Chapter 81
Cor nobile, cor immobile
"A noble heart is an immovable heart"

"Some troubles no one else
should have to endure,
especially not those you love."
—Brisingr

It took a couple days before Inuyasha seemed to be getting back to himself. He could walk without assistance, though he still felt like he tired more easily than before.

Miroku and Sango were annoying. He was fine except for the occasional random nosebleed that he didn't realize was happening until he had blood pouring down his face.

They were just there. All the fucking time.

God forbid he tried to sneak off and piss on his own.

The first time he'd went off—and it wasn't like he'd snuck off when no one was looking—like he just got up and walked off to go piss like a normal fucking person, when Miroku comes barreling through the foliage like the fucking inn was on fire.

"Oh, there you are," he said, abruptly before standing there—like it wasn't fucking awkward for one of them to be there, dick in hand, about to piss. "Anyway, I'll just be over here in this general area." He motioned off to the side behind Inuyasha and left.

Why were humans so fucking weird? Why were his friends so fucking weird?

Once done, he'd set out back towards the inn, when Miroku joined him, walking beside him in the trees.

"What're you doing?"

"Nothing, just walking."

The soft jingle of his staff rang through the quiet of the forest, and Inuyasha huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Why are you following me?" Inuyasha asked, eyes darting towards the monk, whom he found watching him with clear and defined purpose.

"Honestly, I'm just making sure that my friend is alright, considering that he's been bedridden for almost a couple of weeks."

"Yeah, well, I'm fine now."

A hard bout of dizziness swam up on him, making his vision double and blur and he staggered into a tree as Miroku grabbed his arm to steady him.

He put a hand to his face and pulled it back when he felt something wet.

Blood smeared across his hand and probably his face, and Miroku quickly wrapped his arm around his neck and started them back off towards the hut.

"Seems we might have overdone a bit today," he said, as Inuyasha felt his legs go like jelly under him and to his dismay, Miroku was the only thing keeping him standing.

He never thought of Sango as annoying, but he was this close to dragging her out back and having a round, because if she hounded him one more time about eating or resting or sleeping or fucking just existing without blood coming out of his face, then he'd gut punch her.

Maybe he'd just gut punch Miroku.

Miroku seemed to take a hint though. Sango just glared and then forced him to do whatever anyway.

And he was always fucking hungry.

He supposed that it was an effect of the poison, and it was taking a longer time for his body to recover, but at the same instant, could it fucking not?

He just wanted to stay with Kagome and help, because while he was improving, she was not.

They'd seemingly reached a stalemate. She wasn't getting better, but she also wasn't getting worse.

Which wasn't making anything better.

He sat beside her, wiping her face, changing the rag dipped in cool water that rested on her forehead.

The fever refused to break or abate, and he was getting really fucking sick of it. Because this wasn't a problem that Inuyasha could solve. This wasn't a problem that he could fight, and throw a punch or eight and fix it. This wasn't something in his normal wheelhouse at all.

He could leave, try to run to Kaede's, but that would take too long, and he refused to think that he might be gone if she—if she left him.

No, she always stayed with him, and so he'd stay with her.

He pressed the back of his fingers to her cheek, scowling as her fever seemed to have returned full force.

Sango was out making sure that the bandages they'd hung out the day before were dry and able to be used. Miroku was trying to find out any new information he could about what had happened to them in hopes that it might help them help her.

Her burns had healed enough that the skin wasn't raw, but the more that he thought about it, the more the notion wormed its way beneath his skull, unrelenting.

The river was cold this time of year.

It would offer her some relief.

His kosode was freshly washed, and she was wearing his haori right now.

He was strong enough now to get them both there and back. He wasn't back at full strength, but he was strong enough. He'd always been just strong enough.

"Kagome," he started, keeping his voice low. "I'm only doing this to help, okay? I'm going to be as gentle as I can."

Using the most amount of care he could manage he lifted her, propping her head on his shoulder and then carefully shifting her a bit so he could slide a hand under her knees before lifting her from the bedding.

She whimpered, settling shortly thereafter.

"I know, but this will help. I know it will."

He kicked the door open, running out towards a part of the river farther from town so no one would see them.

Sango shouted after him, but he didn't stop. He wouldn't be talked out of this. He wouldn't be stopped.

Stopping at the edge of the bank, he took a breath before stepping into the water, wincing at the sharpness of the cold water on his feet.

"You can sit me all you want for this," he told her, stepping deeper into the water, "so long as you wake up and say it." He cleared his throat. "I swear, I'll never pass up a hot springs again."

The water lapped at his knees and then his thighs and he ignored the bite and the chill as he moved the both of them into the water.

The current rippled about them as he lowered her into the water, kneeling down on one knee to submerge her up to her neck. He let her rest, sitting on one leg, as he supported her back, using his free hand to cup water and let it pour gently into her hair.

"I'm not mad, you know," he said, wiping her face with his cool fingers. "Whatever you did, I'm not mad. Not at you."

There was no change in her features, not that he expected there to be—although a small part of him had hoped.

"I'm sure you did whatever you had to. Even though it was probably reckless and dangerous, and—" He could feel the swell in his throat, everything that he'd kept bundled up and tucked down so far and away—the fear and loss and love of everything he'd ever held dear to himself.

She couldn't leave him, not when he still had so much left to say to her.

"We're supposed to have more time, you know. I'm supposed to have time to figure out—figure out how to tell you—how to keep you safe from everyone—I—You can't leave me."

He stared at her face, keeping it just above the water.

"I love you so much, and it'll never be enough, will it? It's not enough, is it?" He brushed more water into her hair. "You tell Shippo all those dumb ass stories where some stupid fucking curse is broken because of true love or some shit. So why isn't it enough now? Why am I never enough?"

Kagome didn't respond, no matter how much he needed her to tell him that he was wrong, and he was enough. That being half and half didn't make him weaker than everyone else—because it did—but Kagome always made him believe that he was worth more than just his blood.

And she'd just be one more notch in a long line of tragedies.

The world had taken everything from him, but he was not going to let it take her.

Not today. Not in a week. If he had his way—he'd never live a day without her ever again.

His hand cupped her face, his fingers long enough to reach back behind her head—so small and fragile.

"You listen to me, Kagome Higurashi," he told her firmly. "You don't get to die on me. Not until I get the balls to tell you how much I love you to your face. And even if—if you do go, I'll fucking find your ass and drag it back here myself, you hear me?" She shivered, and he shifted his grip to stand, hauling them both out of the river.

He kicked his legs a bit before heading back towards the inn.

He fully expected what he got when he returned. Sango had fled the inn after him, returning just after he'd broken through the clearing, walking back to their room.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" She shouted, leaping off Kirara before she'd even touched down to the earth below.

"Fucking helping," Inuyasha snapped.

"Sango, dearest," Miroku said, moving in between them, even though Inuyasha never stopped marching towards the door. "I'm sure that Inuyasha had his reasons. Let's listen before we immediately launch ourselves towards murder."

"You can't just leave!" Sango shouted after him. "Let me go, Miroku! You can't just leave without saying a word!" He stepped into the room. "And don't you dare put her in bed while she's still soaking wet!"

He paused, looking over his shoulder as Sango darted in, grabbing a towel from Kagome's backpack and then ripping his kosode from a stack of fabric.

"Anything I can help with?" Miroku asked from the doorway.

"No, get out!" Sango snapped at him.

"Remember, love, no murdering until after we listen to his side."

"Get out, Miroku!"

The door closed behind him, and Sango shot the full force of her glare towards him.

It might've scared a normal man, but he'd taken on a village full of Sangoes if she tried to keep him away from Kagome again.

"The healer said—" Sango started.

"Yeah, well, the healer hasn't done shit for her in a good fucking while!" He snapped right back at her. "At least I'm fucking doing something! I fucking tried, okay!"

He set her down on the towel as Sango held onto another, drying her feet and legs, working her way up her body.

"You could've just made things worse!"

"We both know that the medicine wasn't enough! And this was the only thing that we hadn't done!"

Inuyasha shifted behind Kagome to help prop her up, tugging at the makeshift belt around her waist, keeping the haori closed from prying eyes. He buried his face into her hair as Sango worked quickly and efficiently.

"You know I would never—"

"I know," she answered for him. "I know, and she knows it too. We all do."

The two of them worked in quiet as Sango reapplied the salve and bandages and then tugged the haori off and replaced it with his kosode.

Once Sango was done, he promptly moved Kagome to the bed, dragging the towel to work the water from her hair.

"You go dry off," Sango ordered, pushing him away. "You're making a mess." She took his spot, and he glowered but took his dripping wet self outside to shake off the remaining excess.

"Ah," Miroku said as he walked out. "Good to see that you've survived with all your appendages."

Inuyasha stepped down from the porch and promptly shook the water off himself.

Miroku made a noise of disgust, shielding his face with his arm.

"You know how much I hate it when you do that when I'm standing right next to you."

"You'd think you'd learn not to stand next to me."

Miroku sighed at his comment, but he opted to not say a word about it as Inuyasha stepped back inside the room. Probably smart.

Sango was tucking a blanket around Kagome.

"You wanna give her another dose of medicine?" He asked, settling in beside her. Her skin wasn't as flushed, and she looked like she was breathing a little easier, so he was taking that it was all a good sign.

He took it as what he did was a help instead of a hurt.

Now, they were back to playing the waiting game.

Over the night, the fever never returned to the force that it has been. In the morning, her skin—though warm—was not as hot to the touch.

"I need to go get more salve today," Sango said after a moment, eying the jar in her hands.

His finger drifted along the edge of her jaw.

"How are you feeling after your bath yesterday?"

"Fine," he answered. "Focus on her," he said after a moment, twirling a piece of damp hair around his finger as a distraction.

"We can focus on more than one thing," Miroku answered. "For instance, I can focus on Sango's orders and the feel of her against my—!"

Sango scrambled for something to throw that wasn't obviously dangerous and settled on Inuyasha's haori, which landed with a wet smack across Miroku's face.

"My love, you never cease to humor me," Miroku said with a grin. "I'll go hang this up to dry outside." He left, sliding the door open as he went.

Sango sighed, head dipping down as she rubbed her face.

"I really don't understand what's wrong with him," she muttered.

"You're the one marrying him," he commented, and she glared at him.

"I'm well aware."

Inuyasha shrugged, resting his chin in the palm of his hand while he continued to rub a strand of hair between his fingers.

"Weren't you going to get more salve?" He asked, and she sighed.

"Yeah, I'll go find the healer and see if she's got any," she pushed herself to her feet.

"Take the monk with you," he mumbled.

"Take me with you where?" Miroku asked as he stepped back inside.

"We need more salve. I was going to go get some."

"Then I will join you," he said. "I assume that you will be fine without us?"

"Shippo is out gathering some herbs," Sango added quickly. "You can send him for us if you need something."

"It'll be fine, Sango," Inuyasha grumbled. "Go."

"I believe Inuyasha is quietly asking for some alone time with Kagome." Miroku ushered Sango out of the room, and Inuyasha didn't even bother denying it, because he did. He just wanted some peace and quiet with Kagome, and he really didn't think that was too much to ask.

Sighing, he turned his gaze back to her face. It all seemed like they were heading in the right direction, but he was just waiting on it to collapse in on him. He knew it was coming.

He never got to keep his loved ones.

"Hey," he told her, as if she would roll her head towards him to listen, but she didn't. She remained as still as ever. "Remember when you promised me that you'd stay with me no matter what?" He brushed the back of his finger along her cheek. "Just wanted to make sure you didn't forget."

He sat with her, listening to the quiet.

Everyone kept saying that fever would change her. That she would never be the same as she once was, and every time they said something along those lines, he wanted to punch something—preferably the person saying it. She'd pull through and be fine, he knew it.

And if she wasn't?

He stared at her face, eyes drifting over the curves and lines of her features.

He'd never deserve her, but he'd spend every waking minute trying to prove himself worthy.

She was breathing normally at least. Her chest rose and fell easily enough, and she didn't seem to be struggling as much as she had been.

He'd done something for her. He'd done something good. He'd helped. He'd been enough.

For once in his life, he'd been enough.

Kagome didn't move or react to him though. He dragged a finger through her hair, watching it move around him.

"I don't care what happened, you know that right?" He whispered. "Don't hide—don't hide yourself away again."

He followed the line of her jaw, the tip of his claw rubbing against the underside of it.

"You can't leave me," he told her again. "You're not allowed."

He sighed, wishing that she'd act like some of those dumb stories that she always told Shippo.

Where the woman would just wake up because someone just fucking loved her enough to risk whatever to find her.

Maybe—his face flushed as the thought of leaning over a very, very unconscious Kagome flashed through his head.

But the thought of having an awake Kagome was even more alluring though.

His ears twitched, trying to hear anyone nearby or anyone coming towards their room.

But it was silent on all fronts, just the normal noises for a village and an inn.

Leaning forward, he shifted his weight to his knees. If it didn't work, then it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't like he would hurt her. He didn't even think he could at this point. He was pretty sure there would be a force that would snap his claws and teeth away if he ever actually tried to physically harm her.

He placed one hand beside her head, slowly pushing himself to lean over her.

It was slow, meticulous almost.

He'd listened to the stories. He'd heard the men who just leaned over a sleeping woman who sounded an awful lot like she was dead. And then he just kissed her, and magic or whatever brought her back. It was simple.

He stared at the sleeping Kagome, so still and vulnerable and quiet, mustering up his own courage to do it. He placed his other hand beside her other shoulder, so he was directly above her face, before slowly—so slowly—lowering himself towards her.

Hesitating just above her, he stared at her face, trying to figure out how to make it work. Was there a special way to kiss her?

Did he have to say something?

Tell her he loved her?

Didn't she already know?

Didn't everyone? Wasn't that why people couldn't keep their hands to themselves when it came to her?

Everyone always had to put their grubby little fingers all over what was his.

He supposed that he could just try and if it didn't work, then try again, right?

His ears turned just catching the sound of someone approaching, and he drew back right as the door was thrown open. The loud crack echoed in the small room, making his ears draw back against his head, and he dove over her, his body acting as a shield for hers.

The healer stood there in the doorway, and he watched her eyes widen at the sight of him.

He was on his hands and knees, hovering over Kagome's prone form, as the healer strode towards him like she fucking belonged there and he didn't.

"Get the fuck out!" He snarled, teeth completely bared at her in warning. "You're not fucking touching her!"

"Your time tormenting the priestess is done!"

She threw something at him, and he quickly ducked towards Kagome, protecting her from whatever it might be. But he knew the moment it touched him what it was.

"You think I don't know why she's not recovering? You might have your little-minded companions fooled—probably even convinced them to trust you—all to just bleed her dry!" She ranted, marching towards him.

The small slip of paper made it feel as though the world itself pressed against his shoulder blades. His arms and legs shook under the weight of it, an all encompassing weight that said it would rather break him to pieces than offer any relief.

His arms slipped to his elbows, and he couldn't muster up enough strength to bark out a scathing retort. Every piece of him was urged into collapse, and every bit of him refused to harm Kagome any more than he already had.

"You animal," she hissed. "You think you belong among humans just because you resemble one?" Her hand grabbed a fistful of hair, dragging his face up to look at her. "You are nothing. A mistake of nature itself." She threw his head back as she released his hair. The jolt only making the weight seem to increase even more. She drew something out of her robe, another ofuda, one that seemed to promise even more pain.

"First you, then the fox, and then the cat," she mused, and he managed little more than a growl.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Miroku bellowed. Inuyasha had never heard the monk angry. Upset? Yes. Irritated? Yes—usually because of something Inuyasha'd done in the first place. But well and truly angry? Not that he could say. And for once, Inuyasha was glad that he wasn't the one that anger was directed at.

Inuyasha thoroughly enjoyed pissing people off; it was a fun hobby to have. Piss 'em off and then leave. But he had to give the monk credit, he was as intimidating as fuck when he wanted to be.

"You waited for us to leave! And for what? So you could do this?"

Sango ripped the paper off his arm and with it, the weight lifted off his shoulders, allowing him to breathe and to move.

"Are you okay?" She asked, hand resting on his shoulder.

"Help the monk," he mumbled, already shifting his arm to help push himself up.

Sango left, and he took a shaky breath as he looked up at the sight before him.

Miroku had his staff pointed at the healer as she backed against the wall.

"Sango, find the rest of the ofuda. I know there's more," Miroku ordered. "Where did you get them? I know you didn't make them."

"You can't take them!" The healer shouted as she scrabbled against Sango's searching hands.

"I will not allow you to use holy weapons against innocent people!"

"You think they're innocent?!" She spat at him.

Cool fingertips pressed lightly against his jaw, and Inuyasha snapped his gaze down to look at Kagome's face as her eyes blearily moved over his face, half-lidded. His hand covered hers, the coolness of her skin a stark contrast against his own.

"'afe," she rasped, her voice so soft a wisp of wind would've drowned it out, and he only heard it because he hovered so close to her. He watched in terror as her eyes fluttered closed again, and he tightened his grip on her fingers, as if that would keep her with him longer.

He didn't want her to go yet.

But her fingers fell slack against his, and he kept them firmly pressed against his skin.

"Inuyasha?" Sango asked, hand on his bare shoulder.

"She woke up," he whispered, staring at her face, just hoping that she'd open her eyes again.

"She what?" Sango breathed.

"Just for a second," he said, still looking, waiting for something to happen, but she was as still as she'd been the entire time. "But she was awake."

Sango might've already removed the ofuda, but he finally felt as though the weight of the world had lifted from his shoulders.

A/N: Happy Thursday!

Thank you guys for all the well wishes on the interviews! Unfortunately, it's looking like I didn't get the job. But that's okay! Because that means that I get to spend the rest of the year with my students, and who told me this week (unprompted) about how much they like me as a teacher and enjoy my class.

I was going to write that I'm going to take my annual two week break for the whole holiday extravaganza that happens, and then I realized that I've been writing this piece for well over a year! So thank you all for sticking with me for all this time and reading my story. Each and every comment means so much to me, and I love you all so much for it.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season, and I will see you in the new year!