Chapter 93
Est modus in rebus
"There is measure in things"

"To understand is to forgive."
—For Whom the Bell Tolls

Miroku sighed as he came back inside the room.

"We spoke with the headman," Miroku said once both he and Sango had taken a seat. "And we have good news and bad news."

Behind her, Inuyasha growled.

A cool gust of wind had blown through the porch, and she'd shivered at the temperature drop. The moment she did, Inuyasha had packed her up and carried her inside to work on her 'stupid school stuff'. Well, he didn't say 'stuff' but close enough. He'd set her down close to the fire before, hauling her bag next to her. Before she could say a word, he sat down right behind her, sliding his foot under her bum ankle, clearly intending for her to use him as a prop.

Miroku and Sango had gone to talk to the headman—after hanging up all the bedding to air out—to explain everything that they'd 'discovered' about the attacks.

"What did you fuck up this time?"

"Inuyasha!" She turned to look at him, frowning. Why was he being so aggressive?

Miroku huffed in irritation across the fire, and Inuyasha would only glance downward at her before directing his glower back across the fire at the monk.

"Our job here is done and according to the agreement, we will need to leave the village—uh—rather soon."

"How soon?" Kagome asked as Inuyasha's arms wrapped around her.

"Tomorrow morning."

Inuyasha's arms slid around her, tugging her tightly against him. His face was right beside her own as he snarled.

"Are they fucking mad?! What so the job's done and they don't give a fuck anymore?!"

Kagome could feel how his anger was making his youki spiral, and she covered his hand with her own, reaching up with the other to touch the side of his face. Leaning into her touch, she saw the lines of his face lessen and his youki subsided ever so slightly. His other hand grabbed hers, holding onto it tightly.

"They've taken good care of us when they didn't have to," Sango said, her voice even and firm.

"I'd feel better at Kaede's anyway, and it's only going to get colder."

Inuyasha met her gaze for just a moment before dropping his head to her shoulder, nose buried into her collar bone. The sudden shift made her freeze, but her hand found his ear, giving it a light rub.

"It'll be okay," she told him, continuing to gently rub the ear.

Sango watched the entire spectacle with an eyebrow raised, and Miroku wore a grin that threatened the crack his face in half.

Kagome gave him a look that clearly said 'don't' with a threat.

"The good news is that we can use the bathhouse one last time before we leave," Sango said, reaching over and pinching a wad of Miroku's arm under her fingers.

Yelping loudly, he jerked his arm away, rubbing the abused spot.

"I didn't do anything!"

"You were about to."

"You can't punish me for something I might do!"

"Watch me," Sango warned. "Anyway, we'll want to make a plan for how to prevent Kikyo or Naraku or whomever is after us from attacking us out in the open. But that's a later conversation."

"We have already been paid handsomely for our services. We may be able to secure a room at another inn for tomorrow night."

"Why can't we pay for another night here?" Inuyasha asked, head popping up from her shoulder.

"They were very clear that they would like us out of their village. I suspect there have been some dissenting voices at our prolonged stay."

"You mean that bitch of a healer has been saying shit."

"I wouldn't be surprised if it was," Sango tacked on. "But it doesn't matter, the headman agreed to give us another night, and he's paid us. We have no reason to stay."

"Except that Kagome's still healing."

"Yes, obviously, but to the village, that is not their concern. It is one of the many perils of our job."

Miroku's eyes shifted to Kagome's as if seeking help to placate the surly hanyou that had firmly attached himself to her.

"It'll be okay," she whispered to him as she ran her fingers through his forelock.

Inuyasha huffed, snorting through his nose before lowering his head to bury it back into her shoulder.

She looked to Miroku and gestured vaguely to the hanyou curled around her. This was the best that she had, and it was all she had to offer currently.

"Well, at least you'll have some relief tonight, Inuyasha."

Kagome stared at Miroku for a moment. What did he mean by that? Her eyes drifted to Sango, seeking answers.

"What's happening tonight?"

Both Miroku and Sango blinked twice before turning to look at each other with equally surprised looks on their faces.

"It's Inuyasha's human night," Sango said softly.

Kagome's face dropped.

How could she have forgotten?

Inuyasha's human night!

"Why didn't you say something?" She asked Inuyasha, who looked up for just a moment to glare at her before ducking his head back down. "Hey, were you just going to stay quiet about this? Is this what you were worried about?"

"No," he scoffed into her shoulder. "Of course not, you idiot! I've been human before!"

Rolling her eyes at him, she tugged at his bangs, trying to draw his face up to look at her.

"Then why didn't you say anything?"

"You're more—it's not a big deal alright? Just drop it." His face dropped back to her shoulder. "Work on your stupid school shit."

Kagome sighed again, looking to Sango and Miroku for some sort of help.

But they had nothing to offer.

Inuyasha was curled around her, arms wrapped around her middle loose enough that there was barely any pressure to what little burns remained on her skin, but firm enough that she knew it was very purposeful.

This was all very strange behavior for him. Being held like this didn't bother her, but he was doing all this in front of everyone else.

"Inuyasha, are you alright?" He tensed at her question, now a wall of rigid stone behind her as his arms tightened around her waist.

"Maybe we should—" Sango started.

"You're absolutely right, we absolutely should," Miroku said, jumping to his feet and holding his hands out to Sango. She took them, and he briskly walked all of them out of the room—grabbing Shippo by the vest on the way out—shutting the door behind him.

"Inuyasha," she kept her voice quiet and soft, reaching a hand up to his ear.

He slumped as his face shifted to bury his nose into her neck, letting out a low and soft whine as he did.

Her fingers worked over the appendage, lightly scratching at the base, and tightened his grip on her.

"What's wrong?" She asked him, and he sighed, hot breath spreading along her back and shoulder.

"Nothing," he mumbled. Turning her head to look at him, she leaned away slightly to see his face.

His ears tucked down into his hair, and he tightened his grip on her, dragging her back to where she'd been and burying his face back into her.

"Something's wrong," she told him as her other hand tried to slip in between where his hands clasped at his own wrists.

"It's fine."

She knew that he was lying to her.

"Is it because you're turning human tonight?" He huffed into her skin, and she fought the shiver that rolled down her spine at the feel of his humid breath on her skin. "Or is because we have to leave tomorrow?" He tightened his arms around her with another small whine, and she figured that had to be it.

Sighing, she reached up, continuing to rub the one ear within her reach. She leaned her head against his as her other hand held onto his wrist.

"I'm a little scared too," she whispered, voice trembling. "I'm a lot scared, to be honest." She swallowed thickly. "Being out there, in the dark, alone," she took a deep breath to settle her nerves.

Inuyasha's eyes popped open, raising his head to glare at her.

"You're not leaving my sight."

There was a question on the tip of her tongue, and she wanted to ask it. She wanted to ask him, and she didn't, because she was honestly afraid of the answer.

One hand pulled away from her waist, reaching up to hold the hand that had been rubbing his ear.

"You're not going anywhere with anyone, not without me."

"And if Kikyo calls?"

The question came out in a sound that just barely reached her hearing. It was mumbled and a breath of air to any one else with human hearing.

But the resonance sent the room into complete silence.

His eyes narrowed, and she took a deep breath as his fingers wrapped in between hers. It was a quiet moment, as his fingers slipped between the valley of hers, resting against her palm with the tips of his claws just barely touching her skin.

Always so careful.

He brought it down to wrap around her as his other hand left, sliding through her hair as he brought her closer, pulling her so that he could bury his nose into her scalp. He shifted after a moment, making a small sound before pulling away.

"Then she can come to us," he whispered into her ear. Kagome's heart sputtered a bit as he nosed the side of her head before dropping his head back to her shoulder. After a beat, Inuyasha tugged her backpack closer to them, pulling out her textbook and notebook with one hand and setting them in her lap. His arms slipped back around her, and his face dipped back down into the juncture of her neck and shoulder.

What was with him?

Not that she minded, but he'd never been this openly touchy before.

"Work on your school stuff," he said.

How was she supposed to learn about geography when she could literally feel every breath he took?

Math certainly wasn't happening today either, not with the way that he was almost snuffling into her neck.

There were some very pointed breaths.

Not that she didn't like the attention, but she also wanted to make sure that it meant what she wanted it to mean.

She wanted nothing more than for him to love her like he loved Kikyo. And he'd said that he'd rather have her, but that wasn't quite the same.

He wanted her alive, not dead. He didn't want her to die so that Kikyo could have all of her soul.

It didn't mean that he loved her. Not like she loved him at least.

You know what? Maybe math wasn't so complicated in comparison.

Inuyasha sat with her all the way through Miroku and Sango's return to the room. She'd gotten a bit of homework done, even through all the distractions that Inuyasha had provided.

There'd been a moment where his fingers had scratched at her stomach every so lightly—just very soft caresses through the fabric. But each one was like a shock to her system. His claws left tingling shivers in their wake.

She'd locked every muscle she had, because each pass of his claws against her skin made her internal organs fizzle.

But then he'd stopped after a moment, readjusting himself so that the bridge of his nose pressed almost flat against her neck.

And every time that he moved, her brain turned to white static before spinning the dial and she was left trying to find the right radio station with coherent thought again.

But when the door opened, his head shot up as they both watched everyone gather back into the small room.

"Did you get much done, Kagome?" Sango asked, taking her seat across the fire.

"Not as much as I thought I would." Though Kagome wouldn't say exactly why.

"Do you need to take a break? It would be a good time to go to the bath."

"Sure, I could use a brain break," she said, feeling Inuyasha's arms tighten slightly around her, but letting her slide out of his hold completely.

He helped her stand, and he was almost immediately on his feet as she pulled away from him.

His hands on her hips steadied her as Sango grabbed the tote and a couple towels.

"You ready?" Sango asked.

"Sure," Kagome chirped, starting towards the door, only to pause when she realized that Inuyasha was following her.

"Inuyasha?" She asked him, turning her head to look at him.

"What?" He asked, arms crossed in front of him.

"Are you going to bathe with us?" Sango asked, and Kagome watched as his skin bloomed bright red.

"No!" He practically shouted, and then visibly grimaced. "I'm just—making sure you get there."

"I'm going with her, and we're walking through the inn," Sango said, tugging Kagome towards the door. Inuyasha followed a step behind them. "You think I'm not able to protect Kagome on my own?"

Inuyasha scoffed quietly as he walked behind them.

Kagome reached behind her, tentatively holding her hand out to him just behind her back. His fingers quickly curled around hers, squeezing them lightly as he walked just behind her, gently tugging her back to walk beside him.

She smiled up at him as Sango led the way to the bath house.

He walked in silence, a firm grip on her hand as she limped along beside him. He didn't complain about the pace, instead opting to walk along beside her in quiet.

"Alright," Sango said, stopping in front of a door. She opened it, looking to Inuyasha, who let go of Kagome's hand.

"I'll be right outside," he said quietly and strictly to her. "Call if you need me."

He squeezed her fingers lightly, and Kagome took a deep breath as she pulled away, turning back towards Sango, who shut the door behind them.

"He acts like I'm completely incapable of protecting you," Sango mumbled, untying her hair, and running her hand through it.

"I can hear you, you know!" Inuyasha shouted through the door.

"Go sit—" A muffled noise came through the door, "down somewhere. We'll come out when we're ready!" Sango huffed. "He acts like I haven't fought youkai for my entire life."

Kagome sighed.

"He's just worried that something will happen."

"We all are!" Sango set the tote on the ground as the turned to test the water in the tubs, deciding to set a couple of pots of water on the fire to warm. "But he doesn't have to act like we're incapable of doing anything to protect anyone."

"I'm sure that he doesn't mean anything by it," Kagome soothed. "This is really—upsetting for everyone."

Kagome started undressing, pulling Inuyasha's haori off. She'd forgotten she was wearing it entirely, but the fact that he hadn't said anything to her or wanted it back made her smile just a bit.

She folded it gently, letting it lay over a small bench that was set up.

"We're the only ones in here," Sango told her, already untying her skirt. "But I told them not to fill up your bath as high. I don't want those stitches to get too wet." Sango slid off her shirt and began peeling off her slayer suit.

Kagome stripped and slid into the warmed bath water.

The tub wasn't large, and she couldn't spread out her legs all the way, but the warm water ran up to her mid-back, and the heat beat back the chill in the air.

Sango climbed into her own tub a few moments later, letting out a relieved sigh as she lowered into the warm water.

"I put more water on the fire to warm, so let me know if yours starts to get cold."

There was a long, lingering quiet as both women soaked in their respective tubs. After a moment, Sango helped Kagome wash her hair and rinse, allowing her to wash herself as Sango began washing her own hair.

"You—" Sango started, fumbling with her words, "you didn't say anything," Sango said almost to herself. Kagome looked at her, waiting for her to continue. Sango's fingers danced along the top of the water. "I asked if you knew who hurt you, and you said you didn't remember."

Kagome winced, flinching at the memory.

"You never said anything about her trying to hurt you before, either." Sango stared at the door, before turning her gaze to the water. Kagome watched her glare at the surface, before angrily swiping her hand across the surface, sending a spray of water across the floor. A portion sizzled on the flames of the fire. "I have told you everything."

"Sango," Kagome whispered, feeling the surge of guilt. Her eyes watered; she'd kept so many secrets from everyone.

"I have told you everything. My brother, my village, Miroku," she hissed, "you know every single secret I've ever had. And half of what I've told you is such stupid—" She cleared her throat. "You couldn't tell me when someone tried to kill you?"

"That wasn't why—"

"Then why?!" Sango shouted, and Kagome flinched. "Why don't you trust me?"

"I do!"

"Not with something important!"

"That's not true!" Kagome shook her head at the insinuation, tears running down her face, and the guilt felt like every piece of her was being dragged down into the slowly cooling water.

"Then why didn't you trust me?!"

Kagome wrapped her arms around herself.

"I was afraid," she whispered.

"Of what?" Sango sniped. "What did you think we were going to do?"

"I—" Her mouth opened, but there was nothing that came out of it.

"You still don't trust us?"

Kagome shook her head.

"No, no! That's not it!" Kagome shifted in bath, trying to grab at the side to face Sango, but suddenly tugging at her own stitches, which sent a hard sharp pain through her shoulder.

A knock came at the door.

"We're fine, Inuyasha!" Kagome shouted at the door. She knew that he was probably listening, and she could already imagine him being angry at them for taking so long.

Sango stood, grabbing the pot of hot water, and dumping it into her bath before grabbing the other pot and slowly trickling it into Kagome's bath water.

"Sango," she said quietly. "It's not that I don't trust you, I do."

"Not with things that matter," she snapped back. "You know that I would do anything to keep you safe. All of us would do anything to make sure that you're safe."

"I know that!"

"Do you?" Sango waved her hand in an arc. "Because it looks like you haven't trusted any of us ever."

"Sango, please," Kagome whispered, glancing at the door. "It's not like that."

"Then what is it like?"

Sango was all venom and hurt, and Kagome tried to find the words that would explain to Sango why she couldn't tell her.

She took a breath, trying to calm herself and find the right words to say to her friend. She'd never wanted to hurt her. She'd never wanted to hurt any of them, and it seemed as though she'd only done the opposite.

She'd only hurt the people she was trying to protect—again.

"Kikyo is so important to Inuyasha, and Kaede—I couldn't hurt them."

"So you'd let her hurt you instead?"

"I didn't think that she'd go that far," Kagome whispered. "I thought she was just after the shards."

"Why didn't you say something after she cursed you?"

"I didn't know that I was cursed! And she didn't hurt me that badly."

"Kagome, she literally tried to kill you the first time."

"I felt guilty!" She shouted back. "Everything that's happened to her has been my fault. I took my soul back from her, and left her with just a fraction of who she was. And you know how much Kaede looks up to Kikyo," Kagome said, leaning back to flick some water with her fingers. "How was I supposed to tell her that her sister was—was—was evil? How could I ruin that image of her? And Inuyasha—" She looked to the door where she knew that Inuyasha stood waiting for them to finish.

Looking back to Sango, she saw that the slayer had followed her gaze as well.

"I thought it was better since she was only trying to hurt me. She wasn't going after anyone else. And you know how he feels."

"So you let her get away with almost murder because you were afraid it would hurt Inuyasha's feelings?"

At that Kagome could only shrug, because in a way, she had.

She knew it was wrong, but there were so many people who kept telling her how good Kikyo was and how amazing of a priestess she was, and it had just seemed wrong to tarnish that image of her.

If someone had tried to do that to her father, she didn't know if she'd want to hear it.

Hey, your father rose from the dead and has been eating the souls of young children in order to get revenge against your mother who he feels betrayed him but didn't, and is now taking his revenge against one of your classmates who had literally nothing to do with any of this—yeah, that might not settle well with her either.

She knew that Kaede was probably already aware of what was happening, but to look at her and say the words—Kagome couldn't bring herself to do it.

Kagome felt her eyes water, and quickly covered her face with her wet hands.

"Kagome?" Sango asked, water sloshing.

"I'm sorry! I was trying so hard not to hurt anyone," a sob escaped her, "and all I did was hurt everyone!"

"Kagome," Sango sighed heavily, reaching her hand across the space between them. "No, you didn't hurt us."

"But I did! You thought that I didn't trust you, and I do! I do more than anything!"

"I'm sorry," Sango emphasized each word, "I was angry. I am angry," she corrected, squeezing Kagome's arm. "It feels like you don't trust any of us with something so important, and it is important."

Kagome sniffled as she wiped her face with damp fingers.

"We just want to help, and most of the time, I don't know how to do that." Kagome looked up at her, and Sango gave her a weak smile. "It feels like we've drifted apart, and I don't know what I'd do without you."

Kagome could understand that. It'd felt like that in a lot of ways too.

"I'm sorry."

They were the only words that she knew how to say to that.

"I don't know how to help you," Sango admitted, and Kagome let out a short laugh.

"I don't think there's ever been someone in my shoes."

Sango gave her a small smile.

"I don't think so either."

"If it helps, I don't know what I need either sometimes."

"So what do we do?"

Kagome shrugged.

"I don't know."

Sango took in a deep breath, leaning back in her tub.

"We'll figure out," she said quietly. "Like Kaede said, one step at a time."

There was a long, lingering pause between them.

"We're okay though?"

Sango turned her head to her, a smile beaming across her face that was bright enough to make Kagome give her a tremulous smile in return.

"We're okay," she whispered.

Kagome nodded, sitting still for a moment and enjoying the bath. She wiped herself down with the rag once more as she sat there fidgeting. The silence in the room was making her uneasy, and she didn't know how to fill it.

"Are you alright, Kagome?"

"Yeah," she answered quickly. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem okay," Sango said, shifting in her tub.

"No, no, I'm fine." Kagome grimaced at how inauthentic that actually sounded.

The room spun and swirled inward towards her. The steam from the bath smothered her, because they weren't fine. She'd messed up—again—and how many more times would they let her screw up and screw up again and again until they decided that enough was enough?

How many times was too many and they just cut her loose?

How many times would they endure her messing up before they just turned her over?

Gave her up to Kikyo?

The room tumbled around swirling into the water, and she put a hand out as it reverberated around her.

That wasn't right.

They wouldn't do that.

Right?

No. They wouldn't.

They wouldn't.

Her hand reached for the edge of the tub, but missed, splashing down into the water. But the sound was lost in the cacophony already present.

Loud thrumming enveloped the room and her, and she clamped her eyes shut, but it only made the swirling, tumbling feeling worse. It felt like she was being shoved under water, trying to breathe and fight, and she had so little left to offer.

She gasped in a short breath, the heat and humidity making the air so heavy she might as well have been drowning.

She was fine.

She was safe.

She knew this.

She tried to get out Sango's name, but the only thing she could manage was a guttural hissing sound interrupted with sharp gasps of air.

Reaching for the edge of the tub again, she lunged, catching the edge with the tip of her nail.

Something draped over her shoulders, but by then the black edges to her vision had nearly completely overtaken everything.

She tried to turn her head to look, but every motion made her wobble, and it took her holding onto the bottom of the tub to keep the world steady under her.

Hands slid under her arms, hauling her out of the water and the tub, and with that, everything she'd sorted for herself flew away inside of a short gasping breath.

Those same hands pressed her into a clothed—something—as her eyes fluttered closed, reassured that finally, the world would stop moving if she just let go.

A/N: Happy Thursday! When I tell you that I completely forgot that today was one of the days that I was posting.

We'll blame Tired Teacher Brain, because there are only seven days left of school. I'm having to move rooms, and we're supposed to be completely packed by next Tuesday, while teaching and giving exams, because that's not complicated by any means. So there's a lot of stress right now, which isn't helping anything. It's great and I can't wait until summer starts.

Anyway, I hope the rest of the teachers make it to summer, I'm rooting for you!

I hope you enjoyed the chapter and don't hate on Sango too much. She has some valid points and reasons for being angry.

Let me know what you think and I'll see you all in June. (I wrote that and then went, "I should check the calendar and make sure" 😂)