Belly:

It was a weekend between Christmas and New Years — a time when no one knows what day it is and Christmas pajamas are on repeat. I had the entire house to myself for the weekend. Mom was at a writers retreat, Taylor was out of town with family, and Steven was at a party. When he left, he told me not to wait up which meant he probably wasn't coming home tonight.

I lay on the couch and watch the 1940 holiday classic Christmas in July as I snack on chocolate-covered pretzels. It takes me back to movie nights with the moms. The smell of brownies coming from the kitchen. Popcorn popping in the microwave. Susannah and my mom laughing. I would do anything just to watch one more with her. I imagine Susannah beside me on the couch watching it with me. Sometimes if I close my eyes I swear I can feel her there. She always held an affinity for classic movies and after she passed, I found myself even more drawn to them just to feel close to her.

Holidays just weren't the same without Susannah. What once used to be full of color and life was now black and white. Thanksgiving with the Fishers was the best holiday I'd ever had but I guess I knew deep down nothing lasts forever. I knew I'd end up losing Susannah eventually. I just never thought I'd end up losing all of them.

What was most painful about the Holidays was watching my mother stay busy and try to keep it together. Because as soon as she would slow down reality would hit her. It was almost like saying Susannah's name was a curse word. Steven and I did our best to avoid any conversations relating to the Fishers although it was inevitable at times. I was secretly okay with it though because I hadn't spoken to Conrad or Jeremiah in months. It was a sore subject for all of us.

That's why when Steven surprised my mother with tickets to the writers retreat on Christmas morning, we forced her to go after she argued with us for most of the day. We all knew it was better than the alternative which was sitting around at home missing Susannah. My mother was strong but sometimes an escape is all you need. We just had to get through the holidays then life as we know it would go back to 'normal' – whatever that means.

As I reminisce on old memories with Susannah, a thought enters my mind. A wild and spontaneous idea. I had only been to Cousins in the winter a handful of times but right now, I wanted nothing more than to be in that house. Besides I was already alone, there was no one to tell me no. When would I get the chance to go alone again?

It was a last-minute decision but there are only so many Christmas movies you can rewatch and only so many chocolate-pretzels you can eat until you become restless. I turn off the tv and run upstairs to quickly pack my Whale Of A Tale tote then I hit the road for Cousins Beach.

I stop for road trip essentials on the way: Sour Patch Kids with a half cherry half Coke. I laugh about the fact that if my mom was here, she'd give me a lecture about how candy and coke isn't a proper dinner. But she wasn't here. There was no one here to tell me what to do or what to eat or where to go. And there was freedom in that. It would be my little secret. No one had to know. I would stay the night then drive back home in the morning. A small late Christmas present to myself.

When I finally arrive and pull into the driveway, it's nightfall. The beach house looks like a painting against a sunset sky. I park and take a deep breath as I admire it. Even in the winter, it was still my favorite place in the entire world. I throw my tote over my shoulder and I skip to the door with Sour Patch Kids in my mouth as giddy as can be. My heart knew it was home.

I search for my key to the beach house as I walk up the steps. When I can't find them after minutes of endless searching, I realize I had forgotten them on my dresser. I sigh to the sky. How could I have forgotten the most important thing: my key? I guess that's what happens when you make last-minute plans by yourself in a rush. I suddenly recall Jere telling Steven about a spare key a few years back and I begin to look for it. There had to be one somewhere. I check underneath the mat, under Susannah's plants and pots, and all around the front yard with no luck. I snack on Sour Patch Kids as I search out of frustration.

It was nowhere to be found but I wasn't giving up. I had driven all this way. There had to be another way. I decide to try to enter through the backyard but the gate is locked. I take a deep breath and try the only option left I have to do which is to try to scale the gate. It is going well until I reach the top. I swing my leg over and the thread of my jeans catch on the gate. I try to yank my leg free and it rips a hole in my jeans which makes me fall. At least I had fallen into the backyard and not backyards. My hands break the fall but it still knocks the wind out of me. I sit up to examine my leg and a red gash appears on my thigh under my ripped jeans. My hands shake as I cradle it and wince at the new burning sensation. To my luck, I walk over to find the back door unlocked. Thank God. I make my way inside, wincing and limping the entire time.

When I get to the kitchen, I flip on the lights and rummage through the cabinets looking for the first aid kit. I finally find it and open it on the counter to doctor my gash. I sit on a barstool and begin to take care of it when I hear the front door open. It scares me and I jump, the stool making a screeching sound on the floor.

"Hello? Who's here?" A familiar voice approaches.

I knew that voice. I knew it from a million miles away.

Conrad Fisher enters the kitchen with a bag of groceries in his hand. He is wearing a winter coat over a flannel and jeans. Just the sight of him makes me forget where I am, what I was doing, and the sharp pain in my leg. We both stare at each other in shock. What was he doing here?

"Hi." He exhales, looking at me.

I open and close my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. He notices the first aid kit on the counter and sets the bag of groceries on the counter.

"Are you okay?" Hair falls into his eyes as he steps closer to me to inspect the gash on leg. My pulse quickens.

"I-I was looking for a spare key…" I finally find my voice.

His eyes flash to mine. "What spare key?"

"There isn't a spare key?"

He shakes his head slowly in confusion.

I drop my head in my hands. "I'm going to kill Jere."

"We should clean it before it gets infected." Conrad says in a doctor-like tone. "It's deep."

Before I even have time to reply or think, he scoops me into his arms and carries me to the couch. I couldn't remember the last time we were this close. He smelled just like I remembered. Like the ocean. He sets me down gently then says "wait here" without looking at me.

He returns to the living room with the first aid kit. He doctors the deep gash on my thigh — cleaning it first with soap and warm water then with a saline solution that stings but I tolerate it. After he is done, he wraps a large gauze with ointment around my leg.

I allow myself to steal glances at him as he takes care of me. There was light scruff on his jawline and chin. He was less tan than I was used to seeing him during the summers but other than that he was still the Conrad I knew. Maybe even better. More mature. More grown up looking. He looks up at me and catches me staring so I look away.

"There." He says as soon as he is done. I try to ignore how nice his hand feels on mine as he pats my leg.

"Thank you." I manage to whisper out loud.

He nods and takes the first aid kit back to the kitchen. When he comes back, there is an awkward silence between us. I press my lips together as I look at the fireplace then quicky look away.

"Sorry if it's weird that I'm here." I say, looking down at the ground. "I didn't know anyone was here…"

Conrad shrugs. "It's your house just as much as it is ours. You don't have to apologize."

I nod. The awkward tension lingers and grows between us. I clear my throat and try to stand up.

"Well, I should go before it gets too dark." I say.

I try not to show the pain in my leg as I stand up but he knew me better than that by now. He notices everything.

"It's already dark." Conrad replies. "And Laurel will kill me if I let you drive all that way alone at night."

"You do know I'm not thirteen anymore right?" I tease him as I stand up. "And you don't have to worry about Laurel. She doesn't know I'm here."

Conrad looks at me. I can tell he wants to know why.

I shrug. "Steven got her tickets to a writer's retreat. She's away for the weekend."

I leave it at that and Conrad nods. The silence grows.

Then he asks me, "Why are you here, Belly?"

It comes out more harsh and accusatory than I think he meant it but I still shoot him a look.

"It's my house as much as it is yours, remember?" I roll my eyes then walk to the kitchen to grab my tote.

"Belly-" Conrad says behind me. "I didn't mean it."

I shake my head as I take the tote and turn around to face him. "What did you mean?"

His expression is hard to read. I wait for him to elaborate.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Conrad shakes his head. "You're always welcome here. I just wasn't expecting you… to be here when I got back."

"Why are you here?" I ask, crossing my arms. "Aren't you supposed to be with family or something? It's almost New Years."

Conrad blinks then looks away. I had every intention of leaving him until I see the look on his face. I can tell my words hurt him. I was referring to Jere and Adam when I had said family but I could tell by the pain behind his eyes he was thinking about Susannah. I begin to regret my words. I felt sorry for him. After all, he was here all alone during the holiday break. Why?

"Conrad, I-" I begin to speak but he turns his back to me.

He walks over to the fireplace and rests his hand on the mantel, looking down. I could feel the tension in the room.

"I won't tell anyone you were here." He says. "You're free to go."

He doesn't even look at me and it makes me feel even worse. I close my eyes and suck in a deep breath. I knew I was going to regret what I was about to say and do but how was I supposed to just leave him alone like this? I wasn't that cruel. I had a heart. Besides, I was alone for the holidays too. There was nothing to rush back home.

I walk up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that either, Conrad. I'll stay."

He turns to look at me and I exhale.

"We could both use the company." I offer a friendly smile then nudge him in the shoulder. "But you're ordering us Pizza. I'm starving."

A laugh escapes from him and it's a relief to hear. He nods and smirks. "Deal."

30 minutes later, there is a knock at the door. I try to stand up to get it knowing it's the pizza but Conrad jumps up from the chair next to the couch faster.

"I got it." He winks as he walks to the door.

I smile and lay back down on the couch. I watch his tall figure exit the kitchen. I go back to watching our favorite film It Happened One Night as Conrad tips the pizza delivery driver. He comes back with a pizza box and sets it on the coffee table for us to share as we watch the movie. Conrad takes a slice and sits back in his chair, keeping an obvious distance between us.

"Is it just me or does this taste amazing right now?" I say after I finish my first piece.

"I bet all you've eaten today is Sour Patch Kids." Conrad teases me.

I laugh. "That's not true! I also had chocolate-covered pretzels."

Conrad laughs. "Same old Belly."

We enjoy the movie and meal, not talking too much but it was the best night I could have asked for. It was nice to just be with him like this. I'd missed everything about him. His laugh. The way he enjoyed classic films the same way I did. His eyes. His hair. I stop myself there before I get too carried away.

"Want anymore?" He nods at the pizza box when the movie is close to over.

I shake my head. "I'm stuffed, thank you."

He begins to stand up to carry the pizza box to the kitchen but I stop him.

"Here." I say as I take the pizza box from his hands. "You bought it. I'll take care of it."

I take the pizza box to the kitchen, leaving him behind. The pain in my leg was much better now thanks to some Ibuprofen he forced me to take after eating but I also used this moment alone to catch my breath. I was alone with Conrad at the beach house and things were actually going well. Taylor would be quaking in her boots right now at the sight of us and the thought of it makes me laugh out loud to myself. I shake my head, imagining her face.

"What's so funny?"

I turn around to see Conrad leaning against the archway, watching me. The way he is looking at me makes my heart flutter and I memorize him as he is in this moment.

I laugh, shaking my head. "Nothing."

"Tell me." He smirks.

I look at him then look away.

"It's just ironic isn't it?" I shrug. "Running into each other like this."

I look back up at him and he smiles. He didn't have to say anything. I knew he knew what I meant and felt what I felt. Cousins Beach was a magical place – a place that always drew us together at the same place and the same time. Was it fate? Was it purely coincidental? The world may never know. All I knew was I was going to make the most out of it. It was a dream to be with him like this.

Suddenly I get an idea. I flip through some of the kitchen cabinets looking for Susannah and Laurel's secret stash. When I come upon it, I take out two of the bottles.

I spin back around to face him, holding a bottle in each hand. "Alright. What's on the menu tonight?"

Conrad laughs. "You're definitely not driving home now."

"That was already a given." I laugh. "So what will it be?"

Conrad smirks and points at the bottle on my right. "Tequila."

I knew he'd pick that one. It was an unspoken Cousins tradition by now. An inside joke between us.

"Too bad we don't have pomegranates." I tease as I search for shot glasses. "I make a mean margarita."

When I turn around, Conrad is standing behind me with the shot glasses I was looking for. I nearly run into him and I look up at him, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

"I remember." He smirks as he hands me the shot glasses. "The Belly Special."

We share a moment and laugh then look at each other, remembering that day. The day we almost shared our first kiss. The day I confronted him about the necklace. The first time I got drunk. It all seemed so silly now.

"Alright." I set the shot glasses on the counter, pulling away first. "How many shots?"

"Let's start with one." He laughs. "This isn't college."

"You obviously don't go to college with Taylor." I laugh.

Conrad pours the shots for us and I pick mine up.

"Cheers to…." I didn't know what to toast to. I leave the sentence hanging.

"Cheers to the New Year." Conrad clinks his shot glass to mine. "Well, in a few days…"

We both laugh then take our shots. I make a face as I wash mine back and shake my head. Tequila straight was something I would never get used to. Conrad laughs at me.

"What?" I laugh too.

"You've always made the same face when you take a shot." Conrad smirks. "You haven't changed."

Conrad was more observant than most people gave him credit for. Even when you thought he

"I'm not the same actually." I playfully nudge his shoulder with mine. "I'm almost a college graduate. I know things now."

"Oh yeah?" Conrad laughs, setting his shot glass back on the counter. "Like what?"

I tilt my head at him, thinking of a good answer. I had missed this. Our banter. Our jokes. Our connection.

"Well, I know how to kind of break into a house." I laugh, making fun of myself.

Conrad scoffs. "You barely made it over the fence."

"Whatever." I laugh, rolling my eyes.

"Well, you're still the same to me." Conrad smirks. "In all the ways that matter."

I try not to show the effect his words have on me as I pour another shot. Only he could make me feel this way.

Conrad laughs as I pour the shot. "Slow down. There is no rush."

I turn to face him with an idea in mind. "You're right… There is no rush. How about a drinking game?"

Conrad grabs us both waters from the refrigerator. He was always the responsible one.

"Drinking game?" He lifts a brow at me as he slides a water to me on the counter.

I shrug. "Why not? It'll be fun!"

Conrad smirks. "What do you have in mind?"

"First, Let's take this to the living room before I push my luck too far." I laugh, looking down at my leg.

Conrad takes the bottle of Tequila and shot glasses. I grab our waters as we move to the living room. This time, we both sit on the couch but we keep a certain distance between us. An old classic movie plays in the background, 1954's Sabrina. A classic love triangle between Audrey Hepburn and two brothers. Ironic.

"Truth or Drink." I smile. "Have you played it?"

"I wasn't born yesterday, Belly. I am older than you." Conrad teases me.

"Alright, then you go first." I laugh, pouring us both a shot. "Mr. Know It All."

Conrad waits until I'm done pouring the shots for us. "Why are you really here?"

"I had the house to myself and I was bored I guess."

"Bored?" Conrad laughs. "I have a hard time seeing that."

I roll my eyes. "Glad to know you think I'm so annoying."

"I said 'bored'." Conrad's eyes meet mine. "Not annoying."

I look away first, breaking our eye contact.

"Okay, my turn." I clear my throat. "What is your deepest fear?"

Conrad ponders it for a moment. We watch the movie as he thinks about his answer.

"Not being able to save a patient." He says after a moment, his eyes distant.

It was a heavy answer. A heavier answer than I was expecting. I nod, looking away from him.

"Yeah, I can't imagine..." I shake my head.

Conrad turns towards me. "What about you?"

"What about me?" I watch the movie.

"What's your deepest fear?" Conrad asks.

I rest my head against the couch, thinking of a deep answer like his. Conrad is quiet and gives me time to think which I appreciate.

"Probably losing someone I love." I look at him then look at the ceiling. "I guess I just have this fear in the back of my mind that … You never know the last time you'll see someone."

Conrad looks into my eyes. He knew I was talking about Susannah. We hold each other's gaze, sharing the same sadness for the same person we know we will never get back.

"I watch old movies a lot." I say, looking back at the screen. "Just to feel closer to her. Sometimes I swear I can feel her next to me and I'm thirteen again."

Conrad watches the movie. "I know the feeling…"

The mood grows somber and I sit up to readjust.

"Okay." I laugh, trying to lighten the mood. "We both suck at this drinking game, don't we?"

"You're not wrong." Conrad laughs in agreement.

"We just need to ask better questions." I smile, turning towards him. "Okay… Who was your first crush?"

It was an interesting question. I was upping the stakes a little. It was something I didn't know for sure about him. At least I thought I didn't. I anticipate his answer and study his face. But he doesn't answer me. He leans down to take a shot instead.

"Wow! It's that embarrassing, huh?" I laugh, half-relieved and half-disappointed he didn't reveal who it was.

He just laughs, shaking his head. "I'm not telling you."

I smile and nod, leaving it at that.

"Who was yours?" Conrad asks. I can feel his eyes on me.

I laugh and take the shot, shaking my head. "You already know the answer."

"I do?" He turns to look at me and I look at him. I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"You, dummy." I laugh at him. "My first crush was you."

A smirk unfolds on Conrad's lips and I find myself looking at his lips.

"Wow." He smirks, refilling our shot glasses on the table. "I guess I just never wanted to assume."

"My turn." I change the subject. "What is the worst date you've ever been on and why?"

Conrad immediately takes another shot.

"Dare I even ask?" I laugh. Maybe it was better I didn't know.

"Prom." Conrad says after he takes the shot. "It was your prom."

I look away from him, not wanting to remember the night we broke each other's hearts in the rain. Feelings I had forgotten rise to the surface and I exhale to release them.

"It wasn't the worst date because of you..." Conrad says, looking away. "It was my worst date because I let you down. I fucked up and you deserved better."

"We were kids..." I reply with a small voice. "It was a long time ago."

"But I hurt you and I'm sorry for that." He looks at me and I look at him.

"We both hurt each other, Conrad." I shrug, looking away.

"And I don't ever want to hurt you like that again."

"I know." I reach out to touch his hand with mine then remove it. We both watch the movie, feeling buzzed.

"What's the worst date you've ever been on?" Conrad asks as we watch the movie.

I scrunch my nose, thinking about it then take my shot.

He laughs. "Dare I even ask you what yours was?"

"I'm not telling." I scoff. "It's too embarrassing."

He looks at me with a smirk. "Try me."

I sigh. "Honestly? Most of my dates with Cam."

Conrad laughs. "I wasn't expecting that."

I laugh. "No, I mean. Cam is an amazing guy. A nice guy and I wish him nothing but the best. I just never felt fireworks with him, you know? It sucks having to break someone's heart when you're not feeling the same way but I knew it was the right thing to do… Besides, as soon as he started singing Grease on the karaoke machine at Nicole's party I realized we weren't… compatible."

Conrad laughs to tease me further. "So that's why you didn't ask him to the Debutante Ball."

"Shut up!" I laugh, nudging his shoulder with mine.

Conrad just laughs and I watch him out of the corner of my eye with a smile on my face. Our questions were getting braver now. Or maybe it was the alcohol talking. Either way, I wasn't going to let one of the questions go.

"Now you have to tell me." I say.

"Tell you what?" He says, refilling our glasses.

"You have to tell me the question you didn't answer: Who your first crush was."

Conrad pours his shot then immediately brings it up to his mouth to take it.

"That is cheating and you know it." I laugh, shaking my head.

Conrad lifts a brow at me and smirks. "Is it?"

"Fine." I smile and squint at him. "If you can cheat then I can cheat." I laugh, finally removing the bottle from his hands and take another shot directly from the bottle. This was probably my last one. I didn't want to take it too far. I didn't trust myself around him that much. I knew better than that by now. I was old enough now to know my limits, Conrad and Tequila being one of them.

As I take my shot, I hear him say: "You."

At first, I thought I had imagined it but when I look at him, he is looking right at me. It was real. He had answered the question. He had said the words out loud to my face.

"My first crush was you, Belly." Conrad's eyes search mine.

We look into each other's eyes and a thousand memories play in my mind. Young Conrad with Laurel over the morning paper. Young Conrad with a ballcap playing chess. Young Conrad helping my brother surf. Young Conrad teaching Jeremiah all about football. Young Conrad teaching me about infinity. Young Conrad giving me a glass unicorn for my birthday. Could it be? Could it be that all this time he had paid as much attention to me as I did to him? As I look at the Conrad in front of me, I have the strongest urge to touch him.

I guess he is feeling the same way I am because he reaches out to gently trace my hair, admiring me back. I close my eyes and let him. I let us have this small moment because tomorrow it'll all be gone. Tomorrow things will go back to the way they were but maybe tonight could be different. Maybe just for tonight I can let my guard down and pretend.

"My turn." I whisper as I open my eyes to look at him. He lightly traces my hair and nods.

I look into his eyes as I ask him, "Why do we always end up here at the same time?"

"I've been asking myself the same question…" Conrad whispers back as he traces the ends of my hair like a windchime. No boy or man could ever touch me the way he does. It sends fully body chills just from one touch. But that was it. The moment is over. I feel crushing disappointment as Conrad turns away. But I wasn't going to let him ruin this or overthink tonight. Tonight belonged to us. Or maybe it was the drinks talking but I didn't care.

"Let's go for a night swim!" I jump up with excitement, swaying a little from the Tequila.

Conrad laughs. "Are you crazy? It's freezing outside."

"We could do the… what do they call it? Polar Bear Plunge." I smile.

Conrad shakes his head. "No way."

"Come on, please." I beg, grabbing his hand to stand up with me.

"Not tonight." Conrad says but he doesn't let go of my hand.

His hand is warm in mine but I wanted more. If this was going to work then I would need to really push it to the extreme. I start to shed my layers.

"What do you think you're doing, Belly?" Conrad's voice sounds strained as he watches me.

"I'm doing it and you can't stop me." I laugh.

Conrad stands up. "Fine. We'll do it. Just keep your clothes on. Laurel will kill me if you die of hypothermia."

I giggle, squeezing his hand and dragging him behind me. "Deal!"

When we reach the beach we both look at each other and when we take our first step into the ocean, I jump from the temperature. The waves sending electric jolts and frozen chills up our spines.

"You sure you want to do this?" Conrad looks at me. "It's not too late to back out."

I splash water at him and he shivers away. The cold water stings the gash on my thigh but I ignore it.

"Oh, come on." I laugh, swaying. "Watch this!"

I dive headfirst into the water then immediately come up for air. Maybe Conrad was right. My entire body was shivering. The waves push me farther and farther away from him and he is shouting something to me but I can't hear him. I try to swim closer but the waves were stronger than me.

Next thing I know Conrad is next to me and I smile at him but my eyes are closing and my body is going numb. I felt like I was fading out to sea. Maybe it was the alcohol or the temperature but I couldn't stand up straight in the water. He is trying to talk to me but I can't make out what it is.

My eyes are closed but I can feel Conrad move me to his back and wrap my arms around his neck. I can feel his muscles flex through his shirt as he swims us towards the shore. When we get to the sand, Conrad lays me on my back. I hear him call my name repeatedly but I was fading. I couldn't respond even if I wanted to.

Conrad moves my wet hair out of my face and leans down to listen to my chest. He starts to give me CPR, pressing down on my chest then giving me mouth to mouth. It's enough to bring me back to reality. I open my eyes and cough up ocean water as he does more chest compressions. I sit up and look up at him.

"Belly…" He shakes his head. He looks like he has tears in his eyes but it could be the ocean water dripping from his hair. It was too dark to tell.

"Never do that again." He shakes his head. "Promise?"

I was drunk but not too drunk to know I had scared him. I reach my hands out to hug him and say sorry but he scoops me up in his arms instead. Our cold bodies try to find warmth together as he carries me back inside the beach house. He carries me upstairs and stands me up in the bathroom.

"You need to change out of these clothes." He says, handing me my tote. He must have grabbed it from downstairs.

I nod, obeying his orders. Conrad shuts the door behind him to give me privacy to change. I wish I had packed better. I drunkenly put on my cotton shorts and a big Cousins t-shirt. When I open the door, Conrad is in the hallway. He's changed into sweatpants and a long sleeve.

"Is that all you have?" He asks me.

I nod and grab my arm, shivering. "It'll do…"

"Hold on." He says, walking into his room. He comes back out with a pair of old Christmas pajamas. "Here."

I look up at him.

"You need to stay warm, Belly." Conrad holds them out to me. "Take them."

I go into the bathroom and change into his pajamas. They smelled just like him. They were warm and cozy. I remembered my mom sending me a picture of Jeremiah and Conrad in these exact pajamas. I smile at the memory. When I open the bathroom door again, Conrad almost laughs at how much I'm drowning in them.

"Better?" He smirks.

"Better." I smile.

Conrad wraps a warm blanket around me and carries me downstairs. I smile at him and laugh.

"What?" He looks at me as he carries me downstairs.

"You're still the same too, you know." I smile, admiring him.

"Am I?" Conrad laughs.

"Yeah." I say, looking at his lips. "Same but better."

Conrad sets me down on the couch and turns his back to me to start a fire for us. "I'll start a fire."

I watch him over the fireplace. My brain was still swirling from the alcohol.

"Why are you here?" I ask him.

Conrad freezes and doesn't turn back around to look at me.

"Why are you here all alone, Conrad?" I whisper. "You can tell me…"

The fire gets going and Conrad stands up, looking down.

"I wasn't invited." He says.

His words surprise me. "What?"

Conrad turns around and sits down right next to me. He looks at the fire and takes a deep breath. "Adam is getting engaged. Jere called me to tell me the news and I didn't want to be around for when it happens so he told me to just not show up at all."

"Oh…" I say, looking to the fire. I wasn't expecting that.

"I know I sound like an asshole." Conrad shakes his head. "But-"

"No, you don't." I say, looking back at him. "It's only been a few years since Susannah passed, Conrad. Your feelings are valid."

Conrad exhales. The pain on his face made so much sense now. I reach out to touch his face and he leans into it. It breaks my heart to think he's been here alone this whole time and I wanted nothing more than to take his pain away.

"I'm really sorry." I whisper. "I can't believe this."

Conrad closes his eyes and doesn't move an inch. I cup his face more with my palm and shake my head.

"I'm serious, Conrad." I whisper. "You've always looked out for your family. This is bullshit."

Conrad exhales, closing his eyes. "Sometimes it feels like you're the only person I can talk to who understands."

His words do something to my heart. I smile at him. "You can always talk to me about anything." I say as I drop my hand from his face with guilt. "And I'm sorry I-I haven't been there for you…"

He reaches out to hold my hand. "You're here now."

I look down at our hands then back up at him.

"I'm really glad you're here, Belly." Conrad breathes. "Even if you did make me drag your almost dead body out from the ocean."

We both laugh and watch the fire grow. Then I look at him and he looks at me. I could feel my heart swell for him.

"Are you warm enough?" Conrad clears his throat. "Let me see if-"

He begins to stand up but I pull him back down with my hand. Although the cold ocean had sobered me up, I still had some liquid courage left.

I look at his lips then his eyes. "Why do you keep doing that?" I whisper.

Conrad blinks. "Doing what?" He whispers.

I move closer to him on the couch, until we are right next to each other. My heart is beating out of my chest.

"Why do you keep pulling away?" I look into his eyes.

Conrad looks into my eyes and doesn't answer me. Our eyes and body language speak words our mouths cannot. We both lean in to kiss each other and it's better than I could ever have imagined. Conrad's lips are warm on mine and I melt into him. He was hesitant. Gentle. Soft. It was nice to see that hadn't changed but tonight, I wanted more. I wanted all of him. Every side. Every part.

His lips part from mine then he leans back. "I'm sorry-"

"No." I say, looking into his eyes. "Don't stop."

Conrad's eyes flash to my lips. I knew he wanted me too.

"Belly…" Conrad looks down at our hands. "I don't want to do something you'll regret. You've had a lot to drink tonight…"

"I know what I want." I say, looking at him and he looks back up at me. "And I want you." I whisper.

"What about tomorrow?" Conrad looks at the fire. "What will you want then?"

The room is silent with the exception of the fire. Before he can say anything else, I pull him closer to me and force him to look at me. The fire dances in his eyes as I think of my words carefully. I had to get it right. I had to let my guard down. Let my walls down. I had to let him in and show him what I was feeling. We'd never been good with words.

"I don't think I could ever regret you, Conrad Fisher." I whisper, tracing the freckles on his cheek as I look at him and he looks at me. "You've always been there. Here."

I take his hand that I'm holding and hold it to my heart. His warm hand burns through the skin of my pajama top. It was what he had said to me the night he confessed he still loved me. Conrad looks at me in a familiar way and I hold my breath.

And this time, he doesn't fight me. He kisses me and he doesn't stop. He kisses me like he wants me too. He kisses me, our lips whispering how much we had missed each other. He kisses me better than Rhett kisses Scarlett. He kisses me like I'm his and he is mine. With every kiss we erase all of our time apart. All the pain and heartache. All that mattered was now. All that mattered was tonight. All that mattered was he felt the same. And I would never forget the way he was kissing me. I'd never regret the way he was touching me. My heart would never recover because it was him. The boy I'd loved since I was 12 years old.