Author's Note:
Sorry it's taken me a while to get this posted. Life happened…but finally, here's the next chapter!
Thank you all so much for reading and all the reviews!
I still don't own Twilight, unfortunately.
Chapter 29
BPOV
"Thanks, again. We'll see you Thursday afternoon," I said, then disconnected the call. I immediately sent a text to Edward telling him the appointment at the bakery was confirmed. In the two months since Edward and I had decided to move forward with our plans despite the situation with Alice, our wedding had started to come together quite nicely. There were just a few details left to nail down, the main ones being the cake and me finding a dress. I was hoping that both of those things would be taken care of by the weekend, though. The appointment with the bakery would take care of the cake and I was hoping to find a dress on Saturday. I really needed to find one before Esme lost her mind. It wasn't like I hadn't tried, but I just hadn't found the right one. We were keeping the wedding small and simple, but I still wanted the perfect gown, and I knew I'd know it when I saw it. I also knew though, that with only four months left until the wedding, I would be cutting it too close if I didn't get a dress ordered soon.
I looked down and smiled at Edward's reply to my text but was stopped from responding by a knock on my office door. Assuming it was Angela, I was armed with a sarcastic comment about her knocking, considering it wasn't something she usually did, but the words died on my lips when I looked up and found Alice standing in the doorway instead.
"Hey, can I come in?" she asked softly.
"That's fine, but I'm not going to fight with you here," I said cautiously as she stepped inside and closed the door.
"I'm not here to start a fight, Bella," she said as she took a seat in front of my desk. I raised an eyebrow in disbelief and crossed my arms over my chest.
"You'll have to excuse me if I find that hard to believe," I said.
"I would have thought you'd be a bit more welcoming considering you aren't exactly innocent in all of this," Alice snapped.
"You are on wafer thin ice, Alice." I said in a low voice. "Edward and I have never once denied that our relationship didn't start under the best circumstances, but we did not, and still don't have to answer to you."
"Fine, whatever," Alice said. "I really didn't come here to pick a fight with you."
"Why did you come, then?" I asked after she was quiet for a minute.
"I came here to apologize," she said as tears started running down her face, then buried her face in her hands.
I sat back and tapped my nails on the arm of my chair as I waited for her to continue. In the past I may have taken her words and tears as an actual apology, but this time she was going to have to give me more. Alice continued to cry, and I wondered if her tears were genuine. Before now, I would have given her the benefit of the doubt, but since last fall, I'd seen Alice in a whole new light. Finally, she spoke again.
"Please believe me, Bella. I really am so sorry," she pleaded, and I sighed before answering.
"I want to believe you, Alice, I really do, but this time you're going to have to prove it," I said calmly.
"How can I prove it to you?" she asked, her tears slowing a little.
"I don't know for sure, but you can start by telling me why," I said as she looked at me in confusion.
"Why what?" she asked.
"Don't play dumb, Alice," I said as my anger spiked. "I'm not in the mood for your games. You don't get off easy with a few tears and a half-assed apology this time. You've treated me and your entire family like shit for months and I want to know why. Why was Tanya more important than literally everyone and everything else in your life?"
Alice sighed, but her tears didn't stop immediately. I wanted to hope that she was being honest when she didn't get that calculating look in her eye like I'd seen so many times over the last several months, but I wasn't ready to trust her. "It's hard to explain," she said softly.
"Well, I suggest you try, or you can leave now," I said. I was somewhat surprised at my cold tone. After all the angst I'd felt from the moment Alice had hurled her first accusation at me all those months ago, I had always imagined being extremely emotional if I ever faced her like this, but I was strangely calm. I thought maybe I'd finally come to terms with the loss of her friendship and this conversation could provide closure if nothing else. Alice heaved another sigh and stared at the floor in thought for a few moments before speaking again.
When she still hadn't spoken a minute later, I asked again. "Why are really here, Alice? Did you really think it would just be so easy that you could walk in here and say you were sorry and the whole mess would magically go away?"
"No, I didn't think that, but this isn't easy for me. I know I have issues, but I'm working on them. I really am," she said when she could tell I didn't really believe her. "I've been seeing a therapist."
"Seriously?" I asked. I hadn't expected that. I knew Jasper had told Edward he'd suggested it a couple of months before, but Alice had never given him any indication she would even consider it.
"Yes," she assured, then took a deep breath before she continued speaking. "I know you don't have much reason to believe me, but losing Jasper woke me up. Not right away, but when I finally realized he was serious and wasn't going to come home, I knew I had to admit that maybe the problem was me.
"The few times we talked after Jasper first left, he suggested seeing a therapist, but I was convinced that I was right and that everyone else was wrong. When I finally did break down and make an appointment, it wasn't easy, and I almost quit. Siobhan has never been accusatory, but you know hearing I'm wrong has never been my favorite thing." She huffed a humorless laugh. "Anyway, I've been going to see her a couple of times a week and she's helped me see how awful I've been. I still have a long way to go, but I am truly trying to work on my issues. I can finally admit that I've said and done horrible things to you and Edward, and I truly regret it."
Alice took a ragged breath, then continued. "I guess to really explain I need to go back to the beginning. You know when we were in high school, I wanted out of Forks and as you know, when Tanya came along, I felt bad for her because she wasn't happy about moving to such a small town. She just seemed so worldly, having grown up in a big city and I guess I kind of looked up to her. I Ioved that she was super into fashion and shopping and all the things you didn't really like to do with me, and we just fell into being friends. I never intended to leave you behind. I wish you would have said something when I started being such a terrible friend."
"What purpose would that have served, Alice? You and Tanya would have just blown me off for being jealous and nothing would have changed." Alice looked down at her hands and shrugged, which just confirmed my thoughts were correct. "I don't care that you and Tanya were close, I've never cared about that. Sure, I've been hurt a few times, but I got over that a long time ago. But I'm not really interested in rehashing stuff that happened back in high school. None of that explains why she became so much more important than anyone else."
"Well, I never consciously thought she was more important, but Siobhan has helped me see that I did treat her that way. I'm not trying to blame it all on Tanya, but I can see now how manipulative she could be back then. She used to plan things with me when she knew you wouldn't be able to join us, and I let her. At first, I thought it was coincidence, but now I think she mostly did it on purpose. I thought that a few times back then, but I ignored the warning signs. She wanted to be the center of attention and she liked that I idolized her, for lack of a better word. She exploited that, but I never saw it that way, until now. Jasper tried to tell me over the years, but I wouldn't listen. And then, when Tanya made her interest in Edward clear, I got caught up in how fun it would be to have one of my best friends as a sister-in-law, so I did my best to push them together. I never really saw how ill-suited they were or how bad she might be for my brother."
Alice paused, but I didn't say anything. After a moment, she continued. "You know, when we got to college, I actually resented you a little," she said, and I raised my eyebrows in disbelief but didn't respond. "You blossomed when we got out of Forks, Bella. You made all these friends and had a whole new life, and even though we were away from home, I didn't feel any different than I had back in Forks. My world still basically revolved around Tanya and Jasper. I don't regret Jasper at all, of course, but I think the fact that you kind of moved on just made it that much easier for Tanya to be my focus."
"So, it's my fault that you've acted the way you have for someone who wouldn't have done the same for you?" I asked incredulously.
"No! Bella, that's not what I meant. I know I suck at apologizing, and I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm just trying to explain how I got where I am, or where I was. I realize now that I was completely blind to all of Tanya's faults and how possessive she was. When she was in the accident, I think it sort of cemented her as this tragic hero in my mind. It was then, though, that I realized how much you and I had drifted apart. You were the one who kept our friendship going from the moment Tanya moved to town, and I never put in the effort I should have. After the accident, I tried to put in that effort, and we did get closer again, but I know I still made most things about Tanya by dragging you to visit her all the time."
I sat quietly for a moment, thinking. "I'll admit, visiting Tanya was never my favorite thing to do, but it wasn't because I didn't care about her. And the thing is, Alice, you were never a terrible friend. If I'd ever had a problem with you being somewhat self-centered, we wouldn't have been friends in the first place." I paused for a moment when Alice winced at my comment but decided to lay it all out on the table. "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but it's the truth. You were never completely selfish, though, so I guess that's why you being so defensive of Tanya took me a little by surprise. I still don't understand why you were so against Edward and I even being friends and wouldn't just talk to me about it, instead of throwing a fit every time he and I so much as said hello to each other. And not that I owe you an explanation at this point, but we really were only friends in the beginning when you first started throwing accusations around."
Alice was quiet for a minute, silent tears still tracking down her cheeks. Part of me wanted to comfort her, but a larger part still wondered if the tears were genuine remorse or manipulation. I hated that I had to question it, but considering all she'd said and done in the last few months I figured I had a right to be concerned. Finally, she looked up and spoke. "I'm not making an excuse, but I could see something between you and Edward when you started hanging out more, and it scared me, even though it wasn't my business. I know I handled everything all wrong, and I meant what I said about seeing the truth about Tanya now, but it doesn't erase how I treated you. And for what it's worth, I can see that you and Edward are perfect for each other. You both deserve to be happy and I'm glad that you have each other. I know it's taken me way too long to be supportive and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I am truly sorry," she said.
"I've already forgiven you, Alice," I said after a long minute of silence. "But frankly, I didn't do it for you. I spent so much time worrying and beating myself up when this whole mess started, and it wasn't healthy. I finally had to let go for my own sanity, but that doesn't mean I can just forget everything. Maybe someday, but not right now. I know that Edward and I didn't start under the best circumstances, but we can't help that we fell in love. Most of my life, your opinion has been important to me, but not now. I nearly let you ruin us after Tanya's funeral, but Edward and I have moved forward and we're happy. I hope that you really mean what you've said today. I guess time will tell."
Alice looked at me for a moment, then nodded before standing up and walking toward the door. When she reached it, she turned back to me with her hand on the knob. "Thanks for hearing me out, and welcome to the family," she said, then slipped out the door.
I leaned my head back onto the chair and closed my eyes after Alice walked out. I wondered if adrenaline had carried me through the conversation, because now that it was over, I felt shaky and exhausted. In all the years I'd known Alice, she'd never once apologized and owned up to her actions the way she had today, and I could only hope it was sincere. Even if we never quite got back to the place we once were as friends, she would officially be family soon and would be in my life no matter what, so it would be easier if we could get along. I wasn't sure how long I sat there lost in my thoughts, but eventually I heard another soft knock on my door and looked up to see Angela sitting in the seat across from me.
"You okay, boss?" she asked. "I saw Alice leaving a little while ago."
"Yeah, I'm okay. She apologized and I think it was sincere. Or at least I hope so."
"Okay, just wanted to check on you. You know I'm here if you want to talk," she said when I didn't elaborate.
"Thanks, Ang, I appreciate it. We'll talk soon, but first I need to process. And I guess I should let Edward know she came here. I have no idea if she was going to talk to him when she left here or not." Angela nodded then got up and left my office quietly as I picked up my phone to give Edward a head's up on what might be coming his way.
EPOV
I smiled as I set my phone aside after responding to Bella's text. I wasn't going to lie and say I wasn't looking forward to picking out our wedding cake. An afternoon of sampling all the flavors was bound to be my favorite part of wedding planning. I hadn't really had any say in my first go-round, and this time, I hadn't really expected to be all that interested. I'd planned to just let Bella, Rosalie, and our mothers do whatever they thought best, but Bella had included me in the decisions, and I had enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Ultimately, though, I just couldn't wait for Bella to be my wife. Thinking about her made me look at the clock and groan when I saw that there were entirely too many hours left before I would see her again. I didn't have any more meetings for the day, so maybe I could convince her to take the rest of the afternoon off and meet me at home before Maggie got out of her summer day camp. I picked up my phone to make the call, but before I could even unlock the screen, it rang in my hand. I smiled when I saw Bella's face on the screen. Maybe my girl was already a step ahead of me.
"Hello, beautiful," I answered quickly.
"Hey," Bella said cautiously, and I immediately realized she wasn't calling to convince me to play hooky for the afternoon.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing's wrong," she said. "I was just calling to give you a head's up. I don't know what her plan was when she left here, but Alice stopped by a little bit ago."
"Really? What happened?"
"Well, she apologized, and we talked a little. It was good, I think. Not really sure how I feel just yet, but anyway, I just thought I'd let you know she may be on her way to you, but I'm not sure."
Just as Bella finished speaking, a movement at my office door caught my eye and I looked up to see my sister. "Well, looks like you were right," I said into the phone.
"She's there?" Bella asked.
"Yeah, I guess I need to go. I'll call you later. I love you," I said and hung up after Bella had echoed my sentiment.
"Can I come in?" Alice asked hesitantly after I sat my phone down. I merely inclined my head toward the chair on the other side of my desk. Alice closed the door behind her then crossed the room and sat down.
"That was Bella, I take it?" she asked. Again, I only nodded in answer. Alice mimicked my movement, then took a deep breath.
"Well, then, I assume you know why I'm here," she said. "I want to apologize for my behavior. I'm sorry for the things I said and the way I treated you and the rest of the family."
"And Bella," I prompted.
"Yes, of course, and Bella," Alice said as tears welled in her eyes. "I meant her too when I said the family. I wasn't trying to exclude her. I just came from her office as I'm sure you know. We talked and I apologized. I just hope I can prove to her that I mean it someday. But anyway, I owe everyone an apology so I'm making the rounds. I thought it would be best to start with the people I hurt the most, so that's why I went to Bella first."
"You haven't talked to Jasper yet?" I asked. I assumed he would be her first stop. He'd been staying with my parents for a couple of months now and I knew the separation was taking its toll on him.
"No, not yet," she said. Her voice broke and she paused to wipe her tears away. "I'm saving him for last. He was right when he told me I owed everyone a separate apology and I want to prove to him that I listened and thought about everything that he said. I've actually been seeing a therapist at his suggestion, too."
I could feel my eyebrows practically disappear into my hairline. My sister talking to a therapist and admitting she might have been wrong was very out of character. I was also surprised Jasper hadn't mentioned it. I would have thought it would have given him hope, but he'd been getting progressively more depressed as time went on. "Does Jasper know?"
"No," Alice shook her head. "I didn't want to tell him and get his hopes up in case it didn't help."
"Did you not expect it to work?"
"Not really. At first, I honestly just went because I wanted Jasper back and I thought if I told him I was talking to someone that he would think I was trying and come home. But after the first couple of sessions, I found myself really thinking about things, so I kept going. It took me a couple of weeks to really start opening up to her about everything and she was able to help me see that I was wrong about some things. A lot of things, really."
"I can respect that," I told her, "And I'm glad you've gotten help, Alice. I must say that I'm a little surprised, though. I honestly thought you'd change your tune pretty quick and just tell everyone what they wanted to hear when your marriage was on the line."
"I nearly did," Alice said with a hollow laugh. "At first, I was so mad at Jasper, and I foolishly thought he was bluffing and would come home later that night or the next day, but when he didn't I realized he was serious. Then I thought I'd just tell him what he wanted to hear and give you all some less than sincere apology to appease him, but after all our phone calls turned into fights and Jasper told me it was on me to fight for us this time, I realized how serious he was. He suggested therapy, and like I said, I started as just a way to appease him, but it ended up opening my eyes to a lot of things. I'm not finished, but I am getting to a better place, and it's time to make some amends.
"When I finally allowed myself to open my eyes to the truth, I realized that all of you were right. I treated you and Bella so unfairly, all to protect someone who didn't deserve my loyalty. I never consciously thought that Tanya was more important than everyone else, but over time, I guess I put her on this pedestal that just got higher and higher." Alice paused to take a breath and seemed to be gathering her thoughts before she continued. I just sat back and waited her out without reacting. "I'm so, so sorry for the things I said to you and Bella and for not noticing you were never truly happy with Tanya."
"I appreciate that, but my happiness, or lack thereof, with Tanya wasn't your problem. And you probably didn't notice, because I didn't want you to know," I told her, and I felt myself softening toward her a little.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.
"I was embarrassed mostly. I should never have married her, but I'd made a commitment and thought I was doing the right thing by sticking it out. Then when she got pregnant, I was so happy about the baby and I thought that would make me happy with Tanya, too. It didn't work, but then she had the accident and Maggie was born and she was my focus. There wasn't any point in bringing up the issues in my marriage then, so I didn't. Anyway, that's not really the point at hand," I said, bringing the focus back to where it needed to be. "What I want to know now is why you were so against Bella and me becoming close, even before we were more than friends."
"Because I could see that there was something there and it wasn't okay for you to sneak around and cheat on your wife," Alice said defensively.
"Bella and I didn't owe you an explanation, Alice," I said angrily. I wanted to believe her apology was sincere, but she wasn't inspiring confidence by acting out like she'd done the last several months. "And we sure as hell didn't need your permission. Of course, we wish things had been different at the start of our relationship, but I won't apologize for loving her. Aside from Maggie, Bella is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm not ashamed of that."
Alice visibly deflated in front of me, and I watched as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she said. "I don't mean to get defensive. Defending Tanya is like a gut reaction, but I'm trying to overcome it. Admitting to myself that I was wrong about so much has not been easy, and I'm still working on it. Anyway, it's not an excuse, just a fact. As for why, I'll try to explain. I explained more to Bella about the early days of my friendship with Tanya, and I'll tell you whatever you want to know, but I think it makes more sense to start a little later with you. I had known Tanya had a huge crush on you for a while, and when you came home to Forks at Christmas during our senior year, she really went after you. I know you weren't into her, and even I was a little embarrassed at the way she acted to get your attention. I didn't think much about it at the time, but by the next fall when we came to college, I started thinking it would be so fun to have her as a sister. It didn't help that she was relentless, not only in her pursuit of you, but also in her determination to get me to talk to you on her behalf. She thought that if I advocated for her that you would fall in line and ask her out. So, I pushed," she said with a shrug.
"I'm not proud of it, but at the time I was convinced you and her together made perfect sense. Obviously, you didn't fall in line easily, but when you eventually did ask her out, it just proved to me that I had been right, and she was perfect for you. Later, after you were married, I think deep down I knew you weren't happy, but I just wouldn't let myself believe it, even when I suspected she was cheating."
At that admission, I felt a twinge in my gut, but I wasn't sure if it was anger or hurt. Maybe it was both. I started to speak, but I wasn't sure what to say, then before I could decide, Alice continued. "I should have told you or fought for you harder then. There were two guys that I know of, like Carmen said at the funeral. Tanya told me they were just clients, and even though I was skeptical at first, I believed her. I convinced myself there was no way she would do that. I know she was lying though. I knew it then, but I was in denial. Anyway, after the accident, it was like all of that just flew out of my head and all I could see was my friend whose life was ripped away from her in a really terrible way, and I somehow ended up hyper focused on that. When I began to suspect you and Bella were getting close, all I could think about was how unfair it was to Tanya that her life was taken from her and now her husband was going to walk away, too. I'm so ashamed to admit it, but your happiness never really crossed my mind. Or if it did, I couldn't see past Tanya enough to care. And for that, I'm so sorry. You're my brother and I love you, but I deliberately hurt you. I just want you to know that I regret it so much." Alice began crying in earnest as she wrapped up her speech. The big brother in me wanted to go around my desk and comfort her, but the protective man in love with Bella wasn't quite there yet. Yes, Alice had hurt me, but I had always been more worried about Bella than myself. A couple of minutes passed as I gathered my thoughts, and finally Alice's sobs began to quieten.
"Alice," I finally said, prompting her to look up at me. "I never blamed you for my relationship with Tanya. Yes, you pushed me, but you didn't force me to get involved with her. And as for the affairs, maybe you should have told me if you'd been sure, but ultimately it wasn't your job. For as much of a disaster as that union proved to be, I can't regret it, because it gave me Maggie. Now then, I'll say that I accept your apology. You're my sister and I love you, but I'm not ready to pretend none of this ever happened. If it were just me, it would be easier to move on, but you hurt Bella and I can't just forget about that."
"I understand. Bella basically said the same thing. I know that we can't just pick up where we left off, but I do hope that over time I can prove to you both that I am truly sorry, and I'll never treat you that way again. Any of you. Once I stopped to think, I was actually shocked at myself for causing this rift for the whole family. I was just so blind for so long. I had no idea how wrong I was until I was forced to think rationally."
"I do want to move forward, Alice, and I sincerely hope that we can in time," I said.
"Thanks, Edward. I'll do everything in my power to prove that I'm changing. Anyway, I won't keep you any longer. I still need to talk to the others," she said as she rose from her seat. I stood as well and walked around my desk and ushered her toward the door. Alice hesitated at the door, so I took pity on her and pulled her into my arms. We had a long way to go, but she was still my sister. After hugging me back for a moment, Alice pulled away and slipped out the door. I returned to my desk and took a few minutes to reflect before picking up my phone to call Bella. I think we definitely deserved that afternoon off now.
Later that evening, Bella and I were tangled together in our bed. Turns out, it hadn't been difficult at all to convince her to take the afternoon off with me, nor had it been difficult to convince my mother to pick up Maggie and keep her for the night. After Alice had left my office, I had tried to wrap my mind around the conversation, but all I could think about was Bella. I didn't know how she felt about Alice's apology or her thoughts on moving forward, and I'd intended to talk to her when we got home. We hadn't really gotten around to talking, however. Instead, we'd spent the afternoon and evening taking advantage of our empty house. Now that we seemed to have satiated our lust for the time being, it was time to talk.
"So, how are you feeling about Alice's apology?" I asked as I ran my hand through Bella's silky hair.
"I'm still a little in shock, I think," Bella said.
"I know what you mean," I agreed. "Do you think she meant it?"
"I don't know. I hope so," Bella said. "It's certainly the first time she's ever owned up her to actions that way, so maybe she did mean it. What do you think?"
"I agree, we all know Alice has never been one to admit when she's wrong, so the fact that she addressed her behavior today gives me hope that she's not just saying what she thinks we all want to hear. I really want to believe her," I said with a sigh.
"I want to believe her as well. And I think I do, but I can't just forget everything that's happened," Bella said.
"No, I can't either, but I don't want to write her off forever. She's my sister, and I love her, despite the fact that she can be a huge pain in the ass," I said.
Bella laughed softly. "I understand that. And I love her, too. She's been my best friend most of my life, and it's hard to just let that go, but I'm not ready to pick up where we left off either. I don't know if I will ever be ready for that."
"I don't expect you to do that, Bella. I can't really do that, either, but I also don't want to live with this animosity for the rest of our lives. I'm not saying Alice and I will ever be as close as we once were, and it will take me a long time to trust her again, if I ever do, but I want to try. Only if you're okay with it, though. You are my number one priority in this, Bella."
"I understand, and I agree. She's family, and she's going to be a part of our lives no matter what. Things will take time, and maybe we will never get back to where we were, but I don't want to dread every family function because she will be there for the rest of our lives. So, how about we just agree that we'll try to move forward and see how things play out?" Bella suggested.
"I think that's a good plan. Thank you for not letting my sister come between us," I said as I tilted Bella's chin up for a kiss.
"Like you could get rid of me that easily, Cullen," Bella smirked.
"I'll never want to be rid of you, my love," I said, then kissed her again, deeper this time. "I'll never let you go."
"I'm holding you to that," Bella vowed, then rolled on top of me and kissed me. "Now, enough talk about Alice. I have plans for you and this empty house for the rest of the night, and thinking about your sister will not be conducive to what I have in mind."
"And what exactly do you have in mind?" I asked innocently as she rolled on top of me.
"Well, first, we need sustenance, and then I expect to be made love to until we are both too exhausted to continue."
I wrapped my arms around her and felt myself hardening beneath her wriggling hips. "Your wish is my command, love. But I think food may have to wait a little longer," I growled as I rolled us until she was on her back, and I was nestled between her thighs. Bella's answering giggle turned into a moan as she wrapped her legs around my hips.
A little while later, we finally made it downstairs to forage for dinner in the kitchen. I watched Bella as we sat at the island eating the sandwiches we'd thrown together. Even though she was wearing my ring and we were only a few months away from being married, I still sometimes had a hard time believing she was mine. I loved Bella more than I had ever thought possible, and I thanked my lucky stars that we'd made it through all the drama we'd faced since we got together. Only time would tell how things played out with Alice, but after today, I had hope again that everything would be okay.
Author's Note:
Well, there you have it. Alice finally explained a few things. Is it what you thought?
I am planning an outtake in Alice's POV, so that will explain more how she got where she was in regards to Tanya, but I won't post that until the story is finished.
In the meantime, let me know what you think!