snarled out as she nearly tackled him, arms wrapping around his torso as she buried her face into his shoulder. "Kagome," he said, his arms wrapping around her back, pressing her closer. "Why are you crying?"

Her entire body shook as she contained the sob that threatened to break free, and she rallied herself to fight back everything that threatened to make her feel.

"I want to go home," she whispered. "Please."

He sighed a hand coming up to lightly scratch her scalp, soothing her distress some.

"You'll tell me everything then?"

No, she wanted to say.

No, she'd never tell him everything. Some things she would take to her grave rather than see the look on his face when he discovered the truth.

"It was just a rough day, that's it. I swear." She pushed away enough to look up at him.

This time though, he looked away first. He stared at her for only a moment, before he sighed and nodded, leaning down to pick up her bag and slide the strap so it crossed his chest before nearly swinging her up off the ground in his arms.

He never carried her like this before, and now, it seemed to be his preferred method, not that she could complain. It allowed her to hide, to bury her face in his shoulder and block out everything else. For a moment, a minute, she could pretend that everything was okay and nothing was wrong at all.

Strangely enough, she understood him a little bit better. She knew what it was like to not belong. For him, it was the world of youkai and humans. For her, it was this time and his own. Neither felt fully like home anymore, and Kagome was left with one foot firmly planted in both and neither at the same time.

When did her era stop feeling like home?

Inuyasha landed on the small outcropping outside her room, pushing the window open and helping her inside, and dropping her bag beside her desk.

"I'll go let your mother know you're home," he said, turning towards the door. "You're not gonna cry while I'm gone, right?"

"I'm fine, Inuyasha," she said, waving him on out the door as she took a seat at her desk.

Picking up a pencil, she took out a notebook to work, pausing to stare at the photo on her desk.

Maybe if she told her friends here some of what happened then it wouldn't feel like a line had been drawn between them. Maybe it wouldn't feel so distant.

No—no, that was a terrible idea. It would only give them something else to gossip about, and Kagome was already in their focus far more than she liked.

She didn't want to be fodder for someone else's rumors. Besides, they wouldn't understand really, and Kagome didn't think she had the words to make them.

And what if those rumors happened to reach her mother after all this time?

It wasn't worth it. It would only be an illusion anyway, the closeness wrought in times of peril wouldn't last, and that anchor she'd sought out to steady her would only drag her back down once more. Kagome was tired of dragging herself out of emotional turmoils anyway.

She opened her drawer to dig out an eraser as she'd already made a mistake in her distraction, catching sight of a second photograph, one that she'd sneakily taken in one of her trips months ago.

It was all of them, and in one of their rare moments, they were all relaxed and smiling. Her eyes drifted to the hanyou in the corner, leaning against the tree and the staring out over the group. He looked content.

She honestly didn't know what she would've done without him these past few days. He'd taken such good care of her, and he'd—

Her eyes watered as the door opened, and he stepped inside holding a tray in one hand.

"Your mom said you need to—what the fuck? You just said that you wouldn't cry! There has been shit done to make you cry, woman!"

She laughed, shaking her head, as he set the tray down on her desk, wiping her eyes.

She'd had her anchor all along, hadn't she?

She opened her arms, silently asking for a hug, and he knelt down in front of her, obligingly but grumbling under his breath for the entire process.

"I swear, you cry over bullshit, you know?"

She nuzzled her face into his shoulder, holding him close against her.

"I know," she mumbled.

In all the tempests and impossibilities, it was him, wasn't it? He was the one holding her in place, refusing to allow her to be swept away by it all.

And at the end of the day, wherever he was, that was the only place she wanted to be.

"Kagome?"

"Yeah?" She asked, tipping her head up slightly from where she'd buried it against his shoulder, noting that his ears had canted backwards slightly.

"The ramen's getting cold."

"Can't have that, can we?" She pulled away, picking up the cup of ramen off the tray, his arms sliding loosely from her, still maintaining contact. His eyes darted back towards her, taking the cup of ramen from her hands.

She really wasn't that lonely after all, was she?

A/N: Aww, look, they love each other! They're just being super dumb about it!

I have never in my life been so excited that Christmas break is 6 days away. 12 kids were put on suspension today. 12! Days like today make me real glad that I'm not in admin, because whoo boy, did they earn their paychecks today. I mean, it's not even a full moon and they were acting 8 (well, 12 I guess) kinds of crazy today. (And yes, I believe the full moon has an effect on kids behavior. There have been literal conversations where we're like, "Is everyone's kids acting like a shit?" and four of us are googling the moon phase, because it's a thing.)