BRING YOUR OWN EARL
"You have a sweet room here, Mr. Bingley, and a charming prospect over that gravel walk. I do not know a place in the country that is equal to Netherfield. You will not think of quitting it in a hurry, I hope, though you have but a short lease," Mrs. Bennet said.
"Whatever I do is done in a hurry," replied Bingley; "and therefore if I should resolve to quit Netherfield, I should probably be off in five minutes."
"Without saying goodbye to your friends?" Mrs. Bennet asked.
"Oh, no, certainly not," Bingley said, a bit flustered. "At present, I consider myself as quite fixed here."
"Good because such impulsive travel plans might cause some headache for your servants," said Darcy.
"Oh, it is not my intention to inconvenience anyone," said Bingley. "But I find it so hard to wait. It feels like I cannot get anything done unless I do things straight away. If I have to wait too long there will be something to distract me from my purpose."
"There is always so much to do," said Lydia.
"You begin to comprehend me, do you?" cried he, turning towards her.
"You should hold a ball, Mr. Bingley. That would give us all something exciting to do."
Mr. Bingley agreed that a ball was just the thing to enliven the place, although in this instance, he judged it better to wait until such time that Miss Bennet was well enough to dance.
"You must not get distracted and forget!" Lydia said.
"Do you get distracted from things and plans, Mr. Bingley?" inquired Elizabeth. "Or people too?"
"My brother has many friends, and he is at a time of life when friends and engagements are continually increasing," said Miss Bingley.
"Your brother is right here, and he can speak for himself," said Bingley. "Miss Elizabeth, I admit that I love the excitement of making new acquaintances. But I would like to think that I am capable of keeping those friends who are the most worth keeping."
"Bingley and Darcy have put up with each other for ten years now and I think you should consider that a mark in both of their favour," said Mr. Hurst. "Darcy does not suffer fools gladly yet he can still countenance my impetuous brother-in-law somehow. And it has been a decade and Darcy in all of his fastidiousness has still not bored Bingley to death."
"I wish I might take this for a compliment," Bingley said, "but to be so easily bored, I am afraid, is pitiful."
"Bored is as bored does," said Elizabeth. "It does not necessarily follow that a deep, ponderous character is more or less estimable than such a one as yours."
"Lizzy," cried her mother, "remember where you are, and do not run on in the wild manner that you are suffered to do at home."
"I did not know before," continued Bingley, immediately, "that you were a studier of character. It must be an amusing study."
"The country," said Darcy, "can in general supply but few subjects for such a study. In a country neighbourhood you move in a very confined and unvarying society."
"But people themselves alter so much, that there is something new to be observed in them for ever," Elizabeth said.
"Yes, indeed," cried Mrs. Bennet, offended by his manner of mentioning a country neighbourhood. "I assure you there is quite as much of that going on in the country as in town. I cannot see that London has any great advantage over the country, for my part, except the shops and public places. The country is a vast deal pleasanter, is not it, Mr. Bingley?"
"When I am in the country," he replied, "I never wish to leave it; and when I am in town, it is pretty much the same. They have each their advantages, and I can be equally happy in either."
"Ay, that is because you have the right disposition. But that gentleman seemed to think the country was nothing at all."
"Indeed, mamma, you are mistaken," said Elizabeth, blushing for her mother. "You quite mistook Mr. Darcy. He only meant that there was not such a variety of people to be met with in the country as in town, which you must acknowledge to be true."
"Certainly, my dear, nobody said there were; but as to not meeting with many people in this neighbourhood, I believe there are few neighbourhoods larger. I know we dine with four-and-twenty families."
"Yes, it is quite a nicely sized community that you have here here," said Darcy. "Our country home in Derbyshire is more rural than Meryton, and if I invited four-and-twenty families to dine some would have to travel rather long distances, I am afraid."
"Oh, is that so?" Mrs. Bennet said.
"Yes, it is five miles to Lambton and more than that to Kympton," Darcy said. "As the crow flies, the nearest neighbours are not that far but there are waterways, woods and some difficult terrain surrounding Pemberley, and most dinner guests arriving in their carriages would have to take a significant detour."
"It does sound rather isolated," Mrs. Bennet said.
"So you can understand that we do not entertain much and when we do it is in a more confined society than what you have here here," Darcy said. "My sister despairs because she is of an age to come out in society and to start thinking about marriage soon, and the local society is so unvarying, with very few young bachelors of a suitable age, and none that she considers potential."
"The poor dear!" If there was anyone who could sympathise with Miss Darcy's predicament it was Mrs. Bennet.
"It is very slim pickings, she says."
"Oh, I know exactly how she feels," Mrs. Bennet said. "I have five daughters to marry off, and eligible bachelors are very few and far between. Everyone has gone away to war, or died of the measles, or married a Goulding girl."
"Have you run out of widowed farmers?" Miss Bingley asked. "I am sure one of those might take a fancy to Miss Bennet. She is very kind, and would be good for his children. And so handsome!"
"To be sure, Jane—one does not often see anybody better looking. It is what everybody says. I do not trust my own partiality. When she was only fifteen there was a gentleman at my brother Gardiner's in town so much in love with her, that my sister-in-law was sure he would make her an offer before we came away. But, however, he did not. Perhaps he thought her too young. However, he wrote some verses on her, and very pretty they were."
"And so ended his affection," said Elizabeth, impatiently. "There has been many a one, I fancy, overcome in the same way. I wonder who first discovered the efficacy of poetry in driving away love!"
"I have been used to consider poetry as the food of love," said Darcy.
"Of a fine, stout, healthy love it may. Everything nourishes what is strong already. But if it be only a slight, thin sort of inclination, I am convinced that one good sonnet will starve it entirely away."
"This sounds quite encouraging to me," said Bingley. "I am the last man on earth to come up with a good sonnet, so it means that I have a chance."
"But you need to watch out for Darcy," said Mr. Hurst. "He might be intending to ask you to pass the potatoes and instead quote you a stanza quite accidentally."
"Surely not!" Miss Bingley hastened to his defense. "Mr. Darcy would not be so daft. He has never quoted sonnets at me by accident."
"Or on purpose," said Mr. Hurst.
"Indeed, Miss Bingley, I have been able to contain the flow of my poetry in my dealings with you," said Darcy.
"Quite laudable," Mr. Hurst approved.
"But in my opinion Miss Darcy can have no problem attracting suitors," Miss Bingley said. "She is such a delight I am certain she will be all the rage in London, and there will be many a sonnet written about her beauty."
"That is a possibility that she dreads," said Darcy. "She is very shy and abhors the thought of dancing with strangers and being the centre of attention, and getting compliments and never quite knowing how to respond."
"That is exactly what Mary said," Mrs. Bennet replied. "It is very hard on a girl who is not so out-going. And your sister is without her mother too, the poor dear."
"Yes, my aunts will be there to chaperone her during her comeout," said Darcy. "But I am afraid they are not always as supportive as Georgiana might wish."
Mrs. Bennet felt very sorry for the girl and offered her condolences. "I cannot imagine how it was for her, growing up without both of her parents. And then to face the society for the first time with women who are not so intimate, and cannot understand her like a mother would."
Fortunately it did not take long for Miss Bingley to come up with the solution.
"You must marry, Mr. Darcy. Then dear Miss Darcy might have the guidance of a loving elder sister when she comes out."
"I thank you for the thought," Darcy said. "I will consider it."
"But I am sure it will not be as difficult as she thinks," Miss Bingley said. "She is so pretty, and so accomplished, and so elegant, and with such a dowry besides. She will be the belle of every ball and have a grand time of it."
"If she is well-dowered and passably good-looking she will have to beat suitors off with a stick," Mrs. Bennet said.
"That is her abhorrence," Darcy said. "To be beset with fortune hunters and never to know if anyone who claims to like her means it with any honesty."
"Oh, you may tell her that everyone must like her, as she is very likable," said Miss Bingley. "But she needs a female friend,A trusted, more experienced female friend who can navigate the treacherous waters with her and help weed out the... the..."
"The waterplants?" Mr. Hurst suggested. "The algae that stick to one's legs while wading?"
"Unfortunately she is also wary of female friends," Darcy said. "She has had some bad experiences with amiable but insincere overtures, by ladies who were less interested in her friendship and more interested in acquiring her dowry for their brothers and nephews and cousins. And she has felt that some young women have flattered her appearance and complimented her playing and fawned on her, not because they were desirous of her friendship but because they hoped to marry Pemberley."
"Not you?" Elizabeth asked.
"Pemberley is larger," Darcy said. "They see it first."
"I can be her friend," Lydia said. "I have no brothers to worry about and if she has an ugly bonnet I promise to tell her so straight away. And why on earth would I wish to marry Mr. Darcy just to live in some rural backwater that is too remote for a dinner party? No offense, Mr. Darcy."
"None taken," Darcy said.
"Certainly, Pemberley might be a little off the beaten path and it could be difficult to gather a large crowd at a short notice," said Miss Bingley. "But sometimes quality trumps quantity, and people at Pemberley might have no cause to repine if they had the chance to socialise with, say, your relations, the earl and his family."
"My uncle dislikes travelling so he is a visitor we very seldom see," Darcy said. "So if you want to chat with an earl at Pemberley you must bring your own."