Author's Note:

Hello and thank you for continuing to read and review!

Most of you seem to agree that Edward deserves to move on with his life, but that he needs to tell everyone the truth about Tanya. I totally get it, but he's kept this secret for so long that it's hard to put it out there now. Plus, let's face it, Alice would never believe him at this point, so it wouldn't really accomplish anything where she's concerned.

You all also mostly agree that B&E won't be able to resist much longer, and you just may be right, but they are stubborn…so let's see where we are now and how long it takes them to cave if they are going to…

I don't own it.

Chapter 11

BPOV

Monday morning, I nearly called into work and stayed in bed, but I knew I needed to stay busy to avoid thinking about Edward. I thought I'd hidden it well, but apparently, I looked like I'd had a rough night because it didn't take Angela two seconds to notice something was wrong. I only walked by her desk and said good morning like I did every day, but that was all it had taken for her to see through my facade. I had not slept well the night before, and what little time I did spend asleep had been filled with images of Edward. Previously, my dreams of him had been bittersweet, as my unconscious mind had played out scenarios that would never happen but were nice to experience even if they weren't real. But last night, I couldn't reach him, no matter what I did in the dreams, he was always just beyond my fingertips. Trying to shake off the gloom, I dropped into my chair and opened the drawer I kept my purse in just as Angela slipped in and closed the door behind her.

"What's wrong? What happened?" she asked without preamble.

"Nothing happened. What do you mean?" I asked, trying to feign nonchalance. I really didn't want to get into it, but I should have known my friend couldn't be deterred that easily.

"Bella, don't lie to me. I know you, and I know you're upset about something. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but you know you'll feel better if you get it off your chest," she said.

I wanted to be annoyed at her, but I knew she was right. For a moment, I couldn't help but compare her to Alice. She was persistent, but only because she cared, not because she had an ulterior motive. I sighed in defeat and prepared to launch into my tale of recent events. She knew about the fight with Alice, but I hadn't admitted my feelings for Edward. I swallowed hard before speaking, willing myself not to cry.

"Ok, fine, you win. I've told you a little about the fight with Alice, but Edward and I both agreed that she was being irrational and didn't get to tell us that we couldn't be friends, so we've continued to talk, and we've seen each other several times over the last few weeks. We've had lunch a couple of times, and I had dinner with him and Maggie last weekend, and then last week I cooked dinner for them after I picked up Maggie from school." I told Angela about all my conversations with Edward, including the truth about his relationship with Tanya. I knew she'd never betray my confidence, and it explained a lot about my friendship with Edward.

"None of this tells me why you're upset," Ang said, interrupting me.

"I'm getting there. You have to let me finish," I snapped at her. She arched an eyebrow and nodded, indicating I should keep talking.

"Sorry," I said, "I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just tired. Anyway, when Edward and Maggie were leaving the other night Maggie had to run into the kitchen to get her school bag, and while she was gone Edward kind of…um…kissed me." I paused, waiting for a reaction, but Angela merely looked at me and signaled for me to continue, so I did.

"It was just a peck really, but it was still the most intense kiss I'd ever had, until last night." I stopped again, knowing the retelling of the night before would not be easy.

"What happened last night?" Angela asked softly, prompting me to go on. Before I spoke, I sighed heavily and closed my eyes in a vain attempt to distance myself from the story. It didn't work of course, but at least I could hide from the judgement I was sure to see on my friend's face. Knowing I couldn't stall forever, I relayed the events of the evening before. Angela remained silent for a moment, and I couldn't stop a tear from falling as I finished the tale. After a long minute, I couldn't take the silence anymore, so I opened my eyes, ready to meet Angela's admonishments head on. Before I could speak up, though, Angela held up her hand.

"So, let me get this straight," she began. "You've formed a connection with Edward, are ridiculously attracted to him and now know he feels the same way, so explain to me why you are at work today looking more depressed than you did when Jacob the Dickhead cheated on you? You're obviously in love with Edward, so I don't understand why you spent last night alone in bed, crying, if the bags under your eyes are any indication, instead of wrapped around the man you love experiencing multiple orgasms."

I stared at Angela in shock. That was certainly not what I expected her to say. She must have read my mind, because she leaned forward and reached across my desk for my hand.

"I know that's not what you expected," she said, "but it's true. Why did you push him away if it's this painful?"

"Angela, he's married!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, technically that's true," she conceded and held up a hand to stop me when I would have interrupted. "He is married, but you just told me yourself that his marriage was over before Tanya's accident."

"Yeah, but just because they would have divorced doesn't change the fact that they didn't. He says he can't put me in that position, and I couldn't ask him to cheat either. We've both been cheated on and it's not fun."

"Look, Bells, I know you're uber sensitive to the cheating thing after what Jacob did to you, but you know this isn't the same thing," Angela said softly.

"How can you even say that? I can't believe you, a pastor's daughter, are encouraging me to have an affair with a married man."

She sighed and looked at me sadly, then said, "Bella, I'm not encouraging you to have an affair, but you're right, normally this would be a hard line for me, and I'd tell you to stay far away from him. This is different, though. You love him, and he's not married in anything more than name now. He's one step from being a widower, and while that doesn't change the facts, all I'm saying is don't give up. I have a feeling you and Edward could be really good together."

With that, she stood up and walked out of my office, knowing there wasn't anything left to say. I sat back and thought about what she'd said. Was she right? Did I love him? The pain I felt knowing I couldn't be with him said yes. If it wasn't love, I didn't think I'd be so devastated. I hadn't felt this bad when I'd walked in on Jacob and Lauren and known my marriage was over. I dropped my head into my hands, unable to stop the tears as I realized Angela was right. I was in love with Edward Cullen. My heart wanted to soar with the intensity of the feeling, but it was shackled with the knowledge that we could never be. Regardless of how I felt, it didn't change the fact he was married and as he'd said last night, he wouldn't put me in that position.

In an effort to keep my mind off of Edward, I threw myself into work the rest of the week. Edward texted me a couple of times, but I didn't respond, knowing I had to create some distance, at least until I was confident I could keep my feelings buried. I wasn't exactly pleasant to be around, but Angela dragged me to lunch each day until Thursday to keep me from wallowing alone in my office. Thursday morning, I was sitting quietly in my office, having gotten so far ahead on my work that I didn't have much to keep me occupied. I could always work on one of the many manuscripts that came through the publishing house daily, but I was having a hard time staying focused. Thursdays had always been my usual day to see Alice, and I found that despite her recent behavior, I missed her. I knew she'd been unfair to me many times over the years if I were honest with myself, but I wasn't ready to completely write her off as a friend. I'd been unconsciously waiting on her to bridge the gap and apologize, but I knew that was unlikely, so it was up to me. I didn't feel like I had anything to apologize for, but it turns out she hadn't been entirely wrong about me and Edward, so maybe it wouldn't hurt for me to make the effort. Not that I'd ever tell her she was right, of course. After a short debate with myself, I decided to reach out and hastily sent a text message before I could change my mind.

Hey, how are you? -B

That was simple enough. I was opening the door without committing to anything. If she didn't answer or immediately started a fight again, I could shut it down. I was still apprehensive, considering the last couple of encounters with Alice had been really ugly, so I anxiously waited for her reply when I saw the blinking dots at the bottom of the screen.

I'm alright, how are you? – A

I'm okay. Busy today? – B

No, not too bad. Want to get some lunch? – A

I was a little surprised at the easy exchange and the lunch invitation, but I knew it was Alice's way of trying to move on. It didn't mean I would just forgive and forget, but I'd been the one to reach out and there didn't seem to be any reason to decline. I'd keep my guard up though.

Yeah, lunch sounds good. Meet at Carlo's at noon? – B

Yep, see you there. – A

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then glanced at the clock and noted I had about an hour before I needed to leave. I wasn't completely optimistic that having lunch with Alice wouldn't turn out to be a disaster, so I tried to mentally prepare myself for the possibility. I was still hurt by the things she'd said recently, but I wasn't as upset as I had been in light of recent events. After my internal pep talk, I checked my email again and then decided I may as well head to lunch. I was as ready as I'd ever be.

I arrived at the restaurant about fifteen minutes early, so I went on inside and got us a table. I ordered a glass of wine when I sat down, figuring it may help calm my nerves. I didn't often drink at lunch during a workday, but today felt like a perfect day to make an exception. Just as the waitress dropped off my glass and I took a sip; I saw Alice coming through the door. I waved to catch her attention and she wove through the tables to get to the corner where I was seated.

"Hey," she said as she pulled out the chair across from me and sat.

"Hey, how is your day going?" I asked, thinking it was ridiculous that conversation was so stilted with my best friend of more than twenty years. Alice responded that her day was fine and told me a little about a new shipment she'd received. We made polite small talk for a time as we ordered then waited for our food to arrive. Despite the innocent topics we were sticking to, I couldn't help but wait for the other shoe to drop. Alice was saying the right things, and someone who didn't know her as well as I did wouldn't have known anything was out of the ordinary, but I could tell she was holding back. She didn't seem angry, but she was far from her usual bubbly self. After the waitress dropped off our plates, the moment I'd been dreading arrived.

"So, how's Edward?" Alice asked, trying too hard to make the question sound innocent.

"I don't really know. I haven't talked to him in a while," I said. I hoped the ache I felt in my heart at having no contact with him didn't come through in my voice.

"Oh, really?" she asked, sounding relieved. "I haven't talked to him either. I guess he's pretty upset with me."

"Can you blame him, Alice? You said some really hurtful things to both of us," I pointed out.

"I know, but I'm glad you texted me," she responded quietly. I waited for a moment, but I knew that was as close to an apology as I was likely to get. As much as I would have loved for her to grovel a little, I'd known I wouldn't get any more than that when I'd reached out to her, so I let it go.

"So, Jazz and I are hosting game night tomorrow night. Are you coming?" Alice asked later as we ate our lunch.

As much as I wanted to be with my friends, I wasn't ready to see Edward. Knowing I couldn't tell her that but needing a legitimate reason for being unable to attend, I went with the first thing that popped into my head. "No, I can't make it. Angela and Ben want to have a date night, so I told her I'd keep Hannah for the evening."

I hated to lie, but I couldn't tell her the truth and I was afraid she'd push it if I just said I couldn't be there. For the rest of lunch, Alice acted more like her usual self and surprisingly, she didn't bring up Tanya at all. I hadn't completely forgotten everything that had happened, but by the time we finished lunch and each heading back to work, I felt like I had my friend back.

Once I was back at the office, I attempted to turn my little white lie into the truth and offered to keep Hannah the next night, but unfortunately Angela and Ben were leaving the next afternoon to spend the weekend in Tacoma with Ben's parents. I was disappointed because spending the evening with Hannah would have kept my mind off Edward and missing my friends, but that's what I got for lying I supposed. Oh well, I'd just spend a quiet night at home as I'd originally intended. I felt even worse when Rosalie texted me later that afternoon asking about game night and I had to lie to her as well, but it couldn't be helped at that point, so I told her the same story I'd given Alice.

The rest of Thursday and Friday passed slowly, but finally, I was home for the weekend. I glanced at the clock and noticed it was almost six. I knew my friends were gathering and I wished I could be there, but I knew I wasn't ready to be around Edward yet. My feelings were still too raw and there was no way I could pretend I didn't feel more for him than just friendship right now. So here I was, dressed in a pair of yoga pants and an old T-shirt, standing in my kitchen waiting for my dinner to heat in the oven. I was thinking about throwing a salad together to go with the lasagna I'd made and frozen a few weeks ago when my phone buzzed. I glanced down and saw Edward's name. I'd avoided him all week, but I couldn't resist unlocking the screen and reading the message.

Just got to Alice's. Wish you were here. I miss you. – E

My fingers itched to respond, to tell him I missed him, too, but I couldn't do it. I wasn't strong enough yet to just be friends and I had to keep my distance, so with a frustrated sigh I erased the text and put my phone on silent. Screw the salad, I thought as I reached for a wine glass. Tonight, I was going to enjoy my alcohol and carbs while I vegged on the couch.

Author's Note:

Oh, Bella…so stubborn. And kind of a glutton for punishment for reaching out to Alice, maybe? It's hard to let go of someone you've considered a friend for so long, though, so do you blame her for trying?

Next chapter, we'll be back with Edward and see where he's at after their encounter in the kitchen. I won't keep you waiting long! Let me know what you think!