Chapter Four: Spock
Disclaimer: Not my circus, but definitely my monkey business.
Amanda Grayson is a force of nature. The people who love her best—her sister Cecilia, her husband, her son—say she is stubborn. Amanda protests that description. She is resilient. Persistent. Insistent. All qualities she admires in others, so why not in herself? According to her, without them, she couldn't have weathered the misgivings and frank prejudices to marry Sarek and make a home on Vulcan. She couldn't have borne the difficulties of conceiving Spock or raising him among people whose gaze was at best curious and at worst hostile. She couldn't have welcomed Michael and Sybok as part of her family, even if their time together was shorter than it should have been.
Even forces of nature stumble sometimes. For Amanda, the weakness that trips her up is Vulcan itself, or more accurately, its star, 40 Eridani A. Although most of its light wavelengths are similar to Earth's Sol, it isn't an exact match. Every month or so she travels to back to Seattle for radiation treatment to make up the deficit from living under an alien sun. Other than leaving her tired for a few days, it's not unpleasant. It also gives her an opportunity to visit her sister who still lives close to where Amanda grew up.
When Spock was at the Academy in San Francisco, she extended her regular medical trips home to include a meal with him. Now that he's aboard the Enterprise, they see each other less than she would like. At least that's what she tells Spock in their regular subspace video chats. As unpredictable as other humans are, he knows his mother will end every call with a predictable stated desire to see him in person.
He ends their conversations with a promise that he will attempt to—though they both know that as long as he and Sarek are still at odds, spending leave on Vulcan is not something he will do. Instead, whenever the Enterprise is at Starbase 1, his mother schedules her travel between Vulcan and Earth through the transport station there and they make time between her shuttles to meet.
The timing for their next meeting isn't ideal. Amanda is heading back to Vulcan after a treatment and will be fatigued. Because he is working Delta shift, Spock's schedule means he will have to sprint through Starbase 1 to have enough time to take his mother for a cup of tea before her shuttle leaves. When he points out these difficulties and suggests they skip a visit this time, her reaction reminds him why he and his father and his aunt call her a force of nature.
"If I didn't know better, Spock," she says, the frosty tone in her voice clear despite the poor quality of their subspace transmission, "I would think you are attempting to be funny. Here's a word to the wise: I don't think that bailing on your mother when all she asks is to see her son for a few minutes when they aren't separated by lightyears once in a blue moon is a smart move. Not at all, buster. You need to rethink what you are saying."
The subspace comm is audio only so he allows the edge of his mouth to quirk up into a grin. He remembers a scene from his childhood when he had asked in all seriousness if buster was his human name, one his mother had, perhaps, failed to mention to him before?
"I was just pointing out the difficulty—"
"The next time I need you to point out any difficulties in my life, I'll get back to you. On the other hand, if you are saying that this visit is a difficulty for you—"
"It is not, Mother. I am glad I will see you."
" That had better be the truth," Amanda says, "because I will know if it isn't."
She will, too. More than anyone else in his life, his mother can look at him and know when he is hiding something. If anything, it should be harder for her to discern the truth; her natural telepathy is almost null, and she is careful not to intrude through their family bond. Yet all she has to do is look at him, her eyes squinted, to know when he is—as she calls it—up to no good.
His pet sehlat shepherded into his bedroom against the rules? She knew. His collection of poisonous insects carefully hidden under his bed? She found them.
His deep love for Sybok and Michael, and the pain he felt when each one left? She knew that too, the crucifixion in her face almost too much for him to bear.
Spock does not believe in luck, but he does feel lucky when Commander Chin Riley changes the duty roster on the day of his mother's scheduled arrival and he is free to meet her shuttle in the bay. Pleasure and surprise brighten her expression and quicken her pace when she disembarks and sees him waiting, his arms tucked behind his back. For one awful moment he thinks she is reaching up to kiss his cheek, but she catches his eye and rocks back down on her heels, smiling.
"So," she says, "where's this promised cup of tea?"
Starbase 1 is well-known in the quadrant for its diverse population which caters to residents and travelers with familiar food, drinks, and entertainment. There are no Vulcan teahouses, but a Denubian trader has opened a tearoom that serves teas from many planets, including Vulcan. Logically, if his mother wants something comforting, she will have Vulcan tea as an option. Also logical, knowing his mother's adventurous nature, she may prefer to try something unfamiliar or rare, such as Romulan kali-fal.
The tearoom is further from the shuttle bay than advertised, and by the time they find it, his mother is visibly flagging. Taking her arm, he leads her to a small table near a window.
The low, dark tearoom is empty—not a good sign for any food establishment—but the Denubian trader appears almost immediately and takes their order. From the corner of his eye Spock watches his mother as she selects from the menu, smiling as she hands the plasticard back to the Denubian.
"Don't look at me like that," she says to Spock as the Denubian walks away.
"I was not looking at you in any particular way."
"Yes, you were. You were looking at me with that worried look you get when you aren't sure what's going to happen. Don't deny it. Your father does the same thing."
"I was merely observing you, Mother."
"Call it what you want, but I know what you're doing."
Her comment is irrational and he's learned from experience that the best course of action is not to engage with such irrationality. He looks hopefully toward the kitchen door where the Denubian disappeared.
"You want the waiter to hurry up so you can escape," his mother says.
"I want the waiter to hurry up so I can drink my tea."
"That thirsty, are you?"
He dodges her question with the answer to a different question, a tactic he also learned early on. "I have not have any tea all day."
"Cecilia sends her love," his mother says, choosing to ignore his misdirection. "Anna is pregnant, did I tell you that already?"
Anna is Spock's cousin, his aunt Cecilia's second child. As a middle child, Anna played the role of good-natured peacemaker between her older brother Chris and her feisty younger sister, Rachel. Spock and Chris, in particular, spent a great deal of time together during school vacations or holidays. In fact, some of Spock's most intense memories of Earth involve time with his cousins.
"You did not," Spock says. "I hope she is doing well."
"She is," his mother says. "Perhaps you can find time to call her and wish her well yourself."
It's a dig and he recognizes it as such. He does need to be more mindful about his relationships with his family. He sends a tendril of resolve through the mental bond he shares with his mother and feels her appreciation.
The Denubian trader is suddenly at the table, a tray crowded with mugs and a ceramic tea pot in his hand.
Sorting out the crockery and pouring the tea occupies Spock for a few minutes, but when he hands his mother her tea, he hears her give an audible sigh.
"Now I can relax," she says. "I wish we had more time to talk, but this will have to do."
"Your shuttle does not leave for 27 minutes."
"Only 27?" His mother gives him the same quirking grin he recognizes as his own. "Not 27.456?"
"If you want to talk, you have already wasted one of the 26 minutes you have left."
"I really just want to hear how you are doing. You like the new crew? You said Chris hosted a get-together recently. How did that go?"
He thinks of Cadet Uhura's performance on the asteroid, remembers La'an's cogent discussion of the Gorn, hears again the joking lilt in Nurse Chapel's teasing advice.
"It was adequate. The new crew seem…proficient."
His mother snorts. "High praise indeed. I hope you are getting to know them as people. You know, doing fun things together. You told me you haven't found a chess partner yet. Maybe one of the new crew is a secret grandmaster."
She's kidding him, of course, but her deeper point is well taken. He does need to become more familiar with the new crewmembers in order to develop a more efficient working relationship. And more professional.
"Something is making you uneasy," his mother says, and he flushes, surprised again at how easily she reads him.
"I was recalling a challenging moment on a recent away mission," he dodges. If his mother knew the nature of his job, she would advocate that he return to Vulcan and work for the Vulcan Science Academy.
"No, it's something else," she says, daring him to break eye contact.
Spock parries by taking a sip of tea. If he's honest with himself, he's been dreading this moment for weeks. No amount of meditation, cross-legged in front of his asenoi, has given him the necessary equanimity to tell his mother what he knows she needs to hear.
"I do have something I need to share," he starts.
His mother puts down her mug and tilts her head toward him. "T'Pring? Is she hesitant—"
"No! I mean, no. T'Pring and I are doing well. But it is because of T'Pring that I know of something that will cause you pain."
Instead of speaking, his mother frowns and sits up.
Taking a breath, Spock says, "As you know, T'Pring's current assignment is as a therapist at the Ankestan K'til facility on Omicron Lyrae."
"The prison planet?"
"A rehabilitation center for Vulcan criminals. The majority of her work is with v'tosh ka'tur."
His mother's leap of intuition is formidable to see, more proof that she is a force of nature.
"Sybok," she says, and Spock nods.
"Oh, Spock, I have to see him!"
"That would not be allowed."
"But we might be able to help him! I've been so worried for so long! And now we know where he is!"
His mother's joy is a contrast to his own conflicted emotions—worry, shame, and anger, too, that Sybok has chosen to be out of touch with the family for so long.
"Oh, your father can petition a visit, surely! Or we can transfer him to Shi-Kahr, get him help there—"
"Mother, do not get your hopes up. None of that may be possible."
"But—"
"And Sybok may not want help. He may not want to see…us."
Amanda's grief washes over him. For a moment they sit, transfixed, and then she stands up and says, "I need to go. My shuttle will be leaving soon."
"You still have—"
"Don't tell me how many minutes I have. And don't tell me that you feel nothing for your brother, Spock. That you aren't worried about him, too. All this time, ever since he left, I thought you missed him as much as I do. You followed him everywhere when you were a little boy. You looked up to him. If you cared, you wouldn't just let him rot away in prison."
"Mother, I—"
"I'm not going to take no for an answer. I'll do whatever it takes, with or without your help."
And with that, she exits the tearoom and storms down the concourse.
Following her would be unwise. The odds are that she would become angrier if he tried. He looks down at his tea mug, still mostly full, and runs his finger along the rim.
Not too long ago, Chris Pike told Spock that he knows that he faces unbeatable odds in his future—a dark, painful death of who he is. Spock's answer feels glib now, his easy reassurance that "suffering can be transformed into insight."
Perhaps suffering is just suffering.
Sybok's suffering was something Spock saw up close. Though no one ever mentioned her, Spock knew that Sybok's mother died young, a follower of the v'tosh ka'tur. When Sybok wasn't living with his grandmother, he stayed with Sarek. Amanda found in Sybok a willing ally in her push-back against the rigidity of Vulcan life, someone eager to explore his emotional life. For Spock, having an older brother was transformative, someone eager to protect him and offer him emotional support.
For Sarek, Sybok was a problem he couldn't solve. Their conflict grew until Sybok left—suddenly and without warning, leaving Amanda and Spock—and if he would admit it, Sarek, too—bereft.
Sitting alone in the Denubian tearoom on Starbase 1, Spock feels that same hopelessness all over again. Nothing good can come of this. He feels as helpless as Captain Pike must feel, waiting for destiny to unfold.
Author's Note: True confession….I have never liked Sybok. His sudden appearance in Star Trek V was startling, his motivations unconvincing. A few years ago I decided to explore him better and I wrote two fanfics where he is a prominent character: "My Mother the Ambassador," which is a series of vignettes about Amanda Grayson (one of my FAVORITE characters), and "The Prodigal Son," a story where Sybok is featured. I came to grudgingly like him…and I liked giving him a backstory where he was important to Spock. I'm curious to see what mischief he (and his pirate buddies) gets up to in SNW.
Chris Thomasson and his sisters Anna and Rachel appear in many of my fanfics. If you are interested in my take on Spock's extended family, they show up in "The Visitor" and "People Will Say," to name two. Most of those stories are set in the Abramsverse world where Spock and his gifted student, Nyota Uhura, are engaged in an illicit relationship. Fun times!