Author's Note:

Thanks for continuing to read and review!

We're back with Edward here, and I'm not going to say too much. I'll just let you get into it!

I don't own any of it.

Chapter 12

EPOV

I plopped down on my couch and ran my hands through my hair. It had been a hell of a week. I hadn't talked to Bella since Sunday night and today was Friday. I'd texted her a few times and tried to call, but she'd never responded. I knew she was upset after the kiss, and this was exactly why I'd never planned to act on my feelings for her. I'd fucked up one of the best things in my life. Having Bella in my life was important, even if it wasn't in the capacity I truly wanted. Bella as just a friend was better than no Bella at all, but my dumb ass had lost all control and scared her away. It was pretty obvious Sunday that she was into it, but I was married, and I knew she respected that. I mean, her dickhead of a husband had cheated on her, so there's no way she'd be a 'homewrecker.' It didn't matter that there wasn't actually a home to wreck in this case, I wouldn't put her in that position. Cheating on my wife is literally the last thing I ever thought I'd do but developing feelings for Bella had shown me just how little I'd actually felt for Tanya. I'd cared about her of course, but I hadn't loved her like a husband should love his wife. I'd known that when I married her, but I hadn't allowed myself to acknowledge the truth. I wished now more than ever before that Tanya had never been in the accident, because then I'd be free. I wanted that more than anything, but what kind of dick would I be if I tried to end the marriage now? I'd been over these same thoughts a thousand times this week and had gotten nowhere. Cursing under my breath, I stood and headed upstairs to change clothes. l was due at Alice and Jasper's house in an hour for game night, but part of me really didn't want to go. The only reason I hadn't backed out was the hope that Bella would be there.

After changing clothes, I stuck my head in Maggie's room as I passed. It was a mess, so I knew what we'd be doing tomorrow afternoon. She was already with my parents for the night, or I'd probably use her as an excuse to skip game night. Since it couldn't be helped now, I continued downstairs and into the kitchen to grab the six-pack of beer I was taking with me tonight. I couldn't help but look at the counter where I'd had Bella wrapped around me five days before. I'd avoided my kitchen as much as possible the last few days, trying to avoid the memory, but it was useless. The thought that I may need to move to outrun that memory had crossed my mind, but I wasn't serious. I loved my house, with its open but warm floor plan and modern craftsmen feel. I had designed it myself and built it alongside Emmett about five years ago. I'd had the plans drawn up for twice as long as I'd had the house, before Tanya and I were even dating, but she had hated it, so I'd tucked them away after we married and hoped maybe someday, she'd change her mind. Instead, we'd bought this modern monstrosity of a house that was all metal and glass because Tanya had loved it. I'd gone along with it, but it hadn't taken me long after her accident to sell it and build my dream home. I'd never wanted to raise a child in that cold house, and I would never regret making this home for Maggie and myself. The only regret I had occasionally acknowledged was that there wasn't more family to fill it with. I'd drawn up the plans for the four bedrooms picturing at least two or three kids, but things hadn't worked out that way.

Shaking my head to rid myself of those thoughts, I grabbed the beer and went out to my truck and took off for the evening. I needed to shake off my mood before I got to Alice and Jasper's. Emmett had given me shit all week about the mood I was in, but I hadn't told him the cause and the last thing I needed was for everyone to start prying tonight if they could tell something was wrong. I figured I could make it through the evening, but I wasn't sure how I'd feel if Bella was there. I hoped she would be, but at the same time, I knew it might be best if she wasn't. I wanted to see her and talk to her, but in front of my family was not the time or place.

I pulled up to my sister and brother-in-law's house a few minutes before six and immediately saw that Emmett and Rose were already there, but Bella was not. I let myself into the house and walked toward the kitchen to put the beer in the fridge. Jasper was there checking on the food in the oven and I could hear the others in the living area.

"Hey, man, how's it going?" Jasper greeted me.

"Hey, pretty good, you?" I asked as I clapped him on the back.

"Not bad, just getting ready for mid-terms. Students are driving me crazy. You know, I chose to teach at the college level to avoid whiny kids with moms who called to demand I help their precious little babies, but somehow it still happens," he said with disgust.

I snorted a laugh, knowing just how little patience Jasper had for entitled kids who thought they could get through college without doing any of the work. "Well, keep fighting the good fight. Someone has to enlighten the young minds of our society."

"Ha. Enlighten. Hell, I'm just doing good these days to not strangle any of them," he said with a laugh. "I swear the older I get, the less patience I have. Although, I do genuinely believe the maturity level of these idiots decreases every year. I'm just grateful I have enough seniority these days to get out of teaching freshman level classes. I swear Maggie is more mature than most of those kids."

I laughed at the scowl on Jasper's face. "Better be careful man, you're gonna get a reputation as Scary Old Professor Whitlock," I teased.

"That's what I'm hoping for," he grinned and clapped my shoulder before leading the way to the room where Emmett, Rose, and Alice were gathered.

I sank down into one of the chairs near the fireplace as Jasper announced dinner would be ready in a few minutes. Rosalie and Alice greeted me with a smile and Emmett gave me a nod. I was hoping he wouldn't bring up what an ass I'd been all week, but I should have known I couldn't get that lucky.

"Hey, Eddie," he boomed. "I hope you went home from the office and pulled the stick out of your ass before you got here!" He laughed at his own wit and Rose reached over and smacked him on the back of the head, which just made him laugh harder.

"Sure did," I quipped with a smirk. "I'm looking forward to shoving it up yours later."

"Bring it, little brother!" Emmett challenged. He, Jasper, and Rose laughed, but Alice didn't look quite as amused as the others.

"Why has Edward had a stick up his ass?" Alice asked Emmett.

"I don't know, he wouldn't tell me. But he's been in a mood all week," Emmett said with a shrug. I knew he wasn't really all that concerned. He'd be there for me if I ever wanted to talk, but he didn't stress over much unless he knew it was really serious.

"What's with the mood, Edward?" Alice asked with a pointed look in my direction. The tone of her voice and the look on her face warned me to be careful with my answer. She was fishing for something that I didn't want to give her. Before I could answer, Rose spoke up.

"It happens to the best of us, working with this buffoon every day," Rose smirked then leaned over and gave Emmett a smacking kiss.

"Hey! You'd all be bored as hell without me! And Rosie, you know you'd be sad if you worked somewhere else. You'd miss the good lovin' like I gave you in my office this afternoon," he said as he waggled his eyebrows and hauled her onto his lap to nuzzle her neck. I groaned along with Jasper and Alice, but I was secretly grateful for Rose and Emmett taking the focus off me. I realized it had been deliberate when Rose caught my eye and winked before shoving off of Emmett and declaring she needed more wine. I wondered briefly what she knew, but I couldn't exactly ask her. I knew she and Bella talked, but I didn't really think Bella would have said anything about what happened, so I just chalked it up to intuition as I followed everyone into the dining room when Jasper announced dinner was ready.

I grabbed another beer before taking my seat at the table. It was clear at that point that Bella wasn't coming, but I couldn't help but wonder if she'd talked to Rose or Alice this week. It may have been stupid to bring it up, but I couldn't help but ask.

"So, I assume Bella isn't coming tonight?" I addressed the group, doing my best to act nonchalant, but I noticed Alice narrow her eyes slightly in my direction before her expression brightened.

"Oh, no, she couldn't make it. She had a date! She's super into this guy. I talked to her yesterday, and she couldn't stop talking about him!" Alice gushed. I immediately felt jealousy curl in my gut, even as the rational part of my brain questioned if Alice were being truthful. When I saw Rosalie swing her head toward Alice with a shocked look on her face, I knew my brain was on the right track.

"Really, that's interesting," Rose said coolly. "She told me yesterday that she was babysitting Angela and Ben's little girl."

Alice's face paled and it was obvious she was caught in a lie, but she squared her shoulders and told Rose, "Oh, um, you must have misunderstood. She was supposed to keep Hannah originally, but when this guy asked her out, she changed her plans."

If I wasn't sure Alice was lying before, I was positive now. Bella would never back out of a promise to her friend to go out with some schmuck and we all knew it. I watched as Rosalie narrowed her eyes at Alice and braced myself for a fight. She knew Alice was lying just like I did, and I fully expected her to call her out. Rosalie didn't put up with shit like that and I was a little amused that Alice thought she'd get away with such a blatant lie. Apparently, Emmett and Jasper knew a storm was brewing as well, because Jasper suddenly needed Alice's help in the kitchen and Emmett asked Rose a question about one of the kids to distract her. I had to admit that a part of me was a little disappointed that I didn't get to watch Rose put Alice in her place. A pissed off Rosalie was a spectacular sight to behold as long as you weren't on the receiving end of her wrath. I supposed it wasn't very brotherly of me to wish that on my little sister, but I was petty enough after her recent behavior to wish she'd gotten a little taste of her own medicine. It was probably for the best, though, because neither Rose nor Alice were known for backing down from a fight. Emmett was still talking softly to Rose trying to calm her down, so I decided to try and help him out.

I leaned across the table and spoke in a low voice. "Thanks for sticking up for Bella, Rose. We all know Alice is full of shit, but it's not worth the fight. The more any of us argue with her about her obsession with Bella's love life, the worse she'll get, and Bella will get the brunt of it when Alice starts playing matchmaker again." Rose closed her eyes and nodded, acknowledging I was right. She took a deep breath and then blushed and giggled softly as Emmett whispered something in her ear. I cocked an eyebrow in surprise at her expression. Rose never blushed, so I couldn't let that pass.

"I really don't want to know how sick and depraved my brother has to be to make you blush, but you just focus on that and ignore Alice and her bullshit," I said with a smirk. Rose burst out a laugh and Emmett looked proud of himself as he wrapped his arm around his wife. The light moment was cut short, though, as Alice and Jasper walked back into the dining room. Jasper sat down and started passing food around and Alice just sat quietly and picked at her food. By the time we were all nearly finished with our meals, though, the tension had eased for the most part.

After dinner, instead of playing any kind of game, we decided to watch a movie that had recently begun streaming on Netflix. I tried to pay attention, but I couldn't keep my mind from wandering to Bella. I wondered what she was really doing tonight. I didn't believe she was on a date like Alice wanted me to, but it didn't stop me from feeling a little sick at the thought that it could be true someday. I didn't want Bella to date anybody but me. It was selfish and stupid, but the thought of her with another man made me insanely jealous. This last week without even a text message from Bella had shown me how much I needed and wanted her in my life. As much as it would kill me to only be friends with her and potentially watch her fall for some guy someday, it was worth it to be near her. I suddenly felt her absence so acutely it felt like I'd been punched in the gut. As hard as it would have been to have her there tonight and not be able to touch her, it would have been better than this. Without her, I felt stifled and needed air. The movie wasn't over, but I had to get out of there, so I stood abruptly and announced I was leaving. Jasper paused the movie and asked if everything was alright. I told everyone I had a headache and was going to go home and get some sleep. I saw Alice give me a suspicious look, but at that point, I couldn't have cared less what she thought. I wished them a good night and got in my truck. Before driving away, I pulled out my phone and texted Bella.

I missed you tonight. Hope you are having a nice evening. – E

I didn't expect her to answer, so I was thrilled to see the little dots at the bottom of my screen indicating she was typing a message. I put the truck in gear and backed out of the driveway and started for home as I waited for her reply. When my phone buzzed and popped up on the screen in my truck, I hit the button to have the message read aloud since I was driving.

Thanks, hope you are too. – B

Alice said you had a date – E

I sent my reply while stopped at a stoplight, then pulled forward when it turned green. When Bella's response popped up and I heard what she said, I realized she'd misunderstood my comment.

OMG, I didn't have a freaking date. – B

I hadn't meant to imply I believed it or sound accusatory in any way. I'd merely intended to relay that Alice was still being ridiculous, but I should have known that wouldn't carry through in a text message. I wasn't sure if she was mad at me or Alice, but the last thing I wanted was to upset her when she was finally talking to me again, so without even thinking, I found myself driving toward her house. I realized that subconsciously that was where I'd been heading all along. I knew things were strained at the moment, but I had to see her.

A short time later, I pulled up in Bella's driveway. I hadn't responded to her text, so I was showing up unannounced, but it was too late to back out. It had dawned on me about the time I turned into her neighborhood that if she was babysitting like Rose had said she may not even be home, but I was relieved to see a dim light glowing through the front windows. Before I could overthink it, I climbed out of my truck and walked up to the front door. I knocked on the door and waited nervously, hoping she didn't slam the door in my face. Before I was fully prepared for it, the door swung open, and she was in front of me. I was stunned speechless for a few seconds as I looked at her. Just seeing her made me feel like I'd been wandering in the dark all week and suddenly my world was alight again. God, she was beautiful. She was wearing an old, faded t-shirt and gray yoga pants, and her hair was pulled up in a messy pile on top of her head and she still took my breath away. Finally, her soft voice broke me out of my stupor.

"Edward, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry for just showing up," I said. "I've just missed you this last week and I wanted to see you, talk to you."

She seemed to debate for a moment, but she stepped back and opened the door wider, waving me inside. I stepped through the door and immediately felt like a magnetic force was pulling me toward her. Instead of grabbing her and hauling her off like a caveman, though, I simply walked past her toward the living room as I shrugged off my jacket.

"Have a seat," she said. "You want a beer?"

I nodded as I draped my jacket over the back of a chair and took a seat on the couch. Bella came back a moment later with a beer for each of us, then folded herself up on the opposite end of the sofa from me.

"I'm sorry – ," we both began at the same time, then stopped. I laughed a little as I indicated for her to go ahead.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry I haven't responded to your texts or answered your calls this week," she said quietly.

"Bella, you have nothing to be sorry for. I was out of line the other night and you have every right to be upset with me." She started to speak, but I held up a hand to stop her. "I'm not going to apologize for kissing you because I would be lying if I said I was sorry it happened, but I will apologize for the fact that it put you in a really shitty position. I just hope that I haven't completely ruined our friendship. And I'll also apologize for upsetting you further tonight by telling you Alice said you had a date."

"I'm not mad at you, Edward, especially about tonight. It pisses me off that Alice still won't let it go, though. I had lunch with her yesterday, and I stupidly thought she was over it and we were in a better place, but apparently not."

"Still, I didn't think about how my text would come across. I knew she was lying, as did everyone else. Rose about took her down," I snickered and I was relieved when Bella laughed. It felt like we were back on firmer ground at that moment.

"Well, that would have been entertaining," Bella giggled. "Maybe I'm just petty, but it would serve her right to suffer the wrath of Rosalie after the shit she's pulled. Rose doesn't usually back down, though, so what happened?"

I relayed the whole story from the time I'd arrived for game night and reveled in the sound of Bella's laughter when I mentioned Emmett's antics. We chatted for a few minutes, and I knew I probably shouldn't ask, but I couldn't help but wonder where Bella had actually been tonight. I hoped that what she'd told Rose was true and she hadn't just been avoiding me, but I had a feeling that wasn't the case.

"So, maybe I shouldn't ask, but will you tell me why you didn't go over to Alice's tonight?"

"I'm guessing you didn't believe Rose's story either," she said softly.

"No, not really, though it was certainly more believable than Alice's. She was a little too gleeful talking about your date. Anyway, no, I didn't believe what you told Rose either, but I wanted to. I hate to think that you avoided your friends because you didn't want to see me."

"Edward, it wasn't you. I just wasn't in the mood to go tonight, and I knew Alice wouldn't leave it alone so I told her and Rose both I was babysitting Hannah. I even tried to make it the truth, but Angela and Ben left this afternoon for Tacoma," she said with a sheepish look.

"Really? It didn't have anything to do with me?" I pushed, knowing full well she wasn't telling me the truth. "I believe what you said, but I don't believe it had nothing to do with me. You haven't wanted to talk to me or see me all week."

"That's not true," she said softly.

"What's not true?"

"It's not true that I didn't want to see you. I did want to see you and talk to you, but I couldn't!" she exclaimed, suddenly agitated.

"Why couldn't you, Bella? I know I fucked up, but I meant it when I told you a couple weeks ago that I didn't want to lose your friendship. You mean the world to me, Bella."

She looked like she might be fighting back tears when she said, "You mean the world to me, too, but it's different. I don't want to lose your friendship either, but I needed some space. I couldn't see you this week because it's too damn hard! It's too hard to be around you knowing I can't have you the way I want you."

I shook my head slowly, wondering if I'd heard her correctly. Was it possible she wanted me as much as I wanted her? Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to reach for her, pull her into my arms and never let her go, but our feelings being mutual didn't change facts. I was still married, and I could never ask her to be with me. I swallowed hard, fighting the lump in my throat. I was barely hanging on, knowing she was so close, yet so far away. I understood now why she'd avoided me this week. It was hell to be with her, but not in the way I wanted most. It might make me a masochist, but I couldn't give her up completely. I just hoped we could get past this and remain friends.

"Oh god, Bella, it makes me so happy to know you feel that way, but it also kills me. As much as I wish it weren't true, I am still tied to Tanya. I fucking hate it, but no matter how much I want you, I just can't put you in that position." My voice was raw with emotion, and I dropped my head into my hands trying to get myself under control.

"What if I want you to?" she asked, her voice so soft I thought I'd imagined it for a moment. I raised my head and looked at her, wondering if she'd actually spoken. She was looking at me with a scared, expectant look on her face and silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Bella, I…," I paused and took a breath, willing my heart to slow down. "What exactly are you saying?"

"I don't know. I shouldn't have... I mean…I know you don't really mean…," she stammered then shook her head without really finishing a thought.

"Bella," I said softly, then waited until she looked at me. When her eyes met mine, I asked, "Did you mean what you just said?"

My heart was hammering so hard I was surprised it couldn't be heard in the silence of the room. I knew it was wrong, but I still hoped that Bella would give me the sign I was looking for. Slowly, she nodded her head, her eyes never leaving mine. That was all it took to break the last thin thread of my resolve to stay away from her. In one motion, I raised up and hovered over her with one knee on the couch and took her face in my hands. As much as I wanted to devour her, I managed to control myself. I kissed her softly, and the moment my lips met hers, I felt like I was home. Nothing had ever felt more right. I'd never felt more complete. Unlike the week before, this kiss was unhurried, but no less passionate. Bella whimpered softly and opened her mouth to mine. Still not in a rush, I pulled her with me and into my lap as I sat back on the couch. I swept my tongue into her mouth, tasting beer and Bella, and I couldn't help but groan. As we explored each other's mouths, my hands came to rest on her waist, but didn't roam. Bella pulled me closer by wrapping her arms around my neck. I reveled in her warm little body pressed against me and I knew I'd never be able to let her go.

Nothing but her mattered in that moment. I knew we would need to talk about this, but right now, all that mattered was this connection between us. Bella burrowed even closer and my hold on her tightened. Suddenly she pushed back slightly, and I started to protest, but she merely raised up and swung a leg over mine, so she was straddling my lap instead of sitting across it. A growl erupted from my chest when I felt the heat of her core press against my erection. Even through my jeans, the heat and friction were heavenly. I grabbed her hips and pushed her down on me even harder. She threw her head back and moaned, breaking our kiss, so I trailed my lips down her throat. I'd had my lips and hands on her the previous weekend, but we'd both been fighting it then. This was different. I knew we'd both surrendered to our feelings and suddenly I didn't feel as frenzied as I had before. We had time, and I wanted to savor every move and sound she made. I gentled my grip on her hips and brought my mouth back to hers and focused on pouring all the emotion I felt into that kiss.

I don't know how long we kissed and held each other, but Bella's lips were swollen by the time we broke apart. I smiled at her tenderly and brushed a lock of hair that had escaped her bun behind her ear. I knew we needed to talk, but I didn't even know where to start. Part of me was afraid Bella would call a halt to whatever this was before it even got started and I couldn't handle that. I knew without a doubt that losing her would break me. So instead of manning up and starting the conversation we needed to have, I pulled Bella closer and breathed her in when she laid her head on my chest. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, then Bella sat up and climbed off my lap. I assumed that was my cue to go home, so I was surprised when Bella took my hand and pulled me to my feet, clicked off the lamp, then turned and led me to the stairs. I stopped her at the foot of the stairs and laid my hand on her cheek.

"Bella, we don't have to, not right now. This evening has already been more than I ever imagined. We don't have to rush into anything else," I said earnestly.

"Thank you for that, Edward. Of course, the thought crossed my mind, but to be honest, I'm exhausted because I haven't been sleeping very well. I don't want you to go, though. Maggie's spending the night with your parents, right?" she asked, and I nodded. "Good, then, if you're willing, I'd really like you to stay. I just want you to hold me tonight."

"I can do that," I smiled and let her lead me upstairs.

Once upstairs, Bella provided an extra toothbrush, and I brushed my teeth and took care of business in the bathroom. When I came out, Bella had changed into a pair of satin shorts and a tank top. My body reacted as though she were wearing see-through lingerie, but I willed my dick into submission. Tonight wasn't about that. We smiled softly at each other, and then Bella went into the bathroom. After she closed the door, I went to the side of the bed that didn't hold a book and her lotion on the nightstand. I sat and slipped my shoes off, then debated on what to sleep in. I didn't want to make Bella uncomfortable, but I wasn't going to sleep in my jeans and button down, so I stripped down to my boxers and undershirt. I climbed into bed and sat against the headboard to wait on Bella. A few minutes later, she emerged and climbed into bed beside me. She turned off the lamp on her side of the bed and we both sank down under the covers, where she cuddled up to me and laid her head on my chest. I knew we couldn't put off talking about this situation forever, so I took a breath and started to speak. Before I could say anything, though, Bella stopped me.

"Shh," she said. "Tomorrow, Edward. We can talk tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," I agreed.

With that, Bella kissed me softly and wished me goodnight. I kissed the top of her head and listened as her breathing slowed and steadied. When all the tension had drained from her body and her breath was slow and deep, I knew she was asleep. I pulled her a little tighter against me and marveled at how perfectly we fit together. I knew our talk tomorrow would not be easy and there would be challenges, however we decided to move forward. I was hopeful but didn't know what the morning would bring. No matter what happened, though, at least I had tonight.

Author's Note:

Well, we've made some progress! Is that what you were expecting? Let me know what you think!

Next chapter coming soon!