Chapter 37 – Ain't It Fun, Living (The Dream)

In which Jaune Arc sips tea and cracks open the daily paper.

"Jeez," squealed Amber. "That was dark! You just snapped him in half like he was a pair of chopsticks. His scroll guts are spilling out onto the…ew, is that what we look like on the inside?"

The gruesome scene of gory circuitry, ravaged wiring, and shattered glass that had upset Amber so was quickly smashed to bits doubly as Jaune brought down his shoe onto Tyrian's remains multiple times. There was still a chance that the madman had somehow survived in an undamaged CPU or processor, and Jaune wasn't willing to risk it. Only when there were no recognizable electronics visible in the fragmented heap of leftover scroll parts did he stop.

"Good riddance."

"I repeat – jeez!"

"Amber, he killed thirty people, and he tried to poison all my friends! Of all the monsters I fought, Tyrian easily claims the title of most monstrous. 'Cept maybe that ugly pig Grimm, Hogwash…he was a real sicko."

Jaune looked over to the man's still face. His body was lifeless, but a hand to the forehead confirmed that it was still warm.

"Am, he's already loaded up into the transfer machine. This could be your only chance to swap into a real, working body without having any ethical concerns. You want me to pop you in the tank and pull the lever?"

Jaune lifted her off the control panel and held her up so she got a good view of the body in question.

"Nah, I think I'd rather stay Team JNPR's tech support/eye in the sky. Being a scroll actually has a lot of benefits, and I've gotten attached to this old hunk'a junk. Besides, Tyrian's a wanted murderer in all four kingdoms – probably Menagerie too. Maybe even the Grimmlands. I don't think I need to go around getting arrested every time I show my face in public."

The two of them looked at Tyrian's prone body for another second.

"Also, he's got a penis. That would cramp my style."

Jaune wordlessly held up Crocea Mors.

"Wh– dude!" Amber chastised. "C'mon. You're better than that."

"Sorry. In all honesty, what should we do with the body? Leaving it here has to be some kind of health hazard, but I don't think he deserves a proper burial."

"Donate it to science?" offered Amber.

"I already did that with the tail."

"Here, hold me out towards him."

Jaune pointed his cheeky little scroll like a handheld camera at Tyrian. To his great surprise, flames burst forth from the front of her screen, igniting Tyrian's remains.

"How did–"

"Flamethrower app. I installed it a few days ago. You're out of mobile data, by the way."

The pair watched their mortal foe burn away to ashes in silence.

Citron Victory

By Velvet Scarlatina

Few among you will have not yet heard of the astounding events that transpired during the opening round of this year's Vytal Festival Tournament singles match, but even fewer know the full story. Stick around, dear reader, and I shall regale you with the finest tale of tales – the grandest story of swashbuckling adventure, daring rescues, bitter betrayals, heartwarming compassion, and deep blue sorrow that has ever been recorded in the fine medium of print.

No one will forget where they were the day Jaune Arc, the Citron Champion, was called upon to do battle with his greatest enemy yet: Pyrrha Nikos, a.k.a. the Invincible Cereal Box Girl. But unlike so many foes before her, dear Miss Nikos was not seeking to lay waste to Beacon's hallowed grounds or put Jaune's allies to the sword. She merely sought to be the whetstone upon which he sharpened his eternally powerful weapon: the soul. Miss Nikos shall go down in history for providing Jaune with the staunchest resistance he has ever faced. Unconfirmed reports suggest that as soon as their match began, the leader of Team Pallet Jack summoned forth mystical powers to nearly throw the Citron Champion out of the arena. Using these powers, described by an eyewitness as 'Spring maiden powers,' the legendary tournament-mistress of Argus was seconds away from scoring a victory when the unexpected happened: Jaune Arc unlocked his aura!

You read that right, folks. The mysterious energy that seemed to destroy the aura-monitoring scoreboard and empower Jaune Arc to the realm of the superhuman was nothing more than the Citron Champion self-unlocking his aura.

How, you may be wondering, is this possible? Whatever do you mean? Has Velvet Scarlatina lost her mind?

(She has, and she doesn't password lock her computer when stepping away for a snack break…or proofread her newspaper before printing – signed, Coco Adel)

The white glow we all saw in that fateful tournament was not some next level of human evolution, but regular aura, and its sudden appearance caused the scoreboard to glitch out. This, of course, raises the obvious question: why did Jaune Arc not have his aura unlocked?

The truth is said to set you free, but truth can be a funny thing. Jaune Arc, the mastermind behind such famous chronicles as the Mastery of Grimm-riding, the Termination of Hogwash, the Oil Wrestling of Torchwick, and more, agreed to a third interview with yours truly, and boy did he weave a wild tale…

Jaune set down the newspaper and swallowed yet another sip of piping hot tea.

"Velvet, you mad lass…"

The article was everything he hoped it would be – the truth.

Jaune had come clean. There was no way he could truly hope to hide what had happened when the entire world saw it, so he decided to give the truth a try. Ren, Nora, and Perry had all responded positively when they learned his transcript was faked, so Jaune decided to give the rest of the world a chance to do the same. Lies would build up into even worse lies, and he needed to say something about why the aura reader had maxed out and he'd started glowing mid-tournament. Perhaps it was reckless, but he'd saved the floating stadium from a madman's wrath. If ever there was a time to cash in that public goodwill, it was now.

Velvet's paper was the perfect medium to admit the truth while still guaranteeing the narrative would swing in his favor. She explained to the public his motivations for sneaking his way into Beacon and gave a brief explanation of how he'd done some of his amazing feats without pulling away too much of the mystic curtain that shrouded Jaune in mystery.

She wrote it in a way that makes me sound like some sort of super man – even without aura, the mighty 'Citron Champion' was still a force to be reckoned with. If people knew that I mostly just got lucky, the response might be overwhelmingly negative, but the positive spin she puts on it only increased the heroics.

Velvet made things sound like Jaune had overcome a disability, and now that he did have his aura and semblance, he'd only be stronger. He hadn't told her off all the ways he'd accidentally beaten his opponents, deciding that it would be better to keep that truth buried, in this one case. It would've been impossible to keep lying from there (especially since his aura wasn't actually the color he'd told people it was), but the security blanket his fables offered was a little too calming to be pulled away just yet.

…and it's not like I didn't actually defeat some of those enemies. Cinder and everyone before her was mostly luck or quick thinking, but I outsmarted Hogwash, outgunned Hazel, and held my own against Tyrian – with a little help, of course.

Ah, Tyrian. Jaune brought the teacup to his lips as he recalled how he'd gotten one final over that lunatic.

One of the few stipulations of the article and interview being printed was that Jaune and Velvet would have a long chat in advance about what could and couldn't be printed in regard to Tyrian.

An explanation of his weapons, his semblance, his crimes, and his 'death' from falling down the CCT elevator shaft was depicted in Velvet's full article.

There was no mention of his name, his goals, or his devotion to Salem.

As far as the world knew, Tyrian was no different than the average White Fang grunt seeking to cause trouble and sow chaos. He was just some guy. A nobody, who Jaune had beaten – add him to the list and move on.

I refused to let him keep anything he valued. His name won't be remembered, and his convictions, however strong they may have been, will fade into dust alongside his body.

It wasn't all Grimm and gravestones, though. Velvet also put in a lovely bit about her dear boyfriend, Ren Lie (because she worried Valean audiences would be too stupid to understand the inverted Mistrilian naming traditions) and a few other losers who were completely cured using the remains of the anonymous wacko that Jaune had recovered. Pyrrha and Yang's contributions to the fight were mentioned as well, giving the huntresses their due credit for the important part they had played in bringing the murderous Faunus down.

This was for the best. No more secrets, no more hiding, no more perpetual risk of someone digging too deep and finding out. He'd come out on his own terms.

As he looked over the article one more time, Jaune couldn't help but smile. Vel really is a good author.

There was one problem, though, that still brought a frown to his lips.

"Why the heck am I even drinking this swill?" Jaune spat out his hot tea all over the carpet in disgust. "Tea sucks."

"Ghira who?" asked Jaune.

"Ghira Belladonna," Blake said. "My dad. He's the chieftain of Menagerie. Used to head the White Fang, too, before Sienna Khan gave him the boot."

"Sienna who?"

"Sienna Khan," Blake explained calmly. "She's the woman who arrested Adam Taurus for mutiny. It cost her a lot of support, and the infighting brought down the last of the Fang holdouts who survived Mountain Glenn."

"Adam who? Mountain…what?"

Blake threw her hands up into the air. "Did you even watch the show?"

"Woah, I'm sorry, okay?" Jaune took the missive again and tried to make sense of it, but it was still just a bunch of names, places, and terms he'd never heard of. "Can you explain it one more time?"

The cat Faunus massaged her temples. "I'm about to lose my cool, Jaune. This is the fourth time you've said that."

"I guess your dad's letter is like an excellently crafted work of medieval poetry," Jaune said sheepishly. "It's a masterpiece, but it needs some footnotes for the common Joe to understand."

Blake clenched her teeth and balled up her fists. "One more time."

Jaune nodded. "I promise I'll get it this time."

"That's what you said the last…argh, never mind." Blake's features softened, and she snatched back the letter. "My dad, the chieftain of the island of Menagerie – that's where most of the Faunus live – has requested your aid in the construction of an academy. On Menagerie."

Jaune nodded. "I'm following you. But why m–"

"I'm getting to that!" snapped Blake. "Menagerie is predominantly Faunus, so humans can't go there. It's backwards, and Dad's making great strides towards inclusion, but the Grimm won't wait for equality. The island needs huntresses and huntsman stat, and it needs the new generation to be trained."

"Okay. D-Does Ghira know that I'm a human?"

"Jaune, he doesn't want you to come to Menagerie!"

Jaune held his hands up in surrender. "You said he wanted my help!"

"Yes, which is why he's formally requesting the Citron Champion send his elite Faunus to aid in the construction and staffing of the new academy."

Oh. Now Jaune understood.

"I'm sorry, Blake, but I'm going to have to say no."

Her face immediately fell. "Jaune, this would be a huge help to my home island! If we could get better defenses against Grimm, the economy would boom, and Menagerie could start trading with the other four kingdoms. It'd be the first step towards formal recognition and true species equality."

"As much as I want to help your pop, Blake, Team Juniper kind of needs Perry. You see, he and Amber are kind of…trying things out with one another, seeing where it goes and all, so if I loan him out, we lose two fifths of the team."

Blake blinked.

"Are…Are you legit stupid? Are you actually dumb, for real, in actuality?" Blake made no effort to disguise her bitter contempt for Jaune's level of intelligence. "FAUNUS, plural! I'm talking about the Citron Commandos, not your old man partner!"

Jaune mentally cursed her out, even though it was his mistake. Blake was one of the people who actually believed that Jaune was in charge of the Citron Commandos. Jaune had heard her refer to them as 'his' elite Faunus and not realized that she meant the C.C. barracks, since he didn't really think of them as 'his.'

Ozpin would be the one to discuss terms of the Commando's relocation, but the least Jaune could do was offer his own rubber stamp, since this seemed to matter to Blake so much.

"If that's the case…I'll say okay. Just talk to Ozpin first. He's the one you should go to in order to hammer out the details."

The guys were ex-White Fang, so they probably wouldn't take kindly to being sent back into the heart of their former organization. However, if what Blake said was to be trusted, the White Fang was no more, and it was now the Menagerie government that had requisitioned their services.

I told them they could make a real difference for Faunus, so I guess this is that dream come true.

"…major victory for civil rights! You have no idea how far reaching the impact of this is going to be, Jaune."

Oh, she's still speaking. "Yeah, sure thing, Blake, whatever."

"Thank you so much!

The cat Faunus scuttled off in the direction of the headmaster's office. Jaune had no idea about the politics of sending ex-terrorist Faunus who'd lived their entire lives in Vale to an all Faunus island for the purpose of making them peacekeepers and teachers of a subject that they'd only begun to practice for about as long as he had, but Ozpin probably had a better idea.

Maybe Beacon could send a few professors with them, so they could do their lessons and start building the school at the same time. Maybe the guys would finish their education in Vale and go over when that was all done. Jaune would prefer the second one, as it would mean he could spend more time with his boys, but it was their lives to live as they saw fit.

"After Beacon…"

"What's the matter, Jaune?" asked Ruby. "Thinking of graduating early?"

He'd gone straight to Blake when he saw the last name on her father's letter, hence his present position – right in the middle of the doorway to their room.

Jaune shook his head. "Nah. I'm way too busy for that with all the getting into shape for the Vytal rematch I've been doing. Just musing about the future."

Tyrian and his goddess may have been plotting the downfall of civilization, but in the end, all they accomplished was a quick distraction. It wasn't nearly enough to cancel the tournament over, but the truth to Jaune's actions were enough for the judges to deliberate. Some of the people in charge – school boards, government dudes and dudettes, and whatnot – had called for his expulsion upon his admission of his falsified records, but public approval surged in his favor. Appearing as the downtrodden underdog had its perks, as had vanquishing the dragon.

As it was, Jaune was scheduled for a rematch with Cereal Box Girl in a few days. Over the past week, before the judges had decided to keep him in the tournament, he'd been intensively training with Amber (when she wasn't making googly cameras at Perry) in order to catch up on the offensive training he'd skipped when focusing on defense.

"You going for the gold, Vomit Boy?" Yang stood up and play punched Jaune in the shoulder. "Should I expect to face off against Team Juniper's best in the finals?"

"First I'll have to beat Pyrrha and win the semifinals," Jaune admitted. "So don't hold your breath."

It didn't matter if he won or lost, though. With the last threat gone, his family was safe (save for Juanita, who'd been trampled to death during the evacuation of the colosseum and also stabbed in the brain by Crocea Mors, but Jaune would know nothing about that), and Jaune didn't need to keep fighting for his life.

Salem was still out there, but she'd pulled back, and that wasn't his war to wage. For now, he could just focus on…

Coming to Beacon? Check.

Becoming a huntsman? Check.

Getting a cute girlfriend? Check.

"You know, come to think of it, I've done pretty much everything I set out to do when I snuck into Beacon."

Weiss winced. "It's still so weird to hear you say that…"

"I've been approved to stay," Jaune said, somewhat defensively. "You all heard the announcement."

"Yeah, but we're all still having trouble wrapping our minds around that fact that a fake huntsman ran circles around us all. All this time, you've been playing games with us, and we had no clue. For you to now admit that you slipped past Beacon's security, and to admit it so boldly, so casually, as though it's just a fact of life and not a Remnant-shattering secret – well, I think it'll take some getting used to."

I was actually spooked solid for months that I'd be arrested and have to make toilet wine in prison, but I guess it's better to let her keep believing I'm some international man of mystery.

Only Team JNPR knew the full and complete truth. Not even Jaune's mother or Velvet were aware of how much of Jaune's fortune was simply coincidence or chance. He'd tried to come clean to the former, but he'd chickened out before he could even start when he saw the hopeful gleam in her eye.

Ren hadn't made a meal out of it. As always with him, the decision to withhold or supply the truth mattered more than the truth itself. Now that they were square, he had no grievances.

Nora had cackled like a hyena in an insane asylum when Jaune told her that he'd recruited the Citron Commandos by accident, and her spirits had only improved for the rest of the tale.

Perry had had a brief mental breakdown when he learned that his partner had infiltrated a White Fang meeting without having aura, leading Jaune and the rest of the team to briefly put the tale on hold and help him lie down for a second.

In the end, though, all of them agreed that it was best to be kept within the team.

"Compared to maidens and scroll-folk, this is so much more mundane," said Ren. "It is unexpected, but I do agree with Nora that the truth of your aura deficiency is more comedically ridiculous and less offensive to my scientific sensibilities."

"What Renny means to say is that we're not upset with you," Nora translated. "You put yourself in danger, sure, but you never once betrayed or risked any one of us. Plus, you were constantly trying to find a way to unlock your aura, so it's not like you weren't trying to fix the problem."

"How did you self-unlock?" asked Perry. "Was it the fear of goin' head to head with The Invincible Girl in a straight fight?"

"No," said Jaune. "Compared to Hazel or even Roman in the paladin, that wasn't that frightening. It was actually the support of the full team that stirred up my emotions."

Nora smiled broadly. "Oh, you old hound dog! The cheers of your darling girlfriend was all it took?"

"Actually, it was Ren," said Jaune. "He was the last one to encourage me, and his approval felt like it was the hardest to earn."

The three teammates went silent.

Perry averted his eyes.

"So…you self-unlocked because…of the strong emotions stirred up by…Ren?" asked the Faunus.

Jaune's eyes widened as he realized how it sounded.

So did Ren's. "Jaune, I had no idea you felt this way about me."

"Bro, I'm right here!" shouted Nora. "You don't say that sorta stuff in front of your GF!"

"So, you're in love with Ren," said Perry. "Mind…blown."

"It's not like that!" Jaune said frantically, but it was too late.

The ground beneath him had begun to rumble. A loud crack sounded as the floorboard of their dorm splintered. The carpet floor was instantly torn to shreds by a muscular figure emerging from the widening abyss like the sun rising in the east. Her hands shot out and landed on Jaune's shoulders, shaking him like a ragdoll in her rabid excitement.

"I called it," said Jaune's mom.

"This was a bad ideaaaaaaaaaa!"

Jaune tightened his grip on the reins as the temperamental Teryx tried to buck him off its back. The small dragon-shaped Grimm was already plenty upset after having been imported from Atlas strapped down in a small steel shipping crate. Him being forced on top if it was the Jaune that broke the Teryx's back.

"Wheeeeeee!" Nora let go of her own reins and raised both hands in the air. "This was such a good idea!"

"No, it wasn't!"

"You just want the Nevermore!"

Jaune would have preferred the Nevermore, for multiple reasons. For one thing, it was captured in Vale and was thus in a much better mood. For another, it didn't have razor sharp fangs that it was actively trying to dig into Jaune's meaty center. Last but not least, it was twice as big as the Teryx and didn't even seem to be aware of Nora's presence on its back.

Nora had surprised him by planning their next date. That in and of itself should have been a red flag, but Jaune had been too impressed by how much she'd pampered him to heed the obvious warning. To be fair, the picnic in Forever Fall had been simply dreamy, and when she had informed him that she had 'procured some mounts for a romantic ride into the sunset,' he had thought nothing of it.

I assumed it was horses. Well, you know what they say about assuming: people who assume get their legs bit off by miniature dragons from the frozen north.

It turned out that some underpaid accountant had sent the royalty check for the lucrative Juniper Cinematic Universe movie franchise to an account in the name of 'Team Juniper,' which was accessible to the entire team. Thus, with millions of lien at their disposal, Nora had managed to pull in some rare Grimm. The wild child had insisted Jaune take the more exotic of the two beasts, as he was her 'fearless leader.'

Nora patted her bird's neck. "Let's get a little closer, shall we?"

The Nevermore was under Nora's complete control, and she was cruising a short distance behind Jaune as his disobedient Teryx set the pace for their evening flight. Jaune had no idea where they were headed, as he was primarily focused on not falling off or being eaten alive.

"How long are we – woah, down boy – going to keep doing this?"

The Nevermore flew up alongside Jaune. "I reserved the Forest of Forever Fall for the entire afternoon, so we can go 'till midnight. Wouldn't that be so romantic: you and me just soaring through the stars and moonlight?"

The Teryx's jaws snapped at Jaune, letting out a bloodcurdling roar-hiss that made its intentions regarding Jaune's presence quite clear. As its head turned, its wings instinctively did as well, and the both of them began to circle around in a spiral, losing altitude as they nosedived downwards.

"I'm gonna die!"

"Don't be silly, Jauney," called Nora, her bird stalling as it flapped its wings midair and held position. "I'll let you in on the trick – the reins are a red herring. Ride it, like you'd ride a llama. Pinch the neck with your knees, and you go faster. Pinch twice to stop. Lean into the turns, and your steed will know which way you want to go."

Jaune pinched twice, desperate to slow himself down as his rambunctious reptile approached the treetops.

"Oh, and don't be afraid! They can sense fear!"

"I know! They're Grimm – they literally hunt down negative emotions!"

Jaune steadied his breathing and shut his eyes.

Stay calm.

Don't worry.

You can do this.

He pinched his legs twice, feeling the breath and heartbeat of the ravenous beast below him.

You're the Citron Champion. You can do anything you set your mind to, and a relaxing Grimm-riding date with your girlfriend is a piece of cake compared to the downright unreal shiz you've been through.

You've got this, Jaune.

He opened his eyes.

"This darn dragon is still going down! Your advice didn't work!"

Nora shrugged. "You know I'm pretty much making this all up, right?" Her face lit up. "Kinda like what you did this past semester with the whole…everything! We're such a cute couple, aren't we?"

"Noraaaaaaa!"

tl;dr They ride off together into the sunset on Grimm, coming full circle all the way back to C̶h̶a̶p̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶1 Chapter 2 darn it

Sneak Preview: You, Me, and the Tuna (author's notes at the very end)

Chapter 1 – The Beginning of the Beginning

"You'll need some time to cool off and think about the merits of my offer, so enjoy the flight. Ruby and Yang tell me that Patch is awfully nice this time of year."

"Safe travels!"

That sludge-based life form! That overgrown chimpanzee! Cardin was going to rip his skull right out of his head and use it to carve out his heart! Orange-haired attack dog or not, Jaune Arc was a dead man!

He didn't quite fit into the rocket locker, forcing him to hunch over slightly just to avoid having his cheeks pressed against the top. On top of that, his hands were bound by some kind of cord, and both of his legs were snapped like toothpicks.

Cheap-shotting little…she only got me because I was expecting that loser Arc to be a man and fight me one on one! If it were a fair and square fight, I'd have squeezed the orange juice out of her! I'm a huntsman, twice her size – I'd never lose to a girl in a real battle!

At least his mace was with him, still holstered on his belt. Cardin was going to need it if he was going to get out of here before the rocket locker got too high up. He could see the ground disappearing beneath him through the few air-slits, but they weren't exactly at eye-level for such a tall man like him, so his ability to judge his altitude was somewhat impaired.

First things first – he needed to free his hands. The Valkyrie witch had lashed them together nice and tight, Cardin would grant her that. Cardin bent his body to the side, hoping to get the rope up against one of The Executioner's sharp flanges.

Darn it, it won't reach.

Cardin had no idea how high they were in the air, but it had to be enough that the drop would kill him by now. His best bet, the safest option, was to ride this darn thing out, land in whatever Pumpkin Patch Jauney-boy had sent him, and catch a flight back to Beacon…

No way am I slinking back to my team of queers with my tail tucked between my legs like that. I'll cut myself free somehow, force this thing to land, and be back by tomorrow morning!

He couldn't reach the ropes tying him up to his mace, but if he slid his hips to the edge of the locker and shimmied upwards, his mace would rise a little bit on the belt loop. Repeating this procedure seven more times, he painstakingly slowly managed to inch the mace closer and closer to his arms. Once it was at the right height, he pinned it to the wall with his hips.

Cardin leaned his chest towards the mace, and this time he was able to press the cords against a razor-edged flange.

Bingpot!

By leaning backwards and forwards, he moved the rope in the same way. It sawed itself up against the mace – again, an exceedingly laborious task that yielded almost no results each time he did it, but what else was Cardin supposed to do? He was on his way to the middle of nowhere, and he had all the time in the world to make a U-turn.

The rope was tougher than it looked. Cardin wasn't timing it, so he had no idea how long it took him to saw it down, but it felt like a whole hour. His shoulders were aching by the time he got to the last few threads, but it was worth it. In just a few moments, he'd be free to bust open a panel to the engines, pinch the Dust input manifold to whatever fed into the locker's propulsion, and control his descent back to solid ground. He assumed that it would be roughly similar to the mechanism within Russel's rocket daggers, but if not, he could just play around until he got the hang of it.

The cord was probably less than a millimeter in diameter now. Just one more cut, and he'd be free.

Maybe I'll take a quick breather before landing. What's one more minute when it's already been so long?

Cardin rocked himself forward, hoping to tear the rope, but it held firm. Leaning forward uncomfortably, he tried seeing if going faster would do the trick. It didn't.

"Stupid thing…" he growled to himself.

Maybe doing it in reverse would work. Instead of leaning backwards and thrusting himself forwards, Cardin tried tilting his body forwards this time. His face pressed closer to the slits, and he caught a glimpse of the outside world.

It's all…water. I'm above the ocean.

Patch was where Arc was sending him, and Cardin vaguely recalled that the island just off the coast of Vale was supposed to have its name start with a P.

No! I'm almost there! If I land in Patch without freeing myself, the boys back home will think I rolled over and let Jauney-boy have his way with me! I need to step up my game.

Building up his strength, Cardin threw himself backwards as hard as he could.

The cord broke.

Unfortunately, so did the locker.

His head slammed into the metal at the back of the locker, and he heard something snap. At the same time, the pressure on the mace pushed it through the metal side of the locker and tore open a hole. Frigid wind began to violently snap at Cardin's waist.

"Arrgh!"

Cardin heard the rockets go out beneath his feet as the wind whipped into his aura. For a brief second, he felt motionless – the locker had reached the zenith of its flight – until he suddenly began to tumble down to Remnant.

"No no no no no!"

The petty fear of running back to Beacon in shame was nothing in comparison to the sheer terror of dying before he ever got a real chance to live. Cardin was only seventeen, and he was about to be crushed in a airship crash without the airship. The insides of the locker suddenly began to resemble a cold metal coffin as he looked about them.

"No!"

Cardin slammed his foot into the base of the locker, desperately hoping to jump start it. Whatever he'd done by accident had somehow cut off the Fire Dust flow that was powering the thrusters, so maybe if he violently disturbed the pipe or tube or intake manifold enough, it would open back up and turn back on.

It was impossible to tell how far he was from certain death. The locker was not only falling but violently thrashing him about as it rotated on all three axes. Inside, Cardin was being shaken like a snowglobe, but he still had his aura, which muted some of the hits. It was disorienting and made it more or less impossible to get a good look out the front, but as long as Cardin kept his head on straight, he could keep kicking downwards and praying for salvation.

Said head collided painfully with the door to the locker. There was loud creaking sound, and less than five seconds later, the door flew off.

Now, Cardin had a great view of the world beneath him, and he could see that he was still above the clouds, easily a few miles in the air. His hands gripped the edge of the door to hold himself in before he could fall right out, but the locker kept spinning like an out-of-control top. Cardin regretted having an open view to the disorienting view of the world as it turned and turned about.

Shutting his eyes to prevent the sensory overload from making him lose consciousness, he drew all of his aura towards his skull and slammed the back of his head into the locker.

There was a weak noise, something akin to the crackling of a dying fireplace.

Then, the noise grew in strength. Cardin's feet began to warm up, as did the floor of the locker against which they were pressed.

FWOOOOSH!

A metallic voice spoke out.

"[Destination reached: Island of Patch]"

Cardin sighed a breath of relief and opened his eyes to see the clear night sky. There was only one problem: the stars were on the bottom, and the ground was on the top.

He was upside down.

Now that Cardin's tin can was no longer thrashing about wildly, his dizziness had faded, and he could get a better read on the situation. Whatever he'd done to jumpstart the locker had backfired, because even though the thrusters were back on, he was now accelerating towards the island place.

The locker's controls are probably busted! Curse you, Arc! This whole mess is your fault!

There was nothing he could do. The ground was probably less than half a mile from him, and he was only speeding up.

Well, there was one thing he could do.

SLAM!

The Dust rockets turned off once more.

Guess I have a head-shaped off switch.

Without the thrust to keep him going straight, Cardin's locker began to twist and turn once more. Cardin held himself steady as best he could until hitting his cranium against the back of the locker once more.

On went the thrusters. This time, Cardin was at a forty-five degree angle above the horizontal. The spinning ceased, and his altitude began to increase once again.

"[Warning: Deviation from Plotted Course]"

"[Warning: Navigation System Failure]"

"[Warning: Critical Systems Error]"

Cardin mentally waved goodbye to the Isle of Paste or whatever it was called as the stretch of land grew smaller and smaller. His hands were the only thing preventing him from falling out of the rocket – the torn-off door was facing downwards, meaning that Cardin had to press against both the left and right wall of the locker at all times to prevent himself from slipping right out.

He maybe could try to right himself a few more times, smack his head around into the walls a bit more, but he didn't exactly trust the way he was turning the systems on and off to be consistent. After all, if he turned the thrusters off and then found that he couldn't turn them back on, he was toast.

Better I just ride this thing out until I run out of Dust. I'm not in danger at the moment, unless I let go. There's no telling where I land, but I'd rather have to take a few bus connections, maybe even a few cross-country flights, than risk another 'crash course' in geography.

Author's Notes

And that's as far as we go this time. You, Me, and the Tuna will debut next week and will fill in the gaps for the few remaining questions that Living The Dream has left unanswered.

The Ending

And so, Jaune rides off into the sunset. No good guys or gals died, and everyone bad in the entire world is in prison or the ground (*cough* Salem's in the sequel *cough*). Whew, sorry about that; I must be coming down with a text-based cold. This is the happiest ending of any story so far, and I think anyone with basic media literacy knows that Origin Story and Murderess aren't going in pleasant directions, so LTD may hold the record for the least unwholesome Ratfic to date. Of course, the happy-go-lucky Checkmate romance is GOING to unseat it, but it's only one-third written so far.

This is the real ending of Jaune's story – no fakeouts. He will appear in the sequel, but about as much as you'd expect given that it follows Cardin and we didn't see Cardin much until his sudden return around the first fake ending of LTD. For some reason, the tone of this ending chapter feels different than the rest of the fic. I think it's because it's a lot less nervous from Jaune's perspective, now that he's finally come clean. Also, the timeskips and jumping around is quite different than the sequential narrative so far, with one even leading into the other.

The Context

This is actually only my third complete fic, somehow – yes, RWBY But Worse is technically unfinished. It certainly doesn't feel this way (mainly because I've written and/or started eight fics so far – The Empty Carburetor, K, Living The Dream, RWBY But Worse, The Murderess and Her Brain, You Me and The Tuna, Origin Story, [Ratdacted Complete], [Ratdacted In Progress]). The crazy thing is, since I started the new stories after this one began posting, I've entirely completed both Origin and Murderess and [Ratdacted Complete] in the time it took this one to post.

As mentioned, I originally had a simple idea for a short Jaune story where he wouldn't have aura and would comedically stumble through V1-3, and the main story was going to be found in the Cardin sequel. Somehow, LTD actually grew a life of its own and became the real meat of this salad, but at their hearts, both are integrally linked and inseparable – they were born from the same idea.

The Background

Here's what I had in mind going in – the paladin not being able to target Jaune due to his aura, the Boarbatusk fight, the Cinder fight, the Tyrian ending fight, Jaune x Nora, Jaune vs. Ren, Raven taking Jaune on his first mission vs Hazel, stan Velvet. That was everything I had in my outline going in.

Here's what I just made up as I went and was happy enough with to keep – the Citron Commandos entire story arc, the Whiterose pairing, Amber as a scroll (or even showing up), Perry as a partner (I flip-flopped between him and Deery but went with Perry because of the name being an alter of Pyrrha's), all of Volume 3 except for the final fight with Tyrian, including Jaune's family, all of the build-up with Tyrian, and the pro- and anti-Jaune factions. That was just stuff I came up with when I wrote each chapter and liked it enough to keep.

Of course, for Volume 3, I knew I was going to have some stuff (like a team and doubles round fight) but I didn't plan it for Penny or anything until I recalled that she hadn't shown up in a while.

What's crazy is that Amber was just added in as a gag, and Perry had no concrete personality in mind when I started writing, and they ended up being more important than most other characters in the story.

The Stats

Living The Dream didn't do great on Archive of Our Own. Murderess so far is almost exactly two-thirds as long, but it's seen almost the same number of hits and significantly more kudos and comments. Origin Story so far is only one-fifth as long, and its about half-way on the hit count and tied on comments and kudos. I guess Jaune isn't as beloved on AO3.

But on FFN – woah! It surpassed most of my existing fics in terms of views, followers, and favorites within a few chapters, beating K out by a landslide. LTD has more followers and favs than anything else, but the Empty Pumpkin still holds the record on both sites for the most views. But hey, LTD gave it a run for its money (and if we consider it a series with You, Me, and the Tuna, I suspect it would surpass it). Keep in mind, it was posting for a long time when the site was screwy and the view counter was down, so it probably did surpass it overall, I just can't quantify that.

The End

Anyways, I hope you all liked the story. It was a fun one to write (unlike Murderess, which I had to chug through due to many delays/lack of motivation), and I hope it was fun to read.

Happy rats, and don't do crime!