TW: This story contains references and themes of depression, suicide and grief
...
Rachel sighed as she heard the letter box open and close, her mail thudding onto the floor of the hallway. In the two weeks she had been off work for, she had memorised the time the post man came. Every morning at 11AM, except on Saturdays and Sundays. Since she had nothing else to do, apart from watching day time TV and going out for a walk round the block, the post man coming to drop off her mail was the only interesting event in her day. Most of the mail she received ended up in the bin, but it didn't matter, it was still the highlight of her day.
Once she'd made herself a cup of tea, she headed out into the hallway, her eyes falling on the pile of letters on the floor. She placed her mug on the side as she bent down to pick them up, flicking through them. The envelope with the Waterloo Road logo stamped in the top right hand corner caught her eye. A million memories came flooding back to her as she stared at the letter in her hand.
Two years. It had been two years since she had left Waterloo Road to start a new life with the man she loved. Out of all the schools she had taught at and been in charge of, Waterloo Road had been the best and the most challenging. It was a school like no other, a place where kids and staff from different backgrounds and abilities came together as one big and slightly dysfunctional family.
The last two years had flown by in a blur. They had been filled with happiness and love.
If you had told fourteen year old Amanda Fenshaw that she would one day change her name to Rachel Mason, move to Rochdale and become a Head Teacher, she would have laughed in your face and called you crazy. If you'd told her she'd marry her childhood friend Adam Fleet (A.K.A 'Fat Adam'), she would have laughed even harder.
But it was all true. Rachel had met and married the love of her life. They had spent a blissful year, travelling around Spain, Italy and Greece, exploring and soaking up the sun before returning home to rainy Rochdale. Once they were home they settled into a routine. Rachel went back to work, resuming her pre- Head Teacher role of teaching English at another secondary school in the area. It was a change for her, and, at first she was a little rusty, but she soon realised how much she'd missed being in the classroom.
Adam had gotten a job as Head Chef at a local restaurant. Everything was perfect. Rachel and Adam were blissfully happy. Rachel's favourite thing was to come home from work and to have the smell of Adam's cooking blasting her in the face as she walked through the door. Her second favourite thing was walking into the kitchen and watching his face light up when she walked up to kiss him. They spent their weekday evenings talking about their day whilst cuddled up on the sofa, watching TV. They spent their weekends going on walks and playing games, laughing, joking and making memories. They really did love each other. Rachel had never in her life felt happiness like this.
Just seven months ago, that happiness had turned into agonising heartbreak and grief.
...
Seven months ago...
It was a Friday night, approximately 6pm. Rachel had just arrived home. She was exhausted after a busy day of teaching and staff meetings. She couldn't wait to get home, order a Chinese and crash on the sofa with Adam and watch a movie, like they usually did on a Friday night.
She hadn't thought much of his car not being on the drive. But she was surprised, however, when the house was silent. Again, she hadn't panicked at first. Adam usually got home from work at around 5pm. It was just gone 6pm. She figured he was running late and had forgotten to text her.
When two hours had gone by and Adam still hadn't walked through the door, she knew something was wrong. Her suspicions were confirmed when she opened her front door to find a policeman stood on her porch. As soon as the words came out of the policeman's mouth, Rachel's world crumbled, her heart shattering in two.
Adam was dead.
...
A car crash.
A stupid bloody car crash.
It was an accident that could have been avoided, had the other driver simply been looking where he was going.
Seven months on and Rachel was still hurting, she was still angry. She was lost without Adam. He had died and taken a piece of him with her. She would never be whole again. She missed him, she missed him so much. From the big things, to the little, insignificant things. She missed the way her heart fluttered in her chest when he kissed her. She missed how safe she felt when she was wrapped in his arms. She missed his cooking. She missed how they could laugh for hours on end over nothing. She missed them talking about anything and everything. She missed his cheesy jokes and his beautiful smile. She missed it all.
It wasn't fair. Adam's life had been over before it had even really begun. They'd had so many plans, so many dreams and so much love for one another. And just like that, it was all gone, and the love had turned into unbearable grief. Adam hadn't deserved this, why did it have to be him? It was a question Rachel would always ask and would never get the answer to.
Rachel was pulled out of her thoughts by a strong, but tiny movement in her stomach. She smiled as she rubbed a hand over her baby bump.
It was two months after Adam had died that Rachel had found out she was pregnant. The pain she felt when she'd found out and couldn't tell him had been powerful enough to crush her. They had come back to Rochdale with the intention to settle down and start a family. Now she was pregnant and Adam was gone. It wasn't fair.
As much as she loved her little girl, she was terrified of doing this alone, without him by her side. There were so many things a daughter needed from her Father that her little one would miss out on, and there would be so many firsts that Adam would miss out on too. It just wasn't fair.
Why did it have to be Adam?
But at the same time, she was over the moon. From the second she'd seen her little girl on the sonogram photo, she had instantly fallen in love. She knew Adam would have too. Her baby was a dim light in what was a very dark world. Adam had left, but he had given her something to live for.
Someone.
A daughter.
If she was honest, the little life growing inside her was the only thing keeping her going. It was the only reason she got up in the morning and went to work. Her little girl was the only reason she hadn't completely broken down.
Now, she was eight months pregnant and two weeks into maternity leave. Everything was ready for her little one. The nursery was decorated, the crib set up. The car seat was already sitting in the back of the car, and the pram was tucked away in the corner of the living room. The baby's wardrobe was full of baby-grows, nappies and hats, and there was a pink elephant teddy bear in the crib waiting to be cuddled. As scared as she was for this new chapter in her life, she was ready to be a Mother. She was ready to hold her little girl in her arms, to love her and cuddle her and to be everything she needed. And she knew Adam would be watching over them both.
Her gaze returned to the letter in her hand. She ripped open the envelope, finding a small, blue invitation inside:
"Waterloo Road Staff and Students Reunion Party!
Date: Wednesday 16th May 2012
Time: 7:30pm (in the main hall of the school)
All staff and student alumni are welcome! Drinks and snacks will be available!"
Rachel smiled. If she wasn't eight months pregnant, she would happily go and mingle with her old colleagues and ex students. She also didn't want to go alone. If Adam were here, she knew he'd be up for going. If he were here, they'd be going together. But that was her reality. Adam was gone.
She put the invitation down on the side as her phone started to ring. She grabbed it out of her pocket, smiling when she saw who was calling.
"Hi, Kim" she answered
"Hi, Rach. How are you doing?"
"I'm ok, you?"
"Yeah, I'm good. Dexter is finally asleep so I thought I'd call while I had chance!"
Rachel smiled. Kim and Rachel had never lost touch since they had both left Waterloo Road. Kim was one of Rachel's closest friends. Since Adam had died, Kim called her everyday and came over to visit with Dexter at the weekends. She had been a huge support, especially during the pregnancy and Rachel was so grateful to her. Rachel knew she could go to her when she needed someone to talk to, or if she just needed a change of scenery, and Kim was the same.
"Have you been sent anything from Waterloo Road?" Kim asked, pulling Rachel from her thoughts
"Yes, an invitation for a reunion or something" Rachel nodded, picking up the invitation again
"I got one too! Are you going?"
"I don't think so, Kim"
"Why not? It'll be fun!" Kim insisted
"You seem to have forgotten I'm eight months pregnant, Kim!" Rachel chuckled
"And it'll be the last time you'll be able to properly socialise for a while! Trust me, I know! Come on, Rach! We can go together!"
"You have Dexter to look after. The reunion is next week, it's a bit short notice to try and get a babysitter" Rachel pointed out
"My Mum will look after him. Come on, we don't have to stay long, just a couple of hours and then we can leave, I promise!" Kim begged
"Fine" Rachel gave in
"Yay! I'll call you tomorrow, ok? I can hear Dexter crying"
Rachel said goodbye and hung up the phone.
She moved into the living room, collapsing onto the sofa with a sigh. She couldn't deny it, even though she was apprehensive about going, she was excited too. It would be nice to see everyone and meet the new staff and catch up with the previous students of Waterloo Road. She had missed everyone. And it would probably do her good to get out of the house for a few hours. As Kim said, it would probably be her last chance to socialise properly before her little one arrived.
She smiled as her little girl pressed her foot against her hand to let her know she was still there.
"Are you excited to go to this reunion too?"
Kick.
"Waterloo Road is very special. It's where me and your Daddy were reunited after twenty years. Your Daddy proposed to me there, in the school canteen, and then we had our wedding reception in the hall. There are lots of memories there; I'll tell you all about them when you're old enough"
Kick.