Chapter 89
Falsum in uno, falsum in omni
"False in one thing, false in everything"

"Don't you think that any
secret course is an unworthy one?"
—David Copperfield

He'd sat down beside her next to the fire, enjoying the warmth of the flames and of her. She was wrapped in his haori again, and fuck him if he didn't like seeing her in it.

She at least seemed to believe that he hadn't abandoned her. Not like he ever could. He'd sworn to follow her wherever she went, and he'd do so to the end of his abilities.

"So," she said, "what's the plan?"

"The plan is you do fuck all for the rest of the day," he told her, arms crossed in front of his chest.

It was a good, solid plan that would keep her in the safety of the room, and where he could watch and take care of her.

It still felt like they were bordering on a fight, and he didn't know how to fix it.

Part of him wanted to make her apologize for putting up those fucking walls again.

And the other part wanted to whine and beg for forgiveness and touches.

He didn't want to say the wrong thing. He didn't want to do the wrong thing, but every little motion or movement or word felt like a weapon against her, and he didn't like it at all.

It felt like despite everything, there was still a wall separating them, even though she was a only a few inches from being in his lap.

It felt a lot like running toward a mountain, only no matter how far he ran, the mountain never grew any closer. It was always there, and he could see it, but never reach the foothills of it.

He'd never had to mend anything like this before.

Kagome made it look so easy to just walk up and pretend that everything was fine and okay, and just move past it.

She just said 'sorry' and then acted like nothing was wrong.

But he didn't feel like he'd done anything wrong though. He'd just needed space. He hadn't disappeared or run away, despite what everyone else seemed to expect of him—he glared across the fire at the monk, who motioned to himself with a wide gesture as if asking what he did wrong.

Something.

Probably.

Knowing Miroku, he'd probably fucked up at least once this morning.

She still wasn't leaning against his leg, and he'd never felt that division between them more keenly.

So if he didn't do anything wrong, what did he say?

Did he say anything at all, because if it fixed this, then he'd say almost anything.

Should he say anything at all?

He didn't do anything wrong, and she hadn't done anything wrong either.

He understood why she didn't want to say anything. Kikyo was a—touchy subject at the best of times.

He didn't want to think that Kikyo was capable of such—such—cruelty, but he couldn't deny it.

Kikyo had tried to poison him—well, she hadn't tried, she'd done it and done it well, and she'd blatantly attacked Kagome, probably trying to kill her too.

Kikyo was no longer the Kikyo that he'd known and cared for, and while he still believed that she was deep down still close to the person that she'd been once. He couldn't stand behind her this time; he couldn't defend her actions.

A knock came at the door, and Miroku rose to answer it.

"Inuyasha brings up a good point though," Sango said, as a few women came in and set down trays.

Inuyasha dragged his over with a claw, and Kagome set hers in her lap.

She looked like she was moving better, but that ankle still had him bothered.

Kagome picked at her food, and he watched her intently, mentally calculating what she ate and if it would be enough—even though he already knew that it wouldn't be.

She hadn't been eating enough to regain her strength fully, and it bothered him immensely, but he didn't know if he was allowed to say anything to her about it anymore.

How was this going to work?

How was he supposed to take care of her?

Inuyasha watched her eat, wincing at his own line of thinking.

"As I was saying, Inuyasha brings up a good point. It's important for you to rest and heal. Especially since we will have to leave soon, I'm sure."

"And I need to be stronger," she sighed.

"Just so you don't become ill while traveling," Miroku added.

Kirara chirped, wandering over to Kagome, large red eyes staring at her small piece of fish as her pupils steadily enlarged.

"Beg the runt for food, cat," Inuyasha said, and Kirara shifted her glare to him, tails flicking out behind her. She growled out a mewling sound with her ears flattened back against her head.

"It's okay, Kirara," Kagome said, tearing off a small piece of her fish and holding it out to the cat. He crinkled his nose as the cat's ears swiveled forwards and she grabbed the bite of fish and darted off behind Sango to eat it.

Kagome smiled as she continued to eat, and Inuyasha resolved that he was going to have to make sure that he ate after her so he could fend off little cats and kitsunes who liked to steal food from people who actually fucking needed it.

"I'll make sure that you keep warm with my foxfire!" Shippo said eagerly, tail wagging behind him as he held his chopsticks in the air.

"The fuck you will," Inuyasha grumbled, eyes narrowing at the thought of his fire being so close to Kagome and getting burned.

"Hey! I've been practicing!" Shippo retorted, rising up to his feet. "I dried the laundry all by myself and I didn't burn anything!"

"Good job, Shippo. I'm sure that was really helpful for everyone," Kagome said, reaching over to ruffle his hair. Shippo's tail flicked back and forth as he grinned, clearly pleased with himself and Kagome's praise. The little shit shifted his gaze towards him as a sly smile spread across his face, and Inuyasha bit back the retort, because that little fucker was gloating that he was getting Kagome's praise and attention and Inuyasha was not.

Fucker.

Inuyasha helped her sit propped up against the wall, shoving a couple blankets behind her back to help support her, and another one under her ankle to keep it propped up for a bit longer.

Sango had muttered that she'd wanted to air those blankets out, but fuck her.

They were better off where they were.

Even though that's where he'd rather be.

Kagome watched him as he worked, and he fought down the warmth that was spreading across his face as she stared at him.

He just wanted to get back into her good graces, that's all.

Making her comfortable would probably help that.

Her hand reached out, grabbing his sleeve, and he looked up at her, still wrapped in his haori—it was getting cooler outside, and that would keep her warm—as she smiled at him.

"Thanks, Inuyasha," she whispered, and he nodded as he tentatively rested a hand across the thigh of her uninjured leg.

It was warm under his palm; his fingers wrapping around her calf, and he was suddenly glad that they'd left those stupid privacy screens up, because he felt himself leaning towards her as her hand slid into his, her small fingers barely able to wrap around his.

She was so small and delicate, and he wanted nothing more than to stretch his body across hers, warming her and shielding her with his own.

He couldn't do much for her, but he could do that.

He'd put himself between her and Kikyo's arrow any day. He'd already taken one to the chest. What was one more—what was one more in place of her?

The wooden screens rattled, and light streamed in as Sango and Miroku pulled them away.

"What the fuck are you two doing?"

"Just," Miroku said with a small grunt as he moved the screen, "allowing our fair lady Kagome to have a bit more light to see by."

Fucker.

He knew what he was doing.

"She might want to do homework, and she won't be able to use the natural light or the fire like this."

"Besides, everyone seems reconciled."

It wasn't that.

Inuyasha had questions, and he didn't need ears listening in. At least Kirara didn't talk shit when she eavesdropped.

Inuyasha glared at the monk and slayer as they carried the privacy screens to the other side other room.

Sure, it fucking brightened everything up and made the room seem bigger, but fuck them and their snooping.

Did it ever occur to them that all their meddling had made some things worse? No, of course not. He was just a fucking half-breed that lived in the woods all his life because no one wanted to fucking see him. What would he know about the 'intricacies of human interaction' or whatever fuck-all Miroku had called it.

A sneer passed over his face as he turned back towards Kagome. He just wanted a bit of alone time with her now that she was awake to ask some questions without getting four other nosy people involved.

He shifted over to sit next to the wall next to her. He didn't want anyone else to get the idea that she was open for—for—for sitting next to things.

That was his job.

It was his one job.

Kagome cleared her throat, fingers playing with each other for a moment, and he watched her intently waiting to see if there was any signs of picking happening, but she didn't.

"Kagome," Miroku said, moving to sit across from her. His voice made something in him twitch. Like this was going to be bad news and he knew that it wouldn't end well. "There's still some questions that we have."

He visibly watched her swallow as Sango sat down next to Miroku.

She was still nervous? About what?

The sutra that Inuyasha had burned his hand getting off the tree appeared in Miroku's palm.

"Do you know anything about these?" He asked.

Kagome stared at the ofuda, and Inuyasha stared at her fingers, waiting for the moment that she would start picking, because he knew that she would. She was nervous, and Kagome picked at her nails when she was nervous. The soft beat of her pulse under the skin of her neck picked up speed, thumping quick and wild, and if he didn't know better, Inuyasha would liken her to a rabbit backed into a corner with no way out.

"I—uh—I've," she swallowed again, eyes darting around the group, "seen something like it before."

"Where at?" Sango asked.

Clearly these two fuckers have talked—and without him.

He didn't like it. Mostly because he didn't know what was about to spout out of their mouths.

Inuyasha was good at strategizing in a fight and making knee jerk responses to everything, but conversations were struggles.

"In the clearing?" She swallowed, eyes darting to him. "After Kikyo left, I saw them on some of the trees."

Inuyasha met Miroku's look.

But this only brought up more questions.

It seemed to be a pattern these days.

"Inuyasha found this one in the clearing. When he took it off, the tree turned into a youkai."

"Some dumb ass spider," he muttered, eyes drifting back to Kagome, who was not calming down at all.

Why was she panicking?

It wasn't like they thought that she'd done anything wrong.

It wasn't like she was the one who put them up.

Obviously.

She could barely walk now, and she definitely couldn't walk then.

"Can you tell us what happened after Kikyo left?"

Kagome looked around the group, and her eyes flitted to him.

He hesitated, but reached out, placing a hand on her wrist where her fingers wrung over themselves.

Jolting at his touch, he half-expected her to shy away from him, but instead, she grabbed firmly onto his hands, nearly clinging to him.

"Well—I—uh—it was dark when she left," Kagome started, fingers twitching under his fingers, and he let her hold and play with whatever part of him she needed to. "But I—I heard something later that night."

She looked to him as if he was going to be able to corroborate her story, but he knew literally fuck all about what had happened.

"There was a bug—a mantis, I think—and it tried to attack me."

"Weren't you inside the barrier too?" Inuyasha asked.

"I—I thought it was someone coming to help, and I'd left it," she stared at her lap, "and when I realized it wasn't, it was too late for me to go back."

"So what did you do?" Sango asked, pressing her, and Kagome took a shuttered breath.

"I got a barrier up just as it reached me, and it just—I don't know—attacked the barrier until it purified enough of itself to die."

They all exchanged a look, because that was definitely not fucking normal at all.

A normal youkai would've hit the barrier and backed away, especially if it was purifying itself when it struck. A regular old insect would've been pissed as hell, but it would've shuffled off after a bit to look for food elsewhere. Continuing to attack would've been suicidal.

"And then what?" Sango asked, leaning forward from where she sat, hands clenched into her skirt.

Kagome's hand gripped his tightly, almost like she was afraid that he'd get up and leave. His ears flattened back at Miroku's comment about her being upset after he'd left, and he both regretted leaving and didn't.

He'd just needed time to think.

It wasn't like he was abandoning them, because surely she didn't—

His eyes widened as he stared at her.

She did think that, didn't she?

She thought that he was leaving to go off on some stupid shit?

The fact that she would even consider that he was capable of something like that, it galled and offended him deeply.

Did she really have so little trust in him? So little faith?

Everything he knew in this world, everything that he had faith in, all of it seemed to hinge on her, and she didn't trust him to stay?

She didn't trust him to be here for her.

After everything—after all this—she still had so little faith in him.

What did he have to do to prove how much she mattered to him?

He expected such an attitude from the monk and the slayer, but he didn't think that Kagome would have so little confidence in him.

He thought—he thought that she knew. He thought that she understood.

"I think I passed out. When I woke up, it was morning. I tried to get out of the barrier, but—" she wrinkled her nose, "everything was just so hard."

"What do you mean?" Sango asked.

"It was just—just hard. I couldn't move or walk, and the edge of the barrier was so far away. I remember looking for a way to bring down the barrier, and then it was nighttime—I guess I fell asleep again?" She stared at something that wasn't there, clearly thinking about something. "Inuyasha," she started, before glancing up at him, "you were getting worse and worse, and I was scared, because I couldn't do anything to help, and—" She shook her head, clearing her throat.

"And what?"

"Doesn't matter, but that was when the snake showed up."

"The snake?"

Kagome nodded, almost seeming nonchalant about it all, but the fingers wrapped around his hand tightened, and the fingers of her other hand gently caressed his knuckles.

He squeezed her hand gently, a reminder that he was here, that he would come back—he would always come back. If there was nothing else, it would be for her. Always for her.

"A snake showed up. It looked like it came from a tree—"

"Like it came down from a tree?" Miroku asked, and Kagome shook her head.

"No, like it—I don't know—like it transformed? I thought that I'd just imagined it."

She'd been trapped in that clearing—injured—poisoned by that point probably—and now had to deal with a snake? His gut churned, and he fought the desperate urge to drag her into his lap and wrap himself around her as his own protective barrier to the world outside that seemed so intent on destroying what little happiness he'd managed to accrue for himself.

"What happened to the snake?" Sango asked her, and Kagome seemed to shrink back against him a bit.

Inuyasha looked down at her, waiting for her answer.

"I purified it," she answered quietly. "It was going to try and eat me, and I purified it."

How many times did she almost die?

How many times did he almost wake up to a world where Kagome wasn't here?

Her eyes watered, and she squeezed his hand.

"Kagome?" Miroku asked, and she shook her head. Shippo crawled into Miroku's lap, seeking comfort.

"You did the right thing, Kagome. The snake was going to hurt you, and—" Sango started.

"It's not that!" Kagome shouted. "It's not that at all!" At this, she let go of his hand, her fingers uncurling from around his, and the lack of touching was short lived, because she wrapped her arm around his, pressing her face into his shoulder.

"Then what happened?" Miroku asked her, hand lightly resting on Shippo's back as he curled up in the depression of his robes.

Kagome sniffled, eyes clenched shut as she took several deep breaths.

"I thought you'd died," she whispered. "Because I didn't—I couldn't do anything to save you."

He didn't know what to say to that, because he knew exactly what it felt like. The desperation—the fear—were tangible things. That notion that she'd slip away, that he'd been unable to protect her, keep her safe and out of harm's way, still dug at him. Each one a narrow little claw seeking purchase across his flesh, digging into him and weighing him down.

The weight of his regret could drown him in a puddle of water.

Her limp, the bandage on her shoulder, the lingering weakness, every single one of them weights.

"How did you break the barrier?" Miroku asked, urgent even though his voice was quiet.

Kagome's hands trembled where she clutched onto his sleeve and arm.

There was nothing that he could do for her like this, and he gently tugged his arm free. The moment any pressure against her grip was made, she nearly recoiled from him, eyes wide and afraid, and he could already hear the apology forming in her throat.

It was a moment of hesitation on his part, because this—he shouldn't feel this way. He shouldn't feel like he was intruding on her life, but he did.

But that look on her face—the weights didn't grow, but they felt heavier. They felt like they held him in place in a torrent of water, pummeling him to death through a force that he couldn't fight and couldn't stop.

He slid his arm around her shoulders, turning just enough that he could pull her into his side, and wrap his arm around her. He wanted more, but this felt like an invasion. This felt like he was assuming, and even though she didn't say a word to the otherwise, it still didn't feel normal.

But if Kagome needed him, he wasn't going to deny her because shit was weird between them now.

Kagome, however, had no qualms about crawling into his lap and curling up like a damn gimpy cat. He felt his cheeks heat as Kagome settled into her place, and he slowly wrapped his arms back around her as she—wriggled and while he'd have zero issues—well, fewer issues if they were alone—there were some places of maleness that were enjoying it a little too much.

She twisted towards him, grabbing at his arms, tugging them towards her, and he figured out what she wanted after a second or two.

It was the same thing he wanted—to wrap his arms around her and press her close to him.

So that's exactly what he did. Tightening his grip, he dragged his sleeve over her lap and pressed his other arm around her back supporting her.

"Kagome?" Sango asked her after a beat, and he felt her take a deep breath, fingers tightening in their grip of his sleeve.

She dragged him closer to her, face pressed against his chest.

"You can take all the time that you need to," Miroku reminded her, one hand resting on Shippo's back.

"It was hidden in the ground. It was weird too. I thought that there had been a tree there, but it disappeared."

"Probably another concealment ofuda," Miroku said, glancing between the two of them. "It would make sense. What happened next?"

"You reached into the hole and pulled it out," Inuyasha stated, looking down at Kagome, who flinched at his statement. "Didn't you?"

"Yeah," Kagome whispered.

"And it exploded."

She nodded, and he heard Sango and Miroku's sharp intake of breath, and he only glanced up momentarily to meet their gaze.

"You idiot!" He snarled. "You could've died!"

"It was the only way to bring the barrier down!"

"You could've died!" He shouted back at her. Did she think of herself as fucking cannon fodder?

"You were dying! What was I supposed to do?"

"Save yourself!" He snarled, grabbing onto her tightly as she pushed away from him. "You always fucking save yourself first!"

"I would've been able to climb out, but no one could get back in! You would've died! I had to!"

Her hands gripped his shirt, shaking him so slightly to emphasize her point. She was crying—over him—again, and it always seemed to be that way.

He always made her cry—either through words or actions, he always made her wind up in tears.

Everything he did was wrong. Everything he did was bad, wrong, hurtful.

She sobbed, once and choked on it, body convulsing as he drew her in close, letting the hot air of her breath rush through his clothes and across his skin.

"You would've died," she whimpered as he brought a hand up, cradling the back of her head.

"You're still an idiot," he muttered, as she wrapped her arms around him.

"The barrier triggered the explosion?" Sango asked, seeking clarification because her human brain clearly couldn't keep up.

"No fucking shit," Inuyasha drawled.

"But why would it be booby-trapped?"

Because Kikyo wanted her—maybe even them—dead.

No, just Kagome. She'd poisoned him, but she'd had an antidote, so she hadn't wanted him dead just yet.

"Why does Kikyo want you dead?" He asked.

"I don't know," she mumbled, clutching onto him tighter.

"But you said," Sango started.

"I don't know why!" Kagome shouted, even though her voice was muffled by her face being firmly planted into his chest.

"Did she say anything else that may give us a hint?"

"I told you everything!" She shouted, her entire body trembling.

"We're done," Inuyasha stated, his voice firm as he shifted slightly so that he was curled around her a bit more.

"No, we're not," Miroku pressed, and he felt a low growl vibrate in his chest, teeth bared as he glared at the monk.

"You're done," he growled lowly.

"No, we have to know this! Kikyo almost succeeded in killing both of you! We need to know more! You don't get to gatekeep this information because it makes you uncomfortable!"

At that, Inuyasha snarled, because how fucking dare he?

"That's not fucking why! Get your fucking head out of your fucking ass and fucking look at her for two fucking seconds!"

Inuyasha had his arms around her, being mindful of her injury across her shoulder blade, as he pressed her close.

Kagome's legs had curled up tighter in his tirade.

Miroku's glare softened, and he let out a long sigh as he rubbed a hand across his face. He met Inuyasha's gaze for a beat before looking at Kagome, and then a quick glance to Sango, before his shoulders dropped entirely.

"I apologize. I am only insisting because I am concerned about what Kikyo wants and what she is willing to do to get it." He paused for a moment. "I can only imagine what her next attempt will look like."

Kagome shuddered against him, and he leaned his cheek against the crown of her head. He looked for the blanket that she'd had earlier, but he couldn't find any sign of it at all.

"Can you tell us anything that might help us understand why Kikyo suddenly wants to hurt you?" Sango asked, as Kirara rubbed against her knee with a soft purr, and Sango scooped her up into her lap.

"You mentioned that Kikyo said that you stole something from her?"

"She keeps saying that I took something, but I didn't. I swear, I don't know what she's talking about."

"What do you mean 'she keeps saying'?" Miroku asked, leaning forward slightly.

"The last time, she—" Kagome's mouth shut so quickly the clack of her teeth was audible, and her entire body stiffened and froze.

A/N: Happy Thursday!

I feel in some ways like the next few chapters are rehashing old information, but I'm trying to get them where it's not repeating information, but we're also getting the reactions of the characters when they find out about it. I hope that these next few aren't boring and that you all enjoy them, especially since you have to wait so long between them.

So bad news: I'm going to have to extend the bi-weekly posting through at least the end of May. I'm waiting to hear back on what tests they want me to run now, because no one knows what's wrong at this point. There's a lean towards the digestive tract, but who knows at this point?

At any rate, let me know what you think and I'll see you April 6th!