Chapter 41 - The Power of Friendship

** Warning for child abuse **

Sirius had been asleep when James called him on the two way mirror. It had taken him a minute to realise what had woken him up. It was still dark (or as dark as it ever got in the city). But then he noticed the mirror vibrating on his bedside table.

He frowned as he picked it up. "Prongs?" He said, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes.

He was instantly alert as he saw James in the mirror. He was white a sheet and he looked terrible. "What is it? What's happened?" He asked quickly.

"I can't say." James said, shaking his head. "Not like this. Can you come round?"

In a heartbeat. "In half an hour." He said. The journey to James' parents' house was technically longer than that, but the muggles didn't have a flying motorbike (or his disregard for the rules).

Promising James it would be alright (whatever it was), he quickly pulled on some clothes, grabbed his keys and headed for the front door.

"Oh bloody hell, what now?" He asked Mrs Timms' cat, Mabel, as the tortoiseshell greeted him on the apartment block stairs. He'd fed the blasted thing already that night (the old woman had asked if he'd mind feeding her beloved pet while she was on holiday.) "Oh go on then." He said impatiently, opening his neighbour's door with a tap of his wand and levitating some food into the bowl for the cat, which she fell instantly upon as though she'd been starved for days.

"You're welcome." He said as she meowed back at him as if in thanks.

It was strange (if a little annoying) how in the last few years (since Padfoot had been born, incidentally) cats had become more and more attracted to him.

"Oh you're a natural!" Mrs Timms had said on seeing him with her pet in his arms as he'd carried his groceries into the building one day.

In truth, the cat had jumped up. He hadn't wanted it there! But he didn't dare tell his cat loving neighbour that he'd actually never been a cat person (he did his best to avoid the Potters' pet when it approached him at their house too).

"She can probably smell dog on me." Sirius had said automatically. "Er, my parents'." He hastily amended. "They're dog mad. We've got a black dog at home called Snuffles. They just adore him."

"Oh how lovely!" Mrs Timms had cried, taking Mabel from his arms (Mabel yowled and clawed her face). "Won't you come in for a cup of tea? I'd love to hear more about Snuffles! What a lucky dog he sounds."

He hadn't minded. Of course he'd had to wildly invent a lot (he was working for the police, no his parents didn't mind him living alone so young, and no, he wouldn't mind taking care of Mabel when she went to Cornwall next week with her secret lover.) Bloody hell. You give people an inch…

He revved up his motorbike and set off east. It was very quiet at this time of night and the only people he saw out were the late night party goers or the odd business person en route to catch an early train or flight. He increased his speed as he joined the motorway and, despite his concerns for his friend, grinned at the familiar rush of wind on his face as he zoomed down the clear road. This really was the only way to travel.

Oh sodding hell. Where had they come from?

He glanced in his side mirror to see, as feared and expected, flashing blue lights. What did the muggle police want with him now?! He'd been pulled over once already for 'going too fast' (which was ridiculous as he wasn't that far over the 100mph speed limit - it was 100, right?) but fortunately the female officer had let him off with a warning (and then given him her number).

No time to stop and chat… he thought, pressing his finger on the invisibility button he and James had attempted to install that Easter. Emphasis on 'attempted'. The sodding thing wasn't working.

Extracting his wand with some difficulty from his pocket, he cast a disillusionment charm on the bike and then on himself.

He laughed as he veered into another lane, imagining the looks of disbelief on the muggles' faces as he disappeared from view. 'A vanishing motorbike on the M4' was surely not going to be a topic of conversation for anyone back in the office later. Muggles were all so scared to be seen as going mad it made them (to Sirius' mind) madder still. If it wasn't so funny it might have been quite maddening…

He arrived at Potter Manor, dumped the bike in the front drive and ran to the front door. It burst open as if by magic (literally) and he hurried into the family's front room where James and Lily sat with James' parents.

"What's happened?" He asked anxiously. The atmosphere was like that of a funeral.

"Voldemort killed Lily's parents."

Ah, that would be why then.

"Fuck." He said, as he could think of nothing else to say. "Are you OK?"

"We're fine. Just a bit shaken up." James said, squeezing Lily's shoulders.

"Drink, Sirius?" Euphemia, who was in a pink dressing gown, asked him. "I'd offer you a butterbeer but as it's almost morning, perhaps coffee?"

"Thanks." He said, smiling back at her.

He took a seat next to James and Lily. He supposed he ought to say something consoling to Lily right now. He knew that most people would probably be upset if their parents died. "I'm sorry, Evans." He said. That sounded about right, didn't it?

Silent tears leaked from Lily's eyes, making Sirius panic a little (he hadn't meant to make her cry!)

"I was fucking useless." James said to him and he looked on the verge of tears too.

Oh blimey. What was he supposed to do now? He glanced around quickly for Euphemia but of course she'd already left for the kitchen.

"It's OK mate." He said awkwardly patting James on the back. "You did your best. It's not like there's a fucking blueprint for what to do when sodding Voldemort turns up on your front doorstep, is there?"

"Quite right." Fleamont agreed, ignoring his language. "You're alive, James. You both are. That's enough." It absolutely was. Sirius couldn't imagine what he'd do if anything happened to James.

"Lily was great." James said. "It's thanks to her we still are."

"He didn't really want to kill us." Lily said thickly. "He wanted us on his side."

"And he thought killing your folks would persuade you?" Sirius said incredulously. Voldemort must have Lily confused with himself. But he knew it wasn't the right time to make jokes. "That's awful." He said instead.

"It wasn't Voldemort who did it." James said. "I don't know why they did it."

"They didn't need to die." Lily wept. "Why couldn't they have just died naturally!" She fell into renewed sobs but fortunately Euphemia arrived with the drinks at that point and she of course knew exactly what to do next.

…

Dumbledore arrived at the Potters' in the early hours of the morning. "Oh blast!" They heard him exclaim as he presumably bumped his head in the fireplace.

"Albus!" Fleamont said, getting to his feet and shaking Dumbledore's hand as he clambered out of the grate like Father Christmas coming down the chimney.

"Monty." Dumbledore smiled, removing his purple hat and waving his wand at the carpet to restore it to its ash-free state. "And dear Euphemia!" He kissed James' mother on the cheek. He turned to James and Lily. "Quite some practice for your defence against the dark arts NEWT..."

Well, it was nice to know Sirius wasn't the only one who made jokes at inappropriate times.

"Coffee, Albus?" Euphemia asked him, holding up the cafetière which had sustained them through most of the night.

Dumbledore took a mug (this time with the words 'keep calm and make magic') and sat comfortably down. The Potters' cat Percy leapt instantly onto his lap, eyeing Sirius as though expecting him to react jealously. Sirius couldn't have cared less.

"I'm glad to see you boys took my words to you both in your second year to heart." Dumbledore said to James and Sirius. "We certainly do need our friends at times like these. Particularly when it comes to fighting Lord Voldemort." He added darkly.

"What's the plan?" Sirius asked him. "What can we do to find the bastards who did it?" He wanted to act. He wanted to fight. There must be something they could do that would be helpful for the Order.

"You can study for your NEWTs and support James and Lily as best you can through this." Dumbledore told him. "That is where you will be of most use."

Oh how bloody useless was that?!

"Sorry sir, but I don't agree. There must be some way we can help find the… prats who did this. Moody told us there were some death eaters knocking around Knockturn Alley just before Christmas. Why don't we pitch a stakeout round there?" He and James were rather good at stakeouts.

"And will you do this during or after your exams?" Dumbledore said with a wry smile.

"I'll do it right now!" Sirius said, making to stand up, but Dumbledore put out a hand.

"Absolutely not." He said. "There will come a time when you will be of use to the Order, but as your headmaster, I must insist you concentrate on your examinations. That is what is most important now."

How the ruddy hell was regurgitating memorised facts more important than taking down known death eaters?

"I thought you said fighting Voldemort was good defence againt the dark arts exam practice." He reminded Dumbledore in as calm a voice as he could manage. "Well why can't I get out there and try it too?" The headmaster ought to offer all his students equal opportunities, after all.

"Keep 'trying it' with me young man and I'll put you in detention." Dumbledore said.

James laughed and Sirius grinned reluctantly too. He supposed it was easy to forget they were still in school sometimes.

"These men, what did they look like?" Dumbledore said, turning to James and Lily who proceeded to give him a full description. "Hmm. It sounds like Travers and Dolohov." He said frowning.

"Travers? Isn't he the one who works at the ministry?" Sirius said. He'd overheard Malfoy and Lestrange discussing the man at his parents' house once.

"That's right." Dumbledore said.

"Well then let's go!" Sirius said, actually standing up now. "He'll be arriving for his shift any minute. We'll spike his morning coffee with veritaserum, get a confession and chuck the sod in Azkaban!" What were they waiting for?!

"Sit down please." Dumbledore said and, despite it not being his house, he was clearly able to be in command of any situation as for reasons still quite unknown to Sirius, he obeyed.

"While I do admire your enthusiasm, this is not the right way to go about it." Dumbledore said. "The situation is complex and taking rash action will not help matters. We must tread carefully."

Oh this was so frustrating! Why was everyone so bloody careful about everything?! So what if they exposed a ministry worker as a death eater? People had to hear the truth some time. What was wrong with right now?!

"I'm sorry." He said, doing his best to keep his temper under control (but probably failing hopelessly). "But I don't think that's a good idea. The longer we wait, the more time it gives the death eaters to take their next sordid action."

"Thank you for your opinion, Sirius, I will bear it in mind."

Which was basically just a polite way of saying 'fuck off'.

He scowled. How could Dumbledore think they could win this war by waiting? The time to act was surely right now!

Some of this must have shown on his face for Dumbledore sighed. "The time will come." He told him gently. "But it has not come just yet. We must be patient."

And so, though it pained him greatly to do it, he took Dumbledore's advice and went back to Hogwarts to sit his bloody NEWTs.

Poor Lily was still very upset. "I still don't understand why they had to die." She told them all in the common room one night. "It just seems so cruel!"

"How's Petunia?" James asked, squeezing her shoulders again.

"Still not talking to me." Lily said sadly. "I think she blames me for what happened." She sniffed.

"It wasn't your fault. If it was anyone's fault, it's mine."

"It's no one's fucking fault." Sirius said fiercely before Lily could say anything. "Sorry, let me amend that. It's Voldemort's, Travers' and Dolohov's fault."

He scowled darkly. "I can't believe Dumbledore thinks we should do nothing."

"Is that what he said?" Remus said, eyebrow raised in a half amused, half questioning sort of way over his textbook.

"For once, Moony, I'm telling the truth." Sirius said, turning to him. "Prongs was there, he'll vouch for me."

"He's half right." James told Remus. "He said we should be revising for our exams. I'm not sure what he and the Order are doing."

"Exams." Sirius snorted. "It's ridiculous. What could they possibly teach us that we don't already know?"

"And this is why people say you're arrogant, mate." James said.

"Who says I'm arrogant? I'm not arrogant. I just think most of the stuff they tell us we have to learn here is bloody pointless."

"Not going to have any flutterby bushes in your garden that'll need pruning one day?" James asked him with a wry smile.

"Well now that is important." Sirius said, grinning. He loved flutterby bushes. "But that's what I mean. If you decide something's useful for yourself, then it is. Why should what we know be dictated to us by the stuffy old blokes at the ministry who set the papers? I think we're all agreed on the fact that the ministry doesn't have a fucking clue about anything. We need to think for ourselves. And if you ask me, I think NEWT charms is a sodding waste of time."

"No one asked you." Remus said crossly, repositioning his charms textbook in a dignified sort of way. "You can do things how you like once we graduate, but right now we've got our exams, and I'm afraid they were written by the ministry, not by you."

Oh this was so frustrating. Couldn't his friends see how bloody important all this was? "Why do you have to do things by the book all the time?" He asked Remus.

Remus looked quite cross now too. "Because it's quite literally the syllabus." He said, holding up the textbook. "Look, I don't argue with the things you do that I don't agree with. Can't you offer me the same courtesy?"

"What have I ever done that you don't agree with?" Sirius asked, genuinely bewildered.

Remus gave him a cold look. "How about every interaction you've ever had with Severus Snape."

Sirius glared at him. Couldn't he give it a sodding rest about Snape?! "Oh go on then, Moony, defend Snivellus to us all again. The innocent third party here, is he? Sure you wouldn't rather be friends with him instead? He's never done anything not 'by the book' in his whole snivelling life, has he?"

"Don't talk to Moony like that!" James said crossly.

Sirius glared at James too. They didn't get it. Neither of them got it. You couldn't just let your life be dictated to you by other people. That's how Voldemort had got as far as he'd got in the first place.

"You're being a prat." James told him. Was he?! "Moony's right. You need to let him and Wormtail and, sod it, me, get on with our exams if that's what we want to do. Not everyone thinks the same way you do."

'They bloody should' was what he wanted to say. "I know." He said instead, sighing as he ran his hands through his hair. "I just wish I could bloody do something."

"I've got something you can do, Padfoot." Remus said.

Sirius looked at him. His friend was smiling in his Remus-like way. Oh please be something good.

"You can test me on cheering charms."

…

In the end, the exams were fine. He'd remembered enough to jot down answers to most of the questions, and whatever he didn't know, he made up.

Defence against the dark arts was of course a doddle, as they'd been rehearsing defensive spells all year and he'd be very surprised if he didn't get an outstanding at least on that.

Charms was quite easy too. Fortunately he had taken Moony up on his offer to test him before the exam, as cheering charms did come up in the practical. And it had cheered him up.

But not as much so as Peter, who emerged from the great hall in a state of mild hysteria.

"Oh what a breeze that was!" He laughed, causing Sirius to stare at him. Peter had done nothing but complain about how impossibly hard all their other exams had been so far, and it had taken the combined efforts of James and Remus (and Sirius when he could be bothered) to cheer him up afterwards. Now it seemed none of them needed to.

"Wormtail!" James laughed. "What's happened to you?!"

"Oh charms! Oh I am charmed! And I am oh so very charm-ingggg!" He sang, actually swinging himself over the bannister as they made their way into the entrance hall.

"I think he might have overdone it on the practical." Remus said, quite obviously.

Sirius grinned. It was nice to see Wormtail have a bit of fun for a change. He'd been wound up like a tight, irritable spring in the run up to their exams.

"My name's Peter, it's really great to meet-ye, and I like to singggg!"

"You tell 'em, Wormtail." Sirius laughed as the Ravenclaw girls he'd been serenading gave him a look of alarm and scurried away.

"Can't catch 'em all." Sirius said consolingly.

When the effects of the cheering charm had finally worn off, Peter was thoroughly embarrassed. "Why did you let me talk to so many girls?" He asked in mortification that night in the common room.

"You've got to learn how eventually." Sirius told him. "You're bound to make a tit of yourself once in a while. Everyone does."

"You don't."

"You just need practice." James said to their friend. "Why don't you ask… Mary on a date. Or Moony, would that ruffle your feathers?"

"Wrong metaphor mate." Sirius told him. "Moony has fur."

"Mary and I are just friends." The human Moony said from where he was studying for their next exam. "If you like I can put in a good word." He said, smiling at Peter.

"But then you'll have to learn to put a few in yourself when you actually meet for a date." Sirius told him. "That's your problem, Wormtail. You never actually talk to girls."

"While you never listen." Remus told him though he was still smiling. "You can't do both at the same time, you know."

"I listen! I listened enough to what Flitwick told us about cheering charms not to send myself into hysteria."

"Oh don't bring it up again!" Peter said, burying his face in his hands and groaning.

"And you've got to be kind." Remus added, frowning at Sirius. "That's very important." He told Peter and Sirius didn't contradict him on that.

"I doubt we'll have much time for dating when we're in the Order." Sirius told the others. "Well, unless we're Prongs and Evans, who can combine the two."

James grinned. "We are pretty lucky, aren't we?"

He certainly was. Sirius had never seen his best friend as happy as he was right now, hell, he'd never seen anyone as happy as James was right now!

He and Lily had asked Sirius to be best man at their wedding this summer and he was looking forward to it immensely. He'd not (for obvious reasons) been invited to Bellatrix or Narcissa's weddings to Rodolphus and Lucius and as the only weddings he'd been to as a child had been full of his family, he was looking forward to a chance to celebrate with firewhisky and (more importantly) people he actually liked.

Before that, however, there were the rest of the exams to get through, as well the preparations for the end of their Hogwarts careers.

"I don't know what everyone's getting so emotional about." Sirius said, frowning over at Sylvie and Mary who were crying over what appeared to be a photo album. "It's not like we won't see each other again or anything."

James mooched over to the girls and peered over Sylvie's shoulder. James was just one of those people who seemed to think his company was welcome anywhere. Oh well, he'd better go and join him.

"Aww, there's a photo of you here, mate." James said, taking the album from the girls and showing it to Sirius.

It was a picture of him and Sylvie, aged thirteen or fourteen, grinning at the camera with their arms around one another. They did look very happy.

What was that strange feeling in his chest?

"Aha, cute." He said, quickly handing the album back to James. His eyes met Sylvie's and he looked hastily away. Why did it suddenly feel so hot in here?

"What are you girls' plans for when we graduate?" James asked, taking a seat on the arm of Mary's chair.

"I'm training as a healer and Mary wants to work in muggle liaison." Sylvie told him.

"It means I can spend more time with my family." Mary explained. "I'm muggleborn, you see, so I'd like to work with muggles. It doesn't require many NEWTs either, thank goodness, as I won't be getting many! She laughed self-deprecatingly.

"What about you two?" Sylvie asked James and Sirius.

"Auror training." James said. "If we get the grades of course." It wasn't entirely a lie. Moody had set it all up for them (at least on paper), so it was a good cover story for what they'd really be doing once they graduated.

"Like Lily." Mary said, smiling at James. "Congratulations, by the way. I don't think I've had a chance to say it to you yet."

"Thanks." James smiled at her. "You must come to the wedding. Lily's organising the invites, but of course you're both on the list."

They promised him they'd be there, and the boys returned to 'their section' of the common room - a tradition that had spanned seven years.

"What's up?" James asked Sirius, startling him back to the present from where he'd been staring out of the window.

"Nothing." He said quickly, turning back to James and smiling.

"Padfoot, I've known you for seven years. There's nothing you can hide from me."

Sirius groaned. Sod it, he was right.

"OK." He sighed. "There is something. But it's a bit…" how could he phrase this. "I dunno. Embarrassing, I suppose."

"More embarrassing than that time you streaked through the great hall after losing that bet with Moony?"

Sirius grinned at the memory. It had been a pretty stupid thing for him to have suggested as a forfeit since everyone lost against Moony at chess. And if the nudity itself hadn't been embarrassing enough, Dumbledore's words to him later in his office (after he was caught and sent there by a furious McGonagall) had really sent him over the edge. The headmaster had chuckled on seeing Sirius waiting for him, told him 'it is a shame so many are ashamed of their natural form' and that 'I myself streak on a daily basis. I just do it in my private quarters and not the great hall'. Which had been far too much information for anyone really.

"Nothing could be that embarrassing." He replied honestly.

"Well then how bad can it be?" James said, smiling at him expectantly.

Sirius glanced quickly over at Sylvie again and sighed. There really was no easy way to say this. "I think I'm a bit shit with girls."

James smiled. "You said it."

Sirius stared at him. Did James already know that? Sod it, of course he did. It felt like James knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.

"How do you do it?" He asked his friend, voice barely more than a whisper and immensely grateful the others had gone up to bed already.

"How do I do what?"

Oh did he really need to make him spell it out?

"How do you… do it with Evans?"

"Er, mate, I know we're eighteen now, but I really don't think this is the best place for a conversation like that."

"No, I don't mean like that." Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "I mean…" But sod it, what did he mean? The way they looked at one another, the way they finished each other's sentences, that indefinable something that always seemed in the air between them...

"You mean how do I treat her like a human being and not a fucking object?"

Ouch.

James sighed. "It's simple mate. You just need to trust people."

Simple?! That was about as simple as quantum mechanics (which Sirius knew little about besides from the fact that it was very complicated.)

"It's not rocket science." James said who looked like he might have guessed what Sirius had been thinking (or close enough).

"If you say so." He said, looking back out of the window.

"What are you so scared of?"

He turned back to James. Wasn't it fucking obvious?

His friend sighed. "Not everyone's your family."

Apparently so.

"I know you're not." He told James. Well, James was the family he'd chosen for himself. He'd never met anyone less like his stuffy relatives than James Potter, and not only because of his obsession with Gryffindor house.

"Well I'm not so strange." James said and Sirius chose not to comment. "Lily's not like them. And neither's Moony or Wormtail. Most people are pretty decent and do the right thing, you know. Not everyone would choose being pureblood over being a decent human being."

"They would in my world."

"Yeah, because your world's fucked up. Sorry mate, but that shit you told us about last summer isn't normal. It's not OK to lock your kids in fucking cellars." He was glaring at Sirius fiercely as though daring him to disobey.

That hadn't been the worst part about that particular childhood memory he'd shared with James and the others. The worst part had come later in St Mungo's. He'd been so terrified to have been trapped in the small dark space with the boggart (which had assumed the form of 'death' on seeing him) that he'd scrambled up the steps in a desperate attempt to escape, falling and breaking his arm as he did so.

His mother hadn't been at all impressed. "Oh we'll have to go to St Mungo's now!" She'd said unsympathetically on finding him on the cold stone floor. "It's your own fault." She added crossly as they walked to the hospital. "If you hadn't been so disobedient in the first place none of this would have happened."

They were seen by Healer Smethwyck (Sylvie's father, as he later discovered), who asked him what happened.

"He fell down the stairs." His mother said impatiently.

The healer frowned at her. "Can he speak for himself?"

"Yes of course he'll tell you the same thing." She turned to glare at him.

But that hadn't been right, Sirius realised. He hadn't broken his arm because he'd fallen down the stairs, he'd broken his arm because he'd disobeyed his mother. Isn't that what she'd said?

"I tried to go to the park." He said quietly, hoping this man wasn't going to shout at him too.

Healer Smethwyck had frowned at him, then at his mother, and excused himself for a minute.

"Why did you say that?" His mother said crossly once he'd left the room.

"Because that's what you told me happened." Sirius said, thoroughly confused now.

"No I didn't! I-"

But before she could twist things any more, Healer Smethwyck returned, this time accompanied by an old wizard who had a long white beard and wore green velvet robes and a tall, jewelled hat. He did indeed look like someone important. Perhaps he could help make sense of things.

"So, Healer Smethwyck tells me… Mrs Black!" He did a double take on seeing Sirius' mother and quickly hurried over to shake her hand. "How wonderful to see you! Hippocrates, this is Walburga Black." (Didn't Healer Smethwyck already know that?) "She and her husband are two of our most generous donors to St Mungo's. It's thanks to them that we could recently afford the 'Dangerous Dai Lewellyn' ward!" Even at the age of seven Sirius could appreciate the irony in this. "They truly are magnificent people."

Sirius' mother's face fell back into its usual smirk. She hadn't greeted the man warmly (she never greeted anyone warmly) but she seemed to have appreciated being recognised as someone important.

"Thank you, Derwent." She said to the healer. "I should very much like to see the new ward, if you would be so kind as to oblige me?"

"Absolutely! Of course!" Derwent said sycophantically. "Please, come with me. Er, are we all done here, Hippocrates?"

The young healer looked at Sirius. His blue eyes were full of regret. Sirius wondered if he would say something. If he would ask (as Sirius so desperately hoped he would) why he and his mother's stories didn't match and what was really going on here? It would have been so wonderful to have had someone understand and tell him what was happening wasn't right.

But Healer Smethwyck just sighed as he turned back to his superior. "Yes, Healer Derwent." Was all he said and in that moment Sirius understood the world. No one questioned anyone with authority, and particularly not his parents. They were just too powerful. It was pointless to try and fight it.

But he had fought it. And he'd won, hadn't he? At the age of sixteen he'd moved in with the Potters, he'd realised that they were right and his family was wrong. He'd listened to Dumbledore when he told him he wasn't a 'bad person', and that he didn't deserve his parents' treatment of him (despite him almost having murdered someone).

He could see how things were in James' world. He'd spent enough time with his family to know that for the Potters the world was kind, helpful, generous and caring. They listened to and were honest with one another. And they welcomed him as part of it.

James had trusted him and so had Dumbledore. He hadn't expelled him for what he'd done. He'd given him a second chance, to be a better person, to fight against his family, and of course he'd taken up the challenge. He'd join the Order and he'd fight to tear down the whole fucking lot of them. Let the pillars of pureblood society burn in hell. He couldn't fucking wait.

And he'd be fighting alongside others. Others who hated his family too.

He smiled as he thought of Marlene.

He didn't think the McKinnons were ever actually friends with the Blacks, but they were an influential family and usually invited to the same events as Sirius' family. Sirius had been delighted to discover that another child had a sense of humour and he and Marlene had caused as much mischief as they could at every party they had attended together after that.

He remembered her now, as a feisty ten-year-old at the Lestranges' manor house, her hands on her hips as she'd shouted at his dad that it was unfair to wallop him for trying to hex the punch as they hadn't even managed it yet. "Here, I'll prove it!" She'd said, taking a glass from the table and pouring a measure for the adult.

Eyeing her suspiciously, Orion Black took the glass from her. He took a sip and then he clutched a hand to this throat as his whole face turned purple. His eyes widened in alarm and then, to Sirius' delight and amazement, let out a magnificent burp. It was so loud it echoed around the whole room and was surely heard by everyone (though Sirius was laughing too hard to look).

"We put belching powder in it instead." Marlene told his dad, which was, of course, quite obvious.

Of course this act of rebellion, while funny, hadn't made things any easier for Sirius when they got home. But the knowledge that the man had been made to look ridiculous had sustained him through through most of it. Laughter really was its own kind of medicine, as was whatever it was Marlene had helped him to see.

"Knut for your thoughts?" James asked.

"They're worth at least a galleon."

James laughed. "You're worth all the gold in Gringotts, mate. But you know that already, thanks to your uncle basically giving you half of it."

Sirius grinned. Being 'fortunate' had never mattered much to him. He'd been 'fortunate' his whole life and look how fucking miserable he was? It was in meeting James Potter that he truly understood what the word meant.

"I'd give it all up for you, mate." He said honestly. After all, what was more truly powerful than friendship?

"Good song." James said, gesturing vaguely at the radio over the quidditch magazine he'd picked up in a classic British attempt to avoid a compliment. "Bowie, right?"

It was indeed. Sirius' uncle had played it to him when it was first released in 1972. They'd been at his house (of course they weren't allowed muggle music at Grimmauld Place), and they'd been sitting on his uncle's terrace, looking up at the stars. "There's Arcturus, there's Orion, there's me - hi! And there's you. Sirius is the brightest star in the sky, did you know that?" Of course he hadn't.

Alphard had smiled at him, just as James was smiling at him now. Like he liked him. And Sirius finally could recognise what it was he'd been searching for the name of. That feeling in his chest, that indefinable 'thing'. It was, of course, love. Dumbledore really was a very good teacher.

"You're learning." Sirius told him with a smile. James was usually hopeless with muggle music. He'd thought Queen was the monarch's personal singer for fuck's sake.

"So are you." James replied.

And Sirius supposed he was right. James had helped him to see that what was worth learning could never be taught and what people often told him was right, often wasn't. Maybe this was why he was so determined to get out there and fight (how much he'd love others to see how fucked up pureblood society was too?!) but he knew Dumbledore was right. He had to trust that he knew what he was doing with the Order. The time would come when it was right.

And he supposed he'd also have to trust the others in the Order too. He knew his friends would never betray him, but could the same be said for Lily, Moody, Marlene...

He smiled again at the thought of his old friend. He'd had a letter from her, wanting to meet him for a drink. She said she liked him. And he thought, at long last, he might be ready to believe her.

….

A/N: Thank you everyone for reading (and especially reviewing!) my story. Your connection to it makes all the difference in the universe.