Metallover's Self Insert Adventure Book 3 - Blunt Force Trauma

by metallover

SI. OC. AU. Valm is finally invading! It's up to the Shepherds and the newly minted Ylissean Royal Army to stem the tide and push back against Walhart's tyranny. But after the damage that our intrepid Self Insert, Ben, has done to the relationships among the Shepherds, can they pull it off? Part 3 of Metallover's Self Insert Adventure begins! Bring on the trauma!

16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

I gave an irritated groan as a sliver of sunlight finally angled itself through the slit in my blinds and landed on my face. With a tired yawn, I rolled over and buried my face in a bush of messy blue hair, taking a deep breath and letting a smile rise to my face as I snuggled up closer to Lucina. We were both still naked after last night's debauchery, still luxuriating in the afterglow.

"Mmm. That tickles," Lucina muttered groggily.

"Can't help it," I yawned. "You smell good."

"There's no way either of us smell good after last night," she said, before yawning.

"Mm, I fucking love it, though," I grinned. "I like to mark my territory."

Lucina chuckled a little and rolled over, resting her forehead against mine.

"You have to leave today, right?" she asked softly.

"Blegh. Morning breath," I frowned, not opening my eyes.

Lucina laughed a little, bonking her forehead against mine. I grunted in displeasure, choosing to keep my eyes closed.

"You are not much better," she pointed out.

I finally opened my eyes, greeted by a crystalline blue gaze smiling over at me.

"Yeah, we're leaving today," I told her.

Lucina sighed, thankfully out her nose to spare me the morning breath miasma we no doubt were both sporting, before sliding over to press herself against me. I wrapped an arm around her to pull her closer, uncoiling to slip a leg between the Princess' and wrap it around hers. She smiled again, a note of melancholy in her tired expression this time, pressing herself even closer to me.

"I must admit, I have thoroughly enjoyed our liaison," she said into my shoulder.

I buried my nose in her hair, taking another deep breath of her scent as I tried to imprint it on my brain. I really did love the way she smelled. To my amusement, after only a moment Lucina did much the same, resting her cheek against my jaw and breathing deep against my neck.

"That tickles," I smirked.

"We both stink," Lucina giggled. "Come on, we should get you cleaned up before your trip."

"Nyet," I sighed, holding her a little tighter. "Just a little longer."

Lucina sighed contentedly, nuzzling my neck and melting into my embrace.

"You are such a bad influence on me," she whispered.

I lay like that for a time in that hazy half space between sleep and wakefulness, Lucina's breathing having levelled out as she fell back asleep in my arms. Our reverie was broken, though, by a sound from the door. I raised my head, earning an unhappy groan from Lucina.

"What's wrong?" she muttered.

"Someone's yelling again," I said, dropping my head. "Virion probably did something to piss Tharja off."

"Hopefully Olivia saves him again before she curses him," Lucina yawned. "Are we getting up yet?"

I opened my mouth to answer, closing it again as Archer whined from outside the door.

That wasn't a good sound.

Footsteps stomped up the hall towards my room and I sat up, Lucina leaning up on her elbow now, too.

Archer barked once, before whining again.

"Blood and thunder, beast! Move!"

The telltale sound of canine claws scratching on the floor as the dog beat a hasty retreat made me sigh a little.

Some guard dog he was…

"Uh-oh," Lucina muttered. "What did you do now?"

"What haven't I done?" I muttered back…

Then my door exploded inwards, Noire's leg dropping from having kicked the lock open.

"Father! Explain!" my time-travelling daughter screeched.

Lucina gasped, yanking the blanket up over her bare chest and leaving me all but exposed.

"Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much," I deadpanned. "Or get really, really drunk-"

"Not the time!" Noire growled.

"That goes double for you," I shot back.

"Noire, what is the matter?" Lucina asked exasperatedly. "Can we at least get dressed-"

She trailed off as Noire stomped across the room, my eyebrows rising until she actually grabbed me around the arm and yanked me out of the bed, my dangly-bits flopping all over the place.

"Noire, what the fuck!?" I yelped.

She ignored me, dragging me towards the door where Archer was peeking in. The dog retreated again in the face of Noire's ire, though, and despite my best efforts she dragged me, buck-ass-nude, into the hallway. She reached back for good measure, yanking the door closed behind us; although, because of the shattered latch it just bounced back a little into my room.

"One, I'd be very upset if that door were my problem past this afternoon," I deadpanned, shaking her off. "And two, this couldn't wait until I got dressed because…?"

I crossed my arms and sank to a hip, doing my best to project confidence despite my nudity. And the crowd of gawkers we were attracting at the end of the hallway. Olivia blushed and ducked out of sight, and Virion at least had the good graces to look upwards, but Gaila just snickered and continued to watch, looking me up and down as she blatantly licked her lips; not that I'd say anything, after the amount of times she'd caught me ogling those perfect, toned legs in that tiny little tunic thing she always wore...

Archer then poked his head out at about knee-height, Su'ko nowhere in sight, and I knew I was on my own here.

"Why the fuck am I finding out about my reassignment from Virion and not you!?" Noire hissed.

I resisted the urge to shudder at how much she sounded like her mother just then, but was momentarily overcome with confusion. I chose to latch onto that emotion, rather than let my darker thoughts drag me down.

I was getting better at that, lately.

But I was still confused here.

"I am very confused here," I said out loud, running a hand down my face.

"Why. Is. Virion. Reassigning. Me?" Noire growled.

She punctuated each word with a jab of her index finger into my sternum, and I lazily swatted it away.

"Because he's your commanding officer," I explained slowly.

"Not what I meant!" Noire snapped. "You're the one who signed the paperwork! Why are you pulling me from the First to your headquarters staff!? I'm the best damn archer in the entire regiment, and-"

"Okay, stop," I said over her. "That's hubris, kid. You are one of the best, not the best, and I need the bestest best in the HQ group."

I blinked a few times, hoping that had made sense.

"Bullshit!" Noire shouted. "You're just being over-protective-"

As she spoke I rolled my eyes, before cuffing her upside the head the same way my father had whenever I'd gotten worked up like this.

Noire went silent, glaring venomously at me. Virion and Olivia both gasped at the end of the hallway as Gaila barked out a harsh laugh, and I leaned around Noire to glare at them. The second I spotted her blazing red face, Olivia disappeared around the corner again.

"Fuck off already!" I snapped at them, before turning back to Noire. "As for you, little miss, may I speak now?"

She just growled in response, hands balling into fists, but remained otherwise quiet.

"Thank you," I said cordially.

I smiled for a moment, before my expression fell into a tired glare and I stepped right into Noire's face.

"This was a military matter, not a personal one," I hissed dangerously. "You wanted to be a soldier? Fine. I'm still your General, and you will not address me this way again. Am I clear?"

"Crystal, sir," Noire hissed back, bitterly emphasizing the last word.

"I reassigned you because I need you in the HQ staff," I told her, stepping back again. "I need you there specifically because you're one of the best archers, and a passable mage, too. I'm not going to lead from the rear the way I'm making Chrom, and I sure as hell don't trust any of the 'officers' the other nobles are sending. So. It's gotta be us."

A little of the tension went out of her frame, but she continued to glare.

"And it's not just you," I went on, crossing my arms again. "I'm pulling the best out of the other three regiments as well to act as my Honor Guard or reinforce the Shepherds. We're going to be in the thick in every single fight, Noire, and I need the best with me, because I top out at high-average, and I need all the help I can get. We won't be spared any of the fighting. Hell, we'll probably end up doing more than anyone else."

"I'm going to hold you to that," she said, glare fading into a frown. "But you couldn't tell me this yourself?"

"Virion is your commanding officer," I repeated exasperatedly. "I can't just go around him, Noire! What kind of example does it set if I start micro-managing!?"

I'd just… leave out the part where I actually had forgotten to tell her…

She was silent for a moment, before her gaze dropped. Immediately, her face blazed red and her eyes snapped to the ceiling.

"Uh… s-sorry, dad, um…" she mumbled.

"Go pack," I sighed. "My junk is old news now. Sorry I didn't organise the transfer earlier."

She nodded without making eye contact, turning away without looking at me.

"S-sorry for… uh, losing it," she said awkwardly. "B-but maybe you… muh… ugh… want to get dressed."

I snorted, shaking my head.

"Consider us even for the groping when you showed up," I snickered.

Noire gave a long groan, desperately clenching her eyes shut.

"I wish you hadn't brought that up while you were naked," she sobbed.

"Your fault," I shrugged, leaning around her again. "Any more comments from the peanut gallery!?"

"I am expecting you to replace that latch before I move into that room!" Virion called to Noire, laughing.

"Ya got some nice tackle there, boss!" Gaila cat-called.

Olivia screeched something incomprehensible from behind the corner.

I just rolled my eyes.

"Borf," Archer added.

"And on that note, I'm getting dressed," I said.

I hesitated, my body turned towards the door now giving me a little more sense of confidence.

"Oh, and Virion?" I called over my shoulder.

"Yes, General?" he asked. "Would you like some personal grooming tips? I can advise you now, you should at least trim your-"

"Before Noire is officially transferred to my command," I said, cutting him off, "I'd like you to assign her to punishment detail for insubordination. Discipline is, of course, paramount."

I waited just long enough to catch the start of Gaila's cackle and see Noire's jaw drop before I pushed the door open, finding Lucina with both hands clamped over her mouth, tears in her eyes as she struggled to stifle her giggles.

I just sighed and kicked the door closed with my heel.

Sometimes I genuinely wondered just how much I'd miss this place.

---

My mouth was open in a wide yawn as Lucina and I stepped out of the barracks, which turned into an irritated hiss as the early morning sunlight assaulted my eyes. Archer, present two steps behind me as always, gave an exited bark and rushed off into the yard, the big dog shoulder-checking my knee and almost knocking me on my ass as he did so. Lucina just chuckled, and I gave her a sidelong glare.

"I'm a night-owl," I huffed.

"I've noticed," she smiled.

In front of us a small train of carriages and wagons were being prepared, a large knot of priests and clerics wearing oddly-heavy boots and cloaks for people in their professions. No doubt Celeste was somewhere in the huddle, preaching or smiling or whatever else it was that god-touched zealots did.

At least they weren't whipping themselves. Or smacking themselves with boards. Yet.

I spotted Anna and Olivia going over some last minute paperwork, and could hear Gaila and Flavia laughing from somewhere on the other side of the wagons. I noticed, then, that there were a lot of Feroxi still hanging around, and guessed Flavia had decided to head back north with me. They all had the same crest that I'd seen on some of Flavia's stuff decorating shields and tunics, and I figured they were probably just her household guard. Or whatever the Feroxi called it.

I felt a little miffed that she hadn't said anything, but then I remembered that I'd had my head either filled with work or firmly buried between Lucina's breasts or thighs for the last few days; Flavia probably hadn't had the chance.

I jumped a little when I felt thin, strong fingers slip into my hand.

"I guess… this is it," Lucina said softly.

"Yup," I sighed. "Back to work. Back to the mission."

We were silent for a moment, watching the bustle of people around us, before I shrugged and grinned.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted," I said.

I spoke with forced cheer, trying to make this easier. We'd both known this wasn't anything like 'true love', just a release of three years of sexual tension between us. Still sucked to have to go our separate ways like this, though. And so soon after we'd finally started fucking.

It was a royal waste.

Pun intended.

"Indeed," Lucina chuckled wanly. "You were a lovely distraction."

"Oh, so I was just a distraction, then," I laughed.

"Oh shut up, you drama queen," Lucina laughed, squeezing my hand a little.

We stood there a moment longer, just smiling at each other, before Lucina's became somewhat more melancholicy. She released my hand and stepped back.

"We both knew what this was," she said.

"Yup," I said brightly. "And it was an awesome distraction. You're a real demon in the sack-"

I cut off, grunting as something smacked me in the hip.

"I did not need to hear that!" Severa growled.

She waddled past me, a heavy trunk in her arms no doubt full of clothes she'd bought in the capital. To my interior horror, Cynthia followed the redhead with another smaller trunk, glaring daggers at me the entire time until she'd passed. Lucina gave a hearty laugh, shaking her head and pulling me aside under the awning in front of the barracks so we were out of the way.

"At least it was never boring around here," she said with a smile.

"Yeah," I sighed. "And it occurs now that we're gonna be even busier once we get to Valm. No time for distractions."

As I spoke, I glared at the backs of the two women packing Severa's stuff tightly into the wagon that had all my own gear on it. Precious little of 'my gear' actually filled the wagon, though, buried under everyone else's crap.

"Oh?" Lucina asked coquettishly. "Was this little distraction not enough?"

"Don't get me wrong, it was great," I shrugged. "But I… uh… tend to get carried away when I'm with you."

"You'll hear no complaints from me," Lucina laughed.

"Yeah, but I forget that there's other stuff we could be doing," I sighed. "Weird positions, using toys… hell, we never even did it up the butt."

Lucina gasped, scandalised, and took a big step away from me. I grinned, quietly thanking whatever deity would listen that no one else had apparently heard that.

"Ben, that is filthy!" she hissed.

"Oh, come on, Luce," I laughed. "There isn't an inch of your body that's filthy."

"You cannot… I wouldn't…" Lucina stammered.

The princess glared at me for a moment, before blushing and looking away.

"You can do that?" she asked eventually.

"With enough lube, anything's possible," I snickered.

"Does it… even feel good?" she asked quietly.

"I like giving, but not so much the receiving," I shrugged. "A lot of people either love it or hate it. I've never met a partner that was in the middle."

Lucina frowned, looking at me thoughtfully for a moment before sighing.

"No, we don't have enough time to try it," I laughed.

"I know," she muttered, blushing again.

We stood there a moment longer, before Lucina shook her head.

"Well, I suppose I should gather my things and head to the Shephard's Barracks then," she said brightly. "Before you fill my head with any further licentious thoughts."

"You won't be alone at the barracks," I told her. "I assigned a bunch of the best from First Platoon to them as a liaison group. Tennabree's leading them, so at least you'll have someone to talk to."

"I am taking Cynthia, too," Lucina reminded me. "Although, it is nice to know we will not be surrounded by unfamiliar faces."

I nodded, sighing as I glanced out over the crowd of people getting ready to leave. It would be good to get out on the road again, to see the open countryside and…

"Ben," Lucina said slowly, stepping past me. "What is going on over there?"

I craned my neck to look around one of the wagons, seeing a small knot of people talking with one of the soldiers. A vaguely familiar form was speaking with one of the guards, and…

Then I remembered I wasn't wearing my glasses.

I groaned a little as I fished out the spectacles Miriel had made for me to assist with paperwork, holding them up in front of my eyes for a better look. I knew they were reading glasses and weren't exactly meant for long-distance, but every little bit helped. I made a small sound of approval before tucking them back into my jacket pocket, then began to walk over.

"I was wondering when they would get here," I said with a small grin.

After all, 'Operation: Hearts and Minds' never really ends.

Lucina shot me a questioning look before falling into step beside me. As we passed through the crowd of people loading wagons, many of whom were slowing to watch and see what was happening, I realised that the 'small knot' of people actually extended some way back into the street opposite the barracks.

There, at the very front of the group, talking with a very perplexed and uncomfortable looking soldier and holding a glinting jewelled ring up under his nose, was the young blonde girl I had met singing in the slums.

"Lilly!" I said happily. "I was wondering when you were going to get here! Are these all the people who want to head north, too?"

The blind girl jumped a little, turning her head in my vague direction before smiling. The woman beside her, about a foot taller and with her long blonde hair tied back in a tight bun, goggled at me, her jaw dropping.

"I don't believe it," the older woman said. "Naga take my soul, she was telling the truth…"

The older woman had a small bag slung over her shoulder, and it didn't look particularly full. Lilly carried her hurdy gurdy in a beaten old case, but otherwise the two women didn't have anything else but the clothes on their backs.

"Ah, you must be the sister," I said, smiling. "It's nice to meet you. Glad to see you both looking well."

"As well as can be, milord," Lilly said, giggling a little. "I can scarcely believe this is really happening! Oh, your ring, sir."

As she spoke she thrust her hand out in my direction, and I took my ring back. As I slid it back on my finger I sighed.

"Much better," I said exaggeratedly. "I felt naked without it."

Lilly giggled again, but her sister dropped a clumsy curtsey.

"Your Grace, it, ah, I mean… I am Lavender, and it's…" she stammered uncertainly.

I quirked a brow, looking up as the crowd of disabled slowly, almost shyly, shuffled forward. There was a lot of amputees and crutches that I could see, as well as a fair few blind people being led by what I assumed were family or friends. There were also a lot of what looked like orphans and abandoned elderly mixed into the crowd, as well as some hunched and hooded forms that were clearly healthy people playing at being cripples. Probably criminals, prostitutes running from pimps, highwaymen… or, maybe just people genuinely looking for a better life.

I could sort all that out later.

At the back of the group, though, I spotted something I hadn't been expecting to see; clearly separated from the rest of the group were four people, swathed in dirty bandages and loose robes, limped along at the back of the procession, even their faces covered.

Lepers.

'Untouchables'.

Or the local equivalent, anyway. I hadn't thought that Ylisse would have any, but I wasn't about to turn them away, either.

"Ben, what is going on?" Lucina asked.

I realised then that everyone had stopped to look at me, and there was a heavy, expectant silence hanging in the air. Most of the soldiers I'd conscripted to help load up were looking on in confusion or weary acceptance of whatever new work was about to come their way, but a few looked out over the crowd with guarded, curious or even pitying expressions. Some, to my frustration, even wore expressions of disgust.

Then it hit me.

"Oh dear lord Naga I forgot to mention this to anyone," I sighed.

Lucina groaned and face-palmed, but Lilly gave a small giggle. The soldiers looked back and forth between each other, many just shrugging and going back to work, no doubt just used to my eccentricities by now. Some still side-eyed the crowd, but most just accepted it.

Unfortunately, this had a negative effect among the small crowd of the disabled, many of whom either moaned in despair, started weeping or sighed and deflated in defeat. Seeing this, I waved over a young private carrying a crate, and motioned him set it down beside me. He did so without comment, grinning a little as I shooed him away, all without exchanging words. Lucina was still watching me with open curiosity as I stepped up on the crate, put two fingers in my mouth, and gave a piercing whistle. Lilly flinched and angled her head away from me at the sound, a reaction I filed away for later.

"Alright everyone, listen up!" I shouted, cupping my hands around my mouth. "All of you disabled, gather along the front of the square here so we know how many to make room for! If you have any luggage or equipment, keep that with you, too! Sergeant! Where's the… ah, good. You and your men are in charge of making sure every single one of these people gets on a wagon! We're walking! Olivia! We may need more from the First's pool! Can you help with that, please! Celeste! Sister Celeste, I need-"

I gave a strangled yelp as I was suddenly pulled off the crate, an irate Gaila giving me a furious single-eyed glare.

"What in the hells do ya think yer doin!?" she asked hotly.

"Isn't that my line, henchman?" I asked cooly. "I'm just doing the same thing I did for the refugees, and, may I remind you, you 'former high risk traders'."

I swatted her hand off my sleeve, before making a show of patting invisible dust off it.

"Ya can't just spring this on me, boss!" she snapped. "We need to plan provisions at the very least! And these people are all… all… they're all useless!"

Silence descended over the excited muttering of the crowd, and even Lilly seemed to deflate a little. I had to make an effort not to snap at Gaila; I had known this decision would be controversial, perhaps even divisive, but I'd been hoping at least the people closest to me would back me up.

Then I remembered I hadn't mentioned this, so no one was primed to deal with it.

Instead of exploding, I took a deep breath, before I reached up and rapped the back of my knuckles against Gaila's mask.

"Rich coming from you, cyclops," I pointed out.

She flushed, slapping my hand away.

"Never touch the mask," she said, her tone low and dangerous. "I just lost an eye, not…"

I just shrugged when she trailed off. Deciding a show of my reasoning was in order, I shook my head and stepped away from my angry assistant, marching towards the crowd. With an angry huff, Gaila began to follow, and Lucina brought up the rear.

"You!" I said, pointing. "Did you have a job?"

The man I pointed at, a haggard looking man with a thick grey beard jumped a little. He sat on a small cart, a tired, thin young boy behind him clinging to a wooden handle, the old man's legs gone from halfway down his thighs.

"Y-yes, Yer Grace," he said quickly.

"What was it?" I asked.

"I was a stonemason, sir," he said, looking down. "Was how I lost me legs; slab fell and crushed em. After thirty years, Naga abandoned me. Lucky I got out alive, gangrene nearly finished me."

"Oh, an experienced stonemason?" I said, looking pointedly at Gaila. "Of thirty years? Sounds like the perfect kind of person to supervise projects or even apprentices, doesn't it? Would you be willing to do that if I organised it? To make a living again?"

"Of course, Yer Grace!" he said, straightening immediately. "I… I'd be mighty proud ta serve ya!"

I nodded, moving on to a woman a few steps away from him, missing an arm. She stood alone, clutching a patched sack to the chest of her threadbare dress in her remaining arm.

"Did you have a job?" I asked her.

"Aye, Your Grace," she said in a small voice. "I was an alewife. Before I, uh, was clipped by a carriage. Took my arm clean off."

"And suddenly I'm banning carriages and wagons in my city markets," I smirked. "Henchman! Write that down! And you! Were you any good at it? The ale making?"

"I… I like to think so," she said, smiling back a tiny bit. "But… I couldn't stir my brew with only one arm, and made a bad batch… so my landlord kicked me out."

"That's it?" I asked incredulously. "So if I found you an assistant to do some manual labor, you could make me unlimited beer!?"

"As… long as I had the ingredients, Your Grace," she said, a hint of laughter in her voice.

I spun, looking back to the soldiers.

"Sergeant! Get this woman on a wagon right goddamned now!" I snapped, pointing out a random soldier.

This brought forth some laughs from the disabled crowd, and I spun back to them.

"Are there any other cooks or alewives!?" I shouted.

A few calls of yes came back.

"Any more stonemasons!? Brick makers!? Lumberjacks!?" I added. "Farmers, carpenters, labourers!?"

A lot more positive answers this time. All these were fairly dangerous professions, so it wasn't surprising that many of the maimed were from them, but their experience could prove invaluable. Especially with the unskilled refugees, all willing to work, too.

"Are all of you willing to work!?" I shouted, louder now. "Are you willing to make your own way through life if someone gives you a chance!?"

"YES!" came the response.

"Are you useless!?" I practically thundered.

"NO!" they shouted back.

"Then get your asses to the front of the square and get ready to travel!" I told them.

A great cheer went up from the crowd as I turned to grin smugly at Gaila, who looked like she was torn between wanting to hug me and strangle me. Beside her, Lucina looked on in slack-jawed awe as the crowd of the disabled began to file past us, looking around as if suddenly in a dream.

"Oh, and you able-bodied ones trying to hide in the crowd," I added, cupping my hands to shout louder over the excited crowd. "Yes, I see you! You help out, too! You want north, you start working now!"

"Boss, yer insane," the ex-pirate said eventually. "I'm glad yer the one paying for this, but… yer right. They ain't useless. I… wasn't lookin' at it from their side. Though I am still pissed I have to go make so many more preparations for the extra bodies, though."

"Shouldn't be too hard, most of us only have half of one," the alewife I had been speaking to before said as she finally walked past us.

This brought a snort of laughter from Gaila and a round of laughs from everyone nearby that heard it.

On a whim I reached out and stopped the woman, wrapping my hand around her remaining bicep and gently pulling her a few steps back. She flinched, but still had the courage to make eye contact.

"You," I said to her. "I meant what I said. I want that ale. Go stand with the blondes over there, you're officially hired."

Her jaw dropped, and she blinked in astonishment a few times.

"You've never had my brew," she said slowly. "You don't even know if it's any good. You… you don't even know my name."

I slapped my forehead with the heel of my palm before grinning at the woman.

"You're right, where are my manners?" I said, bowing. "My name is Duke Ben of Baham, milady, but you seem to have me at a disadvantage."

Then, I gently took the bundle from her arms and placed it on the ground, taking her remaining hand and placing a lingering kiss on the back of it. I didn't hesitate to do so, earning more giggles from her.

The tales of 'Ben the Ladykiller' would probably now continue…

"My… my name is Sophie, Your Grace," she said, stepping back and dropping a one-handed curtsey.

"Sophie, a pleasure," I laughed. "Now, go stand with the blonde women over there, please. You'll all ride in my carriage."

Her jaw dropped again for a moment, before she nodded and hefted her bundle of belongings again. Quickly, as if waiting for me to change my mind, she rushed over to where Lilly and Lavender were waiting for me. I turned to Lucina and Gaila, shrugging and grinning.

"You tryin' to be made a Saint or somethin'?" Gaila chuckled.

"You think I'm doing this just in the name of 'altruism'?" I asked.

I had lowered my voice so that we were less likely to be overheard, and stepped closer to the two women.

"We already have a city of unskilled workers in the north," I explained. "Farmers, serfs, servants, and once the habitation projects are done, there won't be any work for them, and there's just not enough farmland in Baham to accommodate them all."

"And you think addin' more fuel to the fire'll make the problem better?" Gaila asked seriously.

Lucina just looked on curiously, and I felt like I was being judged somehow.

"Didn't you hear them?" I asked. "A lot of them are skilled workers. They can pass on those skills, give those we don't put on farms skills to make a living. It won't fix the problem, but it's a start."

The ex-pirate sighed softly out her nose before nodding, and Lucina's expression softened a little.

"Alright, I see yer point," Gaila said eventually.

"Go find Anna," I told Gaila. "Tell her I'll pay double the rate if she helps out. And before you ask, yes, there's a bonus in it for you, too."

The ex-pirate grinned and clapped her hands together.

"Why didn't ya open with that?" she said brightly. "By yer leave, 'Yer Grace'."

"Ugh, don't start," I groaned.

As Gaila turned away, a thought rose to mind. A line I'd read in a book, that had stuck with me. It seemed oddly fitting right now, so…

"Henchman," I said, before Gaila could leave.

She turned back, her visible eyebrow rising when I stepped towards her.

"I won't be haunted by all the good I didn't do," I told her softly.

The ex-pirate's face broke into a small, genuine smile, unlike her habitual roguish grin.

"You come up with that line yourself?" she asked.

"Read it in a book," I shrugged, winking at Lucina.

Thank you, Graham McNeil, I thought to myself.

Gaila just shook her head and laughed as she disappeared into the crowd. Lucina was smiling at me brightly now with shining eyes, and she shook her head.

"You are either insane or incredible," she said.

"A little of column aA, a little of column bB," I said. "You better get out of here before it gets any busier."

Lucina laughed and nodded, stepping forward and giving me a warm hug. On reflex, I leaned up to place a kiss on her forehead. She chuckled a little as she stepped back.

"Oh, and I guess you were right after all," I laughed.

She frowned, quirking her head a little.

"I guess… there are still good people in the world," I said softly. "You won that old bet."

Lucina blinked a few times before comprehension dawned on her face a moment later, and she gave a bright, sparkling laugh.

"I admit I had forgotten about that silly wager," she said.

"You get one 'I told you so', alright?" I huffed.

"Was it even a real bet?" she asked.

"Maybe?" I said, rubbing my beard a little. "Ugh, god, I don't even remember."

Lucina chuckled, practically skipping forward to plant a kiss on my cheek. Then she leaned up a little further to whisper in my ear.

"I told you so."

"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving her off. "Go on, get outta here."

Lucina laughed as she skipped back, smiling brightly.

"Until we meet again, then," she said.

Then, with one last lingering look, she was gone in the crowd.

I sighed out my nose, feeling a keen sense of almost stinging loss at the parting. Sure, it was only supposed to be a fling, but that wasn't all; Lucina had been an almost-constant part of my life for nearly three years now, maybe more. I'd miss her, and I didn't have a problem admitting it.

I told myself that it was just because all my other fuck-buddies had settled down and gone monogamous, and that now I'd have to find a new one.

It helped. A little.

"Wonder how Severa feels about one night stands…" I muttered, turning back to the work…

"I heard you call for me, milord?"

… and almost walking into Celeste. I gave a high-pitched yelp as I jumped back, astutely aware I was hardly giving the best impression of control or nobility to the crowd today. The cleric stood, smiling her usual beatific smile, a quartet of war priests behind her carrying heavy axes.

"Don't sneak up on me like that," I sighed.

"Apologies, milord," Celeste said.

I eyed the war priests warily, the four men looking back at me with expressions varying from curiosity to what looked like (but I hoped wasn't) blind devotion.

"What's with the extra protection?" I asked.

Celeste actually frowned as she sighed, looking annoyed for the first time since we'd met.

"My… fellows insisted I needed protection," she said, sounding embarrassed.

"Welcome to my world," I scoffed. "Well, I'm glad you're here. Can you have your people help with the refugees, please? I only voluntold a single squad to help us load up, and now there's a lot more work."

Celeste's expression immediately brightened, and I almost had to look away from the blinding adoration. Clearly, someone was glad to have something to do; or, rather, a way to prove their usefulness.

"Of course, milord," she said quickly. "It is our purpose to help our countrymen in need. Truly, it was Naga's will to bring us into your service."

"Stop kissing ass or I'm not letting your lot take over the church in Baham," I deadpanned.

The four war priests exchanged silent glances, and Celeste's expression dimmed a little.

"Milord, I am only a cleric," she explained sadly. "I cannot hold a role any higher than this. And… I would remind you that I have been excommunicated."

"Don't care, you wanna follow me around, you deal with it," I said flippantly. "Start a new sect for all I care. Helman's been on my ass about replacing the Bishop that died before I took over for literal years now. And if you cry, I'm shoving that staff down your throat."

Celeste laughed, the sound like wind chimes it was so pure, before turning to one of the war priests.

"Wil, do you mind informing the rest of the congregation of our new task?" she asked.

"Of course… Sister Superior," he said, grinning cheekily.

"Oh, hush you," she said, blushing.

The War Priest just chuckled as he moved off, the three remaining clearly trying not to laugh as well as Celeste glared at them. Clearly, they liked her a lot more than they liked me.

"Okay, there's one more thing," I told her.

I turned back to the city again, looking directly at the four lepers that had hesitated well back from the rest of the refugees. Two of the War Priests visibly flinched, but Celeste nodded.

"I am not surprised you would not abandon these poor, blighted souls, either," she said softly.

"It's just an infection," I shrugged. "As long as they wear a mask to cover their faces and breath there's no problem. It's really not that contagious; even touch doesn't actually spread it. Common misconception."

Celeste looked at me in surprise, and I shrugged.

"Ylisse isn't the only place that has the disease," I told her.

I glanced over my shoulder as I felt a gentle tap. To my surprise, Sophie had stepped forward, looking furtively around me and glaring at the four lepers.

"Milord," Sophie whispered harshly. "You cannot allow these… unclean ones to come with us! They are-"

"It's a minor infection that can be treated with regular cleaning and care," I said, rolling my eyes. "Don't worry, I just act stupid. I know what I'm doing, okay? Trust me. Please."

The alewife looked up at me for a moment, before nodding and stepping back. She glanced disapprovingly at the lepers again, before heading back to the two waiting sisters.

I was starting to think maybe she wasn't as timid as her first impression had suggested.

We approached the lepers then, myself far more readily than the four priests.

The first thing that hit me was the smell. The reek of unwashed bodies and decay hung around the four lepers, and I stopped a few feet back so I didn't gag. Upon closer inspection their rags and bandages were filthy, stained with blood and pus and grime. One of the lepers had a visible stump where their hand should have been, the others mostly hidden beneath the cloaks and masks.

"Yes, I'm taking you lot, too," I told them before they could speak. "However, there's gonna be some complications with how… nervous people get around your condition."

The four of them exchanged glances, before the one-handed leper shuffled forward a step.

"Your Grace," he said, sounding surprisingly young. "We are honoured. We did not think… you would take us."

He paused to take a wheezing breath.

"Even in the slums, we are pariahs," he said softly.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Carver, Your Grace," he said.

"Carver," I nodded. "Let me be blunt: I'm not afraid of you four. I have a better understanding of your disease than most, and I assure you that as long as you lot keep the masks on you'll be fine. As for what I'm going to do with you in Baham…"

I trailed off, thinking. I didn't actually know what to do with them, now that it came to it.

"I dunno, assembling arrows or copying texts or something," I shrugged. "Something gentle to keep you from hurting yourselves and making things worse."

One of the lepers, a woman judging from her voice, gave a strangled sob. Another one reached out to rest a hand on her shoulder as her head drooped and she trembled.

"You… you would give us work?" Carver asked, his voice a thick whisper.

I shrugged.

"Well, yeah. I'm not bringing you to Baham to sit in the slums," I told them. "I… don't actually think Baham has something we could call 'slums'. Gotta look into that. Guess you'll all work directly for me, to start with, anyway. Yes, with pay and accommodation and the like. Anyway! Celeste, this is Sister Celeste by the way, is going to look after you. Celeste, if you would be so kind, can you find a wagon for these four on their own and have someone from your… uh… flock? Stay with them?"

"I shall do so myself," she said earnestly.

"Great," I said, clapping. "Good. Make sure you and whoever is driving the wagon both wear a mask, too, and nobody cough on anyone else and there'll be no problems. I'll leave y'all to it. I have work to do, so I'll see you in Baham. Oh, wait! Shit, right, uh, Celeste, can you put them up at the Church in the city when y'all get there? Should keep everyone happy, at least short term, yeah? Cool."

I looked back to the lepers then.

"People are gonna still be touchy about you lot, so try and keep some distance," I told them. "We'll work on the whole public perception side of things in Baham, but let me know if any of the soldiers are… acting unnecessarily rude."

With that, I spun on my heel and marched back to where the trio of women I'd hired were waiting, watching the chaos that was my management style. Or listening to it, in Lilly's case.

"Before you three start worrying, no, I'm not 'infected' now or anything, Leprosy really isn't that contagious," I said as I approached. "Come on, let's get you set up."

I paused and quirked a brow as Sophie shuffled back a little, and Lavender moved a little in front of Lilly.

"How do you know?" Sophie asked. "You are no priest or cleric, so…"

I groaned, rolling my eyes dramatically.

"Trust. Me," I said. "We have the disease in my homeland, and we even have a cure for it."

"What!?" Sophie and Lavender both exchanged.

"What… are we talking about?" Lilly asked in confusion.

"Leprosy," I said shortly. "We have it where I'm from, we have a cure and we know how to deal with people who have the condition. So, trust me when I say that things are fine."

I took a few steps past the shocked women, and just as the trio began to tentatively fall in behind me I stopped again.

"Your Grace?" Lavender asked tentatively.

"Don't call me that," I said absently.

I scanned the suddenly much busier column of wagons, eyes narrowing a little.

"Wh-what shall we call you, then?" the older blonde asked.

"Milord?" Lilly chimed in. "That's what he told me."

"Yeah, that works," I said, still looking at the convoy.

"What is the problem, milord?" Sophie asked softly.

"I don't actually know which wagon is mine," I admitted.

The three girls were silent, and I looked back at them with a sheepish expression.

"I'm not actually kidding," I chuckled. "Uh… hm. How do I… ah!"

I perked up suddenly, looking around.

"Su'ko! Front and center!" I called.

The three behind me jumped, then jumped again as the small ninja appeared out of seemingly thin air at my side. I flinched a little, but I was starting to get used to the whole ninja thing.

"Milord," she said, bowing her head a little. "The second carriage from the front is yours. Khan Flavia is next to it."

"Excellent work," I nodded.

Su'ko nodded, eying the three newcomers for a moment before moving to stand protectively at my shoulder. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as I moved towards the carriage that the young ninja had pointed out. Su'ko, of course, dogged my steps the entire way. I'd half expected her to just vanish again, go all Batman on us, but she was apparently starting to feel territorial or something.

We reached the carriage just as Flavia was climbing out of it, ducking beneath the roof before dropping to the ground.

"So we're walking, huh?" she asked.

"See this woman?" I asked, pointing to Sophie. "She makes beer. She doesn't walk."

The alewife gave an embarrassed laugh, one matched by Flavia's much more enthusiastic chuckle.

"Fair enough," the Khan said. "Best we get used to marching now, huh? Soon we'll be doing it Valm."

"Alright ladies, mount up," I said. "Uh, Lilly, do you need a hand? No offense, Sophie."

The alewife just grinned and shook her head before stepping up into the carriage.

"I will be alright," Lilly said with a smile. "I think. Sis-"

"It's right here," Lavender said, guiding the girl to the doorway. "Miss Sophie, can you please take this case?"

Flavia gave me a look that clearly wanted to know why I wasn't doing the gentlemanly thing and helping regardless. I shrugged, indicating that she watch. With absolutely no fuss at all, Lilly stepped into the carriage, ducking her head beneath the roof when her sister told her to, and without incident all three were safely ready to go.

"There? See?" I said.

I believed firmly in taking care of oneself. Of course, that didn't mean not asking for help, but forcing assistance on someone made people uncomfortable at the best of times. After my big 'are you useless' speech I'd just feel like a dick.

Flavia laughed, crossing her arms and leaning one shoulder against the shell of the carriage.

"I've noticed something lately," she said with a grin.

"I do not like that tone of voice," I responded slowly.

"I've noticed that the majority of your staff are women," she said, grin widening. "Your assistant, your new court musician, the officers in your army… hell, even your bodyguard! You wouldn't be… forming a harem, would you?"

I huffed, drawing myself up and looking down my nose at the Khan in a mockery of the noble bearing the upper class used.

"Madam, I do not like what you're implying," I said. "My reasons are all perfectly chaste, thank you very much."

"That fills me with relief," Lavender whispered in the carriage.

"Me, not so much, if I'm honest," Sophie whispered back. "Those shoulders…"

The three women in the carriage shared a conspiratorial giggle, but their volume had been loud enough that I knew I was meant to hear it. I rolled my eyes in the face of Flavia's shit-eating grin, deflating a little.

"Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much," Flavia shot back, using the same style of speech as I had.

I blew her a raspberry, earning more laughter from those assembled.

"I'm too damn busy for…" I trailed off, quirking my head. "Actually, you know what? I take that back. I know you had to put up with listening to me and Luce the last couple days."

"Ooh, it's 'Luce' now, is it?" the Khan laughed. "So, when's the wedding?"

I blew her another raspberry by way of response.

"You cannot embarrass me," I told her. "My brain is too smooth. All your teasing just slides right off."

I turned to look out over the sea of people again, green uniforms mingling with blue now as the Baham soldiers that had escorted Helman started to unmount the wagons. A thought occurred, then, and I froze.

"Uh, I gotta go take care of something," I said over one shoulder. "Don't leave without me."

"Didn't 'Luce' already leave?" Flavia called after me.

I flipped her off over my shoulder in response, earning more laughter as I entered the crowd. I threaded my way through knots of soldiers and refugees, doing my best to ignore the salutes and answer any tearful thanks with a nod, as I made my way back to the barracks building. Once through the scrum, I immediately spotted who I was looking for.

"Tharja!" I called out.

The dark mage stood, holding baby-Noire, in the shadow of the doorway, eying the crowd with barely disguised contempt. At her feet Archer sat, the old dog's tail starting to wag when he heard me. Noire gave a happy, shrill giggle when she spotted me, and I stroked her head when I reached them, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on Noire's forehead. I had to resist the shudder that threatened to break out up my spine at such close proximity to the mage again after so long, but I managed, and stepped back with a small grin. Tharja looked up at me, glaring icily.

"Don't look at me like that," I sighed. "I don't want to move with this many people either. It's gonna take forever to get to Baham now. Is your stuff stowed?"

She nodded slowly, looking back at the crowd.

"I made sure it was in the wagon with the officers' belongings," she said blandly.

"Right, well, come right this way," I said, turning back to the press. "Mother of my kid gets VIP seats."

I stopped after a few steps when I realised she wasn't following me. I turned back, noting the quizzical furrow to her brow.

"It means 'very important person', and I meant that you ride in the fancy carriage," I sighed.

"You could have just said that," she said.

I led Tharja and Archer back to the front of the convoy, actually clearing the way this time rather than trying to slip through the crowd.

I didn't want anyone to step on my dog.

We reached the front where Flavia was talking with Lilly as the girl hung out the window of 'my' carriage, the Khan turning to us.

"Ah, there's my baby niece!" Flavia said excitedly.

Judging from the high-pitched, excited squeal that Noire gave when she spotted the older woman, the girl had already gotten very attached to her adoptive aunt this last week.

Tharja stopped just behind me, looking into the trio already in the carriage, before turning to me.

"Last seat's for the two of you," I said, nodding to Noire. "I'm walking. That's Sophie, she's gonna make my beer; that's Lilly, she's gonna be my 'court minstrel'; and that's Lavender, who… uh… she… comes as a set with Lilly."

"Nice," Flavia snickered.

"Oh, bite me, I'll find her a job," I huffed.

Tharja nodded silently, thrusting Noire out to me. Before I could even move, Flavia had swooped in and collected my laughing child. Tharja just sighed defeatedly out her nose, before climbing up into the carriage. At first I thought that she was being oddly quiet, but then remembered that she was supposed to be kind of awkward around people. Suddenly seating her in a carriage with three total strangers probably wasn't a great idea.

The dark mage turned to Flavia, ready to collect Noire, but the older woman grinned.

"Mind if we walk for a bit?" Flavia asked.

Tharja nodded, sitting woodenly back against the plush cushions of the bench seat in the carriage, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"As you wish," she muttered.

Before I could say anything else, Archer bounded past me and leapt up into the carriage. There were screams and some laughter as the big dog turned back around and got settled, laying on the floor in the narrow space between benches atop all four women's feet. Tharja rolled her eyes, but I could have sworn that I could see the ghost of a smile in the corner of her lips.

Archer looked up at me, tail wagging ever-so-slightly.

"Good dog," I smirked.

No one could resist the old mutt.

---

It was well after lunch by the time we finally moved out. The wagon train, twice the size now with more than half of the First's supply train in tow carrying refugees, trundled along the North Road out of the city, wooden wheels clattering noisily on the cobblestones.

Feroxi clansmen and Baham soldiers marched alongside it in single-file as we passed through the city, the Feroxi singing some fairly bawdy songs at the top of their lungs as crowds came to watch us leave, many bursting into laughter at the singing. There were more than a few that sneered or gave scandalised gasps before turning away from the procession, but I ignored them.

I occasionally gave a small wave whenever someone shouted my name, but otherwise faced forward and tried not to pay the extra attention any mind.

It was like we were a goddamn parade.

At least we didn't have to pass into the fancy nobility part of the city, skirting the edge of the old wall that made up the boundary before heading almost due north.

As we neared the gates to the countryside around the city, though, something caught my eye, and I couldn't help but bark out a laugh. Flavia glanced over curiously, and I grinned and indicated with my chin at what had distracted me.

Flavia snorted before bursting into laughter. Lavender and Sophie glanced out the side of the carriage, bursting into what can only be described as 'girlish' giggles.

"What? What's so funny?" Lilly asked, frowning.

"I'll tell you when you're older," I chuckled.

Tharja just rolled her eyes, sighing out her nose. She tried to hide it, but I could see her jaw quiver a little as she tried to maintain her composure.

There, plastered all over the walls beside us, were a row of recruiting posters.

All featuring a naked Chrom and a naked Sumia, both with their naughty bits artfully covered by the billowing Ylissean flag they were holding between them. The Exalt and Queen of the Halidom of Ylisse, in all their glory.

"Frederick's quite the artist, huh?" I said.

"You knew about this!?" Flavia cackled.

"Of course!" I laughed. "Who do you think told him to put Sumia on the posters, too?"

"Oh my," Sophie gasped, before laughing again.

"Will someone please tell me what you're all laughing at?" Lilly huffed.

"There is a series of recruiting posters depicting nude pictures of Exalt Chrom and Queen Sumia," Tharja deadpanned.

"And they're everywhere," I said evilly.

Lilly went quiet, a blush spreading over her cheeks.

"Oh," was all she said.

"You are an evil, evil man," Flavia chuckled, bumping me with her shoulder.

Shocked laughter and scandalised gasps were spreading through the caravan now, and my grin just widened.

"I know," I said brightly. "This is the greatest day of my life."

And thus did we leave Ylisse Ylisstol behind, surrounded by laughter and high spirits.

---

That evening, as the ever-efficient soldiers assisted the refugees with setting up camp, I sat and yawned in front of a fire pit that some Feroxi warriors had dug the moment Flavia had decided that 'this' was where she and I were camping.

Helman, Jeremiah and the rest of the soldiers of the Second had set up their own shelter in short order, and were now teaching the myriad new followers we had accumulated the finer points of bedding down in the wilderness. To my surprise, the warriors of Regna Ferox had barely hesitated before starting to assist the soldiers, despite the language barrier some of them faced.

Once again, many of the refugees had been moved to grateful tears, which had redoubled as the soldiers on mess-duty began to ladle out the stew that had been prepared for that night's dinner.

For everyone, including me and my own party.

It had actually been pretty good, though.

After we'd finished eating, I'd immediately had Gaila deliver a message to Helman, asking him to send some riders ahead to Baham and warn them of the incoming mass of humanity. Organize some temporary housing, set aside supplies like food and bedding, all that kind of logistical stuff.

I had no idea who would actually do these things, seeing as Helman and Jeremiah were both here, but I just assumed that Helman had some sort of command structure in place he could fob this off onto.

Just as I was starting to relax, something hit the ground at my side. A second, heavier something followed a moment later, and I realised they were a training sword and a buckler.

"I heard you're the reason we have to walk all the way to Baham," Severa said in a low, dangerous tone.

I glanced up at the redhead, her shadow looming over me as she blocked the firelight, looking down on me with an undecidedly unhappy expression.

"Ooh, someone's in trouble," Flavia laughed from across the fire.

"Er, actually, it would be fairer to say that it's the refugees," I pointed out.

"Yes, well, I can't beat all of them up, can I?" she frowned. "So. Get up. Let's do a little 'light sparring'."

"You don't actually work for me, do you?" I asked.

"No," Severa deadpanned.

"And you're not officially in the army," I tried weakly.

"Nope," Severa said, a little more forcefully.

"Which means I can't just order you to go away," I sighed. "Dammit. Fine. I need the exercise, anyway."

Needless to say, that evening as I lay aching in my bedroll, I greatly regretted all my life choices.

---

The next day, the couriers started arriving.

Letters from other nobles, paperwork from Robin, political fallout from the Parliament meeting…

Work.

Even on the road, work had found me.

With an evil grin, Helman had directed the first of the couriers to the 'actual ruler of Baham', and my fate had been sealed.

I would find some way to get the old bastard back, I swore then and there. Subtly. Quietly. In a way that wasn't obvious to him, but every time I looked at would bring me great joy.

There was only one thing I could do.

I had to marry his daughter.

I stopped, vigorously shaking my head a few times to dislodge such rampant stupidity. Not only was she close to half my age, she was also categorized as more like an annoying little sibling in my mind. And once someone was categorized in my mind, it took a lot to shift them. Gaila glanced over at me, smirking a little as I sighed for the umpteenth time that day.

"Everything alright, Boss?" she asked.

"I think Severa hit me in the head too many times last night," I groaned.

"And not in the fun way, huh?" Gaila said, before cackling.

I just groaned again, going back to the forms under my nose.

My assistant and I were walking along the road beside the caravan, working on makeshift clipboards I'd specifically thrown together for the occasion. Su'ko was dutifully darting ahead of us and sweeping aside any stones, sticks, or anything else that could trip us up. Twice, she actually nudged the path of my walking to prevent me stepping into potholes.

I did not pay that girl enough.

Although, I did notice Su'ko 'miss' a few stones that Gaila eventually ended up stumbling on, much to my silent amusement.

I was glaring at the latest supply requestion form from Robin, requesting leave to order more flour and meat for the soldiers in Regna Ferox. Damned soldiers were eating better than me, but I signed off anyway. Let them enjoy fresh food while they could; things would be scarce enough in Valm.

I scratched my signature onto the page, growling under my breath as I splotched at the end with my new fountain pen.

"How the fuck does anyone use these damn things?" I growled.

I jammed the cap back onto the pen before slotting it behind my ear, then began to wave the sheet of parchment around to help the ink spot dry faster. Gaila snickered, but remained otherwise silent as I glared at her over the rims of my glasses.

Thank god I'd had the foresight to ask Miriel for a pair of these things.

I passed the form off to Gaila once it was dry enough, and she placed it at the bottom of her own pile with the other 'finished' stuff. The ex-pirate barely looked up, engrossed in some missive from Yemuel regarding the cannon ammunition he'd already started receiving from Fruford.

The next thing on my agenda was a letter. Personal correspondence from the look of it, with a wax seal on the back of it from one of the dukedoms I hadn't been assed learning about. With a shrug I split the seal with my thumb, unfolding the letter and setting the weird little latch I'd made to hold the papers in place over it.

"Duke Baham, I regret that we have been thus-far unable to swap our anthropological notes," the letter read. I snorted a little at that, struggling to make out the swirling, cursive letters. "I hope that this letter finds you well, and apologize for having to send it so that you would receive it whilst still on the road. I had hoped that we might meet in person before you sally forth on the great task that you have taken upon yourself for our peoples. I feel it is of great importance to our nation, and to our respective territories that we meet to discuss these notes before you depart, and anxiously look forward to your response. Sincerely yours, Duke Geraint Purcell of the Territory of Malka."

I squinted, rereading the letter in confusion. What was so important about 'anthropological notes' that warranted meeting me before I left? Couldn't this wait, or be conducted by post? Or… was this something else?

Either way, I reasoned, if he could get to Baham I was sure I could squeeze in a meeting with the guy. I dimly recalled one of the dukes, one of Burrito's cronies, initially mentioning wanting to swap notes with me before I pissed everyone and their mothers off.

"You got any blank paper, Henchman?" I asked absently.

"Huh? Blanks? Yeah, I got some… somewhere… hold on…" she mumbled.

I blinked a few times at the sudden glare of a pristine sheet of parchment appeared under my nose, Su'ko looing blankly up at me.

"Never mind, Su'ko beat you to it," I chuckled.

I hastily scrawled my return message on it.

"I'm happy to meet with you if you can reach Baham before I leave. Forgive the abruptness bluntness and poor penmanship, I'm literally walking as I write this. Duke Ben of Baham."

"Good enough," I said lazily. "Su'ko, can you please seal this up and bring it to the messenger that brought it? I'm sure he knows where to take it. I definitely don't know where the hell 'Malka' is."

"Central Western territory, separated from the border by a small spit of territory that Themis controls," Gaila said absently.

I shrugged, handing the note over to Su'ko. She glanced up at me, back to the road, and then pointedly back up at me, and I sighed loudly.

"Would it make you feel better if I moved so that Gaila was closer to the outside than me?" I asked the ninja.

"Oy," Gaila grunted.

Su'ko hesitated a moment, before nodding once and holding the note close to her chest.

"I am humbled that you would trust me with your personal correspondence," she said in her whisper-like voice. "I shall return as fast as possible."

We continued to walk a few steps as I went back to my work, but Su'ko hesitated, still looking up at me. I rolled my eyes and sighed again.

"Ugh! Fine!" I said.

I pointedly stomped around to the other side of Gaila, closer to the caravan.

"There, ya happy?" I asked.

I asked to thin air, anyway, as Su'ko had already vanished.

"Should I charge extra for human shield duty?" Gaila snickered.

"Not unless you want me to start doing it regularly," I quipped.

I shook my head, going back to the pile of papers in front of me. The next one was some form regarding conscripting people from Baham for-

I grunted, almost twisting my ankle as I stumbled on a decent sized stone.

This, once more, caused that bitch Gaila to cackle as I brushed it off, and, blushing, returned to my work.

---

I groaned as I all but tossed aside my proto-clipboard, deciding that doing paperwork by firelight to try to get ahead wasn't worth the headache and the damage to my already crappy eyesight. With a long sigh of relief, I took the spectacles off my face and slipped them into my jacket's inner pocket. Then, for good measure, I rubbed at the bridge of my nose.

I hissed, my forefinger and thumb irritating the spots on my nose where the skin was being worn away from me constantly pushing the glasses back up.

"You know, I think I have an ointment that can help with that."

I glanced over at Anna, sitting next to me at that night's campfire, with a deadpan look.

"But not for free, I assume," I said.

Anna giggled, putting her finger to her chin in her family's trademark manoeuvre, and winked at me.

"Now you're getting it," she said, smiling.

"Pass," I sighed again.

"Oh, you're no fun," She huffed.

"All work and no play makes Ben a dull boy," I snickered. "Blegh. I think I need to get laid again."

"Oh no you don't, mister," Anna laughed. "That boat set sail when you turned down my marriage proposal!"

"I didn't mean… oh, forget it," I chuckled. "Just getting to relax and talk a little is already helping. And no, I'm not paying you for it."

Anna snapped her fingers and clicked her tongue.

"Beat me by two seconds," she said.

We both laughed at this, before falling into a companionable silence. After a while, Anna glanced over, a thoughtful frown on her face.

"You know, I should really thank you," she said. "Because of you, I've become one of the family's top earners for the last two years in a row! It's a big deal to break the top ten, and I managed number seven because of all your weird spending."

I blew a raspberry, before tiredly shrugging.

"You're welcome," I said. "I basically paid you most of a Dukedom's yearly budget, so I'm not surprised. I should be thanking you, though. You've done so much to make all this… 'weird stuff' possible."

"But not for free," Anna winked.

"No," I laughed. "Not for free."

We lapsed back into silence for a moment, before I glanced up from the fire again.

"You want a job?" I asked. "Like, an official one? Not just freelance work?"

Anna hummed, tapping her chin with one finger.

"I dunno," she said. "It depends. I make a pretty penny on commission rates alone."

"Trust me, I've noticed," I deadpanned.

"What job would this be?" she asked seriously.

"Treasurer of the Dukedom of Baham?" I shrugged. "You're better with finances than I could ever be, and I know you Annas do tend to settle down on occasion. So, what do you say?"

"Do I get special perks? To live in the castle? Run things the way I want? Resign when I want?" she said, shooting off the questions rapid-fire.

"You get done what I ask and you can do whatever the hell else you want," I chuckled. "There's no one in the world I'd trust more with my finances than an Anna, and this particular Anna especially."

I finished by indicating to the redhead with a lazy wave of my hand, and she actually blushed a little.

"You know what? Hell with it," Anna said excitedly. "Deal!"

I held out my hand and she shook it enthusiastically.

"Welcome to the team, Treasurer," I said, smiling.

And just like that, my 'Court' gained another member.

---

With a jagged flourish I scratched my signature onto the latest requisition form Robin had sent to me, the sixth one that day. I gave a low growl in the back of my throat as I held the paper out to Gaila, my assistant not even looking up as she took it and placed it in her 'out' pile.

"Oh, quit complaining. You wanna sit in the fancy chair, you have to put in the work."

I glanced up as Flavia chuckled. The three of us were ambling along beside the caravan, Su'ko dutifully clearing the road ahead of us as we marched and did paperwork simultaneously. I groaned, stretching my arms above my head and feeling something pop in my back.

How doing paperwork while walking on the road could make my back even more sore than being hunched over a desk all day, I would never know.

"Excuse me for being male and not having the ability to multitask," I huffed.

"Yer excused," Gaila mumbled.

Flavia laughed as I glanced over at my assistant with a frown. She didn't even notice, too busy reading whatever form was in front of her nose and chewing on the end of her pen to notice. The Khan rapped her knuckles on the back of her own little cobbled-together clipboard, a small sheaf of Feroxi correspondence stuck to it.

"Gotta say, though, that these are a good idea," she said.

"Necessity is the mother of invention," I sighed. "Although, I don't feel good about it."

Flavia laughed and slapped me on the shoulder with the clipboard.

"Beats having to make camp two hours early to do it all before bed," she said with a grin.

"This is exactly why I told Chrom I didn't want to be in charge!" I growled. "I was perfectly happy playing mercenary, but no, that sanctimonious prick just had to put me in charge of an entire goddamned dukedom and GOD DAMMIT GAILA STOP LAUGHING AT ME!"

The ex-pirate began to stagger, zigzagging along beside us as she roared with laughter. Flavia gave a few chuckles at the woman's antics, but placed a comforting hand on my shoulder when she saw I was still glaring at my assistant. I sighed and shook my head.

"The people who want to be in charge are usually the ones least suited for it," Flavia said sagely. "Even I only took the top job to stop my rival from getting it. He was my second cousin, and a raging narcissist. He probably would have launched an attack on Western Regna Ferox when Valm invaded, just for fun."

"I hate politics," I groaned.

"You get used to it," Flavia said apologetically.

We walked on in silence for a little while, Flavia going back to her own correspondence as I simply watched the flow of people walking alongside the wagons and carts.

Although we had room for almost all of the refugees, we still had to rotate through the more ambulant ones to make sure they all got a chance to ride and rest. I'd make the soldiers march across the country, sure, but that was because I knew they were fit, healthy and well-fed. All things that I was positive the refugees weren't.

A familiar sound caught my attention just as Gaila managed to catch up to us, still wearing a shit-eating grin on her face.

An exhausted, harried looking young woman was struggling with a wailing infant, her straw-blonde hair a disaster and her clothes all askew from the kid's flailing. The child only looked to be a few months old, but those little bastards could still flop around when they wanted to. I felt bad for her, truth be told, and…

I glanced down at my clipboard, then back up at the woman.

"Hello distraction," I muttered.

Just as Gaila finally reached my side I shoved my clipboard into her arms, and she fumbled as she tried to balance it on top of her own.

"What's wrong?" Flavia asked.

"Nothing, don't worry," I said.

I definitely wasn't about to tell her and Gaila that I'd just spotted the perfect way to get out of having to do paperwork, at least for a little while.

I drifted over to the struggling mother, Flavia and Gaila following with curiosity. The woman was so absorbed with trying to quiet her child that she didn't even notice us, and I realized that her pace had slowed considerably compared to the rest of the walking refugees.

And we were already moving at a veritable crawl, so that was saying something.

My paternal instincts, so long ignored by my own shitty behavior during Noire's infancy, had kicked in.

"Need a hand?" I asked.

The tired woman looked up as I came alongside her, and I was startled at just how young she looked.

The feeling of being startled was obviously shared, judging from the way her jaw dropped when she saw who was talking to her.

"Your Grace! I-" she started to say.

Whatever else the woman was going to tell me was cut off by the strangled squawk she gave as a tiny fist flew up and smacked her in the chin.

I hissed in sympathy, and the poor woman looked like she was coming close to tears.

"Here," I said, holding my arms out. "Let me carry the kid for a while. Give you a break."

The woman stumbled, before she caught herself and began to quickly shake her head. The sudden movements just made her child scream louder again. A few of the closest refugees glanced our way at the commotion, many doing a double-take as they processed the scene.

"Your… milord, I… that is, I can…" she stammered, bouncing the screaming child against her chest.

"I have a kid of my own," I laughed. "I promise I'm trained well enough not to drop them. What's your name?"

"I… it's… I'm, um, Beatrice, Your Grace," she said awkwardly.

"May I help you, Beatrice?" I asked again. "You look like you could use a rest."

Beatrice looked down at the child guiltily for a moment before taking a shuddering breath.

"Your Grace, I do not wish to impose," she said quickly. "But I would… I could really use a few moments to collect myself."

I nodded, gently taking the squirming kid and holding them to my chest. Beatrice took a long, shuddering breath, her shoulders sagging a little in relief.

"What's the kid's name?" I asked.

The refugee woman actually blushed at the question, and I quirked a brow as she began to busy herself straightening her clothes and hair.

"It's… ah… I named him…" she stammered before trailing off.

Her face blazed crimson as she stared pointedly at the road directly before her feet.

"I named him… Ben," she admitted.

This got another laughing fit out of Gaila, one that Flavia joined in on for a few moments as I sighed.

"It has begun!" the Khan snickered.

I looked down at the kid, his red face and wet eyes twisted as he continued to cry.

"I'm so sorry, kid," I muttered to him.

"I'm sorry, Your Grace!" Beatrice said quickly. "Should I not have… I didn't mean to offend…"

"It's fine," I sighed. "I'm honored, really."

Beatrice nodded mutely, watching as the kid began to struggle in my arms now.

"He's… he's usually much better behaved!" she said. "But I don't think he's been sleeping well while we've been travelling. Here, let me take him back. Just the chance to fix my hair was more than enough, Your Grace, thank you."

I chuckled, bouncing the kid against my own chest a little now. I looked down at the crying baby, and our eyes met. He quieted a little, looking up at me in confusion as he continued to whine.

"Cranky because he's sleepy, huh?" I asked. "I know how that feels. Hold on a sec, I got just the thing for him."

I passed the baby back to his mother, then quickly set about opening my jacket.

"Please tell me you're not about to try to feed the kid," Flavia snickered.

"Oh, please tell me ya are," Gaila added.

"Ha. Ha. Funny," I deadpanned. "No, you harpies, I'm gonna show you a family child rearing secret passed down to me from my father."

My jacket open now, I gently took the baby back and pressed him against my thin tunic, just over my heart. I just hoped it was thin enough to have the proper effect…

As the three women watched on, the child settled a little more as he rested against me. I looked back up, giving a shocked Beatrice a lopsided grin.

"Secret my dad always told me," I explained. "Whenever we couldn't sleep as babies, he'd lay down and put us on his chest. Apparently, it would just make us pass right out. Something about the heartbeat."

"Holy crap you actually can parent when you want to," Gaila said in mock-surprise.

I just turned my head and blew her a raspberry.

"Your Grace, I… I don't know what to say," Beatrice said.

"Do you mind if I carry him for a little while?" I asked.

"Of… of course not!" she said quickly. "I mean, if it does not inconvenience you! I would never presume…"

At his mother's worried stammering, Baby-Ben started to whine and squirm a little against my chest.

"It's perfectly fine," I told her, before glancing back down. "And you need to stop being so fussy, huh?"

The kid just whined again, and I sighed.

It was time to bring out the big guns; the thing that had always lulled Noire back to sleep in the few times I'd taken care of her in those early days.

I took a deep breath, swallowed my embarrassment and prayed that no one would hear me…

As I started to gently sing to the baby.

"Home is behind,

The world is ahead,

And there are many paths to tread.

Through shadow,

To the edge of night,

Until the stars are all alight.

Mist and shadow,

Cloud and shade,

All shall fade,

All shall fade."

The kid was out like a light before I even stopped singing.

"Damn I'm good," I muttered.

"Your Grace, that was…" Beatrice said breathlessly.

"Firstly, yes, I'm sorry, I know I'm a bad singer," I chuckled softly. "And secondly, please, if you have to call me anything, just call me 'milord'."

The young woman nodded, letting out a long breath and blinking quickly. I glanced over my shoulder, starting to blush a little as I realized that Flavia and Gaila had definitely heard that…

My jaw dropped at what I saw.

Gaila was looking away, and I watched as she cleared her throat and rubbed at her good eye with the back of her knuckles.

Flavia, though, smiled radiantly at me as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"That was beautiful," she said softly.

"Ugh," I groaned, feeling the blush spread across my whole bald head.

"I mean it," the older woman chuckled.

She placed her free hand gently on my back, still smiling down at me.

"I told you about the clan, and how we worship Naga as the Divine Songstress, right?" Flavia asked.

"Yes?" I said slowly.

"Well, as the head of the clan, consider me very impressed," she finished, gently patting my back.

"That… was really good, Your… ah, milord," Beatrice added.

I huffed, gently readjusting the kid against my chest.

"Stop complimenting me before you wake the kid," I mumbled to no one in particular.

There was a moment of quiet, before Gaila spoke up.

"I'm still makin' ya do the rest of this paperwork, though."

"Ugh. Later."

---

Another evening, as we reached the foothills that led into the more elevated and mountainous region of Baham, I sat in a huddle between Noire and Flavia by the fire. The nights were getting colder the further north we got, and like a lot of the refugees, I was starting to curse the colder weather.

"You know, you'd think that the two of you would be used to the cold by now," Flavia laughed. "Two generations of Baham Dukes and all."

"Too long in the south," Noire and I said at the same time, huddling beneath the same blanket to try and share body warmth.

Archer huffed, the old dog curled up on our feet. If the old mutt hadn't taken to sleeping next to Tharja, squeezing baby-Noire between them and keeping her warm, I'd be constantly tying the dog to my side as a heater.

I'd known Tharja wouldn't be able to resist Archer's presence for long. The dog was just so earnest and loveable; it was hard to believe he had once been a hunting hound, or had torn the throats out of pirates only a few weeks ago when we'd rescued Emm.

Although, it felt like a lifetime ago now.

"Don't worry," Flavia said with a grin. "A few weeks marching in Regna Ferox ought to toughen you up."

"Joy," Noire and I both deadpanned, again at the same time.

Flavia and the others laughed, all huddled up and close to the fire themselves except for the Khan that had adopted me. Lilly and Lavender, much like myself and Noire, were huddled up under a blanket together, while Sophie had managed to drape her own blanket over her shoulder so that she could hold it closed with her one remaining hand. Severa had already retired to bed, no doubt nestled up among all the fluffy blankets I knew she'd bought in Ylisstol and refused to share. Gaila had disappeared the moment Anna had taken the paperwork out of her hands, and Anna wore her own blanket almost like a shawl, sitting hunched over a sheaf of papers as she tried to make sense of my 'accounting' for the Dukedom.

Apparently, I'd been shit at it.

Which, to be fair, was to be expected. I had been a Literature major, after all.

Lord only knew where Jeremiah and Helman were.

To my surprise and pleasure, both men had been treating this trip as a sort of army op cross training exercise since the expedition had begun. The honor guard Helman had brought only equalled roughly two squads and a few specialists, but damned if he wasn't putting them all through their paces. The Feroxi warriors had even joined in on a lot of combat and tracking exercises, to my even greater pleasure.

"Hey baby-bro," Flavia said.

I quirked a brow at her more serious tone.

"I'm not that much younger than you," I stated. "Although, it is nice to finally not be the oldest one in any given setting."

"Did you just call her old?" Noire gasped theatrically.

"Ow, my feelings," Flavia laughed.

"What do you want?" I groaned.

Flavia took a moment before responding, her grin dropping to a more serious expression.

"Far be it for me to tell you how to rule your territory," she said. "But I need to ask: what's your plan for these new… 'refugees' you're bringing with us?"

Flavia shifted uncomfortably, sparing Lilly an apologetic glance.

"I mean, it's really noble and kind of you and all that," she went on. "But can you really afford to… just bring them all with you?"

"I have a plan," I said with a sniff.

"Which is?" Flavia prompted.

I sniffled again, wiping my nose on the corner of the blanket. Noire recoiled, aghast at my behaviour.

"Blood and thunder, dad! That's disgusting!" she shrieked.

"What'd he do this time?" Lilly asked, tilting her head slightly.

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" I said, a little too loudly.

I looked back to Flavia, the older woman grinning a little now.

"Warmer clothes," I deadpanned. "That's my plan. I need warmer clothes."

"You know what I meant," Flavia scoffed.

I gave a one-sided shrug, my shoulder still pressed up against Noire's preventing me from moving that arm.

"You missed that conversation, right," I nodded. "A lot of them were crippled on the job. They're skilled tradesmen or workers, and Baham is a city full of unskilled labour from the last wave of refugees."

"And you want this group to train the ones already there," Flavia nodded, realization dawning. "I'll be damned. That's actually a really good idea."

"I don't doubt there'll be some issues at first," I went on. "I've been making a lot of changes to Ylisse's culture in my sphere of influence, really fast. The people of Baham reacted pretty well to the first wave of refugees, so I'm hoping this lot will be much the same."

"So you know, I don't remember anyone ever mentioning anything about this in the future," Noire chimed in.

"Then I choose to believe that means that things went so well that they just integrated and people barely noticed," I said. "I'm trying to stay positive here. This is a big chance I'm taking."

"It's also a lot of people," Noire added.

Flavia nodded as her niece spoke, and I craned my neck to look at her.

"I mean," Noire went on, "when we were passing through Baham to get to Port Ferox I noticed even then how full the city has been getting."

I just gave another one-armed shrug.

"Guess I'll just have to build another city, then," I stated. "We could use a port."

"Will you name it after me?" Flavia asked with a big grin.

"No," I said.

---

My breath had begun to cloud in front of my face as I breathed this particular morning, proof that not only was the elevation getting higher, meaning that the convoy was getting closer to Baham, but also that winter was starting to settle in.

I wasn't looking forward to traveling by sea in the winter months, but at least it meant we'd be in Valm around the start of Spring.

Perfect time to start a war.

I gave a long yawn, rubbing at my upper arms to try and promote some warmth in them. Footsteps approaching on the rocky ground behind me prompted a glance over my shoulder, and I turned properly when I spotted Elle approaching. The young maid had a thick cloak over her uniform, another girl following wearing a similar cloak over a simple, plain dress. The other girl, carrying a bundle of cloth in her arms, was like a smaller copy of Elle, and I figured this was one of her sisters.

"Milord," Elle greeted. "Breakfast will be ready soon."

"Thank you, Elle," I said.

I gave a small shiver, and Elle smiled as she turned to the other girl. The maid took the bundle and shook it out to reveal my coat, complete with the furred ruff around the collar.

"I took the liberty of pulling this out for you," Elle informed me.

"I do not pay you enough," I said gratefully.

I all but snatched the coat from her, pulling it on and sighing as the extra layer shielded me. Elle's smile widened a little, the other girl watching on with wide eyes.

"If I may ask, milord," Elle went on. "Where is the pelt Khan Flavia gave you?"

"I'm making Tharja use it as swaddling for Noire," I explained. "Neither of us thought to pick any up in Ylisstol before we left."

"Ah, very good, milord," Elle nodded.

I jerked my chin towards the other girl, who flinched and moved a little behind her sister.

"Who's your helper?" I asked.

"This is Meryl," Elle said, stepping aside with a grin.

"Uh, Your- I, ah, mean milord," the younger blonde said, dropping a curtsey at lightning speed. "It's a-an honour to meet you."

"Kid, relax," I chuckled. "I don't bite."

Meryl nodded, blushing a little. Elle giggled, before giving me a big, over-exaggerated frown.

"Do not seduce my sisters," she said firmly.

I rolled my eyes as Meryl gasped, darting behind her sister again. This just caused Elle further giggles.

"If you're too young for me, you can bet your ass that your sister is, too," I deadpanned.

A lightbulb went off in my head, though, and I crossed my arms. Sinking to a hip, I looked at the blonde girls and considered.

"I don't like that look," Elle said nervously.

"Sister!?" Meryl gasped.

"That look usually means something crazy is about to happen," the maid sighed.

"How many are in your family?" I asked. "How old are they?"

"Aside from myself?" Elle said, frowning. "There is Meryl and Millie, the twins, who are both fifteen. Then there is Nikki, who is fourteen, she's the one with the darker hair. Then there is our brother, Gerald, who is twelve."

"And mother," Meryl chimed in.

"And mother," Elle nodded. "Though I think she might kill us if we told you how old she is."

I smirked a little.

"Have y'all got any plans for when you get to Baham?" I asked. "I mean, aside from you."

"Not that I'm aware of," Elle said slowly. "I think Mother was planning on using the savings I've set aside to buy a small house and run some small business out of it."

"Or," I said. "Hear me out: you could all be my new household staff and live in the Keep with us."

Meryl's jaw dropped, but Elle just quirked one brow at me.

"Doesn't Baham Keep already have a staff?" she asked.

"They can go with Helman, I'm kicking him out," I said dismissively. "He was saying something about the Villa I had built for him basically being done."

It was how I'd managed to bribe him into being Steward for so long. I couldn't have him and his family under-foot forever, after all.

"So you expect myself and my family to be your only servants?" Elle asked, a little surprise creeping into her voice now.

"Why not?" I shrugged. "You've been doing everything yourself for the last, what, two years now? At least tell your mother, ask her to think about it. If nothing else, I'm more than happy for you all to stay in the Keep for as long as you'd like."

"Really!?" Meryl squeaked in surprised delight.

"Of course," I laughed. "Do you have any idea how easy your sister has made my life? I have no idea how I'm going to cope in Valm without her!"

Meryl glanced at her blushing sister with what looked like newfound respect, and Elle cleared her throat awkwardly.

"I only do my job," she said lamely.

"Just pass the offer on," I said, smiling. "If the rest of your family is even half as good at the job as you are then I'd be stupid not to hire them. Now, you said something about breakfast?"

Elle, still blushing, nodded and indicated I follow, a shell-shocked Meryl hurrying to keep pace with her sister.

That evening, when we made camp, I was confronted by a tearful and embarrassingly grateful blonde woman, Elle's mother, as she swore up and down that she and her children would be exemplary servants for me and my staff. I awkwardly accepted, and like that I had a proper household staff that I could actually trust.

---

On another day, the caravan had stopped mid-afternoon because one of the wagons' axles had snapped on a large stone. I'd chosen to simply accept the delay, letting the refugees stretch their legs in the afternoon sun for a change, as opposed to the sunset we usually stopped in.

I could hear the clamour of the soldiers fixing the damaged wagon, the gentle susurrus of humanity milling about, and Jeremiah and Helman shouting in the distance at their soldiers. Something about forming a 'proper' perimeter, with much ass-kicking threatened.

The light streaming down onto my cheeks made me smile and close my eyes, luxuriating in the warming glow. Fortunately, it hadn't started snowing yet, although some fairly heavy clouds did drift by from time to time. I had to resist the urge to frown, thinking that it was probably still nice and warm in Ylisstol, all the way to the south.

With an effort and another deep breath I let my mind clear, allowing my thoughts to begin slipping by faster than I could grasp them. This was like a form of meditation for me, a way to just relax my brain, and was usually when I remembered stuff that I'd forgotten to do.

While no pressing matters floated to the top of the mess of half-formed thoughts and ideas in my head, and no couriers came leaping out of the woodwork to saddle me with more paperwork, something that had been playing on my mind for a while now did occur.

"Su'ko?" I said.

I heard the familiar rustle of the girl appearing behind me and dropping to one knee, and rolled my eyes.

"Milord," she said softly.

"You know how I feel about the kneeling," I said.

Despite my gentle reprimand, I noticed I didn't hear Su'ko stand.

I rolled my eyes again.

"When do you sleep?" I asked her.

There was a moment of silence before she responded.

"Milord?" she asked uncertainly.

I sighed and turned, quirking a brow as I glanced down at her still-kneeling form.

"Get up so we can actually talk," I said.

The young ninja sprang up immediately, looking up at me attentively.

"When do you sleep?" I asked again. "You're always watching me, always shadowing me. I'm curious about when you rest."

Su'ko blinked, clearly taken by surprise. She fidgeted a little, but didn't look away as she answered.

"I rest when you rest," she said eventually.

"But you stay up all night to watch me," I pointed out.

"I do, I swear!" she said quickly.

"So when do you sleep?" I asked.

She went quiet again, the sound of people around us the only noise as we stared each other down. When Su'ko seemed to realize I wasn't going to drop this just because she pulled the 'silent act' on me, she deflated slightly.

"I nap," she said eventually.

"You 'nap'?" I asked, brows rising.

"Yes," she nodded. "It is not as restful as full sleep, but I have been trained to take quick naps while on missions to keep my strength up."

I groaned and rubbed the skin between my eyes.

"Su'ko," I said slowly. "Please tell me you haven't been doing this the entire time you've been working for me."

She remained silent, which, for her, was as good as a declaration of guilt.

"Girl, that is so unhealthy," I said. "You need to hire some help."

Her eyes widened as her composed mask finally slipped, and she leapt forward.

"No, milord!" Su'ko practically begged. "I am capable of performing my duties without issue, I swear to you!"

I placed both hands on her shoulders and bent down so we were face-to-face.

"This behaviour is unhealthy," I stated flatly. "And I need you alive. Especially if we're about to be in a warzone."

Su'ko swallowed and nodded, her fists clenching at her sides as her eyes began to moisten.

I stood back up and stepped away, crossing my arms.

"Su'ko, you've done an amazing job," I told her. "Better than I had any right to expect. But, I need you at your best, and this is just going to end up killing you. I promise you, I'm not saying this because of any deficiency on your part, but because you're too good at your job."

Su'ko blinked a few times, but remained silent.

"It's unreasonable for me to expect you to watch over me twenty-four-seven," I went on. "Especially when we're at war. You'll exhaust yourself, and then I'll be the one that has to find another bodyguard. Once we get back to Baham, you will find three others from your clan; two to share bodyguard duty with you in a rotation, and one to keep an eye on Noire while we're gone. Is that understood?"

Su'ko's gaze finally dropped, and she nodded.

"Good," I said.

I moved up beside her, bumping her shoulder with my own. Due to being nearly twice the weight of the slight ninja, she stumbled aside a step from even that gentle bop.

"Don't give me those kicked puppy eyes," I grinned. "I still want you in charge of the main bodyguarding. I just don't want you working yourself to death on my karma."

She blinked a few times, before nodding again.

"Good," I sighed. "Now. Stand with me and look like we're still discussing important stuff."

Su'ko blinked owlishly, quirking her head questioningly.

"Milord?" she asked.

"People bother me less when I look busy," I told her. "So help me look busy."

The young ninja looked up at me with a blank expression for a few moments. Then, one of those rare, genuine little smiles that were barely a quirk of her lips rose to her face.

"Of course, milord," she said.

---

I rolled onto my side in my bedroll, silently pining for my dog that was no doubt pinned between Noire and Tharja at this very moment.

At least I'd been in this tent long enough that the temperature inside had gone above 'refrigerator' and I couldn't see my breath anymore.

I sighed in defeat, flopping back over onto my back.

It was amazing how fast you could get used to sleeping beside someone else.

Although, it was still better than insomnia because of nightmares or anxiety.

I stared at the ceiling of my tent, watching the flickering shadows cast by the torches still lit outside. Every so often a shadow would cross the canvas as Helman's soldiers made their patrol rounds, the flickering shapes moving irregularly and without pattern to stop any potential infiltrators abusing a routine.

I gave a long, frustrated sigh, debating just getting up and going for a walk-

"U-um, milord? Are… are you still awake?"

A whisper from the flap of my tent made me look up.

"Sophie?" I asked, sitting up. "What's wrong?"

There was a moment's pause, before the alewife spoke again.

"Could I perhaps… speak with you?" she asked.

I shrugged to myself, leaning forward to undo the little straps that held the flaps closed. Before I could get up, or even reach for a shirt, the one-armed woman darted inside, coming to her knees at my side.

I blinked a few times, realizing how potentially stupid this was of me. If she had been intent on assassination…

I really needed to place a guard out front of my tent or something.

Problems for later, though.

Sophie made no moves to stick a knife in me, so I relaxed a little. In the weak light filtering through the tent I could just barely make out any details, but I realised that she was wearing a different dress from her day-to-day one. It was still plain and a little threadbare, but it was clean and nicer than the other one. Her long dark hair was brushed nicely and sat over one shoulder, resting atop the warm shawl that she wore. I could also make out a faint floral scent…

Admittedly, I found myself somewhat wrong-footed here.

"I just… I wanted to thank you," Sophie said softly. "For taking me… for taking all of us in."

"You have to know by now that I'm not just doing this out of the goodness of my heart," I told her honestly. "I expect y'all to work in Baham."

Sophie nodded, pinching nervously at the cloth of her dress with her remaining hand.

I really hoped this wasn't going where I thought it was…

"I know," she said, smiling. "But it's… more than any other noble would give us. Even Exalt Chrom. Just the chance means so much to all of us…"

She hesitantly reached over and rested her hand on the lump of my bedroll that was my knee.

"… means so much to me. I'd… like it very much if you would… let me express my gratitude, milord."

Internally, I began screaming.

"I appreciate the thought," I said softly. "But I assure you that I didn't bring you along to be a sex toy."

Sophie scoffed, freezing, before she shuddered. There was an awkward moment of silence between us that seemed to last an eternity, Sophie's light touch still resting on my knee, before she finally spoke.

"I know what you're thinking," she whispered.

"I doubt that," I muttered.

Still internally screaming.

"I am hideous," she continued. "Malformed. Losing my arm, becoming such a…"

She began to pull her hand away, and without thinking I stopped her by taking it in my own.

"I'm sorry," she whispered hoarsely. "I shouldn't have… I…"

"That's not what I meant," I said firmly. "I'm not not interested because you're missing an arm. I don't think it makes you 'malformed' or 'hideous' or any other bullshit."

She glanced up at me now, blinking back tears in surprise.

"This," I said, nodding to where the sleeve of her dress was pinned up, "Doesn't matter to me. In terms of attraction, I mean."

She gave a small laugh and smiled a little at my self-correction.

My heart was beating hard in my chest, and I was still screaming a little in my head, but… this seemed kind of important. I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, and her grip tightened a little. Her fingers were calloused from years of work, I noticed.

"I promise, I think you're very pretty," I told her. "Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I do. But… well… I'm… kind of dealing with some residual feelings from my last…"

My last what?

My last hook-up? My last fuck-buddy?

What had Lucina been to me?

It was a question I'd been studiously avoiding thinking about, and one I didn't have an answer to.

"Another woman?" Sophie asked softly.

I sighed.

"Yes," I said.

"I thought you were supposed to be a legendary philanderer?" Sophie giggled softly.

"I swear, when I find out who started that rumour I'm going to rip off their head and spit down their neck," I growled.

This got another gentle laugh from Sophie, and this time it was her turn to squeeze my hand.

"The dark haired one from the barracks?" she asked. "With the big sword?"

I nodded.

"She was really beautiful," the alewife said.

"She is," I sighed. "But… it was just a passing thing. She's… married to her duty. I'm the dumbass that went and caught feelings."

Sophie squeezed my hand again, slowly leaning in towards me again.

"I could… help you forget," she said.

She had gotten so close that I could feel her breath, could smell the floral scent of her perfume…

"I meant what I said," I whispered, turning away slightly. "I don't expect sexual favours just because I'm playing coachman."

Sophie gave a heated sigh into my ear, beginning to trail small kisses down my jaw.

"And… if I wanted to?" she whispered.

I gripped her hand and couldn't help but snort out a laugh.

"At this point, I'd love to," I told her. "But… there's a very scary lady watching us."

Sophie froze and spun around, snatching her hand from my own.

There, in the darkened corner of my tent, Su'ko was crouched glaring at the alewife.

Fortunately, the young ninja managed to dart forward to clamp a hand over the older woman's mouth before she could scream and wake up the whole camp.

Unfortunately, this did nothing to stifle the roaring laughter that escaped my own mouth.

And woke up the entire camp.

---

It took nearly two months to reach Baham with all the refugees in tow.

Fortunately, given how much political resistance was in the south, the nobles would need the time to muster their armies, time to organise provisions, and time to move them into Regna Ferox.

Time I had been hoping to spend just relaxing on the road.

Alas, such a break had been destined to failure from the very start. On account of the constant stream couriers and their ever-dreaded paperwork.

Both Flavia and I had been forced to basically 'hold court' in absentia the entire time, dealing with messengers and letters coming in almost constantly. More than once I had been forced to ask how the hell they kept finding us, but the couriers were relentless.

To be fair, though, with myself and Helman both on the road like this there wasn't really much other choice for the Baham City Council than to get our orders and permissions via post.

Didn't mean it didn't still suck, though.

I had delegated as much to Gaila, Anna, and even Severa, as possible, but still the paperwork must flow.

God bless bureaucracy.

The refugees, to my immense relief, had taken to the journey with gusto. With the soldiers and priests helping and feeding them, many were being treated better than they ever had in Ylisstol. It made me wonder just how bad things had been for the Plegians and Chon'sinians before I'd given them settlement rights in Baham, if this was how Ylisse treated its own downtrodden citizens.

At least IRL most countries had had some form of social support; here there was nothing.

We had even achieved a borderline-miracle, and no one had died on the road.

There were already whispers among these new refugees that I was some kind of Naga-blessed hero or some other such shit, whispers that I was sure Celeste was only all-too-happy to encourage.

Eventually, as we travelled the central plains and farmland of Ylisse had turned into the mountainous passes, and the temperature dropped. Then, the forest began to spread out around us, and I had breathed deep the familiar scent of pine sap on the frigid air. Tharja had grumbled almost incessantly as soon as we'd gotten into the foothills, but fortunately Noire and I had adjusted quick enough, and both versions of my daughter seemed to thrive in the climate. Eventually. Baby-Noire took to it faster than her older self.

She must have gotten it from me.

Then, finally, after two long months of doing paperwork literally while I marched, I spotted Baham in the distance.

"Oh thank fu-" I began to sigh.

I cut off as Tharja, walking beside me with Noire, slapped me in the back of the head before I could curse.

"Ow, what the fu-" I started.

I cut off again as Flavia this time slapped me in the back of the head.

"Okay! Fine! I get it!" I sighed angrily. "No cursing around Noire, I know!"

Everyone within earshot laughed, including a number of the mobile refugees that had chosen to start marching intermittently among the soldiers and clansmen.

It was a little surprising how fast they had integrated, but the fact that they were actually Ylissean probably helped a lot. Except, ya know, the Feroxi, but they were a friendly bunch almost all the time, so that didn't count.

Sure, there were still a few dirty glances from among the soldiery, but none of the outright silent disgust and hostility that there had been scattered around at the start of the journey.

It was progress.

I rolled my eyes as I rubbed at the back of my head, preparing for the last little bit of work before I could finally relax.

"Helman!" I called.

"Yes!?" the older man shouted back over his shoulder.

The former duke was sitting in the driver's seat of the front wagon, steering it towards the city with a watchful Noire next to him. Noire had been in the front wagon riding shotgun the entire two months, her bow constantly across her lap, using her keen archer's eyesight to keep watch for any threat.

Not that there had been any, thanks to the regular patrols that the Baham regiment ran on the main roads, but it was good to see she was taking her duties seriously.

I still didn't think she'd forgiven me for the 'punishment duties' yet, though.

"Lead the refugees to the Barracks, then get them set up in whatever temporary housing you can!" I called. "I'm going straight to the Keep with Flavia!"

"Very well!" the older man called back. "I'll find you in the morning, milord!"

As we reached the gates, the wagons and soldiers began to head down a well-worn dirt road that led to the barracks outside the city. Noire finally broke from her almost ceaseless vigil, turning to give Tharja, Flavia and I a cheerful wave as she went with the soldiers. Flavia's warriors followed after my own little group as we entered the city, peeling off from the caravan at a barked command from the Khan in their local dialect.

"Oh? VIP treatment, huh?" the Flavia asked as we entered the city. "Don't I feel special."

"I had actually been planning to put you in the barracks," I shrugged. "But we picked up more refugees than I thought."

I glanced back as one other wagon began to trundle after us, surrounded by about half the priests, clerics and war priests. Celeste sat in the shotgun seat, looking as regal as if she were riding on a golden carriage, the four lepers sitting bunched up at the back of the tray looking around with wonder.

"Church is near the city center, to the east of the Keep," I told the wagon's driver.

The war priest driving, the one Celeste had called 'Wil', nodded.

"I am glad we have arrived safely, by Naga's grace," Celeste said with a wide smile.

"Yeah, great, right?" I said awkwardly. "Well… good luck with the church, I guess."

I had to stifle a groan, hurrying to catch up with my own carriage. I still didn't know how to deal with Celeste or the more zealous of her congregation. Religion and Ben did not mix.

As we rolled through the city, shocked residents began to drop what they were doing and rush to the street, keeping a respectful distance as they waved excitedly and called out their welcome. Awkwardly, I waved back at them, grateful I'd had the foresight to expressly forbid anyone from sending word ahead to the general populace about when we would arrive.

I did not want a parade.

Not that I didn't appreciate the warm welcome, but after marching for two whole months I was exhausted. My feet were covered in calluses, and I'd even dropped the weight I'd put on sitting behind a desk the entire time I'd been in Ylisstol.

The last part wasn't too bad, though.

We reached the Keep in short order, rolling to a stop out front of the main doors as Celeste's little cavalcade continued on towards the church.

Cilia, Ethid and Nah all stood outside the tall wooden doors to the main Keep building, all smiles and excitement to see us again. Ethid's face fell a little when she realised that Helman wasn't with us, but she hid her disappointment behind another warm smile.

"Welcome back!" Nah said excitedly.

The young-seeming Manakete rushed forward and wrapped her arms around my middle in a tight hug, one that I actually returned without hesitation for a change. After a moment the beaming girl stepped back, glancing over at the wagon.

"Thanks," I sighed, stretching my arms above my head. "It's good to be back. It was a long walk, and my feet are killing me."

"You walked the whole way here?" Ethid asked, shocked.

I opened my mouth, closing it again as Severa jumped down from the carriage's driver seat.

"Most of us, yes," I deadpanned, glaring at the redhead.

She just shrugged, flipped a twin-tail over her shoulder, and moved to hug Nah. I shook my head, opening the carriage door.

"Okay, we got some new faces to oh dear lord Archer!" I yelped.

The big dog darted out from the carriage, clearly caught in the grip of the zoomies. He barked and yipped excitedly, circling around Cilia and Ethid a few times, much to their amusement, before parking his ass right on Cilia's fancy shoe. The young noblewoman sighed, shaking her head.

"To think I actually missed this old mutt," she said, stroking the dog's head fondly.

"Uh, right," I said. "Anyway. New faces. This is Sophie. She's going to make my beer."

As I spoke, I reached up, offering to offer my hand to helpin helping the alewife down. She took it gratefully, smiling with just the hint of a blush on her cheeks. Which I chose to ignore.

"This is Lilly," I continued. "She's my new 'court minstrel'. Lilly. Lilly, it's your turn."

"I heard you," the girl laughed. "I'm blind, not deaf!"

She jumped a little when I took her hand, smiling as well when she realised I was being a gentleman and helping her down from the carriage.

"This is Lavender, who I'm thinking can either work in the kitchens or as a maid," I went on.

I helped her down from the carriage as well, the older blonde moving to stand protectively by her sister's side.

Gaila slid from the top of the carriage where she had been playing lookout for Severa, smiling brightly and stepping forward before I could speak.

"I'm Gaila, the Boss' First Mate! Nice ta meet'cha!" she said loudly.

Gaila stepped forward, shaking first Ethid and then Cilia's hands energetically. I rolled my eyes at her antics, but kept quiet.

"I have a family of maids somewhere, too," I said, quirking a brow. "I think they got caught up in the flow and went with the refugees."

"Ah, yes," Ethid nodded. "Helman did mention the refugees in his letter. Ladies, it is a pleasure to meet you."

"And this is Khan Flavia," I said as the older woman stepped forward. "She and her clan adopted me, so think of her as my family."

Ethid and Cilia's jaws literally dropped as the Khan stepped forward, grinning widely.

"Ladies," Flavia nodded. "Ben's told me a lot about you. Thanks for taking care of my little bro."

As the women all exchanged pleasantries, I looked back up to the carriage. Tharja and I locked eyes, and I shrugged and offered her my hand. She hesitated for a moment, before balancing Noire on her hip and letting me help her down.

"And, last but not least, this is Tharja, and our daughter Noire," I said.

"WHAT!?" both noblewomen screeched.

Lilly and I both winced, but most of the others found the reaction very amusing.

"No, we are not married, or in a relationship," Tharja said archly. "But I will be… living in the Keep for the time being."

Cilia stammered incoherently in shock, but Ethid just laughed and shook her head.

"Get used to Noire," I said with an embarrassed grin. "She's inheriting when I kick the bucket, and yes, I've already started changing the laws so that she can."

"You continue to surprise me, milord," Ethid chuckled. "Lady Tharja, a pleasure to meet you."

The previous duchess stepped forward, leaning in to get closer to Noire.

"And hello, Noire," she said, her voice rising a few octaves. "It's very nice to meet you."

"'ello!" Noire burbled happily.

She had started picking up words quickly now that she had started to speak, and Ethid laughed again, stroking the girl's head. Cilia just continued to goggle like a fish.

"Well, why don't we all go inside?" Ethid suggested. "I have had the staff prepare us a fire, and refreshments will be brought."

"For all of us, right?" I asked, indicating the three refugees with a nod.

"I believe we can accommodate a few more mouths," Ethid laughed. "Come, ladies, I will show you to the sitting room. Khan Flavia, I will have one of the footmen show your entourage to where they can billet, and provide some refreshments for them, as well."

"Thanks, Ethid," I sighed. "I need to go drop some letters in my office real quick, then I'll meet you all upstairs."

I walked in ahead of the women, giving a small sigh of relief as I stepped into the warm, fire-lit gloom of the Keep. After a moment I heard the telltale scrape of nails on stone floors, and glanced down to see Archer trotting happily alongside me.

"Oh, so now you want to be around me," I scoffed.

"Wuff," he responded.

"Alright, alright," I laughed.

He seemed just as happy as me to be home.

I grinned a little at the thought.

How fast Baham had become home.

I realised that it was true; I was happy to be somewhere I considered 'home'.

With that thought buoying me and a new pep in my step, I practically skipped up the stairs towards my office. Or, well, the one Helman and I both alternately used.

"I think we forgot to tell Helman and the girls about sticking them somewhere else to stay, huh boy?" I said, glancing down at the dog following me.

"Wuff," Archer said.

"Indeed," I nodded.

Grinning wider at the prospect of the cookies that were no doubt waiting for me, I shoved the door to my office open and stepped in.

"So. We meet at last."

I froze one step into the room as the voice greeted me.

Blinking a few times, it took me a moment to realize someone was sitting behind my desk.

I didn't even like Helman sitting behind my desk.

No one sat behind my desk.

A familiar-looking young woman with thick brown hair and icy blue eyes, wearing a beaten old green jacket bearing faded, familiar patches on it, grinned at me from behind my desk, sitting in my chair, stroking a cat like she was a Bond villain.

I quirked an eyebrow.

"I've waited so… very long for this," she said archly.

It was then that Archer joined me in the room and froze at my side.

A number of things happened at once then.

Archer gave a loud, growling bark.

The cat that the young woman was stroking hissed before clawing its way up her shoulder and leaping onto a bookshelf.

The young woman screeched in pain, jumping in my chair.

And, finally, there was a loud curse and thud from beneath my desk.

"Morgan! What the hell!?"

A white-haired young man threw an arm onto the tabletop, pulling himself up to his knees and looking at me over the desk.

A white-haired young man wearing a worryingly familiar black Plegian coat.

"Ugh. Way to ruin our entrance, Daeren."

Looking at the two teenagers behind my desk, a spitting cat on my bookshelf, and my growling dog each in turn, I could only think of one thing.

"WHAT. THE. FUCK!?"

---

AN: This was a big chonker of a chapter. I asked my Patrons if I should split it, but was immediately bombarded by gifs of 'NO' on Discord. Blame them. lol

Yeah, this chapter was a bit of a self-indulgent wank-fest for me. A little bit of wish fulfilment to make me happy, given how hectic things have been in the last few months. No, I'm not going to let this become an 'everyone loves the over-powered self insert character' story, not even in his own camp. He's been making a lot of changes, really fast, and now that people know he's not a Naganite convert? Yeah. People gonna be mad.

Oh my god, I have been planning that cliffhanger for literal years. I'm not even kidding, I've been planning that scene in my head since 2020. Unfortunately, life got in the way of regular updates, and then I realised I had a LOT of world-building that needed doing, and... well. Yes. IT. FINALLY. HAPPENED. I'm so happy. There's a few more planned jokes, gags and scenes before we get to Valm, but I am planning to push forward the timeline pretty fast now. Maybe even split this story as a separate 'book' again and start a new one for the war? It is a pretty dang good spot to split the story, anyway. Haven't decided yet. Let me know what you think. And let me know how you liked the chapter! I get the warm fuzzies every time I get a review notification.

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