Forest stared at the pill bottle in his hand and took a deep breath. It had taken him some courage to finally visit the doctor, partly because he'd feared the outcome and partly because he'd already guessed it. Sarah Prindle had been the one to give him the final push.
Just yesterday, he had rested on this very couch while her soft voice had read to him; her favorite novel. His whole life, he'd been convinced he hated fiction, but as soon as Sarah had uttered the first word, he knew he'd been wrong. And then the headache had come on, forcing him to close his eyes, which in turn had made the fatigue in his body more prominent. Next, he noticed that Sarah had stopped reading.
"You're in pain", she had remarked quietly. A statement, not a question.
Forest grunted. "It's nothing."
"Don't lie to me. You look pale as a ghost."
"Why, thank you."
"That's not funny", Sarah had reprimanded him as she clapped the book shut. "I take it you haven't been to the doctor?"
He didn't even need to answer.
As Sarah had begun gathering her belongings, he opened his eyes again and sat up. "Don't go", he'd said through gritted teeth.
But Sarah was already putting on her coat. "You need to rest now. And I want you to go to the doctor tomorrow. I'll come check on you in the evening."
"Sarah, I –" Forest had only sighed when he looked at her. There was something in her eyes that silenced all his protest. "Okay", he'd said instead. "I'll have dinner ready."
"It's a date", she had replied, and immediately blushed bright red. She was about to leave when she'd added: "Do it for Iris."
Do it for Iris. That's what had forced him to the doctor the next day. That and Sarah's pretty blue eyes.
And now, Forest was waiting for her in the same space as yesterday, with a bottle of pills in front of him that he hadn't yet dared to open. The pain was bearable today, though the doctor's prognosis hadn't exactly been good. Still, he felt almost okay. Maybe the prospect of hearing Sarah's lovely voice again was helping with that…
The doorbell rang and Forest jumped to his feet.
Sarah looked soaking wet, but when she shed her raincoat, her clothes were dry underneath. She wore a light blue dress that made his gaze linger on her body for a moment. Then he blushed, thinking about her beautiful figure, and quickly dropped his eyes.
Thankfully, Sarah didn't seem to notice. "Smells amazing", she noted shyly. He'd picked up soup on his way home, which was waiting for them on the kitchen table.
As Forest hung her coat on the rack to dry, Sarah stepped over to the couch and picked up the pill bottle from the coffee table. "So you saw the doctor today?", she asked, almost incredulously.
Forest smirked. "What, you didn't think I would?"
"I… had my doubts", Sarah confessed, giving him a small smile back. "It's a good thing you went, though, because that means you do deserve my presents."
"Presents?" He raised an amused brow, while Sarah took off her shoulder bag and pulled out a bottle of red wine.
"One of Oath's finest, according to my dad", she explained.
Forrest took the bottle from her and couldn't help but smile. "I don't know what to say. This is… unexpected."
"Well, there's more", Sarah continued, blushing as she pulled out a bouquet of wildflowers next.
"Flowers? Really?" He gazed at her with wide eyes, and she giggled.
"I'm sorry, I had to. They're so pretty, I couldn't leave them at the shop… and you really need some decorations in here. For when Iris comes back." Her voice broke a little at the mention of her friend's name.
Forest sighed, knowing he would have to crush her hope again that he might have received word of his sister. "Still no news, unfortunately."
"So I figured", Sarah replied. After a moment, she caught herself and held up the flowers. "Do you have a vase?"
As Forest placed the bottle of wine on the table and arranged the wildflowers in a vase next to it, he noticed Sarah's hesitation.
"May I ask… what the doctor said?" she asked finally, trying to make it sound nonchalant.
Forest swallowed. "I'll tell you over dinner", he replied and gestured to a chair.
Sarah looked equal parts relieved and worried as she took a seat. The table was already decked and the soup ready to be eaten. Forest filled their plates and poured them both a glass of water before sitting down across from her. Then he cleared his throat.
"The doctor ordered an x-ray and they found shrapnel still in my body", he declared numbly.
It felt unreal to him, even though his symptoms reminded him every day that it had to be true. But in that moment, it was the last conversation Forest wished to have. He was sharing pumpkin soup by lamplight with a beautiful girl, who had brought him flowers and wine and reminded him of all the simple pleasures in life. They shouldn't be speaking about the war right now.
Sarah's spoon clanked loudly against her porcelain plate. "Sorry", she whispered, before looking up at him with huge eyes. "Shrapnel in your body? But – how can this be, when Dacre healed you? You said –"
"He did heal me", Forest confirmed, "but my guess is that he left those pieces behind intentionally. To keep controlling me through my pain."
"Forest –"
"They could take out the shrapnel in surgery", he went on, interrupting her. He wanted to be done with this subject as quickly as possible. "Although the doctor warned me that some symptoms might remain."
"Surgery?", Sarah repeated. He couldn't discern the emotion in her voice. "Isn't that risky?"
"There are certain risks", Forest replied vaguely. "And it'll be expensive. But it's an option."
There was a stutter of silence, before Sarah murmured: "I suppose so."
Forest stole a glance at her, how she was dragging her spoon through her soup in slow circles. Could she really be so worried about him? They'd only known each other for a couple days, after all…
"The doctor spoke of trauma as well", he continued, even though he hadn't wanted to mention it at first. "A lot of soldiers came to him complaining of trouble sleeping, feelings of restlessness, and the like. The war wrecked them."
He stared into his own plate, afraid of the look he'd see on Sarah's face.
"It's a normal reaction to the horrors that they've seen at the front", she said finally. "That you have seen. It doesn't mean any of you is broken beyond repair."
At her words, Forest felt tears sting his eyes, and he blinked rapidly to get rid of them before looking up at her. Sarah's gaze was steady, conveying to him that she'd meant everything she'd said. As Forest opened his mouth to reply, she spoke again.
"You'll have to accept my help, though." Her voice was light, almost teasing, but the message was clear nonetheless.
He would have to accept his trauma and find ways to live with it. She would be there to help him.
Forest smirked and took another spoonful of soup. "You scare me more than surgery, you know that, Sarah Prindle?"
Again, she blushed bright red, but Forest relished the sight. And just like that, they were back in their little bubble, where all the terrors of the outside world did not exist. Just a boy and a girl, sharing dinner in a cozy apartment.
Their conversation drifted back to lighter topics as they finished their soup and simply enjoyed each other's company. Sarah's hair shone like an angel's in the lamplight and Forest imagined running his fingers through it, pulling it back from her face. Maybe someday, he thought to himself.
Then his gaze fell on the table decoration. "Hey, I didn't even thank you for the gifts", he said suddenly. "Iris will love the flowers. They smell extraordinary. And as for that fine bottle..."
"Finest in Oath", Sarah reminded him with a wink.
He laughed. "I was thinking we should be the judge of that. Shall we?"
"I thought you'd never ask." Sarah stood and made to gather the dishes, but Forest stopped her.
"Let me handle that. Why don't you take the wine glasses over to the couch and I'll join you in a second?"
"Sure."
While Forest soaked the dirty dishes in the sink and then searched the drawers for a bottle opener, he couldn't wipe the smile from his face. He never knew he needed a Sarah Prindle in his life before she'd stood on his doorstep one day, finding him alone in the dark. And only a few days later, the lights were turned on and the smell of wildflowers filled the apartment. He wanted her to know how glad he was to have met her.
Then, striding over to the couch with the open wine bottle in hands, the sound of violins and crackling static suddenly filled his ears. His mother's radio.
The bottle slipped from his grasp and burst on the ground. Sarah gasped, turning around to face him.
"Turn that off", he snapped. "Now!"
She looked between him and the radio for a second, then hurried to turn the knob. It was quiet once again, but the silence felt stifling.
"I'm sorry", she said after a moment.
Forest just strode away to find a broom and began cleaning up the mess.
"Let me help", Sarah insisted, still standing over by the radio.
"No. It's fine."
"Strings are forbidden", Forest muttered as he brushed shards of glass onto a dustpan. "You could get in huge trouble."
He could feel her stare on him, and kept his eyes firmly trained on the ground.
"That's why you're mad?", Sarah asked incredulously. "I only meant to… How was I supposed to know which station –"
"Look, that's my mother's radio!", Forest boomed, even though he hadn't intended to raise his voice again. He stood up, sighing in defeat. "It was my mother's radio."
Sarah went pale. "I'm so sorry", she stammered. "I didn't know… I didn't mean to…"
Forest couldn't bear to look at her. The last thing he'd wanted to do was freak out on her, the girl he was so grateful to have found, but when he'd heard those violins, everything just came rushing back. The sorrow, the grief, the guilt. The fate of his poor mother and what Iris had to endure alone while he was out on the front lines, ruining his life.
Suddenly, Forest felt as if his knees might buckle. He rushed over to the kitchen table and almost collapsed onto a chair. All he could do was cover his face in his hands and remind himself that it was over. The music was gone. He was okay, and Sarah was okay, and Iris… He shook his head.
How could he have let his sister go? After everything he'd been through, how could he have let her go into war territory again? If something happened to her, it would be his fault.
"Forest, I'm sorry", Sarah repeated softly. "I didn't know it was your mother's."
Her voice sounded closer this time. He glanced up, saw that she was fighting back tears.
"Don't apologize", he rasped. "You couldn't have known. I… I was just…"
Sarah stepped closer and finally sank to her knees before him. Tears welled in his eyes again. If she were smart, she would've run away by now.
"What happened to her?", she whispered. "If you don't mind me asking."
She didn't even know. Forest sighed. What would she think of him if he told her the truth?
"You don't have to tell me", Sarah added quickly, but her eyes looked sad. He held her gaze and decided that he wanted her to know.
"A few weeks ago, the Oath Gazette reported about a woman being hit by a tram", Forest began. A gasp escaped Sarah's mouth. "She was an alcoholic. And I was stupid enough to leave her alone with Iris."
"Oh Forest", Sarah replied, almost inaudibly. Her voice was so raw that it tore his heart open. When her hand touched his arm, a single tear escaped his eye, but he didn't find the energy to wipe it away.
Let her see it, he thought. Let her, Sarah Prindle, see all of him.
"It's all my fault", he explained to her, while her other hand was tracing slow circles on his leg. "If I hadn't left, my mother would still be alive. Iris would never have become a war correspondent. I'm responsible for all of… this."
Forest gestured around the empty flat, but his gaze caught on Sarah's face. She squeezed his arm and said firmly: "That is not true. Don't beat yourself up over things you cannot control."
His first instinct was to protest. He knew for a fact that it was his fault. He'd known it since the day he arrived back in Oath. It was the reason why he'd spent all this time alone in the dark, trying to punish himself for what he had done to his family, forcing himself to suffer through the same grief and loneliness that Iris must've gone through after their mother died.
If he had stayed, things would've been different. That had been his conviction. And yet… It was all over, and nobody would ever know what how things might've gone if he'd stayed. There was nothing for him to change anymore.
"Forest", Sarah whispered.
He'd closed his eyes, but now he opened them again.
"Do you believe me?"
He nodded.
Sarah placed her palm on his cheek and smiled.
Before he knew where the words came from, Forest urged quietly: "Come closer."
Heat rushed through him, and when he looked at Sarah, he saw that familiar blush that he so adored on her. Slowly, without question or protest, she rose and settled on his right leg. As Forest slung his arm around her waist, she leaned into him. Her hand found the back of his head and gently guided him to her shoulder, the place above her right chest. He pressed his face into the fabric of her dress, into her soft skin. She smelled like rosemary.
"Close enough?", Sarah asked into his left ear.
He breathed her in and nodded. "Don't let go."
"Never", she promised.
Author's Note:
I had a dream of this scene while reading Ruthless Vows, and I thought it was too sweet to let it go to waste. The next day, I wrote it down in one sitting (that's why it might be a bit short on details). I've been hoping for Forest to get a storyline like this, so I was really excited when I got to that part of the book! Sarah Prindle is just perfect for him.