Ezra sat at the seven's usual table at Inez's saloon. They'd gathered there as they usually did on a Friday night and initially, Ezra had tried to get out of going. Chris had noticed the other man's increasingly tense demeanor through the week as his usual charm was replaced by a palpable unease. He knew he'd bullied Ezra into coming, but he thought he needed to be with friends right now.
"You seem off, Ezra. Everything alright?" Chris asked, concern clear in his voice.
Ezra shrugged, swirling his drink. It was his fifth, and they'd only been there just about an hour. "Just a rough week, that's all."
Buck chimed in, "You've been quieter than a church mouse lately, Ez. What's eating at you?"
Ezra hesitated, his gaze drifting to his half-empty glass. "Maybe I've just had too much to drink," he muttered, his voice tinged with melancholy.
Josiah leaned forward, his brow furrowing. "It's not like you to drink that much that fast. What's troubling you?"
Ezra sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "I've never told you gentlemen about my wife…or daughter, have I? Back in Atlanta before everything went so…wrong."
The table fell silent, each member of the team exchanging puzzled glances.
"I think we'd have remember that," Nathan remarked softly.
Ezra took a deep breath, his words slightly slurred. "I met Rebecca when I was still with the White Collar division in New York. It was a whirlwind courtship." He smiled slightly at the memory. "Becca was…beautiful. More importantly she was smart, and funny, and more than a match for me. Hell, my mother even liked her."
"So where is she now?" JD asked. Unlike the others, he hadn't picked up on the note of melancholy in Ezra's voice.
"About a year after I transferred to the Criminal Investigative division in Atlanta," Ezra continued ignoring JD's interruption, "Becca got pregnant. We weren't trying, so it took us bu surprise at first. It scared the hell out of me that I was going to be responsible for another life."
Chris nodded slowly in memory of similar feelings.
"Becca had a perfect pregnancy, if there's any such thing." As he spoke, Ezra swirled the half-filled glass on the table, looking into the depths of it. "After all the horror stories she'd heard about what labor would be like, she breezed through it." He shrugged one shoulder. "It was almost too good to be true." He sighed and sank lower in his chair. "We named her Amelia. She was the tiniest little thing, but so perfect. Ten perfect little fingers and ten perfect little toes." He shook his head slightly. "The first time she wrapped those tiny fingers around one of mine…"
"You were lost," Chris finished for him.
"Yes." Ezra agreed then finished his drink. "I was lost." He trailed off into silence.
"What happened?" Josiah prompted.
"Two days later we were on our way home from the hospital. I've never driven so carefully in my life. Becca was laughing and telling me I reminder her of her grandmother." Again, the little shrug. "I had precious cargo. I had to be careful." He took a deep breath, his voice becoming a monotone as he continued. "There was traffic light up ahead. It was green, but I still was careful going through the intersection. I barely remember what happened, but another car ran the light and hit us broadside. They told me later the driver was drunk."
He hunched even lower in the chair. As much as he wanted to stop recounting the memories, it was as if he had no control and had to finish. "Becca was killed instantly, they told me. And Amelia…" His voice broke as he said his daughter's name.
A hush fell across the table. Chris reached out to squeeze Ezra's shoulder in solidarity. "You don't have to finish."
Ezra quickly brushed a tear away. "No. I…I think I need to. They brought Amelia and me back to the hospital. All I had was a broken arm, but Amelia…" Again, he shook his head. "I don't even remember all they told me. So much of it all's just a blur. It was three days later that Amelia passed. I…" his voice cracked again as more tears came to his eyes. "I was holding her and rocking her, and my beautiful little girl was gone. I lost them both."
Vin's expression had darkened at the mention of the drunk driver. "Damn," he muttered, his voice tinged with sympathy.
Ezra nodded solemnly. "I buried them together, Becca holding Amelia in her arms. I wanted them to be together. It felt right."
Nathan reached out a comforting hand. "I'm so sorry, Ezra. I had no idea."
Ezra nodded shallowly. "My wife and baby were gone and all I had was a broken arm." He threw his glass at the nearby wall. "It was my job to protect them. I should have been able to get out of the way or something. I should have…"
At the shattering of the glass against the wall, Inez started to make her way over, but Buck waved her off.
Chris, who had been listening intently, felt a pang of familiarity in Ezra's story. "I know that feeling, Ezra. It was an accident. It's not your fault."
Ezra's eyes flickered with recognition, a silent understanding passing between them. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Turning it on, he scrolled to a file with photos and input the password that protected them. He wanted to share his family with his team. He held out the phone so they could see the first photo, an obvious selfie. Ezra sat on a hospital bed next to his wife who cradled their daughter. He looked like a man who'd just won the lottery.
"Amelia was only a couple of hours old." He turned the phone back and looked longingly at the pictures. "Becca didn't care what she looked like. She said our first family portrait should be natural."
He scrolled to the second photo and again held the photo out for the others to see. It was a close up of baby Amelia wrapped in a soft pink blanket, her innocent features captured in a moment of serenity."
"She's beautiful," Chris said softly.
"They both were," Ezra agreed. "I miss them so much," he said almost too softly for the others to hear.
"If it weren't for Mother," he continued, "I don't think I would have gotten through it all." He saw the surprise on the faces of the others. "I know you probably wouldn't think it, but she was my rock. I couldn't function to do anything, but Mother, she just stepped in and took care of them and me. She made all the phone calls and made the arrangements. I told her what I wanted, and she made it happen."
Chris, who had been listening quietly, spoke up with a quiet reverence. "It sounds like your mother stepped up when you needed her most, Ezra."
Ezra considered Chris's words, a sense of appreciation mingling with the pain in his heart. "She did. For that, I'll always be grateful."
Thinking of his mother's actions after the tragedy brought a faint smile to Ezra's lips as he remembered the precious mementos she had preserved for him. "She made sure I didn't throw away memories in my pain. She could have taken advantage of the moment. I probably would have done anything she said. After all the years of trying to get me to give up law enforcement, when she had a golden opportunity when I would have done it, she never took advantage."
With a heavy heart, Ezra acknowledged the bittersweet nature of his relationship with his mother, knowing that despite their differences, she had been there for him in his darkest hour.
A loud whoop from a group playing pool broke the spell that had fallen over the seven men. Chris stood and grasped Ezra's arm. "C'mon. I'll take you home. You're in no state to be driving."
Ezra nodded and rose, grabbing his jacket from where it was draped over the back of the chair. He may have drunk too much, but he wasn't so far gone that he didn't know he shouldn't be at the wheel of the car.
The two men drove in silence. Every now and then, Chris would sneak a look at Ezra, but his face was unreadable.
Once they were inside the condo, Ezra led the way to his bedroom. "I want to show you something," he said.
Chris followed him and watched as he opened the closet. From the back, he pulled out a box sealed with packing tape. Slowly he picked the tape off of it. "I haven't seen any of this since it happened. I would have gotten rid of all of this because it hurt so much, but Mother said I'd want it someday."
Slowly, Ezra folded back the flaps of the box revealing the mementoes of a another time in his life. Although they'd been packed away, each one was a cherished and poignant reminder of Rebecca and Amelia. "These are... the memories," Ezra murmured, his voice heavy with emotion.
Chris nodded in understanding, his gaze shifting to the contents of the box.
Ezra took out a small garment box and opened it. Pushing back the blue tissue paper, he revealed a simple but beautiful christening gown, bonnet and booties. "Becca made this. Amelia was to be christened in it. She never got to wear it." He let out a deep sigh and set the box on his lap.
"Most of it is fuzzy for me," he confessed, his voice tinged with sadness. "It's like it's all a bad dream…a blur. But I remember... I remember the doctor's tried. I know they tried, but after three days, they told me there was nothing more they could do…the only compassionate thing was to let her go. They let me hold her. There was a rocking chair and they let me rock her. The chaplain came in and he baptized her. I know it's what Becca would have wanted…what I wanted. Shortly after, she was gone, but I didn't want to let her go. I don't know how long I sat just rocking her. Mother finally convinced me it was best to let her go."
Chris nodded solemnly, his heart aching for his friend as he watched Ezra trace his fingers over the delicate christening gown.
Ezra put the box with the christening dress aside. His hand trembled as he reached for a photograph, it was one of the newborn photos that the hospital took. His breath caught in his throat as he was overcome by a sudden flashback to the funeral. He closed his eyes, the memories flooding back with vivid intensity.
The scene unfolded before him with heartbreaking clarity. He found himself standing in the hushed, dimly lit room of the funeral home, surrounded by somber mourners paying their respects to Rebecca and Amelia. His gaze fell upon the single casket, its lid open, revealing the peaceful forms of his beloved wife and daughter. Amelia lay in Rebecca's arms, wearing the soft, white pajamas with bunny ears on the footies that Maude picked out. It was a gentle reminder of the innocence Amelia had brought into their lives.
Ezra's heart clenched at the sight, the enormity of his grief threatening to overwhelm him. He approached the casket with hesitant steps, his hand reaching out to touch the cool wood. He reached to place the white teddy bear he carried by his wife and child, his fingers brushing against the delicate fabric of Amelia's pajamas.
He lingered by the casket, his gaze fixed on the faces of his wife and daughter, committing every detail to memory. The sight was both beautiful and heartbreaking, a poignant reminder of the love that had once filled his life.
Like the flash of a camera, the scene changed. Ezra stood at the entrance of the church, his heart heavy as he watched the casket being carried inside. The priest greeted them, said a prayer, and sprinkled holy water over the casket. Then he, Maude, and Rebecca's parents draped the white pall over the casket.
Inside the sanctuary, the casket lay at the front of the church, the pall a stark contrast to the somber hues of the interior. The sight was both haunting and reverent, a silent reminder of the sacredness of the moment.
The funeral Mass was a blur of prayers and hymns, the words washing over Ezra in a haze of sorrow. He found himself clinging to the rituals, seeking solace in the familiarity of the ancient rites that had guided generations through the depths of their grief.
As the Mass drew to a close, it was as if the camera flashed again. Ezra stood at the graveside, his heart heavy as he watched the casket being lowered into the earth, the sound of dirt hitting wood echoing in the silence.
There was a rawness to the moment, a sense of finality that seemed to sear itself into Ezra's soul. But amidst the pain, there was also a profound sense of peace, a knowing that Rebecca and Amelia were together, forever bound in love and memory.
As suddenly as the flashback began, it ended, and Ezra pulled in a sharp breath.
Chris reached out a hand, offering silent support as Ezra struggled to compose himself. Slowly, Ezra opened his eyes, his gaze haunted by the pain of the past. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "I just…it was like I was there again at the grave knowing I'd never see them again."
Chris shook his head, his own emotions raw with empathy. "There's no need to apologize, Ezra."
As they sat on the floor together, surrounded by the fragments of a life once lived, Chris felt the weight of Ezra's grief pressing in on him, but he also felt a profound sense of privilege, to be entrusted with these sacred memories, to stand by his friend's side in his darkest hour.
In that moment, as Ezra shared his pain and his loss, Chris knew that their bond ran deeper than words could express, a silent promise to always be there for each other, no matter what the future held.
For the next hour, Chris and Ezra sat on the floor of Ezra's bedroom as he shared with Chris other mementos of a former life. There was his and Amelia's wedding album. Each photo brought a new memory that Ezra shared in a hushed voice. Inside the album, tied with a white satin ribbon was a lock of Rebecca's hair.
In addition to the christening gown was a pink blanket that Ezra said was knit by their neighbor. The woman had been childless and treated Ezra and Rebecca as her surrogate children. A crisp white piece of paper held Amelia's handprints and there was a plaster cast of her tiny feet. Maude had arranged for both.
Finally, he pulled from his shirt the other memento he always carried, though the others had never known. Two gold bands were threaded through a golden chain – his and Amelia's wedding rings.
It was the wee hours of the morning when Ezra ran out of energy and stories to tell. Chris helped him to return all the precious items to the box and then helped him into bed. He'd already decided he'd be spending the night on the couch. "You're not alone, Ezra," Chris said softly as he pulled a blanket over his nearly asleep friend. "We're here for you, always."
In that moment, as Ezra wrestled with the memories of that fateful day, he found solace in the knowledge that he was not alone, that he had friends who would stand by him through the darkest of times.