"I'm telling you, Ziva, we took a wrong turn."
"We did not. We are going exactly the way we are supposed to be going."
"I'm pretty sure that we aren't."
She glared at him. "I am sure that we are."
Now, normally he wouldn't argue with that glare, he did have some sort of self-preservation, after all but this was different. If he didn't argue they were going to end up lost. And he really didn't want to end up lost, not when there were far too many back roads with fields on the outskirts of this town. Back roads that he did not want to get lost down. He was pretty sure they all looked the same and all that would happen was that they'd end up going round and round in circles for days on end. Well, maybe not days but definitely hours. Hours that he didn't want to spend surrounded by endless fields. He'd seen all the movies, they never ended well.
"Explain why we haven't returned to civilisation yet then?"
She scoffed at him. "We are hardly away from civilisation, Tony."
"We're surrounded by fields and we can't even see a farmhouse. I'd say that makes us pretty far away from civilisation."
"You are being dramatic."
"I'm being dramatic? You're the one who got us lost!"
"I told you that we are not lost."
"Then where are we then, huh?"
Her mouth opened and closed and then she looked all around them. Like he said, there were nothing but fields.
"In the middle of fields," she said, annoyed.
At herself or him, he wasn't too sure.
"We'll figure it out," Tony said, rummaging through the glove compartment. "Pretty sure that there's a map in here somewhere."
"Is that not a sign out there?" Ziva asked, gesturing out the window. " That may tell us where we are."
"And the map will tell us how to get away from wherever this is and back to civilisation."
He didn't do fields. Never did. Never would after a particularly traumatizing incident with a cow in his youth.
"I bet it says something like 'Warning: Deer Crossing' or something unhelpful like that," he added grumpily for good measure.
"No, it says 'Bed and Breakfast Two Miles', actually."
"Like I said, not helpful. Ah ha!"
He brandished the folded up map at her.
She gave him an unimpressed look.
"Well done, Tony. You found the map."
"And it's going to show us exactly where we are."
And to prove his point, he opened it, elbowing her, the window and the dashboard as he did so.
"That is what maps do when you have some idea of where we are. Do you have any idea where we are?"
He did not but he was not about to admit that to her. What did she take him for, an idiot? Instead, he turned the map this way and that both to give the impression that he knew what he was looking for and to actually look for where they were on this thing. What was the last named road they were on? That was ages ago. Why did back roads and fields not have names on them like civilisation?
Turning the map again, and annoying Ziva even more, he frowned at it. That looked like the road they were on but there was a similar one parallel to it that could also be their road. And, of course, both of them didn't end up in the same place. He sighed heavily and made a decision.
"Where are you going?" She demanded as he sort of folded up the map again and opened the car door.
"Out."
"I can see that. Why?"
"To get a better idea of where we are."
"You can do that from inside the car," she said in exasperation but she followed him out.
There was a brief scuffle with the map as Ziva wanted to help him. A scuffle he actually managed to win but that was because he cheated and held it above his head with one hand and stopped Ziva from stomping on his foot with another. Surprisingly she gave up but that might have had something with the grey clouds swirling above them.
"Just find out where we are," she said, crossing her arms.
"That's what I'm trying to do."
All that did was earn him a dangerous looking glare so be decided to get looking at the map. It couldn't be that hard to figure it out, right?
"Okay, I think i know what road we're on," he finally announced.
"Finally!" Ziva huffed. "We would have known that earlier if you would have let me help."
"You were being far too violent with the map!"
She ignored him as she continued, "Is it not that two bodies are better than one?"
"Heads, two heads are better than one."
She blinked at him in confusion. "What use are two heads if they do not have bodies?"
"What? No! That's not what I meant!" He really wondered what went on in his partner's head sometimes. Actually, he didn't want to know. "It means two brains are better than one."
"Brains still need bodies unless they have been shot out of someone."
He shuddered at that image. He'd seen too many bodies of just that.
"Two brains means two people thinking about it which is better than one."
"That is what I said! Two is better than one!"
"No, you said - You know what? It doesn't matter." He started folding up the map. "We now know where we're going and that's all that matters."
The first drops of rain started to fall and Ziva nodded.
"Let's go. I am surprised Gibbs has not called to shout at us."
"No signal."
He had checked. Multiple times.
She rolled her eyes and turned towards the car. "Of course. Which means that as soon as we get signal we will have all sorts of messages scolding and threatening us." She looked back when he didn't respond. "Tony?"
"Ziva?" He said, not looking at her.
"Yes, Tony?"
He pointed just beyond her, making her turn around. She made an "ah" noise when she saw what he was pointing at.
"Is that a goat?"